The universe doesn't care about you because there is nothing to care about. There's nothing there. What we do know from neuroscience is that we have the ability, using our minds through training, to maximize our ability to manifest. And what I mean by that is we have a narrative of success, the money power position, and if you achieve success, that makes you happy. And nothing could be further from the truth.
What allows us to to have meaning and purpose in our lives is... What is your relationship like with drinking? I assume you mean drinking alcohol.
Right. Well, if you ask me honestly, I would say that most of the negative... experiences I've had have frequently been associated with alcohol.
You know, conversely, when used in moderation, it can actually be helpful socially to interact with people. But my father was an alcoholic, as you know, I think, and you know, there's a saying that one is too much two is too many and three is never enough, right? So I have to, not necessarily consciously, but I am certainly aware that at times alcohol is not my friend.
Yeah, I wanted to use that as a gateway to talking about your childhood, because a lot of times children of alcoholics, they don't touch the stuff. Sometimes, obviously, they become alcoholics themselves. And I was just curious because you didn't really talk about that in the book. And and so to start, can we just build the audience in on I mean, you talked about this almost in every interview with the magic shop and all that. But can you just give us a sort of montage of of how you grew up and what the mindset was like and kind of how you ended up in that in that magic shop?
Sure. Well, and I don't want to act like somehow my narrative is incredibly unusual or unique, because sadly, there are a lot of children who grow up with parents who are addicted to various substances, be it alcohol, drugs, etc. And there are also children who grow up with parents who have mental illness.
That being said, My situation was that my father was an alcoholic. Hee was a binge drinker. My mother had had a stroke when I was a child.
As a result, she had a seizure disorder, was partially paralyzed, unfortunately chronically depressed, attempted suicide. We were on public assistance essentially my entire childhood. And in fact, we were evicted from various residences.
So of course, you can imagine that is not the ideal. for a childhood. And there's a whole area of research regarding children who come from similar types of backgrounds, and it's called adverse childhood experiences. And basically, there's a checklist. And the higher the number of checks, the more, or I should say, the less likely you are to succeed in life by typical standards.
And so having a parent who has mental illness, having a parent who has drug or alcohol issues, being in poverty, these circumstances markedly diminish the likelihood that you will succeed in society. Of course, in many ways, it's analogous to ongoing trauma. Now, trauma typically is associated with war veterans. But the nature of chronic chaos, unpredictability, or unpredictability have a huge negative impact because what happens is you chronically activate your sympathetic nervous system or this flight, fight, or freeze response because you never know what's going to happen next. As a result, your muscles are chronically tense.
You're always looking around waiting for the unexpected. And many of these children grow up with what we would call post-traumatic stress disorder. And as a result, if you cannot relax, if you can't be present, then it's very hard to function in normal society.
And sadly, this is the case with so many children. And as a result, they lose hope. They fall into despair.
They give up, and then it's a spiral downward. What was different for me, and I preface this by saying I never felt that my parents did not love me. I felt ignored by my parents, but that was because they did not have the tools to deal with their own issues, much less deal with their children. But what changed the trajectory of my life was one day I had gotten on my bicycle, And I was far away from home.
I ended up at a strip mall, and in the strip mall was a magic shop. And when I walked into the magic shop, and I had an interest in magic for some time, there was a woman there, and it turned out she was the owner's mother. The owner was doing an errand, and she knew nothing about magic. But what she did know about was people. And she greeted me with, and I'm sure you've met people like this who have a radiant smile and presence.
Just this kindness emanated from her. And as a result, I felt safe. And of course, for someone to open up to share their feelings, one has to have a sense of psychological safety. And that's what she gave me. And as a result of that, I felt comfortable speaking with her and telling her the truth, essentially.
And she asked some penetrating questions, which I answered. And after about 20 or 30 minutes, she said to me, she said, I really like you. I'm here for another six weeks. And if you show up every day, I think I can teach you something that could really help you.
Now, to be honest with you, I had zero self-awareness. I didn't know exactly what this entailed. But the reality was that I had absolutely nothing else to do. And she was very kind.
And she was giving me chocolate chip cookies. So I did show up every day. Heow old were you at this point? I was about 12 and a half. Okay.
And so during that period of six weeks, she taught me several things. Now, you have to remember, this was before mindfulness or neuroplasticity were in the common lexicon of society. These were, in fact, unusual terms. But what she taught me was a mindfulness practice. She taught me how to relax my body because I had no understanding that my muscles were tense all the time or that I was constantly looking around.
And as I'm sure you can appreciate, if you're like a goldfish in an aquarium and the water's dirty, you don't realize you're swimming in dirty water all the time. And I had no realization that my muscles were tense or that I couldn't focus. And she taught me what is now called a body survey or a way to relax my muscles. And this was followed by focusing, in this case, on a candle, although she could teach me a mantra type of exercise.
And this allowed me to focus and be present. And from this, she made me understand that the negative dialogue that was constantly going on in my head was not truth. And I'm sure many people think that the statements they're telling themselves are based in truth.
But in fact, we have something called negativity bias. which is baggage we carry from our evolution as a species, and negative things have a tendency to stick to us. And statements that are made about us or that we interpret as negative oftentimes get embedded in our subconscious, and we repeat them. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy.
I'm an imposter. I don't deserve love. And she taught me that these were not truth, and that, in fact, I could change those negative statements to ones of positive self-affirmation. And while, of course, it didn't take it all away, it certainly toned it down.
And it gave me insights, one, into those statements were not true, and two, that I do deserve to be loved or that I am worthy, that I'm not an imposter. And then this changed how I looked at the world. Because when I was less or— self-critical, I was also less hypercritical of those around me.
And as a result, I gained insight and awareness that it wasn't an issue that my parents didn't like me or didn't care about me. It was they just did not have their own tools to help themselves. So my anger and hostility towards my parents or my situation changed. What happens is that when you carry negativity around with you, in many ways it emanates from your body.
And there's a whole... amount of literature in terms of this electromagnetic energy that emanates from us. And certainly if it's positive, you get a positive response from others.
If it's negative, people are cautious or turn away or avoid you. And so what I tell people is that once I changed how I looked at the world, the world changed how it looked at me. And it turned out that it wasn't that people didn't like me at all.
It was the energy that I was emanating. And in fact, when that changed, people reached out to help me. And I find it always interesting.
