Transcript for:
Seduction Psychology and Techniques

was a power that was so temporary and frail yet women had no choice but to submit to this condition there were some though whose hunger for power was too great and who over the years through much cleverness and creativity invented a way of turning the dynamic around creating a more lasting and effective form of power these women among them bathsheba from the old testament helen of troy the chinese siren and the greatest of them all cleopatra invented seduction first they would draw a man in with an alluring appearance designing their makeup and adornment to fashion the image of a goddess come to life by showing only glimpses of flesh they would tease a man's imagination stimulating the desire not just for sex but for something greater the chance to possess a fantasy figure once they had their victims interest these women would lure them away from the masculine world of war and politics and get them to spend time in the feminine world a world of luxury spectacle and pleasure they might also lead them astray literally taking them on a journey as cleopatra lured julius caesar on a trip down the nile men would grow hooked on these refined sensual pleasures they would fall in love but then invariably the women would turn cold and indifferent confusing their victims just when the men wanted more they found their pleasures withdrawn they would be forced into pursuit trying anything to win back the favors they once had tasted and growing weak and emotional in the process men who had physical force and all the social power men like king david the trojan paris julius caesar mark anthony king fuchai would find themselves becoming the slave of a woman in the face of violence and brutality these women made seduction a sophisticated art the ultimate form of power and persuasion they learn to work on the mind first stimulating fantasies keeping a man wanting more creating patterns of hope and despair the essence of seduction their power was not physical but psychological not forceful but indirect and cunning these first great seductresses were like military generals planning the destruction of an enemy and indeed early accounts of seduction often compare it to battle the feminine version of warfare for cleopatra it was a means of consolidating an empire in seduction the woman was no longer a passive sex object she had become an active agent a figure of power with a few exceptions the latin poet avid the medieval troubadours men did not much concern themselves with such a frivolous art as seduction then in the 17th century came a great change men grew interested in seduction as a way to overcome a young woman's resistance to sex history's first great male seducers the duke de lazar the different spaniards who inspired the don juan legend began to adopt the methods traditionally employed by women they learned to dazzle with their appearance often androgynous in nature to stimulate the imagination to play the coquette they also added a new masculine element to the game seductive language for they had discovered a woman's weakness for soft words these two forms of seduction the feminine use of appearances and the masculine use of language would often cross gender lines casanova would dazzle a woman with his clothes nina de long khloe would charm a man with her words at the same time that men were developing their version of seduction others began to adapt the art for social purposes as europe's feudal system of government faded into the past courtiers needed to get their way in court without the use of force they learned the power to be gained by seducing their superiors and competitors through psychological games soft words a little cockatree as culture became democratized actors dandies and artists came to use the tactics of seduction as a way to charm and win over their audience as social media in the 19th century another great change occurred politicians like napoleon consciously saw themselves as seducers on a grand scale these men depended on the art of seductive oratory but they also mastered what had once been feminine strategies staging vast spectacles using theatrical devices creating a charged physical presence all this they learned was the essence of charisma and remains so today by seducing the masses they could accumulate immense power without the use of force today we have reached the ultimate point in the evolution of seduction now more than ever force or brutality of any kind is discouraged all areas of social life require the ability to persuade people in a way that does not offend or impose itself forms of seduction can be found everywhere blending male and female strategies advertisements insinuate the soft cell dominates if we are to change people's opinions and affecting opinion is basic to seduction we must act in subtle subliminal ways today no political campaign can work without seduction since the era of john f kennedy political figures are required to have a degree of charisma a fascinating presence to keep their audience's attention which is half the battle the film world and media create a galaxy of seductive stars and images we are saturated with the seductive but even if much has changed in degree and scope the essence of seduction is constant never be forceful or direct instead use pleasure as bait playing on people's emotions stirring desire and confusion inducing psychological surrender in seduction as it is practiced today the methods of cleopatra still hold people are constantly trying to influence us to tell us what to do and just as often we tune them out resisting their attempts at persuasion there is a moment in our lives however when we all act differently when we are in love we fall under a kind of spell our minds are usually preoccupied with our own concerns now they become filled with thoughts of the loved one we grow emotional lose the ability to think straight act in foolish ways that we would never do otherwise if this goes on long enough something inside us gives way we surrender to the will of the loved one and to our desire to possess them seducers are people who understand the tremendous power contained in such moments of surrender they analyze what happens when people are in love study the psychological components of the process what spurs the imagination what casts a spell by instinct and through practice they master the art of making people fall in love as the first seductress is new it is much more effective to create love than lust a person in love is emotional pliable and easily misled the origin of the word seduction is the latin for to lead astray a person in lust is harder to control and once satisfied may easily leave you seducers take their time create enchantment and the bonds of love so that when sex ensues it only further enslaves the victim creating love and enchantment becomes the model for all seductions sexual social political a person in love will surrender it is pointless to try to argue against such power to imagine that you are not interested in it or that it is evil and ugly the harder you try to resist the lure of seduction as an idea as a form of power the more you will find yourself fascinated the reason is simple most of us have known the power of having someone fall in love with us our actions gestures the things we say all have positive effects on this person we may not completely understand what we've done right but this feeling of power is intoxicating it gives us confidence which makes us more seductive we may also experience this in a social or work setting one day we're in an elevated mood and people seem more responsive more charmed by us these moments of power are fleeting but they resonate in the memory with great intensity we want them back nobody likes to feel awkward or timid or unable to reach people the siren call of seduction is irresistible because power is irresistible and nothing will bring you more power in the modern world than the ability to seduce repressing the desire to seduce is a kind of hysterical reaction revealing your deep down fascination with the process you are only making your desires stronger someday they will come to the surface to have such power does not require a total transformation in your character or any kind of physical improvement in your looks seduction is a game of psychology not beauty and it is within the grasp of any person to become a master at the game all that is required is that you look at the world differently through the eyes of a seducer a seducer does not turn the power off and on every social and personal interaction is seen as a potential seduction there is never a moment to waste this is so for several reasons the power seducers have over a man or woman works in social environments because they have learned how to tone down the sexual element without getting rid of it we may think that we see through them but they are so pleasant to be around anyway that it doesn't matter trying to divide your life into moments in which you seduce and others in which you hold back will only confuse and constrain you erotic desire and love lurk beneath the surface of almost every human endeavor better to give free rein to your skills than to try to use them only in the bedroom in fact the seducer sees the world as his or her bedroom this attitude creates great seductive momentum and with each seduction you gain experience and practice one social or sexual seduction makes the next one easier your confidence growing and making you more alluring people are drawn to you in greater numbers as the seducers aura descends upon you seducers have a warrior's outlook on life they see each person as a kind of walled castle to which they are laying siege seduction is a process of penetration initially penetrating the target's mind their first point of defense once seducers have penetrated the mind making the target fantasize about them it is easy to lower resistance and create physical surrender seducers do not improvise they don't leave this process to chance like any good general they plan and strategize aiming at the target's particular weaknesses the main obstacle to becoming a seducer is this foolish prejudice we have of seeing love and romance as some kind of sacred magical realm where things just fall into place if they're meant to this might seem romantic and quaint but it is really just a cover for our laziness what will seduce a person is the effort we expend on their behalf showing how much we care how much they are worth leaving things to chance is a recipe for disaster and reveals that we don't take love and romance very seriously it was the effort casanova expended the artfulness he applied to each affair that made him so devilishly seductive falling in love is not a matter of magic but of psychology once you understand your target's psychology and strategize to suit it you will be better able to cast a magical spell a seducer sees love not as sacred but as warfare where all is fair seducers are never self-absorbed their gaze is directed outward not inward when they meet someone their first move is to get inside that person's skin to see the world through their eyes the reasons for this are several first self-absorption is a sign of insecurity it is anti-seductive everyone has insecurities but seducers manage to ignore them finding therapy for moments of self-doubt by being absorbed in the world this gives them a buoyant spirit we want to be around them second getting into someone's skin imagining what it is like to be them helps the seducer gather valuable information learn what makes that person tick what will make them lose their ability to think straight and fall into a trap armed with such information they can provide focused and individualized attention a rare commodity in a world in which most people see us only from behind the screen of their own prejudices getting into the target skin is the first important tactical move in the war of penetration seducers see themselves as providers of pleasure like bees that gather pollen from some flowers and deliver it to others as children we mostly devoted our lives to play and pleasure adults often have feelings of being cut off from this paradise of being weighed down by responsibilities the seducer knows that people are waiting for pleasure they never get enough of it from friends and lovers and they can't get it by themselves a person who enters their lives offering adventure and romance can't be resisted pleasure is a feeling of being taken past our limits of being overwhelmed by another person by an experience people are dying to be overwhelmed to let go of their usual stubbornness sometimes their resistance to us is a way of saying please seduce me seducers know that the possibility of pleasure will make a person follow them and the experience of it will make someone open up weak to the touch they also train themselves to be sensitive to pleasure knowing that feeling pleasure themselves will make it that much easier for them to infect the people around them a seducer sees all of life as a theater everyone an actor most people feel they have constricted roles in life which makes them unhappy seducers on the other hand can be anyone and can assume many roles the archetype here is the god's use insatiable seducer of young maidens whose main weapon was the ability to assume the form of whatever person or animal would appeal most to his victim seducers take pleasure in performing and are not weighed down by their identity or by some need to be themselves or to be natural this freedom of theirs this fluidity in body and spirit is what makes them attractive what people lack in life is not more reality but illusion fantasy play the clothes that seducers wear the places they take you to their words and actions are slightly heightened not overly theatrical but with a delightful edge of unreality as if the two of you were living out a piece of fiction or were characters in a film seduction is a kind of theater in real life the meeting of illusion and reality finally seducers are completely amoral in their approach to life it is all a game an arena for play knowing that the moralists the crab repressed types who croak about the evils of the seducer secretly envy their power they don't concern themselves with other people's opinions they don't deal in moral judgments nothing could be less seductive everything is pliant fluid like life itself seduction is a form of deception but people want to be led astray they yearn to be seduced if they didn't seducers wouldn't find so many willing victims get rid of any moralizing tendencies adopt the seducer's playful philosophy and you will find the rest of the process easy and natural the art of seduction is designed to arm you with weapons of persuasion and charm so that those around you will slowly lose their ability to resist without knowing how or why it has happened it is an art of war for delicate times every seduction has two elements that you must analyze and understand first yourself and what is seductive about you and second your target and the actions that will penetrate their defenses and create surrender the two sides are equally important if you strategize without paying attention to the parts of your character that draw people to you you will be seen as a mechanical seducer slimy and manipulative if you rely on your seductive personality without paying attention to the other person you will make terrible mistakes and limit your potential finally the spirit that will make you a consummate seducer is the spirit in which you should listen to this program the french writer danny detero once wrote i give my mind the liberty to follow the first wise or foolish idea that presents itself just as in the avenue du fois our dissolute youths follow close on the heels of some trumpet then leave her to pursue another attacking all of them and attaching themselves to none my thoughts are my trumpets he meant that he let himself be seduced by ideas following whichever one caught his fancy until a better one came along his thoughts infused with a kind of sexual excitement once you enter this program do as diderot advised let yourself be lured by the stories and ideas your mind open and your thoughts fluid slowly you will begin to see everything as a seduction including the way you think and how you look at the world part one the seductive character we all have the power of attraction the ability to draw people in and hold them in our thrall far from all of us though are aware of this inner potential and we imagine attractiveness instead as a near mystical trait that a select few are born with and the rest will never command yet all we need to do to realize our potential is understand what it is in a person's character that naturally excites people and develop these latent qualities within us successful seductions rarely begin with an obvious maneuver or strategic device that is certain to arouse suspicion successful seductions begin with your character your ability to radiate some quality that attracts people and stirs their emotions in a way that is beyond their control hypnotized by your seductive character your victims will not notice your subsequent manipulations it will then be child's play to mislead and seduce them there are nine seducer types in the world each type has a particular character trait that comes from deep within and creates a seductive pull sirens have an abundance of sexual energy and know how to use it rakes insatiably adore the opposite sex and their desire is infectious ideal lovers have an aesthetic sensibility that they apply to romance dandies like to play with their image creating a striking and androgynous allure naturals are spontaneous and open coquettes are self-sufficient with a fascinating cool at their core charmers want and know how to please they are social creatures charismatics have an unusual confidence in themselves stars are ethereal and envelop themselves in mystery this section will take you inside each of the nine types at least one should strike a chord you will recognize part of yourself that will be the key to developing your own powers of attraction let us say you have coquettish tendencies the coquette segment will show you how to build upon your own self-sufficiency alternating heat and coldness to ensnare your victims it will show you how to take your natural qualities further becoming a grand coquette the type we fight over there is no point in being timid with a seductive quality we are charmed by an unabashed rake and excuse his excesses but a half-hearted rake gets no respect once you have cultivated your dominant character trait adding some art to what nature has given you you can then develop a second or third trait adding depth and mystery to your persona think of the nine types as shadows silhouettes only by stepping into one of them and letting it grow inside you can you begin to develop the seductive character that will bring you limitless power the siren the siren is the most ancient seductress of them all her prototype is the goddess aphrodite it is her nature to have a mythic quality about her but do not imagine she is a thing of the past or of legend and history she represents a powerful male fantasy of a highly sexual supremely confident alluring female offering endless pleasure and a bit of danger in today's world this fantasy can only appeal the more strongly to the male psyche for now more than ever he lives in a world that circumscribes his aggressive instincts by making everything safe and secure a world that offers less chance for adventure and risk than ever before in the past a man had some outlets for these drives warfare the high seas political intrigue in the sexual realm courtesans and mistresses were practically a social institution and offered him the variety and the chase that he craved without any outlets his drives turn inward and gnaw at him becoming all the more volatile for being repressed sometimes a powerful man will do the most irrational things have an affair when it is least called for just for the thrill the danger of it all the irrational can prove immensely seductive and even more so for men who must always seem so reasonable if it is seductive power you are after the siren is the most potent of all she operates on a man's most basic emotions and if she plays her role properly she can transform a normally strong and responsible male into a childish slave the siren operates well on the rigid masculine type the soldier or hero just as cleopatra overwhelmed mark anthony and marilyn monroe joe dimaggio but never imagine that these are the only types the siren can affect julius caesar was a writer and thinker who had transferred his intellectual abilities onto the battlefield and into the political arena the playwright arthur miller fell as deeply under monroe's spell as dimaggio the intellectual is often the one most susceptible to the siren call of pure physical pleasure because his life so lacks it the siren does not have to worry about finding the right victim her magic works on one and all first and foremost a siren must distinguish herself from other women she is by nature a rare thing mythic only one to a group she is also a valuable prize to be rested away from other men physicality offers the best opportunities here since a siren is preeminently a sight to behold a highly feminine and sexual presence even to the point of caricature will quickly differentiate you since most women lack the confidence to project such an image once the siren has made herself stand out from others she must have two other critical qualities the ability to get the male to pursue her so feverishly that he loses control and a touch of the dangerous danger is surprisingly seductive to get the male to pursue you is relatively simple a highly sexual presence will do this quite well but you must not resemble a courtesan or whom the male may pursue only to quickly lose interest in her instead you are slightly elusive and distant a fantasy come to life during the renaissance the great sirens would act and look like grecian goddesses the fantasy of the day today you might model yourself on a film goddess anything that seems larger than life even awe-inspiring these qualities will make a man chase you vehemently and the more he chases the more he will feel that he is acting on his own initiative this is an excellent way of disguising how deeply you are manipulating him the notion of danger challenge sometimes death might seem outdated but danger is critical in seduction it adds emotional spice and is particularly appealing to men today who are normally so rational and repressed danger is present in the original myth of the siren in homer's odyssey the hero odysseus must sail by the rocks where the sirens strange female creatures sing and beckon sailors to their destruction they sing of the glories of the past of a world like childhood without responsibilities a world of pure pleasure their voices are like water liquid and inviting sailors would leap into the water to join them and drown or distracted and entranced they would steer their ship into the rocks to protect his sailors from the sirens odysseus has their ears filled with wax he himself is tied to the mast so that he can both hear the sirens and live to tell of it a strange desire since the thrill of the sirens is giving in to the temptation to follow them just as the ancient sailors had to row and steer ignoring all distractions a man today must work and follow a straight path in life the call of something dangerous emotional unknown is all the more powerful because it is so forbidden a man is often ruined by a siren yet cannot tear himself away many powerful men have a masochistic streak an element of danger is easy to hint at and will enhance your other siren characteristics sirens are often fantastically irrational which is immensely attractive to men who are oppressed by their own reasonableness an element of fear is also critical keeping a man at a proper distance creates respect so that he doesn't get close enough to see through you or notice your weaker qualities create such fear by suddenly changing your moods keeping the man off balance occasionally intimidating him with capricious behavior the most important element for an aspiring siren is always the physical the sirens main instrument of power physical qualities ascent a heightened femininity evoked through makeup or through elaborate or seductive clothing act all the more powerfully on men because they have no meaning in their immediacy they bypass rational processes having the same effect that a decoy has on an animal or the movement of a cape on a bull the proper siren appearance is often confused with physical beauty particularly the face but a beautiful face does not a siren make instead it creates too much distance and coldness neither cleopatra nor marilyn monroe the two greatest sirens in history were known for their beautiful faces although a smile and an inviting look are infinitely seductive they must never dominate your appearance they are too obvious and direct the siren must stimulate a generalized desire and the best way to do this is by creating an overall impression that is both distracting and alluring it is not one particular trait but a combination of qualities the voice clearly a critical quality as the legend indicates the siren's voice has an immediate animal presence with incredible suggestive power perhaps that power is regressive recalling the ability of the mother's voice to calm or excite her child even before the child understood what she was saying the siren must have an insinuating voice that hints at the erotic more often subliminally than overtly almost everyone who met cleopatra commented on her delightful sweet sounding voice which had a mesmerizing quality the empress josephine bonaparte one of the great seductresses of the late 18th century had a langurous voice that men found exotic and suggestive of her creole origins marilyn monroe was born with her breathy childlike voice but she learned to lower it to make it truly seductive lauren because voice is naturally low its seductive power comes from its slow suggestive delivery the siren never speaks quickly aggressively or at a high pitch her voice is calm and unhurried as if she had never quite woken up or left her bed body and adornment if the voice must low the body and its adornment must dazzle it is with her clothes that the siren aims to create the goddess effect that baudelaire described in his essay in praise of makeup woman is well within her rights and indeed she is accomplishing a kind of duty in striving to appear magical and supernatural she must astonish and bewitch an idol she must adorn herself with gold in order to be adored she must borrow from all of the arts in order to raise herself above nature the better to subjugate hearts and stir souls the key everything must dazzle but must also be harmonious so that no single ornament draws attention your presence must be charged larger than life a fantasy come true ornament is used to cast a spell and distract the siren can also use clothing to hint at the sexual at times overtly but more often by suggesting it rather than screaming it that would make you seem manipulative related to this is the notion of selective disclosure the revealing of only a part of the body but a part that will excite and stir the imagination in the late 16th century marguerite de valois the infamous daughter of queen catherine de medici of france was one of the first women ever to incorporate decolletage in her wardrobe simply because she had the most beautiful breasts in the realm for josephine bonaparte it was her arms which she carefully always left bare movement and demeanor the siren moves gracefully and unhurriedly the proper gestures movement and demeanor for siren are like the proper voice they hint at something exciting stirring desire without being obvious your air must be languorous as if you had all the time in the world for love and pleasure your gestures must have a certain ambiguity suggesting something both innocent and erotic anything that cannot immediately be understood is supremely seductive and all the more so if it permeates your manner the rake the rake teaches us a simple lesson intense desire has a distracting power on a woman just as the siren's physical presence does on a man a woman is often defensive and can sense insincerity or calculation but if she feels consumed by your attentions and is confident you will do anything for her she will notice nothing else about you or will find a way to forgive your indiscretions this is the perfect cover for a seducer the key is to show no hesitation to abandon all restraint to let yourself go to show that you can't control yourself and are fundamentally weak don't worry about inspiring mistrust as long as you are the slave to hurt your arms she will not think of the aftermath at first it may seem strange that a man who is clearly dishonest disloyal and has no interest in marriage would have any appeal to a woman but throughout all of history and in all cultures this type has had a fatal effect what the rake offers is what society normally does not allow women an affair of pure pleasure and exciting brush with danger a woman is often deeply oppressed by the role she is expected to play she is supposed to be the tender civilizing force in society and to want commitment and lifelong loyalty but often her marriages and relationships give her not romance and devotion but routine and an endlessly distracted mate it remains an abiding female fantasy to meet a man who gives totally of himself who lives for her even if only for a while this dark repressed side of female desire found expression in the legend of don juan at first the legend was a male fantasy the adventurous knight who could have any woman he wanted but in the 17th and 18th centuries don juan slowly evolved from the masculine adventurer to a more feminized version a man who lived only for women this evolution came from women's interest in the story and was a result of their frustrated desires marriage for them was a form of indentured servitude but don juan offered pleasure for its own sake desire with no strings attached for the time he crossed your path you were all that he thought about his desire for you was so powerful that he gave you no time to think or to worry about the consequences he would come in the night give you an unforgettable moment and then vanish he might have conquered a thousand women before you but that only made him more interesting better to be abandoned than undesired by such a man the great seducers do not offer the mild pleasures that society condones they touch a person's unconscious those repressed desires that cry out for liberation don't imagine that women are the tender creatures that some people would like them to be like men they are deeply attracted to the forbidden the dangerous even the slightly evil don juan ends by going to hell and the word rake comes from rachel a man who rakes the coals of hell the devilish component clearly is an important part of the fantasy always remember if you are to play the rake you must convey a sense of risk and darkness suggesting to your victim that she is participating in something rare and thrilling a chance to play out her own rakish desires to play the rake the most obvious requirement is the ability to let yourself go to draw a woman into the kind of purely sensual moment in which past and future lose meaning you must be able to abandon yourself to the moment an added benefit of this quality is that it makes you seem unable to control yourself a display of weakness that a woman enjoys by abandoning yourself to the seduced you make them feel that you exist for them alone a feeling reflecting a truth though a temporary one of the hundreds of women that pablo picasso consummate rake seduced over the years most of them had the feeling that they were the only one he truly loved the rape never worries about a woman's resistance to him or for that matter about any other obstacle in his path a husband a physical barrier resistance is only the spur to his desire inflaming him all the more when picasso was seducing francois in fact he begged her to resist he needed resistance to add to the thrill in any case an obstacle in your way gives you the opportunity to prove yourself and the creativity you bring to matters of love if no resistances or obstacles face you you must create them no seduction can proceed without them the rake is an extreme personality impudent sarcastic and bitingly witty he cares nothing for what anyone thinks paradoxically this only makes him more seductive in the court-like atmosphere of studio era hollywood when most of the actors behaved like beautiful sheep the great rake errol flynn stood out in his insolence he defied the studio chiefs engaged in the most extreme pranks reveled in his reputation as hollywood's supreme seducer all of which enhanced his popularity the rake needs a backdrop of convention a stultified court a humdrum marriage a conservative culture to shine to be appreciated for the breath of fresh air he provides never worry about going too far the rake's essence is that he goes further than anyone else related to the rakes extremism is the sense of danger taboo perhaps even the hint of cruelty about him danger and taboo appeal to a repressed side in women who are supposed to represent a civilizing moralizing force in culture just as a man may fall victim to the siren through his desire to be free of his sense of masculine responsibility a woman may succumb to the rake through her yearning to be free of the constraints of virtue and decency indeed it is often the most virtuous woman who falls most deeply in love with the rake among the rake's most seductive qualities is his ability to make women want to reform him how many of picasso's women thought they would finally be the one with whom he would spend the rest of his life you must exploit this tendency to the fullest when caught red-handed in rickishness fall back on your weakness your desire to change in your inability to do so with so many women at your feet what can you do you are the one who is the victim you need help women will jump at this opportunity they are uncommonly indulgent of the rake for he is such a pleasant dashing figure the desire to reform him disguises the true nature of their desire the secret thrill they get from him when president bill clinton was clearly caught as a rake it was women who rushed to his defense finding every possible excuse for him the fact that the rake is so devoted to women in his own strange way makes him lovable and seductive to them finally a rake's greatest asset is his reputation never downplay your bad name or seem to apologize for it instead embrace it enhance it it is what draws women to you there are several things you must be known for your irresistible attractiveness to women your uncontrollable devotion to pleasure this will make you seem weak but also exciting to be around you're disdain for convention a rebellious streak that makes you seem dangerous this last element can be slightly hidden on the surface be polite and civil while letting it be known that behind the scenes you are incorrigible a woman may feel ambivalent about president clinton's reputation but beneath that ambivalence is an underlying interest do not leave your reputation to chance or gossip it is your life's artwork and you must craft it hone it and display it with the care of an artist the ideal lover the ideal lover is rare in the modern world for the role takes effort you will have to focus intensely on the other person fathom what she is missing what he is disappointed by people will often reveal this in subtle ways through gesture tone of voice a look in the eye by seeming to be what they lack you will fit their ideal each of us carries inside of us an ideal either of what we would like to become or of what we want another person to be for us this ideal goes back to our earliest years to what we once felt was missing in our lives what others did not give us what we could not give to ourselves maybe we were smothered in comfort and we long for danger and rebellion if we want danger but it frightens us perhaps we look for someone who seems at home with it or perhaps our ideal is more elevated we want to be more creative nobler and kinder than we ever managed to be our ideal is something we feel is missing inside us our ideal may be buried in disappointment but it lurks underneath waiting to be sparked if another person seems to have that ideal quality or to have the ability to bring it out in us we fall in love that is the response to ideal lovers attune to what is missing inside you to the fantasy that will stir you they reflect your ideal and you do the rest projecting on to them your deepest desires and yearnings the key to following the path of the ideal lover is the ability to observe ignore your target's words and conscious behavior focus on the tone of their voice a blush here a look there those signs that betray what their words won't say often the ideal is expressed in contradiction never has there been a better moment than now to play the ideal lover that is because we live in a world in which everything must seem elevated and well intentioned power is the most taboo topic of all although it is the reality we deal with every day in our struggles with people there is nothing noble self-sacrificing or spiritual about it ideal lovers make you feel nobler make the sensual and sexual seem spiritual and aesthetic like all seducers they play with power but they disguise their manipulations behind the facade of an ideal few people see through them and their seductions last longer some ideals resemble jungian archetypes they go back a long way in our culture and their hold is almost unconscious one such dream is that of the chivalrous knight in the courtly love tradition of the middle ages a troubadour knight would find a lady almost always a married one and would serve as her vessel he would go through terrible trials on her behalf undertake dangerous pilgrimages in her name suffer awful tortures to prove his love this could include bodily mutilation such as tearing off of fingernails the cutting of an ear etc he would also write poems and sing beautiful songs to her for no troubadour could succeed without some kind of aesthetic or spiritual quality to impress his lady the key to the archetype is a sense of absolute devotion a man who will not let matters of warfare glory or money intrude into the fantasy of courtship has limitless power the troubadour role isn't ideal because people who do not put themselves and their own interests first are truly rare for a woman to attract the intense attention of such a man is immensely appealing to her vanity the embodiment of the ideal lover for the 1920s was rudolph valentino or at least the image created of him in film everything he did the gifts the flowers the dancing the way he took a woman's hand showed a scrupulous attention to the details that would signify how much he was thinking of her the image was of a man who made courtship take time transforming it into an aesthetic experience men hated valentino because women now expected them to match the ideal of patience and attentiveness that he represented yet nothing is more seductive than patient attentiveness it makes the affair seem lofty aesthetic not really about sex the power of a valentino particularly nowadays is that people like this are so rare the art of playing to a woman's ideal has almost disappeared which only makes it that much more alluring if the chivalrous lover remains the ideal for women men often idealize the madonna a woman who combines sensuality with an air of spirituality or innocence the key is ambiguity to combine the appearance of sensitivity to the pleasures of the flesh with an air of innocence spirituality a poetic sensibility this mix of the high and the low is immensely seductive the dynamics of the ideal lover have limitless possibilities not all of them erotic in politics tally rand essentially played the role of the ideal lover with napoleon whose ideal in both a cabinet minister and a friend was a man who was aristocratic smooth with the ladies all the things that napoleon himself was not in 1798 when tally rand was the french foreign minister he hosted a party in napoleon's honor after the great general's dazzling military victories in italy to the day napoleon died he remembered this party as the best he ever attended it was a lavish affair and talirand wove a subtle message into it by placing roman busts around the house and by talking to napoleon of reviving the imperial glories of ancient rome this sparked a glint in the leader's eye and indeed a few years later napoleon gave himself the title of emperor a move that only made tally rand more powerful the key to taliran's power was his ability to fathom napoleon's secret ideal his desire to be an emperor a dictator taliran simply held up a mirror to napoleon and let him glimpse that possibility people are always vulnerable to insinuations like this which stroke their vanity almost everyone's weak spot hint at something for them to aspire to reveal your faith in some untapped potential you see in them and you will soon have them eating out of your hand the dandy seduction was and will always remain the female form of power and warfare it was originally the antidote to rape and violence the man who uses this form of power on a woman is in essence turning the game around employing feminine weapons against her without losing his masculine identity the more subtly feminine he becomes the more effective the seduction do not be one of those who believe that what is most seductive is being devastatingly masculine the feminine dandy has a much more sinister effect he lures the woman in with exactly what she wants a familiar pleasing graceful presence mirroring feminine psychology he displays attention to his appearance sensitivity to detail a slight coketishness but also a hint of male cruelty women are narcissists in love with the charms of their own sex by showing them feminine charm a man can mesmerize and disarm them leaving them vulnerable to a bold masculine move the feminine dandy can seduce on a mass scale no single woman really possesses him he is too elusive but all can fantasize about doing so the key is ambiguity your sexuality is decidedly heterosexual but your body and psychology float delightfully back and forth between the two poles the masculine dandy succeeds by reversing the normal pattern of male superiority in matters of love and seduction a man's apparent independence his capacity for detachment often seems to give him the upper hand in the dynamic between men and women a purely feminine woman will arouse desire but is always vulnerable to the man's capricious loss of interest a purely masculine woman on the other hand will not arouse that interest at all follow the path of the masculine dandy however and you will neutralize all a man's powers never give completely of yourself while you are passionate and sexual always retain an air of independence and self-position you might move on to the next man or so he will think you have other more important matters to concern yourself with such as your work men do not know how to fight women who use their own weapons against them they are intrigued aroused and disarmed few men can resist the taboo pleasures offered up to them by the masculine dandy many of us today imagine that sexual freedom has progressed in recent years that everything has changed for better or worse this is mostly an illusion a reading of history reveals periods of licentiousness rome late 17th century england the floating world of 18th century japan far in excess of what we are currently experiencing gender roles are certainly changing but they have changed before society is in a state of constant flux but there is something that does not change the vast majority of people conform to whatever is normal for the time they play the role allotted to them conformity is a constant because humans are social creatures who are always imitating one another at certain points in history it may be fashionable to be different and rebellious but if a lot of people are playing that role there is nothing different or rebellious about it we should never complain about most people's slavish conformity however for it offers untold possibilities of power and seduction to those who are up for a few risks dandies have existed in all ages and cultures alcibiades in ancient greece curry chica in late 10th century japan and wherever they have gone they have thrived on the conformist role playing of others the dandy displays a true and radical difference from other people a difference of appearance and manner since most of us are secretly oppressed by our lack of freedom we are drawn to those who are more fluid and flaunt their difference gandhi's seduce socially as well as sexually groups form around them their style is wildly imitated an entire court or crowd will fall in love with them in adapting the dandy character for your own purposes remember that the dandy is by nature a rare and beautiful flower be different in ways that are both striking and aesthetic never vulgar poke fun at current trends and styles go in a novel direction and be supremely uninterested in what anyone else is doing most people are insecure they will wonder what you are up to and slowly they will come to admire and imitate you because you express yourself with total confidence the dandy has traditionally been defined by clothing and certainly most dandies create a unique visual style beau brummel the most famous dandy of all would spend hours on his toilet particularly the inimitably styled knot in his necktie for which he was famous throughout the early 19th century england but a dandy style cannot be obvious for dandies are subtle and never try hard for attention attention comes to them the person whose clothes are flagrantly different has little imagination or taste dandies show their difference in the little touches that mark their disdain for convention te afile gautiers red vest oscar wilde's green velvet suit andy warhol's silver wigs the great english prime minister benjamin disraeli had two magnificent canes one for morning one for evening at noon he would change canes no matter where he was the female dandy works similarly she may adopt male clothing say but if she does a touch here or there will set her truly apart remember there must be a reference point if your visual style is totally unfamiliar people will think you at best an obvious attention getter at worst crazy instead create your own fashion sense by adapting and altering prevailing styles to make yourself an object of fascination do this right and you will be wildly imitated the countdorsay a great london dandy of the 1830s and 40s was closely watched by fashionable people one day caught in a sudden london rainstorm he bought a paltric a kind of heavy hooded duffle coat off the back of a dutch sailor the paltruck immediately became the coat to wear having people imitate you of course is a sign of your powers of seduction the non-conformity of dandies however goes far beyond appearances it is an attitude toward life that sets them apart adopt that attitude and a circle of followers will form around you dandies are supremely impudent they don't give a damn about other people and never try to please in the court of louis xiv the writer la briere noticed that courtiers who tried hard to please were invariably on the way down nothing was more anti-seductive as barbae d'orvili wrote dandies please women by displeasing them the insolence of the rake is tied up with his desire to conquer a woman he cares for nothing else the insolence of the dandy on the other hand is aimed at society and its conventions it is not a woman he cares to conquer but a whole group an entire social world and since people are generally oppressed by the obligation of always being polite and self-sacrificing they are delighted to spend time around a person who disdains such niceties dandies are masters of the art of living they live for pleasure not for work they surround themselves with beautiful objects and eat and drink with the same relish they show for their clothes this was how the great roman writer petronius author of the satiricon was able to seduce the emperor nero unlike the dull seneca the great stoic thinker and nero's tutor petronius knew how to make every detail of life a grand aesthetic adventure from a feast to a simple conversation this is not an attitude you should impose on those around you you can't make yourself a nuisance but if you simply seem socially confident and sure of your taste people will be drawn to you the key is to make everything an aesthetic choice your ability to alleviate boredom by making life an art will make your company highly prized the opposite sex is a strange country we can never know and this excites us creates the proper sexual tension but it is also a source of annoyance and frustration men do not understand how women think and vice versa each tries to make the other act more like a member of their own sex dandies may never try to please but in this one area they have a pleasing effect by adopting psychological traits of the opposite sex they appeal to our inherent narcissism this kind of mental transvestism the ability to enter the spirit of the opposite sex adapt to their way of thinking mirror their tastes and attitudes can be a key element in seduction it is a way of mesmerizing your victim according to freud the human libido is essentially bisexual most people are in some way attracted to people of their own sex but social constraints varying with culture and historical period repress these impulses the dandy represents a release from such constraints in several of shakespeare's plays a young girl back then the female roles in the theater were actually played by male actors has to go into disguise and dresses up as a boy eliciting all kinds of sexual interest from men who are later delighted to find out that the boy is actually a girl think for example of rosalind in as you like it entertainers such as josephine baker and marlena dietrich would dress up as men in their acts making themselves wildly popular among men meanwhile the slightly feminized male the pretty boy has always been seductive to women valentino embodied this quality elvis presley had feminine features the face the hips wore frilly pink shirts and eye makeup and attracted the attention of women early on the filmmaker kenneth anger said of mick jagger that it was a bisexual charm which constituted an important part of the attraction he had over young girls and which acted upon their unconscious in western culture for centuries in fact feminine beauty has been far more fetishized than male beauty so it is understandable that a feminine looking face like that of montgomery clift would have more seductive power than that of john wayne the dandy figure has a place in politics as well john f kennedy was a strange mix of the masculine and feminine virile in his toughness with the russians and in his white house long football games yet feminine in his graceful and dapper appearance this ambiguity was a large part of his appeal do not be misled by the surface disapproval your dandy pose may elicit society may publicize its distrust of androgyny in christian theology satan is often represented as androgynous but this conceals its fascination what is most seductive is often what is most repressed learn a playful dandism and you will become the magnet for people's dark unrealized yearnings the key to such power is ambiguity in a society where the roles everyone plays are obvious the refusal to conform to any standard will excite interest be both masculine and feminine impudent and charming subtle and outrageous let other people worry about being socially acceptable those types are a dime a dozen and you are after a power greater than they can imagine children are not as guileless as we like to imagine they suffer from feelings of helplessness and sense early on the power of their natural charm to remedy their weakness in the adult world they learn to play a game if their natural innocence can persuade a parent to yield to their desires in one instance then it is something they can use strategically in another instance laying it on thick at the right moment to get their way if their vulnerability and weakness is so attractive then it is something they can use for effect why are we seduced by children's naturalness first because anything natural has an uncanny effect on us since the beginning of time natural phenomena such as lightning storms or eclipses have instilled in human beings and all tinged with fear the more civilized we become the greater the effects such natural events have on us the modern world surrounds us with so much that is manufactured and artificial that something sudden and inexplicable fascinates us children also have this natural power but because they are unthreatening and human they are not so much awe-inspiring as charming most people try to please but the pleasantness of the child comes effortlessly defying logical explanation and what is irrational is often dangerously seductive more important a child represents a world from which we have been forever exiled because adult life is full of boredom and compromise we harbor an illusion of childhood as a kind of golden age even though it can often be a period of great confusion and pain it cannot be denied however that childhood had certain privileges and as children we had a pleasurable attitude to life confronted with a particularly charming child we often feel wistful we remember our own golden past the qualities we have lost and wish we had again and in the presence of the child we get a little of that goldenness back natural seducers are people who somehow avoid getting certain childish traits drummed out of them by adult experience such people can be as powerfully seductive as any child because it seems uncanny and marvelous that they have preserved such qualities they are not literally like children of course that would make them obnoxious or pitiful rather it is the spirit that they have retained do not imagine that this childishness is something beyond their control natural seducers learn early on the value of retaining a particular quality and the seductive power it contains they adapt and build upon those childlike traits that they managed to preserve exactly as the child learns to play