The The The Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm the king of La la la dee Thank you. The castle arena must be properly cut. It's a full-time job.
There's a night of sleep, and a thousand wounds The world is turning into a bird, blowing its wings, a hard face We're gonna need more barbarians There's someone safe! Oh Oh Rally your clans and prepare for Clan War Leagues. Eight clans enter, one clan leaves. He said eight mice blinder, one slice cheese. Two men on the way because of shame.
One slice cheese, eight mice number. One slice cheese, eight mice number. One slice cheese.
Ooh, turn them away. Hugg, I just heard about these friendly challenges where you can attack your best friend. Now why would anyone want to attack their best friend? La la la la Elders of the Cowboy Clan Clan war is upon us La la la la la You missed the spot And we're gonna win this time!
I can't make it unfortunately! Hey guys, you ever wonder what's across the water? Nope.
I wonder how we'd get over there. Hmm... I have a badad's apartment!
Are you kidding me, BananaPants87? I think I got bunions! AAAAAAAA- Hmm... Hmm...
Been wearing impractical shoes! How about after? No, it's gonna be an all day thing. Can somebody fill in?
Why don't we just use that boat? Sup? My Grandfather had bunions. They're serious business. I got your back, BananaPants87.
I'll do it for the clan. For the Buttons! House of war You built a dream made out of clay Episode from yesterday You build it up, they tear it down Maybe it's...
What did you build for the party? Blah! College, the Goblin Party Cannon! I could totally reinvent myself! Back home, I'm Hog Rider, the epic warrior with a great voice who demolishes castles with his hammer.
But in the new land... You stuff 14 to 17 goblins in a cannon and boom! Hours of enjoyment. Only boogers! One man can stop this hair.
Builder. Builder. I could be a new man.
I'd call myself Chaz. My neighbor would say, hey, Chaz. And I'd say nothing, because I forgot that's my new name. But when I got to my new job as a gardener, I'd smile, because he called me Chaz.
Fly, baby dragon, fly. Tell the builder that we're sorry. Time's turned just like the tide.
As you search for who you are inside, but they need you back in your hometown. It's time to leave this cuckoo town. So go on your way. Go on your way.
BABABILLY! Fly like an eagle Before they blow it to the ground So go on your way Get on the baby dragon Fly on the baby dragon Go on your way Beast mix like cannon That thing is pro- Maggots, if you wanna sleep, go be a builder! I actually got up earlier than you did.
Just didn't want to embarrass you. Are we doing brunch after this? I think I slept on an arrow.
Fuck! No offense, but you guys are terrible. Let me show you how it's done. Huh?
Hey! Yes! That's just annoying. I have to pay for these crows.
Pet. What do you mean? Do you get it? I don't get it. Good thing we got a place.
So much for teamwork. You! What's your name, Archer?
Jenny. Ma'am. Well, I've never seen such selfish behavior on the training field.
I need an army to win battles, not a hot shot maverick. With all due respect, you just hang back shouting orders and lobbing arrows with your fancy crossbow while troops like me get our hands dirty. Is that so?
But how's this for an order? Fall in line or I'll make sure you spend the rest of your career scrubbing my slab with a toothbrush! That's not what a toothbrush is for.
It's in the name. Tooth. Ugh.
Uhhh? Who does Jenny think she is? If I ever spoke to a superior that way, I'd have been turned into hog slop!
So what if Jenny's a little arrogant? The best troops usually are. Sir!
Ladies, sir! Intel just got word about... Bacon Breakers, a village that hasn't emptied their gold or elixir storages in months. It's all just sitting there, aching for the bacon taken.
Tonight, our village grows richer. Sound the battle horn! Battle horn!
Go, Bo! Go! Battle horn! Okay, ladies. Bacon Breakers is heavily defended.
But the riches inside are worth the fight! So just remember your training, and follow my-AAAAAAAA-Jenny! What are you doing?
Get back here at once! That's an order! You disobeyed orders, you put yourself and others in danger, and... And I kicked some major butt, so... Unless you have a point, I'm gonna get some rest.
Some of us are exhausted from actually fighting. The yeas have it! This clan hereby recognizes that only donating poison spells is officially lame!
Woo! I like poison spells! Yeah. Aww... Now the next order of business.
Inca from the village of Kitten Lover 5 requests the donation of two barbarians, a giant, and a pecker. I will donate the barbs and giant, but instead of a pecker... Save your breath.
I need a pecker. I'll donate Jenny the Archer. Why is she giving her away? I have no use for reckless lone wolves. Very well, then.
Jenny will hereby be donated to the village of Kitten Lover 5. May I again? You just gave up your star troop. No backsies.
You have to fulfill your donation or your village gets kicked out of the clan. It's a deal. The troops and Jenny the Archer will be delivered to Kitten Lover 5 post haste. You can fix it. You're a builder.
