Transcript for:
تصميم نمط الحياة وتحقيق الرضا

Your relationships and your work. Yes. If you design your relationships and your work in alignment with your values and daily practices. I consider that you're definitely living a good life A life that's well designed. If you see anyone that complains about work, a relationship, or anything else. You'll find that he have conflicts with himself. Not everyone have the privilege to choose. Where to work, how to work, and who's my manager. If I find a job that's good, I'll endure my manager and the way of work. Hence, it's not a privilege to choose your work. This is Finjan from Thamanyah, and I'm Abdulrahman Abu Maleh. We all search for a happy and satisfactory life. The definition of satisfaction and happiness is loose and general. And varies from one person to another. So some people consider their relationship with their parents and his family is the most important. While some people fulfill themselves by work. And the differences list goes on. But how can we achieve this satisfaction? It seems difficult. But we can consider life as a journey. That we can design it to satisfy us. This episode is about lifestyle design. It helps us understand why and how to design our lifestyle. And my guest today defines design as. Creating and doing something with purpose. Do you know what you want to do years later? What's your major? Where you'll work at? Who you'll marry? Which house to buy? Or whether to buy a house or not? The decisions that design your life starts and never ends. Do you comply with the plans you choose and dream of in your life. The questions are so many. My guest can explain and simplify them and provide suitable solutions. My guest is Albaraa Alohali . Who is a scholar interested in the field of lifestyle design. He presents in this episode some tools that help us design our life in alignment with our values and desires in this life. Before we start. In this episode, we talked about lifestyle design. And how it helps improve ones life and its quality. If you want to live this life without diseases. Or how to make your life better when you get older. I recommend listening to Finjan's episode with doctor Adam Btainieh. We talked about aging and its diseases. And the idea of slowing aging and the protection from it. You can find it in the description box of this episode. Now let's start. I think most of people know you through Snapchat, right? Snapchat days. So it's one of the things that you've attached to. And left it. Snapchat is different. Not only attachment. I feel that it became part of my identity. Identifying me as the Snapchat of running in Japan. I didn't like this at all or I didn't want to be known for that. To be known for appearing in an app or a place. For Snapchat, it's not about that I got attached to it then left it. It's a tool that was nice and useful at one time. And still can be useful today in a certain context. My situation changed. And I became in a different situation where it's harmful than useful to me in some way. How's it harmful to you? In different aspects. The most important was concentration. It used to increase distraction. Especially at that time I had only university. And I had a lifestyle. Wake up in the morning, run, and cook. Alone, single, and had nothing to do. Not I had nothing to do. But there wasn't consequences of exposing my life, and privacy is another point. So I was taking it easy. And I had the effort and time to create content. I don't like the idea of creating content daily to be present. My priorities changed from one stage to another. Were you obliged to create content daily? Not obliged. No, but you feel the pressure to create content daily. Which was part of documenting your life. I was indulged in daily documentation. I remember saying at that time that I'm using it as a tool. For practicing the skill of storytelling. And it helped me in my MA research also. It was part of my research hypothesis. The program that I was studying at university was media design. And my research was specifically about how storytelling can help people acquire a new habit. And I was using the running habit and how it's hard to tell a story while running for example. Bicycling, on an adventure, or doing any sport. You have to focus, you either do the sport or film. So that was the kind of multitasking that I had. Sometimes I tell stories and film. And sometimes I take the time to stop and find a something to film and film from a side. So people were seeing somethin, whatever it is. Whether someone running, eating, dancing, or whatever he's doing. People also have something deep called "mimetic desires" Which's when you see someone doing something you have the desire to mimic him. And I remember from the conversations that I had with many people that I don't know. They'd say I'm excited to try running or try whatever your lifestyle. Or that they got excited to visit Japan, because at that time I was mostly filming during my study in Japan. All of this is proving that. I even personally see that. I see that I get affected a lot by what I see. Whether on social media, who I read about, see in movies, or any story that I hear. So it's realistic and was an effective tool at that time. But when did you realize that it's harming you? Is it related to the identity you've mentioned, or is it because it's a distraction for you? What's the point that made you stop immediately? Because it's not an easy decision. It's not that at one moment I had to stop immediately. Then made a report that I'm going to stop, it's not like that. It happened gradually. And this happened after I moved. I finished, graduated and a transitional stage started. And I remember I was still filming at that time, and doing something called vagabonding. So I usually had to have a project as an excuse to film daily stories. Until recently, I didn't stop completely. Maybe for Snapchat, which I have a problem with its design. But I'm less active on social media in general. Sometimes I may document some stories on Instagram. When I go on a trip, when I have a project, or something that can be a daily story. When I got back to my normal lifestyle and specifically when I got back to Saudi Arabia around 2017. I had a different lifestyle that requires higher privacy and more focus on some things. This thing have changed in me. One of the things that make me active when I was in Japan. Is that I was discovering something new everyday. That doesn't mean that I'm not discovering something new everyday here. The atmosphere is different, and also sensitivity to privacy is different. Here, everyday or two you're probably in the same city with other people. Maybe I have high sensitivity, but I don't want to tell where I'm now, what I'm doing, or whom I'm with. It's different. At that time you're single and now you've a family. It's something that have an impact. During the few last miinutes. You mentioned lifestyle maybe five times. You were counting. No, because this is the episode's topic. It's between lifestyle, life design, or lifestyle design. When did you become interested in lifestyle ? Originally, humans do not care about that. They may do things that create their lifestyle. But they don't care to how to design their lifestyle. Or that to have a lifestyle at first place. Although they must have a lifestyle. Maybe it's only work, hang out, and go home. This is a lifestyle. But when did become interested in it? Yes, maybe... Do you remember for how many years we know each other? 6 years? I wasn't talking about lifestyle in this way when we first met. I think from that time until now. In this period it started to be clear to me... I was seeing a problem that I have. That I was living a lifestyle or in a challenge with the way I was living my life. Both from a health perspective and how I'm spending my time. You can't separate lifestyle from talking about how you're spending your time. Maybe I'm using this word a lot. I use it in a way... because I absorbed the word. From reading about a lot. My interest in it. And trying to understand, breaking it up, and reconstructing it. There's something that a lot of us do unconsciously. Which is how you're planning your day. How you're planning your schedule. How you're planning your life. Planning and living life is based on your lifestyle or how you're living your life. As you said, going to work, going out, going to the gym, and hanging out. All of these are elements that shape your day. Which eventually make your lifestyle. I think the beginning started from the transitional stage. By 2017 a lot of things happened. So I finished studying. And a big space in your life appeared. You're in early 30s. What are you going to do ? What're you going to choose and where're you going to continue? To get marry or not. Work here or not, travel and pursue PhD, or stay. All these questions... Bring back the 2nd grade questions. What do you want to be when you grow up? I think this's a haunting question for many of us. The version of this question change. in different stages. So yes, it was a big problem for me. What made this problem worse. Was that I have a tendency towards perfection. Alhamdulilah, Allah blessed me with wise people around me. And I had opportunities. And that's a blessing and a curse at the same time. Because sometime when you've no choice, you don't get these questions. You have one way to pursue. But these options make you want to get the best option. And everyone have the right to choose the best for themselves. So I was wondering, isn't there a manual or something that make you take better decisions? Say that you want to design your life as 1,2,3. And I was imagining. Which's something that who sees it from the outside as excess. I imagined living for sometime here in Saudi Arabia and sometime there. Work in travel programs for a little bit. Then work in desing. And have a job and a business at the same time. So you're designing, have aspirations, and dreams of how you want to live your life. Then I discovered that this's a realistic thing. For anyone that want to plan his life. Or in our context, for who wants to design his lifestyle. There are tolls that you can use to Which help you achieve this. Not only dream, try and work on it. I was wishing to find this guide or manual. How to design or plan your life. But unfortunately, I didn't find it easily or in this way. So from that point I became interested. And you can say that it became the subject of research that I'm working on. Then after it many other things appeared. I remember that one of the most important things that evolved and changed. Is that I started to understand or tried to break up how we're spending our time.. So now when you talk about lifestyle. You can't talk about it without talking about how you're spending your time. You, Abdulrahman, since you woke up in the morning, what happened in each hour? And how you chose to spend your day in it? Did you spend it as it comes to you? Or you just woke up and react to what comes to you? Answer a phone call. Or do you have a specific routine and practices. And specific steps that you designed and comply with and follow. And put it in your program to achieve the life you want to live. It's very difficult . To know how you're going to spend your by the hour. But.. Yes. What? Yes, on this point. I want to talk about a very important thing. And I'm glad that you reminded me of it. And excuse me I'll interrupt you. So much of what'll say and may repeat it in a moment. Seems perfect from the outside. But when we come to reality, it's reality. The reality is reality. I'm the first one who needs to constantly seek. To try bring this perfect picture closer. I know for sure. This's very important. I know for sure that this's not going to happen everyday. Or won't happen even 100%. But at least it's something, a goal, that you seek. Like a vision. Anyone who set a vision, will include something to achieve. A good vision is the one that never gets achieved. But to be in a constant pursue to achieve it. So. But doesn't that make you disappointed? That you're planning or designing your day or schedule everyday in the perfect form that I want. To just not do it everyday. You'll say whatever. Nice. This happens. That happens to me a lot. In certain