you know your family is toxic that's why you're watching this video right now you know that you are treated in a way that you do not deserve you know that there is cruelty that is normalized on a daily basis within your family you know that the people that are supposed to be there for you are constantly hurting you and you can't even talk to anybody else about it when you try to communicate to your family you're crazy you're you're so sensitive you're so overdramatic we're your family we love you what are you talking about it's your fault if you didn't act the way you acted we wouldn't treat you like this trust me I know I know how it goes down and first and foremost I am here to validate your experience because it can so easily feel like you're making it all up and you're doing it for attention do I really have it that bad or am I just a bad kid that is so far from the truth and with this video I want to firstly prioritize educating you on what it is to live in a toxic family and what the real signs are so next time you're being mistreated you can actually trust your own judgment and then on top of that healthy ways to deal with it on a daily basis so that you can survive in that toxic environment that you're stuck in while maintaining good mental health and Implement habits to create a better life for yourself maintain your sanity and eventually get out before we jump into the video if you guys are new here make sure you check out the Discord which is linked Below in the description if you are struggling right now you need people to talk to or you just want to make friends that is exactly what the Discord is there for so make sure you join completely free I also have my podcast linked Down Below in the descript description you guys can listen to all of my YouTube videos on the go in audio format I only make videos on self-development and developing your mindset which will work in addition to this video Chapter One understanding the 10 main signs of a toxic family so that you can validate your own feelings and stop forgiving so easily you will visibly be hurt and try to communicate that and their response is oh I didn't mean it like that you can't take a joke what else do you want me to say when you do that I don't remember saying that I would never say that you must be taking taking it the wrong way you can literally pull up receipts of their harmful Behavior towards you and they will still deny it all of these phrases and lies and gaslighting will just make you question whether you really have it that bad and most importantly it will make you feel so guilty like you actually deserve it and you are a bad kid and maybe you are too sensitive and over traumatic this links onto sign number two invalidation I feel like so many people look over this when it is a literal form of emotional abuse they play the victim they say you're too sensitive or you're overreacting just like the gaslighting sign but most importantly what distinguishes this is when you take the step to actually communicate what's been done and you talk super maturely and you're like you've done this this is when you did it this is how you did it and this is why you hurt me they completely dismiss it they don't want to accept any responsibility for the trauma they put on you they do this so that they can continue to live in their distorted self-perception so that they can continue to live their daily life not having to feel badly about themselves because Unfortunately they don't want to do the inner work they don't want to heal they don't want to try to become a better person all of that self-development is simply too difficult for them and they have that mindset because believe it or not they already have an extremely difficult life whether you see it or not on the inside they are constantly at war with themselves people who hold a lot of self-hatred in here project it onto you one so that they can just deny that they're a bad person to protect their fragile ego and too because they simply don't care about you it's such a hard pill to swallow but they don't care about you why why should they validate you think about it none of their other treatment of you matches up so how could you even expect them to understand what you are communicating and then try to implement actions to be better for you even your own parent can still be more concerned with themselves and their life than caring and showing up for their child sign three of a toxic family is that you are the black sheep being the black sheep of a family essentially means that you think differently from everyone else and as a result you constantly feel like an outsider in fact you're probably treated as one you're always left out you always receive the blame from everyone else you're excluded from things or you're mistreated simply because you don't share the same beliefs or act in the same way as your other family members because you were constantly put down and you never receive the compassion and support that you deserve it's probably made you into a very empathetic person you understand others a lot more and you've developed a rational sense of thinking because of the mistreatment you've been put through and even though you have that quality you are the only one that's defending you you will rarely see another family member stand up to defend you when you are constantly trying to defend them because you've been labeled as the problematic and over dramatic one and no one wants to associate themselves with you the thing about toxic families is that everybody has given a role right you have The Golden Child you have the black sheep you have the scapegoat in order for a toxic family to function everyone just tries to stick to their roles and do their part everyone is so concerned with sticking to their roles because they've been raised to act in that way and that's their way to Sur survive in this dysfunctional family because it's all they've ever known for example one of the roles in a dysfunctional