Lecture Notes: The Power of Deep Questions

Introduction

Speaker's Challenge: Engage in an experiment by asking a stranger, "When was the last time you cried in front of someone?"
Audience Reaction: No immediate interest shown; perceived as intimidating.
Purpose: Demonstrate the value of deep questions in improving life quality.

Context: Communication issues with the speaker's wife after 20 years of marriage.
Problem: Emotional and practical conversations mismatched; speaker needed empathy, wife offered advice.
Insight from Researchers:
- Communication involves multiple types of conversations.
- Three Types of Conversations:
  1. Practical: Focus on solutions and actions.
  2. Emotional: Sharing feelings and seeking empathy.
  3. Social: Relating to identity and social connections.
- Matching Principle: Effective communication requires aligning conversation types.

Teachers' Strategy: Ask students what they need (help, hug, or being heard).
Challenge in General Contexts: Asking directly may not always be feasible outside school.

Definition: Questions that explore values, beliefs, and experiences.
Examples:
- Instead of factual questions, ask about experiences and feelings.
- Focus on how people feel about their lives to reveal true selves.

Background: Prostate cancer surgeon in NYC.
Issue: Patients insisted on surgery despite medical advice against it.
Solution: Start with deep questions to understand patients' true concerns.
Outcome: Patients chose recommended active surveillance after connecting emotionally.

Experiment Details: Conducted by Nick Epley at University of Chicago.
Common Reactions: Initial reluctance but results in positive connection experiences.
Findings: Participants felt deeply connected and had meaningful conversations.

Benefits: Enhances connection and understanding; allows real conversations.
Relevance: In a polarized world, these skills are crucial for effective communication.
Call to Action: Encourage practicing deep questions to foster connections.