There's a subset of people who prefer to hear the narrative, I did it myself. Reality is none of us do anything ourselves. We cannot be successful in this world unless people help us. And so I received a lot of help along the way, of which I'm very appreciative. appreciative of and have gratitude for.
And that has allowed me to be with you today. Heey, so a lot of you all have been reaching out with your guest suggestions. And look, I appreciate it. I do.
And to help make it easier for those guests to say yes to my invitation, I need you to subscribe to this channel. Just hit the subscribe button below. And that's literally the best way to help me get you that guest on my podcast. All right. Thank you so much for helping out and back to the show.
Thank you for that. And I want to just go back and fill in a couple of the gaps. You hopped on your bike and went to that magic shop because your parents were fighting with each other.
And that was sort of a pattern of yours to just get as far away from that as you can. And I think when we pan back and we look at the sort of the larger trajectory of this idea of manifesting. If I'm playing God and I want to manifest a doctor, a neuroscientist, neurosurgeon who's going to educate the world and inspire people on this concept in a very practical way, I can't imagine a better scenario to have you born into in order to inspire you to go to that magic shop that day and to feel that sense of insecurity leading up to that point. and to bring that doctor into your fourth grade class and to introduce you to this idea of medicine, which then inspires you to want to become a doctor later on in life. And, you know, and then the story of you having that pre-med exam and then shaming you saying this is a waste of everybody's time.
And then you didn't really say this, but I'm assuming you told the story, your life story, which then humanized you in their eyes. And You told him about your dad and your mom and all of that, and then you end up becoming this doctor and contributing all this money. I mean, would you agree, looking back, that your whole life essentially has been a manifestation of what you're now putting out into the world? And what do you think of this idea of destiny when it comes to manifesting things?
Well, as you know from the first sentence in my new book, Right. the universe doesn't give a fuck about you. In terms of destiny, that's probably above my pay grade. What I would say is that the trajectory of my life has been an understanding that what allows us to have meaning and purpose in our lives is either being of service to others or having a vision of inspiring others to be their best selves. I certainly went down the path of it all being about me.
And that path... led to a dead end because of my own insecurity. my own shame, I was desperately seeking external affirmation that I was okay. And the problem is that this is certainly not uncommon.
But what happens is you stand on the mountain, and if you've accomplished something, and certainly people will tell you, wow, you're so great. Wow, that's amazing. But for me, at least, it never meant anything.
No matter how many people told me I was okay, I did not feel okay. And sadly, there are many people who have accomplished the external narratives that our capitalist Western society has promoted, which is the acquisition of things or power or position or money. And because they have the same emptiness or do not feel fulfilled, from all of this external affirmation, they have a tendency to show it off, to keep promoting how great they are, and nothing works.
The sad part is that there are a number of people who believe the same narrative and who want all of these things under the false notion that if I just get them, all my insecurities, all my shame will go away, and people will recognize how great I am, and it just doesn't work. But unfortunately, This is a very common societal narrative. Ultimately, though, over time, it became readily evident to me that the only way I could fill the void or the emptiness that I felt was by caring for others. And in fact, I recognized that that is how we evolved as a species. That's how we should be.
And the problem in modern Western capitalist society is that. And unlike 200 years ago, when most people lived in villages, they were born there, they died there, it was a small community, they lived in multi-generational families, they had people who supported them, who cared about them, who were non-judgmental, who were working to make them better people, and they did not have chronic activation of their sympathetic nervous system. As we evolved as a species, that mechanism, which dates back millions of years, was a mechanism to survive in a hostile environment.
But it was never meant to be activated 24-7. And what I mean by that is that in ancient times, if you will, you would see the grass move. You knew from experience that it probably represented a predator.
Your sympathetic nervous system was activated. You responded. and escaped, hopefully. And then you immediately went back into your parasympathetic mode, which is our rest and digest system. And that's the mode where we're meant to live.
And it's the mode when our brain works at its best. It's the place where our physiology works at its best. And when we can be in that mode most of the time, it's associated with increased longevity.
And so that's where we're meant to live. Unfortunately, the nature of modern society, where we don't live in multi-generational families, where we don't live in villages, where we have to work, this has created for many people chronic stimulation of their sympathetic nervous system, where they, in many ways, are fearful. And whether this is to pay for food, have a job, live in a house, take care of their family, these pressures are on them.
And for many people, especially now, because there is an ever-decreasing social safety net, this creates fear and anxiety. And it's very unfortunate because as a result, people are incredibly fearful of being judged. 25% of people don't have anyone to talk to when they're in pain or suffering or anxious. And it's created in many ways, societal disaster. people having ever-increasing anxiety, despair, stress, and this has a negative impact in every aspect of society.
And if we can shift people over to understanding what we really need, I think that can be extraordinarily powerful. So you mentioned in the book that from the point of view of the sympathetic nervous system, positivity has no purpose for survival. And so therefore it doesn't merit our attention in the same way that negativity or threat can get our full attention. And I think a lot of people want to be more positive, right? We read all these positivity quotes on social media and we say, oh, that's great.
You know, this is my new thing and all of that. Why? Well, I won't say why is it so hard to do this, but how can we sort of unlock that more positive tendency within each of us? in a real-world practical way? And give me like a real-world sort of expectation.
Heow long does it take to start to become more positive? Well, first of all, I think what you've said is correct. And one of the problems, of course, and I don't mean to keep harping back to Western capitalist society, but the goal of, unfortunately, the society we live in is to have infinite growth on a finite planet.
which is fundamentally impossible. And so ever-increasing consumption, while it has continued to occur, is ultimately finite. And what I mean by that is that always chasing something, always being under a threat that if you don't achieve something, something bad's going to happen, of course.
is not helpful whatsoever. Getting back to your query, one of the challenges for a lot of people is that they carry the baggage, for good or bad, of their childhoods with them throughout their lives. And there are certain very specific developmental points in our lives where we learn how to connect with other people, how to be nurtured, how to love, how to care. And this is called attachment theory or bonding theory.
And if those areas are associated with negative aspects, many children have these types of behaviors embedded into their subconscious. And as a result, they don't appreciate that every action they take as an adult, every relationship they engage in, every interaction, uh actually is tainted by negative baggage and as we were just talking about negativity you don't see any news programs that are all about positivity because positivity is not a threat to people negativity though makes one turn by our evolutionary uh constructs so um unfortunately uh this is sort of a morphing of how we were designed just because of the modern world. In terms of a positive practice, and also let me just preface this by saying, yes, there is something called toxic positivity, where you finally sit there and say, look, I've had enough of this bullshit.