Baa, baa, baa! Baa, baa, baa! Baa, baa, baa!
Baa, baa, baa! Baa, baa, baa! You're nothing without me, okay?
Kiss this bow goodbye! Mwah! You're only supposed to have one carry-on.
I have what I have! Okay, okay. I was told that I can only have one.
That's not easy for me. I mean... Just one of my giant shirts. If anyone should be allowed an extra piece of carry-on, it should be a giant.
I'm not asking for special treatment, just what's fair. And in this case, special is fair. If that sounds bad, I'm sorry, but it's the truth.
Outlaws, we're under attack! Train robbers! Mush, you boneheads! Mush! Slow down so we can attack you!
Put your hands and bones in the air! Yeah! Rope the big one first! Ah! I'm telling you, it feels like a weight has been lifted.
Urgent news! We just got a message from Kitten Lover 5. They never received Jenny! What?
They'll kick us out of the clan, and we'll never survive out in the cold, clanless world. Could I take a steam with you guys to deal with this horrible news? No!
Come on, I already have my shirt off. Where am I? What do you want from me? For now, I just want you to listen.
Do you want to know how I got this scar? Not really, that's kinda gross. I got it from this.
Oww! Your arrow, it hit me right in the face. Wrong. If it hit you right in the face, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now.
Would you just? You're very annoying, do you know that? Hmm.
Well, you are. You're the reason us bacon breakers are so low on troops that our village has resorted to robbing donation trains. I had to turn all our hog riders into hog rider outlaws. He gave us all bandanas.
So what? Am I, like, a prisoner now? A prisoner?
Oh, heavens no. We're outlaws, not monsters. Well, mostly.
Those guys are monsters. We sent a ransom note to your old village demanding a reasonable ransom for your safe return. One billion gold? Is that even a real number?
Are you sure it's not a misprint? Yes, sir. Billion with a B. Like in barbarian or in the letter B. What are we going to do?
We can't afford to pay Jenny's ransom and we certainly can't take her back by force because, well... Because we're ironically too weak without her. My point is, if we don't find a way to donate that stupid archer, this village will be banished by the clan.
We'll be clannished. Nobody is getting clannished. We'll just explain the situation and reason with them, like mature adults. Ooh, I can't wait to see how this affects me, the protagonist of my reality. Let's go, let's go.
Order! Order! This emergency meeting has been called by Sophia. I would never call an emergency meeting unless the circumstances were extremely dire.
And I'm afraid they are. Yeah, they're dire, alright. I still haven't received your donation of Jenny the Archer. I want my Archer! Yes!
Order! Wow! Well, I'm afraid I have some very terrible news. Jenny the Archer, while on her way to her new home, was kidnapped! Yeah, I'll bet she was.
Kidnapped by you, maybe! Yeah! What's she saying?
That doesn't- Doesn't even make sense. I'm here because someone took Jenny. Meaning I don't have her.
Meaning I can't honor the donation we agreed to. Okay, time for plan B. I got this.
It's true, dear clan. While we may not have Jenny, we do have the next best thing to donate to you. 40 goblins!
This is insane! What? You think you can fool anyone?
40 goblins? Nobody wants 40 goblins! Yeah!
Get it! All right, you two, enough of the goblin dancing and obfuscation. Yeah, I use the word obfuscation, okay? Get over it.
You have 24 hours to honor your donation or you're out of the clan. Ah, settling in, I see. No offense, but your archers couldn't hit the broadside of a golem. She thinks she is.
So annoyed. Now, now, Jenny, perhaps instead of insulting them, you could help them. That would be a waste of all our time. What? I see.
Well, unless your village coughs up a billion in gold... This is your new home, so... Speaking of which, this place is a dump. Here's a list of things you need to upgrade. This village was a beautiful, thriving community until someone brutally attacked us.
It wasn't someone. It was me. I want the credit. 40 goblins?
What were you thinking? We're struggling just to find them places to sleep. Get in there! Also, petty theft... is up 6,000%.
That's more than twice as much. Okay, I'm feeling a bit attacked right now. Well, I'm not going to take this sitting down. I think it's time I pay Bacon Breaker's village a little visit.
You really think you can talk them out of one billion gold? Good luck. Oh, I don't need luck. I'm a master negotiator. Do you like goblins?
Everyone likes goblins, right? I will give you 39 goblins for that archer. Well, I'm even willing to go to 40. How can you turn down a deal like that, huh?
Like this? No. Fine! You leave me no choice.
I'll just have to send my army in and take her by force! Ha! Your best troop fights for me now! We'd make mincemeat out of you and your pitiful army!
You know what? You don't deserve a troop as good as Jenny! Huh? What did I do to deserve this? Hey!