with its natural charm this is the key it is within your power to do the same since there is lurking within all of us a devilish child straining to be let loose to do this successfully you have to be able to let go to a degree since there is nothing less natural than seeming hesitant remember the spirit you once had let it return without self-consciousness people are much more forgiving of those who go all the way who seem uncontrollably foolish than the half-hearted adult with a childish streak remember who you were before you became so polite and self-effacing to assume the role of the natural mentally position yourself in any relationship as the child the younger one the following are the main types of the adult natural keep in mind that the greatest natural seducers are often a blend of more than one of these qualities the innocent the primary qualities of innocence are weakness and misunderstanding of the world innocence is weak because it is doomed to vanish in a harsh cruel world the child cannot protect or hold on to its innocence the misunderstandings come from the child's not knowing about good and evil as seeing everything through uncorrupted eyes the weakness of children elicits sympathy their misunderstandings make us laugh and nothing is more seductive than a mixture of laughter and sympathy the adult natural is not truly innocent it is impossible to grow up in this world and retain total innocence yet naturals yearn so deeply to hold on to their innocent outlook that they manage to preserve the illusion of innocence they exaggerate their weakness to elicit the proper sympathy they act like they still see the world through innocent eyes which in an adult proves doubly humorous much of this is conscious but to be effective adult naturals must make it seem subtle and effortless if they are seen as trying to act innocent it will come across as pathetic it is better for them to communicate weakness indirectly through looks and glances or through the situations they get themselves into rather than anything obvious since this type of innocence is mostly an act it is easily adaptable for your own purposes learn to play up any natural weaknesses or flaws the imp impish children have a fearlessness that we adults have lost that is because they do not see the possible consequences of their actions how some people might be offended or how they might physically hurt themselves in the process imps are brazen blissfully uncaring they infect you with their lighthearted spirit such children have not yet had their natural energy and spirits scolded out of them by the need to be polite and civil secretly we envy them we want to be naughty too adult imps are seductive because of how different they are from the rest of us breaths of fresh air in a cautious world they go full throttle as if their ambitiousness were uncontrollable and thus natural if you play the part don't worry about offending people now and then you are too lovable and inevitably they will forgive you just don't apologize or look contrite for that would break the spell whatever you say or do keep a glint in your eye to show that you do not take anything seriously the wonder a wonder child has a special inexplicable talent a gift for music for mathematics for chess for sport at work in the field in which they have such prodigal skill these children seem possessed and their actions effortless if they are artists or musicians mozart types their work seems to spring from some inborn impulse requiring remarkably little thought if it is a physical talent that they have they are blessed with unusual energy dexterity and spontaneity in both cases they seem talented beyond their years this fascinates us adult wonders are often former wonder children who have managed remarkably to retain their youthful impulsiveness and improvisational skills true spontaneity is a delightful rarity for everything in life conspires to rob us of it we have to learn to act carefully and deliberately to think about how we look in other people's eyes to play the wonder you need some skill that seems easy and natural along with the ability to improvise if in fact your skill takes practice you must hide this and learn to make your work appear effortless the more you hide the sweat behind what you do the more natural and seductive it will appear the undefensive lover as people get older they protect themselves against painful experiences by closing themselves off the price for this is that they grow rigid physically and mentally but children are by nature unprotected and open to experience and this receptiveness is extremely attractive in the presence of children we become less rigid infected with their openness that is why we want to be around them undefensive lovers have somehow circumvented the self-protective process retaining the playful receptive spirit of the child they often manifest the spirit physically they are graceful and seem to age less rapidly than other people of all the naturals character qualities this one is the most useful defensiveness is deadly in seduction act defensive and you'll bring out defensiveness in other people the undefensive lover on the other hand lowers the inhibitions of his or her target a critical part of seduction it is important to learn to not react defensively bend instead of resist be open to influence from others and they will more easily fall under your spell the coquette according to the popular concept coquettes are consummate teases experts at arousing desire through a provocative appearance or an alluring attitude but the real essence of coquettes is in fact their ability to trap people emotionally and to keep their victims in their clutches long after that first titillation of desire this is the skill that puts them in the ranks of the most effective seducers their success may seem somewhat odd since they are essentially cold and distant creatures should you ever get to know one well you will sense his or her inner core of detachment and self-love it may seem logical that once you become aware of this quality you will see through the coquette's manipulations and lose interest but more often we see the opposite to understand the peculiar power of the coquette you must first understand a critical property of love and desire the more obviously you pursue a person the more likely you are to chase them away too much attention can be interesting for a while but it soon grows cloying and finally becomes claustrophobic and frightening it signals weakness and neediness and unseductive combination how often we make this mistake thinking our persistent presence will reassure but coquettes have an inherent understanding of this particular dynamic masters of selective withdrawal they hint at coldness absenting themselves at times to keep their victim off balance surprised intrigued their withdrawals make them mysterious and we build them up in our imaginations familiarity on the other hand undermines what we have built about of distance engages the emotions further instead of making us angry it makes us insecure perhaps they don't really like us perhaps we've lost their interest once our vanity is at stake we succumb to the coquette just to prove we are still desirable remember the essence of the coquette lies not in the tease in temptation but in the subsequent step back the emotional withdrawal that is the key to enslaving desire to adopt the power of the coquette you must understand one other quality narcissism sigmund freud characterized the narcissistic woman most often obsessed with her appearance as the type with the greatest effect on men as children he explains we pass through a narcissistic phase that is immensely pleasurable happily self-contained and self-involved we have little psychic need of other people then slowly we are socialized and taught to pay attention to others but we secretly yearn for those blissful early days the narcissistic woman reminds a man of that period and makes him envious perhaps contact with her will restore that feeling of self-involvement a man is also challenged by the female coquette's independence he wants to be the one to make her dependent to burst her bubble it is far more likely though that he will end up becoming her slave giving her incessant attention to gain her love and failing for the narcissistic woman is not emotionally needy she is self-sufficient and this is surprisingly seductive self-esteem is critical in seduction your attitude toward yourself is read by the other person in subtle and unconscious ways low self-esteem repels confidence and self-sufficiency attract the less you seem to need other people the more likely others will be drawn to you understand the importance of this in all relationships and you will find your neediness easier to suppress but do not confuse self-absorption with seductive narcissism talking endlessly about yourself is eminently anti-seductive revealing not self-sufficiency but insecurity the coquette is traditionally thought of as female and certainly the strategy was for centuries one of the few weapons women had to engage and enslave a man's desire one ploy of the coquette is the withdrawal of sexual favors and we see women using this trick throughout history the great 17th century french courtesan nino de long glo was desired by all the preeminent men of france but only attained real power when she made it clear that she would no longer sleep with a man as part of her duty this drove her admirers to despair which she knew how to make worse by favoring a man temporarily granting him access to her body for a few months then returning him to the pack of the unsatisfied queen elizabeth the first of england took coquettishness to the extreme deliberately arousing the desire of her courtiers but sleeping with none of them long a tool of social power for women coquettishness was slowly adapted by men particularly the great seducers of the 17th and 18th centuries who envied the power of such women today coquetry is genderless in a world that discourages direct confrontation teasing coldness and selective aloofness are a form of indirect power that brilliantly disguises its own aggression the coquette must first and foremost be able to excite the target of his or her attention the attraction can be sexual the lure of celebrity whatever it takes at the same time the coquette sends contrary signals that stimulate contrary responses plunging the victim into confusion remember obvious flirting will reveal your intentions too clearly better to be ambiguous and even contradictory frustrating at the same time that you stimulate coca tree depends on developing a pattern to keep the other person off balance the strategy is extremely effective experiencing a pleasure once we yearn to repeat it so the coquette gives us pleasure then withdraws it the alternation of heat and cold is the most common pattern and has several variations the eighth century chinese coquette young totally enslaved the emperor ming huang through a pattern of kindness and bitterness having charmed him with kindness she would suddenly get angry blaming him harshly for the slightest mistake unable to live without the pleasure she gave him the emperor would turn the court upside down to please her when she was angry or upset her tears had a similar effect what had he done why was she so sad he eventually ruined himself and his kingdom by trying to keep her happy tears anger and the production of guilt are all the tools of the coquette a similar dynamic appears in a lover's quarrel when a couple fights then reconciles the joys of reconciliation only make the attachment stronger sadness of any sort is also seductive particularly if it seems deep rooted even spiritual rather than needy or pathetic it makes people come to you coquettes are never jealous that would undermine their image of fundamental self-sufficiency but they are masters at inciting jealousy by paying attention to a third party creating a triangle of desire they signal to their victims that they may not be that interested this triangulation is extremely seductive in social contexts as well as erotic ones interested in narcissistic women freud was a narcissist himself and his aloofness drove his disciples crazy they even had a name for it his god complex behaving like a kind of messiah too lofty for petty emotions freud always maintained a distance between himself and his students hardly ever inviting them over for dinner say and keeping his private life shrouded in mystery yet he would occasionally choose an acolyte to confide in carl jung otto rank lou andreas salome the result was that his disciples went berserk trying to win his favor to be the one he chose their jealousy when he suddenly favored one of them only increased his power over them people's natural insecurities are heightened in group settings by maintaining aloofness coquettes start a competition to win their favor if the ability to use third parties to make targets jealous is a critical seductive skill sigmund freud was a grand coquette all of the tactics of the coquette have been adapted by political leaders to make the public fall in love while exciting the masses these leaders remain inwardly detached which keeps them in control napoleon played the coquette with the french after the grand successes of the italian campaign had made him a beloved hero he left france to conquer egypt knowing that in his absence the government would fall apart the people would hunger for his return and their love would serve as the base for an expansion of his power after exciting the masses with a rousing speech mao zedong would disappear from sight for days on end making himself an object of cultish worship and no one was more of a coquette than yugoslav leader joseph tito who alternated between distance from and emotional identification with his people all of these political leaders were confirmed narcissists in times of trouble when people feel insecure the effect of such political coca tree is even more powerful it is important to realize that coquetry is extremely effective on a group stimulating jealousy love and intense devotion if you play such a role with a group remember to keep an emotional and physical distance this will allow you to cry and laugh on command project self-sufficiency and with such detachment you will be able to play people's emotions like a piano the charmer sexuality is extremely disruptive the insecurities and emotions it stirs up can often cut short a relationship that would otherwise be deeper and longer lasting the charmers solution is to fulfill the aspects of sexuality that is so alluring and addictive the focused attention the boosted self-esteem the pleasurable wooing the understanding real or illusory but subtract the sex itself it's not that the charmer represses or discourages sexuality lurking beneath the surface of any attempted charm is a sexual tease a possibility charm cannot exist without a hint of sexual tension it cannot be maintained however unless sex is kept at bay or in the background the word charm comes from the latin carmen a song but also an incantation tied to the casting of a magical spell the charmer implicitly grasps this history casting a spell by giving people something that holds their attention that fascinates them and the secret to capturing people's attention while lowering their powers of reason is to strike at the things they have the least control over their ego their vanity and their self-esteem as benjamin disraeli said talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours the strategy can never be obvious subtlety is the charmers great skill if the target is to be kept from seeing through the charmers efforts and from growing suspicious maybe even tiring of the attention a light touch is essential the charmer is like a beam of light that doesn't play directly on a target but throws a pleasantly diffused glow over it charm can be applied to a group as well as to an individual a leader can charm the public the dynamic is similar the following are the laws of charm make your target the center of attention charmers fade into the background their targets become the subject of their interest to be a charmer you have to learn to listen and observe let your targets talk revealing themselves in the process as you find out more about them their strengths and more important their weaknesses you can individualize your attention appealing to their specific desires and needs tailoring your flatteries to their insecurities by adapting to their spirit and empathizing with their woes you can make them feel bigger and better validating their sense of self-worth make them the star of the show and they will become addicted to you and grow dependent on you on a mass level make gestures of self-sacrifice no matter how fake to show the public that you share their pain and are working in their interest self-interest being the public form of egotism be a source of pleasure no one wants to hear about your problems and troubles listen to your targets complaints but more important distract them from their problems by giving them pleasure do this often enough and they will fall under your spell being lighthearted and fun is always more charming than being serious and critical an energetic presence is likewise more charming than lethargy which hints at boredom an enormous social taboo and elegance and style will usually win out over vulgarity since most people like to associate themselves with whatever they think elevated and cultured in politics provide illusion and myth rather than reality instead of asking people to sacrifice for the greater good talk of grand moral issues an appeal that makes people feel good will translate into votes and power bring antagonism into harmony the court is a cauldron of resentment and envy where sourness can quickly turn into a conspiracy the charmer knows how to smooth out conflict never stir up antagonisms that will prove immune to your charm in the face of those who are aggressive retreat let them have their little victories yielding an indulgence will charm the fight out of any potential enemies never criticize people overtly that will make them insecure and resistant to change plant ideas insinuate suggestions charmed by your diplomatic skills people will not notice your growing power lull your victims into ease and comfort charm is like the hypnotist trick with the swinging watch the more relaxed the target the easier it is to bend him or her to your will the key to making your victims feel comfortable is to mirror them adapt to their moods people are narcissists they are drawn to those most similar to themselves seem to share their values and tastes to understand their spirit and they will fall under your spell this works particularly well if you're an outsider showing that you share the values of your adopted group or country you have learned their language you prefer their customs etc is immensely charming since for you this preference is a choice not a question of birth never pester or be overly persistent these uncharming qualities will disrupt the relaxation you need to cast your spell show calm and self-possession in the face of adversity adversity and setbacks actually provide the perfect setting for charm showing a calm unruffled exterior in the face of unpleasantness puts people at ease you seem patient as if waiting for destiny to deal you a better card or as if you were confident you could charm the fates themselves never show anger ill-temper or vengefulness all disruptive emotions that will make people defensive in the politics of large groups welcome adversity as a chance to show the charming qualities of magnanimity and poise let others get flustered and upset the contrast will redound to your favor never whine never complain never try to justify yourself make yourself useful if done subtly your ability to enhance the lives of others will be devilishly seductive your social skills will prove important here creating a wide network of allies who will give you the power to link people up with each other which will make them feel that by knowing you they can make their lives easier this is something no one can resist follow-through is key so many people will charm by promising a person great things a better job a new contact a big favor but if they do not follow through they make enemies instead of friends anyone can make a promise what sets you apart and makes you charming is your ability to come through in the end following up your promise with a definite action conversely if someone does you a favor show your gratitude concretely in a world of bluff and smoke real action and true helpfulness are perhaps the ultimate charm the charismatic charisma is seduction on a mass level charismatics make crowds of people fall in love with them then lead them along the process of making them fall in love is simple and follows a path similar to that of a one-on-one seduction charismatics have certain qualities that are powerfully attractive and that make them stand out this could be their self-belief their boldness their serenity they keep the source of these qualities mysterious they do not explain where their confidence or contentment comes from but it can be felt by everyone it radiates outward without the appearance of conscious effort the face of the charismatic is usually animated full of energy desire alertness the look of a lover one that is instantly appealing even vaguely sexual we happily follow charismatics because we like to be led particularly by people who promise adventure or prosperity we lose ourselves in their cause become emotionally attached to them feel more alive by believing in them we fall in love charisma plays on repressed sexuality creates an erotic charge yet the origins of the word lie not in sexuality but in religion and religion remains deeply embedded in modern charisma thousands of years ago people believed in gods and spirits but few could ever say that they had witnessed a miracle a physical demonstration of divine power a man however who seemed possessed by a divine spirit speaking in tongues ecstatic raptures the expression of intense visions would stand out as one whom the gods had singled out and this man a priest or a prophet gained great power over others what made the hebrews believe in moses follow him out of egypt and remain loyal to him despite their endless wandering in the desert the look in his eye his inspired and inspiring words the face that literally glowed when he came down from mount sinai all these things gave him the appearance of having direct communication with god and were the source of his authority and these were what was meant by charisma a greek word referring to prophets and to christ himself in early christianity charisma was a gift or talent vouchsafed by god's grace and revealing his presence most of the great religions were founded by a charismatic a person who physically displayed the signs of god's favor over the years the world became more rational eventually people came to hold power not by divine right but because they won votes or proved their competence the great early 20th century german sociologist max weber however noticed that despite our supposed progress there were more charismatics than ever what characterized a modern charismatic according to weber was the appearance of an extraordinary quality in their character the equivalent of a sign of god's favor how else to explain the power of a robespierre or a lenin more than anything else it was the force of their magnetic personalities that made these men stand out and was the source of their power they did not speak of god but of a great cause visions of a future society their appeal was emotional they seemed possessed and their audiences reacted as euphorically as earlier audiences had to a prophet when lenin died in 1924 a cult formed around his memory transforming the communist leader into a deity today anyone who has presence who attracts attention when he or she enters a room is said to possess charisma but even these less exalted types reveal a trace of the quality suggested by the words original meaning their charisma is mysterious and inexplicable never obvious they have an unusual confidence they have a gift often a smoothness with language that makes them stand out from the crowd they express a vision we may not realize it but in their presence we have a kind of religious experience we believe in these people without having any rational evidence for doing so when trying to concoct an effective charisma never forget the religious source of its power you must radiate an inward quality that has a saintly or spiritual edge to it your eyes must glow with the fire of a prophet your charisma must seem natural as if it came from something mysteriously beyond your control a gift of the gods in our rational disenchanted world people crave a religious experience particularly on a group level any sign of charisma plays to this desire to believe in something and there is nothing more seductive than giving people something to believe in and follow charisma must seem mystical but that doesn't mean you can't learn certain tricks that will enhance the charisma you already possess or will give you the outward appearance of it the following are basic qualities that will help create the illusion of charisma purpose if people believe you have a plan that you know where you're going they will follow you instinctively the direction does not matter pick a cause an ideal a vision and show that you will not sway from your goal people will imagine that your confidence comes from something real just as the ancient hebrews believed moses was in communion with god simply because he showed the outward signs purposefulness is doubly charismatic in times of trouble since most people hesitate before taking bold action even when action is what is required single-minded self-assurance will make you the focus of attention people will believe in you through the simple force of your character mystery mystery lies at charisma's heart but it is a particular kind of mystery a mystery expressed by contradiction the charismatic may be both proletarian and aristocratic both cruel and kind both excitable and isolated both intimate and distant since most people are predictable the effect of these contradictions is devastatingly charismatic they make you hard to fathom add richness to your character make people talk about you it is often better to reveal your contradictions slowly and subtly if you throw them out one on top of the other people may think that you have an erratic personality show your mysteriousness gradually and word will spread you must also keep people at arm's length to keep them from figuring you out another aspect of mystery is a hint of the uncanny the appearance of prophetic or psychic gifts will add to your aura predict things authoritatively and people will often imagine that what you have said has come true saintliness most of us must compromise constantly to survive saints do not they must live out their ideals without caring about the consequences the saintly effect bestows charisma saintliness goes far beyond religion politicians as disparate as george washington and lenin won saintly reputations by living simply despite their power by matching their political values to their personal lives both men were virtually deified after they died albert einstein too had a saintly aura childlike unwilling to compromise lost in his own world the key is that you must already have some deeply held values that part cannot be faked at least not without risking accusations of charlatan re that will destroy your charisma in the long run the next step is to show as simply and subtly as possible that you live what you believe finally the appearance of being mild and unassuming can eventually turn into charisma as long as you seem completely comfortable with it the source of harry truman's charisma and even of abraham lincoln's was to appear to be an every man eloquence a charismatic relies on the power of words the reason is simple words are the quickest way to create emotional disturbance they can uplift elevate stir anger without referring to anything real during the spanish civil war dolores gomez ibarruri known as lapacionaria gave pro-communist speeches that were so emotionally powerful as to determine several key moments in the war to bring off this kind of eloquence it helps if the speaker is as emotional as caught up in words as the audience is yet eloquence can be learned the devices la pascionaria used catch words slogans rhythmic repetitions phrases for the audience to repeat can easily be acquired roosevelt a calm patrician type was able to make himself a dynamic speaker both through his style of delivery which was slow and hypnotic and through his brilliant use of imagery alliteration and biblical rhetoric the crowds at his rallies were often moved to tears the slow authoritative style is often more effective than passion in the long run for it is more subtly spellbinding and less tiring theatricality a charismatic is larger than life has extra presence actors have studied this kind of presence for centuries they know how to stand on a crowded stage and command attention surprisingly it is not the actor who screams the loudest or gestures the most wildly who works this magic best but the actor who stays calm radiating self-assurance the effect is ruined by trying too hard it is essential to be self-aware to have the ability to see yourself as others see you de gaulle understood that self-awareness was key to his charisma in the most turbulent circumstances the nazi occupation of france the national reconstruction after world war ii an army rebellion in algeria he retained an olympian composure that played beautifully against the hysteria of his colleagues when he spoke no one could take their eyes off him once you know how to command attention this way heighten the effect by appearing in ceremonial and ritual events that are full of exciting imagery making you look regal and godlike flamboyancy has nothing to do with charisma it attracts the wrong kind of attention uninhibitedness most people are repressed and have little access to their unconscious a problem that creates opportunities for the charismatic who can become a kind of screen on which others project their secret fantasies and longings you will first have to show that you are less inhibited than your audience that you radiate a dangerous sexuality have no fear of death are delightfully spontaneous even a hint of these qualities will make people think you are more powerful than you are in the eighteen fifties a bohemian american actress ada isaacs menken took the world by storm through her unbridled sexual energy and her fearlessness she would appear on stage half naked performing death defying acts few women could dare such things in the victorian period and a rather mediocre actress became a figure of cult-like adoration an extension of your being uninhibited is a dreamlike quality in your work and character that reveals your openness to your unconscious it was the possession of this quality that transformed artists like wagner and picasso into charismatic idols its cousin is a fluidity of body and spirit while the repressed are rigid charismatics have an ease and adaptability that show their openness to experience fervency you need to believe in something and to believe in it strongly enough for it to animate all your gestures and make your eyes light up this cannot be faked politicians inevitably lie to the public what distinguishes charismatics is that they believe their own lies which makes them that much more believable a prerequisite for fiery belief is some great cause to rally around a crusade become the rallying point for people's discontent and show that you share none of the doubts that plague normal humans in 1490 the florentine gerolomos of anarola railed at the immorality of the pope and the catholic church claiming to be divinely inspired he became so animated during his sermons that hysteria would sweep the crowd savanna rolla developed such a following that he briefly took over the city until a pope had him captured and burned at the stake people believed in him because of the depth of his conviction his example has more relevance today than ever people are more and more isolated and long for communal experience let your own fervent and contagious faith in virtually anything give them something to believe in vulnerability charismatics display a need for love and affection they are open to their audience and in fact feed off its energy the audience in turn is electrified by the charismatic the current increasing as it passes back and forth this vulnerable side to charisma softens the self-confidence side which can seem fanatical and frightening since charisma involves feelings akin to love you in turn must reveal your love for your followers this was a key component to the charisma that marilyn monroe radiated on camera i knew i belonged to the public she wrote in her diary and to the world not because i was talented or even beautiful but because i had never belonged to anything or anyone else the public was the only family the only prince charming and the only home i had ever dreamed of in front of a camera monroe suddenly came to life flirting with and exciting her unseen public if the audience does not sense this quality in you they will turn away from you on the other hand you must never seem manipulative or needy imagine your public as a single person whom you are trying to seduce nothing is more seductive to people than the feeling that they are desired adventurousness charismatics are unconventional they have an air of adventure and risk that attracts the board be brazen and courageous in your actions be seen taking risks for the good of others napoleon made sure his soldiers saw him at the cannons in battle lenin walked openly on the streets despite the death threats he had received charismatics thrive in troubled waters a crisis situation allows them to flaunt their daring which enhances their aura john f kennedy came to life in dealing with the cuban missile crisis charles de gaulle when he confronted rebellion in algeria they needed these problems to seem charismatic and in fact some have even accused them of stirring up situations kennedy through his brinkmanship style of diplomacy for instance that played to their love of adventure show heroism to give yourself a charisma that will last you a lifetime conversely the slightest sign of cowardice or timidity will ruin whatever charisma you had magnetism if any physical attribute is crucial in seduction it is the eyes they reveal excitement tension detachment without a word being spoken indirect communication is critical in seduction and also in charisma the demeanor of charismatics may be poised and calm but their eyes are magnetic they have a piercing gaze that disturbs their targets emotions exerting force without words or action fidel castro's aggressive gaze can reduce his opponents to silence when benito mussolini was challenged he would roll his eyes showing the whites in a way that frightened people president sukarno of indonesia had a gaze that seemed as if it could have read thoughts roosevelt could dilate his pupils at will making his stare both hypnotizing and intimidating the eyes of the charismatic never show fear or nerves all of these skills are acquirable the key is self-control the look does not necessarily have to be aggressive it can show contentment remember your eyes can emanate charisma but they can also give you a way as a faker do not leave such an important attribute to chance practice the effect you desire the star of all the character types the star is perhaps the most powerful of all people are divided by all kinds of consciously recognized categories race gender class religion politics it is impossible then to gain power on a grand scale or to win an election by drawing unconscious awareness and appeal to any one group will only alienate another unconsciously however there is much we share all of us are mortal all of us know fear all of us have been stamped with the imprint of parent figures and nothing conjures up this shared experience more than myth the patterns of myth born out of warring feelings of helplessness on the one hand and thirst for immortality on the other are deeply engraved in us all stars are figures of myth come to life to appropriate their power you must first study their physical presence how they adopt a distinctive style are cool and visually arresting then you must assume the pose of a mythic figure the rebel the wise patriarch the adventurer the pose of a star who has struck one of these mythic poses might do the trick make these connections vague they should never be obvious to the conscious mind your words and actions should invite interpretation beyond their surface appearance you should seem to be dealing not with specific nitty-gritty issues and details but with matters of life and death love and hate authority and chaos your opponent similarly should be framed not merely as an enemy for reasons of ideology or competition but as a villain a demon people are hopelessly susceptible to myth so make yourself the hero of a great drama and keep your distance let people identify with you without being able to touch you they can only watch and dream we sometimes experience the uncanny in waking life in a deja vu a miraculous coincidence a weird event that recalls a childhood experience people can have a similar effect the gestures the words the very being of men like kennedy or andy warhol for example evoke both the real and the unreal we may not realize it and how could we really but they are like dream figures to us they have qualities that anchor them in reality sincerity playfulness sensuality but at the same time their aloofness their superiority and their almost surreal quality makes them seem like something out of a movie these types have a haunting obsessive effect on people whether in public or in private they seduce us making us want to possess them both physically and psychologically but how can we possess a person from a dream or a movie star or a political star who may cross our path unable to have them we become obsessed with them they haunt our thoughts our dreams our fantasies we imitate them unconsciously the psychologist sandor forensie calls this introjection another person becomes part of our ego we internalize their character the star is a creation of modern cinema that is no surprise film recreates the dream world we watch a movie in the dark in a semi somnolent state the images are real enough and to varying degrees depict realistic situations but they are projections flickering lights images we know they're not real it's as if we were watching someone else's dream it was the cinema not the theater that created the star on a theater stage actors are far away lost in a crowd too real in their bodily presence what enabled film to manufacture the star was the close-up which suddenly separates actors from their contexts filling your mind with their image the close-up seems to reveal something not so much about the character they're playing but about themselves we glimpse something of greta garbo herself when we look so closely into her face never forget this while fashioning yourself as a star first you must have such a large presence that you can fill your target's mind the way a close-up fills the screen you must have a style or presence that makes you stand out from everyone else be vague and dreamlike yet not distant or absent you don't want people to be unable to focus on or remember you they have to be seeing you in their minds when you're not there second cultivate a blank mysterious face the center that radiates starness this allows people to read into you whatever they want to imagining they can see your character even your soul instead of signaling moods and emotions instead of emoting or over emoting the star draws in interpretations that is the obsessive power in the face of garbo or dietrich or even of kennedy who molded his expressions on james deans a living thing is dynamic and changing while an object or image is passive but in its passivity it stimulates our fantasies a person can gain that power by becoming a kind of object a star must stand out and this may involve a certain dramatic flair sometimes though a more haunting dreamlike effect can be created by subtle touches the way you smoke a cigarette or vocal inflection a way of walking it is often the little things that get under people's skin and make them imitate you the lock of hair over veronica lake's right eye cary grant's voice kennedy's ironic smile although these nuances may barely register to the conscious mind subliminally they can be as attractive as an object with a striking shape or odd color unconsciously we are strangely drawn to things that have no meaning beyond their fascinating appearance stars make us want to know more about them you must learn to stir people's curiosity by letting them glimpse something in your private life something that seems to reveal an element of your personality let them fantasize and imagine a trait that often triggers this reaction is a hint of spirituality which can be devilishly seductive like james dean's interest in eastern philosophy and the occult hints of goodness and big heartedness can have a similar effect stars are like the gods on mount olympus who live for love and play the things you love people hobbies animals reveal the kind of moral beauty that people like to see in a star exploit this desire by showing people peaks of your private life the causes you fight for the person you are in love with for the moment another way stars seduce is by making us identify with them giving us a vicarious thrill the key is to represent a type as jimmy stewart represented the quintessential middle american cary grant the smooth aristocrat people of your type will gravitate to you identify with you share your joy or pain the attraction must be unconscious conveyed not in your words but in your pose your attitude now more than ever people are insecure and their identities are in flux help them fix on a role to play in life and they will flock to identify with you simply make your type dramatic noticeable and easy to imitate the power you have in influencing people's sense of self in this manner is insidious and profound remember everyone is a public performer people never know exactly what you think or feel they judge you on your appearance you are an actor and the most effective actors have an inner distance they can mold their physical presence as if they perceived it from the outside this inner distance fascinates us stars are playful about themselves always adjusting their image adapting it to the times nothing is more laughable than an image that was fashionable ten years ago but isn't anymore stars must always renew their luster or face the worst possible fate oblivion part 2 the seductive process most of us understand that certain actions on our part will have a pleasing and seductive effect on the person we would like to seduce the problem is that we're generally too self-absorbed we think more about what we want from others than what they could want from us we may occasionally do something that is seductive but often we follow this up with a selfish or aggressive action we're in a hurry to get what we want or unaware of what we're doing we show a side of ourselves that is petty and banal deflating any illusions or fantasies a person might have about us our attempts at seduction usually do not last long enough to create much of an effect you will not seduce anyone by simply depending on your engaging personality or by occasionally doing something noble or alluring seduction is a process that occurs over time the longer you take and the slower you go the deeper you will penetrate into the mind of your victim it is an art that requires patience focus and strategic thinking you need to always be one step ahead of your victim throwing dust in their eyes casting a spell keeping them off balance the 24 parts of this section will arm you with a series of tactics that will help you get out of yourself and into the mind of your victim so that you can play it like an instrument they are placed in a loose order going from the initial contact with your victim to the successful conclusion this order is based on certain timeless laws of human psychology because people's thoughts tend to revolve around their daily concerns and insecurities you can't proceed with the seduction until you slowly put their anxieties to sleep and fill their distracted minds with thoughts of you there is a natural tendency in relationships for people to become so familiar with one another that boredom and stagnation set in mystery is the lifeblood of seduction and to maintain it you have to constantly surprise your victims stir things up even shock them a seduction should never settle into a comfortable routine the middle and later sections will instruct you in the art of alternating hope and despair pleasure and pain until your victims weaken and succumb in each instance one tactic is setting up the next one allowing you to push it further with something bolder and more violent a seducer can't be timid or merciful to help you move the seduction along the sections are arranged in four phases each phase with a summary and a particular goal to aim for getting the victim to think of you gaining access to their emotions by creating moments of pleasure and confusion going deeper by working on their unconscious stirring up repressed desires and finally inducing physical surrender by following these phases you will work more effectively on your victim's mind and create the slow and hypnotic pace of a ritual in fact the seductive process may be thought of as a kind of initiation ritual in which you are uprooting people from their habits giving them novel experiences putting them through tests before initiating them into a new life it is best to listen to all of the sections and gain as much knowledge as possible when it comes time to apply these tactics you will want to pick and choose which ones are appropriate for your particular victim sometimes only a few are sufficient depending on the level of resistance you meet in the complexity of your victim's problems these tactics are equally applicable to social and political seductions minus the sexual component in phase four at all cost resist the temptation to hurry to the climax of your seduction or to improvise you are not being seductive but selfish everything in daily life is hurried and improvised and you need to offer something different by taking your time and respecting the seductive process you will not only break down your victim's resistance you will make them fall in love phase one separation stirring interest and desire your victims live in their own worlds their minds occupied with anxieties and daily concerns your goal in this initial phase is to slowly separate them from that closed world and fill their minds with thoughts of you once you have decided whom to seduce your first task is to get your victim's attention to stir interest in you for those who might be more resistant or difficult you should try a slower more insidious approach first winning their friendship for those who are bored and less difficult to reach a more dramatic approach will work either fascinating them with a mysterious presence or seeming to be someone who is coveted and fought over by others once the victim is properly intrigued you need to transform their interest into something stronger desire desire is generally preceded by feelings of emptiness of something missing inside that needs fulfillment you must deliberately instill such feelings make your victims aware of the adventure and romance that are lacking in their lives if they see you as the one to fill their emptiness interest will blossom into desire the desire should be stoked by subtly planting ideas in their minds hints of the seductive pleasures that await them mirroring your victims values indulging them in their wants and moods will charm and delight them without realizing how it has happened more and more of their thoughts now revolve around you the time has come for something stronger lure them with an irresistible pleasure or adventure and they will follow your lead one choose the right victim everything depends on the target of your seduction study or pray thoroughly and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms the right victims are those for whom you can fill a void who see in you something exotic they're often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances or can easily be made so for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce the perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you the strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic the perfect victim allows for the perfect chase throughout life we find ourselves having to persuade people to seduce them some will be relatively open to our influence if only in subtle ways while others seem impervious to our charms perhaps we find this a mystery beyond our control but that is an ineffective way of dealing with life seducers whether sexual or social prefer to pick the odds as often as possible they go toward people who betray some vulnerability to them and avoid the ones who cannot be moved to leave people who are inaccessible to you alone is a wise path you can't seduce everyone on the other hand you must actively hunt out the prey that responds the right way this will make your seductions that much more pleasurable and satisfying how do you recognize your victims by the way they respond to you you should not pay so much attention to their conscious responses a person who is obviously trying to please or charm you is probably playing to your vanity and wants something from you instead pay greater attention to those responses outside conscious control a blush an involuntary mirroring of some gesture of yours an unusual shyness even perhaps a flash of anger or resentment all of these show that you are having an effect on a person who is open to your influence you can also recognize the right targets by the effect they are having on you perhaps they make you uneasy perhaps they correspond to a deep-rooted childhood ideal or represent some kind of personal taboo that excites you or suggest the person you imagine you would be if you were the opposite sex when a person has such a deep effect on you it transforms all of your subsequent maneuvers your face and gestures become more animated you have more energy when victims resist you as a good victim should you in turn will be more creative more motivated to overcome their resistance the seduction will move forward like a good play your strong desire will infect the target and give them the dangerous sensation that they have a power over you of course you are the one ultimately in control since you are making your victims emotional at the right moments leading them back and forth good seducers choose targets that inspire them but they know how and when to restrain themselves never rush into the waiting arms of the first person who seems to like you that is not seduction but insecurity the need that draws you will make for a low level attachment and interest on both sides will sag look at the types you have not considered before that is where you will find challenge and adventure experienced hunters do not choose their prey by how easily it is caught they want the thrill of the chase a life and death struggle the fiercer the better although the victim who is perfect for you depends on you certain types lend themselves to a more satisfying seduction casanova liked young women who were unhappy or had suffered a recent misfortune such women appealed to his desire to play the savior but it also responded to necessity happy people are much harder to seduce their contentment makes them inaccessible it is always easier to fish in troubled waters also an air of sadness is itself quite seductive genji the hero of the japanese novel the tale of genji could not resist a woman with a melancholic heir in kierkegaard's book the seducers diary the narrator johannes has one main requirement in his victim she must have imagination that is why he chooses a woman who lives in a fantasy world a woman who will envelop his every gesture in poetry imagining far more than is there just as it is hard to seduce a person who is happy it is hard to seduce a person who has no imagination for women the manly man is often the perfect victim mark anthony was of this type he loved pleasure was quite emotional and when it came to women found it hard to think straight he was easy for cleopatra to manipulate once she gained a hold on his emotions she kept him permanently on a string a woman should never be put off by a man who seems overly aggressive he is often the perfect victim it is easy with a few coquettish tricks to turn that aggression around and make him your slave such men actually enjoy being made to chase after a woman be careful with appearances the person who seems volcanically passionate is often hiding insecurity and self-involvement this was what most men failed to perceive in the 19th century courtesan lola montez she seemed so dramatic so exciting in fact she was a troubled self-obsessed woman but by the time men discovered this it was too late they had become involved with her and could not extricate themselves without months of drama and torture people who are outwardly distant or shy are often better targets than extroverts they are dying to be drawn out and still waters run deep people with a lot of time on their hands are extremely susceptible to seduction they have mental space for you to fill tulia daragona the infamous 16th century italian courtesan preferred young men as her victims besides the physical reason for such a preference they were more idle than working men with careers on the other hand you should generally avoid people who are preoccupied with business or work seduction demands attention and busy people have too little space in their minds for you to occupy according to freud seduction begins early in life in our relationship with our parents they seduce us physically both with bodily contact and by satisfying desires such as hunger and we in turn try to seduce them into paying attention to us we are creatures by nature vulnerable to seduction throughout our lives we all want to be seduced we yearn to be drawn out of ourselves out of our routines and into the drama of