Why did the ventriloquist quit drinking? Because he was acting like a real dummy. Well, hi-oh and howdy fine folks and welcome back to Hee Haw.
We want to thank our special guest, Charlton Heston, for joining us. Walter, it's an absolute pleasure to be here in the sight of God. On hee-haw. But who would be laughing if it weren't for the patriots who answer the call of freedom? Well, I'm...
The aliens. They would exploit our every weakness and suck the brains out of every living soul. They'd be laughing, but not like you and me. They'd go...
Beep, Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Well, we want to leave you with the sweetest molasses sounds of a band I'm sure you're all going to like. Hens and Roosters, Linden Ear, To Lonesome Earl, and the Clutterbusters. Thank you. Some folks ride like the wind, with the whispering pines to guide them, and the burning light Inside them keeps them warm in the snow. Others fear the sounds they hear.
Make them deedles out of molehills. Fill their hearts with four cute pine quills. They're dead and buried long before they go.
Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand. His immortal soul may lay forever in the sand. The angels wouldn't take him up to heaven like he planned.
Because they couldn't pry that gun from his cold dead hand. What did he say? Let's dig in. Takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger.
Takes a cold dead heart and as near as I can figure. With your cold dead aim you're trying to prove your dick is bigger. But we know your chariot may not be swinging low. Hold that hand You're a big, big man with a little bit of glance So you need something bigger just to fill You're making fun of everything I hold dear Walter Imagine if the Lord were here And he knew what you've been thinking Would his sacred heart be sinking Into the canyon of dismay And on the ones who sell the guns, he'd sick the vultures and coyotes. Only the devil's true devotees could profiteer.
From pain and fear Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand And his immortal soul may lay forever in the sand The angels wouldn't take him up to heaven like he planned Cause they couldn't pry that gun from his cold dead hand It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger Takes a cold dead heart and as near as I can figure With your cold dead hand you find a way to pull the trigger But we don't know if your chariot may not go Biting social satire goes down smooth. Enjoy the show. I'm gonna watch that sunset.
Cold at hand, cold at hand, cold at hand. You're a big, big man with a little bitty glance, so you need something bigger with a hairpin trigger. You don't want to get caught with your trousers down when the psycho killer comes around.
So you make your home like a thunderdome, and you're always packing everywhere you roam. Let the psycho... when no matter what you do, cause they're gonna buy way more guns than you! Ooooooh! And while you're stumbling out of bed, they put fibrons in the back of your head or you get depressed cause somebody went south and you put your old shotgun in your mouth and your kids walk in and they find you there like a headless slump in your underwear and they move the gun and it kills them too and your wife just doesn't know what to do so she takes the hanger day from her shoe and she pulls the pin!
And it's all on you And your cold, bad hand Well, what in the heck was that? I accidentally shot my foot off Aww