so guys what do you want to do today Dude guess what I found when I went dumpster diving today What Three tickets to SeaWorld No way Just way We totally got to go Oh yeah dude Definitely No guys we shouldn't go to SeaWorld We shouldn't give them any business Why not They have roller coasters and whales You know what else they have Animal abuse Here you go with that humanitarian [ __ ] What do you mean they have animal abuse I mean they abuse their whales Of course he would care about whales being abused His mom's a whale Fat ass Junior we don't have time for mom whale jokes We always have time for mom whale jokes Here's one Who weighs more A whale or your mom I can take a guess What You're going to say it's my mom What No they weigh the same cuz she's a whale A whale and your mom They're the same [ __ ] things It's not that hard dude My point is SeaWorld's mean to their whales They're not mean to their whales They give them water to swim in and food What else would they want Have you guys not seen the documentary It's called Blackfish Watch it dude Your racism goes all the way to fish It's not racist They're called blackfish cuz they're black fish the killer whales What do you call people that are black What Black people All he sees is black and white Fish segregation is that's [ __ ] up that you're even black and white when it comes to looking at fish I I promise if you guys watch the documentary you're not going to want to go to SeaWorld Okay So they have a documentary called Blackfish Do they have a documentary called Black People That's about black people dude It's called Roots Okay Show us a stupid documentary Cody And if they're not abusing their animals we're going Okay Hi I'm Chad Washwell I'm a former trainer at SeaWorld in Orlando I took the job right out of college You know I I really felt like I had a connection with the whales Uh I I would try to communicate with them telepathically like I was Aquaman Um seems kind of silly looking back now Jennifer was a good trainer you know a a little impatient I will say that she she um she would hit the whales sometimes just slap them around you know uh a lot Um there was one instance where a whale didn't do a trick she wanted and uh she grabbed it by the tail uh like in a cartoon just sort of flung it around you know slapping it against the ground like she was like she was Popeye and um it was it was pretty hard to watch Uh there was another time where she actually had a gun and uh she she pistol whipped the whale um pretty hard It was real gangster [ __ ] like like like like it owed her money and she fired a few warning shots into the water to scare it Whales don't like gunfire They are very fond of bugles though So whenever a whale would do a trick we would we would give it a bugle to encourage it Um day Jennifer died uh she wanted the whale to do a backflip which it which it did So she gave it a bugle and then she wanted it to get on a motorcycle and do donuts Um and it just swam in circles like a [ __ ] idiot So she hit it Uh of course uh I don't know who wouldn't And then um you know it wanted it wanted the bugles anyway and she wouldn't give it to him So so then she started hitting it you know just really pounding it just really giving it the business naturally you know and um I guess the whale didn't like that So uh it it grabbed her by the ponytail and that's when it pulled her underwater And uh from there it it scalped her pulled her hair clean off and just kind of held on to her body and I mean it it it had her body for weeks I mean I we we were too scared to go in there after it and what's the point you know She's already dead So the whale would do tricks with her body just throw her up in the air catch her It's pretty cool Honestly uh we actually sold out that week It's the best business we'd ever done uh visitors wanted more trainers to die so that their bodies could be used as toys for the whale which is obviously we we couldn't afford that That's not sustainable But um you know I learned a lot from Jennifer Um mostly not to not to hit the whales and uh not to have a ponytail I'm sorry I I can't That's so sad Cody Dude humans are horrible people I told you guys SeaWorld was bad Why can't they just release the whales in the water They own them Junior They keep them until they die Oh kind of like slavery I mean I'm not sad for the whales It just remind me of slavery Black people black fish Where will it end dude I'm going home He's right Cody We need to go save the whales from SeaWorld We can't save them Junior I'm going to be the Harriet Tubman of whales You can call me Harriet Whaleman Harriet Tubman didn't save Tubs Okay my name will be Whail Tubman What Whale you Junior how are we going to save whales Okay I have an idea Just Just wait here I have an idea Here's my plan That's a trash bag Junior Yeah we're going to put the killer whale in the trash bag Your plan is to put a killer whale in a [ __ ] trash bag Yeah you let me finish Look we're going to go to SeaWorld with these tickets and then I'm going to track one of the workers and then you're going to put the killer whale in the trash bag Me Yeah you Well Junior killer whales weigh like 12,000 lbs Okay Well the girl in the documentary was throwing one around like it was nothing Well that's true She did do that But how are we going to distract the worker Hey guys look what I can do I just pissed my pants Oh okay Well what if Jeffy goes with us Jeffy would you want to go to SeaWorld Yep Would you want to try to steal a whale Yep Okay so look you're going to distract one of the