arrows and what draws us more than anything is the feeling that someone has something we don't a quality we desire your perfect victims are often people who think you have something they don't and who will be enchanted to have it provided for them such victims may have a temperament quite the opposite of yours and this difference will create an exciting tension two create a false sense of security approach indirectly if you are too direct early on you risk stirring up a resistance that will never be lowered at first there must be nothing of the seducer in your manner the seduction should begin at an angle indirectly so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you haunt the periphery of your target's life approach through a third party or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship moving gradually from friend to lover a arrange an occasional chance encounter as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny lull the target into feeling secure then strike what you are after as a seducer is the ability to move people in the direction you want them to go but the game is perilous the moment they suspect that they are acting under your influence they will become resentful we are creatures who cannot stand feeling that we're obeying someone else's will should your targets catch on sooner or later they'll turn against you but what if you can make them do what you want them to without their realizing it what if they think they are in control that is the power of indirection and no seducer can work his or her magic without it the first move to master is simple once you have chosen the right person you must make the target come to you if in the opening stages you can make your targets think that they are the ones making the first approach you have won the game there will be no resentment no perverse counter reaction no paranoia to make them come to you requires giving them space this can be accomplished in several ways you can haunt the periphery of their existence letting them notice you in different places but never approaching them you will get their attention this way and if they want to bridge the gap they will have to come to you you can befriend them moving steadily closer while always maintaining the distance appropriate for friends of the opposite sex you can also play cat and mouse with them first seeming interested than stepping back actively luring them to follow you into your web whatever you do and whatever kind of seduction you are practicing you must at all cost avoid the natural tendency to crowd your targets do not make the mistake of thinking they will lose interest unless you apply pressure or that they will enjoy a flood of attention too much attention early on will actually just suggest insecurity and raise doubts as to your motives worst of all it gives your targets no room for imagination take a step back let the thoughts you are provoking come to them as if they were their own this is doubly important if you are dealing with someone who has a deep effect on you we can never really understand the opposite sex they are always mysterious to us and it is this mystery that provides the tension so delightful in seduction but it is also a source of unease freud famously wondered what women really wanted even to this most insightful of psychological thinkers the opposite sex was a foreign land for both men and women there are deep-rooted feelings of fear and anxiety in relation to the opposite sex in the initial stages of a seduction then you must find ways to calm any sense of mistrust that the other person may experience a sense of danger and fear can heighten the seduction later on but if you stir such emotions in the first stages you will more likely scare the target away establish a neutral distance seem harmless and you give yourself room to move getting to your targets through other people is extremely effective infiltrate their circle and you are no longer a stranger before the 17th century seducer count the grammar made a move he would befriend his target's chambermaid her valet a friend even a lover in this way he could gather information finding a way to approach her in an unthreatening manner he could also plant ideas saying things the third party was likely to repeat things that would intrigue the lady particularly when they came from someone she knew nino de lonclo the 17th century courtesan and strategist of seduction believed that disguising one's intentions was not only a necessity it added to the pleasure of the game a man should never declare his feelings she felt particularly early on it is irritating and provokes mistrust a woman is much better persuaded that she is loved by what she guesses than by what she is told nino once remarked often a person's haste in declaring his or her feelings comes from a false desire to please thinking this will flatter the other but the desire to please can annoy and offend children cats and coquettes draws to them by apparently not trying even by seeming uninterested learn to disguise your feelings and let people figure out what is happening for themselves in all arenas of life you should never give the impression that you are angling for something that will raise a resistance that you will never lower learn to approach people from the side mute your colors blend in seem unthreatening and you will have more room to maneuver later on three send mixed signals once people are aware of your presence and perhaps vaguely intrigued you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else what is obvious and striking may attract their attention at first but that attention is often short-lived in the long run ambiguity is much more potent most of us are much too obvious instead be hard to figure out send mixed signals both tough and tender both spiritual and earthy both innocent and cunning a mix of qualities suggests depth which fascinates even as it confuses an elusive enigmatic aura will make people want to know more drawing them into your circle create such a power by hinting it something contradictory within you nothing can proceed in seduction unless you can attract and hold your victim's attention your physical presence becoming a haunting mental presence it is actually quite easy to create that first stir an alluring style of dress a suggestive glance something extreme about you but what happens next our minds are barraged with images not just from media but from the disorder of daily life and many of these images are quite striking you become just one more thing screaming for attention your attractiveness will pass unless you spark the more enduring kind of spell that makes people think of you in your absence that means engaging their imaginations making them think there is more to you than what they see once they start embellishing your image with their fantasies they are hooked this must however be done early on before your targets know too much and their impressions of you are set it should occur the moment they lay eyes on you by sending mixed signals in that first encounter you create a little surprise a little tension you seem to be one thing innocent brash intellectual witty but you also throw them a glimpse of something else devilish shy spontaneous sad keep things subtle if the second quality is too strong you will seem schizophrenic but make them wonder why you might be shy or sad underneath your brash intellectual wit and you will have their attention give them an ambiguity that lets them see what they want to see capture their imagination with little voyeuristic glimpses into your dark soul to capture and hold attention you need to show attributes that go against your physical appearance creating depth and mystery if you have a sweet face and an innocent air flat out hints of something dark even vaguely cruel in your character it is not advertised in your words but in your manner the actor errol flynn had a boyishly angelic face and a slight air of sadness beneath this outward appearance however women could sense an underlying cruelty a criminal streak an exciting kind of dangerousness this play of contrary qualities attracted obsessive interest the female equivalent is the type epitomized by marilyn monroe she had the face and voice of a little girl but something sexual and naughty emanated powerfully from her as well playing with gender roles is a kind of intriguing paradox that has a long history in seduction the greatest don juans have had a touch of prettiness and femininity and the most attractive courtesans have had a masculine streak the strategy though is only powerful when the under quality is merely hinted at if the mix is too obvious or striking it will seem bizarre or even threatening the great seventeenth century french quarters and ninon de long claw was decidedly feminine in appearance yet everyone who met her was struck by a touch of aggressiveness and independence in her but just a touch the late 19th century italian novelist gabrielle dinunzio was certainly masculine in his approaches but there was a gentleness a consideration mixed in and an interest in feminine finery a potent variation on this theme is the blending of physical heat and emotional coldness dandies like beau brummel and andy warhol combine striking physical appearances with a kind of coldness of manner a distance from everything and everyone they are both enticing and elusive and people spend lifetimes chasing after such men trying to shatter their unattainability the power of apparently unattainable people is devilishly seductive we want to be the one to break them down they also wrap themselves in ambiguity and mystery either talking very little or talking only of surface matters hinting at a depth of character you can never reach when marlena dietrich entered a room or arrived at a party all eyes inevitably turned to her first there were her startling clothes chosen to make heads turn then there was her heir of nonchalant indifference men and women too became obsessed with her thinking of her long after other memories of the evening had faded remember that first impression that entrance is critical to show too much desire for attention is to signal insecurity and will often drive people away play it too cold and disinterested on the other hand and no one will bother coming near the trick is to combine the two attitudes at the same moment it is the essence of coca-tree perhaps you have a reputation for a particular quality which immediately comes to mind when people see you you will better hold their attention by suggesting that behind this reputation some other quality lies lurking these principles have applications far beyond sexual seduction to hold the attention of a broad public to seduce them into thinking about you you need to mix your signals display too much of one quality even if it is a noble one like knowledge or efficiency and people will feel that you lack humanity we're all complex and ambiguous full of contradictory impulses if you show only one side even if it's your good side you will wear on people's nerves they will suspect you are a hypocrite mahatma gandhi a saintly figure openly confessed to feelings of anger and vengefulness john f kennedy the most seductive american public figure of modern times was a walking paradox an east coast aristocrat with the love of the common man an obviously masculine man a war hero with a vulnerability you could sense underneath an intellectual who loved popular culture people were drawn to kennedy a bright surface may have a decorative charm but what draws your eye into a painting is a depth of field and inexpressible ambiguity a surreal complexity four appear to be an object of desire create triangles we are social creatures and are immensely influenced by the tastes and desires of other people imagine a large social gathering you see a man alone whom nobody talks to for any length of time and who is wandering around without company isn't there a kind of self-fulfilling isolation about him why is he alone why is he avoided there has to be a reason until someone takes pity on this man and starts up a conversation with him he will look unwanted and unwantable but over there in another corner is a woman surrounded by people they laugh at her remarks and as they laugh others join the group attracted by its gaiety when she moves around people follow her face is glowing with attention there has to be a reason in both cases of course that doesn't actually have to be a reason at all the neglected man may have quite charming qualities supposing you ever talk to him but most likely you won't desirability is a social illusion its source is less what you say or do or any kind of bowstick or self advertisement than the sense that other people desire you to turn your target's interest into something deeper into desire you must make them see you as a person whom others cherish and covet desire is both imitative we like what others like and competitive we want to take away from others what they have as children we wanted to monopolize the attention of a parent to draw it away from other siblings this sense of rivalry pervades human desire repeating throughout our lives make people compete for your attention make them see you as sought after by everyone else the aura of desirability will envelop you your admirers can be friends or even suitors call it the harem effect pauline bonaparte sister of napoleon raised her value in men's eyes by always having a group of worshipful men around her at balls and parties if she went for a walk it was never with one man always with two or three perhaps these men were simply friends or even just props and hangers on the side of them was enough to suggest that she was prized and desired a woman worth fighting over andy warhol too surrounded himself with the most glamorous interesting people he could find to be part of his inner circle meant that you were desirable as well by placing himself in the middle but keeping himself aloof from it all he made everyone compete for his attention he stirred people's desire to possess him by holding back practices like these not only stimulate competitive desires they take aim at people's prime weakness their vanity and self-esteem we can endure feeling that another person has more talent or more money but the sense that a rival is more desirable than we are that is unbearable in the early eighteenth century the duke derisha year a great rake managed to seduce a young woman who was rather religious but whose husband adult was often away he then proceeded to seduce her upstairs neighbor a young widow when the two women discovered that he was going from one to the other in the same night they confronted him a lesser man would have fled but not the duke he understood the dynamic of vanity and desire neither woman wanted to feel that he preferred the other and so he managed to arrange a little menage a trois knowing that now they would struggle between themselves to be the favorite when people's vanity is at risk you can make them do whatever you want if there is a woman you are interested in pay attention to her sister that will stir a triangular desire your reputation your illustrious past as a seducer is an effective way of creating an aura of desirability women threw themselves at errol flynn's feet not because of his handsome face and certainly not because of his acting skills but because of his reputation they knew that other women had found him irresistible once he had established that reputation he did not have to chase women anymore they came to him men who believe that a rakish reputation will make women fear or distrust them and should be played down are quite wrong on the contrary it makes them more attractive the virtuous duchess de mon possier the grand man moiselle of 17th century france began by enjoying a friendship with the rake lausanne but a troubling thought soon occurred to her if a man with lausanne's past did not see her as a possible lover something had to be wrong with her this anxiety eventually pushed her into his arms to be part of a great seducers club of conquests can be a matter of vanity and pride we are happy to be in such company to have our name broadcast as this man or this woman's lover your own reputation may not be so alluring but you must find a way to suggest to your victim that others many others have found you desirable it is reassuring there is nothing like a restaurant full of empty tables to persuade you not to go in a variation on the triangle strategy is the use of contrasts careful exploitation of people who are dull or unattractive may enhance your desirability by comparison at a social affair for instance make sure your target has to chat with the most boring person available come to the rescue and your target will be delighted to see you to make use of contrasts either develop and display those attractive attributes humor vivacity and so on that are the scarcest in your own social group or choose a group in which your natural qualities are rare and will shine the use of contrasts has vast political ramifications for a political figure must also seduce and seem desirable learn to play up the qualities that your rivals lack peter ii czar in 18th century russia was arrogant and irresponsible so his wife catherine the great did all she could do to seem modest and dependable when vladimir lenin returned to russia in 1917 after czar nicholas ii had been deposed he made a show of decisiveness and discipline precisely what no other leader had at the time in the american presidential race of 1980 the irresoluteness of jimmy carter made the single-mindedness of ronald reagan look desirable contrasts are eminently seductive because they do not depend on your own words or advertisements the public reads them unconsciously and sees what it wants to see finally appearing to be desired by others will raise your value but often how you carry yourself can influence this as well don't let your targets see you so often keep your distance seem unattainable out of their reach an object that is rare and hard to obtain is generally more prized five create a need stir anxiety and discontent a perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced tension and disharmony must be instilled in your target's minds stir within them feelings of discontent and unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves their life lacks adventure they have strayed from the ideals of their youth they have become boring the feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself to make them see you as the answer to their problems pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure learn to manufacture the need that you can fill everyone wears a mask in society we pretend to be more sure of ourselves than we are we don't want other people to glimpse that doubting self within us in truth our egos and personalities are much more fragile than they appear to be they cover up feelings of confusion and emptiness as a seducer you must never mistake a person's appearance for the reality people are always susceptible to being seduced because in fact everyone lacks a sense of completeness feels something missing deep inside bring their doubts and anxieties to the surface and they can be led and lured to follow you no one can see you as someone to follow or fall in love with unless they first reflect on themselves somehow and on what they are missing before the seduction proceeds you must place a mirror in front of them in which they glimpse that inner emptiness made aware of a lack they now can focus on you as the person who can fill that empty space remember most of us are lazy to relieve our feelings of boredom or inadequacy on our own takes too much effort letting someone else do the job is both easier and more exciting the desire to have someone fill up our emptiness is the weakness on which all seducers pray make people anxious about the future make them depressed make them question their identity make them sense the boredom that gnaws at their life the ground is prepared the seeds of seduction can be sown cleopatra got julius caesar to sleep with her the first night he met her but the real seduction the one that made him her slave began later in their ensuing conversations she talked repeatedly of alexander the great the hero from whom she supposedly descended no one could compare to him by implication caesar was made to feel inferior understanding that beneath his bravado caesar was insecure cleopatra awakened in him an anxiety a hunger to prove his greatness once he felt this way he was easily further seduced doubts about his masculinity was his tender spot when caesar was assassinated cleopatra turned her sights on mark anthony one of caesar's successors in the leadership of rome anthony loved pleasure and spectacle and his tastes were crude she appeared to him first on her royal barge then whined and dined and banqueted him everything was geared to suggest to him the superiority of the egyptian way of life over the roman at least when it came to pleasure the romans were boring and unsophisticated by comparison and once anthony was made to feel how much he was missing in spending his time with his dull soldiers and his matronly roman wife he could be made to see cleopatra as the incarnation of all that was exciting he became her slave this is the lure of the exotic in your role of seducer try to position yourself as coming from outside as a stranger of sorts you represent change difference a breakup of routines make your victims feel that by comparison their lives are boring and their friends less interesting than they had thought there are many legends of don juan but they often describe him seducing a village girl by making her feel her life is horribly provincial he meanwhile wears glittering clothes and has a noble bearing strange and exotic he's always from somewhere else first she feels the boredom of her life then she sees him as her salvation remember people prefer to feel that if their life is uninteresting it's not because of themselves but because of their circumstances the dull people they know the town into which they were born once you make them feel the lure of the exotic seduct another devilishly seductive area to aim at is the victim's past to grow old is to renounce or compromise youthful ideals to become less spontaneous less alive in a way this knowledge lies dormant in all of us as a seducer you must bring it to the surface make it clear how far people have strayed from their past goals and ideals you in turn present yourself as representing that ideal as offering a chance to recapture lost youth through adventure through seduction old age is constantly seduced by youth but first the young people must make it clear what the older ones are missing how they have lost their ideals only then will they feel that the presence of the young will let them recapture that spark the rebellious spirit that age and society have conspired to repress this concept has infinite applications corporations and politicians know that they cannot seduce their public into buying what they want them to buy or doing what they want them to do unless they first awaken a sense of need and discontent make the masses uncertain about their identity and you can help define it for them it is as true of groups or nations as it is of individuals they can't be seduced without being made to feel some lack a group like an individual can get mired in routine losing track of its original goals too much prosperity saps it of strength you can seduce an entire nation by aiming at its collective insecurity that latent sense that not everything is what it seems stirring dissatisfaction with the present and reminding people about the glorious past can unsettle their sense of identity then you can be the one to redefine it a grand seduction six master the art of insinuation you can't pass through life without in one way or another trying to persuade people of something take the direct route saying exactly what you want and your honesty may make you feel good but you are probably not getting anywhere people have their own sets of ideas which are hardened into stone by habit your words entering their minds compete with the thousands of preconceived notions that are already there and get nowhere besides people resent your attempt to persuade them as if they were incapable of deciding by themselves as if you knew better consider instead the power of insinuation and suggestion it requires some patience and art but the results are more than worth it the way insinuation works is simple disguised in a banal remark or encounter a hint is dropped it is about some emotional issue a possible pleasure not yet attained a lack of excitement in a person's life the hint registers in the back of the target's mind a subtle stab at his or her insecurities its source is quickly forgotten it is too subtle to be memorable at the time and later when it takes root and grows it seems to have emerged naturally from the target's own mind as if it was there all along insinuation lets you bypass people's natural resistance for they seem to be listening only to what is originated in themselves it is a language on its own communicating directly with the unconscious no seducer no persuader can hope to succeed without mastering the language and art of insinuation slips of the tongue apparently inadvertent sleep on it comments alluring references statements for which you quickly apologize all of these have immense insinuating power they get under people's skin and take on a life of their own the key to succeeding with your insinuations is to make them when your targets are at their most relaxed or distracted so that they are not aware of what is happening polite banter is often the perfect front for this people are thinking about what they will say next or are absorbed in their own thoughts your insinuations will barely register which is how you want it in one of his early campaigns john f kennedy addressed a group of veterans kennedy's brave exploits during world war ii the pt-109 incident that made him a war hero were known to all but in the speech he talked of the other man on the boat never mentioning himself he knew however that what he had done was on everyone's mind because in fact he had put it there not only did his silence on the subject make them think of it on their own it made kennedy seem humble and modest qualities that go well with heroism in seduction as the french courtesan nino de lonclo advised it is better not to talk about your love for a person let your target read it in your manner your silence on the subject will have more insinuating power than if you had addressed it directly not only words insinuate pay attention to gestures and looks the face speaks its own language we're used to trying to read people's faces which are often better indicators of their feelings than what they say which is so easy to control since people are always reading your looks use them to transmit the insinuating finally the reason insinuation works so well is not just that it bypasses people's natural resistance it is also the language of pleasure there is too little mystery in the world too many people say exactly what they feel or want we yearn for something enigmatic for something to feed our fantasies because of the lack of suggestion and ambiguity in daily life the person who uses them suddenly seems to have something alluring and full of promise it's a kind of titillating game what is this person up to what does he mean or she mean hints suggestions and insinuations create a seductive atmosphere signaling that their victim is no longer involved in the routines of daily life but is entered into another realm seven enter their spirit one of the great sources of frustration in our lives is other people's stubbornness how hard it is to reach them to make them see things our way we often have the impression that when they seem to be listening to us and apparently agreeing with us it is all superficial the moment we are gone they revert to their own ideas we spend our lives butting up against people as if they were stone walls but instead of complaining about how misunderstood or ignored you are why not try something different instead of seeing other people as spiteful or indifferent instead of trying to figure out why they act the way they do look at them through the eyes of the seducer the way to lure people out of their natural intractability and self-obsession is to enter their spirit all of us are narcissists when we were children our narcissism was physical we were interested in our own image our own body as if it were a separate being as we grow older our narcissism grows more psychological we become absorbed in our own tastes opinions experiences a hard shell forms around us paradoxically the way to entice people out of this shell is to become more like them in fact a kind of mirror image of them you do not have to spend days studying their minds simply conform to their moods adapt to their tastes play along with whatever they send your way in doing so you will lower their natural defensiveness their sense of self-esteem does not feel threatened by your strangeness or different habits people truly love themselves but what they love most of all is to see their ideas and tastes reflected in another person this validates them their habitual insecurity vanishes hypnotized by their mirror image they relax now that their inner wall has crumbled you can slowly draw them out and eventually turn the dynamic around once they are open to you it becomes easy to infect them with your own moods and heat entering the other person's spirit is a kind of hypnosis it is the most insidious and effective form of persuasion known to man eight create temptation most of the time people struggle to maintain security and a sense of balance in their lives if they were always uprooting themselves in pursuit of every new person or fantasy that passed them by they could not survive the daily grind they usually win the struggle but it doesn't come easy the world is full of temptation they read about people who have more than they do about adventures others are having about people who have found wealth and happiness the security that they strive for and that they seem to have in their lives is actually an illusion it covers up a constant tension as a seducer you can never mistake people's appearance for reality you know that their fight to keep order in their lives is exhausting and that they are gnawed by doubts and regrets it is hard to be good and virtuous always having to repress the strongest desires with that knowledge in mind seduction is easier what people want is not temptation temptation happens every day what people want is to give in to temptation to yield that is the only way to get rid of the tension in their lives it costs much more to resist temptation than to surrender your task then is to create a temptation that is stronger than the daily variety it has to be focused on them aimed at them as individuals understand everyone has a principle weakness from which others stem find that childhood insecurity that lack in their life and you hold the key to tempting them their weakness may be greed vanity boredom some deeply repressed desire a hunger for forbidden fruit they signal it in little details that elude their conscious control their style of clothing and offhand comment their past and particularly their past romances will be littered with clues give them a potent temptation tailored to their weakness and you can make the hope of pleasure that you stir in them figure more prominently than the doubts and anxieties that accompany it many such social barriers are gone today so they have to be manufactured it is the only way to put spice into seduction taboos of any kind are a source of tension and they are psychological now not religious you are looking for some repression some secret desire that will make your victims squirm uncomfortably if you hit upon it but will tempt them all the more search in their past whatever they seem to fear or flee from might hold the key it could be a yearning for a mother or father figure or a latent homosexual desire perhaps you can satisfy that desire by presenting yourself as a masculine woman or a feminine man for others you play the lolita or the daddy someone they're not supposed to have the dark side of their personality keep the connection vague you want them to reach for something elusive something that comes out of their own mind phase two lead astray creating pleasure and confusion your victims are sufficiently intrigued and their desire for you is growing but their attachment is weak and at any moment they could decide to turn back the goal in this phase is to lead your victims so far astray keeping them emotional and confused giving them pleasure but making them want more that retreat is no longer possible springing on them a pleasant surprise will make them see you as delightfully unpredictable but will also keep them off balance the artful use of soft and pleasant words will intoxicate them and stimulate fantasies aesthetic touches and pleasant little rituals would titillate their senses distract their minds your greatest danger in this phase is the mere hint of routine or familiarity you need to maintain some mystery to keep a little distance so that in your absence your victims become obsessed with you they may realize that they are falling for you but they must never suspect how much of this has come from your manipulations a well-timed display of your weakness of how emotional you have become under their influence will help cover your tracks to excite your victims and make them highly emotional you must give them the feeling that they are actually living some of the fantasies you have stirred in their imagination by giving them only a part of the fantasy you will keep them coming back for more focusing your attention on them so that the rest of the world fades away even taking them on a trip will lead them far astray there is no turning back nine keep them in suspense what comes next the moment people feel they know what to expect from you your spell on them is broken more you have seeded them power the only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense a calculated surprise people love a mystery and this is the key to luring them further into your web behave in a way that leaves them wondering what are you up to doing something they don't expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity they will not be able to foresee what comes next you are always one step ahead and in control give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction a child is usually a willful stubborn creature who will deliberately do the opposite of what we ask but there is one scenario in which children will happily give up their usual willfulness when they are promised a surprise perhaps it is a present hidden in a box a game with an unforeseeable ending a journey with an unknown destination a suspenseful story with a surprise finish in those moments when children are waiting for a surprise their willpower is suspended they are in your thrall for as long as you dangle possibility before them this childish habit is buried deep within us and is the source of an elemental human pleasure being led by a person who knows where they are going and who takes us we get a similar thrill when we watch a movie or read a thriller we are in the hands of a director or author who is leading us along taking us through twists and turns we stay in our seats we turn the pages happily enslaved by the suspense it is the pleasure a woman has in being led by a confident dancer letting go of any defensiveness she may feel and letting another person do the work falling in love involves anticipation we are about to head off in a new direction enter a new life where everything will be strange the seduced wants to be led to be carried along like a child if you are predictable the charm wears off everyday life is predictable not only does suddenness create a seductive jolt it conceals manipulations appear somewhere unexpectedly say or do something sudden and people will not have time to figure out that your move was calculated take them to some new place as if it only just occurred to you suddenly reveals some secret made emotionally vulnerable they will be too bewildered to see through you anything that happens suddenly seems natural and anything that seems natural has a seductive charm finally you might think it wiser to present yourself as someone reliable not given to caprice if so you are in fact merely timid it takes courage and effort to mount a seduction reliability is fine for drawing people in but stay reliable and you stay aboard dogs are reliable a seducer is not if on the other hand you prefer to improvise imagining that any kind of planning or calculation is antithetical to the spirit of surprise you are making a grave mistake constant improvisation simply means you are lazy and thinking only about yourself what often seduces a person is the feeling that you have expended effort on their behalf you don't need to trumpet this too loudly but make it clear in the gifts you make the little journeys you plan the little teases you lure people with little efforts like these will be more than amply rewarded by the conquest of the heart and willpower of the seduced 10. use the demonic power of words to sow confusion we rarely think before we talk it is human nature to say the first thing that comes into our head and usually what comes first is something about ourselves we primarily use words to express our own feelings ideas and opinions also to complain and to argue this is because we are generally self-absorbed the person who interests us most is our own self to a certain extent this is inevitable and through much of our lives there is nothing much wrong with it we can function quite well this way in seduction however it limits our potential you can't seduce without an ability to get outside your own skin and inside another person's piercing their psychology the key to seductive language is not the words you utter or your seductive tone of voice it is a radical shift in perspective and habit you have to stop saying the first thing that comes to your mind you have to control the urge to prattle and vent your opinions the key is to see words as a tool not for communicating true thoughts and feelings but for confusing delighting and intoxicating the difference between normal language and seductive language is like the difference between noise and music noise is a constant in modern life something irritating we tune out if we can our normal language is like noise people may half listen to us as we go on about ourselves but just as often their thoughts are a million miles away every now and then their ears prick up when something we say touches on them but this lasts only until we return to yet another story about ourselves as early as childhood we learn to tune out this kind of noise particularly when it comes from our parents music on the other hand is seductive and gets under our skin it is intended for pleasure a melody or a rhythm stays in our blood for days after we have heard it altering our moods and emotions relaxing or exciting us to make music instead of noise you must say things that please things that relate to people's lives that touch their vanity if they have many problems you can produce the same effect by distracting them focusing their attention away from themselves by saying things that are witty and entertaining or that make the future seem bright and hopeful promises and flattery are music to anyone's ears this is language designed to move people and lower their resistance it is language designed for them not flattery is seductive language in its purest form its purpose is not to express a truth or a real feeling but only to create an effect on the recipient learn to aim your flattery directly at a person's insecurities for instance if a man is a fine actor and feels confident about his professional skills to flatter him about his acting will have little effect and may even accomplish the opposite he could feel that he is above the need to have his ego stroked and your flattery will seem to say otherwise but let us say that this actor is an amateur musician or painter he does this work on his own without professional support or publicity and he is well aware that others make their living at it flattery of his artistic pretensions will go straight to his head and earn you double points learn to sniff out the parts of a person's ego that need validation make it a surprise something no one else has thought to flatter before something you can describe as a talent or positive quality that others have not noticed speak with a little tremor as if your target's charms had overwhelmed you and made you emotional flattery can be a kind of verbal foreplay aphrodite's powers of seduction which were said to come from the magnificent girdle she wore involved a sweetness of language a skill with the soft flattering words that prepare the way for erotic thoughts insecurities and nagging self-doubts have a dampening effect on the libido make your targets feel secure and alluring through your flattering words and their resistance will melt away sometimes the most pleasant thing to hear is the promise of something wonderful a vague but rosy future that is just around the corner president franklin delano roosevelt in his public speeches talked little about specific programs for dealing with the depression instead he used rousing rhetoric to paint a picture of america's glorious future in the various legends of don juan the great seducer would immediately focus women's attention on the future a fantastic world to which he promised to whisk them off tailor your sweet words to your target's particular problems and fantasies promise something realizable something possible but do not make it too specific you are inviting them to dream if they are mired in dull routine talk of adventure preferably with you don't discuss how it will be accomplished speak as if it magically already existed somewhere in the future lift people's thoughts into the clouds and they will relax their defenses will come down and it will be that much easier to maneuver and lead them astray your words become a kind of elevating drug the most anti-seductive form of language is argument how many silent enemies do we create by arguing there is a superior way to get people to listen and be persuaded humor and a light touch the 19th century english politician benjamin disraeli was a master at this game in parliament to fail to reply to an accusation or slanderous comment was a deadly mistake silence meant the accuser was right yet to respond angrily to get into an argument was to look ugly and defensive disraeli used a different tactic he stayed calm when the time came to reply to an attack he would slowly make his way to the speaker's table pause and then utter a humorous or sarcastic retort everyone would laugh now that he had warmed people up he would proceed to refute his enemy still mixing in amusing comments or perhaps he would simply move on to another subject as if he were above it all his humor took out the sting of any attack on him laughter and applause have a domino effect once your listeners have laughed they are more likely to laugh again in this lighthearted mood they are also more apt to listen a subtle touch and a bit of irony give you room to persuade them move them to your side mock your enemies that is the seductive form perhaps you are not trying to whip a crowd into a frenzy you just want to bring people over to your side choose your strategy and words carefully you might think it is better to reason with people explain your ideas but it is hard for an audience to decide whether an argument is reasonable as they listen to you talk they have to concentrate and listen closely which requires great effort people are easily distracted by other stimuli and if they miss a part of your argument they will feel confused intellectually inferior and vaguely insecure it is more persuasive to appeal to people's hearts than their heads everyone shares emotions and no one feels inferior to a speaker who stirs up their feelings the crowd bonds together everyone contagiously experiencing the same emotions use changes of perspective to make your listeners feel what you're saying orchestrate your effects it is more effective to move from one emotion to another than to just hit one note the emotions you're trying to arouse should be strong ones don't speak of friendship and disagreement speak of love and hate and it is crucial to try to feel something of the emotions you're trying to elicit you will be more believable that way this shouldn't be difficult imagine the reasons for loving or hating before you speak if necessary think of something from your past that fills you with rage emotions are contagious it is easier to make someone cry if you are crying yourself make your voice an instrument and train it to communicate emotion learn to seem sincere napoleon studied the greatest actors of his time and when he was alone he would practice putting emotion into his voice the goal of seductive speech is often to create a kind of hypnosis you are distracting people lowering their defenses making them more vulnerable to suggestion learn the hypnotists lessons of repetition and affirmation key elements in putting a subject to sleep repetition involves using the same words over and over preferably a word with emotional content taxes liberals bigots the effect is mesmerizing ideas can be permanently implanted in people's unconscious simply by being repeated often enough affirmation is simply the making of strong positive statements like the hypnotists commands seductive language should have a kind of boldness which will cover up a multitude of sins your audience will be so caught up in your bold language that they won't have time to reflect on whether or not it is true never say i don't think the other side made a wise decision say we deserve better or they have made a mess of things affirmative language is active language full of verbs imperatives and short sentences cut out i believe perhaps in my opinion head straight for the heart you are learning to speak a different kind of language most people employ symbolic language their words stand for something real the feelings ideas and beliefs they really have or they stand for concrete things in the real world the origin of the word symbolic lies in a greek word meaning to bring things together in this case a word and something real as a seducer you are using the opposite diabolic language your words don't stand for anything real their sound and the feelings they evoke are more important than what they are supposed to stand for the word diabolic ultimately means to separate to throw things apart hear words and reality the more you make people focus on your sweet sounding language and on the illusions and fantasies it conjures the more you diminish their contact with reality you lead them into the clouds where it is hard to distinguish truth from untruth real from unreal keep your words vague and ambiguous so people are never quite sure what you mean envelope them in demonic diabolic language and they will not be able to focus on your maneuvers on the possible consequences of your seduction and the more they lose themselves in illusion the easier it will be to lead them astray and seduce them eleven pay attention to detail lofty words and grand gestures can be suspicious why are you trying so hard to please the details of a seduction the subtle gestures the offhand things you do are often more charming and revealing you must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals thoughtful gifts tailored just for them clothes and adornments designed to please them gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them all of their senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate create spectacles to dazzle their eyes mesmerized by what they see they will not notice what you are really up to learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details when we were children our senses were much more active the colors of a new toy or a spectacle such as a circus held us in thrall a smell or a sound could fascinate us in the games we created many of them reproducing something in the adult world on a smaller scale what pleasure we took in orchestrating every detail we noticed everything as we grow older our senses get dulled we no longer notice as much for we are constantly hurrying to get things done to move on to the next task in seduction you are always trying to bring the target back to the golden moments of childhood a child is less rational more easily deceived a child is also more attuned to the pleasures of the senses so when your targets are with you you must never give them the feeling that they normally get in the real world where we are all rushed ruthless out for ourselves you need to deliberately slow things down and return them to the simpler times of their youth the details that you orchestrate colors gifts little ceremonies are aimed at their senses at the childish delight we take in the immediate charms of the natural world their senses filled with delightful things they grow less capable of reason and rationality pay attention to detail and you will find yourself assuming a slower pace your targets will not focus on what you might be after sexual favors power etc because you seem so considerate so attentive in the childish realm of the senses in which you envelop them they get a clear sense that you are involving them in something distinct from the real world an essential ingredient of seduction remember the more you get people to focus on the little things the less they will notice your larger direction the seduction will assume the slow hypnotic pace of a ritual in which the details have a heightened importance and the moments are full of ceremony since time immemorial women have known that within the most apparently self-possessed man is an animal whom they can lead by filling his senses with the proper physical yours the key is to attack on as many fronts as possible don't ignore your voice your gestures your walk your clothes your glances some of the most alluring women in history have so distracted their victims with sensual detail that the men failed to notice it is all an illusion from the 1940s on into the early 1960s pamela churchill harriman had a series of affairs with some of the most prominent and wealthy men in the world avril harriman whom years later she married johnny agnelli heir to the fiat fortune baron ellie de roth's child what attracted these men and kept them enthrall was not her beauty or her lineage or her vivacious personality but her extraordinary attention to detail it began with her attentive look as she listened to your every word soaking up your tastes once she found her way into your home she would fill it with your favorite flowers get your chef to cook that dish you had tasted only in the finest restaurants you mentioned an artist you liked a few days later that artist would be attending one of your parties she found the perfect antiques for you dressed in the way that most pleased or excited you and she did this without your saying a word she spied gathered information from third parties overheard you talking to someone else harriman's attention to detail had an intoxicating effect on all the men in her life it had something in common with the pampering of a mother there to bring order and comfort into their lives attending to their needs life is harsh and competitive attending to detail in a way that is soothing to the other person makes them dependent on you the key is probing their needs in a way that is not too obvious so that when you make precisely the right gesture it seems uncanny as if you had read their mind this is another way of returning your targets to childhood when all of everything in seduction is a sign nothing more so than clothes it is not that you have to dress interestingly elegantly or provocatively but that you have to dress for your target have to appeal to your target's tastes when cleopatra was seducing marc anthony her dress was not brazenly sexual she dressed as a greek goddess knowing his weakness for such fantasy figures madame de pompadour the mistress of king louis xv knew the king's weakness his chronic boredom she constantly wore different clothes changing not only their color but their style supplying the king with a constant feast for his eyes pamela harriman was subdued in the fashion she wore befitting her role as a high society geisha and reflecting the sober tastes of the men she seduced contrast works well here at work or at home you might dress nonchalantly marilyn monroe for example wore jeans in a t-shirt at home but when you are with the target you wear something elaborate as if you were putting on a costume your cinderella transformation will stir excitement and the feeling that you have done something just for the person you are with whenever your attention is individualized you would not dress like that for anyone else it is infinitely more seductive in the 1870s queen victoria found herself wooed by benjamin disraeli her own prime minister disraeli's words were flattering and his men are insinuating he also sent her flowers valentine's gifts but not just any flowers or gifts the kind that most men would send the flowers were primroses symbols of their simple yet beautiful friendship from then on whenever victoria saw a primrose she thought of disraeli or he would write on a valentine that he no longer in the sunset but the twilight of his existence must encounter a life of anxiety and toil but this too has its romance when he remembers that he labors for the most gracious of beings or he might send her a little box with no inscription but with a heart transfixed by an arrow on one side and the word fideliter or faithfully on the other victoria fell in love with israeli a gift has immense seductive power but the object itself is less important than the gesture and the subtle thought or emotion that it communicates perhaps the choice relates to something from the target's past or symbolizes something between you or merely represents the lengths you will go to please it was not the money israeli spent that impressed victoria but the time he took to find the appropriate thing or make the appropriate gesture expensive gifts have no sentiment attached they may temporarily excite their recipient but they are quickly forgotten as a