Hey hey people, Seth here. What is League of Legends? That's a very good question. On the surface, it's a MOBA, which is still popular, despite most games ending after Top or Mid feeds free kills. A snowball of mistakes which start the moment you begin queuing.
Win or lose, the only victory is choosing not to play. Each day, I leave a dirty dish on the counter. Each day, I come back and the ants establish a new Silk Road to carry my table scraps.
League players are much the same. They're conditioned for abuse and return to their abuser without fail. Because...
They're going to change for real this time. Door dashing a bottom friendly diet prepares the League player for a lifetime of incontinence as they get shafted daily by Riot Games. Cum clock going up my brain. I'm gonna die. Are the last words of each individual that subjugates their white matter to League.
Their lifeless body is found at the computer and their parents cry as they explain to the coroner that the purple-skinned midget dwarves their son was fapping to was in fact popular characters Lulu and Tristana from League of Legends. And this will be your fate, should you ignore my warnings. The big question on everyone's mind is Dota 2. Better than...
Yes, yes it is. Then again, this is a comparison between playing with emotionally unstable Germans and whoever hasn't been conscripted to the front lines. They're not playing to win, they're playing to forget, because this is their last solo queue before getting deployed to Donbass. Additionally, every dollar spent on League is a dollar spent on the 2027 reunification of Chinese Taipei.
Every dollar spent on Dota is another calorie consumed by Gabe Newell. But, you'll never play then. because all the female bot lane characters are in league, and you'll continue in the hopes of finding a mentally unstable e-girl with borderline personality disorder, so her insane demonic genes may combine with your autism.
You will flood the earth with your autistic nonverbal offspring. The meek shall inherit bronze free, which by that point will be even lower, and the average rank will be Driftwood 5. Son, I have a confession to make. I invested your entire trust fund into based Groiper coin, and unfortunately... I lost everything.
Luckily, I still had 500 bucks to buy the new Faker Ari skin. Please, don't rope yourself. Think of how much rope I'm gonna be shooting when your diabetic mother cosplays her at PAX East. Unfortunately, we're in debt, and I'm forced to sell you off to a wealthy, charismatic homosexual.
Please, forgive me, in the same way that I've already forgiven myself. You couldn't understand the philosophy of this company by seeing which champions they release. After all, they know their audience. Women for the porn-sick gooners. Women for the e-kittens dating them.
and children for Jax players. Why even spend money on gifting your e-girl skins when you can save 80% by lacing her drinking water with fluoxetine for the same effect? I have a theory about League, and it pertains to all mainstream multiplayer games. Chat filters in moderation don't fix the problem.
They only serve to stifle the Aryan spirit. Now everyone's become a little tattletale skirting around the rules, trying to infuriate you so they can send their epic report to Daddy Riot. You know what this makes you?
You're the same as that one kid who cries to the principal, snitches get stitches, and if it were up to me, we'd take you to Birmingham and stone you to death in Sharia court. You cannot suppress the human condition. We are the sons of the retards you could not lobotomize.
Similarly, Vanguard doesn't prevent cheating. The only purpose of it is for Shi Shu Hong Xue, intern at Riot Games, to push a bad update and destroy my computer. You know how you cheat in this game?
you make a smurf, and then you're at a level playing field because everyone else made one before you. At this point, there's no such thing as a new player, only a Yasuo main who can't leave silver. Despite this, Riot will never do anything, which is probably for the best, as any decision they've ever taken is always the worst. Come back in a few years when surrender votes start at 10 minutes, and simply thinking of a racial slur activates Vanguard League. is an ontological anchor in time.
We represent our lives not in years, but as a motion before and after quitting League. Tyler1 got permabanned. Now he's a father.
Videogamedunkey banned himself. Now he's pregnant. I got 30-day chat restricted. Now I take subcutaneous clitoral injections of 5cc Trenbolone, and I've never felt better. League.
Is the demi-urge. To break out of this asylum, you must realize there is no lock or key, and we may simply walk away. Despite my critique, there is a purpose to League. It's the best psychological evaluation out there. Forget the MBTI or whatever.
We need to conduct job interviews by making the applicant... play League of Legends. Everything you need to know about a person's character, you'll learn from watching Ranked Solo Queue. And make sure he's playing a support.
If your friendship can withstand League, it's already tested, and we stand as brothers. I rendered this in 4K on my MacBook Pro. Hopefully, the extra effort comes through. The personal computer is a modern manifestation of Solomon's Temple. Leaving a pulmonary embolism on Google servers is the least I can do.
Initially, I thought a lot of people complaining about audio were audio files. These are people who molest music instead of children. It is my unfortunate discovery that after five years of doing this full time, that I have been recording audio with an XLR microphone without...
Installing any drivers. However, like a mama bird vomiting my regurgitated food into your mouth, I know what you truly need. So, it has been unfortunate for the listener that I must inform you, I've uninstalled them and have no intention of getting better.
In fact, I'll make it worse. As always, more content to come, so stay tuned. A warm thanks to the many members of the Merchants Guild, gang-stalking my enemies until they die.
You're all truly wonderful. I have no idea who these men are, and I'm not complicit in any crimes. Your Honor, have a good one.