workers by talking to him and then me and Cody can focus on putting the killer whale in the trash bag Okay I don't know about this Junior We could go to jail Did Harriet Tubman go to jail I don't think so Yeah because she built an entire underground railroad with her bare hands and never got caught Junior it wasn't a literal railroad underground Uh yeah it was That's why it was called an underground railroad Cody No it was just like a secret like path for a secret underground railroad dumbass No no it wasn't She She had a hammer and she made a railroad with a train There was no train It was It was just like a secret path for a train to go on for slaves A train for a slave There was no train there Underground Why would they [ __ ] when they call it a railroad if it doesn't have a train It's a metaphor Oh okay So this is an underground river Yep I I guess Speak Good Um we're here for the orcer experience Oh I didn't know we offered that Yeah it's new We just paid for it Don't ask your manager Oh cool What's the trash bag for Oh uh the the gift shop was out of regular bag so they gave us a trash bag Oh I guess that makes sense Well you kids can feed them a bugle but I wouldn't get too close They kill people Not cuz they're mean just because they don't want to be here and we make them be here I got a question Sure little man How do you clean all the whale [ __ ] I got like a big net Is it heavy Oh it's really heavy There's like a whole bunch of [ __ ] We're done with the orca We want to go home Jeffy let's go I'm feeling sick Let's get in the car Okay Okay that was fast Wait where'd the whale go Hey whale You You want a vehicle Whale Hey where you at buddy I really don't want to stick my head in there and look for you I don't want to get scalped You know what Maybe I should just call the cops Hey there Somebody call the cops to SeaWorld What Did another trainer get eaten I told you just cuz the whales are black that doesn't mean we can arrest them No One of the whales is missing Missing How do you lose a whale Are you sure it's not just like under the water somewhere I'm not going in there I They eat people No I think these three kids with a trash bag stole them Trash bag Well they are pretty hefty What do these kids look like One of them had a blue helmet Yep I know who that is I'll be back Okay Junior We rescued the [ __ ] whale Now what Uh I I don't know Well Junior we can't just leave it in a trash bag It's going to die It has to live in water Uh Jeffy go fill the bathtub Okay What The bathtub Junior It needs to be salt water And the tank was way bigger at SeaWorld Listen it's only going to be in the bathtub temporarily until we can take him to the ocean The ocean Yeah Just Come on Just help me pick him up We can take him to the bathtub Jesus Oh god Get out of the [ __ ] bath Look Cody He's happy He's not happy Junior He's a whale in a bathtub His take at SeaWorld is way bigger than that Oh I know what he wants Hey boys Some bugles Junior I'm pretty sure they don't really eat bugles He wants some bugles Okay open the bag There's someone at the door Oh hold on Hello Hey there You didn't happen to steal a killer whale from SeaWorld did you Uh no What a crazy thing to ask I I didn't steal a killer whale from SeaWorld Oh so you didn't do that Nope Oh well I'll just be on my way then Oh that was so close That's a pretty big bag of bugles you got there Uh I love bugles I like to put them on my fingers and act like I'm a T-Rex Yeah well they are America's number one finger hat Yeah they are And they also happen to be a killer whale's favorite snack I love it when they break Get back in here bastard Cody close the shower Who's in the bathtub Huh My grandma What My grandma frequently bathes in other people's bathtubs because she has dementia and doesn't know where she is sometimes She also had the biggest hits I'd ever seen That That's not my grandma That's a killer whale No no no I stole one killer Well that's that's someone in a in a costume That's a remote control Hey did the bathroom fill up for your whale that we stole All right that's it All three of you kids are under arrest Oh damn it We were just trying to save him Order order order I am the honorable Judge Boo and today we will be hearing the case of Jeffy Jr and Cody who are being accused of whailing a killer whale from SeaWorld Kids why would you do this I got this guys Well your honor my friend Cody's mom is a whale and she's not stuck in a tank She can roam around free So we didn't think it was fair for that baby whale to be stuck in a tank We wanted to save it Shut up Junior Your honor we saved the baby orca from SeaWorld because we watched the Blackfish documentary and we felt bad for the orcas We wanted to save it from a life of captivity Blue whales have huge peckers They do Well how big are they Oh damn Oh Jesus Let's not get distracted Kids I I know you feel bad for the orcas but that doesn't mean you could just break into SeaWorld and steal one I I sentence you kids to return the orca and take a learn not to steal glass No please The orca is not happy there I'll let you kids say goodbye before it's taken away Come on guys Let's go say goodbye If I could be any animal it would be a blue whale [ __ ] [ __ ] huge All right guys Let's say goodbye to the killer whale Well Mr Killer Whale we were just trying to give you a better home We didn't want you to be stuck in a tank your entire life and we were going to release you into the ocean But sadly we failed We failed at giving you a better life It's [ __ ] dead Jimmy It's It's [ __ ] dead [Music]