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Lecture Notes: Comedy Show Highlights

  • Yeah, you know, get in the medulla. - I hate your hair. I just hate your hair. I don't like your hair. Why it look like that there? - Talking about that bear, that ain't right. Your career like a wig, it ain't strapped up tight. [DING] [LAUGHTER] - There's nothing more to say. [DINGS] - (SINGING) Backseat of my ride. Go! Go! The backseat of my ride. - The backseat of my ride, I got a dead body. - The backseat of my ride. - You a fake DJ Khaled. - The backseat of my ride. - I like eating salads. - Backseat of my ride. - I bet you do, 1,000 salads. - Backseat of my ride. - [BLEEP] your wife. - Backseat of my ride. - I'll [BLEEP] your wife. - Backseat of my ride. - That ain't nothing nice. - Backseat of my ride. - See? I'm talking tonight. - Backseat of my ride. Go! Go! Backseat of my ride. Go! Go! - Yo, let's go. - Talk about a rusty hair. Everybody lusty. Listen, whore, with that jacket, you musty. - Ooh, big booty. Big booty, big booty, [INAUDIBLE] booty. - OK. We do it. Everybody, do it loud. You look like Bobby Proud. Ooh! [BUZZ] Big booty, big booty, big booty. - [BLEEP] you, [BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER] - Let me know what's your choice. Everybody make some noise! - All right. Do the ugly ass little boy. [LAUGHTER] - [GRUNTS] - (SINGING) Ugly ass little boy. Ugly ass little boy. - (SINGING) Who we introducing? - This my cousin-in-law, and he ain't no joke. Everywhere we go, he be like, bro, where's the coke? [LAUGHTER] - You, yeah. Who we introducing? Who we introducing? - This my cousin Stacey, and she plays too much. I'm going to tell y'all at the house who we introducing. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZ] ["FLOW JOB" BEAT]
  • OK. Now, listen. Uh, I got a package for you. You'll send it to the only thing I'm asking from you. I forgot my line. Nah, I'm playing. Girl, I'm in my prime. - Amazon.
  • Hey! She said-- she said Amazon. - That's not that job, though. That's the company. Just said Amazon. - From the New School, give me DC Young Fly. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Also give me Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon, I need you here, right there. Y'all clap it up for the boss man here. Clap it up. Rada-roop! - DC, them jeans going to give you a yeast infection. [LAUGHTER] - Boy, I know you ain't talking. Look at your outfit, up here looking like some bad ass Mexican cat, the ugly ass-- [LAUGHTER] - I was tired. You know? I was tired. I'm was so sleepy, [YAWNS],, I think I'mma take me a nap. [LAUGHTER, CHEERS] - See, that wasn't funny because a lot of y'all out there laughed, [BLEEP] you look like them when you take your wig off. [BLEEP] do. What are you talking about? [BLOWS WHISTLE] What are you talking about? - You, out! - Got damned! [DING] - The scene is an extinction level event. [CHEERS] - This is what my vagina felt like after DC Young Fly hit it. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - I just want to make this clear. It was already burning before I got in here. [LAUGHTER] - Your scene is in a shoe store. - Got damned. Hey, Justina, all these boxes got dildos in them? [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Your scene is an interrogation room. - Hey, boy. Got that Popeyes you ordered. Extra crispy. - That's right?
  • Yeah. - Mm! OK. Now, it was Terry. Terry went down the street light. Now, hold up. I know two more crimes. [LAUGHTER] - Your scene is a trailer park. - Hey, you got little ass chain like a [BLEEP] can't jump in your yard. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - The scene is a private airport. - This your boy. About to get on this jet. You know, jet life. Ain't nothing going on. A whole lot of play [BLEEP] been doing this. Mr. 106-- - Bow Wow, bring your stupid ass home. Dang [BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER] Hey! Somebody in there? Come on, [BLEEP]. Everybody in. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - This scene is in Italy. [CHEERS] - Brain never been in no church they ain't had no roof, but it [BLEEP] crazy here. [LAUGHTER] - Are you not entertained? [CHEERS] - That's Gladiator. That's Glad-- - Are you not going to give me the bell? - See, that's why I like Black pastors. That [BLEEP] crazy as hell. [LAUGHTER] - Your scene is the Stone Age. - [GRUNTS] - Look what I got us, man. Dinner, man. - What? A squirrel again? [LAUGHTER] Oh, hold up. I think this one pregnant. [LAUGHTER] Man, I'm so hungry. Lord have mercy. Where's my friend? - I went and got us a feast this time. - What you-- a whale? [LAUGHTER] [DING] - (SINGING) 5, 10, 15, 20. Hands up, get that money. - Got that glove. How much you want it? $4. Hey! Got that card declined. Give me more problem. Hey, listen. Right there going to take their hats off. And look, you so easy, just like that scratch-off. - 5, 10, 15, 20. Hands up, get that money. 5, 10, 15, 20. Hands up, get that money. - My money serious, it'll leave you delirious. They be inferior. This [BLEEP],, they can't get near to this. I see the lady with the tampon and I'm curious. How much does she want for it? 'Cause I just got my period. - 5, 10, 15, 20. Hands up, get that money. 5, 10, 15, 20. Hands up, get that money. - I'm so delirious. Hold the money, I'm serious. I'm-- [LAUGHTER] - Your answer is, Wild 'N Out cast members' childhood nicknames. [BUZZER] - What is, DC Young Fly, ugly ass little boy? [LAUGHTER] - Ugly ass little boy. Ugly ass little boy. Ugly ass little boy. Ugly ass little boy. Ugly ass little boy. - What is, they used to call Nick, so I can't play for the band no more? [LAUGHTER] - That's my favorite movie, though. - Oh, OK. Your answer is, signs your significant other is for the streets. [BUZZER] - What is, if you found [BLEEP] walking. What you mean [BLEEP]? It's for the streets [BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER] - You're stupid. Your answer is, the coldest movie lines. - Ooh! - Ooh! - What is, do you mean like actually cold? Like, Jack! Jack! Jack! [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Your answer is, Nick Cannon will get you pregnant if. - Just in case if y'all really need to know, if y'all want to get pregnant by OG. What is, you got to let me hit first and I'm going to tell him how it is, and then he gonna-- [LAUGHTER] [DING] I'm going to let you know, OG. I'mma let you know. - Your answer is, ways to come up on a tank of gas. [CHEERS] - Ah! What is, where are you going? That way? I'll take you. [BLEEP],, you got some good money? [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Your answer is, signs he's into white girls. - What is, excuse me, ma'am. Is this [BLEEP] bothering you? [LAUGHTER] Oh, hold up. Hold up. Hold up. This a good one. What is, I don't know nothing about that because I love my Black queens. [CHEERS] [DING] - Your answer is, you can say this at dinner and during sex. - What is, [GRUNTS]. [LAUGHTER] - What does that have to do with dinner? - This how I eat my food. [LAUGHTER] - Get out of here, man. - What? - People don't eat like that. [LAUGHTER] - What is, [SMACKS LIPS],, ooh, that's a little too salty. