Understanding Family Dynamics and Trauma

Sep 22, 2024

Family Systems and Adverse Childhood Experiences

Introduction

  • Family Systems Model: Focuses on family dynamics, especially in families with adverse childhood experiences.
  • Key Rules in Dysfunctional Families:
    • No Talk
    • No Trust
    • No Feel

Functional vs. Dysfunctional Family Systems

  • Functional Family Systems:
    • Emphasize development and enhancement of self and others.
    • Offer nurturing, supportive environments that teach basic communication skills.
  • Problematic Family Systems:
    • Lead to costs for self and others.
    • Love may still exist but with underlying troubling issues.
    • Lack of skills to address issues perpetuates problems.

Generational Patterns

  • Patterns, such as addiction or violence, can be passed down through generations.
  • These patterns can be both biological and environmental.

Communication Skills

  • Importance of learning to connect to oneself.
  • Exercise: "What's going on inside of me? How do I label it and express it?"
  • In problematic family structures, issues and feelings are often not discussed.
    • Lack of communication skills makes addressing issues difficult.

Examples Illustrating Strong No-Talk Rule

  • Example 1: A friend's traumatic experience driving as a child, family never discussed it.
    • Result: Trauma led to never driving again.
  • Example 2: Claudia Black’s experience with a family incident, boyfriend noticed but she enforced no-talk.
    • Result: Relationship ended due to enforced silence.

The "No Feel" Rule

  • Emotions (anger, sadness, grief) are blocked due to discomfort.
  • Without guidance, children learn to suppress emotions.

The "No Trust" Rule

  • Unpredictable parental behavior generates chaos.
  • Example of a parent disrupting a child's activity unexpectedly, causing mistrust.

Summary

  • Dysfunctional family systems often exhibit rigid rules and chaotic dynamics.
  • Addressing these patterns requires skills often not taught or nurtured in such environments.

Note: The lecture will continue in the third video clip.