Desire to Not Exist: Understanding the Concept

Definition and Nature of the Desire to Not Exist

• Desire to Not Exist: A yearning to magically disappear without sadness, violence, or death.
• Commonly wished scenario: Fall asleep and never wake up again.
• Not typically discussed despite being a common feeling.

Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov

• Key Scene: Debate about the existence of God between a monk and an atheist.
• Ivan Karamazov’s View:
  • God must be evil for creating a world of suffering.
  • Rejects God’s goodness but more importantly, questions his desire to exist in such a world.

Albert Camus: Fundamental Question of Philosophy

• Camus’ View: Deciding whether to kill oneself answers life's fundamental question.
• New Perspective: Desire to not exist is not necessarily a logical belief but a psychological wish.

Cognitive Dissonance

• Explanation: Holding two contradictory beliefs but living one out because death is too messy and final.
• Contradiction: People who don’t want to die but still want to not exist.

Kierkegaard's Sickness Unto Death

• Kierkegaard’s Argument:
  • Despair from the inability to ‘not exist’ despite wanting to disappear.
  • Concept of eternity: time becomes irrelevant, amplifying despair and boredom.
  • Suffering in timelessness: unable to escape oneself.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

• About: Focuses on the desire to not exist, existential loneliness, and individual struggles.
• Episode 16 Title: Referenced Kierkegaard’s Sickness Unto Death.

Schopenhauer's Influence

• Philosophy: Individuality causes suffering.
• World of Will and Representation: Individual suffering due to distinct wills and limited perspectives.
• Evangelion’s Reflection: Struggles with individuality and desire to unify human life.

Lacanian Psychoanalysis

• Jacques Lacan’s Theory:
  • Desire forms due to separation from others.
  • Concept of the 'Other' and 'Big Other' drive desires.
• Shame and Desire: Desire repelling others leads to shame, desire misunderstood by the 'Big Other'.

Evangelion's Depiction of Desire and Shame

• Shinji's Struggle:
  • Confusion and shame over his desires.
  • At odds with others’ expectations.
• Instrumentality Project: Merging of all consciousness into one, driven by fear of rejection and desire for connection.

Sensory Deprivation Experience

• Personal Experiment: Floating in a sensory deprivation tank to experience 'nothingness'.
• Results: Contentment, rather than hatred for existence.

Existential Solutions

• Reframing Desire:
  • Learning to create from the void.
  • Understanding personal feelings about desires.
  • Accepting friction between desires.

Conclusion

• Acceptance and Risk: Taking risks in desire leads to self-acceptance.
• Evolution of Desire: Moving beyond the desire to not exist by trusting in relationships and personal growth.