[Music] I have no other way to think of this than to think of this as a story about Madness - cause it's not normal. I mean it's not even normal according to the way in which uh most Revelation takes place. It seems that the the history of Revelation is full of, well, a certain kind of sweetness. I guess because of my own natural skepticism it has been easy for me for all of these years not to tell the story of my encounter cause it is mad and there's no proof. That's the thing that's so interesting about telling stories it's just the story and I think it's better that you take it that way. In a sense it has nothing to do with Human Design. Human design stands on its own feet but I was its first student so I'll tell you the story I was already mad anyway I mean by any standards of what is normal in society I was already mad. I was living wild. I was very much alone in a process that I I didn't even try to understand. I just went along for the ride. Cause there was - I just went along for the ride - yeah it's my feeling exactly! A sheep in the background that's nice. I'm a ram they don't get slaughtered. Anyway um I was already mad I didn't think about what was really happening to me, because it was kind of frightening. I assumed that I had lost it it was my midlife and uh I was aware enough of the way in which things work that I assumed that yeah I was losing it whatever that meant didn't really mean anything to me because in fact the thing that surprised me about Madness or craziness or whatever you want to call it is that it was entertaining. You know it's the most interesting thing that had ever happened to me was to be crazy to get away from yeah all the acutremal of Western Civilization to just - yeah- break down somehow, deconstruct. Anyway it was January, January the 3rd 1987. I was living in uh in this extraordinary old house a ruin a ruina real ruin. It had been built about 300 years ago and was built over a cisterne and it was built over a well and it was built Over the Water Source. The original front door which when I was living there was no more than an entrance in what appeared to be a courtyard it wasn't a courtyard it was just the roof of the Entrada of the house the main living area of the house had collapsed long ago they ran out of water you run out of water you don't stay you can't grow anything you can't survive and slowly the ruina deteriorated and when I first saw it I had rented the main house down below cascachu you it was uh I think 1984 and up above the house was the original main house the the ruine and the people that had owned the property they had turned the only part of that ruin that still had some infrastructure they turned it into a kind of guest room very simple small and close space and there was this big huge wooden door in the door it only took one of these giant iron Keys very oldfashioned key 19th century key many years before that before I even knew what Ibiza was I used to Doodle all the time and one of the things that I used to draw was this key over and over and over and over and over again it was almost in every drawing that I had and I would end up having that key in my hand and living in the room that that key opened the door to anyway it was January 3rd and it was uh dark wasn't late but you know it gets dark early in January may have been around 5 5:30 I'd come back to the the ruine I had uh received a free meal which was a treat for me I didn't eat very often in those days I was uh mostly muscle and and Bone nothing else I can remember walking up from the road from the main tarmac road walking up the side of the Hill there was a little path that I had worn out with my footsteps leading up to the the ruina I remember barley barley Baker my dog kind of semi wild creature I guess he picked up my scent and he came running down the hill to meet me and we walked together towards the the ruin that room the one room in the ruina it was very simple it was about about uh oh I don't know maybe 2 and 1/2 M by 5 m something like that there was a platform in it that I would sleep in if you open the door you'd immediately see that platform and uh there was a desk a kind of board there was over some some bricks with a chair and one wall was um all shelves and on the left hand side of that wall uh were books all kinds of books and on the right hand side were jars of herbs the person that would stay in the Rua was somebody that when I was living in the main house I I let him stay in the ruina and it was his books his herbs years later he would let me stay in the ruina while he was away and so all of his things were in there there were some masks made by a French artist Pascale local artist here on the island there were all kinds of strange things he made um hanging butterflies that people would buy in the flea markets and there was a box of all of his stuff in there and there was only one key there was a kerosene lantern that hung over the platform but it was bone dry and the only place to get kerosene was on the other side of the island and I had neither money nor Transportation so I lived a real arean life I got up with the sun and when the sun went down I went to sleep and in fact that's what I was about to do I was headed back to the ruina to go to sleep now I was born for shock there was a light on underneath that door and when the two of us arrive there and I see this light underneath the door um I get a funny feeling I don't know just that odd feeling I could tell that it bothered the dog too I had the only key one of these oldfashioned ones and nobody else had it and it was locked and there was no other way in and nobody would bother anyway not anybody I knew I was considered the local madman he didn't come near me it was spooky and darkness had settled