Yes, I appreciate all these great things, but they're not helping me one iota at this moment in my life. And I certainly get that as well. But what does happen when you're able to shift into the parasympathetic nervous system or this rest and digest system, in many ways what happens is you see the world in a different way. You understand that everyone is suffering. You understand that how somebody appears at this moment may not have any relationship to what's actually going on.
You appreciate that everybody is suffering. hopefully, almost everybody, is doing the best they can at that moment in time. And I think that makes you much more thoughtful, more kind, and more connected to people.
And what we have a genetic imperative to do is to connect, to care for others. This, of course, started with our nuclear family, when our offspring, like... unlike other species, don't run off into the jungle or the forest. They have to be cared for for a decade, decade and a half, two decades. And that requires one to be present and offer time and resources.
And unless there's some very deep power that makes you do that, and this is why I say a genetic imperative, it's embedded in you, you won't and your species will not survive. So when our species is children or offspring are suffering and are hungry or in need, when we act towards caring for them, then this results in the release of different type of neurotransmitters. One, I'm sure you're familiar with, oxytocin. This is called the love, bonding, affiliation, caring hormone.
And when that is released, our reward and pleasure centers are activated. We shift into this parasympathetic nervous system. Our physiology works at its best. Our brain networks function at their best.
And at that moment, we are the best people we can be. And we feel good. That's where we need to live. But in modern society with the...
needs that are forced upon us to survive, this distorts the system and chronically activates, for many people, their sympathetic nervous system. So what I hear you saying is that our capitalist society is essentially wiring us against positivity, finding that sort of natural, optimistic, positive outlook on life. And in order to do that, you have to become very intentional about being compassionate.
And through practicing compassion repeatedly, we can sort of unlock this greater sense of connection with other people. And so where does manifesting play into all of that, assuming that I'm recapping it correctly? Just to make one statement before I answer that question.
The problem isn't so much capitalism, it's ruthless capitalism, which we've seen over the last few decades, where if you look in the 50s or 60s, a person having a low-wage job still was able to care for their family, rent a home, go on a little vacation. They weren't trying to be billionaires. They were simply trying to live a good life and take care of their families. Nowadays, we've had an ever-increasing stripping of social services.
We don't have a living wage. We have a minimum wage. Even two parents working at minimum wage cannot even care for themselves, much less a family. Financial insecurity, home insecurity, food insecurity, every one of these increase one's stress level. And this is in part why we're in the way we are.
If anyone looked at the ever-increasing income... inequality, they would say it is obscene and inappropriate. Yet, 80% of new dollars that are created go into the pockets of about 90% of less than 10% of the people in the world.
What kind of a system is that? Now, that's not the purpose of our conversation today, but I would suggest that people think about that. In terms of manifesting, all of us are manifesting every second. But, as you know, an athlete doesn't become an elite.
an elite athlete by waking up one morning and saying, I'm an elite athlete. That happens because of what? Heabit formation, repetition, intention.
So to achieve that, though, you have to recognize that there isn't some magic being out in the universe who says you were worthy and you deserve X, Y, or Z. The universe doesn't care about you one iota because there is nothing to care about. There's nothing there.
And what we do know from neuroscience, though, is that we have the ability, using our minds through training, to maximize our ability to manifest. And what I mean by that is, and what's outlined in the book, are very specific techniques and an explanation as to why they work to give you the tools and resources to do that. But to start at the beginning, one thing which I already mentioned.
is you have to understand what you've already been manifesting. And I'm sure you've met people who say, I don't understand it. I'm going through my third divorce, and it's like I married the same person all three times, right? Well, this is because of the baggage you carry, and you have, unfortunately, not healthy methods of connection or bonding. And so you have to understand the baggage first that you've been carrying and take some time to explore that.
then you have to understand the difference between what you think you want and what you need. What I mean by that is we've been talking about society, Western society. Well, we have a narrative of success being money, power, position.
And if you achieve success, that makes you happy. And nothing, of course, be further from the truth. Yet we brainwash so many people in that manner.
That we're only worsening an already overwhelming situation where people don't have purpose, they don't have meaning, which is the core of a happy life. which is meaning that this happiness is deep and sustainable versus a narrative of things that I want to make me look important, which is transient, shallow, and is a dead end in terms of seeking happiness. When you say that there's no external factors that are in control of, of manifesting. I'm curious, how does that square with the concept of God? You also mentioned free will in your book as well.
So can you just talk a little bit about that prayer, God, free will, and how all that kind of relates to this concept of manifesting? Sure. Well, let me go backwards a little bit.
If you look at the evolution of our species, we used to live in tribes. Typically, these tribes were up to about 150, because after that, it's very hard to keep track of an individual. In the tribal setting, though, the tribe itself would put constraints on your behavior, because they were all around you, they were judging you, and accordingly, you would act appropriate to the benefit of the society.
Once you got over that number, and that number I think it's called Dunbarman's number, I could be wrong, or Dunbar's number, couldn't keep track of people. And so some people would argue that there was another contributing factor to the following. We're the only species that has a finite understanding of our finite existence, meaning that we know we're going to die.
This creates, for many people, an existential crisis, because they're always concerned about dying. Two, once you get over that 150 number, you can't keep track of people. So what would be better than to create a narrative of an omniscient being who sees every action you do and judges that action? So many people would argue that the source of religion, actually is to help society function better by creating a moral ethical framework.
And if you don't fall within that, then you are punished by this omniscient being that sees everything you do. And it's interesting, if you look at every society, there's a woman who won the TED Prize, and she looked at the basis of every religious practice, and she got together with nine women. priests, gurus, whatever you want to call them. And the fundamental agreement was, and I think science backs this, is that compassion is the fundamental basis of every religion, because that's what's allowed us to survive as a species, as well as the golden rule.
So if you look at essentially every culture, there is some definition of an omniscient being. And that if you practice X, Y, or Z, or you're a good person, you're going to be rewarded by everlasting life. And you can even pull it into the Buddhist narrative or the Heindu narrative, and it's associated with quote-unquote karma.
