Thank you. What's going on, Hop? Oh, you back again.
Sick Find a good one 10 tigers of coin come This is gold Oh, ride with white hair Chinese no subtitles. Hey, do you have any early Shaw Brothers? There's a guy that does leopard style that I want to-Dragon style!
Dragon style! Fire through the air! Fire on water!
Crouching tiger! Spanking monkey! I know you.
Another white boy who wants no kung fu! Kick the ass! Get the girls!
I Need storage, but yeah Where did you get this? It was here. When my grandfather opened this shop a hundred years ago.
He waited for a man to come to pick her up. Returned to write for all of them. Man never came.
My father took over the shop. Waited too. Long time. Not me.
That's a Northern Temple style bo staff. Same kind the 13 monks used to save the Tang Emperor. I've seen it before.
That exact one. I've had dreams about it. You know why? You watch too much Hong Kong Fuyi.
Come. Come on. I give you five awesome Bruce Lee movie.
For a very sick price. You're the man, Hop. Jason!
Hey! What's up? Not much, just, you know, cruising. We've been down to Chinatown. What's up with that?
Oh, heh, Kung Fu. Are you serious? Not supposed to talk about it, not under the Kung Fu code. Hey look, the new kid's making time with the hoodsies. J-Boy, you still riding this loser cruiser?
You need to get a motor for this shit. What we got here? Just some bootlegs, no big deal.
And it a dragon? The bride with white hair? Yeah, that's actually very good. Hup!
Hup! Ow! Come on, let him go!
He a don't. He knows Kung Fu. What? You think you're Chinese?
You hanging out with them chinks in C-town? What's up with you? Let's see some, man. Come on!
Come on! Let's see some Kung Fu, huh? Kung Fu master? Huh?
Huh? Want some Taekwondo? Huh? Oh! Yo Lupo, if he's hanging out with that old chink, cash his checks.
I'm gonna tell you what to do, old man. Just shut up and do it. It's late, man.
He's probably gone home. It's not here, let's just go. Who is that? Ah, Kung Fu Boy. You beg for more good price movie?
I told you, that's the original China account. Come in. Have some tea.
Rest of this game is on. Yankee's weenie, very bad. Who's with you? Friend? Where you keep the cash?
I said where do you keep the cash? Come on old man! Stay here.
Hey Found your Xbox Jesus, sleeper The hell man? You shot him? Dickhead Must be time to arrive, owner Friend Didn't see that, yo You see that? Give me a little shit! Come on man, just don't!
You didn't see nothing! Calm down, Lupo. Hey, chill man, come on. It's a gunshot! Shut up!
Maybe I pulled the trigger. But we're all in this together. But this little cockroach, he ain't one of us.
Drink some tea. It will help you recover your energy. Excuse me, I don't know where I am. I don't know how I got here.
I remember falling. Go! Go!
Go! Give me the gun! Give me the gun!
What? Don't move! This? You want this?
If you want to live, let that bastard go! Hurry! Sir, please give me some money.
Get lost! Where did you come from? I don't know what you're saying.
Where did you find it? I can't understand you. That's because you're not listening. Behind you! I don't know where I am.
Well, how I got here and who those guys were that wanted to kill me. Whatever you did back there was sick. No. Drunken fist. Secret Kung Fu of the South.
I'm Lu Yang, traveling scholar. What land do you come from, monk? I'm not a monk.
I'm Jason. Jason Tripiticus from South Boston. Is this a dream? No. Where you came from is the dream.
Through the gate of no gate. Is that like a wormhole or something? No. It means you're either a Zen master or you carry something very special.
This? It was in a pawn shop waiting for a man to pick it up and return it to its rightful owner. What?
It's long been foretold that a secret will come to return the staff and end the reign of the J warlord. Return the staff to who? Ungeeking, born of stone.
On the mountain of fruit and flowers With his weapon in hand His chi became like fire His stick fighting like magic He defied the order of the land But the Jade army could not defeat him The Monkey King crushed every soldier sent to stop him. With his magical staff, he was unbeatable. Word of his disobedience traveled deep within the Forbidden Kingdom to the Five Elements Peloton, Land of the Immortals.
Once every 500 years, the Jade Emperor hosts the Peach Banquet. It is here the Heavenly Ministers gather to celebrate the longevity and drink the elixir of immortality. One sip of this heavenly brew will give everlasting life, free from mortal suffering and desire. Into the banquet, the Monkey King crashed uninvited.
