hi guys welcome to a new video as you can see I'm surrounded by nature and trees I thought let me do something else for this video let me make it pretty so we went and bought some trees and plants today and actually I really like this background so let me know if you guys like it today I actually had um a video planned out and a whole idea I had done like research and everything I have been going through something thing the past week and I was like you know instead of forcing a video let me just like be authentic and talk about how I feel which obviously I do a lot I wanted to talk about having boundaries with people in your life um because that's something I struggle with a lot and have struggled with throughout my life you know in all kinds of Dynamics you know family friends uh partners and and I've really came to a point now where it's really gotten me angry uh not necessarily at the people but at myself you know when you like love somebody and you care for somebody and you want to only see the good in somebody and then you have people around you who are like shouldn't trust it you know they're like telling you things but you're like no um you keep defending this person person you keep saying like oh no this person is not like this you keep denying everything that that's being told to you because you're like I know this person this person wouldn't do this this person wouldn't say this this person is not like this I know this person and then afterwards all the people telling you all these things were right this is such like a humbling experience when you're defending somebody going against people you love doing all these things and then these people turn out to be right it's such a humbling experience always in my life I really give people a chance to show themselves to me how they are so I don't care what anybody says about you I don't care how many people tell me that this person is not good for me I don't I don't really care cuz at the end of day if you're a good person you're a good person and whatever you do if I want you in my life then I'll have you in my life as long as you're good to me but of course that is a very dangerous mentality cuz when you love somebody you really only want to see good things in them you only want to see the positive things you don't want to see the negative things you don't want to believe the things that are being said and of course my mentality of I only want to see the good in people and I just want everyone to have like a fair shot or fair chance in my life um so whatever is being said I don't care for it if I sit with you and you're a good person to me I'll be a good person to you but sometimes I learned we do have to listen to people around us we do have to listen to people around us who actually love us people around you who have been there for you when you were at your lows people who have been there for you when um you weren't doing well and they always stood by your side when these people are telling you hey you know this person uh I would watch out and I have learned that now that maybe I should step back and actually listen to what they're saying cuz my mentality of oh no I I want to see it for myself always gets me in the situation that I'm in now where the people around me turn out to be right when you love somebody what happens is you you get these little glasses with pink um colors on and you put them on and you can only see the positive in this person you're like even if this person slapped me today I I would think it's out of love how delusional and and crazy we get when we love somebody or when we care for somebody we really think that oh they can do no wrong this is the perfect person all the people that love me around me and have been there for me whatever they they say no they're trying to they're trying to sabotage it they're trying to ruin what I have you know we start thinking all these things but that's what happens when you have these glasses on when you take them off these glasses and you actually start listening to the people around you they actually most of the time turn out to be right they actually most of the time really trying to protect you and really trying really do want the best for you I want to listen to the people um around us who are like hey watch out we don't want that you know we always want to see for ourselves we always want to you know I'll find out you know this is my life for example in my situation looking back at it was really selfish I should have taken a step back and actually listened to the people around me that really love me you also cause heartache and pain for people around you cuz if someone loves you and they see you going through something that upsets you or hurts you also hurts them you know what I mean and sometimes we should actually listen to these people of course it's your life you do what you want you know you you date who you want you have you bef friend who you want my last video I told you guys that you know I've been feeling really numb and I don't really feel anger anymore but this week I actually went to therapy again and the anger is back guys I really uh have been feeling really angry a past couple of days not with anyone in particular mostly with myself I go into these friendships or relationships uh or Partnerships where think that they only can do good and then you don't have boundaries and you believe that someone cannot can do no wrong then why would you have boundaries you know so then what happens is you have this relationship or you have this friendship and then after then you start realizing everything and that's also what I was thinking today the relationship or friendship is done we start to realize like hey this was not normal hey the way you talk to me here was not normal hey the way you behaved here was not normal why did I accept all of that why did I apologize in situations where I shouldn't have apologized why did I accept certain things that I would never accept from someone else that's why I'm saying listen to the people around you sometimes because the people around you they're not in it with their emotions they're not in it with their feelings they're not in it with um those rosec colored glasses they can see the situation for what it is and we as people especially me like I'm always like no I don't want to listen I want to see for myself but we shouldn't do that especially if you're like sensitive like me you cannot believe that someone can do something wrong when you love them when I love them they can do no wrong with when you're like that you should listen to people around you cuz these people can actually save you from a lot of heartache and um situations you don't want to be in and now what happens you get angry at yourself you feel worthless or you feel insecure or you feel like hey I didn't deserve this most of the time when uh like friendships or