[Music] it's it's a it's an interesting balance and i think my whole point now like the evolution the evolution of the stove from the stuff we were doing when we were doing black philip is me really tweaking and having a better understanding of this and understanding what part of it is is not just specifically male or masculine or dominant and what's not specifically female because here's a dude you know like um my ex is dealing with a dude who's just uh he is and he's like a rah-rah kind of dude you know what i mean like like he's a you know he works out he controls you know he's uh he's got uh you know he's he's police you know okay so he's you know but he's abusive you know he's a bunch of abusive stuff with police having autonomy over people and stuff so he's extra you know i mean so she like she's always attracted to a strong powerful dude so that's what she liked about him but the point was that there was all this other so the nuance i think and and to be really honest when i think about it i broke her right because i'm that dude without the abuse so usually when a guy has that kind of aggressive when you when a [ __ ] knows he's that dude he's usually abusive [ __ ] you [ __ ] get the [ __ ] and i and i and i'm not that's why i came up with the whole idea of the benevolent king is the kindness just because i have control doesn't mean that i'm abusive right that i'm still gonna be kind and i'm still going to be thoughtful but if you try and [ __ ] me then you're going to see the other dude and the other dude is as bad as the dirtiest cop you ever want like that dude is awful i don't even like that guy i go look you you got to understand and i say this to dudes being kind loving people trusting people is not it's not a weakness it's a strength it's more difficult to trust people and to let people in your life and and really engage with them in in intimate ways that's much more that takes more bravery it takes more more more more intuitiveness and and to want to to engage with people in that way and i think sometimes when people give of themselves and then they're taken advantage of they feel like they're they're like they're embarrassed right and there's nothing wrong with loving somebody like you can love somebody they cannot love you back but why be embarrassed to that because you have the ability or the capacity for love or the capacity for friendship and stuff and other people don't it just makes them weaker you know i mean because you can the real point is to be able to open yourself up to that and still be able to cut it off when somebody's not worthy you think love is a choice um is it a decision like do you think you fall in love that you can't really help it i think it kind of happens but i think you can you decide whether you want to indulge there's people who i've been in love with that i just knew weren't right for me and i left because it just wasn't right for me because yeah because i knew you know when we talk about um knowing what my happiness looks like knowing what the destination of my house i just knew that that person couldn't fit and it wouldn't fit in that i thought that i thought that was this girl but i there's something about her that just compels me to stay i'm not sure but it's like after all these breakup breakups just like man i was thinking really thinking last night like is this really worth all the all the fighting it's probably not it's probably not and realistically you're both very young also and you know that's what i have to put with the grand assault like she's not used to that she's not used to those type of guys like i need to bear with she needs coaching she needs to be trained yes but but you're coaching your coaching has to be it how should i put it uh so this is i'm trying to think of a good example i this is gonna sound weird but okay when you do no weirder than anything else we've done yeah right when you when you renovate a bathroom right all right this is going to be this is definitely weird all right i didn't i didn't anticipate that dude you got to do the wood floor you got to level the floor yeah right when you level the floor then you got to take the cement you got to you got to spackle the cement you got a level of cement the level of sorry about that that's right uh you got a level of cement so now what they have is they make a thin cement that you pour into them into the into the you create a box you pour it in and then because it's it's because it's liquid it's it's thinner thinner it levels on its own you don't have to level the cement you understand it finds the left level of the floor it'll last the house of the house is crooked it'll be it it'll just level in the box um so i i think so there's this terminology i see water seeks its own level right so when you act like a dirt bag a lot of times you hang out with dirt bag you end up with dirt bags [ __ ] because you act in dirt bag ways you attract dirt bags and dirt bags get attracted to you when you're righteous people who are dirtbags come into your life but they're very uncomfortable in that environment because there's you're you're you're holding them to a standard that they're not accustomed to and so i've said this about my older sister my older sister is out of her mind the oldest child the oldest one not the one that almost burned house up she's she's she's selfish and self-centered and she's out of her mind in terms of who she perceives herself and nobody perceives