in it was really a black night and it was full of stars and I shouted at the door it was my first uh Taste of irony I shouted who's there well who was going to find out but there was no answer I put the key in the door funny about memory I mean what happened to me was not sequential it was a kind of uh action synthesis that I can deconstruct into components but it's not the same as is what it was to experience it I pushed the key in the door I turned the key and I pushed the door opened Inward and to the left and I pushed the door open the kerosene lantern was lit and it was spinning it's the first thing that I noticed and at the same moment that I I pushed open the door and saw the lantern spinning my dog barley crossed the threshold of the doorway and as he crossed the threshold of the doorway he fell like well like a creature that's been shotgunned close range and at the same moment um I Heard a Voice um it wasn't pleasant as a voice I kind of imagined it as the voice of a cigar smoking 155 yearold woman it was quite a voice and as I heard that voice as the dog crashed as the lantern spun uh my body exploded with water um it was gushing from my head I mean liquid water gushing from my head from my arms and my legs and my groin everything was dripping water there was a pool literally a pool of my body water on the floor the the the physical sensation of dehydration super fast dehydration is pain and in this emerging of the pain was this voice and it said are you ready to work it was not a question it really wasn't a question I once thought it would be very funny to do this as a comedy routine you know cause it's funny in a way Madness always is the dog was lying on the ground in this pool of my water and the voice said to me move it out of the way so I moved it out of the way I dragged the dog under my desk and put it there it would be there for 8 days it would never move didn't seem to be breathing and closed the door and I closed the door Instructions. I'm a Manifestor - if you tell me what to do the chances are I will never pay attention to you again! And here I was in a situation where I was almost like an obedient dog a frightened one. The pain was interesting it was intense but not unbearable and my skin you know I couldn't touch it I mean I couldn't feel it sort of like what happens to you when your your leg goes to sleep and you know you bang on it with your fist and there's nothing there uh The Voice told me to do things and the first thing that I had to do is that I had a um a butane stove you know with two little burners on it and I was told to to light the fire on the stove so I let the fire on the stove science fiction the lights I start the fire on the stove and as I start the fire on the stove the the hair goes up on the back of my neck and there's this um neon blue light about that big hovering in the middle of the room I mean just hovering the voice says follow the light which today is very funny so I follow the light and up until that point I throughout my deconstruction period I had worn a Mufti Arab headdress and uh there was a Buddha shroud that somebody had brought to me from Burma that was hanging on the wall and the light went over to the Buddha shroud so with the Buddha shroud on and then the light went over to the library they pointed out three books one was um a King James version of the New Testament one of them was the Bagavad Gita and one of them was a Stanford biology textbook under instruction I placed all of these things on on my platform there was um a a woven chessboard made out of leather and uh there was um a copper coil of wire that was used uh by the man who lived there was used to make these butterflies there were all these various things that I gathered and placed on the platform following this this line and then I was told to take herbs from the shelves I had no idea what was in these jars he was uh a herbalist and scoured all over the island for all kinds of different roots and herbs and he made all kinds of strange concoctions I was not familiar with any of it and the light would go to various jars and I would take the contents and I would put them on top of the stove directly on top of the fire and they would burn um slowly the room began to fill with with smoke and then I put on the mask oh Pascal's mask one of the two masks in the room crack mask crack right down the middle right across the nose a com a kind of Comedy Del Arta mask so you have to see the scene and you have to appreciate it for its Madness eh Madness is such drama so there I am sitting crossle on my platform where in a Buddha shroud over my head and a cracked mask and the smoke of burning herbs and in front of me is this this chessboard with a coil in the middle of the coil are all of these books and then the strangest thing of all the light goes to the very very top of the bookcase over on the right right what appeared to be an orange crate so I have to climb up onto the desk even to reach it and I climb up on the desk and I pull down this box and inside this box are half-made butterflies you know butterfly wings big butterfly wings like like this painted hand painted on canvas the kind of things that you know you pull a cordon they flap up and down so there was all these butterfly parts and as I'm looking in the Box this this hovering neon light comes swooping in and goes down to the box and sits on the bottom where there is um a bedding of newspaper so I reach down and pull out the newspaper it was um a local publication from Mallorca The Mallorca Daily Bulletin and the front page was the story of the Mexican earthquake it had taken place in December just before my encounter and on the front page is the story of Israel Diaz it's one of those anagrams IS-RA-EL the story of Israel