Hello? Hi, can I speak to Mark, please? This is Mark. Hey, Mark, how are you?
This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Jubal? Yeah.
From what? Brook and Jubal in the Morning. I'm calling you because we recently got an email about you from one of our listeners.
Really? Yeah. You recently went out with somebody and aren't calling them back, and they asked us to get you on the phone.
Uh, okay. Any idea who I might be talking about? Oh, man. Might her name be Liz? It might.
Oh, man. Liv emailed us and said that you guys had a really good time, and she's confused why you won't text or call her back. Oh, man. That is terrifying.
She doesn't understand why. Did you say it's terrifying if she doesn't understand why? Yeah, like that she doesn't understand why it's weird.
What? Okay. Can you do us the favor and tell us why? She wants to know, and now I really want to know. Well, I mean, you know, we go to dinner.
We go to a fondue place, which is cool. Cheese is fun, you know. And she's pretty hot. You know what I mean?
Like, she's hot. We actually talked to her, and she did mention that she was looking very hot that night and that she's hot, and it's weird that you're not calling her back because she's hot. Yeah, I just kept going through my head, like, how is this woman single? Like, this is the kind of person you see with, like, a basketball.
basketball player, like a professional basketball player. Oh, she's like, wow. She's like really hot.
She's super hot. Sort of like dumb hot, you know? Is that why you're not calling her back?
Because you think that she's dumb? No, no, you know what I mean? Like, not literally stupid hot.
Oh, you mean like... You feel stupid when you look at them. Okay. Well, if she's so hot, then why are you blowing her off? I mean, I know like, this is the thing people say, like crazy eyes, but like...
She definitely had crazy eyes. Then why would you go back to her house? I mean, you know, my thing is, like, they're just sort of quirky and weird. It's like, all right, we can have sex once, but I'm definitely not going to, like, call you again. Well, once you got back to her house, what made you finally decide to leave?
Because she told us that you sort of, you guys were making out, and you kind of shut it down early and went home. Yeah. I mean, honestly, that, like, the making out was fine.
It was good. It was, like, a lot of energy. And then she goes, she, like. stops and she looks at me like with eyes and she goes oh my god i'm late and at first i'm thinking like she's late for a period yeah that's the first thing that you think of whenever a girl says i'm late that's the first thing that pops into my mind there's no way i could have got you pregnant i just want you to let you know we've just been making out yeah i didn't even care i was just like going to like a boring normal thing that could have been and then she like runs upstairs she has a three-story townhouse and she opens the balcony And she has this, like, it's like a bag of breadcrumbs.
And she's just, like, sprinkling them around. And I'm like, what is going on? She's not saying a word, okay? And then all of a sudden these crows just start swooping in.
Like they were just waiting. They were waiting for her. And I was just like, oh, my God, this woman feeds crows. So she was feeding the crows?
Yeah. And she's like, I have to feed them. I have to feed them. I love them. I love my crows.
They come and I feed them. Whoa. A crow lady?
That's weird. And she was talking to them and she didn't even do like a weird baby voice to make it feel animated. She like used her normal voice to talk to them.
I mean, I was just like, I got to make this is weird. So after she fed her pet crows, did you continue to make out with her? I mean, she tried, you know, like.
You know, she went in for it, and I was like, okay, maybe I can do this a little longer. But, like, this thought just keeps going through my head. It's like, she feeds crows.
She's got pet crows. I just don't want to, I can't stand by that behavior. You know what I mean? I can't stand by it.
Hey, this is my girlfriend Liz. She feeds crows. Yeah. All right, well, how would you handle it if I told you that she's on the phone listening right now? Are you serious?
What? Yep. She's been listening to this entire conversation. Say hi, Liv. Oh, my God.
Hi. What the hell is going on? You know, you didn't call me back, and so I really wanted to find out what was up.
Yeah, I mean, I guess if you were listening, you just heard. Yeah, you could have told me instead of just ignore me. What was I supposed to say?
You know, I think it's really unhealthy and strange that you feed natural scavengers that are terrifying and don't need your help. I just really don't understand why clothes bother you so much. The crows themselves do not bother me. Me thinking about myself dating a woman who feeds crows in the middle of the night bothers me.
