hello and welcome to this super special video my name is coach adrian and if you're watching this video it's because you want to get back with your ex or with someone you love this video is very different from the ones on our youtube channel it is my gift to you it is the 10 mistakes to avoid when trying to get your ex back when trying to rebuild a relationship now these mistakes that i will share with you are lessons that i've learned over years and years and years of coaching individuals just like you in private coaching sessions over the phone over skype and after having coached thousands of individuals i have seen trends things to avoid in order to maximize your chances of success and that's what this video is all about mistake number one one of the most common mistakes that people make is in regards to timing when trying to reconnect with their significant other after a breakup timing is off and you tend to rush too quickly to convey to them that you want to get back together to want to reconnect to want to communicate before they are ready to hear from you or before you are ready and in the right mindset to communicate with them this is a mistake that happens all the time why because you're still in a very emotional state you love this person you're afraid of losing them and so you want to very quickly reconnect with them but if you act too quickly you're going to end up pushing them away and quite frankly it's going to be a lot more difficult to reach your goal what i've seen is that the process can get more complicated because of mistakes that happen at the time of the breakup or after the breakup not because of everything that happened throughout the relationship and so one way to make sure that you don't make this mistake is by following a simple exercise that i will share with you now i want you to take a step back and i want you to think about your action and behavior since the relationship ended in what ways have you tried to communicate to your significant other that you want to get back together it's very important for you to be thorough in order to see all of the mistakes that you have made in order to learn from them so that your behavior can change appropriately moving forward knowing what you know now i'm sure that a lot of these issues that you will identify are not things that you will do moving forward because you have a lot more information and insights on this process of getting an ex back the second common mistake that people make is letting your fears get the best of you because you are in this emotional mindset you are acting or communicating from a place of fear from a place of vulnerability and as a result of that you can then start to push your significant other away because you're in this state of fear that they're going to forget about you or this fear that they're going to find someone else and the key lesson here is that it is absolutely important and essential for you to regain confidence before taking steps towards your significant other before engaging with them again otherwise if you are taking steps based on from a place of fear or vulnerability you're going to end up pushing them away and this process will be a lot more complicated than it has to so as a second exercise what you can do is go back to your previous list and try to identify which of those actions came from a place of fear and vulnerability and which of those actions actually came from from a place of clarity and from a place of well-being and happiness this should give you more clarity and it's essential for you to accept that the worst has already happened the breakup is behind you and it can only go up from here as long as you're not acting from a place of fear or vulnerability there's a freedom that comes with the realization that we can only go up from here the third mistake that a lot of people make is in thinking that they're going to be able to talk themselves into getting back with their significant other the truth is that actions speak louder than words in this process especially and trying to convey through words that you've changed is not going to cut it what your significant other is seeking is action to prove that you've evolved not just words talking about that evolution and it's very easy when you start watching videos on youtube when you start to share and gain insights as to what has happened in your relationship to want to convey that to your significant other very quickly but you need to internalize what you learn and you need to apply it to your day-to-day life to make sure that you're actually seeking to build new habits that's what can get your significant other to start to believe in your transformation and in your change and there's another exercise that i've developed that i wanted to share with you to help you rebuild those habits so the first step is to try to identify new habits that you need to develop in order to prove to yourself first and foremost right that you're not the same person that they broke up with that you actually have evolved since the breakup so once you've been able to identify these habits that that you need to that you want to develop a second step can be to start to think about how you can develop those habits like what are the steps that you can do to make sure that you follow through on this desire to transform and to evolve a fourth mistake that a lot of people make is waiting indefinitely for their significant other to reach out to them some other coaches on social media some other resources may tell you to wait at all cost in order to maintain a certain hold on the power dynamic but by doing so you may actually be missing out on many opportunities to be able to reconnect with your significant other just because they're not reaching out to you does not mean that they don't miss you just because they're reaching not reaching out to you does not mean that they're not thinking about you and so it's very important to not be in this mindset of action paralysis that's how i describe this type of mentality because in essence you're waiting too long out of fear of rejection and out of fear of making a mistake and by doing that you're depriving yourself of actually growth and learning because it is through taking steps and action even in the process of reconnecting with your significant other that you can get better at communicating communicating with them and then at having a better sense as to where you actually stand uh in this breakup recovery journey and so an exercise that i want you to think about is the different opportunities that you could organically reconnect with the one you love think in terms of important dates milestones shared interest those can help you connect with your significant other in a way that is non-threatening and not desperate organic in some ways but the point here is to make sure that you don't miss out on opportunities to organically stay take steps towards your significant other a fifth mistake that people make is when they make it all about them because you're in this place of vulnerability it's easy to get overly emotional and to start to talk to your significant other about your wants your desires your emotion and because your significant other is in a different mindset that won't resonate with them and many of the clients that end up making mistakes and pushing their significant other as a result of that are lacking in empathy you're turned inwards and toward yourself instead of looking at your partner their needs and in order to be able to be there to meet those needs and so the fifth exercise that i wanted to share with you was to get you to start thinking about your your ex's needs their desires their fears so that you can start to validate those feelings in the course of conversations as you start to reconnect with them but the key point here again is to make sure that you're not making it all about you and what you want for your future together but really to be turned towards them so that you are ready to meet their needs by raising your level of empathy the sixth mistake that a lot of people make is acting like you need your significant other to be happy of course you may be in a mindset where you feel like you need them to be happy but by doing so all that you're doing is that you're putting them on a pedestal and you're depriving them of this ability to miss you and to take steps towards you and so it's important to point out that it can be quite counterproductive and quite harmful to this process to really act like you need them to be happy the truth is you don't need them to be happy the truth is that this is a false belief and that you can and should be happy without them and that's