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [BUZZER] - What is, I said [GRUNTS]. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZ] - Your answer is, they call it blank, but I call it blank. - [BUZZER] - They call it ambulance, but I call an am-buh-lan. They call it seven, I call it sound. They call it 11, I call it elev. They call it, you beautiful boy, [GIBBERISH] ugly ass. [LAUGHTER] - Let's go, DC. [CHEERS] - Your answer is, Atlanta is best known for. [BUZZER] - What is-- [BUZZER] What is, nephew, what's up, baby? Baby. [DING] [LAUGHTER] [BUZZER] - [GRUNTS] [CHEERS] - [INAUDIBLE] - [BLEEP],, you forgot one [BLEEP].. [GRUNTS] [CHEERS] [DING] ["BIRTHDAY" BEAT] - (SINGING) It's my birthday. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's my birthday. Ah-- [LAUGHTER] It's my birthday. Ah, ah-- - I'mma buzz his ass. I don't care. - It's my birthday. [BUZZ] It's my birthday. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's my birthday. Ah-- [LAUGHTER] It's my birthday. [BUZZ] [LAUGHTER] - My name DC. - Yeah. - [INAUDIBLE] for sure. - Yeah. - Here for my partner, so I hit the tootsie roll. - Hey! [DING] - Ah, ah, ah, ah. It's my birthday. - All right, y'all. Your topic is sitting courtside. - (SINGING) Hey, put me in, Coach. Put me in, Coach. Put me in, Coach. Now you Wild Out. - Give me your jersey. Give me your jersey. Give me your jersey. Now you Wild Out. - I'm tripping the players. I'm tripping the players. I'm tripping the players. Now you Wild Out. - This ain't my seat. This ain't my seat. This ain't me seat. Now you Wild Out. - Hey, there's my homeboy. There's my homeboy. There's my homeboy. Now you Wild Out. - He's not supposed to be here. He's not supposed to be here. He's not supposed to be here. Now you Wild Out. - I put nuts in the rim. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - New School, wild out. - DC! - Let's go, DC. - [LAUGHS] What's up, Quick? - What up, babe? - [BLEEP] you ain't gonna act like you off limits. [LAUGHTER] Boy, [GIBBERISH] Boy, you think you probably scare somebody, but how the hell you gangster and your got damned knees touch egg like. [LAUGHTER] Y'all know how they [BLEEP] talk outside of here? (HIGH PITCHED) Man, DC, I really [BLEEP] with you, man. Listen-- [LAUGHTER] Y'all ain't gonna laugh? You laugh all the time. How you gangster with a kilo on your ear, ugly ass boy. You hard but your ear ain't, ugly ass [BLEEP].. [BUZZ] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - [LAUGHS] [DING] [CHEERS] - You just look funny. - Make Chuck laugh. - Make Chuck laugh. You look like you hate the fall, ugly ass-- [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Uh-oh. New School catching up. [LAUGHTER] - Who on here? [LAUGHTER] Who are you talking to on this bud [BLEEP]?? You got to cover it up like Michael Jackson. [VOCALIZING] [DING] [LAUGHTER] - He got him. - I'm sorry. Our ice cream machine down. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - There it is. That's how, New School. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] [BLEEP] - You have reached the mother-mother-[BLEEP] Bernie Mac, you hear me? [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] And I done told you I ain't got no mother-mother-[BLEEP] milk and cookies, you heard that? And if you thought you were going to talk to me, then bust a move. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS] - (SINGING) Pick up and kill it-- - Your topic is sneaky links. - --and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - Got sneaky links, that is what's up. Your girl in my phone as Pizza Hut. - Pizza hut? Oh, that [BLEEP] crazy 'cause last night, I had your main lady. - Had my lady? Man, that's whack. [BLEEP] disappear, I text her Snapchats. - Talking about Snapchat, wow, that's funny. You were texting me, [BLEEP],, you send us money! [LAUGHTER] - Kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it-- - Your topic is farming. - --kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - OK. Dogs, pigs, turkeys, eggs. DC, you got chicken legs. - Chicken legs? Hold up, Paul. Look at your eyes, boy. You built like a frog. - Built like a frog? You think you slick. DC, you built like a veggie stick. - Veggie stick? Uh-uh, no joke. Justina look like a [BLEEP] goat. - Look like a goat? That's a joke. E-I-E-I-E-I-O. - Oh! I said, that's for sure. E-I-E-I-E-I-O. - Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it-- - Your topic is gender reveals. - --and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - Gender reveal, pink and blue shirts. We only here because Plan B didn't work. - Plan B didn't work. But guess what, Toy? Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'm having a boy. - Hey! - Having a boy, that might be true. I hope that [BLEEP] don't look like you. - Oh!
  • Oh. Oh. - You're ugly as [BLEEP], DC. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - [GRUNT] Excuse me, Mr. Andrew, sir. - Please, sir. - I am your lawyer, and I don't need you to say nothing else, all right? - Yes, sir. [LAUGHTER] - Now, Nick Cannon, according to my documents here, uh-huh, you had a show that was on MTV called Wild 'N Out that got canceled, right? You had a show that was on Fox. It was your talk show that was quite good that got canceled. OK? Which fire hurt the most? Because you know, MTV brought you back, but Fox said, you take your funky ass home. [LAUGHTER] - But, you know, neither one of them hurt because, like I say, you can't fire a boss. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - I mean, I mean, you-- I mean, they still ain't called you back, so. [LAUGHTER] Let's go! [SENSUAL MUSIC] Are you ready?
  • I'm ready. - Now listen. All right, check this out. You stay across the street, and it's all good. I stay with my daddy in the hood. Uh-huh. [BUZZ] I'm keeping-- I said I stay with my daddy-- - You said the word. - --in the hood. - It's called Boys N-- - Oh, [BLEEP] this game, man. - You said the whole movie title except for the word boys. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ah! All right. Now listen, me and my partner real cool. We be smoking drugs up in school. I'm talking about that zaza, that gas. We be high hell up in class. [BUZZ] - You said high. You said high. [LAUGHTER] Let's go, Simone. - I am Hannah thoughts. - [CHUCKLES] - Your thoughts sound a little manly. I know. [LAUGHTER] If that's Justina Valentine, then this is Justina Easter Egg. Ugly ass-- [LAUGHTER] - Not Justina Easter Egg. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ooh, boy. Ooh, [BLEEP]. Chico, you're right. This Marseiiles is crazy [BLEEPS].. [LAUGHTER] Ooh, got damned. This how Justina talk. Got damned. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS] - [HIGH PITCHED SCREAM] [GASPS] I know how to [BLEEP] in Hebrew. [GRUNTS] You got to get under that booty. [GRUNTS] [LAUGHTER] - Man, both of y'all. That's two spits. [DING] - [YELLS] - Going to do my partner like that? - Your part-- yeah. - When you got that girl up there in the purple standing there looking like an action figure? Like [BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER] - Oh, DC. Wait a minute. - That's what we doing?
