All right, listen up, y'all. I'm y'all's substitute teacher, Mr. Garvey. I taught school for 20 years in the inner city, so don't even think about messing with me.
Y'all feel me? Okay, let's take a roll here. J.
Quellen. Where's J. Quellen at? No J. Quellen here? Yeah.
Uh, do you mean Jacqueline? Okay, so that's how it's gonna be. Y'all wanna play.
Okay then. I've got my eye on you, Jay Weller. Balaque.
Where is Balaque at? There's no Balaque here today. Yes, sir.
My name's Blake. Are you out of your goddamn mind? Blake... What?
Do you want to go to war, B'Lucky? No. Because we could go to war.
No. I'm for real. I'm for real.
So you better check yourself. D-Nice. Is there a D-Nice?
If one of y'all says some silly-ass name, this whole class is gonna feel my wrath. Now, D-Nice. Do you mean Denise?
Ron of a bitch! You say your name right, right now. Denise. Say it right.
Denise. Correctly. Denise. Right.
Denise. Right. Denise. That's better.
Thank you. Now, A-A-Ron, where are you? Where is A-A-Ron right now?
No A.A. Ron, huh? Well, you better be sick, dead, or mute, A.A. Ron. Aaron. Oh, man.
Why didn't you answer me the first time I said it, huh? Huh? I'm just, you know, I'm just asking. You know, I said it like four times. So why didn't you say it the first time I said A.A.
Ron? Because it's pronounced Aaron? Ron of a bitch!
You done messed up, A.A. Ron! Now take your ass on down to Oshag Hennessey's office right now and tell him exactly what you did!
Who? Oshag Hennessey! Principal O'Shaughnessy? Get out of my goddamn classroom before I break my foot off in your ass! Insubordinate!
And churlish! Timothi. Present.
Thank you. I'm going to take a little roll here. J. Quellen.
Here. You are present. Blake.
I hear. Uh-huh. D. Nice. Here.
Good. Jessica. Thank you. Mr. Garvey.
What is it, Aaron? Some of us need to leave a few minutes early today. Oh. Oh, is that so? And what, pray tell, is the reason for this premature exodus?
Yearbook photos. Um, we have to leave 15 minutes early to meet up with our clubs. All right, you know what?
That might work with other substitute teachers, but I taught in the inner city for over 20 years. Now, y'all want to leave my class early so y'all can go meet up at the club. Ain't none of y'all old enough to go to the damn club! Ridiculous.
Mr. Garvey. God, son of a bitch! Did I stutter?
Just then, yes. I'm gonna throw you out the goddamn window. What, Jay Quinlan? Mr. Garvey, we're telling the truth. We have clubs at this school.
We have clubs for special interests. Okay, I see. So y'all want to play. Y'all want to play. Yeah, okay, we're going to play little games.
Fine, I'll play. I'm more than happy to play some games with y'all. Anyone who's in a club, stand your ass up.
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, there it is. There it is. The usual suspects.
What the hell club are you in, Jay? Jay Quellen. Future leaders of America.
Okay, okay. How would you know if you're gonna be a leader in the future? Is there a Stargate in your bedroom? Can you travel through time, Jay Quellen?
No. Then sit the flip down. Balaque, here's the thing, I don't even know why I'm about to ask you this.
Balaque, what club are you in? I'm part of the Spanish club. You about as Spanish as As Rian Seacrest, with your big-ass fraggle rock hair. How about you, D-Nice? I'm in the chess club.
Uh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. You are not in the chess club. The mosquito bite club, maybe. Oh, it's hurtful.
Truthful. There he is. Hey, hey, Ron. Hey. What club are you in?
I'm the president of the Glee Club. Why do I talk? The Glee Club?
Stop! Like they gonna have a club dedicated to a TV show. Take your ass to O'Shaughnessy's office right now before I bust a club up in your butt.
OK. Go! OK, go.
Mischievous and deceitful. Chicanerous and deplorable. This is Principal O'Shaughnessy. Students, please report to the gymnasium for your club photos. Fake announcement.
Now, does anybody in here have a valid reason for leaving this classroom? Timothi. I gotta go pick up my daughter?
You're excused.