Diaz trying to dig out his pregnant wife from underneath this rubble and she stays there for eight days and it's the story of how he gets her out and saves her and the baby and I take this front page of this newspaper and I place it on top of this whole conglomeration of things on my bed at the foot of my bed I had been introduced to Theosophical thought and I was investigating Ray charts very kind of obscure thing and I I had all these examples of some of the people that I knew and the voice told me to go get one of these charts specifically of a man who was well an acquaintance of mine and he said to me put it on the Fire I put the the graph the chart on top of the smoldering herbs under the Flames from the gas ball and went back onto the platform and just sat there now I could hear voices it was very strange I could particularly hear Spanish voices Spanish speaking voices couldn't quite make out what was being said I was too astonished but by what I was looking at I was looking at a piece of paper sitting on top of flames and it wasn't burning I mean you know just wasn't burning and while it wasn't burning there were all of these sounds voices noise at some point I got very very tired I mean yeah and then I was given what was to be one of three Mantras that I was given I have no idea what it meant anyway I repeated it a number of times and the paper exploded into flame disappear I fell back onto the platform I was exhausted funny thing too felt like I was levitating because I couldn't feel my body touching the platform at all at all nothing nothing and then the voice began to teach me and it was wonderful because when it spoke I had no pain there was just this kind of um floating floating in in a information field the story of The Big Bang Rave cosmology stuff the mechanics the crystals of Consciousness the nature of being i' never heard anything like it I was very silent I've never known myself to be so silent it was just so yeah strange it was raining as a matter of fact it was more than raining it was pouring rain I remember floating through the night not awake not asleep couldn't sleep with the pain but I don't think I could have anyway I had no hunger I had no thirst When The Morning Light Came the voice said to me there's somebody at the door open the door huh I opened the door and there's two people standing there an Englishman and his girlfriend from India it was his chart that burned on the Fire he's standing there he's got this deeply confused look on his face because the two of them were on the way to France they had already gone across on the ferry and suddenly felt compelled to return to see me not knowing why as they're standing in the doorway the voice tells me to let them in so I let them in it was very odd she sat in the chair beside my dog the one that didn't move didn't breathe never noticed he sat at the other end of the platform from me and then the voice said to me you tell him precisely what I tell you okay no arguments from me tell them about about the crystals of Consciousness so I told him about the crystals of Consciousness and after I had told him about the crystals of Consciousness the voice said to me now you tell him that you can give him the crystal that belongs to him so that's what I told him and the voice told me to tell him to come back that evening well that's what I told them and the voice told me to throw the Bo and that's what I did when I closed the door I went over to the desk I was to get my first taste of well what would be the concrete magic of my experience I got to draw a body graph it was an incredible experience um I couldn't feel did it with pencil couldn't afford in couldn't feel the pencil in in in my hand and here is this strange thing whatever it was describing to me how to do this how to draw it where to put everything the numbers all of it incredible that night they came back just as they were told to do and I invited them in and we closed the door and she went over and sat down by the desk as before and he and I would sit on the platform and I collected between us all of those things from the night before the leather chessboard and the coil and the books I put on the Shroud I put on the cracked mask and I gave him the other mask and I put the herbs on the fire in the room filled with smoke and I sat opposite him now Madness is an interesting thing I had absolutely no idea what I was doing after all none like caught in this incredible choiceless movie strange movie and he looked at me wondering what was going to happen and I had no idea I had told him he was going to get the crystal he deserve and as I could feel his tension all of a sudden all of a sudden out of his right ear I mean out of his ear came a light small vibrating three-dimensional white light and it went straight up in the air and it came directly over my head and went into my head and the moment that it went into my head he began to vomit and I don't mean gag I mean a river of it pouring out of him like whoa you don't see anything like that ever there was an incredible Rush of adrenaline. The Voice told me to send them away I told them to leave she got up and went out the door he wouldn't move he was just retching I can remember grabbing the the bed cover that he was on and yanking him from there and literally dragging him out and throwing him into the puddle outside the front door in the courtyard of the ruina and slamming the door behind me many years ago about 3 years after the event I met this man again he claimed that I had stolen his Ajna Center. He'd been institutionalized for a number of years I have um his friend our mutual friend who actually was the one who lived in the ruine he asked me one day what had happened and so he was a poet so a poet poem came out from