times, especially when my sleep and food gets messed up and have more work. Then you take a moment to have a meeting with your self. Stop and find the root of the problem. This is basically what is pursuit. Lifestyle design is a daily pursuit. That never ends. It's like doing the schedule and that's it. And it will do itself. Firstly, we're humans not machines. Secondly, the daily pursuit. Part of it is that the more you're away from the ideal version. Or the thing that you want... I'll avoid using ideal. I'll say the way of life that you want. The one that'll make you live in with the lifestyle that you want. So you look for the problem. And try to solve it. And there're ways of solving the problems. It's one of lifestyle design subjects. Which is how to handle with problems. The problems that're a burden to achieving this good version. Or the great life that you want to live. Excellent. Then let's get back to the root. The root is important, why? Why do I have to plan and design my life? Why do I have to do all of this? What is the goal that I will achieve by doing this? Before I list the benefits. I'll tell you the risks of not doing this. Stress. No. No Let's say that you won't design your life, as you like. Can you imagine what might happen? I can tell you. Do you want me to answer or you're going to answer? No, I want to know what's the first thing that comes to your mind. I'll design general things. I'll plan general things. I'll say that I'll study marketing or law. I want to be a lawyer. I'll get married. I'd like to have money. And that's it. Nice. This is what I can design and want, and I have nothing else. This is a type of designing. You designed what you think is ideal for your life. And you proceeded. And discovered that you don't want to study marketing. Why did I get into this? We come here to a very important topic An integral point in planning. Or as I like to call it "design". Which is designing something while you didn't know if you want it or not. So when talk about something like lifestyle design. I like to talk about it with people. Who grasp or understand this topic . Are those who work in the design field. "Design" is a word that we hear a lot, and the first thing that comes to our minds. Is Photoshop design, graphic design and like that. There's one thing that I learnt after the MA. And I remember when they first taught us. We were studying design in its theoretical meaning. And not graphic design or system design. From the modernity of building. To the elegance of the design. And the luxury of services and strategic location. Innovative and sustainable housing solutions with Safa Company for Investment. More details in the description box of the episode. Design. I like to define as creating with intention and purpose. To create something that you intended to do. I want to design this room in a way that who enters can't turn this way but walk this way. I'll design this house. I will design my life so no one talk to me in the morning. Because I'm working in a specific way and go this way and this way. I want to design my relationships. So it be in this way. Do you see how design is? It's saying that I'm choosing with intention and purpose. And the intention and purpose are based on things. Certain information. Something that I know about my self, and something that I know about the consequences of things. And decisions that may have an effect or not. Hence, I always like to use the word "design'. And you always want to design what's important to you. If you don't care about your life. Do not design it. Let it go naturally. But if you really care about it. You owe your self to at least pursue in an effort to design. And design more than just saying "I'll study." I'll get married and save money and get a loan to build a house. But set a more detailed design. Take the house as an example. And maybe you're new to housing. You won't take any house and that's it. If you really care about the place that you spend most of your day at with your family and people. When you design a house You'll choose with intention and purpose the materials you'll put on the walls. The doors. How the rooms cross. How the sun enters. On the other hand, other people don't care. There are people in our society. They only want a house that protect them from dust, wind, and rain,. Whatever is available. People are different. And I think personally and for the people who believe in this message. They're people who really care about their lives. And their aspirations and how is their time is spent in this life. So the y find it important to dedicate some time. and pursue designing at least. Because it's one of the things that you design for once. And needs maintenance from time to time. And so on. You just said that a person doesn't know what he wants. Because thoughts change. But also if I'm going to design things. If I'm going 10 years back or to 2nd grade. What do you want to be? a doctor. In elementary schools he wants to be an engineer. In high school he wants to be a content creator. It's changing constantly. Right. And when you get into university and get into your major. And suppose that I designed, chose, and put effort in it. And I really care about my life. Then I discover that in reality my design is wrong. I don't want marketing anymore. Or I don't want finance. I thought that I like finance, but I don't like it. So the things that made my mind changed. I may like travelling but now I don't like it. So my personality change. From time to time when my personality change. What's the point of designing if I'm going to redo it? I consider this a good thing. That there are things changing. And you're responding to these changes. And not stick in your place. Because you said in 2nd grade that you want to be a pilot, and you won't change that. It's important to know yourself and change the design accordingly. You had a specific taste. You experienced and learnt things in life. And you took the decision to change your lifestyle design and make it this way. You used to have unhealthy habits. And you knew that this won't be good for you in the long run. And you made your lifestyle healthy. I consider this very important. And normal to happen with age and time. For example, I'm not upset and wish that I knew lifestyle design when I was 15 years old. It is very difficult to design in an age. Getting experience, knowing your self, and know what's happening in your life. Although it's important to not overlook things when we're young. What we were doing, what we were raised to, and the values we were raised on. This point is an integral part in lifestyle design. Lifestyle design isn't something that can be copied from others. It's very important that it's built in alignment with. Your way of thinking. Your values and believes. And the practices that you do in your life. So I see a lot of people... Or I always say that the ideal lifestyle for Albaraa. Is different from the ideal lifestyle for Abdulrahman. Or for Ayman or any other person. It's not about... Getting back to the house example. There's no one perfect house for everyone. Everyone has different needs. It's right you can say there's a beautiful house. As my taste and I can enjoy it. But not the perfect one, there must be an issue in it. If you're going to design a house as you want. It'll depend on the values you were raised on probably. And there's a very important point. That it's adaptive with your changes. Because sometime after 5-10-20 years in the house. As what we just said. This house was as my way of thinking 20 years ago. Of course you'll have to change the design. You may move to another house. Expand the house, renovate it, or anything else. This is our life. Each day, year, and time. What's its impact on me? Am I going to be more... Is my effort on designing my lifestyle. affect on being a more better person? Or is it going to affect my mood or satisfaction. What's the impact that this effort on designing lifestyle will have? Well, I see that it's... I'm talking about lifestyle design. And when I talk about life, I think it covers all the aspects. Health. And I like to define it . In different ways. More than the common meaning. Which is psychological or physical health. I add mental, spiritual, and financial health. And professional and environmental health. All of these, if we want to define health. With it's real meaning. Which is to be straight. All of these go under health. And you can include it in designing a healthy lifestyle in all aspects. There's as you mentioned, work. Designing your professional lifestyle. I always like to call it designing work style. And notice that I'm using the word "style" a lot. Because event this word "style". As I like to call you the Arabic condition. I don't like this name, but. Because I like that you stress on everyone to be eloquent. Do not say a word that you don't mean. Or do not say a word because it's common. And really when you say a word try to know its origin. And why we're saying it. Is it eloquent or not. Is it used in its right context or not. So this word "style". We say it constantly. Who translates "style" from "lifestyle"? What's the origin of this word? This is a different topic that I might talk about in a minute. Style is something repetitive. Based on the dictionary. You'll find that they use style, or pattern, in sewing and knitting. In the field of design, or programmers, they use design pattern. Which is the frequent patterns that you use to solve frequent problems. So lifestyle is usually something frequent. A system that you set and repeat as a pattern. When I talk about work style. You're designing your frequent work style. Me personally, and from a personal experience, and I'm sure you also understand this thing. Your way of work, what your job, and to whom you work. Or to whom you provide the value you are making. Have a major impact on your life in general. Your health, the purpose of your existence, and your identity. There are two main parts. I remember Esther Perel, who's a well-knowperson that talks about relationships and like that. Said a sentence that hit me. She says that there are two things that affect your ego. Which are your relationships and your job. Yes. If your relationships and your job are designed. Very well and in alignment with your values and daily practices. You're for sure living a life that I consider a good life. A life that's well designed. Externally and internally. And vice versa. Look at anyone who's complaining about work, relationship, or anything else. You'll find that he has conflict with himself and his identity. How's he talking about himself or how's he feeling about himself and his orientation. You'll find that he is harsh on himself and etc. Ok. Don't you think that what you're saying is a privilege? Especially the job. Maybe all of the points. The first time you said work, this idea came to my mind. For work, not everyone have the privilege to choose. Where they work at, how they work, and who's there manager. If he finds a job that's great. He'll endure the way of work and his manager. So it's not a privilege to choose how to work. Right? Great question. I was thinking, and may mentioned that while we were talking. That I was blessed. The problem that brought this problem was that I had opportunities. Which made me puzzled and overthink. To go or not, choose this or that, and do this or that, On the other hand, who don't have choices might not think about "lifestyle design". And how to do that, and etc. If you don't have the basics. For sure, you don't have the capacity to think about perfect lifestyle design. You just want to survive from drowning. Survive to secure the basics. Which is normal and realistic. The more resources you have. Although I hesitate sometimes from using Maslow's pyramid. Because even Maslow was against the pyramid idea. But I think it's something popular and many people know it. The human needs. On top of it is self-actualization. And I connect lifestyle design as one way of achieving self-actualization. So if you secure the basics. It'll be easier for you and you'll have tools and more capacity to design your life the way you want. But it's very important to start with the basics. We see it daily, such as. Even thought it's a