You're being punished or rewarded based on your past lives. So these types of narratives were a mechanism to control people's behavior, as well as to benefit overlords or priest class. Because once society evolved, you also got the creation of these individuals. Because it went from an agrarian society or small groups of people to much larger groups of people. And this is where the greed of man has ever evolved.
So if you look at God or religion, well, how do you pick? And even among, as an example, Christians, you have 35,000 sects of Christianity, at least. So I would suggest that if you look at all the various religions, you have well over a million different narratives about who's right.
Well, if you have a million definitions about who's right, that means no one's right. And so in terms of any type of organized religion or belief that there is somehow somebody magical out there who cares about me, at least in my examination of the information I have, I don't believe it whatsoever. But what I do know, and...
is that I'm a human being, I have a mind, and there are certain techniques that I can use that not only... benefit me, but by very the nature of walking that walk, benefit other people, which actually hopefully improves our society and makes the world a better place. Now, if you want to call God a sense or a purpose of goodness, I can certainly agree with that.
Do I have any evidence of that? Absolutely zero. But it doesn't matter.
I don't need any evidence of a God. I don't need any evidence of an omniscient. being. All I need to know is that when I care for other people, when I connect with other people, I feel good about myself, period. And the reality is when I feel that, it's also true.
My reward and pleasure centers are being stimulated. My physiology is working at its best. All my cognitive brain networks are functioning at their best. And so that's really all I need to know. And that's fact.
face. It's not magical thinking. And how does free will fit into all of this?
One could argue, and you could say, if you were God and you had all the information in the world, that then you could use that information to make predictions about everything. And so there would be no mysteries because it's like, I mix X chemical together with Y chemical and this reaction occurs. So I think that's one argument. It could be a specious argument because, yes, that on some level may be true, but none of us have access to that information.
So what does it matter? You know, there's a book by Robert Sapolsky recently called, I think it's called Different. I could be wrong. But anyway, he does not believe that there is free will.
Again, it all comes down to sort of a specific definition. like I said earlier, if I had all that information and could process it, I can predict every action of everything because when, you know, we're chemical beings, electrochemical beings, and there's physics or other laws that say what happens when you mix A and B. That being said, you know, there is a narrative that you cannot predict how three bodies are going to interact in terms of their gravitational pull. And I throw that out because there's now a TV show about that, but it's in.
involve humans. But the point is that we don't have free will on the one hand, but we never know we don't have free will. And so what does it matter?
Right. I would even say just from my own exposure to this stuff over the years is that we have the potential for free will, but because our neurons are wiring together based on our old patterns and old trauma, as you mentioned, then we're more automate it than we are aware of. And that self-agency that we don't really get to tap into that as much if we're not interrupting that pattern on a regular basis, which is, of course, why you're such a big advocate for practices like mindfulness and meditation.
And when I'm hearing you talk, I'm coming back to this concept of magic. And I think when it comes to like an idea of a god or some sort of higher intelligence related to science and the placebo effect for instance which i think they say is something like 40 effective but we can't explain why and so when i hear magic i think of the inexplicable outcomes that maybe could be scientifically proven if we knew the right questions to ask but a lot of them aren't yet And we're still in process. Well, we definitely are in process.
I mean, I think we've learned a lot. You mentioned the placebo effect. You could even use hypnosis.
And in some ways, this shows what you were alluding to, where we miss a lot of stuff and therefore are unaware of it. And what's interesting, even if a group of people know you're using a placebo, still a significant percentage. will have the same effect as the drug would, or whatever it is you're giving them. So it's a very interesting phenomenon. But what it does show also is that there are mechanisms in the brain that can allow us to do incredible things.
As an example, manipulate our physiology in response to a placebo. And in fact, there are people such as Wim Heof or Tibetan monks who are able to control their body temperature. or other bodily functions that are typically self-regulated, which we have no conscious power over, but they can train themselves to do that. So we do have access, but again, it emphasizes the point you did earlier that it requires practice and intention. And we know that when people engage in repetitive behaviors, that that lays down new neural pathways.
And there's a saying that what fires together, wires together. And this is true. If you were to look at an individual who started playing the violin, as an example, Early on, their brain would look just like a similar age child.
But if you look at 20 or 30 years later after they've been practicing the violin and you measure their homunculus, their sensory homunculus, which outlines the size of different areas that are represented in the somatosensory cortex, you will say that they've gone from, let's say, normal size hand representation as in a child who, as a child who's starting. And now there's massive representation of their hands and their fingers because that information is critical to playing their instrument. And that's why they've significantly developed in size.
And the same gift is available to all of us. I mentioned earlier about manifestation. One, you have to understand what you're already manifesting.
Two, you have to have clarity of what it is you want or your intention. And I use the example that some people will chase after the typical metrics of success and be unhappy, or they may hopefully chase after things that offer meaning and purpose. And oftentimes, if you focus on meaning and purpose, you realize either these things aren't that important to you, or you put them in the right perspective, which means you enjoy them while you have them. but they have no impact on your level of happiness.
If they're gone tomorrow, you're perfectly happy. So that's the other aspect. And then I think the next aspect is, once you've done that, is one, understanding that habits have to be formed.
And so you have to wake up with a practice. And in the book, I outline a six-step practice that I think can be helpful for a lot of people. which is based on our knowledge of mind training, if you will, from neuroscience. But it relates certainly to meditation practice and other practices.
And when these are done repetitively, it does increase the likelihood of manifesting. But I think the other thing is you also have to let go of attachment because people have a tendency to want and to crave. And of course, if it is excessive, then this is a great source of suffering. And it doesn't lead to manifesting what you want. So you have to be able to let go of that attachment.
You also have to be able to be okay with that, where it just doesn't impact you. You've done your best, you've outlined a goal, but at some point you let attachment to having that goal leave you. Yeah, when you talked about the story of the young woman whose parents immigrated from Sri Lanka, And she wanted to go to medical school and become a doctor.
And she sort of shifted away from craving that outcome to visualizing the people that she could help. I thought that was a really cool sort of perspective shift when it comes to this idea of manifesting. And in the section on the miserliness of the brain, this... statement really really um stopped me in my tracks when i was reading the book you said if the brain is not sufficiently familiar with your goal it will reject it by default and then you talked about the power of visualization so maybe we can we can combine that story with the power of visualization and talk about how to properly visualize it's not about visualizing the million dollars in the portion this than that but it's really about taking it further to what you want to do with that, how you can help people, how you can serve, what's the sort of greater purpose. And then how do you visualize this in a real world practical way?