The Jay Emperor was enchanted by the Monkey King. But the Jay Warlord was not amused. As master of the army, the warlord demanded the Monkey King bow down to him. He's a bit unrefined, that's all. Give the naughty monkey a title and let him go.
Satisfy always well in heaven and earth, the Spring-Ni High Emperor left to begin his 500 years meditation, leaving the Jay Warlord in charge by mandate of heaven. But rather than obey the Jay Emperor's command, the Warlord challenged the Monkey King to a duel. High atop Five Elements Mountain, in the Warlord's Palace, the Battle of Immortals was fought to prove once and for all whose skills were supreme. Thanks for watching! Hehehehe Most excellent stick fighting, Sun Wukong But without your weapon, you're nothing but a lowly hermit No more weapons, no more chi magic Fist against fist The Monkey King was too trusting and believed the Warlord's words, laying down his magic weapon Fuck!
Realizing he's been tricked, the Monkey King cast the staff out into the Middle Kingdom. Martial art is based on deception. My friend.
Being immortal, the Monkey King could not be killed. Only chopped in stone, where he waits for the secret from the prophecy to return to him his great weapon and finally free him. That's what I heard anyway.
Long time ago. How long has he been in prison? 500 years.
Give or take a few decades. They say when the Monkey King is free, the J.M. Pravo will return. How do I get home? You must return the staff to Five Elements Mountain.
You must free the Monkey King. I can't free the Monkey King. I gotta get home.
Innkeeper, more wine. Geez, don't you think you've had one too many? Wine is my inspiration.
In some parts, I'm known as a poet. Kanbei. In other parts, I'm known as a beggar. Wife!
Wife! Where did this come from? Sir, they use this to pay for alcohol. Look at this!
What? What are we doing now? How good is your Kung Fu? Ah! He who speaks does not know.
He who knows does not speak. Surely you are masterful. Where do you get that weapon? It's a fake.
You can find anything these days on the Silk Road. Out of the way, old fool. Huh?
Hand it over. Hand over the weapon, or die. Bust!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Let's go! Jump! I don't think so! Don't think!
Just do! Don't move! Get out of the boat! Don't move! Get out of the boat!
Come on! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Thank you.
Oh, just go! Look, such a skill, child. Are you from Northern Mountains? She's golden spare for myself.
Jump! We really saved our lives back there. I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't come along.
She does not think the drunken immortal needed his life saved. You're immortal? What do you run from, child? Bounty hunters trying to stop her from reaching the Five Elements Mountain.
I suggest you keep riding west and only stop to water your horses. You're not coming? The journey to Five Elements Mountain crosses barrens and deserts, unspeakable dangerous.
Worst of all, no wine. His elixir. Every immortal has one.
I'm very sorry. Without wine I would perish. You must understand this. No, you must understand this. This is insane!
You wish to get home? Yes. Then listen well. If you die here, you'll be found dead in the world you left behind. Do you understand?
My jacket is getting low. I must say goodbye. Bye-bye. Blue, wait! Let him go.
You are the one to return Steph, not him. How good is your Kung Fu? He's got no Kung Fu. None. Blue, wait!
Teach me. Teach me to fight. Doing soft, hard, hard at the same time! It's terrible.
I've been your weed whacker for two days now. While you sit on your horse like the king of England. When are you gonna teach me Kung Fu? You want to learn Kung Fu?
Yeah. I teach you Kung Fu. Dance called Strike. Tomorrow teach you block. Let's go.
Swing soft. Cut hard. You think you'll teach me the no shadow kick?
Oh, and the Buddha palm technique? There's a guy in Virtua Fighter 2 who does the Buddha palm technique. Thanks, Luke.
And he does the, uh... the iron elbow. And he does the, uh, one finger death touch. The cup's full.
Stop, it's full! Exactly. How can you fill your cup if already full? How can you learn Kung Fu?
You already know so much. No shadow kick, put the palm. Empty your cup.
Hopeless. It is hopeless. It is said that music is a bridge between earth and heaven. It's beautiful. It belonged to our mother.
General You are such a big spy Didn't you see me being so busy? General It's the legendary Ruyi Golden Bone It suddenly appeared in the middle Impossible There are many rumors in the people They all say Yu Yan is going to be real Those are just words Yu Yan promised not to mention Just like the opium I can't get rid of it Do you have any bad news to tell me? General, there's none Go to the Yaoshi and tell the White-Hair Demoness to come Thou.
