Leading Dialogues through Intelligent Questions

Importance of Questions

Questions act as impulses in the brain of the other person.

Crucial to understand how the brain of the other person reacts.

Example

• Asking for personal information (e.g., partner's phone number) may cause defensiveness or refusal.

Types of Questions

Closed Questions

• Require a simple yes/no or specific answer.
• Example: “Do you go to the movies with me tonight?”
  • Impulse: Please decide (yes or no).
• Closed questions reveal the questioner's perspective.
• Problem: They do not provide information about the other person's desires or needs.

Open Questions

• Encourage more elaborate responses and discussions.
• Example: “What do we want to do tonight?”
  • Impulse: Encourages thinking and sharing of needs, desires, and wishes.
• Valuable in sales to understand client needs.
• Gathers more information, which is advantageous in negotiations.

Suggestive Questions

• Imply the questioner's desires, can be manipulative.
• Example: “Don’t you think we should go to the movies?”
  • Problematic because it suggests what the questioner wants.
• Open questions are more genuine for understanding the other person’s perspective.

Power of Open Questions

• Acquiring Information
  • More information leads to better negotiations.
  • Use open questions to gain insights about the other person.
• Steering Thoughts
  • Open questions can guide what the other person thinks about.
  • Example: Asking about someone’s car directs their thoughts to their car.

Increasing Voluntary Information Sharing

• Propose a context that increases willingness to share information.
• Example: Instead of directly asking for a partner’s contact, create a scenario where knowing the contact is beneficial for the respondent.
  • “I’d like to give you a surprise gift for your birthday and need a tip; maybe your partner can help.”

Statistics and Recommendations

• Adults typically ask only 20-30% open questions, with 70-80% being closed questions.
• Aim to reverse this ratio: Increase the use of open questions to 70-80%.