family is the Peacekeeper this is someone who is often manipulative but they are constantly trying to just make sure everyone gets along and even if you are genuinely hurt and you have been done very wrong just get over it stop stop making a scene and this is similar to the enabler who often just stands by and watches and they know everything that's going on they'll never intervene and they'll never try and save you they might actually know that what's going on is very wrong and they don't agree with it but even if this is someone like your older sibling your parent your auntie your uncle they will just stand by and they will watch sign number four belittling they constantly put you down insult you criticize you judge you oh yeah and they'll swear at you all the time like that's completely normal in your family to scream at each other speak to each other in a disrespectful way and then just defend it by oh but you made me really angry or I couldn't help it you put me in a bad mood we were arguing this is so normalized in so many families and I cannot stress this enough none of your family members should be swearing at you should be calling you names insulting you or judging you for anything the sole role of a family is to love you and take care of you and show you affection verbal abuse is never okay and I hate people just accepting that that's how they're spoken to sign number five humiliation this can come in any shape or form if you have had a conflict with one individual family member best believe when all of the family members get together they're going to bring it up they're going to talk about how annoying you were how stupid you were how you failed a test hell they might even humiliate you in front of your own friends when they go out with their own friends at lunch basically to anyone who will listen and best believe they're going to do it when you are sat there right next to them and all of these people are staring at you as your family member has just said some horrific things about you and they do this to put themselves on a pedestal and keep you very low to the ground this is so that they can exert their power and most importantly maintain control over you by managing everyone else's perceptions of you because the sooner they get everybody else to believe believe that you're a bad kid and that you deserve how you've been treated then everyone's distracted no one's going to see them as the problem they have now taken control of the entire narrative so no one will place blame on them but instead you are seen as the bad one sign six isolation you probably just have a really strict family and they have control over your finances over who you hang around with over how you dress you express yourself where you go when you go there whether you're even allowed out of the house by the time you get to 16 and legally you are allowed to work and now you want to go and apply to jobs so that you can get a little bit of Independence and fund being able to live like a normal teenager and your parents that you're not allowed to that is not okay and it doesn't just stop with teens I knew people in University who were in their 20s and their parents managed all of their finances and they tell you that they do it to protect you and I promise you that is so far from the truth because do you know what real protection looks like it looks like love and affection and listening and being there for you when you need to talk and giving you advice and supporting you through the hardships that life is going to throw at you in every other area not taking away all of your freedom and trying to run your life in a way that suits them so that they can either save their reputation or basically keep you in a child's position this is especially what a narcissistic parent or family member would do they are going to try their hardest to withhold your autonomy and make sure that you don't gain independence so that you are constantly reliant on them sign number seven aggression this goes without saying physical harm hitting you once again linking back to how they scream at you shout at you what they say we are talking physical abuse emotional abuse and mental abuse no child teenager or adult should ever be afraid of their own parent or family member if you find yourself at school at work or with your friends and you are dreading coming home or you are trying to prolong the time in which you are out of the house so that you don't have to go back to that terrifying environment that is not okay and just like all of the signs that we have mentioned so far a completely valid reason to take a step back from your family and to cut off that tie sign eight guilt and manipulation manipulation can be in the form of trying to get you to think in a way that suits them this could be by viewing other family members in a certain way to keep you away from them to dislike them to basically withhold you from any potential support manipulation also links back to sign number one gaslighting they will manipulate you into thinking that you are not good enough that you are a bad kid that you deserve all of the bad treatment they give to you and then to maintain control over you they'll probably manipulate you into thinking that you absolutely need them to survive and you won't be able to do anything you know you'll go out into the world and you won't do well in work you're not going to get a good job you're not capable of getting good grades no one's going to want to be your friend who's going to want to marry you they're manipulating your self-perception and your self-esteem to keep you this big so that they can hold you comfortably in their pocket and control you for life guilt Works in a similar way when you act in a way that does not match their expectations which first of all is absolutely crazy like for any sort of family member to be like this person has to do this a certain way otherwise I'm going to act out or yell at them I cannot believe how normalized