Sure. So getting back to Anul's story, this young lady from Sri Lanka, her challenge was that her parents were immigrants. They were very poor. They'd given up a middle-class life because of trauma in their country.
And they were here in the United States, and she felt she had to perform for her family, which meant her becoming a doctor. Because in her culture, being a doctor was a respected, highly paying position. And the problem was that it wasn't so much about being the doctor and caring for people.
It was she wanted this to make her parents happy. But that could be simply substituted, I want a Porsche. She wanted something that felt very important just to her. It wasn't about the id, it was about her. And when she shifted her perspective, she saw the world in a completely different way.
She actually did really want to be a doctor. She really did want to help people, but she was so distracted because of this imperative that she felt she had. And that created a lot of anxiety because she knew she had to perform to make her parents happy. When she shifted her perspective to focusing on, I want to do this to care for people, the very nature of doing that.
resulted in her physiology working its best. Heer blood pressure decreased, and it was like a meditative practice. Heer heart rate decreased. She was present. She wasn't distracted by all the rumination of her not achieving, and that allowed for her ultimately to get into medical school.
And I will report to you that she graduated, and she's now in a residency and is very happy. And in fact, she studied psychiatry, interestingly enough. But this idea of visualization is very important. As I said, what fires together, wires together.
And this is the nature of habit formation. And one has to have repetition combined with intention to lay down the neural pathways for one to maximally manifest the best they can or have the potential to do. So. what this means is you have to engage all of your senses.
We identify ourselves and know who we are by all the sensory information that comes into us. Now, the interesting thing about that, there's probably 10 million bits of information that come in every second, which is associated with homeostasis of bodily function, but only about 50 to 100 bits do we have conscious perception of, and this relates back to what you said earlier about missing stuff. Because reality is there's stuff going around all the time that you don't even see because your attention is focused elsewhere. So one is in terms of visualization, you use most, if not all, of your sensory organs. As an example, you write it down.
So you're using your hand to write it down. You read the writing silently. You read the writing aloud. You close your eyes and you dream or see yourself in that position.
And each time you do that and engage multiple senses to do it, and each time you do the practice itself, those strengthen these neural pathways and make them more salient and embed them into your subconscious. So you can consciously embed information into your subconscious, but it has to be done in the manner. that I just described. And once that is embedded, this has an impact on what we call your default mode network, which is self-referential, is associated with the image you're creating of yourself. And once that image gets clarified, or that intention, then this activates what we call your salience network.
You have now made it salient to your brain, and meaning that It smells it. It's attracted to it. And once that happens, then your attention network is focused on that goal.
And as I use in the book, a metaphor of once the intention has been placed in the file cabinet, the bloodhound smells it and then starts looking everywhere for any hint related to that intention. But again, it activates the attention network to do so. And then once that happens, you're always attuned to any possibility of what you're trying to manifest occurring.
Okay. And there's a professor, Scott Galloway, who's doing the podcast circuit right now. And he talks a lot about how following your passion is bullshit. And what he's basically saying is that in order to have an optimized life, you want to just pick something and just... Be masterful at that by just doing it over and over and over, which is fine, neither here nor there.
You say, pursue your goal passionately. And you open that chapter with a Deepak Chopra quote, which I love. Always go with your passions. Never ask yourself if it's realistic or not. Find the place inside of yourself where nothing is impossible.
So can you flesh this concept out of pursue your goal passionately? Well, I think when Dr. Galloway is talking, you know, like everything, it has to be in context and have to understand the point. Obviously, we have to eat. We have to have shelter.
We have to have security. Well, if you decide that you're going to hand carve small figurines out of wood for 20 hours a day, Unless you have a remarkable sales force, you're probably going to starve. And so, you know, while this person may be pursuing their goal passionately, unless they find a benefactor or change what they're doing, they're not going to have a happy life.
Now, you could argue their life is perfectly happy. They're doing their thing. And if they die, well, they die.
Well, that's a narrative. But in general, I think that. What he's trying to emphasize is that you should be thoughtful, and if it's not a passion or love of yours that will sustain you beyond just your pleasure, you have to find some other things to connect it with, period. And that's true of everybody. That being said, I think in an ideal world, you should pursue the thing that makes you happy and joyful.
uh because then it really contributes and so if everyone had the opportunity to do that i think that would be uh uh wonderful it's just not uh reality right um when you published your first book into the magic shop that that became a runaway bestseller and i'm curious how did that happen i mean i'm not saying that obviously it resonated with the readers you But there are a lot of authors who publish books who, you know, are really wonderful. But did you experience some happy synchronicity, coincidence that got it reviewed by a certain source that shot it to the stratosphere? Heow did that, how do you see that in hindsight?
Well, again, if you look at my own history, fundamentally, it's one of chronic manifestation. in many cases against all odds. But you see, in some ways, it's like compassionate intention. If you walk the world carrying that, it's present with you all the time. You're no longer, this is like mastery of a topic.
When you master something, whether it's running, whether it's riding a bike, whatever it is, when you master it and become elite, you live and breathe it. It's no longer a thought because you've laid down those narrow paths. with and they're so strong that they're constantly there. It's like muscle memory in many ways. So when you walk in the world with compassion or this idea of manifesting, it is always with you and it becomes automatic in terms of how you think, how you see the world, how you respond to the world.
So you asked me about my own manifestation and how I got here. Is that correct? Well, I was asking really about your first book. As a manifestation advocate, let's connect the dots to this real world experience.
Were you visualizing yourself? So Into the Magic Shop is interesting, frankly, because one, I had no interest in writing a book. I had been approached by two or three different literary agents wanting me to write a book, or in fact, even telling me I didn't really have to write it.
They would get somebody to write it. for me. And I just didn't have the time and wasn't interested in focusing on that. And these are people who had either watched some videos or come to some of my lectures.
What happened, interestingly enough, to show you the nature of manifesting, as you know, the Dalai Lama is the founding benefactor of a center I run at Stanford, which studies compassion. But I ultimately became the chairman of the Dalai Lama Foundation. As a result of that...