child forgets a new toy the object that reflects its giver's attentiveness has a lingering sentimental power which resurfaces every time its owner sees it finally words are important in seduction and have a great deal of power to confuse distract and boost the vanity of the target but what is most seductive in the long run is what you do not say what you communicate indirectly words come easily and people distrust them anyone can say the right words and once they are said nothing is binding and they may even be forgotten altogether the gesture the thoughtful gift the little details seem much more real and substantial they are also much more charming than lofty words about love precisely because they speak for themselves and let the seduced read into them more than is there never tell someone what you are feeling let them guess it in your looks and gestures that is the more convincing language 12. poeticize your presence we all have a self image that is more flattering than the truth we think of ourselves as more generous selfless honest kindly intelligent or good looking than in fact we are it is extremely difficult for us to be honest with ourselves about our own limitations we have a desperate need to idealize ourselves as the writer angela carter remarks we would rather align ourselves with angels than with the higher primates from which we are actually descended this need to idealize extends to our romantic entanglements because when we fall in love or under the spell of another person we see a reflection of ourselves the choice we make in deciding to become involved with another person reveals something important and intimate about us we resist seeing ourselves as having fallen for someone who is cheap or tacky or tasteless because it reflects badly on who we are furthermore we are often likely to fall for someone who resembles us in some way should that person be deficient or worst of all ordinary then there is something deficient and ordinary about us no at all costs the loved one must be overvalued and idealized at least for the sake of our own self-esteem besides in a world that is harsh and full of disappointment it is a great pleasure to be able to fantasize about a person you are involved with this makes the seducers task easy people are dying to be given the chance to fantasize about you don't spoil this golden opportunity by over exposing yourself or becoming so familiar and banal that the target sees you exactly as you are you do not have to be an angel or a paragon of virtue that would be quite boring you can be dangerous naughty even somewhat vulgar depending on the tastes of your victim but never be ordinary or limited in poetry as opposed to reality anything is possible soon after we fall under a person's spell we form an image in our minds of who they are and what pleasures they might offer thinking of them when we are alone we tend to make this image more and more idealized remember if you're easily had you can't be worth that much it's hard to wax poetic about a person who comes so cheaply if after the initial interest you make it clear that you can't be taken for granted if you stir a bit of doubt the target will imagine there is something special lofty and unattainable about you your image will crystallize in the other person's mind any kind of heightened experience artistic or spiritual lingers in the mind much longer than normal experience you must find a way to share such moments with your targets a concert a play a spiritual encounter whatever it takes so that they associate something elevated with you shared moments of exuberance have immense seductive pull also any kind of object can be imbued with poetic resonance and sentimental associations as discussed in the last section the gifts you give and other objects can become imbued with your presence if they are associated with pleasant memories the sight of them keeps you in mind and accelerates the poeticization process although it is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder an absence too early will prove deadly to the crystallization process you must surround your targets with focused attention so that in those critical moments when they are alone their mind is spinning with a kind of afterglow do everything you can to keep the target thinking about you letters mementos gifts unexpected meetings all of these give you an omnipresence everything must remind them of you finally if your target should see you as elevated and poetic there is much to be gained by making them feel elevated and poeticized in their turn the french writer chateaubriand would make a woman feel like a goddess she had such a powerful effect on him he would send her poems that she supposedly had inspired to make queen victoria feel as if she were both a seductive woman and a great leader benjamin disraeli would compare her to mythological figures and great predecessors such as queen elizabeth the first by idealizing your targets this way you will make them idealize you in return since you must be equally great to be able to appreciate and see all of their fine qualities they will also grow addicted to the elevated feeling you give them 13. disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion the best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger if you seem to be weak vulnerable enthralled by the other person and unable to control yourself you will make your actions look more natural less calculated physical weakness tears bashfulness paleness will help create the effect to further win trust exchange honesty for virtue establish your sincerity by confessing some sin on your part it doesn't have to be real sincerity is more important than goodness play the victim then transform your target sympathy into love we all have weaknesses vulnerabilities frailnesses in our mental makeup perhaps we are shy or over sensitive or need attention whatever the weakness is it is something we cannot control we may try to compensate for it or to hide it but this is often a mistake people sense something inauthentic or unnatural remember what is natural to your character is inherently seductive a person's vulnerability what they seem to be unable to control is often what is most seductive about them people who display no weaknesses on the other hand often elicit envy fear and anger we want to sabotage them just to bring them down don't struggle against your vulnerabilities or try to repress them but put them into play learn to transform them into power the game is subtle if you wallow in your weakness over play your hand you will be seen as angling for sympathy or worse as pathetic no what works best is to allow people an occasional glimpse into the soft frail side of your character and usually only after they have known you for a while that glimpse will humanize you lowering their suspicions and preparing the ground for a deeper attachment normally strong and in control at moments you let go give in to your weakness let them see it there are fears and insecurities peculiar to each sex your use of strategic weakness must always take these differences into account a woman for instance may be attracted by a man's strength and self-confidence but too much of it can create fear seeming unnatural even ugly particularly intimidating is the sense that the man is cold and unfeeling she may feel insecure that he is only after sex and nothing else male seducers long ago learned to become more feminine to show their emotions and to seem interested in their targets lives the medieval troubadours were the first to master this strategy they wrote poetry in honor of women emoted endlessly about their feelings and spent hours in their ladies boudoirs listening to the women's complaints and soaking up their spirit in return for their willingness to play weak the troubadours earned the right to love little has changed since then some of the greatest seducers in recent history understood the value of acting slavishly to a woman like a troubadour on bended knee the key is to indulge your softer side while still remaining as masculine as possible this may include an occasional show of bashfulness an extremely seductive tactic for a man it gives the woman a sense of comfort and even of superiority remember though to keep everything in moderation a glimpse of shyness is sufficient too much of it and the target will despair afraid that you will end up having to do all the work a man's fears and insecurities often concern his sense of masculinity he usually will feel threatened by a woman who is too overtly manipulative who is too much in control the greatest seductresses in history knew how to cover up their manipulations by playing the little girl in need of masculine protection the women were the ones in control of the dynamic boosting a man's sense of masculinity in order to ultimately enslave him to make this most effective a woman should seem both in need of protection and sexually excitable giving the man his the empress josephine wife of napoleon bonaparte won dominance over her husband early on through a calculated coca tree later on though she held on to that power through her constant and not so innocent use of tears seeing someone cry usually has an immediate effect on our emotions we can't remain neutral we feel sympathy and most often will do anything to stop the tears including things that we normally wouldn't do weeping is an incredibly potent tactic but the weeper is not always so innocent there is usually something real behind the tears but there may also be an element of acting of playing for effect and if the target senses this the tactic is doomed beyond the emotional impact of tears there is something seductive about sadness we want to comfort the other person as torvell discovered that desire quickly turns into love affecting sadness even crying sometimes has great strategic value even for a man it is a skill you can learn use tears sparingly and save them for the right moment perhaps this might be a time when the target seems suspicious of your motives or when you are worrying about having no effect on him or her tears are a sure barometer of how deeply the other person is falling for you if they seem annoyed or resist the bait your case is probably hopeless in social and political situations seeming too ambitious or too controlled will make people fear you it is crucial to show your soft side the display of a single weakness will hide a multitude of manipulations emotion or even tears will work here too most seductive of all is playing the victim for his first speech in parliament benjamin israeli prepared an elaborate oration but when he delivered it the opposition yelled and laughed so loudly that hardly any of it could be heard he plowed ahead and gave the whole speech and by the time he sat down he felt he had failed miserably much to his amazement his colleagues told him the speech was a marvelous success it would have been a failure if he had complained or given up but by going ahead as he did he positioned himself as the victim of a cruel and unreasonable faction almost everyone sympathized with him now which would serve him well in the future attacking your mean-spirited opponents can make you seem ugly as well instead soak up their blows and play the victim the public will rally to your side in an emotional response that will lay the groundwork for a grand political seduction 14. confuse desire and reality the perfect illusion the real world can be unforgiving events occur over which we have little control other people ignore our feelings in their quests to get what they need time runs out before we accomplish what we had wanted if we ever stopped to look at the present and future in a completely objective way we would despair fortunately we developed the habit of dreaming early on in this other mental world that we inhabit the future is full of rosy possibilities perhaps tomorrow we will sell that brilliant idea or meet the person who will change our lives our culture stimulates these fantasies with constant images and stories of marvelous occurrences and happy romances the problem is these images and fantasies exist only in our minds or on screen they really aren't enough we crave the real thing not this endless daydreaming and titillation your task as a seducer is to bring some flesh and blood into someone's fantasy life by embodying a fantasy figure or creating a scenario resembling that person's dreams no one can resist the pull of a secret desire that has come to life before their eyes you must first choose targets who have some repression or dream unrealized always the most likely victims of a seduction slowly and gradually you will build up the illusion that they are getting to see and feel and live those dreams of theirs once they have this sensation they will lose contact with reality and begin to see your fantasy as more real than anything else most people have a misconception about illusion as any magician knows it need not be built out of anything grand or theatrical the grand and theatrical can in fact be destructive calling too much attention to you and your schemes instead create the appearance of normality once your targets feel secure nothing is out of the ordinary you have room to deceive them in animating a fantasy the great mistake is imagining that it must be larger than life that would border on camp which is entertaining but rarely seductive instead what you aim for is what freud called the uncanny something strange and familiar at the same time like a deja vu or a childhood memory anything slightly irrational and dreamlike the uncanny the mix of the real and the unreal has immense power over our imaginations the fantasies you bring to life for your targets should not be bizarre or exceptional they should be rooted in reality with a hint of the strange the theatrical the occult in talk of destiny for example you vaguely remind people of something in their childhood or a character in a film or book the secret to creating an uncanny effect is to keep it subtle role-playing is immensely pleasurable its appeal goes back to childhood where we first learn the thrill of trying on different parts imitating adults or figures out of fiction as we get older and society fixes a role on us a part of us yearns for the playful approach we once had the masks we were able to wear we still want to play that game to act a different role in life indulge your targets in this wish by first making it clear that you are playing a role then inviting them to join you in a shared fantasy the more you set things up like a play or a piece of fiction the better everyone has lost something in life has felt the pangs of disappointment the idea that we can get something back that a mistake can be righted is immensely seductive the mind is infinitely vulnerable to suggestion and even more so when strong desires are involved and nothing is stronger than the desire to change the past right or wrong satisfy a disappointment find these desires in your victim and creating a believable fantasy will be simple for you few have the power to see through an illusion they desperately want to believe in 15. isolate the victim an isolated person is weak by slowly isolating your victims you make them more vulnerable to your influence their isolation may be psychological by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them you crowd out everything else in their mind they see and think only of you the isolation may also be physical you take them away from their normal milieu friends family home give them the sense of being marginalized in limbo they are leaving one world behind and entering another once isolated like this they have no outside support and in their confusion they are easily led astray you're the seduced into your lair where nothing is familiar the people around you may seem strong and more or less in control of their lives but that is merely a facade underneath people are more brittle than they let on what lets them seem strong is a series of nests and safety nets they envelop themselves in their friends their families their daily routines which give them a feeling of continuity safety and control suddenly pull the rug out from under them drop them alone into some foreign place where the familiar signposts are gone or scrambled and you will see a very different person a target who is strong and settled is hard to seduce but even the strongest people can be made vulnerable if you can isolate them from their nests and safety nets block out their friends and family with your constant presence alienate them from the world they are used to and take them to places they do not know get them to spend time in your environment deliberately disturb their habits get them to do things they have never done they will grow emotional making it easier to lead them astray disguise all this in the form of a pleasurable experience and your targets will wake up one day distanced from everything that normally comforts them then they will turn to you for help like a child crying out for its mother when the lights are turned out in seduction as in warfare the isolated target is weak and vulnerable your worst enemies in a seduction are often your targets family and friends they are outside your circle and immune to your charms they may provide a voice of reason to the seduced you must work silently and subtly to alienate the target from them insinuate that they are jealous of your target's good fortune in finding you or that they are parental figures who have lost a taste for adventure the latter argument is extremely effective with young people whose identities are in flux and who are more than ready to rebel against any authority figure particularly their parents you represent excitement and life the friends and parents represent habit and boredom murder is not a seductive tactic but the seducer does enact a kind of killing a psychological one our past attachments are a barrier to the present even people we have left behind can continue to have a hold on us as a seducer you will be held up to the past compared to previous suitors perhaps found inferior don't let it get to that point crowd out the past with your attentions in the present if necessary find ways to disparage their previous lovers subtly or not so subtly depending on the situation even go so far as to open old wounds making them feel old pain and seeing by contrast how much better the present is the more you can isolate them from their past the deeper they will sink with you into the present the principle of isolation can be taken literally by whisking the target off to an exotic locale islands cut off from the rest of the world have always been associated with the pursuit of sensual pleasures the roman emperor tiberius descended into debauchery once he made his home on the island of capri the danger of travel is that your targets are intimately exposed to you it is hard to maintain an air of mystery but if you take them to a place alluring enough to distract them you will prevent them from focusing on anything banal in your character cleopatra your julius caesar into taking a voyage down the nile moving deeper into egypt he was further isolated from rome and cleopatra was all the more seductive the early 20th century lesbian seductress natalie barney had an on-again-off-again affair with the poet renee vivian to regain her affections she took renee on a trip to the island of lesbos a place natalie had visited many times in doing so she not only isolated renee but disarmed and distracted her with the associations of the place the home of the legendary lesbian poet sappho vivian even began to imagine that natalie was sappho herself don't take the target just anywhere pick the place that will have the most effective associations the seductive power of isolation goes beyond the sexual realm when new adherents joined mahatma gandhi's circle of devoted followers they were encouraged to cut off their ties with the past with their family and friends this kind of renunciation has been a requirement of many religious sects over the centuries people who isolate themselves in this way are much more vulnerable to influence and persuasion a charismatic politician feeds off and even encourages people's feelings of alienation john f kennedy did this to great effect when he subtly disparaged the eisenhower years the comfort of the 1950s he implied compromised american ideals he invited americans to join him in a new life on a new frontier full of danger and excitement it was an extremely seductive lure particularly for the young who were kennedy's most enthusiastic supporters finally at some point in the seduction there must be a hint of danger in the mix your target should feel that they are gaining a great adventure in following you but are also losing something a part of their past their cherished comfort actively encourage these ambivalent feelings an element of fear is the proper spice although too much fear is debilitating in small doses it makes us feel alive like diving out of an airplane it is exciting a thrill at the same time that it is a little frightening and the only person there to break the fall or to catch them is you phase three the precipice deepening the effect through extreme measures the goal in this phase is to make everything deeper the effect you have on their mind feelings of love and attachment tension within your victims with your hooks deep into them you can push them back and forth between hope and despair until they weaken and snap showing how far you are willing to go for your victims doing some noble or chivalrous deed will create a powerful jolt spark an intensely positive reaction everyone has scars repressed desires and unfinished business from childhood bring these desires and wounds to the surface make your victims feel that they are getting what they never got as a child and you will penetrate deep into their psyche stir uncontrollable emotions now you could take your victims past their limits getting them to act out their dark sides adding a sense of danger to your seduction you need to deepen the spell and nothing will more confuse and enchant your victims than giving your seduction a spiritual veneer it is not lust that motivates you but destiny divine thoughts and everything elevated the erotic lurks beneath the spiritual now your victims have been properly set up by deliberately hurting them instilling fears and anxieties you will lead them to the edge of the precipice from which it will be easy to push and make them fall they feel great tension and are yearning for relief 16. prove yourself anyone can talk big say lofty things about their feelings insist on how much they care for us and also for all oppressed peoples in the far reaches of the planet but if they never behave in a way that will back up their words we begin to doubt their sincerity perhaps we're dealing with a charlatan or a hypocrite or a coward flattery and fine words can only go so far a time will eventually arrive when you will have to show your victim some evidence to match your words with deeds this kind of evidence has two functions it allays any lingering doubts about you second an action that reveals some positive quality in you is immensely seductive in and of itself brave or selfless deeds create a powerful and positive emotional reaction don't worry your deeds don't have to be so brave and selfless that you lose everything in the process the appearance alone of nobility will often suffice in fact in a world where people over analyze and talk too much any kind of action has a bracing seductive effect it is normal in the course of a seduction to encounter resistance the more obstacles you overcome of course the greater the pleasure that awaits you but many a seduction fails because the seducer does not correctly read the resistances of the target more often than not you give up too easily first understand a primary law of seduction resistance is a sign that the other person's emotions are engaged in the process the only person you can't seduce is somebody distant and cold resistance is emotional and can be transformed into its opposite much as in jiu-jitsu the physical resistance of an opponent can be used to make him fall if people resist you because they don't trust you an apparently selfless deed showing how far you are willing to go to prove yourself is a powerful remedy if they resist because they are virtuous or because they are loyal to someone else all the better virtue and repressed desire are easily overcome by action as the great seductress natalie barney once wrote most virtue is a demand for greater seduction there are two ways to prove yourself first the spontaneous action a situation arises in which the target needs help a problem needs solving or simply he or she needs a favor you can't foresee these situations but you must be ready for them for they can spring up at any time impress the target by going further than really necessary sacrificing more money more time more effort than they had expected your target will often use these moments or even manufacture them as a kind of test will you retreat or will you rise to the occasion you cannot hesitate or flinch even for a moment or all is lost if necessary make the deeds seem to have cost you more than it has never with words but indirectly exhausted looks reports spread through a third party whatever it takes the second way to prove yourself is the brave deed that you plan and execute in advance on your own and at the right moment preferably some way into the seduction when any doubts the victim still has about you are more dangerous than earlier on choose a dramatic difficult action that reveals the painful time and effort involved danger can be extremely seductive cleverly lead your victim into a crisis a moment of danger or indirectly put them in an uncomfortable position and you can play the rescuer the gallant knight the powerful feelings and emotions this elicits can easily be redirected into love 17 effect a regression people who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat it or relive it the deepest rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the edible triangle and positioning them as the needy child unaware of the cause of their emotional response they will fall in love with you alternatively you too can regress letting them play the role of the protecting nursing parent in either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy son or daughter as adults we tend to overvalue our childhood in their dependency and powerlessness children genuinely suffer yet when we get older we conveniently forget about that and sentimentalize the supposed paradise we have left behind we forget the pain and remember only the pleasure why because the responsibilities of adult life are a burden so oppressive at times that we secretly yearn for the dependency of childhood for that person who looked after our every need assumed our cares and worries this daydream of ours has a strong erotic component for the child's feeling of being dependent on the parent is charged with sexual undertones give people a sensation similar to that protected dependent feeling of childhood and they will project all kinds of fantasies onto you including feelings of love or sexual attraction that they will attribute to something else we won't admit it but we long to regress to shed our adult exterior and vent the childish emotions that linger beneath the surface early in his career sigmund freud confronted a strange problem many of his female patients were falling in love with him he thought he knew what was happening encouraged by freud the patient would delve into her childhood which of course was the source of her illness or neurosis she would talk about her relationship with her father her earliest experiences of tenderness and love and also of neglect and abandonment the process would stir up powerful emotions and memories in a way she would be transported back into her childhood intensifying this effect was the fact that freud himself said little and made himself a little cold and distant although he seemed to be caring in other words quite like the traditional father figure meanwhile the patient was lying on a couch in a helpless or passive position so that the situation duplicated the roles of parent and child eventually she would begin to direct some of the confused emotions she was dealing with toward freud himself unaware of what was happening she would relate to him as to her father she would regress and fall in love freud called this phenomenon transference and it would become an active part of his therapy by getting patients to transfer some of their repressed feelings onto the therapist he would bring their problems into the open where they could be dealt with on a conscious level the transference effect was so potent though that freud was often unable to move his patients past their infatuation in fact transference is a powerful way of creating an emotional attachment the goal of any seduction the method has infinite applications outside psychoanalysis to practice it in real life you need to play the therapist encouraging people to talk about their childhood most of us are only too happy to oblige and our memories are so vivid and emotional that a part of us regresses just in talking about our early years also in the course of talking little secrets slip out we reveal all kinds of valuable information about our weaknesses and our mental makeup information you must attend to and remember don't take your targets words at face value they will often sugarcoat or over dramatize events in childhood but pay attention to their tone of voice to any nervous tics as they talk and particularly to anything they don't want to talk about anything they deny or that makes them emotional many statements actually mean their opposite should they say they hated their father for instance you can be sure that they are hiding a lot of disappointment that they actually loved their father only too much and perhaps never quite got what they wanted from him listen closely for recurring themes and stories most important learn to analyze emotional responses and see what lies behind them while they talk maintain the therapist's pose attentive but quiet making occasional non-judgmental comments be caring yet distant somewhat blank in fact and they will begin to transfer emotions and project fantasies onto you with the information you have gathered about their childhood and the trusting bond you have forged you can now begin to affect the regression perhaps you have uncovered a powerful attachment to a parent a sibling a teacher or any early infatuation a person who casts a shadow over their present lives knowing what it was about this person that affected them so powerfully you can now take over that role or perhaps you've learned of an immense gap in their childhood a neglectful father for instance you act like that parent now but you replace the original neglect with the attention and affection that the real parent never supplied everyone has unfinished business from childhood disappointments lacks painful memories finish what is unfinished discover what your target never got and you have the ingredients for a deep-rooted seduction the key is not just to talk about memories that is weak what you want is to get people to act out in their present old issues from their past without their being aware of what is happening the regressions you can affect fall into four main types the infantile regression the first bond the bond between a mother and her infant is the most powerful one unlike other animals human babies have a long period of helplessness during which they are dependent on their mother creating an attachment that influences the rest of their lives the key to affecting this regression is to reproduce the sense of unconditional love a mother has for her child never judge your targets let them do whatever they want including behaving badly at the same time surround them with loving attention smother them with comfort a part of them will regress to those earliest years when their mother took care of everything and rarely left them alone this works on almost everyone for unconditional love is the rarest and most treasured form you don't even have to tailor your behavior to anything specific in their childhood most of us have experienced this kind of attention meanwhile create atmospheres that reinforce the feeling you are generating warm environments playful activities bright happy colors the edible regression after the bond between mother and child comes the edible triangle of mother father and child this triangle forms during the period of the child's earliest erotic fantasies a boy wants his mother to himself a girl does the same with her father but they never quite have it that way for a parent will always have competing connections to a spouse or to other adults unconditional love has gone now inevitably the parent must sometimes deny what the child desires transport your victims back to this period play a parental role be loving but also sometimes scold and instills some discipline children actually love a little discipline it makes them feel that the adult cares about them and adult children too will be thrilled if you mix your tenderness with a little toughness and punishment unlike infantile regression edible regression must be tailored to your target it depends on the information you have gathered without knowing enough you might treat a person like a child scolding them now and then only to discover that you are stirring up ugly memories they had too much discipline as a child or you might stir up memories of a parent they loathed and they will transfer those feelings to you don't go ahead with the regression until you have learned everything you can about their childhood what they had too much of what they lacked and so on if the target was strongly attached to a parent but that attachment was partially negative the edible regression strategy can still be quite effective we always feel ambivalent toward a parent even as we love them we resent having had to depend on them don't worry about stirring up these ambivalences which don't keep us from being tied to our parents remember to include an erotic component in your parental behavior now your targets are not only getting their mother or father all to themselves they're getting something more something previously forbidden but now allowed the ego ideal regression as children we often form an ideal figure out of our dreams and ambitions first that ideal figure is the person we want to be we imagine ourselves as brave adventurers romantic figures then in our adolescence we turn our attention to others often projecting our ideals onto them the first boy or girl we fall in love with may seem to have the ideal qualities we wanted for ourselves or else may make us feel that we can play that ideal role in relation to them most of us carry these ideals around with us buried just below the surface we are secretly disappointed in how much we have had to compromise how far below the ideal we have fallen as we have gotten older make your targets feel they are living out this youthful ideal and coming closer to being the person they wanted to be and you will affect a different kind of regression creating a feeling reminiscent of adolescence the relationship between you and the seduced is in this instance more equal than in the previous kinds of regressions more like the affection between siblings in fact the ideal is often modeled on a brother or sister to create this effect strive to reproduce the intense innocent mood of a youthful infatuation the reverse parental regression here you are the one to regress you deliberately play the role of the cute adorable yet also sexually charged child older people always find younger people incredibly seductive in the presence of youth they feel a little of their own youth return but they are in fact older and mixed into the invigoration they feel in younger people's company is the pleasure of playing the mother or father to them if a child has erotic feelings toward a parent feelings that are quickly repressed the parent must deal with the same problem in reverse assume the role of the child in relation to your targets however and they get to act out some of those repressed erotic sentiments the strategy may seem to call for a difference in age but this is actually not critical marilyn monroe's exaggerated little girl qualities work just fine on men her age emphasizing a weakness or vulnerability on your part will give the target a chance to play the protector 18. stir up the transgressive and taboo society and culture are based on limits this kind of behavior is acceptable that is not the limits are fluid and change with time but there are always limits the alternative is anarchy the lawlessness of nature which we dread but we are strange animals the moment any kind of limit is imposed physically or psychologically we are instantly curious a part of us wants to go beyond that limit to explore what is forbidden if as children we are told not to go past a certain point in the woods that is precisely where we want to go but we grow older and become polite and deferential more and more boundaries encumber our lives don't confuse politeness with happiness however it covers up frustration unwanted compromise how can we explore the shadow side of our personality without incurring punishment or ostracism it seeps out in our dreams we sometimes wake up with a sense of guilt at the murder incest adultery and mayhem that goes on in our dreams until we realize no one needs to know about it but ourselves but give a person the sense that with you they will have a chance to explore the outer reaches of acceptable polite behavior that with you they convince some of their closeted personality and you create the ingredients for a deep and powerful seduction you will have to go beyond the point of merely teasing them with an elusive fantasy the shock and seductive power will come from the reality of what you are offering them at a certain point you can even press it further than they may want to go if they have followed you merely out of curiosity they may feel some fear and hesitation but once they are hooked they will find you hard to resist for it is hard to return to a limit once you have transgressed and gone past it the human cries out for more and does not know when to stop you will determine for them when it is time to stop the moment people feel that something is prohibited a part of them will want it that is what makes a married man or woman such a delicious target the more someone is prohibited the greater the desire george villiers the earl of buckingham was the favorite first of king james the first then of james's son king charles the first nothing was ever denied him in 1625 on a visit to france he met the beautiful queen anne and fell hopelessly in love what could be more impossible more out of reach than the queen of a rival power he could have had almost any other woman but the prohibited nature of the queen completely inflamed him until he embarrassed himself and his country by trying to kiss her in public since what is forbidden is desired somehow you must make yourself seem forbidden the most blatant way to do this is to engage in behavior that gives you a dark and forbidden aura theoretically you are someone to avoid in fact you are too seductive to resist that was the allure of the actor errol flynn who often found himself the pursuit rather than the pursuer flynn was devilishly handsome but he also had something else a definite criminal streak in his wild youth he engaged in all kinds of shady activities in the 1950s he was charged with rape a permanent stain on his reputation even though he was acquitted but his popularity among women only increased play up your dark side and you will have a similar effect for your targets to be involved with you means going beyond their limits doing something naughty and unacceptable to society to their peers for many that is the reason to bite the bait one of the most seductive men of the 20th century rudolph valentino was known as the sex menace his appeal for women was twofold he could be tender and attentive but he also hinted of cruelty at any moment he could become dangerously bold perhaps even a little violent the studios played up this double image as much as possible when it was reported that he had been abusive to his wife for example they exploited the story a mix of the masculine and the feminine the violent and the tender will always seem transgressive and appealing love is supposed to be tender and delicate but in fact it can release violent and destructive emotions and the possible violence of love the way it breaks down our normal reasonableness is just what attracts us approach romance's violent side by mixing a cruel streak into your tender attentions particularly in the latter stages of the seduction when the target is in your clutches a masochistic involvement can represent a great transgressive release the more illicit your seduction feels the more powerful its effect give your targets the feeling that they are committing a kind of crime a deed whose guilt they share with you create public moments in which the two of you know something that those around you do not it could be phrases and looks that only you recognize a secret johannes the protagonist of soren kierkegaard's the seducer's diary sent a message to his target the young cordelia in the middle of a dinner party where they were both attending she could not reveal to the other guests that it was from him for then she would have to do some explaining he might also say something in public that would have a special meaning for her since it referred to something in one of his letters all of this added spice to the affair by giving it a feeling of a shared secret even a guilty crime it is critical to play on tensions like these in public creating a sense of complicity and collusion against the world in the tristan any solder legend the famous lovers reach the heights of bliss and exhilaration exactly because of the taboos they break isolde is engaged to king mark she will soon be a married woman tristan is a loyal subject and warrior in the service of king mark who is his father's age the whole affair has a feeling of stealing away the bride from the father epitomizing the concept of love in the western world the legend has had immense influence over the ages and a crucial part of it is the idea that without obstacles without a feeling of transgression love is weak and flavorless people may be straining to remove restrictions on private behavior to make everything freer in the world today but that only makes seduction more difficult and less exciting do what you can to reintroduce a feeling of transgression and crime even if it is only psychological or illusory there must be obstacles to overcome social norms to flout laws to break before the seduction can be consummated it might seem that a permissive society imposes few limits find some there will always be limits sacred cows behavioral standards endless ammunition for stirring up the transgressive and taboo 19 use spiritual yours religion is the most seductive system that mankind has created death is our greatest fear and religion offers us the illusion that we are immortal that something about us will live on the idea that we are an infinitesimal part of a vast and indifferent universe is terrifying religion humanizes this universe makes us feel important and loved we are not animals governed by uncontrollable drives animals that die for no apparent reason but creatures made in the image of a supreme being we too can be sublime rational and good anything that feeds a desire or a wished for illusion is seductive and nothing can match religion in this arena pleasure is the bait that you use to lure a person into your web but no matter how clever a seducer you are in the back of your target's mind they are aware of the end game the physical conclusion toward which you are heading you may think your target is unrepressed and hungry for pleasure but almost all of us are plagued by an underlying unease with our animal nature unless you deal with this unease your seduction will be superficial and temporary instead try to capture your target's soul to build the foundation of a deep and lasting seduction you're the victim deep into your web with spirituality making physical pleasure seem sublime and transcendent spirituality will disguise your manipulations suggesting that your relationship is timeless and creating a space for ecstasy in the victim's mind remember that seduction is a mental process and nothing is more mentally intoxicating than religion spirituality and the occult affect a spiritual heir by displaying a discontent with the banalities of life it's not money or sex or success that moves you your drives are never so base no something much deeper motivates you whatever this is keep it vague letting the target imagine your hidden depths the stars astrology fate are always appealing create the sense that destiny has brought you and your target together that will make your seduction feel more natural in a world where too much is controlled and manufactured the sense that fate necessity or some higher power is guiding your relationship is doubly seductive if you want to weave religious motifs into your seduction it is always best to choose some distant exotic religion with a slightly pagan air it is easy to move from pagan spirituality to pagan earthiness timing counts once you have stirred your target souls move quickly to the physical making sexuality seem merely an extension of the spiritual vibrations you are experiencing in other words employ the spiritual strategy as close to the time for your bold move as possible the spiritual is not exclusively the religious or the occult it's anything that will add a sublime timeless quality to your seduction in the modern world culture and art have in some ways taken the place of religion there are two ways to use art in your seduction first create it yourself in the target's honor even if your love is a passing fancy by capturing it in a work of art you give it a seductive illusion of eternity the second way to use art is to make it ennoble the affair giving your seduction an elevated edge the play movie or book can be contemporary even a little raw as long as it contains a noble message and is tied to some just cause even a political movement can be spiritually uplifting remember to tailor your spiritual yours to the target if the target is earthy and cynical paganism or art will be more productive than the occult or religious piety the russian mystic rasputin was revered for his saintliness and his healing powers women in particular were fascinated with rasputin and would visit him in his st petersburg apartment for spiritual guidance he would talk to them of the simple goodness of the russian peasantry god's forgiveness and other lofty matters but after a few minutes of this he would inject a comment or two that were of a much different nature something about the woman's beauty her lips that were so inviting the desires she could inspire in a man he would talk of different kinds of love love of god love between friends love between a man and a woman but mix them all up as if they were one then as he returned to discussing spiritual matters he would suddenly take the woman's hand or whisper into her ear all this would have an intoxicating effect women would find themselves dragged into a kind of maelstrom both spiritually uplifted and sexually excited hundreds of women succumbed during these spiritual visits for he would also tell them that they could not repent until they had sinned and who better to sin with than rasputin rasputin understood the intimate connection between the sexual and the spiritual spirituality the love of god is a sublimated version of sexual love the language of the religious mystics of the middle ages is full of erotic images the contemplation of god and of the sublime can offer a kind of mental orgasm there is no more seductive brew than the combination of the spiritual and the sexual the high and the low when you talk of spiritual matters then let your looks and physical presence hint of sexuality at the same time make the harmony of the universe and union with god seem to confuse with the physical harmony and the union between two people if you can make the endgame of your seduction appear as a spiritual experience you will heighten the physical pleasure and create a seduction with a deep and lasting effect 20 mix pleasure with pain almost everyone is more or less polite we learn early on not to tell people what we really think of them we smile at their jokes act interested in their stories and problems it is the only way to live with them eventually this becomes a habit we are nice even when it isn't really necessary we try to please other people to not step on their toes to avoid disagreements and conflict niceness in seduction however though it may at first draw someone to you it is soothing and comforting soon loses all effect being too nice can literally push the target away from you erotic feeling depends on the creation of tension without tension without anxiety and suspense there can be no feeling of release of true pleasure and joy it is your task to create that tension in the target to stimulate feelings of anxiety and to lead them to and fro so that the culmination of the seduction has real weight and intensity so rid yourself of your nasty habit of avoiding conflict which is in any case unnatural you are most often nice not out of your own inner goodness but out of fear of displeasing out of insecurity go beyond that fear and you suddenly have options the freedom to create pain then magically dissolve it your seductive powers will increase tenfold people will be less upset by your hurtful actions than you might imagine in the world today we often feel starved for experience we crave emotion even if it is negative the pain you cause your targets then is bracing it makes them feel more alive they have something to complain about they get to play the victim as a result once you have turned the pain into pleasure they will readily forgive you stir up their jealousy make them feel insecure and the validation you later give their ego by preferring them over their rivals is doubly delightful remember you have more to fear by boring your targets than by shaking them up wounding people binds them to you more deeply than kindness create tension so you can release it if you need inspiration find the part of the target that most irritates you and use it as a springboard for some therapeutic conflict the more real your cruelty the more effective it is in 1818 the french writer stan doll then living in milan met the countess matilda viscontini for him it was love at first sight she was a proud somewhat difficult woman and she intimidated stendahl who was terribly afraid of displeasing her with a stupid comment or undignified act finally unable to take it any longer he one day took her hand and confessed his love horrified the countess told him to leave and never come back standoff flooded viscontini with letters begging her to forgive him at last she relented she would see him again but under one condition he could visit only once every two weeks for no more than an hour and only in the presence of company stendall agreed he had no choice he now lived for those short fortnightly visits which became occasions of intense anxiety and fear since he was never quite sure whether she would change her mind and banish him forever this went on for over two years during which the countess never showed him the slightest sign of favor stendall never found out why she had insisted on this arrangement perhaps she wanted a toy with him or keep him at a distance all he knew was that his love for her only grew stronger became unbearably intense until finally he had to leave milan to get over this sad affair stendall wrote his famous book on love in which he described the effect of fear on desire first if you fear the loved one you can never get too close or familiar with him or her the beloved then retains an element of mystery which only intensifies your love second there is something bracing about fear it makes you vibrate with sensation heightens your awareness is intensely erotic according to stendall the closer the loved one brings you to the edge of the precipice to the feeling that they could abandon you the dizzier and more lost you will become falling in love means literally falling losing control a mix of fear and excitement apply this wisdom in reverse never let your targets get too comfortable with you they need to feel fear and anxiety show them some coldness a flash of anger they didn't expect be irrational if necessary there is always the trump card a breakup let them feel that they have lost you forever make them fear that they have lost the power to charm you let these feelings sit with them for a while then pull them back from the precipice the reconciliation will be intense in 33 bc mark anthony heard a rumor that cleopatra his lover of several years had decided to seduce his rival octavius and that she was planning to poison anthony cleopatra had poisoned people before in fact she was an expert in the art anthony grew paranoid and finally one day confronted her cleopatra did not protest her innocence yes that was true it was quite within her power to poison anthony at any moment there were no precautions he could take only the love she felt for him could protect him to demonstrate she took some flowers and dropped them into his wine anthony hesitated then raised the cup to his lips cleopatra grabbed his arm and stopped him she had a prisoner brought in to drink the wine and the prisoner promptly dropped dead falling at cleopatra's feet anthony professed that he'd loved her now more than ever he did not speak out of cowardice there was no man braver than he and if cleopatra could have poisoned him he for his part could have left her and gone back to rome no what pushed him over the edge was the feeling that she had control over his emotions over life and death he was her slave her demonstration of her power over him was not only effective but erratic like anthony many of us have masochistic yearnings without realizing it it takes someone to inflict some pain on us for these deeply repressed desires to come to the surface you must learn to recognize the types of hidden masochists out there for each one enjoys a particular kind of pain for instance there