little bit different but there're similarities. For example, who goes to the gym or workout. Usually, who goes to the gym and workout, are people who have decent money. You won't find people with minimum wage. Or workers. They don't go to the gym. Someone may say that because their lifestyle includes a lot of movement they don't need to go to the gym. Yes, maybe. But in reality, going to the gym is really a luxury. And they may say it's not a luxury, my health is important. That's a different point. So lifestyle design is important. But can you do it while you barely secure the basics of your life? I think that's very difficult. So it's a challenge, and may appear to be "privileged problem". But I think that anyone who have the basics of life is privileged. Therefore, yes, it's important to pursue designing your lifestyle. To the extent you can do. Ok, I would like to start with the tools. You said that after you done research. You didn't find content to educate you. And you came up with the conclusion that there are tools for designing lifestyle. So what are the available tools? If I'm going to start. Now I'm convinced that it's important. But direct me. Well, as I said, it's a research. And it's still under study. And I remember when you first invited me for this episode. I was saying that we've already talked. But you said we'll talk about lifestyle design. Which is not only an interest for me. And not just a research topic, because it's still developing. I may talk about tools now, and tomorrow it became different tools for me. I'm trying to build and apply bit by bit. And that's the third point, which is applying it to my daily life. There are many different tools. And I discovered most of it either by trial. By collecting different parts and creating my own tool. Or derived it from different books and resources about lifestyle design. But not necessarily under this term. Some of them talk about time management. Some talk about how to plan your life. Some talk about how to plan your career path. Some about decision making. All of these are around the topic I'm interested in. Before talking about specific tools. There's a general picture, basic steps. For anyone who wants to design his lifestyle. The first thing is to know his current position. I call it "where are you now". If you're lost in the sesert. You can't draw a map or know what to do. Before knowing at which desert you're at. Am I in the Sahara desert or the Empty Quarter? Where exactly? So you have to know where you're. Your current position in your life. And that means you're evaluating yourself in different important aspects in your life. To simplify it, I like to summarize it in four aspects. Your health, and it's the main one. Are you satisfied with your health or not? In all its aspect that I just mentioned. Or even the main parts only. Psychological, mental, physical, and spiritual health. This is very important. Everyone must ask themselves if they're satisfied. Do you feel that you're... And I repeat again. Who are you comparing yourself with? Based on which scale are you measuring. There're people who are harsh on themselves. You'll find his life very good externally and people compliment him on that. You can see that in gatherings. There're some people who'd say you lost some weight, and he say no I didn't. While his body is excellent. But he's very harsh. He wants to lose this 1% of fat. On the other hand, there're people taking it easy. Let's get back to a very personal point. The question is "where are you now". And evaluate yourself. There's also health. And work. Where and how do you evaluate... Sorry, but in the "where are you" question, you're evaluating yourself on health and work? Work, which is how satisfied are you about your work? About your career path. About giving people, and the value you provide. Your major and what you work on. What you're excellent at and what's not. Things about career, work, and how you work. The third point is relationships. Your relationships, and that's a diverse topic. Your close relationships, like family, your wife, your friends and colleagues. Your relationships with distant people. Your relationships online and offline. How's your relationship with the society around you. I think that's very important. And it affects a lot on designing and knowing where are you now in your lifestyle design. Last but not least, playing. What's the amount of time you give for playing in your life? Many of us, and different stages of our lives. care for somethings and ignore other things. It's very difficult, if not impossible. To get full mark in all of them. It must be always that when do something other thing drops. You try to focus on work, and your health, entrainment, and relationships get low. You set with your family and chat. And work get neglected. You know. So this is always called. A term used in the design field called "wicked problem." Or the complicated or devil problems. .Wicked problems" is a term used for. The problems that when you fix something other thing is broken. Like that game with popping things and you try to hit them. So these problems. Exists in life and many contexts. And they talk about it in all countries. The health and education sectors are one of the most complicated sectors. Once you solve a problem another one appears. You fix the teacher and schools get messed up. The teacher and then the students. Parents. Curriculum. And I think the health sector have a long list too. So these are wicked problems. And how they solve these problems. Our lives and the context of lifestyle. Is one of the prominent examples of wicked problems. Or the complicated problems. Because as we said, when you fix something another thing is dropping. There's a game that I like to play called The Sims. There're characters with similarities. And who knows the game knows that when you progress in it. You add something and another thing decreases. In these problems. How you deal with it? As a designer, we like to solve problems. When you go to any designer, he wants to solve a problem for you. You have a problem that you want to live in a certain house. For the designer, he wants to deliver his message as a product or a poster. So I want to design my lifestyle. I want to solve this problem. Whenever I focused on work my health got worse. Whenever I went to the gym I'm wasting time. Or I'm doing something that distract me from work. How can I design or merge. Or make my program let these things in a satisfactory level. So they use here with complicated problems. One of the suitable methods. Which is design thinking. It became popular in the last 30 years. This type of thinking. Is said to be the best solution for this kind of problems. Because it's based on steps. Starting from compassion. Understanding the problem. Defining it. And then after defining the problem and putting it in a correct framework. Suggest solutions for it. And make a prototype and apply it. Then you redefine it and so on. This method or process. Let you have rapid maintenance of your lifestyle. And fix your program. Until you reach the perfect form that match the stage. Until something change and you redo it again and again. If we took another method. The geometric method for example. The geometric method is very tiring. The problem with many people is that they solve complicated problems. In one single way of thinking. They want to calculate things precisely. As the example that I mentioned, when I way young I thought that I'm going to study accounting. I liked numbers, mathematic and calculating things. So I thought that I'm going to study accounting. This is the way of solving problems as 1+1=2. And that's it, you don't change anything. You don't change or turn slightly from this idea. Until you reach there. When it's too late. On the other hand, who uses the design thinking. There's compassion and you're always trying to understand your self. What's happening and changing in my life. What's happening is "where I'm now". Which is what's happening in work, and health, relationships. Even in entertainment and playing time, which is very important in our lives. It's not limited to when we were young or when we have extra time. How can I redesign these things so they align together. So this is the first point "where am I now?". It's only assessment without solutions. Only know where I am. Yes. Solve what? Where is the problem? You must start with knowing where are you now. Your location in the map. Then the next step. They're three steps. The first step is "where am I now?" The second step is "where should I head to?" So now I knew that I'm in the Empty Quarter Desert. Where to head to? Do I head to north? Sorry, before the direction. I would like to know what are the questions. The tools that can help me know where I am. How can I know that I'm in the Empty Quarter or the Sahara? Are there certain questions to let me know if I'm satisfied and right. Where I'm, is this a problem, and how can I find it? I'd like to know if there's something that can help. Of course. Well, me personally. I use journaling. I have the black book for example. For the things... I call it the black book, because I don't know it's what it's called. Because I used to cover it with leather and take it with me everywhere.. It's a habit. And I think that it's one of the most helpful habits. In understanding my self and keeping this constant pursuit. And to not lose control. And get lost or don't know where I'm now. So let's say that it's the GPS that always help me. Tell me where I'm at now. I have a habit that I try to stick to always. Sometimes I stop, but get back. And I have two periods, in the morning and at night. Starting from the hour I wake up today. What did I do. I try to write how I'm feeling this morning. I write the most important events that happened today. The most important incidents. The most important decisions and why did take them. If there was something that annoyed me or that I liked it. I try to write, know, and evaluate indirectly these four points. Was there luck from multiple elements? Of course, the four elements that I've mentioned are general. Maybe later when there's time... There are private elements that I designed for my self. And a number of friends used these elements too. We may talk about it. But these are the things that I'm trying to evaluate myself at. It gives me an indication and doesn't take more than 10-15 minutes daily. But it gives me an indication of where I'm at now. And therefore; it's questions that help me ask myself about it. This is on the daily scale. You can talk about each one of the points I mentioned. I think if you search online or anything else. You'll find surveys. And even when I read certain books in this field. Whether it's about work or health. You unconsciously you read and learn and know new things. And evaluate yourself, if you're applying this point or not. So you're updating your standards. Your GPS is becoming more accurate. Excellent. So now "where I'm at?" And we more to "the direction." When you know where you want to head to. And to know that you need a compass. This compass is simply. Is an intersection of your values, which is who you are. With your view of life. With your view of something very big in your life. Which is your view of work. You can use your view of relationships, entertainment, or anything else. But I like to always merge my view of life. An integral element. With your view of something very big or that you use daily. I think these are the minimum elements that you can use for your compass. Make you take decisions. Therefore, it directs you. Look at any decision you want to take today. Why you chose to work eight hours instead of four hours? You'll find that you have a view of work that must align with your view of life. Which made you take this decision. Why do you workout in the morning? You'll find that your view of life and health made you take this decision. Why are you spending time with your parents daily or weekly? Because you've a view of life and relationships Which aligned with this decision and this compass, which made you choose to include this in your program. And it's not that you mimicked someone or followed someone's compass. And I think that this is one of the main and most important problems. That cause dissatisfaction to many people. That he's following someone else's compass. Or a compass that's not his. And to make things clear, when we talk about compass here. And I repeat the definition. It's your values, beliefs, and actions. All of these are reflected in how you use the compass. And you see someone doing something he's not satisfied with. Check his compass. His compass is directing north and he's directing west. Why? This is the way, from here. So it's realistic at that time, when you have a clear compass and compare it. And if you're going to ask how can you make your compass. I think these are the basics. That I think create your compass. Set with yourself and write your view of life. Some of us may know this exercise or sat with himself before. And notice that we repeat again. Knowing yourself and having compassion towards yourself. Which is used even in the design thinking. It's an integral part of lifestyle design. Which is always... ]and also in your own selves. *19 Do you not see?