I ended up meeting spiritual and religious leaders all over the world. And one of those individuals was Desmond Tutu. And I was invited to meet him and attended his 80th birthday party in Cape Town. And a part of that was actually interesting. Hee was the emeritus chaplain or pastor at St. George's Church, but they were having an event for him related to his birthday.
And Bono was there, which was interesting. There were only a couple hundred people. But the second day of his birthday was a book launching event for a book his daughter Impa had done with the journalist, which was like a coffee table with photographs of his life.
But at that event, an individual came up to me and introduced himself. Now, of course, all of us go to events where we don't know anybody. People introduce themselves. You never see or hear from them again, which I thought was the case here.
Except one of the people was a very tall, handsome guy. Hee's probably about six foot seven. So he's taller than me.
And the event ended. I went back to California. I was given a lecture at Stanford for the center I run. And I look out in the audience, and this guy is in the audience.
And I'm going, wow, that is weird. And I went to speak with him, but the woman stopped me and asked me a question. Hee was gone. Heappened a second time, essentially the exact same thing.
The other thing that then happened was that a friend of mine had a book launch of a book he had done and asked me if he could use my house because I had just built it and he was living in an apartment. So I said, sure. So I ended up saying. I agreed to this and I did not make the guest list.
One of the members on that list turned out to be a literary agent. And it came up to me and it turned out that was the exact same guy I met in Cape Town. And he was telling me the story about how his father was his hero and that he had shared some videos that I had done with his father.
And as a result of that. And he wanted me to do a book with him so he could give it as a gift to his father because his father was ill. And this was sort of something he really wanted to share with him.
And so I didn't even think about it. I just said, OK, I'll do it. And it turned out that he was a literary agent to Desmond, to Mandela, and to Richard Branson.
So. So I did not know this. I didn't Google him or anything. I just said I would do it. And of course, that led to a wonderful collaboration.
And he was very involved in the book proposal. And we worked together on an outline, and he helped edit it, or at least his assistant by the name of Lama Love ended up helping edit it and contribute a lot to it. And that's where it came from.
So did I manifest it? Probably on some level, I had been thinking about writing a book because people had asked me to do it, and I had a very clear image about it, but I just let it sit there. And the thing is, some of these things, when you embed them into your subconscious, they don't have a timeline on them. I don't dictate when things happen, nor exactly how they happen.
But as you see in that instance, it did happen, but not in any way as I would have imagined it. But I also have things I've been working on with great intention for 10, 15 years, and they haven't manifested. But I have what I would call dispositional optimism, where I always have a positive belief that what I wish to have happen will happen.
And so for me, it's not that they are not going to happen. It's just not necessarily on my timeline. Heey, really quickly, if you like this content or if you don't like it, let me know down in the comments because your likes and comments are going to help me learn what you want more of. And then that way I can keep bringing you the good stuff.
All right. Thanks so much for your feedback and back to the show. Yeah.
One of the things that I got from reading your book is you have, you, you, you, it appears as I don't know you personally. Okay. So, but you have a generosity of spirit. You talked about getting hundreds of emails every month related to, into the magic shop.
And then that woman, a new. She apparently Googled medical school magic or something like that. And that that initiated a conversation with you, which, you know, I've written books.
I had people reach out to me and I've told myself I don't have time to respond to all these people. But like making the time to respond and just showing up in these little ways, I think that's what you're talking about when it comes to compassion. And I would say and I'm not a scientist, but I would say there is an absolute connection between. doing those little things and having some of the bigger things that you're personally wanting to do to help make the world a better place manifest a lot easier.
And also understanding that it's process. It's not about doing it one time, taking one leap of faith. having one conversation. This needs to become a lifestyle.
I think you've summarized it completely. I mean, look, does it take time to answer an email? Yes. In fact, frankly, probably 80% of the ones I answer from a real life perspective are a waste of my time. You never know when that one is going to end up in your next book.
When that Nigerian prince sends me a note asking for me to help them. extract millions of dollars. That's the one I always respond to. Getting back to your question. Yeah, I mean, think about that statement.
Heow would you feel if you go to get your, you know, pre-med letter of recommendation, and a person looks at you and tells you, giving you an appointment's a complete waste of everyone's time? I mean, how horrible, how dismissive, how demeaning. And sometimes...
the smallest act has incredible impact and it's something that people will remember for the rest of their lives. I mean, people, you know, don't necessarily remember the time when they had everything and they were just partying. The details they remember is when they're really suffering and they absolutely need something. I've had people say to me, in some ways, what you were saying, I don't have time to do it.
you know, there are a gazillion of them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they just ignore them. And have you ever heard that story about the starfish? Yeah.
The little boy throwing them back into the ocean. Yeah. Well, in many ways, we're talking the same thing here.
You can't predict how one action of yours might change the world or change someone's life. And yes, it can be overwhelming. And when somebody simply says, oh, Dr. Dilley, I just want to thank you. You know, you wrote a great book.
I don't need to do anything with that. I appreciate it. Or if they say, hey, I know you're busy, but if you have time, I'd just like to chat with you. I don't have time. But if a woman sits there and says, I'm writing you because my son is dead.
he was a drug addict his girlfriend injected him with fentanyl he overdosed it died his girlfriend was just released from jail after seven years uh we want to set up a foundation uh would you mind talking to us for five what do you do with that uh or as an example after uh the shooting of these children i can't remember uh uh where there have been so many but this was where uh what's his name the ant for wars alex jones has you know uh made a horrible sandy hook yeah well you know after this two parents reached out to me i mean Heow could you not respond? Now, you could say, well, yeah, there are a lot of those who will be spending their life doing that. That's not such a bad thing.
So I do take the time. I scan through them or have others scan through them. And the ones that are particularly poignant or it's felt that I might contribute something, then I try to answer them.
do I answer every one of them? No, not always, but I try the best I can. So, you know, ignoring these types of things, sure, you can do that.
I know guys who have all their social media stuff done by somebody else. Every email is answered by somebody else. What the fuck is that?
I mean, that's not you. Just don't answer anything then, but don't try to pretend. that you're something you're not.
Can you share the story of the wealthy Heolocaust survivor that you met in Aspen? Just to kind of give a juxtaposition to this. When people do, when they hear this and they go, okay, well, I don't want to be that way anymore.