are people who feel that they deserve nothing good in life and who unable to deal with success sabotage themselves constantly be nice to them admit that you admire them and they are uncomfortable since they feel that they cannot possibly match up to the ideal figure you have clearly imagined them to be such self-saboteurs do better with a little punishment scold them make them aware of their inadequacies they feel they deserve such criticism and when it comes it is with a sense of relief it is also easy to make them feel guilty a feeling that deep down they enjoy other people experience the responsibilities and duties of modern life as such a heavy burden they long to give it all up these people are often looking for someone or something to worship a cause a religion a guru make them worship you and then there are those who want to play the martyr recognize them by the joy they take in complaining in feeling righteous and wronged then give them a reason to complain remember appearances deceive often the strongest looking people may secretly want to be punished in any event follow up pain with pleasure and you will create a state of dependency that will last for a long time phase 4 moving in for the kill first you worked on their mind the mental seduction then you confused and stirred them up the emotional seduction now the time has come for hand-to-hand combat the physical seduction at this point your victims are weak and ripe with desire by showing a little coldness or uninterest you will spark panic they will come after you with impatience and erotic energy to bring them to a boil you need to put their minds to sleep and heat up their senses it is best to lure them into lust by sending certain loaded signals that will get under their skin and spread sexual desire like a poison the moment to strike and move in for the kill is when your victim is brimming with desire but not consciously expecting the climax to come once the seduction is over there's the danger that disenchantment will set in and ruin all your hard work if you are after a relationship then you must constantly reseduce the victim creating tension and releasing it if your victim is to be sacrificed then it must be done swiftly and cleanly leaving you free physically and psychologically to move on to the next victim then the game begins all over 21 give them space to fall the pursuer is pursued if your targets become too used to you as the aggressor they will give less of their own energy and the tension will slacken you need to wake them up turn the tables once they are under your spell take a step back and they will start to come after you begin with a touch of aloofness an unexpected non-appearance a hint that you are growing bored stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else make none of this explicit let them only sense it and their imagination will do the rest creating the doubt you desire soon they will want to possess you physically and restraint will go out the window the goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced since humans are naturally obstinate and willful creatures and prone to suspicions of people's motives it is only natural in the course of any seduction that in some ways your target will resist you seductions then are rarely easy or without setbacks but once your victims overcome some of their doubts and begin to fall under your spell they will reach a point where they start to let go they may sense that you are leading them along but they are enjoying it no one likes things to be complicated and difficult and your target will expect the conclusion to come quickly that is the point however where you must train yourself to hold back deliver the pleasurable climax they are so greedily awaiting succumb to the natural tendency to bring the seduction to a rapid end and you will have missed an opportunity to ratchet up the tension to make the affair more heated after all you don't want a passive little victim to toy with you want the seduce to engage their will in all its force to become active participants in the seduction you want them to pursue you hopelessly ensnaring themselves in your web in the process the only way to accomplish this is to take a step back and make them anxious you have strategically retreated before but this is different the target is falling for you now and your retreat will lead to panicky thoughts you are losing interest it is somehow my fault perhaps it's something i've done rather than think you are rejecting them on your own your targets will want to make this interpretation since if the cause of the problem is something they have done they have the power to win you back by changing their behavior if you are simply rejecting them on the other hand they have no control people always want to preserve hope now they will come to you turn aggressive thinking that will do the trick they'll raise the erotic temperature understand a person's willpower is directly linked to their libido their erotic desire when your victims are passively waiting for you their erotic level is low when they turn pursuer getting involved in the process brimming with tension and anxiety the temperature is raised so raise it as high as you can when you withdraw make it subtle you are instilling unease your coldness or distance should dawn on your targets when they are alone in the form of a poisonous doubt creeping into their mind their paranoia will become self-generating your subtle step back will make them want to possess you so they will willingly advance into your arms without being pushed this is different from the strategy in which you are inflicting deep wounds creating a pattern of pain and pleasure there the goal is to make your victims weak and dependent here it is to make them active and aggressive which strategy you prefer to use the two cannot be combined depends on what you want and the proclivities of your victim each gender has its own seductive viewers which come naturally to them when you seem interested in someone but do not respond sexually it's disturbing and presents a challenge they will find a way to seduce you to produce this effect first reveal an interest in your targets through letters or subtle insinuation but when you are in their presence assume a kind of sexless neutrality be friendly even warm but no more you are pushing them into arming themselves with the seductive charms that are natural to their sex exactly what you want in the latter stages of the seduction let your targets feel that you are becoming interested in another person this is another form of taking a step back when napoleon bonaparte first met the young widow josephine de beau arne in 1795 he was excited by her exotic beauty and the looks she gave him he began to attend her weekly soirees and to his delight she would ignore the other man and remain at his side listening to him so attentively he found himself falling in love with josephine and had every reason to believe she felt the same then at one soiree she was friendly and attentive as usual except that she was equally friendly to another man there a former aristocrat like josephine the kind of man that napoleon could never compete with when it came to manners and wit doubts and jealousies began to stir within as a military man he knew the value of going on the offensive and after a few weeks of a swift and aggressive campaign he had her all to himself eventually marrying her of course josephine a clever seductress had set it all up she didn't say she was interested in another man but his mere presence at her house a look here and there subtle gestures made it seem that way there is no more powerful way to hint that you are losing your desire make your interest in another too obvious though and it could backfire this isn't the situation in which you want to seem cruel doubt and anxiety are the effects you are after make your possible interest in another barely perceptible to the naked eye once someone has fallen for you any physical absence will create unease you are literally creating space your absences at this latter point of seduction should seem at least somewhat justified you are insinuating not a blatant brush off but a slight doubt perhaps you could have found some reason to stay perhaps you are losing interest perhaps there is someone else in your absence their appreciation of you will grow they will forget your faults forgive your sins the moment you return they will chase after you as you desire it will be as if you had come back from the dead according to the psychologist theodore reich we learn to love only through rejection as infants we are showered with love by our mother we know nothing else but when we get a little older we begin to sense that her love is not unconditional if we don't behave if we don't please her she can withdraw it the idea that she'll withdraw her affection fills us with anxiety and at first with anger we will show her we will throw a tantrum but that never works and we slowly realize that the only way to keep her from rejecting us again is to imitate her to be as loving kind and affectionate as she is this will bond her to us in the deepest way the pattern is ingrained in us for the rest of our lives by experiencing a rejection or a coldness we learn to court and pursue to love recreate this primal pattern in your seduction first shower your targets with affection they won't be sure where this is coming from but it's a delightful feeling and they'll never want to lose it when it does go away in your strategic step back they'll have moments of anxiety and anger perhaps throwing a tantrum and then the same childlike reaction the only way to win you back to have you for sure will be to reverse the pattern to imitate you to be the affectionate giving one it is the terror of rejection that turns the tables this pattern will often repeat itself naturally in an affair or relationship one person goes cold the other pursues then goes cold in turn making the first person the pursuer and on and on as a seducer do not leave this to chance make it happen you are teaching the other person to become a seducer just as the mother in her own way taught the child to return her love by turning her back for your own sake learn to relish this reversal of roles don't merely play it being the pursuit but enjoy it give into it the pleasure of being pursued by your victim can often surpass the thrill of the hunt 22 use physical lures now more than ever our minds are in a state of constant distraction barraged with endless information pulled in every direction many of us recognize the problem articles are written studies are completed but they simply become more information to digest it is almost impossible to turn off an overactive mind the attempt simply triggers more thoughts an inescapable hall of mirrors perhaps we turn to alcohol to drugs to physical activity anything to help us slow the mind be more present in the moment our discontent presents the crafty seducer with infinite opportunity the waters around you are teeming with people seeking some kind of release from mental overstimulation the lure of the unencumbered physical pleasure will make them take your bait but as you prowl the waters understand the only way to relax a distracted mind is to make it focus on one thing a hypnotist asks the patient to focus on a watch swinging back and forth once the patient focuses the mind relaxes the senses awaken the body becomes prone to all kinds of novel sensations and suggestions as a seducer you are a hypnotist and what you are making the target focus on is you throughout the seductive process you have been filling the target's mind letters mementos shared experiences keep you constantly present even when you're not there now as you shift to the physical part of the seduction you must see your targets more often your attention must become more intense errol flynn was a master at this game when he homed in on a victim he dropped everything else the woman was made to feel that everything came second to her his career his friends everything then he would take her on a little trip preferably with water around slowly the rest of the world would fade into the background and flynn would take center stage the more your targets think of you the less they are distracted by thoughts of work and duty when the mind focuses on one thing it relaxes and when the mind relaxes all the little paranoid thoughts that we are prone to do you really like me am i intelligent or beautiful enough what does the future hold vanish from the surface remember it all starts with you be undistracted present in the moment and the target will follow suit the intense gaze of the hypnotist creates a similar reaction in the patient once the target's overactive mind starts to slow down their senses will come to life and your physical yours will have double their power now a heated glance will give them flush you will have a tendency to employ physical viewers that work primarily on the eyes the sense we most rely on in our culture physical appearances are critical but you are after a general agitation of the senses the senses are interconnected and appeal to smell will trigger touch an appeal to touch will trigger vision casual or accidental contact better a brushing of the skin than something more forceful right now will create a jolt and activate the eyes subtly modulate the voice make it slower and deeper living senses will crowd out rational thought the seducer leads the victim to a point where he or she reveals involuntary signs of physical excitation that can be read in various symptoms once those signs are detected the seducer must work quickly applying pressure on the target to get lost in the moment the past the future all moral scruples vanishing in air once your victims lose themselves in the moment it's all over their mind their conscience no longer holds them back the body gives in to pleasure in leading your victims into the moment remember a few things first a disordered look has more effect on the senses than a neat appearance it suggests the bedroom second be alert to the signs of physical excitation blushing trembling of the voice tears unusually forceful laughter relaxing movements of the body any kind of involuntary mirroring their gestures imitating yours a revealing slip of the tongue these are signs that the victim is slipping into the moment and pressure is to be applied seduction like warfare is often a game of distance and closeness at first you track your enemy from a distance your main weapons are your eyes and a mysterious manner the key is to make the look short and to the point then look away like a rapier glancing the flesh make your eyes reveal desire and keep the rest of the face still a smile will spoil the effect once the victim is heated up you quickly bridge the distance turning to hand-to-hand combat in which you give the enemy no room to withdraw no time to think or to consider the position in which you've placed him or her to take the element of fear out of this use flattery make the target feel more masculine or feminine praise their charms it is their fault that you have become so physical and aggressive there is no greater physical lure and to make the target feel alluring remember the girdle of aphrodite which gave her untold seductive powers included that of sweet flattery shared physical activity is always an excellent viewer for flynn it was swimming or sailing in such physical activity the mind turns off and the body operates according to its own laws the target's body will follow your lead will mirror your movements as far as you want it to go in the moment all moral considerations fade away and the body returns to a state of innocence you can partly create that feeling through a devil may care attitude you don't worry about the world or what people think of you you don't judge a target in any way part of flynn's appeal was his total acceptance of a woman he wasn't interested in a particular body type a woman's race her level of education her political beliefs he was in love with her feminine presence he was luring her into an adventure free of society's strictures and moral judgments with him she could act out a fantasy which for many was the chance to be aggressive or transgressive to experience danger so empty yourself of your tendency to moralize and judge you have lured your targets into a momentary world of pleasure soft and accommodating all rules and taboos thrown out the window 23 master the art of the bold move a moment has arrived your victim clearly desires you but is not ready to admit it openly let alone act on it this is the time to throw aside chivalry kindness and coca-tree and to overwhelm with a bold move don't give the victim time to consider the consequences create conflict stir up tension so that the bold move comes as a great release showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms never hold back or meet the target halfway under the belief that you are being correct and considerate you must be seductive now not political one person must go on the offensive and it's you think of seduction as a world you enter a world that is separate and distinct from the real world the rules are different here what works in daily life can have the opposite effect in seduction the real world features a democratizing leveling impulse in which everything has to seem at least something like equal an overt imbalance of power an overt desire for power will stir envy and resentment we learn to be kind and polite at least on the surface even those who have power generally try to act humble and modest they don't want to offend in seduction on the other hand you can throw all of that out revel in your dark side inflict a little pain in some ways be more yourself your naturalness in this respect will prove seductive in itself the problem is that after years of living in the real world we lose the ability to be ourselves we become timid humble over polite your task is to regain some of your childhood qualities to root out all this false humility and the most important quality to recapture is boldness no one is born timid timidity is a protection we develop if we never stick our necks out if we never try we will never have to suffer the consequences of failure or success if we are kind and unobtrusive no one will be offended in fact we will seem saintly and likeable in truth timid people are often self-absorbed obsessed with the way people see them and not at all saintly and humility may have its social uses but it is deadly in seduction you need to be able to play the humble saint at times it is a mask you wear but in seduction take it off boldness is bracing erotic and absolutely necessary to bring the seduction to its conclusion done right it tells your targets that they've made you lose your normal restraint and gives them license to do so as well people are yearning to have a chance to play out the repressed sides of their personality at the final stage of a seduction boldness eliminates any awkwardness or doubts in a dance two people cannot lead one takes over sweeping the other along seduction is not egalitarian it's not a harmonic convergence holding back at the end out of fear of offending or thinking it correct to share the power is a recipe for disaster this is an arena not for politics but for pleasure it can be by the man or woman but a bold move is required if you are so concerned about the other person console yourself with the thought that the pleasure of the one who surrenders is often greater than that of the aggressor as a young man the actor errol flynn was uncontrollably bold this often got him into trouble he became too aggressive around desirable women then while traveling through the far east he became interested in the asian practice of tantric sex in which the male must train himself not to ejaculate preserving his potency and heightening both partners pleasure in the process flynn later applied this principle to his seductions as well teaching himself to restrain his natural boldness and delay the end of the seduction as long as possible so while the boldness can work wonders uncontrollable boldness is not seductive but frightening you need to be able to turn it on and off at will know when to use it as in tantrism you can create more pleasure by delaying the inevitable the bold move should come as a pleasant surprise but not too much of a surprise learn to read the signs that the target is falling for you his or her manner toward you will have changed it will be more pliant with more words and gestures mirroring yours yet there will still be a touch of nervousness and uncertainty inwardly they have given in to you but they don't expect a bold move this is the time to strike if you wait too long to the point where they consciously desire and expect you to make a move it loses the pequency of coming as a surprise you want a degree of tension and ambivalence so that the move represents a great release their surrender will relieve tension like a long-awaited summer storm don't plan your bold move in advance it can't seem calculated wait for the opportune moment be attentive to favorable circumstances this will give you room to improvise and go with the moment which will heighten the impression you want to create of being suddenly overwhelmed by desire if you ever sense that the victim is expecting the bold move take a step back lull them into a full sense of security then strike keeping your targets emotional will both weaken them and heighten the drama of the moment and the best way to keep them at an emotional pitch is by infecting them with emotions of your own people are very susceptible to the moods of those around them this is particularly acute in the latter stages of seduction when resistance is low and the target has fallen under your spell at the point of the bold move learn to infect your target with whatever emotional mood you require as opposed to suggesting the mood with words you want access to the targets unconscious which is best obtained by infecting them with emotions bypassing their conscious ability to resist it may seem expected for the male to make the bold move but history is full of successfully bold females there are two main forms of feminine boldness in the first more traditional form the coquettish woman stirs male desire is completely in control then at the last minute after bringing her victim to a boil steps back and lets him make the bold move she sets it up then signals with her eyes her gestures that she is ready for him courtesans have used this method throughout history it lets the man maintain his masculine illusions although the woman is really the aggressor the second form of feminine boldness doesn't bother with such illusions the woman simply takes charge initiates the first kiss pounces on her victim many men find it not emasculating at all but very exciting it all depends on the insecurities and proclivities of the victim this kind of feminine boldness has its endure because it is more rare than the first kind but then all boldness is somewhat rare a bold move will always stand out compared to the usual treatment afforded by the tepid husband the timid lover the hesitant suitor that is how you want it if everyone were bold boldness would quickly lose its allure 24 beware the after effects danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction after emotions have reached a pitch they often swing in the opposite direction toward lassitude distrust disappointment beware of the long drawn-out goodbye insecure the victim will cling and claw and both sides will suffer if you were to part make the sacrifice swift and sudden if necessary deliberately break the spell you've created if you are to stay in a relationship beware a flagging of energy a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy if the game is to go on a second seduction is required never let the other person take you for granted use absence create pain and conflict to keep the seduced on tenterhooks disenchantment seduction is a kind of spell an enchantment when you seduce you are not quite your normal self your presence is heightened you're playing more than one role you're strategically concealing your tics and insecurities you've deliberately created mystery and suspense to make the victim experience a real life drama under your spell the seduced gets to feel transported away from the world of work and responsibility you will keep this going for as long as you want or can heightening the tension stirring the emotions until the time finally comes to complete the seduction after that disenchantment almost inevitably sets in the release of tension is followed by a letdown of excitement of energy that can even materialize as a kind of disgust directed at you by your victim even though what is happening is really a natural emotional course it's as if a drug were wearing off allowing the target to see you as you are and being disappointed by the flaws that are inevitably there on your side you too have probably tended to idealize your targets somewhat and once your desire is satisfied you may see them as weak after all they've given in to you you too may feel disappointed even in the best of circumstances you are dealing now with the reality rather than the fantasy and the flames will slowly die down unless you start up a second seduction you may think that if the victim is to be sacrificed none of this matters but sometimes your effort to break off the relationship will inadvertently revive the spell for the other person causing him or her to cling to you tenaciously no in either direction sacrifice or the integration of the two of you into a couple you must take disenchantment into account there is an art to the post seduction as well master the following tactics to avoid undesired after effects fight against inertia the sense that you are trying less hard is often enough to disenchant your victims reflecting back on what you did during the seduction they will see you as manipulative you wanted something then and so you worked at it but now you are taking them for granted after the first seduction is over then show that it isn't really over that you want to keep proving yourself focusing your attention on them luring them this is often enough to keep them enchanted fight the tendency to let things settle into comfort and routine stir the pot even if that means a return to inflicting pain and pulling back never rely on your physical charms even beauty loses its appeal with repeated exposure only strategy and effort will fight off inertia maintain mystery familiarity is the death of seduction if the target knows everything about you the relationship gains a level of comfort but loses the elements of fantasy and anxiety without anxiety and a touch of fear the erotic tension is dissolved remember reality is not seductive keep some dark corners in your character flout expectations use absences to fragment the clinging possessive pull that allows familiarity to creep in maintain some mystery or be taken for granted you will have only yourself to blame for what follows maintain likeness seduction is a game not a matter of life and death there will be a tendency in the post phase to take things more seriously and personally and to whine about behavior that doesn't please you fight this as much as possible for it'll create exactly the effect you don't want you can't control the other person by nagging and complaining it'll make them defensive exacerbating the problem you'll have more control if you maintain the proper spirit your playfulness the little ruses you employ to please and delight them your indulgence of their faults will make your victims compliant and easy to handle never try to change your victims instead induce them to follow your lead avoid the slow burnout often one person becomes disenchanted but lacks the courage to make the break instead he or she withdraws inside as an absence this psychological step back may inadvertently reignite the other person's desire and a frustrating cycle begins a pursuit and retreat everything unravels slowly once you feel disenchanted and know it's over end it quickly without apology that would only insult the other person a quick separation is often easier to get over it's as if you had a problem being faithful as opposed to your feeling that the seduced was no longer being desirable once you are truly disenchanted there's no going back so don't hang on out of false pity it's more compassionate to make a clean break if that seems inappropriate or too ugly then deliberately disenchant the victim with anti-seductive behavior to keep a person enchanted you'll have to reseduce them constantly but you can allow a little familiarity to creep in the target wants to feel that he or she is getting to know you too much mystery will create doubt it'll also be tiring for you who will have to sustain it the point is not to remain completely unfamiliar but rather on occasion to jolt victims out of their complacency surprising them as you surprise them in the past do this right and they will have the delightful feeling that they are constantly getting to know more about you but never too much [Music] this has been a high audio presentation your admirers can be friends or even suitors call it the harem effect pauline bonaparte sister of napoleon raised her value in men's eyes by always having a group of worshipful men around her at balls and parties if she went for a walk it was never with one man always with two or three perhaps these men were simply friends or even just props and hangers on the side of them was enough to suggest that she was prized and desired a woman worth fighting over andy warhol too surrounded himself with the most glamorous interesting people he could find to be part of his inner circle meant that you were desirable as well by placing himself in the middle but keeping himself aloof from it all he made everyone compete for his attention he stirred people's desire to possess him by holding back practices like these not only stimulate competitive desires they take aim at people's prime weakness their vanity and self-esteem we can endure feeling that another person has more talent or more money but the sense that a rival is more desirable than we are that is unbearable in the early 18th century the duke derisha year a great rake managed to seduce a young woman who was rather religious but whose husband adult was often away he then proceeded to seduce her upstairs neighbor a young widow when the two women discovered that he was going from one to the other in the same night they confronted him a lesser man would have fled but not the duke he understood the dynamic of vanity and desire neither woman wanted to feel that he preferred the other and so he managed to arrange a little menage a trois knowing that now they would struggle between themselves to be the favorite when people's vanity is at risk you can make them do whatever you want if there is a woman you are interested in pay attention to her sister that will stir a triangular desire your reputation your illustrious past as a seducer is an effective way of creating an aura of desirability women threw themselves at errol flynn's feet not because of his handsome face and certainly not because of his acting skills but because of his reputation they knew that other women had found him irresistible once he had established that reputation he did not have to chase women anymore they came to him men who believe that a rakish reputation will make women fear or distrust them and should be played down are quite wrong on the contrary it makes them more attractive the virtuous duchess de mon possier the grand man moiselle of 17th century france began by enjoying a friendship with the rake lausanne but a troubling thought soon occurred to her if a man with lausanne's past did not see her as a possible lover something had to be wrong with her this anxiety eventually pushed her into his arms to be part of a great seducers club of conquests can be a matter of vanity and pride we are happy to be in such company to have our name broadcast as this man or this woman's lover your own reputation may not be so alluring but you must find a way to suggest to your victim that others many others have found you desirable it is reassuring there is nothing like a restaurant full of empty tables to persuade you not to go in a variation on the triangle strategy is the use of contrasts careful exploitation of people who are dull or unattractive may enhance your desirability by comparison at a social affair for instance make sure your target has to chat with the most boring person available come to the rescue and your target will be delighted to see you to make use of contrasts either develop and display those attractive attributes humor vivacity and so on that are the scarcest in your own social group or choose a group in which your natural qualities are rare and will shine the use of contrasts has vast political ramifications for a political figure must also seduce and seem desirable learn to play up the qualities that your rivals lack peter ii czar in 18th century russia was arrogant and irresponsible so his wife catherine the great did all she could do to seem modest and dependable when vladimir lenin returned to russia in 1917 after czar nicholas ii had been deposed he made a show of decisiveness and discipline precisely what no other leader had at the time in the american presidential race of 1980 the irresoluteness of jimmy carter made the single-mindedness of ronald reagan look desirable contrasts are eminently seductive because they do not depend on your own words or advertisements the public reads them unconsciously and sees what it wants to see finally appearing to be desired by others will raise your value but often how you carry yourself can influence this as well don't let your targets see you so often keep your distance seem unattainable out of their reach an object that is rare and hard to obtain is generally more prized five create a need stir anxiety and discontent a perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced tension and disharmony must be instilled in your target's minds stir within them feelings of discontent and unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves their life lacks adventure they have strayed from the ideals of their youth they have become boring the feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself to make them see you as the answer to their problems pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure learn to manufacture the need that you can fill everyone wears a mask in society we pretend to be more sure of ourselves than we are we don't want other people to glimpse that doubting self within us in truth our egos and personalities are much more fragile than they appear to be they cover up feelings of confusion and emptiness as a seducer you must never mistake a person's appearance for the reality people are always susceptible to being seduced because in fact everyone lacks a sense of completeness feels something missing deep inside bring their doubts and anxieties to the surface and they can be led and lured to follow you no one can see you as someone to follow or fall in love with unless they first reflect on themselves somehow and on what they are missing before the seduction proceeds you must place a mirror in front of them in which they glimpse that inner emptiness made aware of a lack they now can focus on you as the person who can fill that empty space remember most of us are lazy to relieve our feelings of boredom or inadequacy on our own takes too much effort letting someone else do the job is both easier and more exciting the desire to have someone fill up our emptiness is the weakness on which all seducers pray make people anxious about the future make them depressed make them question their identity make them sense the boredom that gnaws at their life the ground is prepared the seeds of seduction can be sown cleopatra got julius caesar to sleep with her the first night he met her but the real seduction the one that made him her slave began later in their ensuing conversations she talked repeatedly of alexander the great the hero from whom she supposedly descended no one could compare to him by implication caesar was made to feel inferior understanding that beneath his bravado caesar was insecure cleopatra awakened in him an anxiety a hunger to prove his greatness once he felt this way he was easily further seduced doubts about his masculinity was his tender spot when caesar was assassinated cleopatra turned her sights on mark anthony one of caesar's successors in the leadership of rome anthony loved pleasure and spectacle and his tastes were crude she appeared to him first on her royal barge then whined and dined and banqueted him everything was geared to suggest to him the superiority of the egyptian way of life over the roman at least when it came to pleasure the romans were boring and unsophisticated by comparison and once anthony was made to feel how much he was missing in spending his time with his dull soldiers and his matronly roman wife he could be made to see cleopatra as the incarnation of all that was exciting he became her slave this is the lure of the exotic in your role of seducer try to position yourself as coming from outside as a stranger of sorts you represent change difference a breakup of routines make your victims feel that by comparison their lives are boring and their friends less interesting than they had thought there are many legends of don juan but they often describe him seducing a village girl by making her feel her life is horribly provincial he meanwhile wears glittering clothes and has a noble bearing strange and exotic he's always from somewhere else first she feels the boredom of her life then she sees him as her salvation remember people prefer to feel that if their life is uninteresting it's not because of themselves but because of their circumstances the dull people they know the town into which they were born once you make them feel the lure of the exotic seduc another devilishly seductive area to aim at is the victim's past to grow old is to renounce or compromise youthful ideals to become less spontaneous less alive in a way this knowledge lies dormant in all of us as a seducer you must bring it to the surface make it clear how far people have strayed from their past goals and ideals you in turn present yourself as representing that ideal as offering a chance to recapture lost youth through adventure through seduction old age is constantly seduced by youth but first the young people must make it clear what the older ones are missing how they have lost their ideals only then will they feel that the presence of the young will let them recapture that spark the rebellious spirit that age and society have conspired to repress this concept has infinite applications corporations and politicians know that they cannot seduce their public into buying what they want them to buy or doing what they want them to do unless they first awaken a sense of need and discontent make the masses uncertain about their identity and you can help define it for them it is as true of groups or nations as it is of individuals they can't be seduced without being made to feel some lack a group like an individual can get mired in routine losing track of its original goals too much prosperity saps it of strength you can seduce an entire nation by aiming at its collective insecurity that latent sense that not everything is what it seems stirring dissatisfaction with the present and reminding people about the glorious past can unsettle their sense of identity then you can be the one to redefine it a grand seduction six master the art of insinuation you can't pass through life without in one way or another trying to persuade people of something take the direct route saying exactly what you want and your honesty may make you feel good but you are probably not getting anywhere people have their own sets of ideas which are hardened into stone by habit your words entering their minds compete with the thousands of preconceived notions that are already there and get nowhere besides people resent your attempt to persuade them as if they were incapable of deciding by themselves as if you knew better consider instead the power of insinuation and suggestion it requires some patience and art but the results are more than worth it the way insinuation works is simple disguised in a banal remark or encounter a hint is dropped it is about some emotional issue a possible pleasure not yet attained a lack of excitement in a person's life the hint registers in the back of the target's mind a subtle stab at his or her insecurities its source is quickly forgotten it is too subtle to be memorable at the time and later when it takes root and grows it seems to have emerged naturally from the target's own mind as if it was there all along insinuation lets you bypass people's natural resistance for they seem to be listening only to what is originated in themselves it is a language on its own communicating directly with the unconscious no seducer no persuader can hope to succeed without mastering the language and art of insinuation slips of the tongue apparently inadvertent sleep on it comments alluring references statements for which you quickly apologize all of these have immense insinuating power they get under people's skin and take on a life of their own the key to succeeding with your insinuations is to make them when your targets are at their most relaxed or distracted so that they are not aware of what is happening polite banter is often the perfect front for this people are thinking about what they will say next or are absorbed in their own thoughts your insinuations will barely register which is how you want it in one of his early campaigns john f kennedy addressed a group of veterans kennedy's brave exploits during world war ii the pt-109 incident that made him a war hero were known to all but in the speech he talked of the other man on the boat never mentioning himself he knew however that what he had done was on everyone's mind because in fact he had put it there not only did his silence on the subject make them think of it on their own it made kennedy seem humble and modest qualities that go well with heroism in seduction as the french courtesan nino de long claw advised it is better not to talk about your love for a person let your target read it in your manner your silence on the subject will have more insinuating power than if you had addressed it directly not only words insinuate pay attention to gestures and looks the face speaks its own language we're used to trying to read people's faces which are often better indicators of their feelings than what they say which is so easy to control since people are always reading your looks use them to transmit the insinuating finally the reason insinuation works so well is not just that it bypasses people's natural resistance it is also the language of pleasure there is too little mystery in the world too many people say exactly what they feel or want we yearn for something enigmatic for something to feed our fantasies because of the lack of suggestion and ambiguity in daily life the person who uses them suddenly seems to have something alluring and full of promise it's a kind of titillating game what is this person up to what does he mean or she mean hints suggestions and insinuations create a seductive atmosphere signaling that their victim is no longer involved in the routines of daily life but is entered into another realm seven enter their spirit one of the great sources of frustration in our lives is other people's stubbornness how hard it is to reach them to make them see things our way we often have the impression that when they seem to be listening to us and apparently agreeing with us it is all superficial the moment we are gone they revert to their own ideas we spend our lives butting up against people as if they were stone walls but instead of complaining about how misunderstood or ignored you are why not try something different instead of seeing other people as spiteful or indifferent instead of trying to figure out why they act the way they do look at them through the eyes of the seducer the way to lure people out of their natural intractability and self-obsession is to enter their spirit all of us are narcissists when we were children our narcissism was physical we were interested in our own image our own body as if it were a separate being as we grow older our narcissism grows more psychological we become absorbed in our own tastes opinions experiences a hard shell forms around us paradoxically the way to entice people out of this shell is to become more like them in fact a kind of mirror image of them you do not have to spend days studying their minds simply conform to their moods adapt to their tastes play along with whatever they send your way in doing so you will lower their natural defensiveness their sense of self-esteem does not feel threatened by your strangeness or different habits people truly love themselves but what they love most of all is to see their ideas and tastes reflected in another person this validates them their habitual insecurity vanishes hypnotized by their mirror image they relax now that their inner wall has crumbled you can slowly draw them out and eventually turn the dynamic around once they are open to you it becomes easy to infect them with your own moods and heat entering the other person's spirit is a kind of hypnosis it is the most insidious and effective form of persuasion known to man eight create temptation most of the time people struggle to maintain security and a sense of balance in their lives if they were always uprooting themselves in pursuit of every new person or fantasy that passed them by they could not survive the daily grind they usually win the struggle but it doesn't come easy the world is full of temptation they read about people who have more than they do about adventures others are having about people who have found wealth and happiness the security that they strive for and that they seem to have in their lives is actually an illusion it covers up a constant tension as a seducer you can never mistake people's appearance for reality you know that their fight to keep order in their lives is exhausting and that they are gnawed by doubts and regrets it is hard to be good and virtuous always having to repress the strongest desires with that knowledge in mind seduction is easier what people want is not temptation temptation happens every day what people want is to give in to temptation to yield that is the only way to get rid of the tension in their lives it costs much more to resist temptation than to surrender your task then is to create a temptation that is stronger than the daily variety it has to be focused on them aimed at them as individual understand everyone has a principal weakness from which others stem find that childhood insecurity that lack in their life and you hold the key to tempting them their weakness may be greed vanity boredom some deeply repressed desire a hunger for forbidden fruit they signal it in little details that elude their conscious control their style of clothing and offhand comment their past and particularly their past romances will be littered with clues give them a potent temptation tailored to their weakness and you can make the hope of pleasure that you stir in them figure more prominently than the doubts and anxieties that accompany it many such social barriers are gone today so they have to be manufactured it is the only way to put spice into seduction taboos of any kind are a source of tension and they are psychological now not religious you are looking for some repression some secret desire that will make your victims squirm uncomfortably if you hit upon it but will tempt them all the more search in their past whatever they seem to fear or flee from might hold the key it could be a yearning for a mother or father figure or a latent homosexual desire perhaps you can satisfy that desire by presenting yourself as a masculine woman or a feminine man for others you play the lolita or the daddy someone they're not supposed to have the dark side of their personality keep the connection vague you want them to reach for something elusive something that comes out of their own mind phase two lead astray creating pleasure and confusion your victims are sufficiently intrigued and their desire for you is growing but their attachment is weak and at any moment they could decide to turn back the goal in this phase is to lead your victims so far astray keeping them emotional and confused giving them pleasure but making them want more that retreat is no longer possible springing on them a pleasant surprise will make them see you as delightfully unpredictable but will also keep them off balance the artful use of soft and pleasant words will intoxicate them and stimulate fantasies aesthetic touches and pleasant little rituals would titillate their senses distract their minds your greatest danger in this phase is the mere hint of routine or familiarity you need to maintain some mystery to keep a little distance so that in your absence your victims become obsessed with you they may realize that they are falling for you but they must never suspect how much of this has come from your manipulations a well-timed display of your weakness of how emotional you have become under their influence will help cover your tracks to excite your victims and make them highly emotional you must give them the feeling that they are actually living some of the fantasies you have stirred in their imagination by giving them only a part of the fantasy you will keep them coming back for more focusing your attention on them so that the rest of the world fades away even taking them on a trip will lead them far astray there is no turning back nine keep them in suspense what comes next the moment people feel they know what to expect from you your spell on them is broken more you have seated them power the only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense a calculated surprise people love a mystery and this is the key to luring them further into your web behave in a way that leaves them wondering what are you up to doing something they don't expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity they will not be able to foresee what comes next you are always one step ahead and in control give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction a child is usually a willful stubborn creature who will deliberately do the opposite of what we ask but there is one scenario in which children will happily give up their usual willfulness when they are promised a surprise perhaps it is a present hidden in a box a game with an unforeseeable ending a journey with an unknown destination a suspenseful story with a surprise finish in those moments when children are waiting for a surprise their willpower is suspended they are in your thrall for as long as you dangle possibility before them this childish habit is buried deep within us and is the source of an elemental human pleasure being led by a person who knows where they are going and who takes us we get a similar thrill when we watch a movie or read a thriller we are in the hands of a director or author who is leading us along taking us through twists and turns we stay in our seats we turn the pages happily enslaved by the suspense it is the pleasure a woman has in being led by a confident dancer letting go of any defensiveness she may feel and letting another person do the work falling in love involves anticipation we are about to head off in a new direction enter a new life where everything will be strange the seduced wants to be led to be carried along like a child if you are predictable the charm wears off everyday life is predictable not only does suddenness create a seductive jolt it conceals manipulations appear somewhere unexpectedly say or do something sudden and people will not have time to figure out that your move was calculated take them to some new place as if it only just occurred to you suddenly reveals some secret made emotionally vulnerable they will be too bewildered to see through you anything that happens suddenly seems natural and anything that seems natural has a seductive charm finally you might think it wiser to present yourself as someone reliable not given to caprice if so you are in fact merely timid it takes courage and effort to mount a seduction reliability is fine for drawing people in but stay reliable and you stay aboard dogs are reliable a seducer is not if on the other hand you prefer to improvise imagining that any kind of planning or calculation is antithetical to the spirit of surprise you are making a grave mistake constant improvisation simply means you are lazy and thinking only about yourself what often seduces a person is the feeling that you have expended effort on their behalf you don't need to trumpet this too loudly but make it clear in the gifts you make the little journeys you plan the little teases you lure people with little efforts like these will be more than amply rewarded by the conquest of the heart and will power of the seduced 10. use the demonic power of words to sow confusion we rarely think before we talk it is human nature to say the first thing that comes into our head and usually what comes first is something about ourselves we primarily use words to express our own feelings ideas and opinions also to complain and to argue this is because we are generally self-absorbed the person who interests us most is our own self to a certain extent this is inevitable and through much of our lives there is nothing much wrong with it we can function quite well this way in seduction however it limits our potential you can't seduce without an ability to get outside your own skin and inside another person's piercing their psychology the key to seductive language is not the words you utter or your seductive tone of voice it is a radical shift in perspective and habit you have to stop saying the first thing that comes to your mind you have to control the urge to prattle and vent your opinions the key is to see words as a tool not for communicating true thoughts and feelings but for confusing delighting and intoxicating the difference between normal language and seductive language is like the difference between noise and music noise is a constant in modern life something irritating we tune out if we can our normal language is like noise people may half listen to