that has become in families as well you are your own person but a toxic family member does not have the intelligence to even process this and so they will guilt trip you for doing anything that doesn't match their personal beliefs or how they would do something you got a bad grade in a test I can't believe you would do that how much work we have put into to send you to a good school to get you a tutor to buy you the text box I can't believe you disrespect us like this this whole family is counting on you to do well in school or let's say you just made a mistake you came back home a little later than you should have or any typical mistake which is completely okay you're a human you need to make mistakes to live and learn from them but in a toxic family no no no no no you are not allowed to make mistakes and when you do we are going to use it as an ammunition and we are going to hold it near to us for years and years and years and years so that we can hold it against you and basically show you how much of a bad person you are so when you make a typical mistake that any other teenager would have made we are going to make it into the biggest deal to make you feel so badly about yourself we'll probably punish or ground you so that we can have more control over you and eventually so that you feel so bad about yourself that you feel like you owe us something and that way we can keep you on your best behavior sign number nine jealousy the main way that this can be seen is when you have a family member that simply does not like you no matter what you do you could be the nicest most supportive person ever you could do everything for them they're never going to like you and you literally don't know why and the reason this happens is because they're jealous of you and you trigger them you trigger whatever limiting beliefs they have about themselves or their life or you trigger the trauma that they have been through and as a result they're going to project all of their limiting beliefs onto you they want to believe that you're a bad person don't underestimate how common jealousy is even if it's from from someone who is significantly older than you in your family who you might even look up to and think they have their life together what are they so upset about they are going to hate you for your confidence let's say that you are a creative and you're doing something that's outside of the box that the family hasn't done before they're going to hate you for it they're going to hate you for what you post on social media for what you wear for the friends you kind of have if you're in a relationship they're not going to be happy for you like a normal family member would and even if you think you don't have a lot to be proud of you don't you haven't achieved a lot sometimes these family members see your potential before you you do and they want to shut it down immediately so that you don't overtake them because they're so deeply insecure and lastly sign number 10 endless expectation basically whenever they say you need to do this this and this and this to make us proud you do everything to do it and then you achieve it and when you achieve it it's like on to the next thing where's my celebration I worked for years at this I thought this was going to make you guys happy I thought this was going to make you guys treat me well and love me no on to the next thing basically you will never be good enough you could be doing everything right you got the good grades but then your toxic family turns around okay what about uni and then you get into the great University and you conquer it you kill it okay but how you going to get a job why don't you have a job yet when are you going to get a higher salary when are you going to get a promotion that's not a good enough job title what are people going to think you get a good job why aren't you married yet I don't get it why aren't you dating dress like this work like this act like this talk like this that is not family that is a group of people who are committed to tearing down yourself as Steam on a daily basis and reducing you to achievements rather than appreciating you for just being you which is what real love is chapter two switching your mindset so that now you can deal with all of those signs like a boss a quick disclaimer before we get into the mindset switches you need to have already communicated with your family okay or gotten help from another family member and if that has failed and you cannot cut off your family yet or move out then these mindset shifts will help you and to give a little introduction to it let's bring in our girls Lola and Athena to illustrate the points I am about to make both of these girls do not have a good home life they are dealing with toxic families they cannot move out yet it's horrible right and this is how they deal with it Lola feels sorry for herself and complains to anyone that will listen every single day she also engages in arguments with her family all the time because they're mean and they're irritating and it's like stop getting on my nerves you know so she reacts super easily she's gotten to a Point what her mental health is really struggling and she feels so sad that she's actually given up on life and what she wants to do because what's the point if she's not even allowed to do anything she stays in her room all day long keeping herself occupied on her phone scrolling or talking to anybody that will give her attention and whenever she's out and about and she sees other people she constantly is plagued by this thought of everyone else has it so easy being able to throw parties and hang out with their parents like their friends why can't I have that on the other hand we have our girl Athena who is also very sad about her situation okay she knows it's unfair and even after doing the necessary healing and inner work it's still comes up some days to haunt her and hurt her but she doesn't use that as an excuse to complain why because she knows