Luion? Luion? Luion!
LUION! SPARROW! Are you alright? Jason, what happened?
He took it! The staff! The Jade Warlord has sent a bounty hunter. We are doomed.
That's his horse. He must be inside. Why would he take refuge in a temple?
That's what I intend to find out. Wait with the horses. Ah, good to get off my feet. Long day. So, where you from?
Sandung Province. You look like the Sandung Province type. You come here often? The staff doesn't belong to you. What kind of monk are you?
Stealing from travelers? Ah, asylum when I see. Or death. I'm speaking to you, monk! Praying Mantis, very good.
For catching bugs, but not tigers. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! You try to steal the staff for the warlord? No, fool!
I'm on a mission to find the Seacraft Staff. You found him. He is not a middle-class man.
Buddha said that all beings are equal. Amitabha. What?
I'm going to drink with you. Drink and don't think about others. The world's first crime. Cheers. All the men in the world are liars.
Yanzi, Xiao Yanzi, where are you going to fly to? Jason, go deeper. Must taste bitter before sweet.
Horse dance. Grow roots. Horse dance?
Very good. From taking a dunk. Hey! Enough from you!
It's my students, not yours. Two tigers cannot lift the same mountain. Two masters cannot teach the same student. Mabu! He is really to learn the Kung Fu.
He must develop speed, accuracy and power. Hey! I know that.
Sway the intercepting fist. Firstly. I will punch. You block.
Ready? What did I teach you about the snake? Now, you punch me. Look! See?
Again. You punch him again. Snake! It's not right for snake. Perhaps eagle.
Crane! Crane! Okay! No more! No more!
Silent riddles! And no more empty cups! Hey!
First rule, show respect to your teachers. So, what about the two tigers on one mountain? We can kill each other when it's over. Gong Fu Hard work over time to accomplish skill Painter can have Gong Fu Or the butcher who cuts meat every day with such skill His knife never touches bone Learn the form but seek the formless Hear the song list. Learn it all, then forget it all.
Learn the way, then find your own way. A musician can have a gong fu, or the poet who paints pictures with words and makes emperors whip. This too is gong fu. But do not name it, my friend, for it is like water.
Nothing is softer than water. Yet it can overcome rock. It does not fight.
It flows around the opponent. Formless, nameless. The true master dwells within.
Only you can free him. Behold the tyranny of the warlord. He must be stopped. He must be killed for his crimes and his head put on the post. But a woman must not feel hatred towards him, or he wins.
If he speaks of compassion for this devil, he should go back to his temple and pray. Our mission is not one of peace. Go back to your mother and father.
You're a bad child. They're dead. And she's not a child.
Not anymore. Her father. was a government official who opposed the warlord.
And so, to set an example, the warlord dispatched his troops into the night. ...and upon Legion, poured out of the Five Elements Mountain into the lowlands of the Middle Kingdom. Screams of innocent people hung in the night air. It was over.
Charged ruins were all that remained. That, and a lonely child, hidden in the well by her mother, ruthlessly mocked by an arrow. The world was bowed.
When she reaches the Warlord's palace, she will not offer him forgiveness, Monk. She will offer him this. A jade dart that can kill an immortal. Long has she practiced.
Vengeance has a way of rebounding upon oneself. Huh. Master of sensitivity. Liu Sha He is right in front of us.
They are dead. They were buried for 500 years. The monkey is still so stupid. He thought he could be released by a boy who has never been tamed. This desert is hot.
This is not a desert. That is the desert. I hope you know where you're going. Crazy boy. A monk on a mission from Red Sea Lilas across the desert to nowhere We're not gonna make it, are we?
And even if we do, we still have to face the Jade Army. What if I can't handle it? What if I freeze?
Don't forget to breathe. If we don't find water soon, we will perish. Perhaps a Taoist immortal can make Ray. If he truly is a Taoist immortal.
You are an insult to the name of Buddha! Blasphemy! No! I lead you to the mountain!
Out there! Welcome to the TheFNDC.com Video Video Video Video Video Video Can you see them? In the clouds? A two-headed lion. Right there.
See? Yeah, I see. See that one?
Right there? Coming up behind it? Like a wave? Looks like the Green Monster. Green Monster?
You mean dragon. No, I mean Fenway Park. They call the left field fence the Green Monster.
It's true. It does kind of look like a dragon, though, doesn't it? Have you family back in this land you come from? My mother.