[ This summarized a lot of important things. That it's important to know yourself. What's your view of life? Your beliefs. What you were raised on and believe in. All of these are very important. And there are different questions. Which help write and express these things. For example, in your philosophy of life, what's a happy life? What's the life you live with satisfaction and purpose for you? You'll notice that you're writing things. Even later. I remember when I first did this exercise in around 2018. The first time to set with myself and write. I noticed that these thoughts that I'm writing. When did it start, what's its root, and why? And I started to notice after that When I read the autobiography of people I respect. Or the autobiography of great figures. Or people. Everyone is writing their view of life in their autobiography. And their view of many things. When you grasp these things. You have a different expression. About how to express your view of life, work, relationships, health, and etc. But how can I know my self? You made it as if it's easy. Really, I can't know myself. I think this is one of the other problems. Which easy to speak about, but difficult to apply. I think one of the main problems of not knowing ourselves. And we'll not reach complete knowledge. And I think that one of the philosophers, I don't remember his name. Summarizes philosophy... He summarizes philosophy as a whole. As translated. "know thyself". That knowing yourself is the most difficult to achieve. But pursuing it has many benefits for the person. Because t's difficult, it's not available for everyone. One of the easiest things to do is to run away from knowing yourself. Which we do most of our day. Why you find difficulty in setting alone with yourself your thoughts? Because it's part of trying to know yourself and what you're doing. What stratifies you and etc. One of the easiest things is to watch something, take your phone and scroll. Runaway through work or other things. Because facing your self and trying to know it isn't easy. Completely not easy and difficult for everyone. Especially when you're not used to, not keen to, or not unaware of the importance of trying. To stop and asking what's happening here. Try to do this constantly. What I try to do get back to , is journaling. A time-out for what I call isolation session with myself. I summarize it like this. Is try to do the minimum of this thing. Try to set with myself today and see what happened. There're days that even this 15 minutes pass. And I feel that. When I skip for two or three days. Like who is used to go to the gym and he skipped for two or three days. There's a difficult and heavy feeling. He'll feel that he ruined his body, although he is healthy and athletic. This is a feeling knows it who is used to something and stop it. Because he's keeping this thing healthy. Are there tools that help me know myself? I might not reach it. But at least there are a number of tools. Some of which I can reach and some not. Journaling as an example. What else? Of course, I think the friends around you. And close wise people. From your family, colleagues, and who you have trust in their opinion. I think that it's one of the most important tools. To ask them? To ask them and set with them. Not only ask them. You agree to exchange feedback. Things that help to know yourself is by others. At the end people are your mirror. Especially honest people. Or you're sure will say the truth, and not going to give aa wrong opinion. So other than writing and asking. i think that the most handy tools. You may seek the help of specialized people in the field. I think many... And me personally I benefited a lot when I first tried. They call it life coach. They are trained and prepared people. To make know yourself by questions. And reach certain depths. That you may not achieve if you sat with yourself alone. And tried to know yourself by yourself. So this is one of things that help. If you got lucky with an experienced and knowledgeable person in this field. Also reading. Reading is also one of the tools that can help. You mentioned isolation many times. Can you give more information about it? Do you mean that in one day I set for 5 minutes? Retreat for a longer period. For weeks. Or like many well-known people. Who retreated people for years even. What's exactly is retreat? How is it supposed to be? or what's its perfect form? If it's a tool also. I don't call retreat a tool only. I like to call it an element from many elements. If I try to give only a simple context about it. Because what applies for retreat is applicable on the other elements that I'm going to talk about. What do the elements form? I'll compare it with the nutrients that we need everyday. You need a certain amount of sodium, glycose, carbohydrate, fats, and others daily. I'm not a nutritionist. But at least the main point is that. That everyone needs certain amounts of these elements. Of course, your need for glucose is different from your need for fats. If you were in a hot location than if you in a cold location. If you're a child than if you're an adult. A pregnant women than a man in certain age. So our needs are different. So the elements that I'm going to talk about. I call it elements of spending time. Is different for each of us. My need for isolation is different from your need for isolation. And my need for other elements. I list it quickly. One of the elements, which is isolation. It's spending time with yourself and what you want. There's another element called work. It's spending time in work and meeting a need. And that's a separate topic. Why I named it this way. There's one of the elements that I like to call "going out". Going out, which is going out in the nature. Spending time in nature and fresh air. When I go out for a walk, to run, for a picnic, or camping. I call all of these the element of "spending time out". If I stayed for sometime with going out. I feel somethin is off. It's like having severe shortage of sodium. And I go to take some. So I have to go on a trip go on.. Even if the minimum... I was saying that the minimum of isolation is 15 minutes daily. The minimum of going out is 10 minutes walk outside. In Albaraa's lifestyle. Among the nutrients of life elements that I need. The element of "going out". There's one of the elements that we call the "development" element. Which is the desire to develop yourself in something everyday. And it's different, as some people say get into a development camp. And some people say they have 20 minutes everyday. Open Dolingu and learn two new words in a language and that's it. Or listen to a podcast for 15 minutes and consider that I developed myself in something. Finjan for example. So this is one of the elements also. A 6th element. I didn't count them so I don't know. They are around 8. And you can design more than these elements. The things that you care about and think that your lifestyle need. So there's the service element. Which is spending time in service, and it's different from work. How much time did I spend helping someone in something? Or volunteer and etc. It has different benefits. Not only rewards. But also the psychological and social aspects. There's one of the elements that I forgot, which is "playing". It's very important, spending time playing. And I make sure to dedicate some time or do things. Even if I merge more than one thing. Including playing. Because it reliefs you. You entertained yourself for a bit. It's very difficult to keep your life pace healthy or good. There's an element that I like to call the" tree" element. Which is spending time with family, friends, and close people. Which is the social element is very important. And I repeat my self. Everyone is different. There're social people that consider the tree element... If he don't set one hour daily, he'll feel severe shortage. While other people when they set for 30 minutes with someone else, they'll feel it's enough for three days. No excess and no negligence in any of these elements. No excess in isolation and no negligence in isolation. No excess in work and no negligence in work. No excess in playing and no negligence in playing. And so on. I think all of these... There's one last element that I forgot, which is maintainance. Which is spending time in maintaining yourself and your environment. I always have two times for maintenance. Waking up in the morning, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, make wodu, and tidy the place. I consider all of these important. Part of spending my time in maintenance. And each of can, if he have something specific he cares about. Create his own element. For example, spending time in.. For example I care about reading. I don't have a reading element. I have a development element. But I dedicated it for different things. Developing a skill. I care about reading, so I'm going to add a reading element. I have to have the reading element everyday. And no excessive and no negligence. And I design it in a certain way. Therefore, when someone wants to make a dish. Which I call designing your day. You choose the dishes and its nutrients based on your needs. So when I'm going to design this week, month, or a trip. I design it based on my need in this period. I didn't go out for a long time. One week in the year is for isolation. It's not necessarily that you don't meet anyone. But it has intensive isolation. We call it isolation camp. You take one of the elements and intensify it. And to not talk about it a lot and forget out point. I think I answered it indirectly. About Isolation. And to not get out of or second point, which is the compass. All of these are externally... Getting back to something we've mentioned before, and it's important to repeat it. I always say it's overwhelming. Too much. It's like measuring your day and life by the ruler. And I say that theoretically it's correct. But actually no. Because all of these. And personally, I like organized people and organization. I try to organize. Because if I didn't try and pursue that. Things get messy. Nevertheless, when I let things for a little bit, everything gets messy. And you get back to the beginning. After I practiced more than once, things started to. Me and people around me. Friends and people. which I'm not alone in. A collaborative design between me and a number of friends around me. And apply it together, compare it together, and help each other in designing our lifestyle. So it's something that's made once. And try to change the amounts each time. And it becomes a framework for you. A framework that you design you create or design your days and life as suitable for you. Now I'll close the elements. And I'll close the brackets each time to get back to the previous. You chose eight elements. Thamanyah. For example, I know that reading is important to you. And I suppose that you read daily or almost daily. But why didn't you include it in the elements? Well. Because I want to understand how you came up with these 8 elements. When do you add and remove an element? The elements... Even it's story. It went through multiple stages of development. The first time I came up with the idea of element. I was saying. In it's beginning, in 2016. I