Crows come to me. I don't go to the crows. The crows come to me.
That makes a huge difference. That's great, and I'm sure you're going to have an easy time attracting a mate who loves feeding crows. Don't you want to feed crows with some dude who, like, his name is Raven and he just gets it? Yeah, you could really learn something from the crows because they're loyal.
creatures. They mate for life. They're beautiful.
You have a lot to learn. We are not going to mate for life. We would argue for life.
You know what, Mark? You're so judgmental and you have to live with that. I am judgmental and I do live with it because it helps me prevent myself from dating crow ladies. Mark, don't you think, though, I mean, for once like you have a hot girl that is interesting. For once?
What are you stalking me on Facebook? I'm just saying, like, you were going off about how beautiful she was, and that it's amazing to meet a beautiful woman who's not dumb. Like, she's got some other stuff going on. That is the most depressing description of dating someone.
Oh, yeah, she's beautiful. Like, but, you know, she's nuts. Like, she's got a few things going on. Well, Mark, I'm not even going to try anymore, because I don't want to date you anymore. And I just want to let you know that Crows They remember faces.
You just remember that. They remember human faces. Are you threatening Mark with crows now, Liv? No, I'm not threatening him. I'm just letting him know that the crows are going to remember.
Okay. You know what, Liv? If I see a crow in my neighborhood because of whatever black magic you're just trying to do on me right now, I'm going to get really pissed off. Every crow that Mark sees from now on is going to think that you're sticking on him, Liv. Yeah, you're making this worse for crows, Liv.
Well, at this point, I probably have to ask the question anyway. Mark, would you like to go out with Liv again? I will pay for a second date for you guys.
Oh, my God. Have you not been listening to the last five minutes of our conversation? You know what?
No, I don't want to go out with you anymore. And I wasn't kidding about the crows. They really are going to remember you. Thank you.
Thank you so much. All right. Well, Mark, thank you for your time. Good luck with everything, okay? Thanks.
All right. Hey, Liv? Yeah. We're cool, right?
Me and you? Yeah, we're cool. Alright, I just don't want to piss you in the crow's office off.
Hello? Hi, is this Christy? Speaking.
Hey Christy, how are you? This is Jubal from the radio show Brooke and Jubal in the Morning. Hey. Hey.
What's up? Like, what's up? Not much. You listen to the show ever?
Yeah, I've heard it sometimes, but why are you calling? Have you ever heard a second date before? Is that the one where, like, people... call in and then like they haven't heard from someone or something yeah that's exactly what it is and that's exactly why i'm calling yeah i don't yeah what well you went out with a dude a while back and you're not returning any of his text messages or phone calls so he emailed us to see if we could get you on the phone and find out why you're not getting back to him are you sure that that was me because honestly i haven't gone out with any guys recently yeah i guess i shouldn't have said recently i think it was actually a little while ago i'll give you his name and then you can tell me if you remember going out with him his name is wesley Uh... The quesadilla guy?
Do you remember the quesadilla guy? Met at a party? That guy? Yes. Oh my god.
Oh my god. Do you remember the guy that took you home and made a quesadilla? Yeah, he's a douche.
Okay. Oh, douche! Big douche? No, I don't know what's going on. And you hung out with him a couple times, right?
Yeah, no, I did. Honestly, I'm kind of upset about it. Really? That you hung out with him for a while? Yeah.
Did you get his text message from the other day? He said that he was thinking about you and then texted you to try to get together again. God.
That's a yes. Yeah. Yeah, I did. So wait, why do you regret hanging out with him? He hurt your feelings or?
He's a jerk. Like, he's seriously such a jerk. How? I just, like, ugh. Like, what did he tell you about our interaction?
Like, what did he tell you? He said that you guys met at a party. You went back to his place for quesadilla. Really good quesadilla, I guess. Yeah, no, it was good.
I can't remember, like, what was in it. It was like... He said it's barbecue chicken that he uses.
Yeah, I was like... Yeah, okay, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was really good. We can talk about dating him, or we can just turn this into, like, a food segment about quesadillas. I'm down with either. Whichever you want to do, Christy.
