Lecture on Codependency and Insecure Attachment

Introduction

• Presentation by Dr. Donnelly Snipes
• Agenda:
  • Define attachment and codependency
  • Explore codependency as a consequence of insecure attachment
  • Conceptualize codependency as a person/relationship addiction
  • Identify strategies for recovery

Key Definitions

Codependency

• Often considered a result of relationships with addicts
• Can be seen as an addiction to relationships
• May arise from childhood trauma (Adverse Childhood Experiences - ACES)

Attachment

• Describes the quality of relationships
• Secure Attachment: Formed with primary caregivers who meet emotional, physical needs
• Insecure Attachment: Results when needs are not consistently met
  • Anxious Attachment: Fear of abandonment, constant need for reassurance
  • Avoidant Attachment: Distrustful, avoids emotional investment
  • Anxious-Avoidant Attachment: Switches between needing closeness and pushing away

Consequences of Insecure Attachment

• Neediness for reassurance and fear of abandonment
• Difficulty developing emotional intelligence, coping skills
• Often results in poor relationship skills as adults

Characteristics of Insecure Attachment Styles

Anxious Attachment

• Desperately craves closeness but fears losing it
• Constantly on guard, leading to exhaustion

Avoidant Attachment

• Distrusts others, avoids emotional energy investment
• Feels it’s not worth trusting others

Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

• Mix of neediness and pushing away
• Common in those with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder

Addiction and Codependency

Addiction Definition

• Continued use of substances or activities to escape, numb, or self-medicate
• Causes neurotransmitter release, providing temporary emotional relief

Codependency as Addiction

• Defines self-worth based on another person’s needs
• Relationships serve as a coping mechanism for underlying trauma
• Behaviors include building tolerance and experiencing withdrawal

Origins and Development

Childhood Trauma and ACES

• Trauma often stems from environmental issues like poverty
• Not always intentional by caregivers

Developmental Impacts

• Lack of secure attachment leads to scrambling for emotional skills
• Inconsistent parenting leaves emotional and resource gaps

Characteristics of Codependent Behavior

Relation to Addictive Behaviors

• Behaviors may prompt neurochemical release (dopamine, serotonin)
• Fear of abandonment drives controlling and care-taking actions

Physical and Emotional Impacts

• Physical ailments due to chronic stress
• Emotional dysregulation: Anxiety, anger, depression
• Cognitive impacts: Negative focus, poor problem-solving

Symptoms and Signs

Emotional and Cognitive Impact

• Erratic emotions, underlying anxiety
• Depression and feelings of helplessness
• Difficulty with empathy and emotional intelligence

Relational Impact

• Power struggles in relationships
• Need for control and difficulty setting boundaries
• Impact on other aspects of life (work, hobbies, other relationships)

Development of Secure Attachment

• Importance of CARES mnemonic: Consistency, Responsiveness, Attention, Validation, Encouragement, Safety

Coping and Recovery Strategies

Self-Understanding

• Recognize behaviors as survival mechanisms
• Identify functions of codependent behaviors and alternatives

Interventions

• Develop a secure relationship with self (mindfulness, self-validation)
• Address core issues: Low self-esteem, fear of abandonment
• Recognize and manage hyper-vigilance and emotional dysregulation

Cognitive and Emotional Work

• Understand fear-based reactions: Fight, Flee, Fawn, Freeze
• Adjust cognitive distortions (stinking thinking)
• Develop skills for distress tolerance and self-care

Practical Steps

• Regularly check in with oneself (mindfulness)
• Build self-esteem beyond external validation
• Set healthy boundaries and priorities
• Be consistent, responsive, and safe in meeting one’s own needs

Summary of Recovery Needs

• Develop a sense of self-worth
• Learn to cope with overwhelming emotions
• Form a network of healthy relationships
• Identify and change dysfunctional behaviors and thought patterns