me it's called chase the laughter they came on time expecting not knowing who could have possibly known what's new dark breakfast India [ __ ] of Shiva no on no off just so and he too like a martinet chaplainist struttin Oxford stuff not fools to be taken Heavenly know why he liked to talk a being he thought he could see he knew he knew nothing they came on time the tralala players layers and layers and layers into the house of the master who can run faster chase the laughter the department of planning is having a get together they're very clever and he was so busy pretending what he thought he couldn't understand that he crossed the line he erased time he was hopelessly mine who who could have possibly known chasing time down escalators for the benefit of fragile rocks he cried Thief thy if taking back was the key taking back was the key look out for the Holy Ghost Superstar caviar on toast he was unprepared Consciousness was spared he touched the warp at the edge of the center the family cried who can enter three you'll agree is all you ever get to see three you'll agree is all you ever get to see well will see smoke and masks Pascal's cracked armor chessboard hexagrams of leather with Biblical hands touching it's all a matter of light into the house of the master who can run faster chase the laughter he was left in the dust mule what he bore he never knew and what he lost he could never see and what he has left is up to me see now where's the laughter it's from the here and after can't you agree that nothing we see is the same for you and me can't you agree that nothing we see is the same for you and me well if you can't here's a chant faster and faster chase the laughter. Well it was an odd beginning see when I entered into the ruo my name was raw and after the event I would be uru who which is a title and uru is this white light H if I close my eyes like now I see it I have seen it all these years it moves we communicate it's one of those magical things about the Rave I Ching all those planets for the exalted and detriments I didn't pick them. Uru did. A strange thing to live with 20 years I live with this strange thing I have no idea what it is it's not like it's telling see Madness is quite a thing when they left when they were gone the process got serious yeah serious I can remember sitting with my back to the wall sitting on the platform um very confused by this thing in me seeing it understanding that well what to do and in my almost panic I suddenly feel a H so hard to describe when something takes you and moves you my head was snapped back I mean as far back as you can imagine further than you can imagine because it was so far back that there was practically no air going through and in that moment three lives like I don't know what I do remember is feeling them because they went directly into my body um I've never been shot but it I imagine that's what it feels like it certainly felt like that to me it was very very unpleasant um I thought I was going to die I didn't think I was going to survive I could not breathe I had this incredible pain in my chest from this penetration and I could feel these things whatever they were I mean I could feel them inside of me I don't know what they did I don't even know if they ever left I have no idea not all I know is that it was incredibly painful when it was over I floated in this kind of no sense of touching anything and I closed my eyes and I watched this thing and I realized that it was responsive and we got to yes and no up and down movements and circular movements we would go much further than that finding a way to communicate I always thought it would go away you know I mean I live the patina of a relatively normal life family and stuff you know I do constructive good work in the world I know the strange thing inside never goes away always has something to say very strange the third day hard day really horror day I I remember feeling it before I saw it you know these these nights were very bizarre there was no sleep there was no real awakeness when the light came I would sort of yeah get a grip on whatever was going on and I felt so odd and when I opened my eyes or looked or focused or however you want to say that I had no skin no it's covered in Scales I had no genitals I mean if you want to talk about panic and shock there's a panic shock moment for you you know one can only wonder if it'll ever go away it was horrifying like some kind of uh reptilian science fiction creature it was horrifying yeah madness quite a movie it would go took hours and suddenly it was gone that night The Voice took me outside into the courtyard there was this um cracked glass old piece of mirror and I stood in front of that thing and I was given a kind of uh yeah Magical Mystery Tour of my past lives all kinds of images all kinds of things it was boring actually given the intensity of everything else I never really have had much of a sense or interest in past life I was uh I never enjoyed it when the voice told me about me it was much more entertaining to simply survive whatever it was and not have to deal with The Madness of being told that you were this or that or the other thing whatever it was voice never told me what to do in the sense of what my experience was for wasn't like go out there and do something with it I guess that's an obvious one experience for me was really amazing very confusing I guess it's like people who have multiple personalities I had this experience of being taught about the body graph and all of the centers suddenly had voices then they were all talking to me from inside my body talking to me from my own centers very strange rather frightening actually all these voices inside male female young old arguing talking over each other