But then you really put it to the test and yeah, to share the story, because I think that's a really cool way to kind of confront people on what they really have going on inside. Yeah, I was in Aspen giving a talk, and I will also preface the statement because then some people may get mad at me, but... You know, you have these extraordinarily wealthy people ask you to speak, but it's as if you're the newest animal in the zoo.
They don't necessarily have any interest in what you're doing. They just want to say, I have the party or cocktail party or whatever for this person. But as soon as the idea of them actually making the donation or doing something more than that, they get terrified.
They pull away and they don't talk to you anymore because. on some level, I can understand why, because they're always approached for money. But that being said, if you ask somebody to do something for you, and it's not necessarily that everything is quid pro quo, but just reasonableness would say, you know, I like the guy, I like what he's doing, I'm inviting him here. You know, I'd love to donate to his cause, because I think what he's doing is a good thing.
But I've even had people, I say, you know, look, you're super wealthy. Why don't you, you don't have to do anything for me. Find something that you care about and invest your time and money into it because that's what will make you happy.
But oftentimes they don't. But getting back to our friend in Aspen. So there's a fellow I was asked to speak and there was an after party at this extraordinarily wealthy guy's home.
And you know, it's hard to imagine a home that costs 30 or $50 million, but this was one of those massive houses in which he lives by himself. It must be 20,000 square feet. And so at this party, he and I start chatting. And one of the first things he does is I look at my watch, I think for the time or something, and then he pulls out his watch.
Hee says, see this? And I said, yeah, that's really a nice watch. Hee says something like, well, that cost a million dollars.
And I'm like, okay. And Anyway, this conversation went on. And then he said, let me show you something.
Because somehow we started talking about cars or something. So he takes me out to his car garage. And there's a Ferrari and a G-Wagon and a Mercedes, et cetera. And I think he said, you know, there's $3.5 million in the garage there. And so anyway, he starts going on about how unhappy he is.
And he's never felt he's found true love. And he would love to find. And this guy's in his 80s. Hee's a Heolocaust survivor.
and a widow. And he, I think he even said he was never in love with his wife, etc., etc. So he's going on and on about this.
And I said to him, I said, listen, if you spend 10 sessions with me one hour at a time, I will guarantee that you will find happiness. And he looks at me and goes, really you think you can do that kid is that possible he said yes i said i absolutely guarantee it so um uh he says well how much will that cost and i said it'll cost a million dollars and he goes what and he goes i don't have that kind of money and then his uh his daughter had or a granddaughter had been overhearing this and uh you know she gets on a conversation and we tell her what she said and she goes papa you Papa, Papa, you should do that. If this guy can guarantee you happiness, et cetera, et cetera.
And she's pleading with him. And he sort of pushes her away and says, silly girl, she knows nothing about money. You know, I need to save my money for her. And, you know, she's already been given millions of dollars.
So then he looks at me and says, well, will you do it for $500,000? And so now he's negotiating when he has essentially unlimited wealth, negotiating for something that he says is the most important thing that he wants to experience before he dies. And this is unfortunately the nature of delusion.
And people create narratives. And it's it's you can't even imagine. I mean, and it's sad because wealthier people, unfortunately. because they don't need anyone to survive in this world, meaning that you don't have to be courteous to everyone, you don't have to be nice, because there's always a person you can pay to replace them.
And this is why, when studies have been done, unfortunately, extraordinarily wealthy people, who you would think would be the most generous people in the world, because they should have gratitude for what they've been able to achieve, but they become less. empathetic or less empathic and actually are the lowest level or at the lowest level of giving per amount of wealth that they have. Yeah. And when you told that, when I first heard that story, what I wondered was, is that something you pitched before to anyone?
Or did you just sort of intuit that this is what is going to get this person's attention is charging him a million dollars for these 10 sessions? Yeah, I wanted to see if he was serious. And again, first of all, a million dollars would certainly benefit the work I'm doing.
Uh, but it also, uh, shows you how attached she is to money. And that's what he's focused on. It's not about doing good in the world.
It's simply about, uh, I have the biggest, whatever it is, the biggest house. The other fascinating thing was as you entered his house, there was, the guy's probably about five, eight or nine. Uh, and I say that because as you enter the house, there's a massive painting of him holding a set of skis.
in a ski sweater. It's probably $60 more in this painting. And you just look at it and you go, who does this?
But again, it's a very narcissistic self-absorber. And it's a guy who, out of his own fears, his own insecurities, is trying to get external affirmation to make himself feel better about himself. Would you mind revealing sort of the gist of what you would have, if he had accepted your offer, the gist of what you would have kind of put him through?
You don't have to go into detail, but just, would it be mindfulness training or would it be compassion training? Well, one would be to get him out of his fear state, right? Which is engagement of a sympathetic nervous system. And because that's what's driving him to show me his watch and his... wealth.
And so it's to make him understand that he's living in a constant fear state. And as a result, you're not more generous, you're not more kind, and you're very self-oriented. So one is to use mind training techniques, and mindfulness would be a part of it, to get him out of that state.
And then to have him experience what love really is, which generally equates with happiness. And what I mean by that is having him sit with an image of that person, his life, who's made him feel most comfortable, most self-assured. And that's typically your mother, being with your mother and just experiencing the goodness and the innocence and the kindness associated with that.
And then giving examples of people. who've done simple things to change people's lives and how both in the context of one's emotions, but also in regard to their physiology, makes them understand the value proposition of those behaviors. And once that switch clicks, actually people go on a rampage of being kind and thoughtful, and they become happier by those actions themselves. Okay, beautiful. So you list a lot of practices in the book.
And so there's lots of resources for people to engage in some of these tools that you're mentioning by purchasing your book. And you're now part of the wellness community. Once you start talking about manifestation and magic and all that, you are part of the wellness community. I don't care if you're a neurosurgeon. And I'm sure you have heard claims from really popular people in the wellness community that you think to yourself, that's such bullshit, right?
What are some of these false claims that get repeated and echoed so much in this community that as a neurosurgeon and scientist and researcher, you think to yourself, you guys are not as informed as you think you are? Well. Well, before I answer that question, let me just say you shouldn't have to buy my book. It will probably hopefully be in a library near you or you can check it out.
They also have Audible books as well as the written books. And if you are going to buy the book, buy it from bookshop.org, which is an affiliation between all the independent bookstores so that they benefit instead of companies like Amazon. So that's what I would. suggest or borrow it from somebody.