was chatting with a friend of mine, you may know him Dahoom. I was saying imagine the perfect life for me. I wasn't even using "lifestyle". I was saying that the perfect life for me is. I want to live... It was in the transitional stage. Between deciding am I going back to Saudi Arabia after graduation or not. Or am I going to work in Japan, continue my study, and etc. So I was imagining. My perfect life is to spend one month in an adventure. Go on an adventure for one month, which I call it now "going out". After this month. I want to work for two months. When I get back from the trip. And start work and recap after the trip. After these two months. At that time we had something, which I call it now "the tree" and spending time with people. I call it going out to the public and the audience. You finished working. You wrote the trip instructions, made a film, or whatever. Go out, meet people, attend meetings and social events. For two months for example. After that I have one month of isolation. I retreat in a cottage or something and read. Plan and organize for the next adventure. Then go out for two months... Of course this is unrealistic perfection. Maybe it's applicable in some way. But this is the idea; there was four main elements in my life. Going out, working, audience (as we used to call it), and lastly isolation. So it was a joyful idea. Or how we imagined it. Of course you discver the limitations of these things; what about the rest of your life? The other things like health. And the small details. So it started to develop and grow new parts. And it became clearer that they're only elements. Do not standardize it like this. They're elements. And maybe in the single session. I'll just give an example. Our interview now. I can analyze it and find more than one element. It's not one element. I consider it a tree, because I'm talking with a friend. And a development, because I'm developing something. It has the element of service and sharing. I'm sharing information. It may slightly include the element of work. There's no isolation, because I'm not in isolation now. Do you understand how? I understood. All of these elements are here. And the elements develop by time and you see what's suitable for you. You can innovate. I remember some of the people that I tried this with. It was very nice. Part of it... Back to design. We designed a logo for each element. And draw a certain design for it. I remember at one time I was doing experiments. And I was sharing it with people as workshops. And I was happy when I set in these workshops. Because some people come up with their own elements while we're sitting. And draw its logos. And write its definitions and start applying it in their daily life. And awesome things, each one learn the other's elements. Or get inspired by others elements. As suitable to your lifestyle and your thinking. And these elements shape your day? It's what you use to get today's groceries. What are you going to do today. Now we get back to the compass. Or the direction. Get back to the three steps The second step is the direction. Which is creating your compass. I think what lead us here is your question about how can someone create his compass and know himself. I think that isolation moments that you spend with yourself. Help you a lot in shaping these things. Even writing a a first edition. It'll develop with time. There's no a perfect edition, and there'll never be any. Until today, I get back to what I wrote about my self from time to time. And see if it's still consistent. My view of life, and my other views of work, relationships, playing and etc. Are consistent and represent me or not? Am I doing something perfect, or something that doesn't represent me. And is it consistent with my environment, which is very important. We forget it a lot. When you design your lifestyle or compass. Be aware of its consistency with not only what you believe in and do. But also your environment. Whether it's society. Also the environment and the weather, and how you're consistent with it. We may talk about it later. Excellent. Now the third one? Which is? Which is when you know where you are and have your compass. You can draw your map to arrive. Now we know that we're in the Empty Quarter desert. We have the compass. And I want to go to Riyadh. On North you'll fin a city called Riyadh. You start drawing the map to get to Riyadh. Are you going to take the hard way. Or the easy way, or a mixed way. Here we come to the points that we've mentioned. Which is how to plan your day. To achieve what you want. Here we've a question. Do I have to know that I'm going to Riyadh? Because it's very difficult to know. I think this's one of the things that stops a lot of us. To feel stuck. Or can't move. Because he really doesn't know what to be when he grows up. He really doesn't know the job he wants. Or the place he wants to be at. Or the person to get married to. And so on. That's normal and I don't think it's necessary to know the last point exactly. What's more important. Is two know these two points. Where are you at. Your values, which is your compass. And how do you want to live during this journey. Day after day. Here we come to what I call "drawing the map". Designing or setting the map. There's an exercise. This's a very awesome exercise. I think it's one of the tools. There're many tools. For each one of the three that I've mentioned have many tools, but we're taking one or two tools as an example. So there's a tool in map drawing. That I learned or heard in a podcast. In a podcast for I think Tim Ferris interviewing Dippy Milman. Dippy Milman is a popular designer and have one of the longest and oldest podcast. She works on named "Design Matters". And she talks about design in general. All of her guests are from the field of design. Identities, marketing and othrs. So in an interview with Tim Ferris. And he's another person that talks a lot about lifestyle design. And he maybe one of the people that made this topic popular. In a certain context, specifically work. She talked about an exercise that she learnt when she was studying. From a senior teacher called Mrtin Blasir. She says that this exercise was magical to her life. She did it in 2007. And this interview was in 2017. So after ten years. From this experiment. She said that this exercise was like magic. Because he asked them at that time. To write in one paragraph. How do you imagine your life ten years later? So now if I'm going to ask you Abdulrahman. Today is 2033. Ok. Write a paragraph describing your life once you wake up. Write everything. What's the first thing you see when you wake up? Who's next to you? You opened the curtains. Watered the plants. woke up my children to get ready for school. Brushed my teeth and finished this. Finished working out got ready. Went out and returned. Did this and got back home. You draw a picture. And imagine your lifestyle. You can say. Not perfect. But you can say that this is one of the ways I want my life to be like. To live in this version. It's a version of life. Because there's no one perfect version at the end. There're multiple versions of each person's life. He may imagine and be good. I'll stop here for a bit. I remember a very important example about the multiple versions that may be good for you life. If we said that we're going to have lunch now. Is there only one perfect restaurant for lunch? No. If we collected our values. What we like, what we care about, and what we don't like. We'll come up with ten restaurants. From the thousands of restaurants in Riyadh. That we can choose from. If we went to any of them. We won't have a problem with it. We'll be happy. The same goes for our life We don't have one life, and no other choices. We have different versions of our life. There's a version where Albaraa is a teacher or doctor in university. There's a version of Albaraa's life as an engineer. There's a version of Albaraa's life as a designer. There's a version of Albaraa's life as a traveler and backpacker. I don't mind to be in any of these versions. Because it's satisfactory for me. But it's very important to say for example, in all the versions it's important to have my family. Have three children. Living in that place. And doing these practices and habits for example. What's good about this exercise is that. Gives you in a simple way. And inexpensive. The versions of your life that you don't mind living. If you really planned for it and pursued it. So the exercise continues. Write in it many details. The motivations or key words that motivate you while writing this exercise. Help you get unstuck. I stopped, I don't know what to write next. One of the main problems that face you, and faced me, when doing the exercise. I get stuck in Albaraa's version that wants everythingperfect. No, seriously. When I woke up did open the curtains or opened it by a click. I want everything precisely. We would say don't be do tight. Is curtains your problem in life? No. Am I living in Riyadh, Jeddah, London, or where exactly? So here it helps you imagine a version of your life. Version of your life that you don't mind working certain jobs in it. And so on. The shape of family, relationships, your impact and many things. And the first version create other versions for you. What's magical about this exercise, is that you're writing today something for ten yeas later. Ten years is far. If you leave everything and decide to start from zero. And decide to study medicine, you may become a doctor after 10 years. And if you decide to leave everything... So it's far away, but at the same close. It has this magis. if you think where were you in 2013. This is ten years ago. You feel like it's yesterday. Nevertheless, one of the most important things that help you in this exercise. We will link it to the compass. Sorry not the compass, the map. It'll generate many ideas. From seeing nothing. To seeing many opportunities, methods, and solutions. Which make it easier for you to choose the path. Like how we used to have 4-5 thousands restaurants. To 10 thousand restaurant. Sorry, ten restaurants. Comparing ten restaurants to the ten thousand. Is easier than getting overwhelmed in that number. So that's what it helps you in. You can see the opportunities if you do reverse engineering. A review from the beginning to today. How to achieve this kind of life? Start planning your life. When I'm 46 years old, make me take care of my health now. I have to do certain things, do this and that, and ec. So the small habits start appearing, which you want to add today in your life. So you can draw this map. How you spend your time when achieve this. Then, there're other tools and exercises on how to draw your ma. And which's consistent with your compass. And know everyday where are you now and if you're getting close or not. To this life form or version of life you imagined. I remember.. I tried to get it quickly. But I remember... You disturb me for looking at the preparation card always. I can't look at the preparation card easily. Because I feel that when I look at the question. You think that I got bored with your answer. And start to brief. Yes, right. I ensure summarizing that don't affect the idea. So if you think there's a point that needs elaboration please tell me. No at all, I'll get back to you. This stress happens usually. So usually it's hard to get back to something you mentioned. When you said it you reminded me of something, I don't know if it's a podcast or something else. It helps in drawing the map. I would like to know your opinion about it. You said that 10 years is far. What if... I think the idea is like this, but I can't find it quickly. What if you're going to die two years later? You have only two years left in your life. What are you going to do, because two years is very close, you can know what's going to happen. So now you know your priorities immediately. You can know, because you only have two years to dies. So what are you going to do? Are you going to still do this ? Are you going to focus on your work and leave your family? Is your family going to be your top priority? Is.. everything. It will let you know your priorities better. Right. Again. I'm talking about tools here. And ten years is a number. Is it going to change