people have wondered over the years how I received the information you know because there's so much information in Human Design was planted in me I guess that's the only way I can describe it yeah all the surface things my neocortex was given certain information that it could handle the body graph the infrastructure the the way in which things work the basic story of the cosmology but this incredible capacity to be able to filter anything through its Matrix you know I was engineered I mean I somebody who was engineered I I guess this is the way that it works it certainly is the way that it is worked for me I never got to say anything two thoughts of mine were responded to they they were barely thoughts one was my concern from my dog and it was then that the voice told me about the design of forms rather an incredible thing the other was my amazement at the information I remember wanting to know where it was coming from and the voice said from the book of letters many years afterward maybe a decade afterward on tour in the United States I had a woman come up to me tell me about a friend of hers brother or something I don't remember exactly somebody who had gone mad in January of 1987 and had gone mad in January 1987 remained institutionalized he was uh the last thing that he did was uh uh write in a journal of his from the book of letters it was the last thing he wrote you know it's one of my things about the information of human design is that I was closest to the source that Rua sat over an empty empty sistern an empty Cavern it was into that Cavern that the design Crystal bundle came not what other Messengers have connected to not personality Crystal bundles that all have perspective so that we all end up with messages that get translated into different cultural preferences no this came from the design Crystal bundle it came from the totality of the form principle I was sitting on top of it taking it in through the Neutrino stream through the aura contact and it went out all over it laid the seed of the knowledge I was told a lot of things wonderful things mysterious things shown things heard things watched them when I think back now it's a long time ago I realized how incredible it was and what a privilege it was to have such a strange experience but then I mean like a tired of the pain the end was was beautiful as end should be it was uh the Eighth Day and The Voice told me to to go up onto the mountain above the ruine beautiful place very isolated beautiful view and I went up there and I sat down I can was around midday voice told me that it was leaving and then it said the strangest thing to me it said stare into the Sun and you know as a joke considering all the madness I had been through I don't know why I was so upset with the idea that I was going to stare into the Sun but I was my assumption was you go blind doing that The Voice gave me a a mantra told me that the sun was my dog my dog so I sat there and I opened up my eyes to the Sun and as I did that the voice well it was gone incredible experience to stare into the sun full stare have the light burn Through The Eyes down into the esophagus to see the Blue Angel dancing and the Flames the blue flames burning into your body yeah the dogs [Music] know maybe hours I was there at some point I stopped and began to walk down the the hill and as I walked down the hill racing up to greet me was barley 8 days no movement no breath no food no liquid no nothing there he was bouncing along wagging his tail happy as hell and it was over I was not relieved I thought it would have been you only have that kind of magic if you're lucky once in a 100 lifetimes to step out go Beyond the Veil great nihilist like me meeting the forces wonderful and how depressing it was to come back into the world of the not self and to be a freak in that world to have nothing to have all this knowledge and to have nothing yeah so it goes what to do [Music] on the plane and desire in the body need in the Hope silence leads to peace and that's you in the grip of mine on Vanity's Ro in the search futile search for the gold that's you you and your credit cards your tickets for the zoom you had it all worked out what could I say to you the fall till the closing bell chasing angels all the way hell that's you that's you it's the only time in my life I ever knew depression I've never known depression um it is very very difficult I mean it's obvious from the telling of this story that it's not the kind of story that you want to tell too many people funny enough you know it's it's an odd story it's rather strange given the way our culture operates it's even frightening to some people because they tend to well they tend to project on it something that it is not uh to go through such an experience to be in such a space and then to leave it um it's painful this is the mundane plane it's you crawl back into your body and you understand that it has weight and form and it's got to eat and you have to feed yourself and the world is full of Fools and you're not exactly going to run around telling people that a voice told you how everything works and uh I guess I was feeling sorry for myself not something I had ever known before I mean uh I was an incredible freak living a freak's life I had uh I had no money I had no home I had you know um what had happened to me was obviously mad it was crazy crazy yeah I I I honestly felt like the whole thing was uh yeah in that moment of kind of tragedy I had had my moment of exhilaration and wonder and it was over and it was never going to happen again and that was the end of it um I basically tried to get rid of it I mean uh I basically tried to get rid of it and I couldn't get rid of it I couldn't get rid of it in terms of what was happening inside