  • Hold up. - You think that's something? - That's what we doing? - Watch this, DC. Get up there, Lois. Now you can't even see me. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [DINGS] [LAUGHTER] - The award goes to Amoretta. - [GRUNTS] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Well, I just want to tell everybody who not from Atlanta-- [LAUGHTER] --Dekalb County, not Atlanta. Gainesville, not Atlanta. Covington, not Atlanta. College Park, not Atlanta. Stone Mountain, not Atlanta. Douglasville, not Atlanta. Scottsdale, not Atlanta. So basically, what I'm just trying to tell y'all is you're not Atlanta, OK? [LAUGHTER, CHEERS] Thanks. [DING] ATL, turn up. - Turn up for what? - Not only did Nick bring women on the show that looked like us, he also brought women on the show that's built like us. Pretty big. Come on! [CHEERS] ["WILD 'N OUT" BEAT] - Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! - ATL, turn up. - Turn it up for what? - 'Cause the skin on her lace front match the skin on her forehead. [LAUGHTER] [BEAT PLAYING] The real ATL, turn up. - Turn it up for what? - 'Cause I'm having a baby boy! [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Me too! Me too! Me too! Me too! Me too! Me too! [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - (SINGING) Backseat of my ride. Go! Go! The backseat of my ride. Backseat of my ride. - Boy, you born with Jesus. - Backseat of my ride. - You got the extra sheesus. - Backseat of my ride. - Boy, you ain't say [BLEEP]. - Backseat of my ride. - Don't even play with a [BLEEP] like me. Don't you cut me off, bruh. We on that Wild 'N Out. You know I'm going off, bruh. You got the new season, and I'm the whole reason. And you the reason everybody keep [BLEEP] leaving. - Why they [BLEEP] leaving? Listen, boy, you know the best. West Side, don't know the check. Listen, just show respect. Hey, you know what's happening, boy. I'm too school. I'm too full. I'm rapping for the New School. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Go! Go! Backseat of my ride. Go! Go! - (SINGING) Ah, these kids so-- I'mma mean well, but your son is sorry as hell. [LAUGHTER] I told him to go left, you went right. Ooh! I told him to block, he took flight. Woo! Listen. I don't care who you call, but your son is in the touchdown without the ball. [LAUGHTER] - A babysitter? [LAUGHTER] - You son is in the touchdown! The hell am I-- I told him to go left, he went right. [LAUGHTER] - Your scene is an alligator pit. - DC, get out of the tub. You're making the water dirty. - Yeah. [LAUGHTER] - Who you looking at? [GRUNTING] [LAUGHTER] - Boy, on your ass. - I'm on your ass. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. [LAUGHTER] Wow, Justina, your coochie feel like you got eczema on it. [LAUGHTER] - The scene is a campsite. - DC and that boy Funny, if I get two sticks together, I can probably make a fire. - OK. OK. You like [BLEEP] with me. I got something for you. Watch this. Ooh! Where I'm at? OK. OK. I got to get close. Right there. Damn, Justina, your coochie bigger than a mother-mother-[BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Your is a wrestling ring. [CHEERS] - Who wants something [BLEEP]? - I do. Roach Man. Come on. What are you going to do? [GRUNTING] [LAUGHTER] - One, two-- - Ah! [DING] - You already dead. [GRUNTING] - Ready to rumble! [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] [BELL DINGS] - [YELLING] - How to break bad news to kids. [BUZZER] - What is, hey man, close the door. Me and your mama handling business, man. [LAUGHTER] [DING] What is, boy, didn't I tell you to got damned close the door? [LAUGHTER] - Your answer is, a sneaky way to ask for money. [BUZZER] - What is, I swear I ain't trying to get it off my brother. I just need the money. I just need the money. ["BIRTHDAY" BEAT] - (SINGING) It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's my birthday. Ah, ah, ah. It's my birthday. - Ugh! - [LAUGHS] - It's my birthday. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Get over here. [DINGS] [CHEERS] - Hey! - Nick, ain't this, ain't this, ain't this, I ain't this-- [LAUGHS] Ain't that you? [LAUGHTER] You know I'm a real. I ain't going to holler at your shorty. You know what I mean? I'm a real-- I'mma holler Lil Mama right here. Yeah. Listen here. You see Candy? - Yeah. - You don't get it? Basically what I'm trying to say is I'm trying to put these [BLEEP] under your skirt. [CHEERS, LAUGHTER] [BUZZ] - That's her. - Turn around and look. Turn around. - I'm not talking-- that's your-- - I don't care. She's a woman and you're trying to put your [BLEEP] in between her skirts pisses me off. [CHEERS] - What? I can't get no [BLEEP],, but you can put your [BLEEP] in her? [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] I ain't got no pickup line. I'm just be straight up with you. You hear me? You ever had this done to you? [BLUBBERING] [LAUGHTER] - I have not. - Right? So what I'm trying to tell you is, [BLUBBERING].. [LAUGHTER] Hurry up! Make my day. Hurry up! [LAUGHTER] [YELLS] [BUZZ] [DINGS] - [GRUNTS] You ready? I need for you to be smart now. Now, listen to me. My brother was a football, uh-huh, and he was about to be a star-- - My brother was a football. - Y'all [BLEEP] shut the [BLEEP] up. 'Cause he was really about to go far. Now, this where the movie gets sticky. This where the [BLEEP] get iffy. If [BLEEP] hadn't pulled out a shotgun, I'mma like, Ricky! [LAUGHTER] Did you tell her [INAUDIBLE] beat me? [LAUGHTER] - [LAUGHS] My brother was a football! My brother was a football. My brother was a football. - (SINGING) You told him to beat me. - (SINGING) Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - Your topic is roaches. - Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - DC, they big. They small. They fly. They crawl. They on the sink. They on the wall. - And talking about the wall, boy, you really tripping. You ain't had roaches till you had them in your kitchen. - In the kitchen, yeah, I admit it. I saw a roach crawling, so I picked it up and killed it. - Picked it up and killed it, the thought what you said. Until you lift that, that [BLEEP] ain't dead. - He ain't dead. You know what else? Amazing. You ever ate a roach because you thought it was a raisin? - A raisin? When I was a kid. But guess what? I really did. [LAUGHTER] - Kill it and kill it. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - OK. My girl Tamar is so fly-- - How fly is she? - --because out of all the Braxtons, you the baddest one. - Yeah, OK. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Yeah. Here we go. [LAUGHTER] - Don't get [BLEEP] up. - [LAUGHS] I am Monique's thoughts. [GAGGING] [LAUGHTER] - Give it up for DC Young Fly, ladies and gentlemen. - [MUMBLING] [LAUGHTER] - Stupid. - I am Nick Cannon's thoughts. [LAUGHTER] Y'all know what time it is. Why y'all dread got a condom on it, ugly ass girl. Bug your ass. You tell him about it? [BUZZ] - That's OK, DC. Go on back to the pit there, DC. - Ugly ass little boy. Ugly ass little boy. - DC, what are you doing? - I'm walking like your ass, [BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] [SPITTING] - Think they spit already. - Oh, look, Nick. You ain't see her leg was crossed. She was leaning on her angel. [LAUGHTER] - They both spit. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Make some noise for DC Young Fly. - I hope this works. [LAUGHS] I am Gloria-- - DC! - OK, [BLEEP].
  • OK. They try to give me some [BLEEP].. What's up, baby? [LAUGHTER] - He dirty. No.
  • What'd you say? - Nothing. - You got a stupid ass eyebrow scar, ugly ass girl. I am Gloria's thoughts. Damn. When I wake up in the morning, I look-- [LAUGHTER] I look like Bow Wow with a wig on. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Let's go! - Ugly ass little boy! Ugly ass little boy! Ugly ass little boy! Ugly ass little boy! - Silence, my minions. [LAUGHTER] I am Baby Tate thoughts. [LAUGHTER] Can I tell a spooky story, Nicholas? Nicholas Cannon, can I tell a spooky story? All right. [INAUDIBLE] [LAUGHTER] - This is [INAUDIBLE]. Spit it all out. - You weren't supposed to mother-mother-[BLEEP] spit, [BLEEP]!! [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Ain't that your sad titty. Oh, [BLEEP], Courtney.
  • All right. I know I'm a bad bitch. Stop playing with me. [LAUGHTER] - Built. [LAUGHTER] - Nick spit again. Nick just spit again. Nick just spit again. - You weren't supposed to spit, Nick! - Take your stomach out your pants. What are you talking-- [LAUGHTER] - DC. - I am Nick loose Cannon's thoughts. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - You ain't stop this! [DINGS] - OK. Uh, ATL, turn up. - Turn up for what? - Because Tye Tribbett built like a waterbug. [LAUGHTER] So you know God going to let him fly right through the pearly gates. [LAUGHTER] ["WILD 'N OUT" BEAT] - He going to heaven. He going to heaven. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this Joe Biden. - Why, yo? - Because after one hit it of this, your stupid ass going to be falling up the step. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this a DC Young Fly. - Why, yo? - 'Cause when you drink it, you going to have loose legs. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - What are you going to do?
  • I'm going to do it! - What are you going to do?
  • I'mma [BLEEP]. - Do it again.
  • I'mma do it. - Do it again.
  • You think you funny? I got jokes too.
  • Do it. Do it again.