if I made it 5 or 8 years? And planning methods. Especially the map. It's the most step that has multiple exercises. That many people already plan. Many of us do lifestyle design. But doesn't call it lifestyle design. We call it planning or scheduling. It's not incorrect. It's just terms. It's very important when something is given a name. It helps you understand it, think about it, and break it up better. And help you give it different importance. The map and drawing it. And whether make a map for two years or ten. Or for five years or for five years with multiple maps. Or for one day or one year. Different tools, and each of them has its importance. All of it has its own cons and pros. I remember an old conversation for us. Do you rememebr. And it's one of the ideas or vision of life. Which made me take big decisions in my life. To resign from a job, travel to Japan suddenly, and change things. It was the mayfly idea. And it's still present in some contexts. When you think about it, our life is really limited. And the limitation of time; being not sure to to live for two year or one, and not sure of what's coming. If you have one month suddenly, like what we do with deadlines. When you have a deadline, suddenly you have superpower. So imagine that you have this superpower everyday. My life is limited, and I want to live each day in a satisfactory way. That I lived with purpose. And it's important here to make sure. During all of this and I'm the first person to say this to. That we become more gentle with ourselves. There are times that I become very harsh. I didn't used today 100%. And I became harsh, because I did 80%. It's important to be compassionate with yourself. And know when to get strict and linnet. So this is basically the idea of two or one year. All of it are beneficial. And help you get back to the big picture. And this is in the context of map drawing. Always in lifestyle design. To be aware at which height we're flying. There's the daily height. In the daily height, sometimes I have only 5 minute of planning. Sometimes less. Just to know what are the most important things today and its time. Because I have already prepared a system for doing this. And how to plan. There's annual planning. That takes one or two days at the end of the year. You have 10 years plan. Five years plan. It's different stops. But make sure you're aware at which height you're flying. And it's wrong to use the tools of ten years height with the five years height. YYour vision will be different. So the one day height is like being in a car; you can see the short range. And the more you get higher the more you get away from small things. And only see big things. This gives you... But... But this gives you the tools. And the exercises I want to put them, please Ayman. We'll try to put a lot of links. Send me exercises you didn't mention. I have exercises. Let's put it in the episode. At least the exercises that are easy to do independently without explanation. I'll do. And I'm sure it's a lot. I'm sure that when you talk about design it's a lot. Never ends. And if you search you'll find many things. Some of the things I searched for it and collected it. And I'm still searching, it's very deer to me. It's a subject of interest and research. And what makes me interested in it is not just because I'm solving a personal problem. Or solve the problem of people around me and see its importance. Getting back to the question " what do you want to be when your grow up?" Is there a guide or manual that help me design my life? Also, because there's another side of me. This is a very personal side. My love for designing and organizing. My love for organization; I love to organize thoughts of any kind. I love to write catalogues. A manual for using something. It's very personal and I always feel joy in doing it. A kind of work is. When you take something complicated, difficult. You break it into small pieces and write guidelines for rebuilding it. So it can be fully used. And lately, I became interested in getting manuals. And see how they wrote it, did they write it well or not? Did they use a certain method or not. So this is another topic of interest. And the two merged into one interesting topic. Excellent. So now there are two point, one is personal and one not. The personal, which is for a single person. Is it possible when I'm late in starting designing. I'm 46 years old and took most of my decisions. Is it going to be beneficial to do today? Absolutely. I think that design is very important in all ages. And in every stage. And only end wit the end of life. Who stops and says I don't want to design is like... Our example, whatever comes comes. But it's important in every age and time. I remember part of our trips in searching. One time and specifically in 2018 nd 2019. I was giving so much time, and also my friend Abdulrahman. The project we were searching about, Rakodan. We were searching for different lifestyles for different people. Part of it was story telling. We bring a camera, prepare questions, and document. We go and see how they are living and what made them change their lifestyle. What made them design their lifestyle in this way? Most of the people we met were above 40-50 years old. And some of them started their life after they retired. They started a new lifestyle design after retirement. He decided to move and get a farm, cottage ,or a house. I was chatting with Dahoom. If I took a farm in Unaizah and stayed in it, is it this an example? Retired and designed a new lifestyle. Or no I have to be... So it's different. So age is completely not an excuse to say it's too late. Each stage has its own context and requirements. Therefore, the importance of designing your lifestyle increases. When you get older, and not only when you're young. What is good about designing it in a young age, is discovering this view. Helps you let's say fully use the rest of your life more than who discovered it late. But it's effective and beneficial at all times. Well, absolutely. I remember Adam Bataineh said. When you workout and interested in longevity. So whatever you do in your twenties or teens. Is very important and will have an effect on your quality of life or health when you're 60-70. Right. So the sooner you know what you want to do the better. The other external thing that I told you. Which is the family, friends, and these circles. You went through it briefly. But I would like to know how can someone deal with it. So lifestyle design or designing your day. If you want it to be as the perfect way you want. There will be people who are not going to be in alignment with this schedule. So how you handle it? is it better or important that friends and close circles to be in alignment with your lifestyle or not? We come here to. And why I'm referring back to the word "design". We go around and get back to design. Design is important, because you're solving a problem. You want to spend time with them and they want that too. But you have priorities. You look at your compass and discover that you should go there and not west. Your order of priorities and the most important of them. You can create something, it's not black and white. You can create it in a way that design your time. You can say I have the weekend or the time between sunset and Isha for who wants to meet me. I have one month in the year... Back to my extreme example. That you have two months for people and get back. So each one has his own way of designing this thing in consistency with himself. There're people who care a lot about high consistency. That he sacrifice things he wants. While other person find his health, work, or family are prioritized over relationships. And so on. It's different, but it's about how you design it with intention and purpose. And that takes me back to something very important. And I may said it before. And because it's important I want to repeat it. What's a well design life? When you see anyone that his life is well designed. And even his work is well designed. His relationships are well designed. He is the person that his beliefs and values are in alignment with, which is the compass is our case. With what he's doing. You'll find that anyone who compliment a lot that his life is not well designed. Anyone who is doing something or has faith, but can't do it. You'll find him upset and complaining, because he can't do the thing he believes he must do. What are the solutions? The solution is to change your beliefs or actions. And each of them need work and very easy. But this summarizes all what I said. In lifestyle design and how to make it consistent together. When I say this definition and remind my self of it always. Does my actions, behavior, what comes from me, and what I apply. In alignment and consistent with what I believe in? And of course the third level is if it's consistent with my environment. This is it generally. In lifestyle, someone can agree with you on all what you've said. But it kills the joy of life and its spontaneity. It kills this form of spontaneity in life. Again, this is a very excellent, great, and to the point. For me, it's very clear that I'm biased to design and the research topic. And I know people that are similar to this. And we can talk about until tomorrow. And they usually share their love of organizing. As they say we "geek out" to design, organize, and setting things. Then we come to what you've mentioned. That you killed the joy of life. Or trying to control time. This not realistic. And not right. And I completely agree with that. This is a recent discovery, maybe one year ago or more . I remember the moment I started to change even my language and my way of talking about time. I was saying why do I want to design my lifestyle? to control my time. I was saying this. Until I realized that I can't control my time. No one knows what's going to happen in the future. That's the first thing. Secondly, anything that you try to control or choke. Wanting to get things precisely and as you want. Micromanagement on everything. You'll get tired and tire who around you. And you'll kill the joy in your life. The same thing used to happen to me when planning for a trip. I remember that part of my love for traveling. I was planning everyday and by the hour what'll happen. Then you come to the reality and you become under stress. Let's not get late, let's get out quickly, and etc. Especially when you're with someone, you'll be more tired. You get tired alone and what about having someone. But then you discover that there's a nice balance. Which is setting the general framework. And put the guidelines. This is the perfect form for me. But there's flexibility. It's ok to not do something, and this is what I do in my day. When I plan my day. I have something like a schedule And divide it by hours. And distribute them. I know people who plan by the minute. And I see it too much. But it's ok to be messy in a balanced way. And again back to a personal point. Some people don't mind by minute planning. He sees it as discipline, commitment, and a good thing. Good for him. Excellent, if he can follow it without killing the joy. And there're people who can't handle by hour planning. They want to know their tasks for the day and that's it. Don't give him too much. And this is a style and a way also. If this is going to organize you and really going to help you not choke your time. But you have some control over you're time, and you're not wasting your time. This the control that I want to really talk about. But the person who wants a task in a day. Is probably won't be able to do it. So what I was doing. There's an app called "Things". I love it. I bought it on my iPhone and Mac, and it's expensive. But I don't use it a lot anymore, because I changed my way of using it to something else. What I was doing is that. Pu a task for today. To do it. And I discover that there's no one task in a day. So I'll write "interview with Albaraa". And I'll write "review the discussion before the episode." I have two interviews today. So I'll write a second interview. Write these things, while I already wrote that I'm going to do something. It's obvious that it was Thursday, which is usually a light day. So I know that it's always a light day. So I scheduled to