relationships and there it doesn't happen often that you actually have a conversation with the person in your life hey why did this happen why did that happen most of the time we just move on and we you know try to let go of what happened and don't try to repeat those mistakes but doesn't happen often that we actually have a conversation with that person and be like hey you know why did you say this to me why did you degrade me in this way why did you behave like this it doesn't happen often that we do that because if we did do that then maybe that would help a little bit in understanding why and how but then again an answer from that person to your questions is not really what we're looking for here then I was talking to my terapist and I was they did this I was explaining the situation and I was like they did this and this and then I was like but yeah you know nobody owes me the truth cuz everyone this is how I taught nobody owes me the truth cuz you know you know it's their life and if they don't want to share something or they don't want to be honest about something then that's their choice no that's not that's not a good way to think I don't want people in my life who lie to me if I'm being there for you if if if you can count on me then I expect the same thing from you yes of course everyone has their own life and they can decide whether they share something or or not but I don't want people in my life who lie so I made that decision for myself cuz I used to be very like oh you know you don't have to share everything with me and no I want people in my life where I know you fully I know who you are I know what you're capable of you feel angry with yourself cuz you're like why did I accept this why didn't I do something in the moment you know when you're in a situation when when we were younger and we had a fight with somebody then after we would in the moment we wouldn't say anything but then after we would go and we would be like oh I should have said this I should have said this and then that's what happens when you don't have boundaries after you're like why didn't I do this why didn't I say this why did I not end it there why didn't I put a boundaries in that situation you don't even look at the person you're not even thinking about that it's like you're you're angry with yourself you're like why did I accept that why did I and we put the blame on ourselves constantly but that's also the thing we shouldn't blame ourselves placing boundaries is so important what because that's where you show someone hey this is where I respect myself and you're not going to cross that line and when you don't have boundaries most of the time people will not respect you and that's I really wish that it was not like that but most of the time it is just like that when people see that you don't have boundaries and you accept anything and you'll be there for them even if they talk [ __ ] about you and do all these things and you still you still try to fix things and you still try to be there for them and all these things you you show this person oh this person doesn't have boundaries and when you don't have boundaries people will walk all over you that's why boundaries are so important not only in relationships not only in friendships also in your family you need to have boundaries with people I've talked about this where we demonize anger so much but you know what I'm angry again I can feel anger again because I've been feeling really angry past few days and I just love it anger will really show you where your boundaries have been crossed it will show you where you have been hurt that's why we feel angry you know um they say angry anger is always a secondary emotion the anger came really from a place of why did I accept this why did I accept this again why did I not see this in the moment why why do I always have to see things after the thing ends like and that's where the anger comes from I'm I'm angry at myself but then the anger really showed me where I need to set my boundaries that's what I really understood after like hey you know in these moments I really didn't respect myself I should have set boundaries in these moments and I didn't made a mistake I'm going to learn from it now I'm going to move on in the future I will have my boundaries set and I will not let anyone cross them being like hey these are my boundaries and you're not going to cross them it's so hard it's actually so hard cuz we do love people and we do want them in our life and we do want to fre give and we do want all these things and I think sometimes maybe we fear that oh if I set all all these boundaries then nobody's going to be with me or people you know people are not perfect people make mistakes if I have a fight tomorrow with my sister and she crosses a boundary she's not I'm not going to remove her from my life you know it's my sister she's always been there for me she's been there for me my worst moments the next time I'm I'm just going to tell her hey you know I didn't like what what you said here I would like you to not do this again that's a boundary hey I don't like it when you say this you know boundaries don't have to be like hey you have to leave my life right now we're like oh I will never um accept this or I will never accept that and then in the end we always end up accepting everything we said we will never accept and that's because you know love comes in you care for somebody you don't want to lose somebody you want certain people in your life when you tell yourself hey you know actually this really upset me but um I'm going to forgive them either way I'm going to keep them in my life and then they do it again and then do it again keep Crossing keep Crossing and then it becomes a habit me when I love somebody I'm just going to be really honest I lied to myself a lot I am delusional when I I am in my relationship when I love somebody even like with friends when I really uh want someone in my life I'll become a little bit delusional then they cross the boundary then you're like M you know it wasn't that bad now something else happens you know they didn't mean it like that you always try to make the situation like more beautiful than it is you you try to you know if we just look at the fact is they crossed the boundary they didn't respect you they said something mean they did something that's unacceptable but then we're like oh but you know they had a bad day or you know they have a lot of trauma or you know um they're going through it you know and oh you know I said something which made them upset and that's why they reacted this way no this person just blatantly disrespected you just speak the truth like we lie to we lie to like I'm laughing cuz I'm thinking by myself we lie to ourselves so much but if we just would sit back and sit and be honest no that person disrespected you yeah sometimes it's hard to admit