  • All right. - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this a big ol' drink. - Why, yo? - 'Cause once you drink this, this [BLEEP] how your head go. [LAUGHTER] - Oh, you get mad. [BUZZ] - What is wrong with him? - Clap it up. Clap it up. Clap it up. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this the DJ D-Wrek. - Why, yo? - 'Cause after one hit of this, I'm going to need your outfit to parachute down, [BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this DC Young Fly. - Who, yo? - Because it's skinny as hell. And after one hit, you going to be screaming like a bitch. [HIGH PITCHED SCREAMS] [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this Justina. - Why, yo? - Because after one hit of this, you'll be like, damn, this [BLEEP] is good. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - So we got to ignite it. We got to throw more fuel on the fire. Give me Shorty Shorty and DC Young Fly. - Shorty! [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - I need you here. - All right. - Rada-roop! [LAUGHTER] - Wait a minute, mother-mother-[BLEEP].. I'm on the phone with the real Chris Tucker. [CROWD OHS] - OK. Everybody, welcome Alley Cat Williams. Ugly ass. [LAUGHTER] - I'm all-- I'm all for it. I ain't never been no hater. But in the middle of your head, it say DC. You always screaming West Side. Everybody know DC stands for Decatur. [BLOWS WHISTLE] - Shaky. - Can I get a little piece of it right there? Yeah, hit it. Hit it right quick. - OK. Hey, hey. [STRUMS GUITAR] - (SINGING) Shorty. [LAUGHTER] You up here built like a Motrin pill. [LAUGHTER] [STRUMS] I got a headache every time I look at you. [LAUGHTER] - Man, I stay on the ground. You just mad 'cause your hair don't look better than mine. [CROWD OOHS] [BLOWS WHISTLE] Don't play. Don't play. All right. All right. All right, all right, all right. I'm not going to play. I'm not. Too shaky. You, out! - Got damned! - Old School, give me Conceited. I need you here, Conceited. I want you here. - Yo. - New School, give me DC Young Fly. I need you here. - The heavy artillery up top. - Hailing all the way from the end of the rainbow, Leprechaun. You're ready? [LAUGHTER] DC, you're ready?
  • Uh-huh. Scanning him. - Rada-roop! [LAUGHTER] - DC, you built just like ET finger. [LAUGHTER] - Boy, you look like you could do a backflip in a twin bed, ugly ass boy. [LAUGHTER] - I heard when you say bring that ass here, boy. You be talking to Santwon. [CROWD OHS] - Boy-- boy, your ass jump in a champagne glass like it's a Jacuzzi, ugly-- [LAUGHTER] Ooh, this is a nice mimosa. - Ladies and gentlemen, we gave him $0.30 a day and look at him now. [LAUGHTER] - Boy, you the only [BLEEP] I know that shave your face and still look older. Ugly ass. [LAUGHTER] [BLOWS WHISTLE] - You, out! - Got damned. - Let's go, DC. [DINGS] - (SINGING) Eat that ass-- - Do the toothpick. - Eat that ass up. Eat that ass up. [LAUGHTER] - Two toothpicks. Two toothpicks. A whole pack of picks. Yeah, you got too deep. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] ["FLOW JOB" BEAT] - (SINGING) Please get this [BLEEP].. Got damn it. You can trust me with your car. I'mma go in it, I'mma go real far. I'mma pull up in the hood. That thang look good. When you gave it to me, I gave it back on E. - Mechanic. - This [BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - I know what it is! - I got this one. I got this one. You got to get this one, OK? Listen. Listen. I'm on the big person's feet. Every time he walk, he stretch me out like-- [BUZZER] - You said big person's feet. You said big. - Said big. - You like Con so he watched the-- the babies. [BLEEP] I said the kids-- - You said big.
  • I said the kid. - Go that way.
  • Stupid. - That's what you get, DC. [LAUGHTER] - Oh, you old as [BLEEP] anyway, [BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] - Black Squad, give me Mark Curry. I need you here, Mark. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] From the Red Squad, give me DC Young Fly. I need you here. - I ain't got nothing. - Mark, you're ready?
  • Yeah. Yeah.
  • DC, you're ready? - Yeah, yeah.
  • Rada-roop! [LAUGHTER] I said rada-roop! [LAUGHTER] - Oh. - Since he got the little purse, I'll let him go first. [CROWD OOHS] Come here. - Boy, your ass look like one of those crackheads. They'd be dancing with no music. [LAUGHTER] - When he was young-- look at DC. When he was young, they used to take him to the zoo and walk him by the monkey cage. The monkeys would say, why he get to get out? [LAUGHTER] - [BLEEP] - [BLEEP], that. - Boy, you're ugly ass look like you like to sit in the tub and wait until the water get cold. Yup, it's all right right here. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. This is all right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. - Wait, wait, wait. Take-- take your hat off for a second. - OK. - Don't he look like Kodak Black on diabetes? [CROWD OHS] (SINGING) We could have been superstars, but now it's not safe for you. [LAUGHTER] - Boy, you look like you like to drive bare feet, ugly ass. [LAUGHTER] - Bare feet? - Bare feet. - Because you know when he go get that foot done, you know they talking about him. Oh, [MUMBLING]. I don't know. I have nothing. [BLOWS WHISTLE] - I actually go to the nail salon a lot, so I know what that meant, [MUMBLING]. It meant shaky. You, out! - Got damned. - That was a good one. Y'all give it up for both of them. - (CHILDISH) I don't want my soup. I don't want my soup. [BUZZ] [BLEEP] Since you want to buzz me, yo hat, bitch. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - That was funny. That was funny. - Jack! Jack! [LAUGHTER] - You're on my team! - My bad. - I ain't getting circumcised yet. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Come on, champ. Let's get it right. Let's get right, champ. I got you. Got you. Got you. Got you. Got you. It's a punching bag is what I was doing. [BUZZ]
  • All right. Wait. Hold on. You ready? Blue 42! - [YELLS] Damn. [BUZZ] These are [BLEEP] your ass. [BLEEP],, this your head pillow, bitch. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - Red Squad, we did good. That's good. We did a great job. - Your answer is, things that should be canceled. [BUZZER] - What is, Justina's coochie? [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Your answer is, overpriced items. [BUZZER] - What is, everything in the dollar store is over $1, bitch. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] You hear me? [LAUGHTER] Let me tell you something. Hey, girl, it sound like you trying to give me some [BLEEP]. What you want to do? [LAUGHTER] OK, now. - Are you trying to get her or get me? What's up? - What you [BLEEP]? You tell me, [BLEEP]. Because it look like I got another option. [BLEEP], you better hurry up. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZ] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Give it up for DC. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Take note, little Con. [LAUGHS] Listen. I see you got them balls on your head. - [SMACKS LIPS] - Can I put my balls on your head? [LAUGHTER] - [SCREAMS] [BUZZ] - Bye, DC. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - No. Thank you. Meow, meow, meow, meow! - What is that? - Meow, meow, meow! - Is that a cat? - Sorry, baby. I'm a cat whisperer. [LAUGHTER] - Let's go, DC. Let's go, DC. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] - Everybody came up here and want to holler at you. Don't nobody want you. You look like Michael Blackson with a wig on, [BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZ] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Hey, boy! - What's up, baby? [LAUGHS] Oh, what the [BLEEP]. Justina, that's how you would look if you were Black, ugly ass girl. [LAUGHTER] - You're beautiful. You're beautiful. - Here we go. [LAUGHS] Unos, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nueve, diez. - OK? - Basically what I'm trying to say, it don't matter what language I speak, you a 10. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Boy, Chuck, boy your head the same size as Thing of Fantastic Four, ugly ass boy. Move your ass. [LAUGHTER] Boy, your cheekbone-- look at it, [BLEEP]!! [LAUGHTER] - Let's go. - Uh-oh. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Chuck, [MUMBLING]. [LAUGHTER] - Immediately. - I ain't done. I ain't done. We need a bill. We need a got damned bill. Look at this [BLEEP] right here. [LAUGHTER] Man look like you're about to go do the Tupac audition, ugly ass boy. [LAUGHS] You look like you're about to go down for lookin' like ugly ass kid. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - (SINGING) Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - Your topic is roasting. - --and kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - Pick up and kill your hair stylers. Pick up and kill your dentist. Kill your-- kill your boss. You cleaning? They let you survive Palm Beach. - We suppose to be rapping, ugly ass boy. What's wrong with you? Boy, you need to stop. You came from Africa. You the one who made monkeypox, ugly ass boy. - Kiss my [BLEEP], you [BLEEP]. Your head so big, you tie your shoes and flip on my Palm Beach. - Shut up. You look like your mama had [BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] - Kiss my ass. Your mother and your father is the same [BLEEP].. [BLEEP] you.