complaining every day is only going to deplete her energy and lower her vibration she does not want to be more so in this state of negativity than she already is when Athena is finding her family especially annoying and they're getting on her nerves and being mean she detaches herself and removes herself from the situation she knows their words and their treatment of her are not personal they are simply projecting they have their own issues they have been in this consistent toxic pattern for a long time so she zones out she switches off she is more concerned with maintaining her peace than trying to prove a point Athena also doesn't have a lot of freedom she's not allowed at of the house a lot so she gets creative with her daily routine she exercises in her bedroom using workout videos on YouTube She draws she paints she does do free online art courses so that she can learn more and develop herself in her career she calls her friends regularly to actually get that emotional support and connection she tries new hobbies and stays away from low Vibe habits that drain her energy like scrolling on social media all day and lastly as heartbreaking as it feels when she sees other people out and about enjoying their time with their family she lets the comparison thoughts pass rather than dwelling and entertaining them she knows she can't change the cards that she's been dealt in life all she can do is focus on making them work in her favor and that's what we're about to go through so mindset shift number one when we go back to the sign of gaslighting if these people are just not hearing you and are so set and trying to make out like you're overreacting and making the whole thing up stop trying to explain yourself if they're not listening stop expecting different outcomes to these same people who are stuck at one point in their life and will obviously never grow at this point you need to cut off all trust Reliance and expectation and instead step away to create create a better life for yourself rather than constantly complaining and wishing for something that will never arrive mindset shift number two when it comes to invalidation in a toxic family listen some people are actually just incapable of invalidating your feelings so instead of getting super sad and dwelling on the fact that they don't care about you and they don't love you and why can't they just do this one thing that is so easy and just say they understand me they're literally not capable of it they have no emotional intelligence they can't valid your feelings because they've been pushing down their own feelings their entire life they are a hurt miserable unhealed version of themselves and they are constantly stuck like that so how can you even expect them to have the capacity to be there for you when they can't even be there for themselves they are stuck in survival they can't even begin to process the concept of taking care of your own feelings they are too weak to accept accountability for their own action so you have to validate yourself and you should have so much trust in yourself and your own experience in your thought process you don't need their opinion on whether what you think is wrong or right the next mindset shift is about being the black sheep in your family and I find this term so ironic because the only reason that you are blamed and you are disliked and you were left out of your family is because you have broken the role that they wanted to place you in you probably worked on yourself set boundaries raised your standers developed self-love and as a result of that you were then punished and made the black sheep of the family but all that really means is that you're not a follower you see when they are acting irrationally and mean and you don't follow that behavior or share that same belief system you think on your own terms so you're not a sheep the rest of them are they are all following each other to maintain this dysfunctional family because they don't know any different you are so free and you are so blessed to see that entire facade for what it is and break away from it you see through everyone's BS and guess what your uniqueness is what is going to to make you great so instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself that you are not accepted in the family like everybody else is and you're not the favorite Child take a second to look around at your family members and think do I really want to be like you when I'm older do I really want to have your lifestyle would I want to trade places with you absolutely the [ __ ] not so thank God you're nothing like them thank God you're the black sheep I am a big believer that our adversities are a gift that are going to make us into who we are really meant to be you had to be put into this family to break the pattern you were the only one that was strong enough to be given this gift of adversity rather than everybody else because you were the only one strong enough to break it and that challenge will force you to grow and learn and reach a higher potential than most ever would and it's only possible if you fight through it and I'm not saying that it's easy or it's fair but think about it majority of successful people go through it have you ever heard somebody who is so successful and have broken so many barriers who had a super easy life and a super easy upbringing no never because if your life was perfect and you had the perfect family and everything was easy who would ever be motivated to do something extraordinary mindset shift number four when they belittle you insult you and are rude to you I need you to realize they simply have a dirty mouth and they've never known how to clean it on top of that you need to realize they probably don't just talk to you in that way they probably treat anybody else in their life in that exact way when they become frustrated and most most importantly they speak to themselves in that way I don't use foul language towards other people even when they have