He did say that you're very hot. Yes. and fun he actually can't even remember why you guys stopped talking well that's good um he didn't say anything about his birthday no were you guys hanging out on his birthday We'd hung out a few times and he's like a doofus, but he was charming. So we were like hanging out around the time of the birthday and a couple days before I decided that I really, I liked him.
I thought he was cool. So I made him this birthday card. I like made it by hand.
That's cute. Yeah, I mean, I liked him. I wanted him to know that I liked him.
And when I gave it to him, he laughed and said, oh, whoa. You obviously care way more about me than I care about you. What? Wow, dude. Ouch.
So yeah, all that bad. And then he kissed me on the forehead. Ew. Ouch.
Yeah, that sucks. That's not cool. That's like saying bless your heart, but...
Honestly, it was not great. But quite frankly, even though it was harsh, he was being honest about it. Yeah.
We had a conversation afterward and he was like, you know, I don't... Look, I saved my feelings, so... you may want to save yours for somewhere else it was like really harsh but in a weird way i had some respect for him because he was at least being honest so like frankly the fact that he's calling in now because he can't remember pisses me off oh does it do you want to talk to him what no well he's on the other line listening he wants to talk to you so you could talk to him if you want christy what's up are you kidding me what's up you didn't text me back Did you hear anything?
Did you hear anything I just said? I think it's hilarious. Christy, are you kidding me?
You think this is hilarious? You think it's hilarious that you can't remember why we're not talking to each other? I don't know. I think it's funny. I'm sorry.
What? Oh, my God. You are such a jerk. You have so little respect for me that you can't even remember? I mean, now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I remember.
Okay. Oh, my God. No.
So what do you even want from me? I don't really understand what you want from me. Do you think we should go out again? Yeah, I want to see you again.
I really do. No, you don't, dude. No, you don't.
What makes you say that? Dude, you already tried texting me and I ignored your text. Get a clue.
Yeah, I figured maybe you just forgot to respond. I don't know. I didn't forget to respond.
What you did on your birthday was inexcusable. You're still upset over the birthday card thing? Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?
Oh, wow. No, I went through all of that effort to make that card for you, and you just treated me like I was your little pet. I feel so stupid. Look, I didn't ask you to make me a birthday card, all right?
That kind of came off a little clingy and a little desperate. So that's on you. I'm sorry. Oh, so every time somebody does something nice for you, that's clingy and desperate, huh?
Yeah, I mean, I would have been just as happy if we did the same thing we did the night before. But no, you had to go make it all emotional with feelings and sprinkles and crap. Oh my God. This is just like nonsense.
Like this is talking to a lunatic. I am so turned on right now. Get it out, please. You're turned on? What are you turned on by, Wesley?
No. No. Guys, just listen to how intense and passionate she is right now.
Oh, I can't get over it. Oh, man. Ew, are you kidding me?
You are gross. Come on. Oh, come on, you. This is disgusting. You really think that this is working?
I do feel like, Wesley, you're kind of delusional. Yeah. You're old.
You're not into this. Christy, I heard you tell them that you had a good time with me, that we hung out, it was all good, you loved my quesadillas. Yeah, I did like the quesadillas back then, before I realized what a jerk you are.
Talk dirty to me. I love it. What?
Get angry. No, no, no. You're ridiculous.
This is ridiculous. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Christy.
Can I please get off the phone? This is weird. Well, in just a second, I need to ask you a question. Would you like to go out with Wesley again on a second date? Yeah, we'll pay for it.
Oh, my God. It's like you have two Wesleys on the phone right now with you, Christy. What did you say, Christy?
I couldn't hear you. Not a shot in hell. Wesley, I was surprised. I thought you were going to turn her around to your side.
I really thought she was going to go for it too, man. Yeah, I know. No, he's being sarcastic, Wesley. Christy, listen. You're not remembering the good times we had.
Please try to remember the good times. Oh, my God. Shut up, you loser. Wesley, I don't think you're getting a second date with Christy. Hey, that's all right, guys.
Because like I said, I got two other ones right now. So we're good. Okay. All right. Well, Christy, thank you for your time.