of my body and I couldn't get rid of it on the outside I tried I tried I burnt everything I it wouldn't go away from me and um for about 9 months after after the encounter came to an end um yeah I just floated in a sedated [Music] World um trying not to be ruo wasn't meant to be well it seems clear to me based [Music] on you know who I was before and who I was after that there are certain things that are just different there are physical differences I mean my own mother didn't recognize me didn't even recognize my eyes um the texture of my skin changed my voice changed um the nature of my laugh was different uh many physical changes that actually took place in my body that were easily recognizable by people who knew me before and after so there were physical things that were different I went through what was an intensely physical process I think that the the evidence of it is in the body of my work I've been asked the question over and over and over again I've been teaching uh yeah nearly nearly 18 years now where does it all come from uh there are thousands and thousands and thousands of hours of material of me teaching um I have never had any notes I have never prepared I honestly have no idea where it comes from it's simply there whenever I look at anything that has to do with the Maya it is instantaneously there the question has an answer um and it doesn't matter what area that I explore in terms of my work and laying out all of this knowledge um the the logical verifiable Perfection of the knowledge just simply emerges um I I deal with that within myself with great humility I I it's a miracle to me um so given the kinds of things that I went through during the event where things uh entered into my body and there were uh metamorphic changes in in in my form it seems clear to me that something was done whatever it was I don't know um I was always smart but I was never a genius and uh these 18 years are nothing but genius and that's not me me so that's Ra Uru Hu who is a complexity of things you know according to to my interpretation of of what happened to me I I I have three three crystals in here somehow um and because I communicate with one of them um there is a sort of Oddity but then again you know I'm a master of the Maya I sit back in my Consciousness and I just experience the process and I don't really it's not as if I were uh schizophrenic or had multiple personalities and were having conversations back and forth in this kind of fashion uh it's not like that at all it's just simply clear to me that whoever this being is that I'm living living now um is a construct it's just a construct and so I accept it as a construct yeah obviously it's something that uh I've thought a lot about over the years obviously some kind of formula I think the thing that was most interesting was the biology textbook I think it's very hard to understand from the telling of that story how uh my relationship with my visitors and that what appears to be some kind of black magic event how all of that is connected um there was this Stanford biology textbook I have no idea why I was there and um when I when I laid that down in in that grouping with the the coil and the the New Testament bhad um The Voice actually gave me a page to open up to and um that was spooky in a sense it was as if it knew the book if you know what I mean a very strange experience and uh in opening up the book it was um it was titled quadr Paralis and um it was a section in the reproductive section and it was about the potential of um one child having four parents parents um which has its own mythological Roots the horsemen of the apocalypse and so forth um from what I understand about the the experience is that that um that child that was in the womb of the wife of Israel Diaz in the earthquake in in Mexico that that child was carrying um a crystal um not a crystal that was part of its you know basic U dualistic system but it was um how shall we say that it was used as a place to gestate it or to to give it its presence on this plane and my visitors in the event um you know I was told he was a mule that is uh that whole what appeared to be magical event was about taking that Crystal out of that infant after its 8 Days underground in that you know collapsed building and moving it into this being who received it when he was in France and uh was compelled to come back and uh yeah to uh yeah to fulfill whatever that mythology is with me and the the event that took place between him and I uh this was just the way in which the whole system you know took out of him what belonged to me and gave it to me um it's an odd enough story as it is without the acutal however it it you know there's something called the wall and um it's a transpersonal um aura and the W is the foundation for planetary programming and uh There are 16 specific fields in the wall um each of these wheels fields are connected to what I was told is something called an engram which is a a crystal There are 16 of them they are always incarnated on this planet and uh according to what I was told that that Crystal that came to me in that event uh is an engram I I honestly don't know what it does my assumption is that it's as much uh a reporter as it is an Informer uh in the sense that uh it's connected to a much larger programming agency so but nonetheless that's yeah it's my footnote on that piece of bazara you know helplessness is an odd thing there's a great vanity in human beings that they they think there are people that can control such kinds of events um I was as helpless as he was we were just caught up in a drama um in the end uh I mean he was a rather unstable being to begin with it wasn't like he was uh he wasn't um and as far as I know today he's fine he lives in Amsterdam