Why is my ex taking so long to come back to me? That is a question that I was asked just yesterday and one that I hear all the time. And I thought that it would be very, very important and insightful to discuss this with you today.
My name is Coach Adrian, Love and Relationship Coach, excited to be able to share some of the things that I've learned. along the way with you on this episode and on this video. So welcome to all of you who are listening to us on our podcast and on our YouTube channel.
And quite often I am confronted with individuals who have not been able to make progress as quickly as they would want to in their breakup recovery. And so they start to get impatient and they don't understand. why it is taking so long for their ex to reach out to them.
And the reality is that, in some cases, if you are too impatient, if you let your feelings and your emotions get the best of you, and you start to push and push and push, you make mistakes that ultimately expand the process of breakup recovery. Quite often, when you make a mistake, unfortunately, you have to start back. from scratch because your ex will need time and space because they're a little bit overwhelmed again and because they feel perhaps a sense of desperation, a sense of despair that is unattractive and that pushes them away. And very often what takes the longest period of time is for you to get into the right mindset.
So you're trying to cut corners because you quickly want to get back together. And so you end up pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing your significant other away. And so the process is going to take a lot longer than it needs to. But if you actually take the time to get into the right mindset right away, you are more likely to surprise your ex and to not push them away. And therefore, your process of breakup recovery will take...
A lot less time than most. What is important for you to know, though, is that this is an organic process. It is not a copy-paste formula that is to be applied.
And so what takes one month for some individuals may take two months for others. But the point is not to just get back together. The point is to be in a healthy relationship. And so it is important for you to let things play out organically. You're dealing with another human being who has fears, insecurities, dreams, hopes, aspirations.
And you cannot force that issue. If your ex isn't ready, it probably means that there's still some work to be done on their end. And it probably means that you also need to continue. To live out that change, that transformation that you have gone through since the breakup.
Because I know, if you're following our channel, if you're listening to our podcasts, that you truly have done the work, that you've understood what went wrong, and that you're seeking to make changes in your day-to-day. Because you know that that's the only sustainable way to turn things around. But in some cases, even after you start doing the work, you may still not be able to reconnect with your significant other as you would want to.
They may still be fearful or avoidant or resentful at the idea of just going back to how things were. And if that is the case, it's okay. It does not mean that you... are failing in your process, it just simply means that they also need time to catch up to the work that you have done. They may not be so motivated initially to work on themselves and to try to create a new identity without you.
Despite the fact that they may have told you that that was their goal, they may not be as motivated and they may coast. And I see this happen quite a lot. where an ex has to catch up to the progress and to the changes that you have made in order to create.
a new and improved relationship. But what I tell clients all the time in coaching sessions is that we cannot worry about them, about what they're thinking, about what they're doing. We have to focus on you and your process of growth and transformation because quite frankly, that is what we can control.
And ultimately, if you do the work, it is reasonable for you to expect that this work will have an impact in the way that they see you, the way that they feel about you. even if you're not communicating at this moment. Ultimately, yes, you will need to reach out to your significant other if they have not done so within a set reasonable period of time. And the way by which you reach out to them will be a reflection of the change and the growth that has occurred.
But the way that you deal with their response, with the interaction or lack thereof, will also be another way to convey the transformation that has occurred. And the sooner you're able to understand that, to work on yourself and on that confidence, the better off you will be when it comes to reconnecting with them and trying to seal the deal. Ultimately, remember that they need to do work too.
They need to earn your trust as well. They need to prove to you that they are the right person for you. And if they're not taking steps to come back yet, it means that they have not held their end of the bargain as well. If this is the person that you are destined to be with for the rest of your life, it is important for you to let this process play out, to not force it, to not get impatient, because a mistake could lead to a significant setback.
I have seen individuals come back together after many months apart. And they do not regret having been patient. They do not regret taking time to let the process play out organically. So it doesn't mean that you can't reach out. There are steps, there are ways to reconnect with your ex, especially when it's coming from a place of confidence and well-being.
But I need you to not force the issue, because it will lead to a setback. If you're interested to know more about how to reach out to your significant other, We have a free training specifically on communication with the next after a breakup. I encourage you to check it out. And I think that this will inspire you to continue to also work on yourself because you will see what is possible and what steps that you can take when you feel ready. My name is Coach Adrian.
You are listening to Love Advice TV. And I thank you for your trust as always. Take good care.
And see you soon for another episode.