us as we go on about ourselves but just as often their thoughts are a million miles away every now and then their ears prick up when something we say touches on them but this lasts only until we return to yet another story about ourselves as early as childhood we learn to tune out this kind of noise particularly when it comes from our parents music on the other hand is seductive and gets under our skin it is intended for pleasure a melody or a rhythm stays in our blood for days after we have heard it altering our moods and emotions relaxing or exciting us to make music instead of noise you must say things that please things that relate to people's lives that touch their vanity if they have many problems you can produce the same effect by distracting them focusing their attention away from themselves by saying things that are witty and entertaining or that make the future seem bright and hopeful promises and flattery are music to anyone's ears this is language designed to move people and lower their resistance it is language designed for them flattery is seductive language in its purest form its purpose is not to express a truth or a real feeling but only to create an effect on the recipient learn to aim your flattery directly at a person's insecurities for instance if a man is a fine actor and feels confident about his professional skills to flatter him about his acting will have little effect and may even accomplish the opposite he could feel that he is above the need to have his ego stroked and your flattery will seem to say otherwise but let us say that this actor is an amateur musician or he does this work on his own without professional support or publicity and he is well aware that others make their living at it flattery of his artistic pretensions will go straight to his head and earn you double points learn to sniff out the parts of a person's ego that need validation make it a surprise something no one else has thought to flatter before something you can describe as a talent or positive quality that others have not noticed speak with a little tremor as if your target's charms had overwhelmed you and made you emotional flattery can be a kind of verbal foreplay aphrodite's powers of seduction which were said to come from the magnificent girdle she wore involved a sweetness of language a skill with the soft flattering words that prepare the way for erotic thoughts insecurities and nagging self-doubts have a dampening effect on the libido make your targets feel secure and alluring through your flattering words and their resistance will melt away sometimes the most pleasant thing to hear is the promise of something wonderful a vague but rosy future that is just around the corner president franklin delano roosevelt in his public speeches talked little about specific programs for dealing with the depression instead he used rousing rhetoric to paint a picture of america's glorious future in the various legends of don juan the great seducer would immediately focus women's attention on the future a fantastic world to which he promised to whisk them off tailor your sweet words to your target's particular problems and fantasies promise something realizable something possible but do not make it too specific you are inviting them to dream if they are mired in dull routine talk of adventure preferably with you don't discuss how it will be accomplished speak as if it magically already existed somewhere in the future lift people's thoughts into the clouds and they will relax their defenses will come down and it will be that much easier to maneuver and lead them astray your words become a kind of elevating drug the most anti-seductive form of language is argument how many silent enemies do we create by arguing there is a superior way to get people to listen and be persuaded humor and a light touch the 19th century english politician benjamin disraeli was a master at this game in parliament to fail to reply to an accusation or slanderous comment was a deadly mistake silence meant the accuser was right yet to respond angrily to get into an argument was to look ugly and defensive disraeli used a different tactic he stayed calm when the time came to reply to an attack he would slowly make his way to the speaker's table pause and then utter a humorous or sarcastic retort everyone would laugh now that he had warmed people up he would proceed to refute his enemies still mixing in amusing comments or perhaps he would simply move on to another subject as if he were above it all his humor took out the sting of any attack on him laughter and applause have a domino effect once your listeners have laughed they are more likely to laugh again in this lighthearted mood they are also more apt to listen a subtle touch and a bit of irony give you room to persuade them move them to your side mock your enemies that is the seductive form perhaps you are not trying to whip a crowd into a frenzy you just want to bring people over to your side choose your strategy and words carefully you might think it is better to reason with people explain your ideas but it is hard for an audience to decide whether an argument is reasonable as they listen to you talk they have to concentrate and listen closely which requires great effort people are easily distracted by other stimuli and if they miss a part of your argument they will feel confused intellectually inferior and vaguely insecure it is more persuasive to appeal to people's hearts than their heads everyone shares emotions and no one feels inferior to a speaker who stirs up their feelings the crowd bonds together everyone contagiously experiencing the same emotions use changes of perspective to make your listeners feel what you're saying orchestrate your effects it is more effective to move from one emotion to another than to just hit one note the emotions you're trying to arouse should be strong ones don't speak of friendship and disagreement speak of love and hate and it is crucial to try to feel something of the emotions you're trying to elicit you will be more believable that way this shouldn't be difficult imagine the reasons for loving or hating before you speak if necessary think of something from your past that fills you with rage emotions are contagious it is easier to make someone cry if you are crying yourself make your voice an instrument and train it to communicate emotion learn to seem sincere napoleon studied the greatest actors of his time and when he was alone he would practice putting emotion into his voice the goal of seductive speech is often to create a kind of hypnosis you are distracting people lowering their defenses making them more vulnerable to suggestion learn the hypnotists lessons of repetition and affirmation key elements in putting a subject to sleep repetition involves using the same words over and over preferably a word with emotional content taxes liberals bigots the effect is mesmerizing ideas can be permanently implanted in people's unconscious simply by being repeated often enough affirmation is simply the making of strong positive statements like the hypnotists commands seductive language should have a kind of boldness which will cover up a multitude of sins your audience will be so caught up in your bold language that they won't have time to reflect on whether or not it is true never say i don't think the other side made a wise decision say we deserve better or they have made a mess of things affirmative language is active language full of verbs imperatives and short sentences cut out i believe perhaps in my opinion head straight for the heart you are learning to speak a different kind of language most people employ symbolic language their words stand for something real the feelings ideas and beliefs they really have or they stand for concrete things in the real world the origin of the word symbolic lies in a greek word meaning to bring things together in this case a word and something real as a seducer you are using the opposite diabolic language your words don't stand for anything real their sound and the feelings they evoke are more important than what they are supposed to stand for the word diabolic ultimately means to separate to throw things apart hear words and reality the more you make people focus on your sweet sounding language and on the illusions and fantasies it conjures the more you diminish their contact with reality you lead them into the clouds where it is hard to distinguish truth from untruth real from unreal keep your words vague and ambiguous so people are never quite sure what you mean envelope them in demonic diabolic language and they will not be able to focus on your maneuvers on the possible consequences of your seduction and the more they lose themselves in illusion the easier it will be to lead them astray and seduce them eleven pay attention to detail lofty words and grand gestures can be suspicious why are you trying so hard to please the details of a seduction the subtle gestures the offhand things you do are often more charming and revealing you must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals thoughtful gifts tailored just for them clothes and adornments designed to please them gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them all of their senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate create spectacles to dazzle their eyes mesmerized by what they see they will not notice what you are really up to learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details when we were children our senses were much more active the colors of a new toy or a spectacle such as a circus held us enthrall a smell or a sound could fascinate us in the games we created many of them reproducing something in the adult world on a smaller scale what pleasure we took in orchestrating every detail we noticed everything as we grow older our senses get dulled we no longer notice as much for we are constantly hurrying to get things done to move on to the next task in seduction you are always trying to bring the target back to the golden moments of childhood a child is less rational more easily deceived a child is also more attuned to the pleasures of the senses so when your targets are with you you must never give them the feeling that they normally get in the real world where we are all rushed ruthless out for ourselves you need to deliberately slow things down and return them to the simpler times of their youth the details that you orchestrate colors gifts little ceremonies are aimed at their senses at the childish delight we take in the immediate charms of the natural world their senses filled with delightful things they grow less capable of reason and rationality pay attention to detail and you will find yourself assuming a slower pace your targets will not focus on what you might be after sexual favors power etcetera because you seem so considerate so attentive in the childish realm of the senses in which you envelop them they get a clear sense that you are involving them in something distinct from the real world an essential ingredient of seduction remember the more you get people to focus on the little things the less they will notice your larger direction the seduction will assume the slow hypnotic pace of a ritual in which the details have a heightened importance and the moments are full of ceremony since time immemorial women have known that within the most apparently self-possessed man is an animal whom they can lead by filling his senses with the proper physical yours the key is to attack on as many fronts as possible don't ignore your voice your gestures your walk your clothes your glances some of the most alluring women in history have so distracted their victims with sensual detail that the men failed to notice it is all an illusion from the 1940s on into the early 1960s pamela churchill harriman had a series of affairs with some of the most prominent and wealthy men in the world avril harriman whom years later she married johnny agnelli heir to the fiat fortune baron ellie de roth's child what attracted these men and kept them enthrall was not her beauty or her lineage or her vivicious personality but her extraordinary attention to detail it began with her attentive look as she listened to your every word soaking up your tastes once she found her way into your home she would fill it with your favorite flowers get your chef to cook that dish you had tasted only in the finest restaurants you mentioned an artist you liked a few days later that artist would be attending one of your parties she found the perfect antiques for you dressed in the way that most pleased or excited you and she did this without your saying a word she spied gathered information from third parties overheard you talking to someone else harriman's attention to detail had an intoxicating effect on all the men in her life it had something in common with the pampering of a mother there to bring order and comfort into their lives attending to their needs life is harsh and competitive attending to detail in a way that is soothing to the other person makes them dependent on you the key is probing their needs in a way that is not too obvious so that when you make precisely the right gesture it seems uncanny as if you had read their mind this is another way of returning your targets to childhood when all of everything in seduction is a sign nothing more so than clothes it is not that you have to dress interestingly elegantly or provocatively but that you have to dress for your target have to appeal to your target's tastes when cleopatra was seducing mark anthony her dress was not brazenly sexual she dressed as a greek goddess knowing his weakness for such fantasy figures madame de pompadour the mistress of king louis xv knew the king's weakness his chronic boredom she constantly wore different clothes changing not only their color but their style supplying the king with a constant feast for his eyes pamela harriman was subdued in the fashion she wore befitting her role as a high society geisha and reflecting the sober tastes of the men she seduced contrast works well here at work or at home you might dress nonchalantly marilyn monroe for example wore jeans and a t-shirt at home but when you are with the target you wear something elaborate as if you were putting on a costume your cinderella transformation will stir excitement and the feeling that you have done something just for the person you are with whenever your attention is individualized you would not dress like that for anyone else it is infinitely more seductive in the 1870s queen victoria found herself wooed by benjamin disraeli her own prime minister the israeli's words were flattering and his manner insinuating he also sent her flowers valentine's gifts but not just any flowers or gifts the kind that most men would send the flowers were primroses symbols of their simple yet beautiful friendship from then on whenever victoria saw primrose she thought of israeli or he would write on a valentine that he no longer in the sunset but the twilight of his existence must encounter a life of anxiety and toil but this too has its romance when he remembers that he labors for the most gracious of beings or he might send her a little box with no inscription but with a heart transfixed by an arrow on one side and the word fideliter or faithfully on the other victoria fell in love with israeli a gift has immense seductive power but the object itself is less important than the gesture and the subtle thought or emotion that it communicates perhaps the choice relates to something from the target's past or symbolizes something between you or merely represents the lengths you will go to please it was not the money israeli spent that impressed victoria but the time he took to find the appropriate thing or make the appropriate gesture expensive gifts have no sentiment attached they may temporarily excite their recipient but they are quickly forgotten as a child forgets a new toy the object that reflects its giver's attentiveness has a lingering sentimental power which resurfaces every time its owner sees it finally words are important in seduction and have a great deal of power to confuse distract and boost the vanity of the target but what is most seductive in the long run is what you do not say what you communicate indirectly words come easily and people distrust them anyone can say the right words and once they are said nothing is binding and they may even be forgotten altogether the gesture the thoughtful gift the little details seem much more real and substantial they are also much more charming than lofty words about love precisely because they speak for themselves and let the seduced read into them more than is there never tell someone what you are feeling let them guess it in your looks and gestures that is the more convincing language 12. poeticize your presence we all have a self image that is more flattering than the truth we think of ourselves as more generous selfless honest kindly intelligent or good looking than in fact we are it is extremely difficult for us to be honest with ourselves about our own limitations we have a desperate need to idealize ourselves as the writer angela carter remarks we would rather align ourselves with angels than with the higher primates from which we are actually descended this need to idealize extends to our romantic entanglements because when we fall in love or under the spell of another person we see a reflection of ourselves the choice we make in deciding to become involved with another person reveals something important and intimate about us we resist seeing ourselves as having fallen for someone who is cheap or tacky or tasteless because it reflects badly on who we are furthermore we are often likely to fall for someone who resembles us in some way should that person be deficient or worst of all ordinary then there is something deficient and ordinary about us no at all costs the loved one must be overvalued and idealized at least for the sake of our own self-esteem besides in a world that is harsh and full of disappointment it is a great pleasure to be able to fantasize about a person you are involved with this makes the seducers task easy people are dying to be given the chance to fantasize about you don't spoil this golden opportunity by over exposing yourself or becoming so familiar and banal that the target sees you exactly as you are you do not have to be an angel or a paragon of virtue that would be quite boring you can be dangerous naughty even somewhat vulgar depending on the tastes of your victim but never be ordinary or limited in poetry as opposed to reality anything is possible soon after we fall under a person's spell we form an image in our minds of who they are and what pleasures they might offer thinking of them when we are alone we tend to make this image more and more idealized remember if you're easily had you can't be worth that much it's hard to wax poetic about a person who comes so cheaply if after the initial interest you make it clear that you can't be taken for granted if you stir a bit of doubt the target will imagine there is something special lofty and unattainable about you your image will crystallize in the other person's mind any kind of heightened experience artistic or spiritual lingers in the mind much longer than normal experience you must find a way to share such moments with your targets a concert a play a spiritual encounter whatever it takes so that they associate something elevated with you shared moments of exuberance have immense seductive pull also any kind of object can be imbued with poetic resonance and sentimental associations as discussed in the last section the gifts you give and other objects can become imbued with your presence if they are associated with pleasant memories the sight of them keeps you in mind and accelerates the poeticization process although it is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder an absence too early will prove deadly to the crystallization process you must surround your targets with focused attention so that in those critical moments when they are alone their mind is spinning with a kind of afterglow do everything you can to keep the target thinking about you letters mementos gifts unexpected meetings all of these give you an omnipresence everything must remind them of you finally if your target should see you as elevated and poetic there is much to be gained by making them feel elevated and poeticized in their turn the french writer chateaubriand would make a woman feel like a goddess she had such a powerful effect on him he would send her poems that she supposedly had inspired to make queen victoria feel as if she were both a seductive woman and a great leader benjamin disraeli would compare her to mythological figures and great predecessors such as queen elizabeth the first by idealizing your targets this way you will make them idealize you in return since you must be equally great to be able to appreciate and see all of their fine qualities they will also grow addicted to the elevated feeling you give them thirteen disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion the best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger if you seem to be weak vulnerable enthralled by the other person and unable to control yourself you will make your actions look more natural less calculated physical weakness tears bashfulness paleness will help create the effect to further win trust exchange honesty for virtue establish your sincerity by confessing some sin on your part it doesn't have to be real sincerity is more important than goodness play the victim then transform your target sympathy into love we all have weaknesses vulnerabilities frailnesses in our mental makeup perhaps we are shy or oversensitive or need attention whatever the weakness is it is something we cannot control we may try to compensate for it or to hide it but this is often a mistake people sense something inauthentic or unnatural remember what is natural to your character is inherently seductive a person's vulnerability what they seem to be unable to control is often what is most seductive about them people who display no weaknesses on the other hand often elicit envy fear and anger we want to sabotage them just to bring them down don't struggle against your vulnerabilities or try to repress them but put them into play learn to transform them into power the game is subtle if you wallow in your weakness over play your hand you will be seen as angling for sympathy or worse as pathetic no what works best is to allow people an occasional glimpse into the soft frail side of your character and usually only after they have known you for a while that glimpse will humanize you lowering their suspicions and preparing the ground for a deeper attachment normally strong and in control at moments you let go give in to your weakness let them see it there are fears and insecurities peculiar to each sex your use of strategic weakness must always take these differences into account a woman for instance may be attracted by a man's strength and self-confidence but too much of it can create fear seeming unnatural even ugly particularly intimidating is the sense that the man is cold and unfeeling she may feel insecure that he is only after sex and nothing else male seducers long ago learned to become more feminine to show their emotions and to seem interested in their targets lives the medieval troubadours were the first to master this strategy they wrote poetry in honor of women emoted endlessly about their feelings and spent hours in their ladies boudoirs listening to the women's complaints and soaking up their spirit in return for their willingness to play weak the troubadours earned the right to love little has changed since then some of the greatest seducers in recent history understood the value of acting slavishly to a woman like a troubadour on bended knee the key is to indulge your softer side while still remaining as masculine as possible this may include an occasional show of bashfulness an extremely seductive tactic for a man it gives the woman a sense of comfort and even of superiority remember though to keep everything in moderation a glimpse of shyness is sufficient too much of it and the target will despair afraid that you will end up having to do all the work a man's fears and insecurities often concern his sense of masculinity he usually will feel threatened by a woman who is too overtly manipulative who is too much in control the greatest seductresses in history knew how to cover up their manipulations by playing the little girl in need of masculine protection the women were the ones in control of the dynamic boosting a man's sense of masculinity in order to ultimately enslave him to make this most effective a woman should seem both in need of protection and sexually excitable giving the man his the empress josephine wife of napoleon bonaparte won dominance over her husband early on through a calculated coca tree later on though she held on to that power through her constant and not so innocent use of tears seeing someone cry usually has an immediate effect on our emotions we can't remain neutral we feel sympathy and most often will do anything to stop the tears including things that we normally wouldn't do weeping is an incredibly potent tactic but the weeper is not always so innocent there is usually something real behind the tears but there may also be an element of acting of playing for effect and if the target senses this the tactic is doomed beyond the emotional impact of tears there is something seductive about sadness we want to comfort the other person as jorvel discovered that desire quickly turns into love affecting sadness even crying sometimes has great strategic value even for a man it is a skill you can learn use tears sparingly and save them for the right moment perhaps this might be a time when the target seems suspicious of your motives or when you are worrying about having no effect on him or her tears are a sure barometer of how deeply the other person is falling for you if they seem annoyed or resist the bait your case is probably hopeless in social and political situations seeming too ambitious or too controlled will make people fear you it is crucial to show your soft side the display of a single weakness will hide a multitude of manipulations emotion or even tears will work here too most seductive of all is playing the victim for his first speech in parliament benjamin disraeli prepared an elaborate oration but when he delivered it the opposition yelled and laughed so loudly that hardly any of it could be heard he plowed ahead and gave the whole speech and by the time he sat down he felt he had failed miserably much to his amazement his colleagues told him the speech was a marvelous success it would have been a failure if he had complained or given up but by going ahead as he did he positioned himself as the victim of a cruel and unreasonable faction almost everyone sympathized with him now which would serve him well in the future attacking your mean-spirited opponents can make you seem ugly as well instead soak up their blows and play the victim the public will rally to your side in an emotional response that will lay the groundwork for a grand political seduction 14. confuse desire and reality the perfect illusion the real world can be unforgiving events occur over which we have little control other people ignore our feelings in their quests to get what they need time runs out before we accomplish what we had wanted if we ever stopped to look at the present and future in a completely objective way we would despair fortunately we developed the habit of dreaming early on in this other mental world that we inhabit the future is full of rosy possibilities perhaps tomorrow we will sell that brilliant idea or meet the person who will change our lives our culture stimulates these fantasies with constant images and stories of marvelous occurrences and happy romances the problem is these images and fantasies exist only in our minds or on screen they really aren't enough we crave the real thing not this endless daydreaming and titillation your task as a seducer is to bring some flesh and blood into someone's fantasy life by embodying a fantasy figure or creating a scenario resembling that person's dreams no one can resist the pull of a secret desire that has come to life before their eyes you must first choose targets who have some repression or dream unrealized always the most likely victims of a seduction slowly and gradually you will build up the illusion that they are getting to see and feel and live those dreams of theirs once they have this sensation they will lose contact with reality and begin to see your fantasy as more real than anything else most people have a misconception about illusion as any magician knows it need not be built out of anything grand or theatrical the grand and theatrical can in fact be destructive calling too much attention to you and your schemes instead create the appearance of normality once your targets feel secure nothing is out of the ordinary you have room to deceive them in animating a fantasy the great mistake is imagining that it must be larger than life that would border on camp which is entertaining but rarely seductive instead what you aim for is what freud called the uncanny something strange and familiar at the same time like a deja vu or a childhood memory anything slightly irrational and dreamlike the uncanny the mix of the real and the unreal has immense power over our imaginations the fantasies you bring to life for your targets should not be bizarre or exceptional they should be rooted in reality with a hint of the strange the theatrical the occult in talk of destiny for example you vaguely remind people of something in their childhood or a character in a film or book the secret to creating an uncanny effect is to keep it subtle role-playing is immensely pleasurable its appeal goes back to childhood where we first learn the thrill of trying on different parts imitating adults or figures out of fiction as we get older and society fixes a role on us a part of us yearns for the playful approach we once had the masks we were able to wear we still want to play that game to act a different role in life indulge your targets in this wish by first making it clear that you are playing a role then inviting them to join you in a shared fantasy the more you set things up like a play or a piece of fiction the better everyone has lost something in life has felt the pangs of disappointment the idea that we can get something back that a mistake can be righted is immensely seductive the mind is infinitely vulnerable to suggestion and even more so when strong desires are involved and nothing is stronger than the desire to change the past right or wrong satisfy a disappointment find these desires in your victim and creating a believable fantasy will be simple for you few have the power to see through an illusion they desperately want to believe in 15. isolate the victim an isolated person is weak by slowly isolating your victims you make them more vulnerable to your influence their isolation may be psychological by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them you crowd out everything else in their mind they see and think only of you the isolation may also be physical you take them away from their normal milieu friends family home give them the sense of being marginalized in limbo they are leaving one world behind and entering another once isolated like this they have no outside support and in their confusion they are easily led astray you're the seduced into your lair where nothing is familiar the people around you may seem strong and more or less in control of their lives but that is merely a facade underneath people are more brittle than they let on what lets them seem strong is a series of nests and safety nets they envelop themselves in their friends their families their daily routines which give them a feeling of continuity safety and control suddenly pull the rug out from under them drop them alone into some foreign place where the familiar signposts are gone or scrambled and you will see a very different person a target who is strong and settled is hard to seduce but even the strongest people can be made vulnerable if you can isolate them from their nests and safety nets block out their friends and family with your constant presence alienate them from the world they are used to and take them to places they do not know get them to spend time in your environment deliberately disturb their habits get them to do things they have never done they will grow emotional making it easier to lead them astray disguise all this in the form of a pleasurable experience and your targets will wake up one day distanced from everything that normally comforts them then they will turn to you for help like a child crying out for its mother when the lights are turned out in seduction as in warfare the isolated target is weak and vulnerable your worst enemies in a seduction are often your target's family and friends they are outside your circle and immune to your charms they may provide a voice of reason to the seduced you must work silently and subtly to alienate the target from them insinuate that they are jealous of your target's good fortune in finding you or that they are parental figures who have lost a taste for adventure the latter argument is extremely effective with young people whose identities are in flux and who are more than ready to rebel against any authority figure particularly their parents you represent excitement and life the friends and parents represent habit and boredom murder is not a seductive tactic but the seducer does enact a kind of killing a psychological one our past attachments are a barrier to the present even people we have left behind can continue to have a hold on us as a seducer you will be held up to the past compared to previous suitors perhaps found inferior don't let it get to that point crowd out the past with your attentions in the present if necessary find ways to disparage their previous lovers subtly or not so subtly depending on the situation even go so far as to open old wounds making them feel old pain and seeing by contrast how much better the present is the more you can isolate them from their past the deeper they will sink with you into the present the principle of isolation can be taken literally by whisking the target off to an exotic locale islands cut off from the rest of the world have always been associated with the pursuit of sensual pleasures the roman emperor tiberius descended into debauchery once he made his home on the island of capri the danger of travel is that your targets are intimately exposed to you it is hard to maintain an air of mystery but if you take them to a place alluring enough to distract them you will prevent them from focusing on anything banal in your character cleopatra your julius caesar into taking a voyage down the nile moving deeper into egypt he was further isolated from rome and cleopatra was all the more seductive the early 20th century lesbian seductress natalie barney had an on-again-off-again affair with the poet renee vivian to regain her affections she took renee on a trip to the island of lesbos a place natalie had visited many times in doing so she not only isolated renee but disarmed and distracted her with the associations of the place the home of the legendary lesbian poet sappho vivian even began to imagine that natalie was sappho herself don't take the target just anywhere pick the place that will have the most effective associations the seductive power of isolation goes beyond the sexual realm when new adherents joined mahatma gandhi's circle of devoted followers they were encouraged to cut off their ties with the past with their family and friends this kind of renunciation has been a requirement of many religious sects over the centuries people who isolate themselves in this way are much more vulnerable to influence and persuasion a charismatic politician feeds off and even encourages people's feelings of alienation john f kennedy did this to great effect when he subtly disparaged the eisenhower years the comfort of the 1950s he implied compromised american ideals he invited americans to join him in a new life on a new frontier full of danger and excitement it was an extremely seductive lure particularly for the young who were kennedy's most enthusiastic supporters finally at some point in the seduction there must be a hint of danger in the mix your target should feel that they are gaining a great adventure in following you but are also losing something a part of their past their cherished comfort actively encourage these ambivalent feelings an element of fear is the proper spice although too much fear is debilitating in small doses it makes us feel alive like diving out of an airplane it is exciting a thrill at the same time that it is a little frightening and the only person there to break the fall or to catch them is you phase three the precipice deepening the effect through extreme measures the goal in this phase is to make everything deeper the effect you have on their mind feelings of love and attachment tension within your victims with your hooks deep into them you can push them back and forth between hope and despair until they weaken and snap showing how far you are willing to go for your victims doing some noble or chivalrous deed will create a powerful jolt spark an intensely positive reaction everyone has scars repressed desires and unfinished business from childhood bring these desires and wounds to the surface make your victims feel that they are getting what they never got as a child and you will penetrate deep into their psyche stir uncontrollable emotions now you could take your victims past their limits getting them to act out their dark sides adding a sense of danger to your seduction you need to deepen the spell and nothing will more confuse and enchant your victims than giving your seduction a spiritual veneer it is not lust that motivates you but destiny divine thoughts and everything elevated the erotic lurks beneath the spiritual now your victims have been properly set up by deliberately hurting them instilling fears and anxieties you will lead them to the edge of the precipice from which it will be easy to push and make them fall they feel great tension and are yearning for relief prove yourself anyone can talk big say lofty things about their feelings insist on how much they care for us and also for all oppressed peoples in the far reaches of the planet but if they never behave in a way that will back up their words we begin to doubt their sincerity perhaps we're dealing with a charlatan or a hypocrite or a coward flattery and fine words can only go so far a time will eventually arrive when you will have to show your victim some evidence to match your words with deeds this kind of evidence has two functions it allows any lingering doubts about you second an action that reveals some positive quality in you is immensely seductive in and of itself brave or selfless deeds create a powerful and positive emotional reaction don't worry your deeds don't have to be so brave and selfless that you lose everything in the process the appearance alone of nobility will often suffice in fact in a world where people over analyze and talk too much any kind of action has a bracing seductive effect it is normal in the course of a seduction to encounter resistance the more obstacles you overcome of course the greater the pleasure that awaits you but many a seduction fails because the seducer does not correctly read the resistances of the target more often than not you give up too easily first understand a primary law of seduction resistance is a sign that the other person's emotions are engaged in the process the only person you can't seduce is somebody distant and cold resistance is emotional and can be transformed into its opposite much as in jiu-jitsu the physical resistance of an opponent can be used to make him fall if people resist you because they don't trust you an apparently selfless deed showing how far you are willing to go to prove yourself is a powerful remedy if they resist because they are virtuous or because they are loyal to someone else all the better virtue and repressed desire are easily overcome by action as the great seductress natalie barney once wrote most virtue is a demand for greater seduction there are two ways to prove yourself first the spontaneous action a situation arises in which the target needs help a problem needs solving or simply he or she needs a favor you can't foresee these situations but you must be ready for them for they can spring up at any time impress the target by going further than really necessary sacrificing more money more time more effort than they had expected your target will often use these moments or even manufacture them as a kind of test will you retreat or will you rise to the occasion you cannot hesitate or flinch even for a moment or all is lost if necessary make the deeds seem to have cost you more than it has never with words but indirectly exhausted looks reports spread through a third party whatever it takes the second way to prove yourself is the brave deed that you plan and execute in advance on your own and at the right moment preferably some way into the seduction when any doubts the victim still has about you are more dangerous than earlier on choose a dramatic difficult action that reveals the painful time and effort involved danger can be extremely seductive cleverly lead your victim into a crisis a moment of danger or indirectly put them in an uncomfortable position and you can play the rescuer the gallant knight the powerful feelings and emotions this elicits can easily be redirected into love seventeen effect a regression people who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat it or relive it the deepest rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the edible triangle and positioning them as the needy child unaware of the cause of their emotional response they will fall in love with you alternatively you too can regress letting them play the role of the protecting nursing parent in either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy son or daughter as adults we tend to overvalue our childhood in their dependency and powerlessness children genuinely suffer yet when we get older we conveniently forget about that and sentimentalize the supposed paradise we have left behind we forget the pain and remember only the pleasure why because the responsibilities of adult life are a burden so oppressive at times that we secretly yearn for the dependency of childhood for that person who looked after our every need assumed our cares and worries this daydream of ours has a strong erotic component for the child's feeling of being dependent on the parent is charged with sexual undertones give people a sensation similar to that protected dependent feeling of childhood and they will project all kinds of fantasies onto you including feelings of love or sexual attraction that they will attribute to something else we won't admit it but we long to regress to shed our adult exterior and vent the childish emotions that linger beneath the surface early in his career sigmund freud confronted a strange problem many of his female patients were falling in love with him he thought he knew what was happening encouraged by freud the patient would delve into her childhood which of course was the source of her illness or neurosis she would talk about a relationship with her father her earliest experiences of tenderness and love and also of neglect and abandonment the process would stir up powerful emotions and memories in a way she would be transported back into her childhood intensifying this effect was the fact that freud himself said little and made himself a little cold and distant although he seemed to be caring in other words quite like the traditional father figure meanwhile the patient was lying on a couch in a helpless or passive position so that the situation duplicated the roles of parent and child eventually she would begin to direct some of the confused emotions she was dealing with toward freud himself unaware of what was happening she would relate to him as to her father she would regress and fall in love freud called this phenomenon transference and it would become an active part of his therapy by getting patients to transfer some of their repressed feelings onto the therapist he would bring their problems into the open where they could be dealt with on a conscious level the transference effect was so potent though that freud was often unable to move his patients past their infatuation in fact transference is a powerful way of creating an emotional attachment the goal of any seduction the method has infinite applications outside psychoanalysis to practice it in real life you need to play the therapist encouraging people to talk about their childhood most of us are only too happy to oblige and our memories are so vivid and emotional that a part of us regresses just in talking about our early years also in the course of talking little secrets slip out we reveal all kinds of valuable information about our weaknesses and our mental makeup information you must attend to and remember don't take your targets words at face value they will often sugarcoat or over dramatize events in childhood but pay attention to their tone of voice to any nervous tics as they talk and particularly to anything they don't want to talk about anything they deny or that makes them emotional many statements actually mean their opposite should they say they hated their father for instance you can be sure that they are hiding a lot of disappointment that they actually loved their father only too much and perhaps never quite got what they wanted from him listen closely for recurring themes and stories most important learn to analyze emotional responses and see what lies behind them while they talk maintain the therapist's pose attentive but quiet making occasional non-judgmental comments be caring yet distant somewhat blank in fact and they will begin to transfer emotions and project fantasies onto you with the information you have gathered about their childhood and the trusting bond you have forged you can now begin to affect the regression perhaps you have uncovered a powerful attachment to a parent a sibling a teacher or any early infatuation a person who casts a shadow over their present lives knowing what it was about this person that affected them so powerfully you can now take over that role or perhaps you've learned of an immense gap in their childhood a neglectful father for instance you act like that parent now but you replace the original neglect with the attention and affection that the real parent never supplied everyone has unfinished business from childhood disappointments lacks painful memories finish what is unfinished discover what your target never got and you have the ingredients for a deep-rooted seduction the key is not just to talk about memories that is weak what you want is to get people to act out in their present old issues from their past without their being aware of what is happening the regressions you can affect fall into four main types the infantile regression the first bond the bond between a mother and her infant is the most powerful one unlike other animals human babies have a long period of helplessness during which they are dependent on their mother creating an attachment that influences the rest of their lives the key to affecting this regression is to reproduce the sense of unconditional love a mother has for her child never judge your targets let them do whatever they want including behaving badly at the same time surround them with loving attention smother them with comfort a part of them will regress to those earliest years when their mother took care of everything and rarely left them alone this works on almost everyone for unconditional love is the rarest and most treasured form you don't even have to tailor your behavior to anything specific in their childhood most of us have experienced this kind of attention meanwhile create atmospheres that reinforce the feeling you are generating warm environments playful activities bright happy colors the edible regression after the bond between mother and child comes the edible triangle of mother father and child this triangle forms during the period of the child's earliest erotic fantasies a boy wants his mother to himself a girl does the same with her father but they never quite have it that way for a parent will always have competing connections to a spouse or to other adults unconditional love has gone now inevitably the parent must sometimes deny what the child desires transport your victims back to this period play a parental role be loving but also sometimes scold and instills some discipline children actually love a little discipline it makes them feel that the adult cares about them and adult children too will be thrilled if you mix your tenderness with a little toughness and punishment unlike infantile regression edible regression must be tailored to your target it depends on the information you have gathered without knowing enough you might treat a person like a child scolding them now and then only to discover that you are stirring up ugly memories they had too much discipline as a child or you might stir up memories of a parent they loathed and they will transfer those feelings to you don't go ahead with the regression until you have learned everything you can about their childhood what they had too much of what they lacked and so on if the target was strongly attached to a parent but that attachment was partially negative the edible regression strategy can still be quite effective we always feel ambivalent toward a parent even as we love them we resent having had to depend on them don't worry about stirring up these ambivalences which don't keep us from being tied to our parents remember to include an erotic component in your parental behavior now your targets are not only getting their mother or father all to themselves they're getting something more something previously forbidden but now allowed the ego ideal regression as children we often form an ideal figure out of our dreams and ambitions first that ideal figure is the person we want to be we imagine ourselves as brave adventurers romantic figures then in our adolescence we turn our attention to others often projecting our ideals onto them the first boy or girl we fall in love with may seem to have the ideal qualities we wanted for ourselves or else may make us feel that we can play that ideal role in relation to them most of us carry these ideals around with us buried just below the surface we are secretly disappointed in how much we have had to compromise how far below the ideal we have fallen as we have gotten older make your targets feel they are living out this youthful ideal and coming closer to being the person they wanted to be and you will affect a different kind of regression creating a feeling reminiscent of adolescence the relationship between you and the seduced is in this instance more equal than in the previous kinds of regressions more like the affection between siblings in fact the ideal is often modeled on a brother or sister to create this effect strive to reproduce the intense innocent mood of a youthful infatuation the reverse parental regression here you are the one to regress you deliberately play the role of the cute adorable yet also sexually charged child older people always find younger people incredibly seductive in the presence of youth they feel a little of their own youth return but they are in fact older and mixed into the invigoration they feel in younger people's company is the pleasure of playing the mother or father to them if a child has erotic feelings toward a parent feelings that are quickly repressed the parent must deal with the same problem in reverse assume the role of the child in relation to your targets however and they get to act out some of those repressed erotic sentiments the strategy may seem to call for a difference in age but this is actually not critical marilyn monroe's exaggerated little girl qualities work just fine on men her age emphasizing a weakness or vulnerability on your part will give the target a chance to play the protector 18 stir up the transgressive and taboo society and culture are based on limits this kind of behavior is acceptable that is not the limits are fluid and change with time but there are always limits the alternative is anarchy the lawlessness of nature which we dread but we are strange animals the moment any kind of limit is imposed physically or psychologically we are instantly curious a part of us wants to go beyond that limit to explore what is forbidden if as children we are told not to go past a certain point in the woods that is precisely where we want to go but we grow older and become polite and deferential more and more boundaries encumber our lives don't confuse politeness with happiness however it covers up frustration unwanted compromise how can we explore the shadow side of our personality without incurring punishment or ostracism it seeps out in our dreams we sometimes wake up with a sense of guilt at the murder incest adultery and mayhem that goes on in our dreams until we realize no one needs to know about it but ourselves but give a person the sense that with you they will have a chance to explore the outer reaches of acceptable polite behavior that with you they convince some of their closeted personality and you create the ingredients for a deep and powerful seduction you will have to go beyond the point of merely teasing them with an elusive fantasy the shock and seductive power will come from the reality of what you are offering them at a certain point you can even press it further than they may want to go if they have followed you merely out of curiosity they may feel some fear and hesitation but once they are hooked they will find you hard to resist for it is hard to return to a limit once you have transgressed and gone past it the human cries out for more and does not know when to stop you will determine for them when it is time to stop the moment people feel that something is prohibited a part of them will want it that is what makes a married man or woman such a delicious target the more someone is prohibited the greater the desire george villiers the earl