but at that time he was um he thought something had happen to him he did not see what happened by the way he just felt something and obviously it had quite an impact on him um he would actually come back um yeah he wanted to kill me so he said he he struck me violently in the head I remember that um and then he left uh yeah helplessness helplessness everyone was helpless in that movie I guess the strangest one was the one related to the sun because uh I was actually afraid I thought I was going to burn out my eyes um and so I was given this Mantra and um it seemed to work I mean uh I stared into the sun several hours every day for about four years um I can still see so I suppose there was something to it no my only concern about publicly sharing my own process is that it makes me interesting other than simply being the the person who started the knowledge if you know what I mean my emphasis has always been on the knowledge it's the the thing that you know stands the test of time it's the thing that can stand the scrutiny of scientists and uh it can be looked at from every perspective and it can be seen that it's it's valuable for human beings and human design is is a matrix that's there for everyone that is it doesn't matter what your religion is or your culture is or whatever it's about understanding what it is to be a human being and it's a value to all um the cult of personality is a dangerous thing um there are a lot of people that will take this story and uh turn it into religious spirituality boom boom whatever you know it's what people do um there will be people that will project on it that it's the devil's work and it's all dark and it's terrible and it's this and that and blah blah blah there were people just think it's a story I don't know um it's a strange thing for me to share it anyway um it's just that you know had human design not established it itself in the world there would be no need for me to tell this story I cannot ignore where this came from no matter how bizarre the circumstances no matter how strange it may be for others it is in fact the way in which the information came into the world and it's the most important information that's in the world now so yeah whatever the bizar of it is I think it's a story that needs to be told how people will react I'm a five you know they react in all kinds of ways some people will love it and some people will hate it because that's the nature of being what to do I'll live with it whatever it is that's very clever um you know chess is quite a game it's always an advantage to play Wild but it's much more interesting to play Black and wind I was shown all my lives in this round it's about over the last 18,000 years there must have been uh couple of hundred of them there were these smoky white um hazy kinds of of faces um one after the other and uh it wasn't like I was given um stories I do remember every once in a while getting a funny feeling as I looked at a face um but it went on too long and that was the boring part it just went on and on and on and on and on it was frightening how how how many of them there were and yeah um I was glad when it was over H it's from the book of letters which is actually the name rather than the book of letters I mean it's the book of letters obviously must be older and I have no idea um I actually I assume it is the it is the Quantum of form Consciousness that is uh within the Earth we have uh we have a single design Crystal bundle um considering that every living thing is endowed with a design Crystal um just in terms of trying to count all the cells on Earth one begins to imagine the in the depth of that Consciousness field um my assumption is the book of letters is the Consciousness field itself I mean we have traditions of that that is uh you know the crystal bundle came into the cisterna under the ruine so I was close to it close to the neutrino feed as close as you can get I guess in that situation and uh it seems to me that that is an old tradition it's been called Shambala um it's been called many things and uh yeah it's just a Consciousness field and I I got from the book of letters I got bits and pieces from it um I don't think that I I know it's not even a matter of thinking I know that my brain in no way could handle the information that it could have been given so I think I got the children's version you know I got I got the cartoon version you know just a make it simple for the kid you know it's great joke IS-Ra-El? has it a meaning? Yeah. EL is basically the name for the Messiah so it's just kind of cute and I have exactly the same birthday as Israel we were born at the same time and according to according to Jewish tradition um it's why the the the Orthodox in Israel do not recognize the state because according to their tradition you the state of Israel cannot exist until the Messiah is born so it's a nice joke and I do like jokes surprising you haven't asked me the obvious why haven't you asked me the obvious am I following the no no I don't follow I don't follow it at all as a matter of fact that is not the nature of the relationship whatsoever it never tells me to do anything it has nothing to do with that it has no capacity to do so I mean uh even the communication is deeply limited it it's a it's a number formula as a matter of fact it's based on theing so there's a way of of translating movement into numbers and numbers into Keynotes so that there is a way of communicating but there's no way this thing has ever told me anything other than responding to something that I'm curious about um I ignore it most of the time I ignore it most of the time because it it I think you know you know what we do in in in nature when we're concerned about the survival of a species let's say it's