write this article on Thursday. Then I'll meet... Then I discover that it's impossible for me to do these tasks. I just postpone it to the next day, and the next, and the next. The next day that already have other tasks. So it's easy to imagine. time for doing tasks. While it's impossible. So the is a problem. We want to solve this problem. What is this problem? Failure to estimate? Failure... Imagining that you can do all of that in one day. While the nature of the day is impossible. So we can say the lac of accuracy in estimating the size of the task and how much it will take. So that's for me a signal that I learnt today. And I want to be careful or more accurate in estimating this task. Does it take too long or not. And if one day is enough to get it done. There's a habit that I'm doing recently. I was similarly falling into something like this. But I started to use a method that made it easier for me. And make me more gentle on my self when I don't succeed in doing the ten or six tasks. So I started to put daily in a box. I used to use Things. But everything became manual by writing. I just write in a box the most important thing today. I daily write in the black book in a page with a box titled "the most important thing today". If I do today this task only, it'll be enough. Today the most important thing is Finjan. I have Finjan and have to go to Dammam. So I try to put these things. And at the end of the day I read it and put a check next to what I did. Sometimes it happens that the things under the box. For example, I wrote Finjan as the most important task that I want to focus on. Under it there are a number of tasks, one of them taking go on a road trip to Dammam. If something happened and I couldn't go to Dammam. I write tomorrow I'll go to Dammam. But it's clear to me that if I don't do the top one that means I failed. But the other tasks I have tolerance with postponing it to tomorrow. If I'm tolerant and I have to go to Finjan and Dammam today. Here I try to be more precise and ask my self if this is manageble. But I think that this sometimes comes as how to estimate things. There's, as we're talking about organization. There's an old person who talks about these topics He is David Alan He was one of the first people to promote the idea of personal organization, productivit, and others. He have a method. That he talked about, because these are many tasks. And it has a system and a design. He always talk about how you list all the tasks at the beginning. It's a long method, I'll summarize it. You take the inbox. Gather any task in your head and that you want to do in one place. So you don't have tasks in your daily agenda. All of them are in a separate place. And you gather anything you want to do. Interview, trip, travel, and so on. Gather them in one place. Then there's one part of the process called "processing", where you analyze what's going to happen today. And see which one of them I can do today. And see which one can wait to tomorrow. So instead of taking them with you everyday. And postponing it daily. Leave it outside your program. And you just choose. Today I feel that this one is suitable and that one will work too. And when you're done with all of your tasks. And feel that you've time. Get back to the box, and choose from it. That's better than feeling that there's no enough time or that you overloaded yourself. It's the idea that you start to add it to the calendar and dedicate certain hours for it and then discover that there's no enough time for it. That brings us to the same point. That you dedicate two hours for it, but you couldn't make it. Because your day was full. But there's something that I don't want to skip. Why are you writing by hand, while you can do that electronically? You mean journaling? You just mentioned that you're writing in the black notebook? I don't use apps for the tasks. Part of it... I used to use apps like Day One. And I still have it, but I use it for certain events. For certain trips and other things that I can't write everyday. I use the app for it. But writing for me is... It lets me know the thing I was thinking about. Many people get surprised and say that there's technology. Which makes it easy for you to store, search, and retrieve, if you want to refer to a certain word. But I discovered that I don't need that, because I don't get back to what I write usually. For me, this feature that apps advertise, like synchronization for example, opening your files on your phone or laptop, etc. Such features never attracted me to leave writing by hand and use my phone instead. Because writing for me has this personal attachment, which is time that I spend away from all devices and screens. Such special rituals are important and enriching to me. Being slow when writing is something I care for too; writing slowly trying to search for words. There is nothing like select all, delete, and rewrite again. No! You have it your own way. I considerate it an artistic project for me. I see its importance during the time of writing. Meaning when I write daily in the morning or the evening, it is not to go back to it a month later, but to benefit from it now and reflect on my day and what I have learned. And if there was something important, sometimes during writing I feel like I want to check this point again because there is an important lesson. But other writings are not important, I write them just to express the events of my day As for the writings that I want to go back to, I used to put some symbols so when I browse my writings, I recognize them as important points I need to focus on. I also have a monthly journal, which is the only one I check regularly I use it to summarize the important notes This method suits me now Am I going to change it later? Maybe But it is the current phase. I find daily journaling, documenting, and organizing a healing method When I compare it to apps. However, I use apps for other different purposes and I like technology Great For me I like hand writing but I couldn't find a reason that make me choose traditional writing over technology. So I write just because I want it I want to train my hand and I do not want to leave it completely. I discovered lately that I like writing Now I want to discuss subject related to Lifestyle Design But the subject itself is significantly important and I wish if I can dedicate long hours for it. Which is Decision Making You know I struggle with this ..Decisions, decisions, It is annoying I know and I did my research and I understand that all decisions types are annoying and they require the same efforts No matter how big or small the decision is That's why Mark Zuckerberg and Steve, the people who wear the same clothes It is not because they want to be cool but they avoid such decision. I don't do it For example, the worst thing is to decide where to eat I hate this decision or where to meet someone I want to meet people But I don't them to ask me where Please don't ask me where I will choose the time and you choose the place and when they choose the place I got annoyed if I don't like the place So I tell him choose the place He suggest a place Then I say no. ,I didn't reach the perfect way but I wanted to know my favorite restaurant, So whenever someone says let's eat, I suggest my favorite restaurant. So we go to the same place again? fine Or my favorite cafe Or any place I like to visit. Because that makes it easy for me. I think all people go through such a process Some people say that the number of conscious and unconscious decisions which people made daily might reach 30,000 decision. So I would like you to help me and discuss this subject with you umm I don't know how are you going to start Decision Making is an interesting topic, and it is a crucial part of lifestyle design because lifestyle design is all about decision making. If you looked deeply, you will realize that you make big decisions such as where to work, where to eat, whom to marry, what to do and where to live Decision Making skills is key in all such choices. Personally, as you vented to me and I already vented to you and I will vent to you again Decision Making was tiring for me and it was the inspiration for my interest in lifestyle design because I wasn't able to choose between two different paths, to stay or to leave. About two years ago, I reached the highest level of annoyance during COVID-19 crisis. And the same story again, you don't have a manual or guide. I discovered some resources, and I am going to share what I know about them. However, I also discovered great things and I felt bad at the same time, because all people need to develop this skill: Decision Making. For me, I compare it to the financial literacy. Financial literacy is significant to learn how to manage your money, savings, investments. And how to plan the financial aspects. However, there is no curriculum that teaches us decision making skills, or literacy sills. These are skills you learn from your surroundings. For example, your family, the people around you, your experience in life, or your hardest moments. So for those who want to learn financial literacy skills, but they did not have a supportive environment, they will have to go and learn and read about such a skill. However, it is a skill that can be improved, and people can learn how to reach financial freedom and plan effectively. The same applies for the decision making skills, and I believe they are more important, because such skills can help you to reach financial freedom, and make effective financial decisions. Also, in life generally, how can we make decisions. I claim that most of us learned decision making skills without being conscious of how they learned them or designed them. I discovered a course entitled Decision by Design. By Shane Parrish. I think you know him. He has a famous podcast and great blog in the Farnam Street. His projects are all about mental models. Let's call them the mental tools or templates. It is similar to lifestyle design tools we talked about earlier. How you deal with specific ideas in specific mental templates. Or how you discover that you have bias to certain idea, when you should think differently. So his work is based on allocating mental templates or tools, that help people to think in a better way when making a decision. And he introduces different skills. Each one of them is suitable for a certain context, It is like giving you a box of tools and ask you to use the suitable tool in the appropriate place. Of course you can use more than one tool. When I started reading about these tools, and apply them on my big decisions and other decisions, I realized that such tools are learnable and can help you in many things. Let's talk about the big decisions, For example, some of the simplest and most important things, and I will go back to your examples. Now, I am also thinking about solutions, in which we can apply what we talked about already. Not all decisions are the same For example, what you wear or where you eat, are not the same as whether to work or not to work or to get married or not to get married, or to buy this house or not to buy it. So when we put all decisions on the same paper, there will be two axes: one for the consequences, and the other for moving back. This is really important. If you learn to see these two axes when you make a decision, you may resolve 70% of your decisions, without wasting your time and effort and overthink it. So whenever you are making a decision, you have to see its consequences and whether they are big or small. If this decision does not have big consequences, you have to ask yourself: can you move back? If the decision does not have big consequences and you can reverse it, spending another minute thinking about it is a waste of time. Just make up your mind and go ahead! As long as it does not have big consequences and you can move back. For example if something does not work, cancel it. If the goods are not suitable return them. As long as it does not have big consequences and you can move back. Give me an example. For example, if we want to have dinner tonight, there is no need to think and try to brainstorm and draw a map on the wall! And spend two hours thinking about it! Why? We will go to a restaurant, if the food is not good