of buckingham was the favorite first of king james the first then of james's son king charles the first nothing was ever denied him in 1625 on a visit to france he met the beautiful queen anne and fell hopelessly in love what could be more impossible more out of reach than the queen of a rival power he could have had almost any other woman but the prohibited nature of the queen completely inflamed him until he embarrassed himself and his country by trying to kiss her in public since what is forbidden is desired somehow you must make yourself seem forbidden the most blatant way to do this is to engage in behavior that gives you a dark and forbidden aura theoretically you are someone to avoid in fact you are too seductive to resist that was the allure of the actor errol flynn who often found himself the pursuit rather than the pursuer flynn was devilishly handsome but he also had something else a definite criminal streak in his wild youth he engaged in all kinds of shady activities in the nineteen fifties he was charged with rape a permanent stain on his reputation even though he was acquitted but his popularity among women only increased play up your dark side and you will have a similar effect for your targets to be involved with you means going beyond their limits doing something naughty and unacceptable to society to their peers for many that is the reason to bite the bait one of the most seductive men of the 20th century rudolph valentino was known as the sex menace his appeal for women was twofold he could be tender and attentive but he also hinted of cruelty at any moment he could become dangerously bold perhaps even a little violent the studios played up this double image as much as possible when it was reported that he had been abusive to his wife for example they exploited the story a mix of the masculine and the feminine the violent and the tender will always seem transgressive and appealing love is supposed to be tender and delicate but in fact it can release violent and destructive emotions and the possible violence of love the way it breaks down our normal reasonableness is just what attracts us approach romance's violent side by mixing a cruel streak into your tender attentions particularly in the latter stages of the seduction when the target is in your clutches a masochistic involvement can represent a great transgressive release the more illicit your seduction feels the more powerful its effect give your targets the feeling that they are committing a kind of crime a deed whose guilt they share with you create public moments in which the two of you know something that those around you do not it could be phrases and looks that only you recognize a secret johannes the protagonist of soren kierkegaard's the seducer's diary sent a message to his target the young cordelia in the middle of a dinner party where they were both attending she could not reveal to the other guests that it was from him for then she would have to do some explaining he might also say something in public that would have a special meaning for her since it referred to something in one of his letters all of this added spice to the affair by giving it a feeling of a shared secret even a guilty crime it is critical to play on tensions like these in public creating a sense of complicity and collusion against the world in the tristan any solder legend the famous lovers reach the heights of bliss and exhilaration exactly because of the taboos they break isolde is engaged to king mark she will soon be a married woman tristan is a loyal subject and warrior in the service of king mark who is his father's age the whole affair has a feeling of stealing away the bride from the father epitomizing the concept of love in the western world the legend has had immense influence over the ages and a crucial part of it is the idea that without obstacles without a feeling of transgression love is weak and flavorless people may be straining to remove restrictions on private behavior to make everything freer in the world today but that only makes seduction more difficult and less exciting do what you can to reintroduce a feeling of transgression and crime even if it is only psychological or illusory there must be obstacles to overcome social norms to flout laws to break before the seduction can be consummated it might seem that a permissive society imposes few limits find some there will always be limits sacred cows behavioral standards endless ammunition for stirring up the transgressive and taboo 19 use spiritual yours religion is the most seductive system that mankind has created death is our greatest fear and religion offers us the illusion that we are immortal that something about us will live on the idea that we are an infinitesimal part of a vast and indifferent universe is terrifying religion humanizes this universe makes us feel important and loved we are not animals governed by uncontrollable drives animals that die for no apparent reason but creatures made in the image of a supreme being we too can be sublime rational and good anything that feeds a desire or a wished for illusion is seductive and nothing can match religion in this arena pleasure is the bait that you use to lure a person into your web but no matter how clever a seducer you are in the back of your target's mind they are aware of the end game the physical conclusion toward which you are heading you may think your target is unrepressed and hungry for pleasure but almost all of us are plagued by an underlying unease with our animal nature unless you deal with this unease your seduction will be superficial and temporary instead try to capture your target's soul to build the foundation of a deep and lasting seduction you're the victim deep into your web with spirituality making physical pleasure seem sublime and transcendent spirituality will disguise your manipulations suggesting that your relationship is timeless and creating a space for ecstasy in the victim's mind remember that seduction is a mental process and nothing is more mentally intoxicating than religion spirituality and the occult affect a spiritual heir by displaying a discontent with the banalities of life it's not money or sex or success that moves you your drives are never so base no something much deeper motivates you whatever this is keep it vague letting the target imagine your hidden depths the stars astrology fate are always appealing create the sense that destiny has brought you and your target together that will make your seduction feel more natural in a world where too much is controlled and manufactured the sense that fate necessity or some higher power is guiding your relationship is doubly seductive if you want to weave religious motifs into your seduction it is always best to choose some distant exotic religion with a slightly pagan air it is easy to move from pagan spirituality to pagan earthiness timing counts once you have stirred your target souls move quickly to the physical making sexuality seem merely an extension of the spiritual vibrations you are experiencing in other words employ the spiritual strategy as close to the time for your bold move as possible the spiritual is not exclusively the religious or the occult it's anything that will add a sublime timeless quality to your seduction in the modern world culture and art have in some ways taken the place of religion there are two ways to use art in your seduction first create it yourself in the target's honor even if your love is a passing fancy by capturing it in a work of art you give it a seductive illusion of eternity the second way to use art is to make it ennoble the affair giving your seduction an elevated edge the play movie or book can be contemporary even a little raw as long as it contains a noble message and is tied to some just cause even a political movement can be spiritually uplifting remember to tailor your spiritual yours to the target if the target is earthy and cynical paganism or art will be more productive than the occult or religious piety the russian mystic rasputin was revered for his saintliness and his healing powers women in particular were fascinated with rasputin and would visit him in his st petersburg apartment for spiritual guidance he would talk to them of the simple goodness of the russian peasantry god's forgiveness and other lofty matters but after a few minutes of this he would inject a comment or two that were of a much different nature something about the woman's beauty her lips that were so inviting the desires she could inspire in a man he would talk of different kinds of love love of god love between friends love between a man and a woman but mix them all up as if they were one then as he returned to discussing spiritual matters he would suddenly take the woman's hand or whisper into her ear all this would have an intoxicating effect women would find themselves dragged into a kind of maelstrom both spiritually uplifted and sexually excited hundreds of women succumbed during these spiritual visits for he would also tell them that they could not repent until they had sinned and who better to sin with than rasputin rasputin understood the intimate connection between the sexual and the spiritual spirituality the love of god is a sublimated version of sexual love the language of the religious mystics of the middle ages is full of erotic images the contemplation of god and of the sublime can offer a kind of mental orgasm there is no more seductive brew than the combination of the spiritual and the sexual the high and the low when you talk of spiritual matters then let your looks and physical presence hint of sexuality at the same time make the harmony of the universe and union with god seem to confuse with the physical harmony and the union between two people if you can make the endgame of your seduction appear as a spiritual experience you will heighten the physical pleasure and create a seduction with a deep and lasting effect 20 mix pleasure with pain almost everyone is more or less polite we learn early on not to tell people what we really think of them we smile at their jokes act interested in their stories and problems it is the only way to live with them eventually this becomes a habit we are nice even when it isn't really necessary we try to please other people to not step on their toes to avoid disagreements and conflict niceness in seduction however though it may at first draw someone to you it is soothing and comforting soon loses all effect being too nice can literally push the target away from you erotic feeling depends on the creation of tension without tension without anxiety and suspense there can be no feeling of release of true pleasure and joy it is your task to create that tension in the target to stimulate feelings of anxiety and to lead them to and fro so that the culmination of the seduction has real weight and intensity so rid yourself of your nasty habit of avoiding conflict which is in any case unnatural you are most often nice not out of your own inner goodness but out of fear of displeasing out of insecurity go beyond that fear and you suddenly have options the freedom to create pain then magically dissolve it your seductive powers will increase tenfold people will be less upset by your hurtful actions than you might imagine in the world today we often feel starved for experience we crave emotion even if it is negative the pain you cause your targets then is bracing it makes them feel more alive they have something to complain about they get to play the victim as a result once you have turned the pain into pleasure they will readily forgive you stir up their jealousy make them feel insecure and the validation you later give their ego by preferring them over their rivals is doubly delightful remember you have more to fear by boring your targets than by shaking them up wounding people binds them to you more deeply than kindness create tension so you can release it if you need inspiration find the part of the target that most irritates you and use it as a springboard for some therapeutic conflict the more real your cruelty the more effective it is in 1818 the french writer stan doll then living in milan met the countess matilda viscontini for him it was love at first sight she was a proud somewhat difficult woman and she intimidated stendahl who was terribly afraid of displeasing her with a stupid comment or undignified act finally unable to take it any longer he one day took her hand and confessed his love horrified the countess told him to leave and never come back stand all flooded viscontini with letters begging her to forgive him at last she relented she would see him again but under one condition he could visit only once every two weeks for no more than an hour and only in the presence of company stendal agreed he had no choice he now lived for those short fortnightly visits which became occasions of intense anxiety and fear since he was never quite sure whether she would change her mind and banish him forever this went on for over two years during which the countess never showed him the slightest sign of favor stendall never found out why she had insisted on this arrangement perhaps she wanted a toy with him or keep him at a distance all he knew was that his love for her only grew stronger became unbearably intense until finally he had to leave milan to get over this sad affair stendall wrote his famous book on love in which he described the effect of fear on desire first if you fear the loved one you can never get too close or familiar with him or her the beloved then retains an element of mystery which only intensifies your love second there is something bracing about fear it makes you vibrate with sensation heightens your awareness is intensely erotic according to stendal the closer the loved one brings you to the edge of the precipice to the feeling that they could abandon you the dizzier and more lost you will become falling in love means literally falling losing control a mix of fear and excitement apply this wisdom in reverse never let your targets get too comfortable with you they need to feel fear and anxiety show them some coldness a flash of anger they didn't expect be irrational if necessary there is always the trump card a breakup let them feel that they have lost you forever make them fear that they have lost the power to charm you let these feelings sit with them for a while then pull them back from the precipice the reconciliation will be intense in 33 bc mark anthony heard a rumor that cleopatra his lover of several years had decided to seduce his rival octavius and that she was planning to poison anthony cleopatra had poisoned people before in fact she was an expert in the art anthony grew paranoid and finally one day confronted her cleopatra did not protest her innocence yes that was true it was quite within her power to poison anthony at any moment there were no precautions he could take only the love she felt for him could protect him to demonstrate she took some flowers and dropped them into his wine anthony hesitated then raised the cup to his lips cleopatra grabbed his arm and stopped him she had a prisoner brought in to drink the wine and the prisoner promptly dropped dead falling at cleopatra's feet anthony professed that he loved her now more than ever he did not speak out of cowardice there was no man braver than he and if cleopatra could have poisoned him he for his part could have left her and gone back to rome no what pushed him over the edge was the feeling that she had control over his emotions over life and death he was her slave her demonstration of her power over him was not only effective but erratic like anthony many of us have masochistic yearnings without realizing it it takes someone to inflict some pain on us for these deeply repressed desires to come to the surface you must learn to recognize the types of hidden masochists out there for each one enjoys a particular kind of pain for instance there are people who feel that they deserve nothing good in life and who unable to deal with success sabotage themselves constantly be nice to them admit that you admire them and they are uncomfortable since they feel that they cannot possibly match up to the ideal figure you have clearly imagined them to be such self-saboteurs do better with a little punishment scold them make them aware of their inadequacies they feel they deserve such criticism and when it comes it is with a sense of relief it is also easy to make them feel guilty a feeling that deep down they enjoy other people experience the responsibilities and duties of modern life as such a heavy burden they long to give it all up these people are often looking for someone or something to worship a cause a religion a guru make them worship you and then there are those who want to play the martyr recognize them by the joy they take in complaining in feeling righteous and wronged then give them a reason to complain remember appearances deceive often the strongest looking people may secretly want to be punished in any event follow up pain with pleasure and you will create a state of dependency that will last for a long time phase 4 moving in for the kill first you worked on their mind the mental seduction then you confused and stirred them up the emotional seduction now the time has come for hand-to-hand combat the physical seduction at this point your victims are weak and ripe with desire by showing a little coldness or uninterest you will spark panic they will come after you with impatience and erotic energy to bring them to a boil you need to put their minds to sleep and heat up their senses it is best to lure them into lust by sending certain loaded signals that will get under their skin and spread sexual desire like a poison the moment to strike and move in for the kill is when your victim is brimming with desire but not consciously expecting the climax to come once the seduction is over there's the danger that disenchantment will set in and ruin all your hard work if you are after a relationship then you must constantly reseduce the victim creating tension and releasing it if your victim is to be sacrificed then it must be done swiftly and cleanly leaving you free physically and psychologically to move on to the next victim then the game begins all over 21 give them space to fall the pursuer is pursued if your targets become too used to you as the aggressor they will give less of their own energy and the tension will slacken you need to wake them up turn the tables once they are under your spell take a step back and they will start to come after you begin with a touch of aloofness an unexpected non-appearance a hint that you are growing bored stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else make none of this explicit let them only sense it and their imagination will do the rest creating the doubt you desire soon they will want to possess you physically and restraint will go out the window the goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced since humans are naturally obstinate and willful creatures and prone to suspicions of people's motives it is only natural in the course of any seduction that in some ways your target will resist you seductions then are rarely easy or without setbacks but once your victims overcome some of their doubts and begin to fall under your spell they will reach a point where they start to let go they may sense that you are leading them along but they are enjoying it no one likes things to be complicated and difficult and your target will expect the conclusion to come quickly that is the point however where you must train yourself to hold back deliver the pleasurable climax they are so greedily awaiting succumb to the natural tendency to bring the seduction to a rapid end and you will have missed an opportunity to ratchet up the tension to make the affair more heated after all you don't want a passive little victim to toy with you want the seduce to engage their will in all its force to become active participants in the seduction you want them to pursue you hopelessly ensnaring themselves in your web in the process the only way to accomplish this is to take a step back and make them anxious you have strategically retreated before but this is different the target is falling for you now and your retreat will lead to panicky thoughts you are losing interest it is somehow my fault perhaps it's something i've done rather than think you are rejecting them on your own your targets will want to make this interpretation since if the cause of the problem is something they have done they have the power to win you back by changing their behavior if you are simply rejecting them on the other hand they have no control people always want to preserve hope now they will come to you turn aggressive thinking that will do the trick they'll raise the erotic temperature understand a person's willpower is directly linked to their libido their erotic desire when your victims are passively waiting for you their erotic level is low when they turn pursuer getting involved in the process brimming with tension and anxiety the temperature is raised so raise it as high as you can when you withdraw make it subtle you are instilling unease your coldness or distance should dawn on your targets when they are alone in the form of a poisonous doubt creeping into their mind their paranoia will become self-generating your subtle step back will make them want to possess you so they will willingly advance into your arms without being pushed this is different from the strategy in which you are inflicting deep wounds creating a pattern of pain and pleasure there the goal is to make your victims weak and dependent here it is to make them active and aggressive which strategy you prefer to use the two cannot be combined depends on what you want and the proclivities of your victim each gender has its own seductive viewers which come naturally to them when you seem interested in someone but do not respond sexually it's disturbing and presents a challenge they will find a way to seduce you to produce this effect first reveal an interest in your targets through letters or subtle insinuation but when you are in their presence assume a kind of sexless neutrality be friendly even warm but no more you are pushing them into arming themselves with the seductive charms that are natural to their sex exactly what you want in the latter stages of the seduction let your targets feel that you are becoming interested in another person this is another form of taking a step back when napoleon bonaparte first met the young widow josephine de beau arne in 1795 he was excited by her exotic beauty and the looks she gave him he began to attend her weekly soirees and to his delight she would ignore the other man and remain at his side listening to him so attentively he found himself falling in love with josephine and had every reason to believe she felt the same then at one soiree she was friendly and attentive as usual except that she was equally friendly to another man there a former aristocrat like josephine the kind of man that napoleon could never compete with when it came to manners and wit doubts and jealousies began to stir within as a military man he knew the value of going on the offensive and after a few weeks of a swift and aggressive campaign he had her all to himself eventually marrying her of course josephine a clever seductress had set it all up she didn't say she was interested in another man but his mere presence at her house a look here and there subtle gestures made it seem that way there is no more powerful way to hint that you are losing your desire make your interest in another too obvious though and it could backfire this isn't the situation in which you want to seem cruel doubt and anxiety are the effects you are after make your possible interest in another barely perceptible to the naked eye once someone has fallen for you any physical absence will create unease you are literally creating space your absences at this latter point of seduction should seem at least somewhat justified you are insinuating not a blatant brush off but a slight doubt perhaps you could have found some reason to stay perhaps you are losing interest perhaps there is someone else in your absence their appreciation of you will grow they will forget your faults forgive your sins the moment you return they will chase after you as you desire it will be as if you had come back from the dead according to the psychologist theodore reich we learn to love only through rejection as infants we are showered with love by our mother we know nothing else but when we get a little older we begin to sense that her love is not unconditional if we don't behave if we don't please her she can withdraw it the idea that she'll withdraw her affection fills us with anxiety and at first with anger we will show her we will throw a tantrum but that never works and we slowly realize that the only way to keep her from rejecting us again is to imitate her to be as loving kind and affectionate as she is this will bond her to us in the deepest way the pattern is ingrained in us for the rest of our lives by experiencing a rejection or a coldness we learn to court and pursue to love recreate this primal pattern in your seduction first shower your targets with affection they won't be sure where this is coming from but it's a delightful feeling and they'll never want to lose it when it does go away in your strategic step back they'll have moments of anxiety and anger perhaps throwing a tantrum and then the same childlike reaction the only way to win you back to have you for sure will be to reverse the pattern to imitate you to be the affectionate giving one it is the terror of rejection that turns the tables this pattern will often repeat itself naturally in an affair or relationship one person goes cold the other pursues then goes cold in turn making the first person the pursuer and on and on as a seducer do not leave this to chance make it happen you are teaching the other person to become a seducer just as the mother in her own way taught the child to return her love by turning her back for your own sake learn to relish this reversal of roles don't merely play it being the pursuit but enjoy it give in to it the pleasure of being pursued by your victim can often surpass the thrill of the hunt 22 use physical yours now more than ever our minds are in a state of constant distraction barraged with endless information pulled in every direction many of us recognize the problem articles are written studies are completed but they simply become more information to digest it is almost impossible to turn off an overactive mind the attempt simply triggers more thoughts an inescapable hall of mirrors perhaps we turn to alcohol to drugs to physical activity anything to help us slow the mind be more present in the moment our discontent presents the crafty seducer with infinite opportunity the waters around you are teeming with people seeking some kind of release from mental overstimulation the lure of the unencumbered physical pleasure will make them take your bait but as you prowl the waters understand the only way to relax a distracted mind is to make it focus on one thing a hypnotist asks the patient to focus on a watch swinging back and forth once the patient focuses the mind relaxes the senses awaken the body becomes prone to all kinds of novel sensations and suggestions as a seducer you are a hypnotist and what you are making the target focus on is you throughout the seductive process you have been filling the target's mind letters mementos shared experiences keep you constantly present even when you're not there now as you shift to the physical part of the seduction you must see your targets more often your attention must become more intense errol flynn was a master at this game when he homed in on a victim he dropped everything else the woman was made to feel that everything came second to her his career his friends everything then he would take her on a little trip preferably with water around slowly the rest of the world would fade into the background and flynn would take center stage the more your targets think of you the less they are distracted by thoughts of work and duty when the mind focuses on one thing it relaxes and when the mind relaxes all the little paranoid thoughts that we are prone to do you really like me am i intelligent or beautiful enough what does the future hold vanish from the surface remember it all starts with you be undistracted present in the moment and the target will follow suit the intense gaze of the hypnotist creates a similar reaction in the patient once the target's over active mind starts to slow down their senses will come to life and your physical yours will have double their power now a heated glance will give them flush you will have a tendency to employ physical viewers that work primarily on the eyes the sense we most rely on in our culture physical appearances are critical but you are after a general agitation of the senses the senses are interconnected and appeal to smell will trigger touch an appeal to touch will trigger vision casual or accidental contact better a brushing of the skin than something more forceful right now will create a jolt and activate the eyes subtly modulate the voice make it slower and deeper living senses will crowd out rational thought the seducer leads the victim to a point where he or she reveals involuntary signs of physical excitation that can be read in various symptoms once those signs are detected the seducer must work quickly applying pressure on the target to get lost in the moment the past the future all moral scruples vanishing in air once your victims lose themselves in the moment it's all over their mind their conscience no longer holds them back the body gives in to pleasure in leading your victims into the moment remember a few things first a disordered look has more effect on the senses than a neat appearance it suggests the bedroom second be alert to the signs of physical excitation blushing trembling of the voice tears unusually forceful laughter relaxing movements of the body any kind of involuntary mirroring their gestures imitating yours a revealing slip of the tongue these are signs that the victim is slipping into the moment and pressure is to be applied seduction like warfare is often a game of distance and closeness at first you track your enemy from a distance your main weapons are your eyes and a mysterious manner the key is to make the look short and to the point then look away like a rapier glancing the flesh make your eyes reveal desire and keep the rest of the face still a smile will spoil the effect once the victim is heated up you quickly bridge the distance turning to hand-to-hand combat in which you give the enemy no room to withdraw no time to think or to consider the position in which you've placed him or her to take the element of fear out of this use flattery make the target feel more masculine or feminine praise their charms it is their fault that you have become so physical and aggressive there is no greater physical lure and to make the target feel alluring remember the girdle of aphrodite which gave her untold seductive powers included that of sweet flattery shared physical activity is always an excellent viewer for flynn it was swimming or sailing in such physical activity the mind turns off and the body operates according to its own laws the target's body will follow your lead will mirror your movements as far as you want it to go in the moment all moral considerations fade away and the body returns to a state of innocence you can partly create that feeling through a devil may care attitude you don't worry about the world or what people think of you you don't judge your target in any way part of flynn's appeal was his total acceptance of a woman he wasn't interested in a particular body type a woman's race her level of education her political beliefs he was in love with her feminine presence he was luring her into an adventure free of society's strictures and moral judgments with him she could act out a fantasy which for many was the chance to be aggressive or transgressive to experience danger so empty yourself of your tendency to moralize and judge you have lured your targets into a momentary world of pleasure soft and accommodating all rules and taboos thrown out the window 23 master the art of the bold move a moment has arrived your victim clearly desires you but is not ready to admit it openly let alone act on it this is the time to throw aside chivalry kindness and coca-tree and to overwhelm with a bold move don't give the victim time to consider the consequences create conflict stir up tension so that the bold move comes as a great release showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms never hold back or meet the target halfway under the belief that you are being correct and considerate you must be seductive now not political one person must go on the offensive and it's you think of seduction as a world you enter a world that is separate and distinct from the real world the rules are different here what works in daily life can have the opposite effect in seduction the real world features a democratizing leveling impulse in which everything has to seem at least something like equal an overt imbalance of power an overt desire for power will stir envy and resentment we learn to be kind and polite at least on the surface even those who have power generally try to act humble and modest they don't want to offend in seduction on the other hand you can throw all of that out revel in your dark side inflict a little pain in some ways be more yourself your naturalness in this respect will prove seductive in itself the problem is that after years of living in the real world we lose the ability to be ourselves we become timid humble over polite your task is to regain some of your childhood qualities to root out all this false humility and the most important quality to recapture is boldness no one is born timid timidity is a protection we develop if we never stick our necks out if we never try we will never have to suffer the consequences of failure or success if we are kind and unobtrusive no one will be offended in fact we will seem saintly and likable in truth timid people are often self-absorbed obsessed with the way people see them and not at all saintly and humility may have its social uses but it is deadly in seduction you need to be able to play the humble saint at times it is a mask you wear but in seduction take it off boldness is bracing erotic and absolutely necessary to bring the seduction to its conclusion done right it tells your targets that they've made you lose your normal restraint and gives them license to do so as well people are yearning to have a chance to play out the repressed sides of their personality at the final stage of a seduction boldness eliminates any awkwardness or doubts in a dance two people cannot lead one takes over sweeping the other along seduction is not egalitarian it's not a harmonic convergence holding back at the end out of fear of offending or thinking it correct to share the power is a recipe for disaster this is an arena not for politics but for pleasure it can be by the man or woman but a bold move is required if you are so concerned about the other person console yourself with the thought that the pleasure of the one who surrenders is often greater than that of the aggressor as a young man the actor errol flynn was uncontrollably bold this often got him into trouble he became too aggressive around desirable women then while traveling through the far east he became interested in the asian practice of tantric sex in which the male must train himself not to ejaculate preserving his potency and heightening both partners pleasure in the process flynn later applied this principle to his seductions as well teaching himself to restrain his natural boldness and delay the end of the seduction as long as possible so while the boldness can work wonders uncontrollable boldness is not seductive but frightening you need to be able to turn it on and off at will know when to use it as in tantrism you can create more pleasure by delaying the inevitable the bold move should come as a pleasant surprise but not too much of a surprise learn to read the signs that the target is falling for you his or her manner toward you will have changed it will be more pliant with more words and gestures mirroring yours yet there will still be a touch of nervousness and uncertainty inwardly they have given in to you but they don't expect a bold move this is the time to strike if you wait too long to the point where they consciously desire and expect you to make a move it loses the pecan see of coming as a surprise you want a degree of tension and ambivalence so that the move represents a great release their surrender will relieve tension like a long-awaited summer storm don't plan your bold move in advance it can't seem calculated wait for the opportune moment be attentive to favorable circumstances this will give you room to improvise and go with the moment which will heighten the impression you want to create of being suddenly overwhelmed by desire if you ever sense that the victim is expecting the bold move take a step back lull them into a full sense of security then strike keeping your targets emotional will both weaken them and heighten the drama of the moment and the best way to keep them at an emotional pitch is by infecting them with emotions of your own people are very susceptible to the moods of those around them this is particularly acute in the latter stages of seduction when resistance is low and the target has fallen under your spell at the point of the bold move learn to infect your target with whatever emotional mood you require as opposed to suggesting the mood with words you want access to the targets unconscious which is best obtained by infecting them with emotions bypassing their conscious ability to resist it may seem expected for the male to make the bold move but history is full of successfully bold females there are two main forms of feminine boldness in the first more traditional form the coquettish woman stirs male desire is completely in control then at the last minute after bringing her victim to a boil steps back and lets him make the bold move she sets it up then signals with her eyes her gestures that she is ready for him courtesans have used this method throughout history it lets the man maintain his masculine illusions although the woman is really the aggressor the second form of feminine boldness doesn't bother with such illusions the woman simply takes charge initiates the first kiss pounces on her victim many men find it not emasculating at all but very exciting it all depends on the insecurities and proclivities of the victim this kind of feminine boldness has its endure because it is more rare than the first kind but then all boldness is somewhat rare a bold move will always stand out compared to the usual treatment afforded by the tepid husband the timid lover the hesitant suitor that is how you want it if everyone were bold boldness would quickly lose its azure 24 beware the after effects danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction after emotions have reached a pitch they often swing in the opposite direction toward lassitude distrust disappointment beware of the long drawn-out goodbye insecure the victim will cling and claw and both sides will suffer if you are depart make the sacrifice swift and sudden if necessary deliberately break the spell you've created if you are to stay in a relationship beware a flagging of energy a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy if the game is to go on a second seduction is required never let the other person take you for granted use absence create pain and conflict to keep the seduced on tenterhooks disenchantment seduction is a kind of spell and enchantment when you seduce you are not quite your normal self your presence is heightened you're playing more than one role you're strategically concealing your tics and insecurities you've deliberately created mystery and suspense to make the victim experience a real life drama under your spell the seduced gets to feel transported away from the world of work and responsibility you will keep this going for as long as you want or can heightening the tension stirring the emotions until the time finally comes to complete the seduction after that disenchantment almost inevitably sets in the release of tension is followed by a letdown of excitement of energy that can even materialize as a kind of disgust directed at you by your victim even though what is happening is really a natural emotional course it's as if a drug were wearing off allowing the target to see you as you are and being disappointed by the flaws that are inevitably there on your side you too have probably tended to idealize your targets somewhat and once your desire is satisfied you may see them as weak after all they've given in to you you too may feel disappointed even in the best of circumstances you are dealing now with the reality rather than the fantasy and the flames will slowly die down unless you start up a second seduction you may think that if the victim is to be sacrificed none of this matters but sometimes your effort to break off the relationship will inadvertently revive the spell for the other person causing him or her to cling to you tenaciously no in either direction sacrifice or the integration of the two of you into a couple you must take disenchantment into account there is an art to the post seduction as well master the following tactics to avoid undesired after effects fight against inertia the sense that you are trying less hard is often enough to disenchant your victims reflecting back on what you did during the seduction they will see you as manipulative you wanted something then and so you worked at it but now you are taking them for granted after the first seduction is over then show that it isn't really over that you want to keep proving yourself focusing your attention on them luring them this is often enough to keep them enchanted fight the tendency to let things settle into comfort and routine stir the pot even if that means a return to inflicting pain and pulling back never rely on your physical charms even beauty loses its appeal with repeated exposure only strategy and effort will fight off inertia maintain mystery familiarity is the death of seduction if the target knows everything about you the relationship gains a level of comfort but loses the elements of fantasy and anxiety without anxiety and a touch of fear the erotic tension is dissolved remember reality is not seductive keep some dark corners in your character flout expectations use absences to fragment the clinging possessive pull that allows familiarity to creep in maintain some mystery or be taken for granted you will have only yourself to blame for what follows maintain likeness seduction is a game not a matter of life and death there will be a tendency in the post phase to take things more seriously and personally and to whine about behavior that doesn't please you fight this as much as possible for it'll create exactly the effect you don't want you can't control the other person by nagging and complaining it'll make them defensive exacerbating the problem you'll have more control if you maintain the proper spirit your playfulness the little ruses you employ to please and delight them your indulgence of their faults will make your victims compliant and easy to handle never try to change your victims instead induce them to follow your lead avoid the slow burnout often one person becomes disenchanted but lacks the courage to make the break instead he or she withdraws inside as an absence this psychological step back may inadvertently reignite the other person's desire and a frustrating cycle begins a pursuit and retreat everything unravels slowly once you feel disenchanted and know it's over end it quickly without apology that would only insult the other person a quick separation is often easier to get over it's as if you had a problem being faithful as opposed to your feeling that the seduced was no longer being desirable once you are truly disenchanted there's no going back so don't hang on out of false pity it's more compassionate to make a clean break if that seems inappropriate or too ugly then deliberately disenchant the victim with anti-seductive behavior to keep a person enchanted you'll have to reseduce them constantly but you can allow a little familiarity to creep in the target wants to feel that he or she is getting to know you too much mystery will create doubt it'll also be tiring for you who will have to sustain it the point is not to remain completely unfamiliar but rather on occasion to jolt victims out of their complacency surprising them as you surprise them in the past do this right and they will have the delightful feeling that they are constantly getting to know more about you but never too much [Music] this has been a high audio presentation the seductive power of isolation goes beyond the sexual realm when new adherents joined mahatma gandhi's circle of devoted followers they were encouraged to cut off their ties with the past with their family and friends this kind of renunciation has been a requirement of many religious sects over the centuries people who isolate themselves in this way are much more vulnerable to influence and persuasion a charismatic politician feeds off and even encourages people's feelings of alienation john f kennedy did this to great effect when he subtly disparaged the eisenhower years the comfort of the 1950s he implied compromised american ideals he invited americans to join him in a new life on a new frontier full of danger and excitement it was an extremely seductive lure particularly for the young who were kennedy's most enthusiastic supporters finally at some point in the seduction there must be a hint of danger in the mix your target should feel that they are gaining a great adventure in following you but are also losing something a part of their past their cherished comfort actively encourage these ambivalent feelings an element of fear is the proper spice although too much fear is debilitating in small doses it makes us feel alive like diving out of an airplane it is exciting a thrill at the same time that it is a little frightening and the only person there to break the fall or to catch them is you phase three the precipice deepening the effect through extreme measures the goal in this phase is to make everything deeper the effect you have on their mind feelings of love and attachment tension within your victims with your hooks deep into them you can push them back and forth between hope and despair until they weaken and snap showing how far you are willing to go for your victims doing some noble or chivalrous deed will create a powerful jolt spark an intensely positive reaction everyone has scars repressed desires and unfinished business from childhood bring these desires and wounds to the surface make your victims feel that they are getting what they never got as a child and you will penetrate deep into their psyche stir uncontrollable emotions now you could take your victims past their limits getting them to act out their dark sides adding a sense of danger to your seduction you need to deepen the spell and nothing will more confuse and enchant your victims then giving your seduction a spiritual veneer it is not lust that motivates you but destiny divine thoughts and everything elevated the erotic lurks beneath the spiritual now your victims have been properly set up by deliberately hurting them instilling fears and anxieties you will lead them to the edge of the precipice from which it will be easy to push and make them fall they feel great tension and are yearning for relief 16. prove yourself anyone can talk big say lofty things about their feelings insist on how much they care for us and also for all oppressed peoples in the far reaches of the planet but if they never behave in a way that will back up their words we begin to doubt their sincerity perhaps we're dealing with a charlatan or a hypocrite or a coward flattery and fine words can only go so far a time will eventually arrive when you will have to show your victim some evidence to match your words with deeds this kind of evidence has two functions first it allays any lingering doubts about you second an action that reveals some positive quality in you is immensely seductive in and of itself brave or selfless deeds create a powerful and positive emotional reaction don't worry your deeds don't have to be so brave and selfless that you lose everything in the process the appearance alone of nobility will often suffice in fact in a world where people over analyze and talk too much any kind of action has a bracing seductive effect it is normal in the course of a seduction to encounter resistance the more obstacles you overcome of course the greater the pleasure that awaits you but many a seduction fails because the seducer does not correctly read the resistances of the target more often than not you give up too easily first understand a primary law of seduction resistance is a sign that the other person's emotions are engaged in the process the only person you can't seduce is somebody distant and cold resistance is emotional and can be transformed into its opposite much as in jiu-jitsu the physical resistance of an opponent can be used to make him fall if people resist you because they don't trust you and apparently selfless deed showing how far you are willing to go to prove yourself is a powerful remedy if they resist because they are virtuous or because they are loyal to someone else all the better virtue and repressed desire are easily overcome by action as the great seductress natalie barney once wrote most virtue is a demand for greater seduction there are two ways to prove yourself first the spontaneous action a situation arises in which the target needs help a problem needs solving or simply he or she needs a favor you can't foresee these situations but you must be ready for them for they can spring up at any time impress the target by going further than really necessary sacrificing more money more time more effort than they had expected your target will often use these moments or even manufacture them as a kind of test will you retreat or will you rise to the occasion you cannot hesitate or flinch even for a moment or all is lost if necessary make the deeds seem to have cost you more than it has never with words but indirectly exhausted looks reports spread through a third party whatever it takes the second way to prove yourself is the brave deed that you plan and execute in advance on your own and at the right moment preferably some way into the seduction when any doubts the victim still has about you are more dangerous than earlier on choose a dramatic difficult action that reveals the painful time and effort involved danger can be extremely seductive cleverly lead your victim into a crisis a moment of danger or indirectly put them in an uncomfortable position and you can play the rescuer the gallant knight the powerful feelings and emotions this elicits can easily be redirected into love 17 effect a regression people who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat it or relive it the deepest rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the edible triangle and positioning them as the needy child unaware of the cause of their emotional response they will fall in love with you alternatively you too can regress letting them play the role of the protecting nursing parent in either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy son or daughter as adults we tend to overvalue our childhood in their dependency and powerlessness children genuinely suffer yet when we get older we conveniently forget about that and sentimentalize the supposed paradise we have left behind we forget the pain and remember only the pleasure why because the responsibilities of adult life are a burden so oppressive at times that we secretly yearn for the dependency of childhood for that person who looked after our every need assumed our cares and worries this daydream of ours has a strong erotic component for the child's feeling of being dependent on the parent is charged with sexual undertones give people a sensation similar to that protected dependent feeling of childhood and they will project all kinds of fantasies on to you including feelings of love or sexual attraction that they will attribute to something else we won't admit it but we long to regress to shed our adult exterior and vent the childish emotions that linger beneath the surface early in his career sigmund freud confronted a strange problem many of his female patients were falling in love with him he thought he knew what was happening encouraged by freud the patient would delve into her childhood which of course was the source of her illness or neurosis she would talk about a relationship with her father her earliest experiences of tenderness and love and also of neglect and abandonment the process would stir up powerful emotions and memories in a way she would be transported back into her childhood intensifying this effect was the fact that freud himself said little and made himself a little cold and distant although he seemed to be caring in other words quite like the traditional father figure meanwhile the patient was lying on a couch in a helpless or passive position so that the situation duplicated the roles of parent and child eventually she would begin to direct some of the confused emotions she was dealing with toward freud himself unaware of what was happening she would relate to him as to her father she would regress and fall in love freud called this phenomenon transference and it would become an active part of his therapy by getting patients to transfer some of their repressed feelings onto the therapist he would bring their problems into the open where they could be dealt with on a conscious level the transference effect was so potent though that freud was often unable to move his patients past their infatuation in fact transference is a powerful way of creating an emotional attachment the goal of any seduction the method has infinite applications outside psychoanalysis to practice it in real life you need to play the therapist encouraging people to talk about their childhood most of us are only too happy to oblige and our memories are