brown bears we go into the forest and we catch one you know and we put it to sleep and we tag it you know we tag it with a GPS you know we just tag the sucker we put in a microchip so we can check its vitals and all of that stuff and then we go back to the studio and we sit there and we watch the bear well I'm that bear you know I uh this thing whatever it is because it it it has very little to do with my life other than the fact that it's an odity that I live with it seems that I've been Ted tagged you know I'm just a bear and uh though it responds to my questions because of the nature of our communication it it's not an easy thing to have even the rudiments of a conversation as a matter of fact it's much more interesting on a yes and no basis because it's just curious God bless you it's much more interesting on a yes and no basis but even that uh I realized something about about it uru cause that's what it is um is limited in in what it can possibly know like everything else and uh I I think its very communication with me is outside of what is its basic parameters so it's a very odd thing um there are moments that I I realize that there is you know it's my continuity with with the event it's what stayed with me consistently through all of these years it's been there from the moment of that experience it's never gone away I assume it will be with me until the day I leave this plane so in that sense it reaffirms in in my own process day by day that either I'm the strangest man on the planet right now or I'm really whacking crazy you know I mean just one or the other right and uh that you know as a do L that's fine with me you know I know that the truth is somewhere beyond e either end of those polarities whatever it is and whatever it means the light just reminds me that I'm Different what to do you know I just watch the movie it's entertaining after all it's something different well who's a title that's a title I'm a door closer you know I mean uh you know if you go to one of the hip clubs here in abisa there's a bouncer at the door and um I'm the complete opposite of that I'm the one who closes the door so that everything can come to an end and that's my job I otherwise this know could not exist I mean this is not beginning knowledge this is end knowledge this is what you get at the end of a cycle it's not what you get at the beginning and uh end knowledge means that there are opportunities that there are opportunities for Transcendence that there are opportunities now for human beings to grasp the way things work and to discover awareness to be able to see the beauty of what it is to be here on this plane and to be out of the suffering of what it is to be caught in the Maya and it's what the knowledge is for and it gives Humanity 1300 years gives them a chance gives them a chance to uh well to discover the laughter because that is what it's all about I was sitting in a courtyard of a place called can MRA The House of the master all these old houses have names and I was sitting in this Courtyard and the the English poet butterfly maker who ruina I first put him in there and then he put me in there and he was a friend of this man that was there in the event with me and he he had come to me and he had asked me about what had happened and I I I was unable to tell him I I just could not tell him um and he went away away and when he went away as I was sitting in the courtyard this thing came through my head I mean I didn't sit down and write it it just came and stayed and it's never gone away and uh there was a um in those days in the village there was a a bunch of people who did uh poetry readings and there was a poetry reading one evening and so I showed up and uh I did chase the laughter and to try to explain to him what had happened you know they came on time not knowing you know me neither um but in terms of deconstructing the Poetry it's all about chasing the laughter there's It's a Wonderful joke in the end I mean I think the thing that I enjoy the most about yeah being a messenger of the form principle is that it's earthy You Know It uh it carries great humor with it and E everything about life is about reaching a point in which you can be surrendered to entertainment life is entertaining and the laughter is good for us yeah by the way chase the laughter and Sarah sang a Lullaby came one day after each other and no more ever came just those two Sarah sang a lullaby sigh and sign altered by the line we sail on Neutrino Seas light so heavy it remembers tomorrow dream Tigers illusion guers for someone else's night we drift Neutrino blind at a dazzling remembrance Homer held a violet to the Sun it could not alter the nature of being so so so tabulations tribulations we sing Neutrino songs Cosmic all alongs mice mice small feet beneath the trunk how the elephant smells Hermes shells Des demone as hell do you remember do you remember it could not alter the nature of being alter upon which altar try to remember what your last face what is Grace submarine strategies for thriving swells it's on the tip of every wave cargo through Darkness long lines of light Bumper to Bumper To cassieopia chassis do you recall slowly you and I try slowly you and I try Neutrino views Neutrino news what's Neutrino you who there's a Neutrino in in town hanging around look out for your little sisters he'll never Yang up his guns light Ain't Heavy has it ever occurred to you that there's nothing new well it's not true geometries a staircase Aran race stoic face no Trace in the end all lines Embrace who who wrote The Who who knew who wrote The Who who you see what one and two are three YB just to see so let's agree that the beginning before the start had a nature bye Ra! 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