  • Shut up. [DING] You ain't even from Africa. You ain't even from Africa. Your ass from Alabama, ugly ass. - I hate you. - And kill it and kill it. - I hope none of your dreams come true. - Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it-- - Your topic is roller skating. - --and kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. - I'm in the spot and I ain't moving too fast. They skating too fast. I just might bust my ass. - Might bust your ass? Boy, you need some help. I am the ref, toot, toot, watch your step. - Watch your step? I'm live with the crew. What [BLEEP]? Said I'm looking for a new new. - Looking for a new new, you got rollerblades. I'm from the ATL, catch me. I can't skate.
  • Hey! Hey! Mean you can't skate? That's how you feel? [BLEEP], look at the wheels. [LAUGHTER] - What the [BLEEP] was that? - Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - All right, all right, all right. All right. - Is that your Denzel? - Yeah, that's my Denzel right here. [BLEEP] that up, Cat. [LAUGHTER] What the hell going on, OG? Got a real serious question now. We grew up off the series Friday. Now, we seen Friday, Next Friday, Friday After Next. You dig what I'm saying? And everybody who played a real character in those series, they did good. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] I just want to know from you personally, OG, who you think carried the Friday series? Is it you? Is it Mike F? Or is it Michael Blackson looking ugly ass? [LAUGHTER] - It's a two part answer. Number one, Michael Blackson has never carried anything. [LAUGHTER] Fun fact. Fun fact. - Fun fact. [BLEEP] - But the second part is Ice Cube. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Facts. [SENSUAL MUSIC] - Are you ready? Are you ready? OK. Listen. I hate Dr. Lee. Ugh. I go to AT, yeah. (SINGING) Give me them sticks and I beat it up. Marching on the field, get it heated up. - Drumline! [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] [DINGS] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - You ready?
  • Yeah. - Listen. (SINGING) I read some books. I ate some grass. I use my hand to wipe my tears. In cognazio. [MIMICS TRUMPET] - Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete-- - You so-- - --ocho, nueve-- [DINGS] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - It's a bad bitch alert. What's up? [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] Honey, how you doing? That's good. Nick, I need you to spit the water out, OK? That didn't work. That's fine. (LOW VOICE) Spit the water out, Nick. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [MIMICS HEAVY STEPS] - (SINGING) She want to timber. Nick, [LAUGHS],, I'm Courtney heels. I'm leaning on for dear life. [LAUGHTER] Come on, Nick. You can't see me. Look at her heels like this. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - I like your heels, Courtney. They strong. - [MIMICS HEAVY STEPS] - Y'all evil. You people are evil. [CHEERS, CLAPS] [BEATBOXING] - Oh, yeah. - Get it! Get it! Get it. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Stop playing with me. I am Jada's thoughts. Hee, hee! Oh, hey [BLEEP]. Now, I do-- I really don't want them boots. Them the same boots SpongeBob had on, ugly ass boy. (SINGING) The Krusty Krab. [LAUGHTER] - Where was he at, Fly? - (SINGING) The Krusty Krab. Jada, you weren't supposed to spit. - Yes! Yes! Yes. We get that point. - We're going to get our Wild 'N Out goddesses to bring out these chairs, buckets, and water. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] All right? So let me get DaniLeigh. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Let me get DC Young Fly. You go, boy. You're going to spit. The team that spits the most loses. - I never did this before. I never did this before. - Well, you're going to do it now. - What I do? - Fill up your mouths with water, both of y'all. - Don't you say that to me. [LAUGHTER] - Ladies, Wild Out. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - DaniLeigh, you are doing a great job. She really is. But DC, show them how you ate my [BLEEP] last night. [CROWD OHS] [LAUGHTER] - What you doing? What you doing? - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Justina, take this with you. [BUZZ] Y'all are nasty as hell. - Here we go. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - My twin brother. [LAUGHTER] I know you don't want to look at yourself twerk, [BLEEP].. - Jess look like the mean auntie on a Tyler Perry movie. [LAUGHTER] - Ha! Thank you, bitch. Thank you, bitch. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - 420 friendly, say hell yeah! - Hell yeah. - Oh my, said Dani been holding that water in her mouth long enough to make some ramen noodles. [LAUGHTER] - She dribbling. She dribbling. Spitting like that. - So I went to a restaurant the other day, right? [LAUGHTER] And I waited forever for my waiter. Don't that make me the [BLEEP] waiter? [LAUGHTER] - She spit. - She did too. - It's a bad bitch alert. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Excuse you. Focus. How you doing, DC? [LAUGHTER] [DING] Wait, I ain't say my joke! - He's spitting! - I want to say my joke. [BLEEP] out of here. [LAUGHTER] Come on. Shh, [BLEEP]. Hey, y'all. OK. - Hey. - So look, you know what I'm saying? I'm a beautiful, big-- [LAUGHTER] [DING] - You are beautiful, Courtney. - You are beautiful. You are beautiful.
  • You know what? [BLEEP] you, DC. [DINGS] - And the award goes to Lil' Kim. - Y'all better be nice. - Got damned. All right. Yeah. - Oh, no. - [GRUNTS] [LAUGHTER] [DING] - There it is. - OK. ATL, turn up. - Turn up for what? - 'Cause I'm that dude that gave the [BLEEP] to Jesse, eh? ["WILD 'N OUT" BEAT] - Hey, that was funny. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - Oh, I didn't even know this [BLEEP] was out. Let me put this [BLEEP] back in my pants. [LAUGHTER] - Go back. [BUZZ] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this meet you. - Why, yo? - After you hit this, it's going to feel like you're walking on the moon. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this Nick Cannon's music. - Why, yo? - Because after one shot of this, I still don't know what it is. - You on my team. - I need the bell. I need the bell. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this a hoo! - Why, yo? - 'Cause every time I hit this, I'll be like, hoo! [LAUGHTER] No, I got-- I got another one. I got another one. It just came to me. Just came to me. - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this the emergency lane. - Why, yo? - Because after you drink this, you gonna [BLEEP] your girl like, [ROLLS TONGUE]. [BUZZ] You ain't never rode an emergency lane. - [BLEEP] - It's like, [ROLLS TONGUE]. - I can drive. I know how to drive. - Show him how it is again. - [ROLLS TONGUE] - Take this with you. [BUZZ] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, DC. Take a walk with me. Take a walk with me. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this DC Young Fly. - Why, you? - Because after a couple of hits, you going to need a nap. [LAUGHTER] - Wow. That's funny, though. - No, no, no, no, no. You stay your ass right on up here. [LAUGHTER] - Ayo, what you call that? - I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out my damn self. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Ayo, what you call that? - I call this I [BLEEP] up. [LAUGHTER] - Why, yo? - I realized after I hit Justina. I [BLEEP] up. [LAUGHTER] [DING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] I ain't going to lie. Nick, this job is hard as hell, man. And guess what? It's redemption time, Yin Yang Twin, 'cause we just whooped your ass on that last song. You dig what I'm saying? And it's the last round, the bonus round, and it's called the-- - Wild Style. - Yeah. So both teams are going to come up here and kick a little freestyle. But guess what? We focused more on the jokes, y'all. And each punchline is one point and can be added to the total score. You dig what I'm saying? So Black Team, y'all ready? - Let's do it. - Red Team, y'all ready? [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] DJ D-Wrek. - Yes, sir? - Drop that same old ass beat, man. ["WILD STYLE" BEAT] - Y'all know it's-- - (SINGING) Wild style. - Yeah! - Wild style. - Hey! - Wild style. - Listen. Now, Ying Yang Twins, you know I don't play. Yeah, you know what time today. Yeah. And every time y'all be up in my face, I hate when y'all be like, yeah! [LAUGHTER] - Even rap like Nick. [LAUGHTER] - I don't really want to battle you, DC. - Yeah. - It's like you're a West Side friend to me. - Yeah. - But I'm going to do this for the ATL. Don't play with the champ, 'cause boy, I'll give you hell. [CROWD OOHS] - DC. DC. - Quiet, man. - Hair so big, you could block out the lights. Y'all make some noise for Wakanda Sykes. - Oh. Wakanda Sykes? - Wakanda Sykes. - And you gave him [BLEEP] the bell, bitch ass [BLEEP]?? [DINGS] No! My white boy didn't go. My white boy didn't go.
