Avoidant Attachment Style: Causes and Adult Symptoms

Overview

• Avoidant attachment style is an insecure attachment style identified in psychological literature.
• It is often developed in childhood due to strict, emotionally distant caregivers.
• In adults, it manifests as self-sufficiency and low tolerance for intimacy.
• Avoidant individuals are often seen as "lone wolves" but may be high achievers.

Key Questions Addressed

• How does attachment form in early childhood?
• Causes of avoidant attachment in children.
• Symptoms in adults.
• How relationships with avoidant adults work.
• Possibility and methods for changing an avoidant attachment style.

What is Avoidant Attachment Style?

• People with this style may not connect deeply with others, even in relationships.
• Emotional intimacy is advantageous but challenging for them.
• Attachment theory by John Bowlby explains our adult relationship patterns are rooted in childhood experiences.

Attachment Styles Based on Bowlby’s Theory

1. Anxious (Preoccupied)
2. Avoidant (Dismissive)
3. Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant)
4. Secure

Formation of Secure Attachment in Childhood

• Early caregiver-child relationships set the stage for future adult relationships.
• Secure attachment develops when caregivers are emotionally available and responsive.

Development of Insecure Attachment

• Occurs when a child’s basic and emotional needs are unmet.
• Avoidant attachment style stems from emotionally unavailable caregivers.

Causes of Avoidant Attachment in Children

• Caregivers may avoid displaying emotions and intimacy.
• These caregivers are often misattuned to emotional needs and become distant when situations become emotional.
• Children learn to suppress emotions and become independent.

Symptoms in Adults

• Adults may seem self-sufficient, with high self-esteem, and not rely on others for emotional support.
• Relationships lack depth and may lead to distancing when seriousness arises.
• They may avoid emotional closeness due to past unmet emotional needs.

Behavior in Relationships

• Bonds remain superficial; avoidance of deep intimacy.
• Avoidant adults may end relationships as emotional intimacy increases.
• Emotional closeness is often off the table.

Changing Avoidant Attachment Style

• Realizing the need to turn on emotional intimacy is key.
• Therapy and self-reflection can aid in recognizing emotional needs.
• Working on emotional closeness is essential.

Can Avoidant Adults Change?

• Therapy is beneficial in achieving a secure attachment.
• Consistency and effort in changing attachment style are crucial.
• Workbooks and online courses can support self-improvement.

FAQs

• Healing Avoidant Attachment: Requires recognizing the need for emotional intimacy and potentially working with a therapist.
• Dating with Avoidant Attachment: Possible, but requires openness and self-work.
• Do Avoidant Attachment Men Feel Love?: Yes, they feel love but struggle to show or accept it.

Conclusion

• Avoidant attachment style is characterized by withdrawal from emotional closeness and independence.
• Despite appearances, individuals with this style need love and can heal and grow with effort and therapy.

Sources

• Ainsworth, M. D., Bell, S. M. (1970).
• Bowlby, J. (1982).
• Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007).