that they did cuz when you love somebody you don't want to believe that they don't love you you don't want to believe that they could disrespect you you want them in your life so you will lie to yourself and to everyone around you to keep them in your life but then who ends up getting hurt you you know we hurt oursel by lying to ourselves but if we were just like sit back and be like if this and this happened to my friend or to my sister would I think that is normal no way I would be super mad I would go crazy so then why don't we apply the same rules to ourself also I would say with having boundaries and everything when you're for example in a relationship don't share every detail everything with your with other people with your friends with your family don't share everything they don't have to know everything cuz what happens is we go cuz you know obviously we we love our friends we love our family we want to share things with them we want to see their perspective on our situation but then we go we share everything and then these people have this image of this person then when you have a fight with this person and you go to your family or you go to your friends and you tell them then they they get upset because they love you obviously but then what happens is you forgive them tomorrow but your family won't forget and your friends won't forget so you guys keep going back to each other but everyone around you they don't forget cuz they love you obviously so I would also like advise try to keep some things private and keep it to the relationship or to the friendship cuz not if you keep telling about your fights to people around you obviously they're going to have an image cuz they're obviously not in love with the person they're going to have this image of this person they're not going to like them but then you keep going back back so we should also have boundaries there where we don't tell everything to people around us I can't we all just like love each other like honestly God how many more lessons I have been going through it I have been healing I've been doing everything you asked me it's my fault guys it's my fault when you do have boundaries they'll be like oh but if you really love me you wouldn't you wouldn't leave me you would you know a relationship is work and uh we should work on this and we should fix this and if you really love me you would be with me and we would work through it together and we would forgive each other no no I don't want to live like that I don't want to have to keep forgiving somebody I don't want that for myself I don't want to accept disrespect I also feel like it comes from my childhood where I have a hard time setting boundaries because I'm like yeah you know i' I'm the oldest you know I um because every time something would happen where my boundaries maybe were crossed it would be like yeah but you're the oldest so they're the younger sibling so you have to you have to forgive them because they're younger and you're the example so if if they do something wrong it's your fault so when you grow up like that that you always feel like things are your fault and you always feel like I can't you almost feel like I can't even set boundaries cuz I'm responsible so if someone disrespects me it's my fault almost which is really weird and having boundaries can sometimes be can save your life because some people are really crazy and some people are really not good people and you don't have boundaries and you let someone walk all over you how far will they go you know we we see it a lot where people that people walk all over them and then it ends it ends really bad boundaries are so important boundaries can literally be life saving especially when you have a lot of empathy for people you feel bad for people you always try to understand where someone is coming from then it's really hard to have boundaries cuz you're constantly like they had a hard childhood they've been through this they've been through that then you start feeling bad for the person then you disrespect yourself constantly because you try to understand the other person but did that person sit down and actually feel bad for you cuz you're feeling bad for them you're constantly having empathy for them you're constantly trying to be there for them but have they done the same for you did they sit down feel bad for you did they sit down feel B feel bad for your childhood no they didn't and we we make up these excuses look at the facts they disrespected you that's it don't have to go like oh they had a rough childhood they had this that no they did something wrong and we're going to stop it at that they did something wrong I should set boundaries this I will not accept again that's it we don't have to find excuses for for them cuz they don't know that for you so why do it for them we're out here tolerating people cuz we don't want to lose them but then is that really a loss if you think about it if someone is crossing your boundaries if someone's disrespecting you and they leave your life is that really a loss at the end of the day what are you losing there what is it in me that I think that talking to me in this manner is normal why do I make excuses for these people why do I do that you know people can leave our Al we can detach you know we can be angry at other people but at the end of the day if they leave our life they leave our life but you have to sit with yourself every day and you have to keep thinking like oh I accepted this oh I I let them cross my boundar from the beginning these are my boundaries if you cross them I will act accordingly and that's it and really stand on them you know how they say stand on business stand on your boundaries and don't let anyone cross them you know it is what it is it's reality if you don't deal with reality reality will deal with you thank you for watching guys I'll see you next week have a wonderful day love you I think I'm GNA end every video with like a poem because I really like poetry or with like a little story if you write poetry or you write stories or you do writing then send it to me and maybe I'll use it in my videos Okay so this poem is by a girl I don't know her name but if you see this please let me know cuz I really love this poem deep inside a wounded heart lies a memory of a childhood start shaking pain that won't subside ghosts of memories that never died every day feels like a fight Darkness lurking in the light haunted by what was done haunted by what is gone Echoes of voices that once were near Whispers of sadness that refuse to clear every step feels like a struggle every day seems like a Juggle but hope shall not be dead healing is just ahead courage to move through the pain happy childhood memories to regain the past may have left its Mark but it won't Define A Life That's star a bright future that can still form a new chapter can be born