  • OK. Go ahead. Your white boy can go. - Yo, I've been a fan of this show for most of my life. But now that I'm here, Black Team ain't so nice. Chico Bean, you're really not that funny. I've laughed more at a funeral, dummy. [CROWD OHS] - No, no. Wait, wait, wait. - Ying Yang Twins, y'all ain't had a hit in years. OK? When I hear your rap, for real, it brings my ears to tears. [CROWD OHS] And Charlie Clips, yo, yo, come here-- [DINGS] - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - Charlie Clips, hey. I had to look you up on Google to find some of Charlie's clips. [CROWD OHS] But then it said musical artist, but Charlie ain't got no hits. [CROWD OHS] [DINGS] - Come here, Big Mack. Yeah. You know how we get down. The Red Team, we on the last call, and your Jordans ain't doing this. They're [BLEEP] trying to pass the ball. [LAUGHTER]
  • OK. - Buzzer? - That joke, DC, it wasn't sitting right. - What? - Your hair look like the Color Purple. All my life, I had to fight. [LAUGHTER] - I got him, Nick. I got him. - Get him.
  • Hold on. - Cut that stupid ass beat off a moment [BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] Talk about my team? That's where it's finna stop. I'm about to bring out the glock and it's finna pop, pop. And you already know, and it ain't no cap. Y'all give it up for Chance the Rapper and I never had a chance to rap, ugly ass-- [CROWD OHS] - Wait, wait, wait, wait. Nick Cannon is a cheater. Keep all my jokes cut for air. Cut the beat. No, DC, cut your hair. [LAUGHTER] - For sure. You said something about me, [BLEEP]?? You leave me no choice. Nobody knows you. That's why you always got to use somebody else's voice. [LAUGHTER] - Let's go, yo, kid. - (SINGING) Killin' you. You better shut up, acting like a band. She look like Little Mermaid. DC, you is a crab. [LAUGHTER] - [BLEEP], you need to stop. That bump on your forehead, you got the monkeypox. Hey! [LAUGHTER] - Shut the monkeybox. That bump on your head, you got the monkeypox. - Yo, what he got? - He got the monkeypox.
  • Stop it. Stop it. [DINGS] - Wild style. - OK. Let me break it down, I'mma compound it. B lost weight, and Fats must have found it. It's astounding how we clowning. Now you're drowning. What, you frowning? DC, take this pounding. - Take this pounding. I'm going to tell you, we rounding. Sounding. Listen, this how Justina sounding. Everybody-- [LAUGHTER] - That was pretty damn good. - That was good. - That was a good impression. - Hold up, mothersucker. DJ-- DJ, turn it off, please. One second. Let me-- [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] I don't like none of these [BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] Come here, DC Young Fly. You are funny looking, skinny, and ashy. You look like me if I never made it. [LAUGHTER] - Wild style. - Yo. I said, ooh, nah. DC, why you built like some beef jerky? And CK, man, I'll give you this for free, man. Look like Eman if he ate Eman. And Santwon, tell you how much he loves dudes. He's the one who gave blood to Lil Nas X's shoes. And Morgan, with that fake beard and curls, look like you got cut from the Backstreet Girls. And oh, no, whole team right in front of us. Put Bobby in a grave, tombstone will say anonymous. [CROWD OHS] - DJ D-Wrek, cut the beat. Cut the beat. Cut the beat. - Welcome back, white boy. - All right. Keep going. No, bring your little white ass back up here. I heard [BLEEP] you said. [STRUMS GUITAR] Yo, listen. (SINGING) The Black Team, y'all, we from the street, y'all. I look like jerky 'cause your mama love this beef, y'all. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Wild style. - Yo. Con used to be a battle rapper snapping a mic. Nowadays, the only thing he battling is his height. And Red Squad, I got them because Courtney look like Precious on top and Wendy Williams on the bottom. I got the recipe, killing y'all so aggressively. Incessantly. Schooling y'all like I brought you to Sesame. And DC, why run? Your mom call you DC 'cause she should have left your ass as dry [BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER] - Damn, Justina. You showing off for Joey. You showing off for Joey. - Yeah, I admit. - All right, cut that beat. Cut that beat. You cut that bull-bull-[BLEEP] right now. I can't believe you said Courtney looked like Precious. - Yeah. - That's so scary. - Scary! - And bitch, you up here looking like the Mask from Jim Carrey. - Yeah. - That's 'cause I'm smoking. - Smoking! [LAUGHTER] - Ay, tell them, Jess. - Don't worry about it. I got something. - I call your boots. - I got something for them. What you looking at? Chico, yeah, I take off your hat so we could see those braids on the side of your head. Mother-Mother-[BLEEP],, on the side of your head. Now, hold up-- - Fly, you think you're it. Your hair look like dryer lint. And you know, it's the worst here. This [BLEEP],, he's speaking in cursive. - Yeah. [LAUGHTER] - And DC-- and DC-- - What, [BLEEP]? [LAUGHTER] - Let me tell you something. That barcode on your face is kind of cute. When you go to the store, do you check it like, boop? [LAUGHTER] - OK. I check out like, boop. I check out like, boop, and I'm here to say, hey. But every time you talk, we don't know what you say. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - One, two, three, [INAUDIBLE]. - Yeah. - (SINGING) Wild style. - You already know we don't care. Lil Duval, yeah, he in the chair. And Justina, you ugly as [BLEEP].. I hate your hair. And Mike Rucko, look at your little teeth right there. Ugh.
  • It's the-- - They're talking about my teeth. - More like shock teeth. - Oh, let me get this style. - OK. - Wild style. Wild style. - DC. Hey, DC, you a star. - Yo. - Hey, you're really shining bright. - Yeah. - But with them braids in your hair, you look like a little girl that can fight. [LAUGHTER] [DING]
  • All right. All right. You're right. - Wild style. - Ayo, DJ D-Wrek.
  • Yo, what's up? What's up? - Cut the beat. - Hold up.
  • What's up? - Yeah, [BLEEP].
  • Yeah. - [BLEEP] talking about how I look like a [BLEEP] that can fight. - Uh-huh? - Shut the [BLEEP] up. - Shut the [BLEEP] up.