her the way that she perceives herself and so i'm so truthful she avoids me like the plague because anything that she does funky i call her out on it so what she does is she surrounds herself around people who will not call her out yes selfishness yes yes man bunch of flunkies but she also will avoid me like the [ __ ] plague because i pull the veil you don't let anything slide i'll let nothing slide and so she's decided not to [ __ ] with me because rather than fix her life she'd rather lead a phony life yes and just avoid you because it doesn't ruin the facade and so now here's the interesting thing about your girl you like your girl a lot there's things you like about her but if you're righteous right and you're honest and you're true and you don't been you know you and you're not abusive you don't be abusive you don't become i mean this thing and that doesn't mean you got to do things you don't want to do but it means that you you know what's going to hurt or what's not going to hurt her and you you you already get a feel of that and you don't do things deliberately to hurt but you don't you don't you don't sacrifice sacrifice your happiness in your life for anybody because that's not why they like you you are who you are because of what you like and what you do so changing to to to accommodate somebody just makes them end up not liking you in the end um so if she's around you and you're righteous then yeah i guess it is a training to a ce extent you know it's the same way a guy gets trained by a a a sister who is as a strong black woman and now because every time he says something she's yelling and screaming he don't even say nothing he gets trained into being submissive right or trained in him so it's the same thing but i think that's why i say a lot of times the problems that relationships have usually be it's the man's fault because a woman is a direct reflection of the guy she's [ __ ] so if you don't tolerate this behavior and she continues to do the behavior that same behavior that you don't tolerate then ultimately you take access away from her and it doesn't even become your problem or she works she learns to fit in the confines of of what you what your happiness is it's one of the other there's also a thing that i think is interesting in fact that you broke up with her several times again i say one thing it's sort of like a job not to equate it relationships are a job so it's the job description you go this is the job i have for you right if you do not want to do this job then you're fired or you can quit right but what i'm not gonna have you do is start doing some other [ __ ] that i didn't ask you to do and then i'm gonna pay you and then continue playing you still work here the same to you know that's the that's what it is it's you define what it is that role is for them in your life and if they want in that role that's great but what they don't get to do is claim the title then do whatever they want to do and not do the things you asked and that goes men women otherwise so for instance if she wants you to be monogamous she has to go listen i i need somebody who's not she did she goes i have a role for a monogamous dude you say and you raised your hands you go i'm the guy for that job and you failed because you had no idea i said i was going to do it for 30 days like a 30-day free trial we described it like an amazon membership but after that then every news how long did you last again never mind i love sneako he looked like he just looked the other way he looked at the other way like somebody else asked him a question like he got distracted dudes keep moving there's nothing wrong with that i'm not even saying like i'm not listen you you he's not banging you what he's saying is the the point is and you know what i mean yeah yeah if you have to make a 30-day you know what i mean it's like come on you know we all know in your heart your heart you i don't know why why would you believe that like because you want to because you want to you're hopeful you're hoping you're hopeful that you want that to believe but the point is you know but you you know i've seen y'all out same she's gorgeous she's beautiful she's cute she's chill she's chill too she you could tell she just looks at him like you know she worships the ground so but the point is also it um the boundaries that you set is the down boundaries that she's either going to comply to or she's going to leave and if she leaves she leaves and if she don't the problem is when you start acting in those righteous ways what you do is she experiences something that she's probably not going to experience much of and so even if she gets a guy who is you know quote-unquote the lawyer who's going to be the good guy the guy she's not gonna she's not gonna be attracted to him no because he's gonna because she's gonna she's gonna be reckless because she's gonna push him he's gonna let her push him you know she's not gonna respect him and she's not gonna respect and so and then on top of that he might not have the other qualities that you do have which is being exciting being fun you're creative you're a creator you're this you know what i'm saying you just kind of you know you just like i mean it's funny because we young man school 202. better hear what i've got to say because you won't get it again i'm not an alpha male i'm not a beta male either i'm just a better man better man put your happiness first cause if you don't they won't you