enough, we can go to the restaurant beside it or another place. Let's suppose that you eat something and it was terrible, This food won't stay with you 70 years! Hours later and it's gone! So a decision like where to have dinner is not worth wasting your time and effort. However, there are other decisions, such as getting married, deciding where to live in the next 5 years, or buying a house. All of them are significant, and they have profound consequences on the quality of your life, your time, your relationships, your work, your financial plan and many other things. So those decisions that have profound consequences and it is difficult to move back after making them or moving back is so expensive. When making such decisions, one must spend enough time to collect information so he/she can make a right decision. Most of the decision that we conceive as wrong were because of not having enough information at that time and other bad behaviours such as having bias towards something then we say we did not know about this. So this is a general introduction about one of the important tools that help people to improve their decision making skills, and I think there are other important tools. I am confident that this is an important aspect we should invest our time and effort on it to improve it because it has a significant impact on our lives. Great There is an article about this topic and it is in the description box. Is it you phone? Yes. So you have a decision whether to answer the call or not. No no, he should wait. Sorry. If you want us to brainstorm this decision, Sorry. This is for the decisions according to your classification, we still have some points. Yes, other things have another way. I talked about the profound consequences and the ability to move back, which require an important mechanism. And the opposite which does not require a lot of thinking. So these are the two extremes and the rest is a spectrum, that require other procedures and ways of of planning and deciding. Great How can you know that you made the right decision? Let's say it was one of the decisions that require a lot of thinking. What are the tools? This is a significant question. Let me ask you what is the most important decision that you made last year? You don't have to answer. But I think the first thing that crossed your mind that, you judged this decision based on what? Bad? Bad or good, based on what? Its results Its results And this is a wrong way to make decisions or to assess them. Let's say that I was driving recklessly, and the traffic light is red and I went through it! and I did not make any accident So if your judgment is based on result, you will say going through the red traffic light is a right decision. No, but you were lucky. And the traffic light might be green and someone might crash my car. So did I made right or wrong decision? I may not leave the home in the first place. So having bias towards results is an issue when we assess the decisions When someone is making a decision, he/she should not jump to the results because some of the results are out of our control. To know whether you made a right or wrong decision is is based on the things that were in your control at that time. For example, were you able to know more details about this decision. Or was it possible to make extra efforts to make the right decision? Because you might make a decision that is considered wise or right, but the results are bad So why to blame yourself on things out of your control? However, you need to be aware of the tools and style. As I said earlier, decision making is a skill that is improvable And this is what I am trying to do even in my journaling, after I discover this world, and I intended to improve certain skills regularly, which is when I make a decision.... There is something called decision journal which is a journal allocated for decisions. It is for people who have considerable interest in decision making. You can also use such journal for the big decisions, and write the decision you are making, the data you have, the factual information and the information that I guessed is based on my way of thinking. Sometimes we deal with opinions as facts, but be reasonable. Some information is not facts, so verify them and discover their resources. Also, some decisions are better to be postponed, but other are better to be made as soon as possible. And we talked about them already. So have you considered the time factor when you made your decision? Did you made your decision at a good time? When you made your decision you were hungry, angry or sleep deprived? These are some factors to be considered and help you to improve your decision making skills. You can look back to your previous decisions, and how you made them. I will conclude with the first thing we discussed, that we shouldn't have bias towards the results. In many situations, it is the help of Allah that you are not affected by a decision. It is helpful to know the reason behind your decision making style, and review your decisions. Great People usually don't review the right decisions. Yes, people don't think about it. However, they think about the bad decisions. How do you deal with the bad decisions? As I mentioned earlier, is this bad decision a result of your negligence? Were you well prepared? Did you rush the process? Did you have bias toward certain emotions? I think this is one of the things you can deal with. Can you give me an example? Usually people go back to these decisions and don't know how to avoid them. And have better decisions in the future. Especially if the they are not used to journaling You mentioned journaling as one of the tools to make good decisions. Yes Let's say that I have not started journaling yet, or I am not good enough at it. So are there any other skills? Yes, the consultant. When you have someone to consult in your professional decisions, your relationship decisions your work decisions So the consultant job is to help you make decisions. This also help you in collecting information and verging facts. Especially if this consultant is an expert in certain area and he/she knows you and your thinking style. And can help you differentiate between your personal opinions and the actual facts. These are two tools that we mentioned quickly. I remembered something about how decision making is annoying For example, where or when to meet. Yes, there are some decisions that need tools. However, there is a way that facilitates the decision making process. As we mentioned earlier, people who need to focus on the important decisions such as Steve Jobs They started being neutral with different things and they delegate some people to make some decisions. such as delegating others to plan their diet and prepare their food, etc. But Another thing that can help you make decisions is to eliminate choices that may distract you and make you choose the annoying decision. For example, why don't you have 3 cafes where you meet others One or two cafes or a cafe each month so you can make one decision regarding cafes every month and choose a good place where you meet others. Also, you can say I meet people from 6 to 8 everyday. This way you will eliminate all annoying decisions. Of course! It depends on whom you will meet, the consequences and whether you can move back or not. Most likely they will be quick decisions. And now I have to make a quick decision, and say thank you. You're welcome. Because I am starving. So what are we going to order? Choose a restaurant. I already made my mind, Great, great Thank you for your listening Words of thanks and appreciation for Thmanyah team This is Fenjan one of Thmanyah 's products This episode was produced with the love from Riyadh City. See you next week. How do you deal with distraction? Yesterday, I was talking with my colleague Turki, two days ago, I deleted Instagram from my phone, Twitter is not on my phone. And other applications as well. So my phone is empty. I turned WhatsApp notifications off. And other applications likewise. My phone is on silent since I bought it. So I did so many things in order not to get distracted. However, while talking with him, I noticed that I checked my phone three times. Subconsciously Yes I was wondering how we lived 13 years ago, when we had no applications, iphone, social media and everything as available at your disposal We only had Nokia and Panda. So life was beautiful. How can you deal the distraction and notification and such issues? Because they are overwhelming Yes, it is a complicated issue. People who are close to me, know that I struggle with it, and I am trying to improve or reduce .it Every time I try a new method to deal with it. As you mentioned, I also don't have any notification on I only have notifications for the SMS and phone calls. because even the smallest red signal in my phone distracts me so I want to check my phone. I try to segment my time. so I know when it's OK to check my phone at times I allow myself to use my phone at my free time when distracting is not an issue. In comparison to times when I need to sit down and focus on my task. One trick that I used lately, is setting a timer in my phone, I mean my smart watch. If the distraction is of a high level, I set 15 minutes, but if it is low distraction I set 30 minutes. The timer is on and I keep it repeat until I am done with my work. You may think that you distract yourself each 15 minutes; however, I consider it a good reminder that I am on track. So If I am focused already I press repeat without even looking at my watch, and I continue my task. This strategy helped me deal with distraction during work time. However, when we talk about distraction in general, there are different contexts. if you have a solution please help us I think it is a issue that is common in life Now, ADHD is a popular topic and a lot of people think they have it. It is like a huge spectrum that we all suffer from, and I think it is related to the distractions around us. that the dopamine will not be released until you Swipe Up or share content. But I feel life has changed now, for example, Ayman or Asir ,10 years ago, will not do that. They either watch and focus or become absent minded. Absent mindedness in this case is good. There is an article in Thamanyah that mentioned "ideas come in the shower' but this is not true any more! now people take their phones with them in the shower. True, true OMG! How distracted we are! See you have just checked your phone! I don't mean you personally, but this became our behaviour! You know... I recently discovered that distraction comes hand in hand with dopamine We say someone has a serious problem with distraction if he/she has difficulty releasing dopamine I am not an expert to talk about the details but when I read about the challenges and solutions I read many times that distraction is considerably related to dopamine For example, we check our inbox many times and refresh it application is designed based on this I think there are documentaries and people who discussed this issue. Why people are unconsciously so attached to these applications? Because the dopamine is released every time they use their phones. You feel like there is a surprise coming So our brain is used to this feeling, also, it is well known that dopamine is connected to addiction. So if your brain get used to a certain dopamine dose, ,like coffee, it asks for more and more unconsciously. from any resource whether a Whatsapp message, an email or Instagram. Turning notifications off is for determined people. but not all people are the same. Sometimes ,for some people, notifications are not even enough! There is a book that .. I forgot its name Anyway, The layer? Yes The author talked about his experience in relapsing his smart phone with a normal phone, and his laptop with a typewriter He did these things to distance himself. He said when I started to write, I suddenly thought of washing my clothes! Yeah these weird thoughts when you want to focus! yeah these thoughts are funny. I have been through the same experience, and I think all of us know such thoughts What is the name of the book? The first book is Hooked. And the second one is? Indistractable You gave it to me as a gift if you remember. I hope it was beneficial to you. That's it.