In this video I will explore radical acceptance, what it is, when to use it and how to practice it. Radical acceptance is a distress tolerance skill and comes from the School of Psychotherapy called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy or DBT. Radical acceptance means accepting this moment or situation exactly how it is.
For example Ben has osteoarthritis and has to rely on a walking stick. He can't walk very far and needs regular breaks. Rather than getting angry about his condition he radically accepts this is my life, I am in pain, I can't walk very far but my life is worth living.
Ben accepts his situation but this doesn't mean he has given up or approves of his situation. If Ben didn't accept his health issue he might not take such good care of himself, maybe not taking breaks or not taking his medication which could lead to more suffering down the line. Let's look at what can happen if you don't accept your reality.
Joanne has been in an abusive relationship for 20 years. She believes her husband will stop abusing her one day. Because Joanne cannot accept that her husband is unlikely to stop abusing her.
she stays in the relationship and continues to be abused. Nothing changes. So Joanne is rejecting her reality.
She's denying the facts in front of her. She's denying her past and she's denying probabilities for her future. Joanne's refusal to accept her reality only leads to more suffering.
For change to happen, Joanne must first accept the reality of her situation. because non-acceptance is keeping her stuck. I want to stress that radical acceptance does not mean you approve of your situation. It certainly doesn't mean you have to approve of being ill or approve of being in an abusive relationship.
Also radical acceptance is not passivity or giving up. I think a lot of people are afraid of the word acceptance due to a fear that it makes them passive. It's not passive resignation. Remember, fighting against reality can hinder effective problem solving.
To change your reality, you must first accept it. And remember, while you cannot change the past, you can change your future. But you must first accept your situation.
There are three types of situation where radical acceptance is useful. One, you experience trauma or pain. For example, you may have a traumatic past.
Accepting that the facts of a traumatic past can be very painful and complete acceptance may take some time, months or even years. But you cannot change what has already happened and fighting with the past doesn't achieve anything. But you can choose to accept your past so that you can make changes to your future.
Two, you are in distress but not a crisis. For example, you're in a traffic jam and you're going to be late for a job interview. Getting angry will not change your situation.
It would be more helpful to accept you're going to be late, call the office, explain what has happened and see if you can rearrange the interview. Accepting the present moment situation enables you to problem solve. Three, problem solving isn't working. For example, you've caught Covid and your daughter's wedding is in two days. You've been planning the wedding for two years.
This is a good time to accept the reality that you're sick. and you should stay at home to recover. There is nothing you can do to change this situation other than accept it.
The outcome is not what you want but there is nothing you can do to make this any different. It's not always easy to practice radical acceptance. It's something is painful and natural responses to push it away or try to block it.
The more painful the situation the longer it can take for you to fully accept it. So the process of acceptance starts with what we call turning the mind. This means choosing to accept.
So you're turning your mind in the direction of acceptance. Sometimes a process of acceptance is a choice you make every day, sometimes several times a day. For example, accepting that a parent has died is not something many people just accept.
And this can take time, months and even years. And you may observe there are times when you accept. and times when you don't accept.
When you don't accept you may notice thoughts such as, why me? Or feelings of anger or bitterness. If you can unclench the muscles and open your hands, it automatically sends a very different message to your brain.
Now, this is called willing hands, a willing hands posture. So let's put my hands on my lap. And it's a way of accepting with your body.
You may also practice a half smile with a willing hands posture. And remember, radical acceptance is usually a process. So keep practicing. and turning your mind towards acceptance.
So what are your thoughts about radical acceptance? Please comment below and if you'd like me to make more videos like this please give it a thumbs up. You may also be interested in the video on the screen now, just click the screen to view the video. If you found this video useful please subscribe and I look forward to seeing you soon.