How to Rebuild Trust After Addiction Betrayal

Introduction

• Topic: Rebuilding trust after addiction betrayal
• Addressing both persons in early recovery and their families
• Aim: To improve and speed up the healing process

Understanding Betrayal in Addiction

• Addiction causes emotional damage similar to infidelity
• Infidelity and addiction both involve secret-keeping, lies, and manipulation
• Damage is caused mainly by these behaviors, not just substance use
• Betrayal can be financial, emotional, and psychological

Trust Issues Are Bidirectional

• Both the addicted person and the family lose trust in each other
• Both sides need to show humility and willingness to heal

Advice to the Person in Early Recovery

Ownership of Recovery

• Recovery impacts everyone around the addicted person
• Be careful with phrases like "it's my recovery, stay out of it"
• Transparency and communication are essential

Patience with Trust Building

• Trust won't return immediately; it will take time
• Trust is valuable and loss can't be reversed quickly
• Be patient and have humility during the process

Understanding Family Triggers

• Just as recovering individuals have triggers, so do their families
• Old behaviors cause family anxiety, even during benign situations

Vigilant Transparency

• Over-communicate your actions, especially deviations from known plans
• Small actions like stopping at Taco Bell instead of going straight home need to be communicated to avoid suspicion

Effective Apologies

• Avoid generic apologies like "I'm sorry"
• Be specific about your wrongdoings and acknowledge their impact
• Validate family members' feelings and experiences
• Consider writing a letter for more thoughtful communication

Advice to the Family

Encouraging Truth-Telling

• Create a safe and non-judgmental environment
• Avoid lecturing, freaking out, or constant reminders of past mistakes
• Aim for calm, constructive conversations

Avoiding Spying and Snooping

• Resist the urge to spy, search, or track the addicted person's movements
• Such behaviors increase anxiety and distrust

Trusting the Nature of Addiction

• Addiction will show itself; you don't need to chase it
• Trust your instincts; you know your loved one best

Have a Relapse Game Plan

• Plan your response to a relapse in advance
• Stay off the emotional roller coaster; your loved one will recover faster

Build a Safety Net of Independence

• Consider separating finances and creating a personal safety plan
• Knowing you have a plan B can make you feel more secure