Appreciate it. And she's gone. All right, Wesley, good luck and continue to date Hella, all right? Yeah, man. Thanks for your help, man.
Yeah, all right. See ya. Hello? Hi, is Emily there?
This is she. Hey, Emily, how are you? This is Jubal from Brick and Jubal in the Morning.
I'm sorry, who is this? Jubal from the Blood Bank. No. What's that laughing in the background? Laughing?
I don't hear any laughing. Are you feeling okay after donating blood? Because I don't hear any laughing.
Give her a break. Now there's... A woman on the phone. What's going on?
Hi, Emily. There's three people on the phone. Yeah, hi. How are you? I'm a little confused.
Okay, that's normal. This is Jubal from Brooke and Jubal in the Morning. It's a radio show.
Okay. Why are you calling me? Well, I'm calling you because you recently met somebody.
His name is Miles. Uh-huh. And Miles sent us an email because he told us how you guys met at the blood bank, and he told us all about having coffee after, and he said that he really liked you and he was hoping to go out again, but now you're not returning his phone calls.
Um, yeah, that's... Yeah, I'm not returning his phone calls. But why are you guys calling me? Well, because Miles listens to our radio show, and we do a segment called The Second Date Update. So Miles asked for our help figuring out why you don't want to go out with him again.
Okay. I guess it's as simple as I'm not interested. I don't, I don't, I'm just not interested. Yeah, but why would you, I mean, he sounds like a pretty nice guy. Well, I mean, honestly, like he was nice when we first interacted before we gave blood, but it just went downhill from there.
And so I'm just not, I'm just not interested. He's just not. the guy for me. You say it went downhill.
How did it go downhill? Because according to him, everything was fine. Well, he asked me out for coffee afterwards and I was like, yeah, sure. So, you know, when you give blood, how you've got that little cotton ball, like wrapped around your arm. Yeah.
So we're walking down the street and like literally every single person from like the five storefronts and we're giving blood to the coffee shop. He's like, check out my arm. Isn't that cool?
It's so great. Look, I just gave blood. Wait, he's saying that to people that you're passing on the street or to you?
Yes, to everybody. Just shouting at people that he gave blood? Right. He just came off as a braggart.
Like, you know, just using every excuse to be like, look how great I am. I've donated blood. All right. I'm a saint. So you don't feel like he was donating blood to actually help out?
He was just donating? Right. It was more to get attention for himself. Gotcha.
Oh, no. Not even that. It gets worse. So we go into the coffee shop, and he ordered his coffee. And I'll be honest with you, like, he paid for mine, which was nice.
You know, I'm going to give him props for that. But when the barista's like, what name can I put on here? He's like, the donator. No.
Are you serious? He did not say that. Yeah.
And the barista's like, I'm sorry, what? He's like, the donator. And then points. to his arm where the little cotton swab is and he's like i just came from donating blood so i'm really gonna need this coffee to help get my energy up because you know i need to help people i mean it had to have been a joke well that's what i thought like i was just like you know because he was kind of like going on and on and so i was like well this is just a joke like he's just doing this because he knew that i was nervous but it like was relentless like he's talking to all these strangers on the street he's Telling the barista to give him the name The Donator on his coffee cup. It sounds like a superhero.
The Donator. It kind of is. Jubal saving lives. Maybe.
Well, clearly he thinks he's a superhero. You know what? I wonder how we talk to The Donator. Is it like some sort of a syringe signal or something we put up in the air?
I don't know. Well, that's why I'm avoiding talking to him because I just don't know how to talk. to the donator. Well, I can tell you how to talk to the donator, Emily, because he's actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you.
Are you serious? Hi, Emily. Hi. That's the donator.
Hi, guys. Can I explain that? Yeah, I think everybody wants you to. I want to hear it.
I'm doing good here. I'm helping out people. I want to let people know that I'm doing a cool deed.
If I don't talk about it to everybody, how will they know to do it too? I mean, come on. So it's kind of like a PSA. Yeah.
You know, like I'm a superhero, the donator. It's kind of a joke, but it's also like, you know, it's facts and jokes, too. So I just want to help people out. Miles, that is such a turnoff. How is that a turnoff?