  • You're right. I can fight. I beat you [BLEEPS] up. [LAUGHTER] - Hold on, DC. Hold on, DC. You my dog, and you know I'd never hurt you. - Right. - But again, with them braids in your hair, you look like Celie from Color Purple. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - White people, you're not supposed to laugh at that [BLEEP]. [DINGS] [LAUGHTER] ["WILD STYLE" BEAT] [LAUGHTER] - Hold on. Wait. - Wait, wait. Hold on. DC, DC, why you come at me? You're supposed to be my little brother. Man, how are you going to flee and then try to run off like you was the ski? Don't this [BLEEP] hair look like some regular weed? [LAUGHTER]
  • Oh, oh, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You're talking about my hair, hold up. You built like a nasty Fruit Roll-Up. [LAUGHTER] - (SINGING) Wild style. - Yo, hold up, hold up. Fruit Roll-Up, dog, you don't want it. These chains so small, ain't they supposed to have candy on it? [LAUGHTER] - Wait, hold on. Wait a minute. Time out. - 'Cause it's skinny. - OK, OK, OK, OK. You know what? Uh-huh, this a little trick. Talking about candy, this tastes like your [BLEEP].. [CROWD OHS] - Stand up. Yo, yo, yo, stay down there. Do that for me, DC, please. [BLEEP] you know you're used to being on your knees. [CROWD OHS] - You know what? I hear what you're saying. Yes, I'm used to be on my knees because [BLEEP],, I be praying. [LAUGHTER] - Wild style. - Come here, Justina. You ready? You ready? Listen. Won't be no stroking. I'd rather use my loosey. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZ] - That was it? - That was it. That's all I had. - Watch your mouth, little boy. You probably can't even save your vows. With this lumberjack joint on, you look like the Bounty Man on the little bit of paper towel. [LAUGHTER] - Hold on. Hold on. [INAUDIBLE] - You better watch your mouth, Clips. Talking about Bobby. Looking like you want some bubble gum. And you, you fake DJ Khaled, when you go to Subway, you be like, make another one. [LAUGHTER] - To prove me wrong, going on and on, I do this by the hour. Matter of fact, you know Nick Cannon got the power. And you know, you could be DC Young Fly if you get a comb. It look like this [BLEEP] came out the dryer. [LAUGHTER] The lint. The lint. The lint. The little [BLEEP] in the dryer. - Now, hold up. Quit. Now, I ain't finna let you talk that [BLEEP].. Now, everybody know your name is Nick. I would say I want Mariah, but I don't want that [BLEEP].. [CROWD OHS] - Me either. - Come here Courtney. I love you, girl. - I'm sick of you. I'm sick of you, DC. - When I see you, I want to get next like a scooter. Ooh, when I see you, girl, I'll make love to your fupa. [LAUGHTER] - DC Young Fly, Fly is your right name because you attracted to [BLEEP]. - Facts. - DJ, can you like-- can you like press the button to stop it, please? Thank you. Now, Slim-- huh? Yeah, you heard me. I think there's something you need to know. [LAUGHTER] I gave your girl my slim and she was like, oh, oh. Now Courtney B, come up here, girl. Let me tell you why you shouldn't [BLEEP] with me. - OK. - 'Cause at the barbecue, I know you like Frito Lays. But you up here built like the octopus off the Mermaid. [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] - Wow. - I don't like that. DC No Fly-- [LAUGHTER] --you look like-- - A small fry. - Thank you.
  • Uh-huh. You got it. - If I sit on you, you will die. - Facts. - Right between your thighs. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - Let me get DC. - The hell you want with me for, man? - Uh-huh. I got a couple of bars, let me spit them out. Jordan, you a gymnast, but I'm the one that's flipping out. And DC, you really bummy, it's true. How does it feel that homeless people give money to you? [CROWD OHS] - All right. All right. All right. That was cool because I take the money. All right. OK. My bad. Nicholas Cannon, cool. Now look, you couldn't do it so you brought your trick, trick, trick. And when you move, your whole outfit be like [SWISHES].. [LAUGHTER] When he do, when he moves, his whole outfit like, swish, swish, swish. When he move, his outfit go, swish, swish, swish. When he move, his whole outfit go, swish, swish, swish. - Let me find out DC want it, want to his face. And his twin sister, too, but I want your face. Yeah.
  • OK. So you want it? Then fine. Well guess what? My temperature on 109. And yeah, get a nine in it. You in ATL, boy. I lean with it, then I rock with it. [CROWD OHS] - You want the beat back? - Hell no with that stupid ass beat. [LAUGHTER] You sit your ass right here, Con, 'cause your whole team is dumped dead. [BLEEP],, you so short, when you go to hotels, you ask them, can I get a king size bunk bed, ugly ass. [LAUGHTER] Come here, Jack Thriller. Ain't nobody done with you. Yeah. Your team some losers. My team do it big. I bet your favorite movie is Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. [LAUGHTER] - That's wild. - I'm the leader of the New School. Yeah. And you know, huh, we too cool. Look, you don't want to start no beef. I just had a newborn baby. Can I use your car seat? Now listen. [LAUGHTER] You eat too much. I know you like [BLEEP]. Look, I beat it enough. Uh. [BUZZ] - It's true. She shaped like a lizard, and you are too. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - You're shaped like a lizard. DC. - I told you we rap for real. - Really? Oh, my goodness. Why would you do this? - (SINGING) Wild style.
  • Ray Vaughn, come back. - Oh, man. - OK. Yo, yo. OK, look. DC, you can never get a strip tease. DC on your head, that must stand for [BLEEP] cheese. And Ray Vaughn, you know that I'm never scared. TDE must stand for tiny [BLEEP] everywhere. [LAUGHTER]
  • All right. - Including you. - OK. That was nice. Now-- - Get her. - --Justina, I heard you rapping. Uh-huh, yeah, I heard you snapping. Now look at your team, they're all in suspense. Look at your outfit, you're wrapped up in a fence. [LAUGHTER] - And you tried to climb it. That little [BLEEP],, I couldn't find it. [LAUGHTER] - You look like half of Cisco. - Uh.
  • What? What? What? What? What? - Yeah. What? What? - Talking Cisco, man, that's my kin. You up here dressed like you got this from City Trends. [BLEEP] And you know you fat as hell. You ate two minutes ago, damn, well now. Woo! I'm talking Con, condescending. You know what's up because Con be trending. Con be trending. Look. But Con is friendly because I had his [BLEEP] last night like [BLEEP]. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - He's a real hustler. Word on the street, DC is his best customer. - People most pissed are this guy's groupies. I guess DC must stand for dry coochie. [CROWD OHS] - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let's go. Uh. - Man, cut that stupid ass beat. I'm tired of that [BLEEP]. Real talk. Real talk. Real talk. Ain't have time for that stupid ass [BLEEP].. Now, listen here. We going to complete the sentence. - [BLEEP] - You up here horse, but guess what? I can't really tell the difference. [LAUGHTER] - Hey, DC, let me know, this my stage. You know the Wild 'N Out book? Well, this my page. You know the gang with the 12? This my gauge. I hit you then flip you like this my stage. - Whoa. - Damn. I thought we was friends. - Uh-oh. - Yeah. - [BLEEP],, I thought we was friends. - Oh, no. Oh, no. [LAUGHTER] - Wow.
  • OK. - Wow. - OK. Listen. I'm about to spit it. I get with it.
  • OK. - I'm talking witty. I get silly. Listen, y'all know you can't [BLEEP] with it. Listen, I don't like your Candy. Got nuts in it. [LAUGHTER] Let me go crazy on this team right here. Cut that [BLEEP]. I don't want to hear that punk ass beat. Cut it off, [BLEEP]. Cut it off. Cut it off. I'm so sick of this [BLEEP]. I'm sick of it. [LAUGHTER] Now listen, Nick. You know I [BLEEP] with you. But everybody on your team so old, at least y'all could have did one episode of The Huxtables. [LAUGHTER] - It was called The Cosby Show. - I wasn't born when it was out. [LAUGHTER] - Hey, your hair was. - DC, you got to respect those things. - DC, don't cause a commotion. Your screams leanin' shoes are beaming. You really need some lotion. And Tootsie, we don't want to hear none of that. Your story's lame. Why are you up here looking like a bootleg Tory Lanes? - Wait, wait, wait. - Hold on, hold on.
  • Hold on. - What happened when you went [BLEEP] on Justina and took a whiff? How you had to walk off? - Like this. [LAUGHTER] - Don't cut me off. You're just mad DC is better than you. Look, I'm back at him. Jump in. - And let you know 'cause I'm cooler. Yeah. You know, get in the medulla. - I hate your hair. I just hate your hair. I don't like your hair. Why it look like that there? - Talking about that bear? That ain't right. Your career like a wig. It ain't strapped up tight. [LAUGHTER] - Oh. - Come here, Jon B. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Now listen. Jon B., you ain't say nothing. My team, yeah, we keep it jumping. [BLEEP] Miss me with the foolery. You need to change your name to Jon Used To Be. [BLEEP] you, man. [CROWD OHS] - You want me to get him?