What did I do to deserve this? You could have had a great life here, but you just couldn't stop being a pain in my clash. So now you're going to sit here until your ransom comes in.
Oh great. Now I'm going to die alone in a dungeon. Just like that guy. I'm not dead. Easy there, Scream Queen.
I was just meditating. They're named Sigmund. Jenny, what are you in for?
What am I not in for, am I right? No, but seriously. I'm a monster. You look like a good kid, though. How did you end up here?
I guess it all really started when I was small. I never had anyone growing up, you see, so I guess I've just always wanted to be a part of something. I've always wanted to be wanted. I feel so hollow. No offense, I think hollow looks good on you.
mm-hmm. Me? Not so much.
mm-hmm. mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mommy!
What's up with the goblins? Oh, they're doing great. They're starting to forget just a little bit that they're...
GOBLINS! And not MINERS! Or other troops!
Oh, I've got problems too. I work as hard as I can, I go above and beyond, I dedicate every waking moment to being the best, and look where it's gotten me! Well, them's the breaks.
By tomorrow morning, we'll be a village without a clan. I don't want to say this was all your fault. So...
Good night. Gunther, you're right. This was all my fault.
So I'm going to fix everything. How exactly do you plan on doing that? We only have a few hours left to honor our donation to Kitten Lover 5. And there's no way we can afford Jenny's ransom. I'm telling you the same thing I said on our first date. This all ends tonight.
It better. I still have them to contend with. They keep trying to be what they're not. You're right, Sigmund. I've brought this all on myself.
There's no I in success, but there are two I's in victorious. I could be twice the warrior I am today if I just start putting the good of the many before the good of the me. I think you just made a breakthrough.
through here, Jenny. And one breakthrough deserves another. Now go. Neither do you.
Just crawl through here. Why haven't you escaped? Simple.
Because I haven't finished paying my debt to society yet. Also, I just love helping people. Oh, my next client has a career ruining case of the yips. Since I stupidly gave Jenny the Archer away, I'll just have to stupidly get Jenny the Archer back. Okay, old lady.
Let's see if you still got it. Okay, my conditioning may need a little work You ever wonder if other villages think we're the bad guys now I never wonder that not even once Hyah! Huh?
Intruder! Intruder! Shh! Shh! Sweet dreams, magic man.
Intruder! Hey there, fellas! Deal me in?
Stick this, dirtbags! Let's cancel next week, okay? Ouch!
Okay, now where is that little dog? Huh? Queen Sophia?
What are you doing here? I came to break you out. Do you have any idea how much trouble you got me in by getting yourself kidnapped? Now come on, we don't have much time. First of all, I don't need your help, okay?
Second, I wouldn't have even been kidnapped if you hadn't donated me. Yeah, well I wouldn't have donated you if you weren't such an arrogant brat. You only think I'm an arrogant brat because you're a washed up old grump! I'll show you washed up! Ooh!
Ah! What the spell? Ah!
You have done nothing but cause me problems since day one! Yeah? I feel like I've had nothing but problems since day one!
What are you talking about? What are YOU talking about? I just wanna be the best!
That's why I go above and beyond and... I know you do, Jenny. And I owe you an apology, because I now realize I try to make you like everyone else. That's the worst thing I could have done with a raw talent like yours. I'm determined to do things right from now on, though.
So what do you say we get out of here and head back home? Home? Yeah, our home. Aww, very heartwarming. But I'm afraid that you two aren't going anywhere because, well, you know why.
Please, we're just nerdy scientists. Our only enemy is ignorance. Hey!
Sorry. Huh? Huh?
Huh? Huh? Ah! Ah!
Ah! Oh crap, that's my best walking leg. Uh.
Uh. Uh. OK, I quit. I quit. How about I give Jenny back and also make dinner for your whole clan?
My pasta fra diavolo is to die for. Pathetic. Ha ha ha!
Yeah! Ow! Oh!
Wait! You didn't let me describe the dessert corn! It's delicious! Nice shot. I know.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks for your help back there. Right back at ya.
That was some pretty good teamwork. Wait. Won't our village get kicked out of the clan if you don't donate me?
This is true. Unless we trade them something else. Yes, those.
Finally, my Archer donation. Yes, sorry for the delay, but I wanted to offer you a better deal. What could be better than the best archer from your village?
How about 40 goblins? No! I still don't want your goblins! You don't want my old goblins, but now you'll be trading up. They're like half goblin half minion.
They're like goblins. Gobliants? Yes, but if you don't want them I'm happy to keep them so...
No, no, no, I'll take them. And my village will rule the skies! That's right. I'm just glad you're on our side. We'd better get out of here fast.
Why? Gunther said the wing glue will hold for five days. No, five minutes! Ah!
Huh? Huh? Ugh, this one keeps whispering in my ear.
Uh-huh. No, I don't want to be your friend.