Because you're putting people in a position of then like, then all of a sudden have to be like, wow, congratulations, way to go for being a good human being instead of you just being. What's wrong with that? Because it's cocky and it's arrogant. It's confidence.
What's wrong with confidence? What's wrong with confidence of like doing a good deed? Confidence and cocky. You know what?
Do you remember you asking me? I will never forget this. This is so disgusting, you guys.
Do you remember what you said? You asked me, where do you want your blood to go? You're like, well, I hope my blood goes to some f***ing sicko so he can turn his life around.
What? Exactly. Did you say it? Is that not psychotic?
I don't get it. To me, it sounded like he was probably wanting to, like, help some drug addict, and he thought that his blood would somehow morph this person into being sober. No, no, no. You don't get it. I meant a sicko.
You know, like someone who's sick out there that needs blood. I don't know. There's all these types of diseases and all these sickos out there. They need, like, healthy blood. They want a good red-blooded American like me.
A good red-blooded American. Oh, my God. Hey, I'm not trying to offend anybody, all right? I'm just trying to help people, all right? What's wrong with that?
I don't get it. Because I'm trying to help people with my healthy blood. I just want to help out a sicko, okay? That's what I do. That's what I try to do.
That's what I do. I help out sickos. I feel like the choice of words is not the best, Miles.
You make it sound like you have, like, magic blood. In your veins, like this super healing, wonderful power above regular human beings, that your blood is so much better than anybody else's blood, and therefore if anybody gets your blood and their body, oh my goodness, all their woes are fixed because Miles donated blood. Yeah, yeah, I do believe that. I do have great blood. Last time I donated blood, they're complimenting me, saying that my blood was...
probably the best blood they had in all day. Do they actually say, I haven't been able to donate blood because I've had tattoos, but. Yeah, I mean, I think so. Do they compliment your blood? If you have like a universal blood type, it can go to help a lot of different people.
Yeah, that's what he said. My red blood cells are through the roof. My white blood cells are amazing.
So I just want to help out sick guys out there, okay? Like people need like good blood cells. Emily, I got to say, there's something kind of lovable about Miles.
Really? I mean, if you guys... Well, why don't you go out with him? Well, I don't want to go out with him. I could see where the blood thing got a little obnoxious.
But if you guys had met under different circumstances where he wasn't praising himself the entire time, do you think that you would have still been attracted to him? I mean, is he even capable of not praising himself the whole time? I mean, we had this great interaction up top before we gave blood, and then it just all went downhill. And even talking to him now, it's still all about him.
I mean... like been five minutes of knowing this guy. I think it's a lot about sickos too, personally. Well, it's not just about me, Emily.
It's also about you. You should take pride in your blood. Your blood is good. It's healthy. You're the same blood as me.
So don't act like you're better than me. I'm not saying that I'm better than you, but I don't need to brag. You just do a good deed because that is the reward in itself. Wait, wait, wait. This is your first time donating blood, right?
It's your first time donating blood? I've donated blood like over 12 times. Whoa.
Miles, that's crazy, man. That's awesome. You know what, Miles? You are so right.
You are just phenomenal and amazing, and you only deserve the best blood. To be in a woman that you're choosing to date. And I just don't have that. Because I've only donated one time. I'm not a 12-time donator.
You're not worthy. I'm just not. I just, I don't think I'm the girl for you. I just don't think I'm good enough for you.
Well, Emily, let's get an official answer on that. Because I have to ask this question first. Emily, would you like to go out on a second date with Miles? We will pay for it.
You know, I just think I'm not good enough for him. So I think I'm going to have to pass. You know what?
I get you're being sarcastic. I get you're just trying to. look cool on the radio, but you can't tell me we didn't have a great connection while we're talking. No, we did not bond. We did not have good times.
You had a good time fluffing your ego and talking about yourself and getting attention for donating blood. It was not good, comfortable for me at all. I was nervous, and you made things weird.
You made things weird. I'm weird. I'm weird.
I'm saving lives, honey. So, I don't know. Oh, wow.
Broken Jubal in the morning.