  • That was whack. - You want me to get?
  • That was whack. That was whack. That was whack.
  • OK. All right. All right. You came at Jon B. Man, why, oh, why? Need to change your name to DC Never Been Fly. - Ooh. [CROWD OHS] - All right. Ay D-Wrek, cut the beat. Hey, Bobby. Don't make me go crazy and get on my ill [BLEEP] because your whole team will get rocked. Turn me into Will Smith. And DC, I'm going to make you cry. How you got on high water jeans but you leave every bitch dry? [CHEERS] - Because I suck the [BLEEP] I [BLEEP].. [LAUGHTER] I know you ain't talking.
  • Oh? - Uh-huh. Looking real sloppy. - Ah? - Look, she a thot. That's why she got lips all over her body. [CROWD OHS] - And DC, you just rave and scream. You up here looking like the bravest fiend. I'll make a scene. You could never make me scream. Old school straight body, we gonna slay your team. [CROWD OHS] [DING]
  • All right. All right. Yeah. I'm about to go crazy like Justina. Listen, raise a team. I'mma raise a scene. You make a-- [LAUGHTER] - Ay, DC. With a bed like that, you might go shave. His hair look like yours if you put it in a microwave. [DING] - What? Rasputin. Timon, Pumba. [LAUGHTER] Now listen, uh-huh. Everybody rapping. But listen, I ain't going to vomit. I'm going to let you know right now, girl, woo, I love both of your stomachs. [LAUGHTER] - You see that? You see what I'm saying? OK. I got him, got him. I got him. I got him. - Go get him. - Wild 'N Out is it for you. Let's be clear. The DC on your forehead stands for dead career. [CROWD OHS] - I got something for you. Are you ready? Look. Hold on. Wait. Time out. All right now. Courtney, like I said, you truly haven't said. But if you let DC hit, that'd be a fly on an elephant. [LAUGHTER] - Wait a minute. - No, let me get this [BLEEP]. Let me get this [BLEEP]. - Courtney, listen. All right, let me hit this bull-bull-[BLEEP] ass beat. [LAUGHTER] Uh, look. Listen, Courtney. You don't want to get laid. Your ass really built like the octopus off the Little Mermaid. - Oh, hell no. I got him. I got him. I got him. I got him.
  • Ursula. - I got him. [DING] Coming at me was a bad decision. I paid my rent with your daddy's pension. And you talking crazy. It's going to get me pissed 'cause I seen your mama and she got arms just like this. [CHEERS] - Roxanne. Miss beautiful Roxanne, can I have you up here to the stage, girl? - Wild style.
  • Listen. Uh-huh. Roxanne, shanté, shanté. I can't believe it. No way, no way. Uh, now listen. I say I'm cleaner than the reverend. But can I give you a hug 'cause girl, you are a legend. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - Now that's so nice, as you can DC. For a minute, I thought your name was VD. I got confused. Didn't know what to say. But I'mma hug you back. Let's have a nice day. [LAUGHTER] - Did you just say he had VD and y'all out here hugging? [LAUGHTER] - Take it back. What'd you tell them, fool? - Wild style. - What you tell them? You really need a treadmill. With these keys, I bet they open up every Popeyes in Fayetteville. [LAUGHTER] - [BLEEP], OK. [BLEEP] you. - Hold up here, man. Talking about keys, you need to watch your mouth. These keys to your mama house. [BLEEP] - All right. Oh. [DING] - Hey, yeah. Keys to my mama house? That was very mean because you went in her closet and stole a pair of jeans. [LAUGHTER] [DING] - I did. I really did. Hilarious boys. Bring your big ass up here. You said that [BLEEP] back there was my father? Yeah, [BLEEP],, I'm 'bout to go harder. [BLEEP],, New School, we don't play, though. You up here looking like two scoops of mashed potatoes. [LAUGHTER] - Ayo, DC, you just mad because I got one over you. Looking like Travis Scott, he was born in Ethiopia. [LAUGHTER] - Ooh! Talking about drag queen. [BLEEP], what? This is a bunch. I know what you be dragging. Your lunch. [LAUGHTER] - Wild style. - Yo, yo. DC Young Fly, you's a dumb guy. I'll leave you tongue tied. You smoke so much, I know your lungs fried. And Bobby J., yo, you fun tied. You keep your buns wide. Whichever squad, how we killing y'all, and you a punt size. And see King, swear you a star. You only do impressions. We don't know who the [BLEEP] you are. [CROWD OHS] [DINGS] [ARGUING] - Oh, you're not done? - We're not done. I know it seemed like she killed everybody. She did.
  • I want to go again. - Go ahead. - I'm finna be just like Justina. I'm going to go crazy on their team. [BLEEP] Listen. (LOW VOICE) One size, I'm on the fun size. [INAUDIBLE] fun size, [INAUDIBLE] size. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] - And DC, your whole team is trash now. I would never back down. It's funny you got wrestlers on your team but I'm laying the smack down. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - OK. [LAUGHS] - OK, Roach Man. - You land the smackdown, but you the one I never lace up on. And with this mask, I know how you feel with makeup on. [LAUGHTER] - DJ D-Wrek, cut the beat. Let me get Fats and that boy Funny. Ayo, I heard you trying to drop pounds, so I'm like, why wait? It's funny your name it's FatsDaBarber but you couldn't cut carbohydrates. And that boy Funny, you are a dumb guy. If that's Big Mack, that's Quarter Pounder. Your ass must be DC Young Fry. - Oh, hell no. I know you ain't do that. I can't believe you done came for my team. That coochie got warning on it because it done kill more [BLEEP] than a crime scene. [LAUGHTER]
  • Uh-huh. - Hold on.
  • Crime scene? - Yeah! - And she thought she had us shook. - Right.
  • Talking about small fry. She a fry, too, when it ain't cooked. [LAUGHTER] - Hold up, Nick Cannon. Come here right quick, son. Know what I'm saying? I'm cleaning this bitch. It looked like your kids pick your jeans in this bitch. [LAUGHTER] - So the leaning this bitch. You a kid. You ain't even 4 foot 3 in this bitch. Ya! Yeah. You laugh, boy. You look like Caillou. You don't like big food. Your ass like small food. I'm on your ass. You need to stop. You don't like French fries, you like tater tots. [LAUGHTER] [DINGS] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] - We get DC. - All right. [BLEEPS] - [INAUDIBLE] - What you-- what?
  • What? - Cut the beat. - I guess she said [INAUDIBLE]. - I'm from Cali. I don't know [BLEEP] that is. - Ayo, DC, you built like a breadstick. You be the star if A Bug's Life went to Netflix. - What?
  • Yeah. - No. [BUZZ] - I was about to say. - [BLEEP] you had for me?
  • Yeah. Yeah.
  • OK. And you rap and you sing real great. But got damned, the only thing you can't do is gain weight. - Oh. - Skinny ass. - That's more like a compliment. [BUZZ] - What I'm about-- what I'm about to say, it's going to hurt to the core. It ain't going to call you the B word, but last night, you was on all fours. And-- [CROWD OHS] --Santwon, listen here. This [BLEEP] going to hurt real swell. You say you're a drag queen. No you are a Dragon Tale. [LAUGHTER] - Hold on. Hold on, Santwon. - (SINGING) Dragon Tales, Dragon Tales. [LAUGHTER] - OK, DC. Just leave them alone. - DC, what I'm saying, we're going to leave you torn. You so ugly, your mama had morning sickness before you were born. - Ooh! - That's usually how it works. [LAUGHTER] - You would know. You would know. - [BLEEP] after you're born. [LAUGHTER]
  • Hold on. Hold on. Let me get his ass. Why you think you popping, I really can't figure it. You standing here looking like a human cigarette. Coming at my crew, that's the wrong approach. Somebody give me some Raid so I can spray this roach. [LAUGHTER]
  • OK. OK. Hold on. - Stop playing with me, [BLEEP]..