annoyed me because it's simply not in my vocabulary I am actually quite a happy and content individual who loves her life so yes are people going to get on my nerves 100% are people going to be annoying and mean yes it's okay it's okay cuz you know what I have great life to get back to and I'm not out here trying to ruin my energy by focusing on trying to make you feel bad and make you really small that's what your toxic family member is doing to you so for a second yeah when they are standing opposite you and they are calling you every name in the book and they are trying to make you small stay quiet don't don't fight back don't argue okay the I don't know how I hav said this yet do not argue that is how you give your power away when they are being rooted you're going to stand there you're going to be silent and you're just going to act like you're listening but I actually want you to zone out and I want you to realize in your head while this is happening like actually like laugh to yourself in your head this is how you gain all your power back when you take them off this pedestal and stop believing that you deserve this treatment and instead you remember how pathetic is this like I can't believe that they're this miserable and this angry and have this much hater energy to be doing all of this like you're moving so extra for what please if you're annoyed with me and you have an issue or i' I've done something wrong 100% it happens in families tell me what I've done wrong and tell me how I can fix it and that's fine that's normal adult mature communication for all of this anger to to just be spewing out of you so effortlessly I feel sorry for you don't you feel so much better now don't you feel so much more powerful and the same goes for when they're acting jealous and when they're trying to humiliate you and put themselves on a pedestal and try to show like this shiny exterior of themselves to anyone else who will listen and manage other people's perceptions of you and why you are so bad let them when you let them you take back your power when you are seen as the one who was constantly fighting and arguing back and be like no guys but this isn't true and this is people aren't actually listening to what you're saying they are still believing the narrative that's been pushed of you which is that you are problematic and you love to argue you're dramatic you're sensitive you are validating all of the their false beliefs by acting in that way and I know it's not easy but you need to think about bigger picture for a second okay eventually you're going to move out you're going to create an amazing life for yourself and you're going to be the black sheep that turned into the goat of the family so listen let them be jealous let them be threatened by your future potential and success let them humiliate you doesn't matter you're a little old family who you wouldn't even want to trade lives for for a second their opinions don't hold any weight why are you still taking its truth why are you letting it hurt your feelings and then when it comes to dealing with isolation this is very hard it is such a big form of abuse for somebody to hold you back and not allow you to live your own life all you can do in this situation is find certain ways around it try and stay at school for longer for me personally School used to finish at 3:30 I wouldn't come home till 6:00 because I would just tell my family that I was studying at school try to join some sort of extracurricular Club at school where it kind of gives you an excuse to stay away from the house the worst thing you can do in this situation is think oh my parents have now made things harder for me and things aren't fair and I have now all of these obstacles that most people don't so I can't do anything absolutely false you just have to think outside of the box and get more creative the next and most important mindset shift is learning emotional Detachment I have an entire video on my channel committed to learning this practice so I highly recommend you watch it if you haven't already essentially this mightet shift is about observing the toxicity rather than accepting it and understanding it literally has nothing to do with you the second you start taking their words and treatment is personal game over your mental health is going to go down the drain and I completely get it I used to be stuck in the mindset of like why am I not good enough and what can I do to be accepted and loved and I literally hated myself because I took the criticism and the judgment and the swearing as truth about me about my character about what I deserved and what I was going to accomplish in life once you build up mental strength and someone is right here screaming at you telling you how you're not good enough and how you are such a bad person and you can look at them like you're listening but inside you're like doesn't mean anything doesn't mean anything this is all to do with them every single insult and judgment they give me is simply a confession of their lived truth then the table flipped and when you do this you stop chasing their validation as well which once again is going to get you that power and this links into the last mindset shift which is your toxic family members are just human beings they are human beings that are flawed that are insecure that are messy that make mistakes and that are toxic when we get so into this mindset about but you are my mom but you are my dad how could you do this to me how could you treat me like this completely valid to think like that and hurt like that but it's not going to do you any well when you take your family members your parents off the pedestal and you just see them as people and you see them as these incomplete works and prograph who literally they just they don't know any better they they're not capable of doing any better it's not even about you it's not about the fact that you're not good enough or you're not lovable and and you can't be the right kind