the only way to put a process an organic process of attraction in place there's nothing attractive about someone that is desperate and that needs you to feel happy so the question that i want to pose to you in this regard is what do you think you need to find a new sense of purpose and for you to be fulfilled and happy again even before getting back with your significant other that is a critical question if you cannot find an answer to this question it's going to be very difficult for you to get your significant other back in your life but if you are able to do so things will start to fall into place you will find that renewed sense of confidence and well-being and happiness and in turn your attraction power is going to be greatly impacted by this process the seventh mistake that a lot of people make is losing hope so many people feel like their situation is unique and that it's not going to be possible for them because of the their mistakes that they've made but the reality is that everyone's situation is unique everyone has made mistakes and if you lose hope if you don't believe in your own capacity to make this happen how will we convince this other person to believe in you and what you have to offer and the promise of this relationship so it is very very important that you realize that although your situation is unique and you've made unique mistakes that does not mean that it is impossible there's always two components to think about when we talk about rebuilding a relationship one is personal development and personal transformation and the other is a healthy communication platform being able to engage communicate without them feeling threatened or without you putting too much pressure on them to do so if you're able to transform yourself post breakup and to rebuild a healthy communication platform the overwhelming odds are that the result will be a new and improved relationship that is the path towards maximizing your chances of success and i want you to ask yourself what can you do what should you do to really work on your personal development reflect on that process and think about what that should look like for you based on where you stand now and similarly you can think about what do you need to do to restore a healthy communication platform with your significant other because that's going to be essential in order to rebuild that relationship and i have tools at your disposal to help you do that organically and well and we're going to talk about this in a minute the eighth mistake that i see is that people act like it's a love issue instead of understanding that most of the times it is a trust issue so what do i mean by that if you're trying to make your ex fall in love with you again you are in essence missing the boat if it is a trust issue it's not by buying gifts for example that you're necessarily going to be able to rebuild trust long term and understanding that they did not lose their love for you but they lost their trust in your ability to make them happy can be a game changer because you can redirect your actions to make sure that you're taking steps towards them that help rebuild trust not to try to wow them or to make them fall in love with you again of course romance is important but if there's no trust ultimately you won't be able to rebuild a solid relationship so as a reminder linked to this point the next time that you take a step towards your ex and moving forward as you start to take steps towards your significant other consistently ask yourself is what i'm doing helping to rebuild trust or not am i conveying love am i trying to get them to fall in love with me again or am i actually taking an approach that helps rebuild trust that will help you stay grounded in this process and actually make progress over time the ninth mistake that i see very often is letting others get in your head when you let outside influences derail your process of getting your significant other back it can be friends it can be family members it can be a coach on youtube or something that you read somewhere that all of a sudden throws everything into a state of flux and you're not sure what the next step should be once you get into that place of confusion it's very easy to make a mistake because you're not following your roadmap anymore and you're acting more out of impulse and feelings and emotion at a time when that's not what you should be basing your actions on because of the emotional and vulnerable state that we've described previously in this video so there are certain things that you can do to make sure that you protect yourself from these outside influences and one thing that i recommend that you do is that you buy a journal and that you start journaling so that you can convey your fears your frustrations and your anxieties as well as all of the positive steps that you're taking in the journal instead of to friends or to families or to someone else because these people love you they want to protect you and it's only a normal consequence and reaction that if you were to share this fear and this anxiety they would perhaps tell you things to help you feel better not things that can help you rebuild the relationship which is your goal and why you are watching this secret video this gift so journaling daily and getting into the habit can really help you empty your emotional bucket and make sure that you stay true to your roadmap and to your plan the 10th mistake that i see which is quite sad is when people give up too soon it's in some ways understandable when you don't have the proper support or when you feel like you've done everything when in reality you have not done everything to maximize your chances of rebuilding this new relationship and really i want you to understand that all not all relationships are meant to work out but many can work out if you take the right steps and i have a little tool that can help you do that in your journal let's do a projection exercise together write the narrative of how you are going to reconnect with your significant other in your journal as part of this narrative talk about how you're going to be able to earn their trust again and how you're going to be able to rebuild that new and improved relationship that you're working on try to be detailed and specific what will that new relationship look like the more detailed you are the more this will help you see the end in the beginning the more it will help you to really see what is possible and work from there now i do want to end this video on a positive note from my experience i know that it is possible to rebuild a relationship even when all hope seems lost and that's why i ended on this 10th point because if you have the right tools at your disposal you're able to perhaps see new doors and new possibilities and really transform your mindset how you perceive yourself and a potential future with your significant other and i believe that we have the tools that can help you get there if you want to make sure that you have the support you need to not lose hope and to not make all of these mistakes and many more that i've seen in coaching sessions please invest in yourself get a system in place that can help you really walk this path of rebuilding this relationship with your significant other with you we have created an amazing method the three product program coach natalie coach alex and myself have developed this program to really walk hand in hand with you throughout this process of breakup recovery to help you reach the desired results and outcome it is possible i've seen it happen i see it happen all the time weekly with the people that i coach but you need to have the proper support and the proper resources frankly in this video we're only scratching the surface and bringing your attention to different concepts and themes and mistakes that are important for you to learn from but it is very important for you to understand how to actually do this and how to do it properly so that you can speed up the breakup recovery process and make sure that you ensure results that you actually get to where you want to be so if you want to be more certain to reach your goals if you want to be able to reach your goals in a faster time table or if you simply just don't want to do as much work as you would otherwise if you did not have a plan check out our three product method it's really the tool that can help you get over the hump and quickly back in a relationship with the person you love so if you're interested in taking the next step please click on the link below and we can continue on this journey together as always keep fighting the good fight and see you soon hand in hand on this path together