But here's the challenge is, and in some ways, it was what we're talking about earlier about religion. There's certain fundamental truths about how our physiology works, and these have been recognized, but because of lack of knowledge. They carry baggage with them, typically, of that culture.
And so you can go back to the first and second century, the Heermetics, and on up to the sort of the period of New Thought, and most recently to Rhonda Byrne, in terms of all these narratives that, one, define something called the Law of Attraction. And it's basically what energy you put out, you get back, there's a universe out there, and the universe cares about you, and it's waiting for these positive thoughts to emanate. from you and the universe will absorb it and reward you. And as I stated earlier, I mean, that's complete bullshit. The other aspect is that in some ways it can result in a guilt narrative, like, well, the reason it didn't happen is because you really didn't want it that bad or you didn't deserve it.
So now it's victim shaming. And all of this is completely untrue. Again, if somebody wants to apply woo-woo and make statements like, have you ever heard of the flying spaghetti monster? Okay.
There are certain tenets that are essentially present in almost every religion. And so this group of scientists decided to use that information to create their own religion. So it's called the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And there's a whole origin story in how the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world.
And it's typically depicted as a colander, you know, like for holding spaghetti. And the spaghetti's overflowing. So in fact, because of freedom of religion, there was an individual who got his driver's license picture wearing a spaghetti colander on his head.
because that's his religious practice. My point being that, you know, you can say anything you want. And if you understand it's all made up, but it's like placebo effect.
Even though you know it's not true and you get something out of it, I'm all for it. But don't act like that is truth when it's not whatsoever. So, you know, I would say that it's... this idea about chasing after what you want, the problem with that is that it's not helpful and it's a dead end.
And that's what I don't like about The Secret, because it plays into, in many ways, the Western capitalist narrative of chasing success, meaning that somehow... will make you happy and getting those things, all the things I want. Or comfort, yeah. Yeah, it's not going to make you feel whole. And the problem is, if you look, unfortunately, how our society has been structured, it is all about me.
In fact, there was even an educational initiative that said, okay, if there's a race, every kid who entered should be given an award. Well, that's ridiculous. Life doesn't work that way.
Whether I like it or you like it, they're winners, they're losers. And that's just it. And to be a winner or to achieve requires practice, habit formation, showing up every day. Then you develop neural pathways, and then that allows you to win the race.
It's not like laying in bed in the morning and go, well, all those other guys are practicing, but I'm just going to lay here because I'm just waiting to get my medal. Then that's not going to happen. And so we created, unfortunately, a generation of children who feel very entitled for doing nothing. But as a result, somehow people think that, well, I'm just going to sit here and everything's going to manifest. But, you know, you have to practice and you have to show up.
So this self-focused narrative, because it only... activates the sympathetic nervous system and plays into people's fears and anxieties and insecurities, that's not going to help them. They need to be focused on understanding what they really want, and that's to be of service because that will activate all the positive mechanisms in their brain and in their bodies to be their best selves. And by doing so, you can get all the other stuff if you really want it at that point.
And listen, I tell people I'm not anti-materialistic. I drive a Porsche. I live in a very nice house. My point is, though, if all of that is gone tomorrow, It's okay.
I have thoroughly enjoyed it. I have appreciated it. I have much gratitude for it.
But if it's not there, that's practically fine. My mental state will not change whatsoever. And finally, if there is one thing that we could practice speech-wise, whether it's words of affirmation or something, just something every, because we tend to be a bit negative in our communication. You ask someone how they're doing, I can't complain, right?
Is there something from your body of work or your research that we can implement today speech-wise that can make a little bit of a tiny difference if we keep practicing it over and over and over when it comes to this idea of manifesting? Or not saying, maybe not saying. Well, one thing I do not say is I cannot, because as soon as you say that, that does become reality. The other thing is everything is possible. And then I do a practice that emphasizes many of the things that I've talked about and that arose as a result of a lecture I gave to the incoming medical students at my medical school, which is called the alphabet of the heart.
I don't know if you recall that from the end of the book. So what I do every day is. And there's also a lot of evidence related to neuroscience evidence about the power of joy and awe.
And so what I do is I sit by the side of my bed. I do a breathing exercise to more shift me, if you will, into the parasympathetic mode, although usually most of the time I'm there. And then I think of the joy and awe of being in this world.
And I sit with those thoughts and feel very good about the beauty of the world. being present in the world. And then I go through 10 letters of the alphabet, which is called the alphabet of the heart, which you can find in my first book, Into the Magic Shop. And I start with C, compassion for self and others. D, recognizing the dignity of every person.
E, practicing equanimity or evenness of temperament, even in times of up. pain and suffering, or even times of elation, always trying to maintain this evenness of temperament and not get lost in the extremes. Practicing forgiveness, because you know when we carry anger and hostility associated with a person or an event, that only punishes us. We have to forgive, but that doesn't mean to forget. And then next is having gratitude, simply for being present in this world and what we have received.
Healf of the world's population lives on less than $2.50 a day. I have immense gratitude and feel very blessed to be in the position that I am in. He, humility. No one is more important than anyone else.
We're all equal. I recognize, as an example, as a physician, whether it's the nurses, the orderlies, the people who mop the floors, them doing their job is just as important as me succeeding at my job. And they allow me to succeed at my job.
And I have immense appreciation of individuals who work together to accomplish something to help people. I is integrity or values that bounds your behavior, how you see the world, how you see yourself interacting with the world, how should others interact in the world. J is justice, our responsibility for caring for the vulnerable because of our elevated positions in many ways. And then K for kindness, which has nothing to do with suffering per se, but she's being a nice human being. All of this is contained by love.
So that's my morning practice that starts my day. And hopefully that centers me for the day. Beautiful. That's a great place to wrap it up. The book is Mind Magic, the Neuroscience of Manifestation and Heow it Changes Everything.
I thought it was the perfect blend of memoir and research and practices. So job well done on that. I also, just on a personal note, I love the conclusion. I got a bit emotional reading about that and the one of the two photos that you still have from your childhood and what that represents to you. So that was a great way to end it.
And thank you so much for making the time to come on and share more of your story. Well, thank you. And just to say to your listeners. Every day, each of us, regardless of our circumstance, have the ability to improve the life of at least one person, even if it's just saying hello.
Take care, my friend. I wish you the best, and thank you for having me. Absolutely.
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