Father? Never knew him. Do you ever long for him?
Wonder who he was? Maybe the only thing I've ever been good at. Pretending that I don't. She is sorry. How romantic.
Now we'll tell you what you want to hear, Sparrow. But in the end, they will leave you with nothing. You survived the river of sand. Impressive. And you, boy.
So far from home. I can ensure your safe return. Just bring the weapon forward.
I don't think so. Why do you want the staff? When I deliver the lost weapon, the Jade Warlord shall grant me the elixir of immortality. an orphan girl, a lost traveler, an old drunk, and a monk who has failed at the same task for half his life.
Misfits following a misfit in hopes of rescuing a misfit. Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! You okay? Death thirsty. Lou! It's okay.
He's immortal, right? I mean, he is, right? Why? He needs his wine.
There's nothing we can do. What are you saying? We have to do something.
I'm afraid the wound is too deep. He will not survive it. He needs wine. He's one of the eight immortals.
Wine is his elixir, please. We will send a walking monk. Don't you have a running monk?
When I was your age, I was a scholar warrior in training. My era was good, so too my Kung Fu. So, I was chosen to take the several assemblations. To pass would base me in the very short line of scholarly models.
I failed. No, no, no. One does not attach himself to people and desires.
Never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live? I would rather die a mortal.
I was a care person when then I've been free from the ease of my own death. I don't want to lose you. Forget about me.
There is only one elixir of immortality. It is the Emperor's Mix of Jade, Cinnabar, and the Souls of Mercury. It is forever stored in the realm of the Jade Palace.
the Jade firmament, rarely touched by mortals. To reach it, one must take the North Road and cross the border of Heaven and Earth, only to face the Jade Army. I'm sorry. There is no other way. Yes, there is.
In two nights, there should be no moon. We can take the south side of the fourth peak, under cover of darkness. We have to go now. No! He's gonna die!
We go now, we all die. There is more at stake in the entire kingdom. Your passage home.
We will advance in two nights when the moon has ceased. So be it. When she met you, long ago, in a tea house, you were a lost boy and frightened, not the kind she would stand and fight with.
Welcome to the The The The The The The The The The Thank you. You've made a most excellent judgment. The Seeker from the prophecy...
Not quite what I expected. A man is dying. Back on Song Mountain. I need the elixir. And why should I give it to you?
Because I brought you the staff. The life of your friend for the power to rule a kingdom. A most reasonable offer.
This man, a good friend. And a good teacher. The man who honors his teacher honors himself.
However, there's a bit of a problem with your request. You see, I've promised the elixir to someone else. She didn't bring you the staff. I did.
The boy has a point. My liege, you made a promise. There is but one way to resolve such matters. A martial challenge. to the death with pleasure elixir of immortality The secret from the prophecy...
I find that quite amusing. Did you really think that even for a minute, you stood a chance? I didn't think so. Ugh! She will kill you.
Which? Not if I kill you first, orphan bitch. Kanbai! Remember what I told you!
Let's start you! Use the staff! Lord.
Who are you? The youngest daughter of a family you murdered. Come drink with me. No! AAAAAAAAGH!
It's terrible. It's terrible. Hey, come on.
Come on. You're gonna be okay. Jade, oh lord. He's dead.
Is there anything you can do? Her destiny was written by her own hand. I am sorry. Traveler, you have come far through the gate of no gate to fulfill the prophecy of the mortals. What do you desire, please?
I just want to go home. Ah, very well. It is said, master and student, walk the path side by side to share their destiny until the path goes separate ways.
I'll never forget you. I guess that's what being immortal truly means. You afraid me, traveler.
Now, go free yourself. Thanks for watching! Sup? What's it gonna be? You gonna shut up?
Listen pissant, I ain't gonna ask you again. Who? Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Come on, Maggie, get him!
Come on! Huh? You want some more? You want some more?
Huh? Come on! We don't have to do this.
Pop! Pop! How's he doing?
Mist is hot. He'll live. Of course, Aleph.
I'm immortal. Did you return the staff to write for Oona? I did. You're the man.
Is he gonna be alright? Looks like it. I saw what happened. I walk across the street.
You are very brave. See ya. Yeah.
Absolutely. As the legend has told, that the Monkey King began his journey west in search of truth. While the traveler returned to his world to walk the path of the warrior and find his own truth.
As one tale ends, so another begins. Thanks for watching! Thanks for watching! Thank you.