of person they just don't know how to be there for you and when you stop seeing your parents as parents and you just look at them as regular people trust me when I say it doesn't hurt as much anymore and instead it really helps to reparent yourself you need to be there for yourself you need to cheer yourself on you need to give yourself advice and be there for you and do yourself love and give yourself affection if they can't and this links into the final chapter chapter number three habits to survive and maintain good mental health in this toxic environment all you can do is take back control of your happiness and this is how one disassociation and Detachment you don't absorb the words you simply observe and it's really helpful to identify triggers as well to make sure that you can avoid certain situations you know you can't keep expecting different outcomes to the same old conversation habit number two keep a diary or log of this Behavior this is so underrated okay it's going to help you because listen they are going to gas like you they are going to invalidate you they are going to make you feel like you deserve everything and you're making it up get out the notes app in your phone every time something happens they make you cry you have an argument you feel horrible they said something mean even if it was like a two-minute negative interaction you're going to go to your room you're going to type it up write the date and then write what happened this is not so that you can show the whole world this is so you can show yourself so that next time you are being gaslighted and you're like H like do I have it that bad or if you are finally at the stage where you are ready to cut them off which I do think everyone should do because no one should have to tolerate toxic people even if they are your own family and you are struggling to take that step and you are struggling to go no contact or even to set a boundary and say know to these people you're going to read through the list habit number three prioritize love this is the thing that is truly going to save you and make sure that you're happy in life sometimes the people that you meet along the way in life have better intentions and purer love for you than the family that you were born into and this is where your chosen family comes into play you can only tolerate and give so many chances to your family before you decide this is enough and you step away and you go out into the world and honestly it's just about finding people that they genuinely care for you and they want to see you thve and they want to be there for you and immediately they should be put above the family you were born into the sooner you learn about the importance of your chosen family the happier you will be as human beings we all need love in order to thrive in life okay you cannot allow your bad experiences with your family to make you isolate yourself or be distrustful allowing that to hold you back from forming meaningful connections with other people who will just love you and make you happy again is self-sabotage so make finding that a priority habit number four happy hormone regulation we are four hormones in our body which contribute to our happiness these include oxytocin dopamine endorphins and serotonin and there are literal daily habits you can contribute into your routine to increase these hormones to make sure that you feel more happiness cuz listen when you are stuck with a toxic family and being forced to live in a toxic environment you have to do over time to make sure you maintain that level of Happiness this links into habit number five Raise your vibration if you have watched my previous videos then you know all about this chart which is extremely important when we are stuck in a toxic family we get very used to existing on this vibration of guilt and shame and sadness and that's not how you want to be living okay and the thing about vibration is whatever energy you surround yourself with also becomes your own vibration so it kind of becomes default to be at the lower vibrations because of the energy in the house and the arguments that might be taking place Face Time your friends do your favorite hobby to light yourself up and inject that Joy back into your life and try your best to disengage with your toxic family members this is why I say never argue back even when you're right even when they're being irrational you are spending unnecessary time with these family members that you don't need to and the last piece of advice for this video is to please try therapy if you can afford it I highly recommend it that is the only way you are going to be able to unpack this trauma and really get through it by going to a profession you know there are online services like better help or once again just you watching videos to like this to learn better coping strategies is your best bet for when you're feeling down there are literal books that you can buy on understanding the mind of a narcissist or surviving a toxic family when you start understanding their psychology and the signs not only will you be able to better validate yourself but you'll be able to get through it because you won't be taking it personally and that brings us to the end of this video I really really really hope that this this helped you in some way if it did comment down below and let me know what you learned I really appreciate all of the feedback you guys give me on my videos it makes sure that I can pour more energy and more knowledge into my newer videos to make them better for you guys so I would love to hear your feedback don't forget to sign up to that Discord in the link below if you want some support if you want to make some new friends it will really help and hey you got this you're hella strong and I believe in you and one day you're going to get out you're going to move out and you're going to create a wonderful life for yourself please keep visualizing that because it is going to happen for you [Music] bye