so vivid and emotional that a part of us regresses just in talking about our early years also in the course of talking little secrets slip out we reveal all kinds of valuable information about our weaknesses and our mental makeup information you must attend to and remember don't take your targets words at face value they will often sugarcoat or over dramatize events in childhood but pay attention to their tone of voice to any nervous tics as they talk and particularly to anything they don't want to talk about anything they deny or that makes them emotional many statements actually mean their opposite should they say they hated their father for instance you can be sure that they are hiding a lot of disappointment that they actually loved their father only too much and perhaps never quite got what they wanted from him listen closely for recurring themes and stories most important learn to analyze emotional responses and see what lies behind them while they talk maintain the therapist's pose attentive but quiet making occasional non-judgmental comments be caring yet distant somewhat blank in fact and they will begin to transfer emotions and project fantasies onto you with the information you have gathered about their childhood and the trusting bond you have forged you can now begin to affect the regression perhaps you've uncovered a powerful attachment to a parent a sibling a teacher or any early infatuation a person who casts a shadow over their present lives knowing what it was about this person that affected them so powerfully you can now take over that role or perhaps you've learned of an immense gap in their childhood a neglectful father for instance you act like that parent now but you replace the original neglect with the attention and affection that the real parent never supplied everyone has unfinished business from childhood disappointments lacks painful memories finish what is unfinished discover what your target never got and you have the ingredients for a deep-rooted seduction the key is not just to talk about memories that is weak what you want is to get people to act out in their present old issues from their past without their being aware of what is happening the regressions you can affect fall into four main types the infantile regression the first bond the bond between a mother and her infant is the most powerful one unlike other animals human babies have a long period of helplessness during which they are dependent on their mother creating an attachment that influences the rest of their lives the key to affecting this regression is to reproduce the sense of unconditional love a mother has for her child never judge your targets let them do whatever they want including behaving badly at the same time surround them with loving attention smother them with comfort a part of them will regress to those earliest years when their mother took care of everything and rarely left them alone this works on almost everyone for unconditional love is the rarest and most treasured form you don't even have to tailor your behavior to anything specific in their childhood most of us have experienced this kind of attention meanwhile create atmospheres that reinforce the feeling you are generating warm environments playful activities bright happy colors the edible regression after the bond between mother and child comes the edible triangle of mother father and child this triangle forms during the period of the child's earliest erotic fantasies a boy wants his mother to himself a girl does the same with her father but they never quite have it that way for a parent will always have competing connections to a spouse or to other adults unconditional love has gone now inevitably the parent must sometimes deny what the child desires transport your victims back to this period play a parental role be loving but also sometimes scold and instill some discipline children actually love a little discipline it makes them feel that the adult cares about them and adult children too will be thrilled if you mix your tenderness with a little toughness and punishment unlike infantile regression edible regression must be tailored to your target it depends on the information you have gathered without knowing enough you might treat a person like a child scolding them now and then only to discover that you are stirring up ugly memories they had too much discipline as a child or you might stir up memories of a parent they loathed and they will transfer those feelings to you don't go ahead with the regression until you have learned everything you can about their childhood what they had too much of what they lacked and so on if the target was strongly attached to a parent but that attachment was partially negative the edible regression strategy can still be quite effective we always feel ambivalent toward a parent even as we love them we resent having had to depend on them don't worry about stirring up these ambivalences which don't keep us from being tied to our parents remember to include an erotic component in your parental behavior now your targets are not only getting their mother or father all to themselves they're getting something more something previously forbidden but now allowed the ego ideal regression as children we often form an ideal figure out of our dreams and ambitions first that ideal figure is the person we want to be we imagine ourselves as brave adventurers romantic figures then in our adolescence we turn our attention to others often projecting our ideals onto them the first boy or girl we fall in love with may seem to have the ideal qualities we wanted for ourselves or else may make us feel that we can play that ideal role in relation to them most of us carry these ideals around with us buried just below the surface we are secretly disappointed in how much we have had to compromise how far below the ideal we have fallen as we have gotten older make your targets feel they are living out this youthful ideal and coming closer to being the person they wanted to be and you will affect a different kind of regression creating a feeling reminiscent of adolescence the relationship between you and the seduced is in this instance more equal than in the previous kinds of regressions more like the affection between siblings in fact the ideal is often modeled on a brother or sister to create this effect strive to reproduce the intense innocent mood of a youthful infatuation the reverse parental regression here you are the one to regress you deliberately play the role of the cute adorable yet also sexually charged child older people always find younger people incredibly seductive in the presence of youth they feel a little of their own youth return but they are in fact older and mixed into the invigoration they feel in younger people's company is the pleasure of playing the mother or father to them if a child has erotic feelings toward a parent feelings that are quickly repressed the parent must deal with the same problem in reverse assume the role of the child in relation to your targets however and they get to act out some of those repressed erotic sentiments the strategy may seem to call for a difference in age but this is actually not critical marilyn monroe's exaggerated little girl qualities work just fine on men her age emphasizing a weakness or vulnerability on your part will give the target a chance to play the protector 18. stir up the transgressive and taboo society and culture are based on limits this kind of behavior is acceptable that is not the limits are fluid and change with time but there are always limits the alternative is anarchy the lawlessness of nature which we dread but we are strange animals the moment any kind of limit is imposed physically or psychologically we are instantly curious a part of us wants to go beyond that limit to explore what is forbidden if as children we are told not to go past a certain point in the woods that is precisely where we want to go but we grow older and become polite and deferential more and more boundaries encumber our lives don't confuse politeness with happiness however it covers up frustration unwanted compromise how can we explore the shadow side of our personality without incurring punishment or ostracism it seeps out in our dreams we sometimes wake up with a sense of guilt at the murder incest adultery and mayhem that goes on in our dreams until we realize no one needs to know about it but ourselves but give a person the sense that with you they will have a chance to explore the outer reaches of acceptable polite behavior that with you they convince some of their closeted personality and you create the ingredients for a deep and powerful seduction you will have to go beyond the point of merely teasing them with an elusive fantasy the shock and seductive power will come from the reality of what you are offering them at a certain point you can even press it further than they may want to go if they have followed you merely out of curiosity they may feel some fear and hesitation but once they are hooked they will find you hard to resist for it is hard to return to a limit once you have transgressed and gone past it the human cries out for more and does not know when to stop you will determine for them when it is time to stop the moment people feel that something is prohibited a part of them will want it that is what makes a married man or woman such a delicious target the more someone is prohibited the greater the desire george villiers the earl of buckingham was the favorite first of king james the first then of james's son king charles the first nothing was ever denied him in 1625 on a visit to france he met the beautiful queen anne and fell hopelessly in love what could be more impossible more out of reach than the queen of a rival power he could have had almost any other woman but the prohibited nature of the queen completely inflamed him until he embarrassed himself and his country by trying to kiss her in public since what is forbidden is desired somehow you must make yourself seem forbidden the most blatant way to do this is to engage in behavior that gives you a dark and forbidden aura theoretically you are someone to avoid in fact you are too seductive to resist that was the allure of the actor errol flynn who often found himself the pursuit rather than the pursuer flynn was devilishly handsome but he also had something else a definite criminal streak in his wild youth he engaged in all kinds of shady activities in the 1950s he was charged with rape a permanent stain on his reputation even though he was acquitted but his popularity among women only increased play up your dark side and you will have a similar effect for your targets to be involved with you means going beyond their limits doing something naughty and unacceptable to society to their peers for many that is the reason to bite the bait one of the most seductive men of the 20th century rudolph valentino was known as the sex menace his appeal for women was twofold he could be tender and attentive but he also hinted of cruelty at any moment he could become dangerously bold perhaps even a little violent the studios played up this double image as much as possible when it was reported that he had been abusive to his wife for example they exploited the story a mix of the masculine and the feminine the violent and the tender will always seem transgressive and appealing love is supposed to be tender and delicate but in fact it can release violent and destructive emotions and the possible violence of love the way it breaks down our normal reasonableness is just what attracts us approach romance's violent side by mixing a cruel streak into your tender attentions particularly in the latter stages of the seduction when the target is in your clutches a masochistic involvement can represent a great transgressive release the more elicit your seduction feels the more powerful its effect give your targets the feeling that they are committing a kind of crime a deed whose guilt they share with you create public moments in which the two of you know something that those around you do not it could be phrases and looks that only you recognize a secret johannes the protagonist of soren kierkegaard's the seducer's diary sent a message to his target the young cordelia in the middle of a dinner party where they were both attending she could not reveal to the other guests that it was from him for then she would have to do some explaining he might also say something in public that would have a special meaning for her since it referred to something in one of his letters all of this added spice to the affair by giving it a feeling of a shared secret even a guilty crime it is critical to play on tensions like these in public creating a sense of complicity and collusion against the world in the tristan and isolde legend the famous lovers reach the heights of bliss and exhilaration exactly because of the taboos they break isolde is engaged to king mark she will soon be a married woman tristan is a loyal subject and warrior in the service of king mark who is his father's age the whole affair has a feeling of stealing away the bride from the father epitomizing the concept of love in the western world the legend has had immense influence over the ages and a crucial part of it is the idea that without obstacles without a feeling of transgression love is weak and flavorless people may be straining to remove restrictions on private behavior to make everything freer in the world today but that only makes seduction more difficult and less exciting do what you can to reintroduce a feeling of transgression and crime even if it is only psychological or illusory there must be obstacles to overcome social norms to flout laws to break before the seduction can be consummated it might seem that a permissive society imposes few limits find some there will always be limits sacred cows behavioral standards endless ammunition for stirring up the transgressive and taboo 19 use spiritual yours religion is the most seductive system that mankind has created death is our greatest fear and religion offers us the illusion that we are immortal that something about us will live on the idea that we are an infinitesimal part of a vast and indifferent universe is terrifying religion humanizes this universe makes us feel important and loved we are not animals governed by uncontrollable drives animals that die for no apparent reason but creatures made in the image of a supreme being we too can be sublime rational and good anything that feeds a desire or a wished for illusion is seductive and nothing can match religion in this arena pleasure is the bait that you use to lure a person into your web but no matter how clever a seducer you are in the back of your target's mind they are aware of the end game the physical conclusion toward which you are heading you may think your target is unrepressed and hungry for pleasure but almost all of us are plagued by an underlying unease with our animal nature unless you deal with this unease your seduction will be superficial and temporary instead try to capture your target's soul to build the foundation of a deep and lasting seduction you're the victim deep into your web with spirituality making physical pleasures seem sublime and transcendent spirituality will disguise your manipulations suggesting that your relationship is timeless and creating a space for ecstasy in the victim's mind remember that seduction is a mental process and nothing is more mentally intoxicating than religion spirituality and the occult affect a spiritual heir by displaying a discontent with the banalities of life it's not money or sex or success that moves you your drives are never so base no something much deeper motivates you whatever this is keep it vague letting the target imagine your hidden depths the stars astrology fate are always appealing create the sense that destiny has brought you and your target together that will make your seduction feel more natural in a world where too much is controlled and manufactured the sense that fate necessity or some higher power is guiding your relationship is doubly seductive if you want to weave religious motifs into your seduction it is always best to choose some distant exotic religion with a slightly pagan air it is easy to move from pagan spirituality to pagan earthiness timing counts once you have stirred your target souls move quickly to the physical making sexuality seem merely an extension of the spiritual vibrations you are experiencing in other words employ the spiritual strategy as close to the time for your bold move as possible the spiritual is not exclusively the religious or the occult it's anything that will add a sublime timeless quality to your seduction in the modern world culture and art have in some ways taken the place of religion there are two ways to use art in your seduction first create it yourself in the target's honor even if your love is a passing fancy by capturing it in a work of art you give it a seductive illusion of eternity the second way to use art is to make it ennoble the affair giving your seduction an elevated edge the play movie or book can be contemporary even a little raw as long as it contains a noble message and is tied to some just cause even a political movement can be spiritually uplifting remember to tailor your spiritual yours to the target if the target is earthy and cynical paganism or art will be more productive than the occult or religious piety the russian mystic rasputin was revered for his saintliness and his healing powers women in particular were fascinated with rasputin and would visit him in his st petersburg apartment for spiritual guidance he would talk to them of the simple goodness of the russian peasantry god's forgiveness and other lofty matters but after a few minutes of this he would inject a comment or two that were of a much different nature something about the woman's beauty her lips that were so inviting the desires she could inspire in a man he would talk of different kinds of love love of god love between friends love between a man and a woman but mix them all up as if they were one then as he returned to discussing spiritual matters he would suddenly take the woman's hand or whisper into her ear all this would have an intoxicating effect women would find themselves dragged into a kind of maelstrom both spiritually uplifted and sexually excited hundreds of women succumbed during these spiritual visits for he would also tell them that they could not repent until they had sinned and who better to sin with than rasputin rasputin understood the intimate connection between the sexual and the spiritual spirituality the love of god is a sublimated version of sexual love the language of the religious mystics of the middle ages is full of erotic images the contemplation of god and of the sublime can offer a kind of mental orgasm there is no more seductive brew than the combination of the spiritual and the sexual the high and the low when you talk of spiritual matters then let your looks and physical presence hint of sexuality at the same time make the harmony of the universe and union with god seem to confuse with the physical harmony and the union between two people if you can make the end game of your seduction appear as a spiritual experience you will heighten the physical pleasure and create a seduction with a deep and lasting effect 20 mix pleasure with pain almost everyone is more or less polite we learn early on not to tell people what we really think of them we smile at their jokes act interested in their stories and problems it is the only way to live with them eventually this becomes a habit we are nice even when it isn't really necessary we try to please other people to not step on their toes to avoid disagreements and conflict niceness in seduction however though it may at first draw someone to you it is soothing and comforting soon loses all effect being too nice can literally push the target away from you erotic feeling depends on the creation of tension without tension without anxiety and suspense there can be no feeling of release of true pleasure and joy it is your task to create that tension in the target to stimulate feelings of anxiety and to lead them to and fro so that the culmination of the seduction has real weight and intensity so rid yourself of your nasty habit of avoiding conflict which is in any case unnatural you are most often nice not out of your own inner goodness but out of fear of displeasing out of insecurity go beyond that fear and you suddenly have options the freedom to create pain then magically dissolve it your seductive powers will increase tenfold people will be less upset by your hurtful actions than you might imagine in the world today we often feel starved for experience we crave emotion even if it is negative the pain you cause your targets then is bracing it makes them feel more alive they have something to complain about they get to play the victim as a result once you have turned the pain into pleasure they will readily forgive you stir up their jealousy make them feel insecure and the validation you later give their ego by preferring them over their rivals is doubly delightful remember you have more to fear by boring your targets than by shaking them up wounding people binds them to you more deeply than kindness create tension so you can release it if you need inspiration find the part of the target that most irritates you and use it as a springboard for some therapeutic conflict the more real your cruelty the more effective it is in 1818 the french writer sten doll then living in milan met the countess matilda viscontini for him it was love at first sight she was a proud somewhat difficult woman and she intimidated stendol who was terribly afraid of displeasing her with a stupid comment or undignified act finally unable to take it any longer he one day took her hand and confessed his love horrified the countess told him to leave and never come back standoff flooded viscontini with letters begging her to forgive him at last she relented she would see him again but under one condition he could visit only once every two weeks for no more than an hour and only in the presence of company stendal agreed he had no choice he now lived for those short fortnightly visits which became occasions of intense anxiety and fear since he was never quite sure whether she would change her mind and banish him forever this went on for over two years during which the countess never showed him the slightest sign of favor stendall never found out why she had insisted on this arrangement perhaps she wanted a toy with him or keep him at a distance all he knew was that his love for her only grew stronger became unbearably intense until finally he had to leave milan to get over this sad affair stendahl wrote his famous book on love in which he described the effect of fear on desire first if you fear the loved one you can never get too close or familiar with him or her the beloved then retains an element of mystery which only intensifies your love second there is something bracing about fear it makes you vibrate with sensation heightens your awareness is intensely erotic according to stendol the closer the loved one brings you to the edge of the precipice to the feeling that they could abandon you the dizzier and more lost you will become falling in love means literally falling losing control a mix of fear and excitement apply this wisdom in reverse never let your targets get too comfortable with you they need to feel fear and anxiety show them some coldness a flash of anger they didn't expect be irrational if necessary there is always the trump card a breakup let them feel that they have lost you forever make them fear that they have lost the power to charm you let these feelings sit with them for a while then pull them back from the precipice the reconciliation will be intense in 33 bc mark anthony heard a rumor that cleopatra his lover of several years had decided to seduce his rival octavius and that she was planning to poison anthony cleopatra had poisoned people before in fact she was an expert in the art anthony grew paranoid and finally one day confronted her cleopatra did not protest her innocence yes that was true it was quite within her power to poison anthony at any moment there were no precautions he could take only the love she felt for him could protect him to demonstrate she took some flowers and dropped them into his wine anthony hesitated then raised the cup to his lips cleopatra grabbed his arm and stopped him she had a prisoner brought in to drink the wine and the prisoner promptly dropped dead falling at cleopatra's feet anthony professed that he loved her now more than ever he did not speak out of cowardice there was no man braver than he and if cleopatra could have poisoned him he for his part could have left her and gone back to rome no what pushed him over the edge was the feeling that she had control over his emotions over life and death he was her slave her demonstration of her power over him was not only effective but erotic like anthony many of us have masochistic yearnings without realizing it it takes someone to inflict some pain on us for these deeply repressed desires to come to the surface you must learn to recognize the types of hidden masochists out there for each one enjoys a particular kind of pain for instance there are people who feel that they deserve nothing good in life and who unable to deal with success sabotage themselves constantly be nice to them admit that you admire them and they are uncomfortable since they feel that they cannot possibly match up to the ideal figure you have clearly imagined them to be such self saboteurs do better with a little punishment scold them make them aware of their inadequacies they feel they deserve such criticism and when it comes it is with a sense of relief it is also easy to make them feel guilty a feeling that deep down they enjoy other people experience the responsibilities and duties of modern life as such a heavy burden they long to give it all up these people are often looking for someone or something to worship a cause a religion a guru make them worship you and then there are those who want to play the martyr recognize them by the joy they take in complaining in feeling righteous and wronged then give them a reason to complain remember appearances deceive often the strongest looking people may secretly want to be punished in any event follow up pain with pleasure and you will create a state of dependency that will last for a long time phase four moving in for the kill first you worked on their mind the mental seduction then you confused and stirred them up the emotional seduction now the time has come for hand-to-hand combat the physical seduction at this point your victims are weak and ripe with desire by showing a little coldness or uninterest you will spark panic they will come after you with impatience and erotic energy to bring them to a boil you need to put their minds to sleep and heat up their senses it is best to lure them into lust by sending certain loaded signals that will get under their skin and spread sexual desire like a poison the moment to strike and move in for the kill is when your victim is brimming with desire but not consciously expecting the climax to come once the seduction is over there's the danger that disenchantment will set in and ruin all your hard work if you are after a relationship then you must constantly reseduce the victim creating tension and releasing it if your victim is to be sacrificed then it must be done swiftly and cleanly leaving you free physically and psychologically to move on to the next victim then the game begins all over 21 give them space to fall the pursuer is pursued if your targets become too used to you as the aggressor they will give less of their own energy and the tension will slacken you need to wake them up turn the tables once they are under your spell take a step back and they will start to come after you begin with a touch of aloofness an unexpected non-appearance a hint that you are growing bored stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else make none of this explicit let them only sense it and their imagination will do the rest creating the doubt you desire soon they will want to possess you physically and restraint will go out the window the goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced since humans are naturally obstinate and willful creatures and prone to suspicions of people's motives it is only natural in the course of any seduction that in some ways your target will resist you seductions then are rarely easy or without setbacks but once your victims overcome some of their doubts and begin to fall under your spell they will reach a point where they start to let go they may sense that you are leading them along but they are enjoying it no one likes things to be complicated and difficult and your target will expect the conclusion to come quickly that is the point however where you must train yourself to hold back deliver the pleasurable climax they are so greedily awaiting succumb to the natural tendency to bring the seduction to a rapid end and you will have missed an opportunity to ratchet up the tension to make the affair more heated after all you don't want a passive little victim to toy with you want the seduce to engage their will in all its force to become active participants in the seduction you want them to pursue you hopelessly ensnaring themselves in your web in the process the only way to accomplish this is to take a step back and make them anxious you have strategically retreated before but this is different the target is falling for you now and your retreat will lead to panicky thoughts you are losing interest it is somehow my fault perhaps it's something i've done rather than think you are rejecting them on your own your targets will want to make this interpretation since if the cause of the problem is something they have done they have the power to win you back by changing their behavior if you are simply rejecting them on the other hand they have no control people always want to preserve hope now they will come to you turn aggressive thinking that will do the trick they'll raise the erotic temperature understand a person's willpower is directly linked to their libido their erotic desire when your victims are passively waiting for you their erotic level is low when they turn pursuer getting involved in the process brimming with tension and anxiety the temperature is raised so raise it as high as you can when you withdraw make it subtle you are instilling unease your coldness or distance should dawn on your targets when they are alone in the form of a poisonous doubt creeping into their mind their paranoia will become self-generating your subtle step back will make them want to possess you so they will willingly advance into your arms without being pushed this is different from the strategy in which you are inflicting deep wounds creating a pattern of pain and pleasure there the goal is to make your victims weak and dependent here it is to make them active and aggressive which strategy you prefer to use the two cannot be combined depends on what you want and the proclivities of your victim each gender has its own seductive viewers which come naturally to them when you seem interested in someone but do not respond sexually it's disturbing and presents a challenge they will find a way to seduce you to produce this effect first reveal an interest in your targets through letters or subtle insinuation but when you are in their presence assume a kind of sexless neutrality be friendly even warm but no more you are pushing them into arming themselves with the seductive charms that are natural to their sex exactly what you want in the latter stages of the seduction let your targets feel that you are becoming interested in another person this is another form of taking a step back when napoleon bonaparte first met the young widow josephine de beau arne in 1795 he was excited by her exotic beauty and the looks she gave him he began to attend her weekly soirees and to his delight she would ignore the other men and remain at his side listening to him so attentively he found himself falling in love with josephine and had every reason to believe she felt the same then at one soiree she was friendly and attentive as usual except that she was equally friendly to another man there a former aristocrat like josephine the kind of man that napoleon could never compete with when it came to manners and wit doubts and jealousies began to stir within as a military man he knew the value of going on the offensive and after a few weeks of a swift and aggressive campaign he had her all to himself eventually marrying her of course josephine a clever seductress had set it all up she didn't say she was interested in another man but his mere presence at her house a look here and there subtle gestures made it seem that way there is no more powerful way to hint that you are losing your desire make your interest in another too obvious though and it could backfire this isn't the situation in which you want to seem cruel doubt and anxiety are the effects you are after make your possible interest in another barely perceptible to the naked eye once someone has fallen for you any physical absence will create unease you are literally creating space your absences at this latter point of seduction should seem at least somewhat justified you are insinuating not a blatant brush off but a slight doubt perhaps you could have found some reason to stay perhaps you are losing interest perhaps there is someone else in your absence their appreciation of you will grow they will forget your faults forgive your sins the moment you return they will chase after you as you desire it will be as if you had come back from the dead according to the psychologist theodore reich we learn to love only through rejection as infants we are showered with love by our mother we know nothing else but when we get a little older we begin to sense that her love is not unconditional if we don't behave if we don't please her she can withdraw it the idea that she'll withdraw her affection fills us with anxiety and at first with anger we will show her we will throw a tantrum but that never works and we slowly realize that the only way to keep her from rejecting us again is to imitate her to be as loving kind and affectionate as she is this will bond her to us in the deepest way the pattern is ingrained in us for the rest of our lives by experiencing a rejection or a coldness we learn to court and pursue to love recreate this primal pattern in your seduction first shower your targets with affection they won't be sure where this is coming from but it's a delightful feeling and they'll never want to lose it when it does go away in your strategic step back they'll have moments of anxiety and anger perhaps throwing a tantrum and then the same child-like reaction the only way to win you back to have you for sure will be to reverse the pattern to imitate you to be the affectionate giving one it is the terror of rejection that turns the tables this pattern will often repeat itself naturally in an affair or relationship one person goes cold the other pursues then goes cold in turn making the first person the pursuer and on and on as a seducer do not leave this to chance make it happen you are teaching the other person to become a seducer just as the mother in her own way taught the child to return her love by turning her back for your own sake learn to relish this reversal of roles don't merely play it being the pursuit but enjoy it give into it the pleasure of being pursued by your victim can often surpass the thrill of the hunt 22 use physical lures now more than ever our minds are in a state of constant distraction barraged with endless information pulled in every direction many of us recognize the problem articles are written studies are completed but they simply become more information to digest it is almost impossible to turn off an overactive mind the attempt simply triggers more thoughts an inescapable hall of mirrors perhaps we turn to alcohol to drugs to physical activity anything to help us slow the mind be more present in the moment our discontent presents the crafty seducer with infinite opportunity the waters around you are teeming with people seeking some kind of release from mental overstimulation the lure of the unencumbered physical pleasure will make them take your bait but as you prowl the waters understand the only way to relax a distracted mind is to make it focus on one thing a hypnotist asks the patient to focus on a watch swinging back and forth once the patient focuses the mind relaxes the senses awaken the body becomes prone to all kinds of novel sensations and suggestions as a seducer you are a hypnotist and what you are making the target focus on is you throughout the seductive process you have been filling the target's mind letters mementos shared experiences keep you constantly present even when you're not there now as you shift to the physical part of the seduction you must see your targets more often your attention must become more intense errol flynn was a master at this game when he homed in on a victim he dropped everything else the woman was made to feel that everything came second to her his career his friends everything then he would take her on a little trip preferably with water around slowly the rest of the world would fade into the background and flynn would take center stage the more your targets think of you the less they are distracted by thoughts of work and duty when the mind focuses on one thing it relaxes and when the mind relaxes all the little paranoid thoughts that we are prone to do you really like me am i intelligent or beautiful enough what does the future hold vanish from the surface remember it all starts with you be undistracted present in the moment and the target will follow suit the intense gaze of the hypnotist creates a similar reaction in the patient once the target's overactive mind starts to slow down their senses will come to life and your physical yours will have double their power now a heated glance will give them flush you will have a tendency to employ physical viewers that work primarily on the eyes the sense we most rely on in our culture physical appearances are critical but you are after a general agitation of the senses the senses are interconnected and appeal to smell will trigger touch an appeal to touch will trigger vision casual or accidental contact better a brushing of the skin than something more forceful right now will create a jolt and activate the eyes subtly modulate the voice make it slower and deeper living senses will crowd out rational thought the seducer leads the victim to a point where he or she reveals involuntary signs of physical excitation that can be read in various symptoms once those signs are detected the seducer must work quickly applying pressure on the target to get lost in the moment the past the future all moral scruples vanishing in air once your victims lose themselves in the moment it's all over their mind their conscience no longer holds them back the body gives in to pleasure in leading your victims into the moment remember a few things first a disordered look has more effect on the senses than a neat appearance it suggests the bedroom second be alert to the signs of physical excitation blushing trembling of the voice tears unusually forceful laughter relaxing movements of the body any kind of involuntary mirroring their gestures imitating yours a revealing slip of the tongue these are signs that the victim is slipping into the moment and pressure is to be applied seduction like warfare is often a game of distance and closeness at first you track your enemy from a distance your main weapons are your eyes and a mysterious manner the key is to make the look short and to the point then look away like a rapier glancing the flesh make your eyes reveal desire and keep the rest of the face still a smile will spoil the effect once the victim is heated up you quickly bridge the distance turning to hand-to-hand combat in which you give the enemy no room to withdraw no time to think or to consider the position in which you've placed him or her to take the element of fear out of this use flattery make the target feel more masculine or feminine praise their charms it is their fault that you have become so physical and aggressive there is no greater physical lure and to make the target feel alluring remember the girdle of aphrodite which gave her untold seductive powers included that of sweet flattery shared physical activity is always an excellent viewer for flynn it was swimming or sailing in such physical activity the mind turns off and the body operates according to its own laws the target's body will follow your lead will mirror your movements as far as you want it to go in the moment all moral considerations fade away and the body returns to a state of innocence you can partly create that feeling through a devil may care attitude you don't worry about the world or what people think of you you don't judge your target in any way part of flynn's appeal was his total acceptance of a woman he wasn't interested in a particular body type a woman's race her level of education her political beliefs he was in love with her feminine presence he was luring her into an adventure free of society's strictures and moral judgments with him she could act out a fantasy which for many was the chance to be aggressive or transgressive to experience danger so empty yourself of your tendency to moralize and judge you have lured your targets into a momentary world of pleasure soft and accommodating all rules and taboos thrown out the window 23 master the art of the bold move a moment has arrived your victim clearly desires you but is not ready to admit it openly let alone act on it this is the time to throw aside chivalry kindness and coca tree and to overwhelm with a bold move don't give the victim time to consider the consequences create conflict stir up tension so that the bold move comes as a great release showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms never hold back or meet the target halfway under the belief that you are being correct and considerate you must be seductive now not political one person must go on the offensive and it's you think of seduction as a world you enter a world that is separate and distinct from the real world the rules are different here what works in daily life can have the opposite effect in seduction the real world features a democratizing leveling impulse in which everything has to seem at least something like equal an overt imbalance of power an overt desire for power will stir envy and resentment we learn to be kind and polite at least on the surface even those who have power generally try to act humble and modest they don't want to offend in seduction on the other hand you can throw all of that out revel in your dark side inflict a little pain in some ways be more yourself your naturalness in this respect will prove seductive in itself the problem is that after years of living in the real world we lose the ability to be ourselves we become timid humble over polite your task is to regain some of your childhood qualities to root out all this false humility and the most important quality to recapture is boldness no one is born timid timidity is a protection we develop if we never stick our necks out if we never try we will never have to suffer the consequences of failure or success if we are kind and unobtrusive no one will be offended in fact we will seem saintly and likable in truth timid people are often self-absorbed obsessed with the way people see them and not at all saintly and humility may have its social uses but it is deadly in seduction you need to be able to play the humble saint at times it is a mask you wear but in seduction take it off boldness is bracing erotic and absolutely necessary to bring the seduction to its conclusion done right it tells your targets that they've made you lose your normal restraint and gives them license to do so as well people are yearning to have a chance to play out the repressed sides of their personality at the final stage of a seduction boldness eliminates any awkwardness or doubts in a dance two people cannot lead one takes over sweeping the other along seduction is not egalitarian it's not a harmonic convergence holding back at the end out of fear of offending or thinking it correct to share the power is a recipe for disaster this is an arena not for politics but for pleasure it can be by the man or woman but a bold move is required if you are so concerned about the other person console yourself with the thought that the pleasure of the one who surrenders is often greater than that of the aggressor as a young man the actor errol flynn was uncontrollably bold this often got him into trouble he became too aggressive around desirable women then while traveling through the far east he became interested in the asian practice of tantric sex in which the male must train himself not to ejaculate preserving his potency and heightening both partners pleasure in the process flynn later applied this principle to his seductions as well teaching himself to restrain his natural boldness and delay the end of the seduction as long as possible so while the boldness can work wonders uncontrollable boldness is not seductive but frightening you need to be able to turn it on and off at will know when to use it as in tantrism you can create more pleasure by delaying the inevitable the bold move should come as a pleasant surprise but not too much of a surprise learn to read the signs that the target is falling for you his or her manner toward you will have changed it will be more pliant with more words and gestures mirroring yours yet there will still be a touch of nervousness and uncertainty inwardly they have given in to you but they don't expect a bold move this is the time to strike if you wait too long to the point where they consciously desire and expect you to make a move it loses the pecan see of coming as a surprise you want a degree of tension and ambivalence so that the move represents a great release their surrender will relieve tension like a long-awaited summer storm don't plan your bold move in advance it can't seem calculated wait for the opportune moment be attentive to favorable circumstances this will give you room to improvise and go with the moment which will heighten the impression you want to create of being suddenly overwhelmed by desire if you ever sense that the victim is expecting the bold move take a step back lull them into a full sense of security then strike keeping your targets emotional will both weaken them and heighten the drama of the moment and the best way to keep them at an emotional pitch is by infecting them with emotions of your own people are very susceptible to the moods of those around them this is particularly acute in the latter stages of seduction when resistance is low and the target has fallen under your spell at the point of the bold move learn to infect your target with whatever emotional mood you require as opposed to suggesting the mood with words you want access to the targets unconscious which is best obtained by infecting them with emotions bypassing their conscious ability to resist it may seem expected for the male to make the bold move but history is full of successfully bold females there are two main forms of feminine boldness in the first more traditional form the coquettish woman stirs male desire is completely in control then at the last minute after bringing her victim to a boil steps back and lets him make the bold move she sets it up then signals with her eyes her gestures that she is ready for him courtesans have used this method throughout history it lets the man maintain his masculine illusions although the woman is really the aggressor the second form of feminine boldness doesn't bother with such illusions the woman simply takes charge initiates the first kiss pounces on her victim many men find it not emasculating at all but very exciting it all depends on the insecurities and proclivities of the victim this kind of feminine boldness has its endure because it is more rare than the first kind but then all boldness is somewhat rare a bold move will always stand out compared to the usual treatment afforded by the tepid husband the timid lover the hesitant suitor that is how you want it if everyone were bold boldness would quickly lose its allure 24. beware the after effects danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction after emotions have reached a pitch they often swing in the opposite direction toward lassitude distrust disappointment beware of the long drawn out goodbye insecure the victim will cling and claw and both sides will suffer if you were to part make the sacrifice swift and sudden if necessary deliberately break the spell you've created if you are to stay in a relationship beware a flagging of energy a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy if the game is to go on a second seduction is required never let the other person take you for granted use absence create pain and conflict to keep the seduced on tenterhooks disenchantment seduction is a kind of spell and enchantment when you seduce you are not quite your normal self your presence is heightened you're playing more than one role you're strategically concealing your tics and insecurities you've deliberately created mystery and suspense to make the victim experience a real-life drama under your spell the seduced gets to feel transported away from the world of work and responsibility you will keep this going for as long as you want or can heightening the tension stirring the emotions until the time finally comes to complete the seduction after that disenchantment almost inevitably sets in the release of tension is followed by a letdown of excitement of energy that can even materialize as a kind of disgust directed at you by your victim even though what is happening is really a natural emotional course it's as if a drug were wearing off allowing the target to see you as you are and being disappointed by the flaws that are inevitably there on your side you too have probably tended to idealize your target somewhat and once your desire is satisfied you may see them as weak after all they've given in to you you too may feel disappointed even in the best of circumstances you are dealing now with the reality rather than the fantasy and the flames will slowly die down unless you start up a second seduction you may think that if the victim is to be sacrificed none of this matters but sometimes your effort to break off the relationship will inadvertently revive the spell for the other person causing him or her to cling to you tenaciously no in either direction sacrifice or the integration of the two of you into a couple you must take disenchantment into account there is an art to the post seduction as well master the following tactics to avoid undesired after effects fight against inertia the sense that you are trying less hard is often enough to disenchant your victims reflecting back on what you did during the seduction they will see you as manipulative you wanted something then and so you worked at it but now you are taking them for granted after the first seduction is over then show that it isn't really over that you want to keep proving yourself focusing your attention on them luring them this is often enough to keep them enchanted fight the tendency to let things settle into comfort and routine stir the pot even if that means a return to inflicting pain and pulling back never rely on your physical charms even beauty loses its appeal with repeated exposure only strategy and effort will fight off inertia maintain mystery familiarity is the death of seduction if the target knows everything about you the relationship gains a level of comfort but loses the elements of fantasy and anxiety without anxiety and a touch of fear the erotic tension is dissolved remember reality is not seductive keep some dark corners in your character flout expectations use absences to fragment the clinging possessive pull that allows familiarity to creep in maintain some mystery or be taken for granted you will have only yourself to blame for what follows maintain likeness seduction is a game not a matter of life and death there will be a tendency in the post phase to take things more seriously and personally and to whine about behavior that doesn't please you fight this as much as possible for it'll create exactly the effect you don't want you can't control the other person by nagging and complaining it'll make them defensive exacerbating the problem you'll have more control if you maintain the proper spirit your playfulness the little ruses you employ to please and delight them your indulgence of their faults will make your victims compliant and easy to handle never try to change your victims instead induce them to follow your lead avoid the slow burnout often one person becomes disenchanted but lacks the courage to make the break instead he or she withdraws inside as an absence this psychological step back may inadvertently reignite the other person's desire and a frustrating cycle begins a pursuit and retreat everything unravels slowly once you feel disenchanted and know it's over end it quickly without apology that would only insult the other person a quick separation is often easier to get over it's as if you had a problem being faithful as opposed to your feeling that the seduced was no longer being desirable once you are truly disenchanted there's no going back so don't hang on out of false pity it's more compassionate to make a clean break if that seems inappropriate or too ugly then deliberately disenchant the victim with anti-seductive behavior to keep a person enchanted you'll have to reseduce them constantly but you can allow a little familiarity to creep in the target wants to feel that he or she is getting to know you too much mystery will create doubt it'll also be tiring for you who will have to sustain it the point is not to remain completely unfamiliar but rather on occasion to jolt victims out of their complacency surprising them as you surprise them in the past do this right and they will have the delightful feeling that they are constantly getting to know more about you but never too much [Music] this has been a hybrid audio presentation