[Music] can I please ask you a question would you please raise your hand if you feel yourself or consider yourself as a diplomat in your ordinary in your everyday life would you please raise your hand oh great so many diplomats wonderful one more question would you please raise your hand if you know someone some individuals who could be recognized as Diplomat in Z life anybody wonderful even more that's great so let's discuss everyday diplomacy I spent myself part of my life in international diplomacy some years ago I served as ambassador of my country to several other countries and a number of international organizations so I have a firsthand experience in international diplomacy but today I would like to discuss not International diplomacy but everyday diplomacy diplomacy which takes place in our everyday ordinary life of course uh when we say diplomacy we mean first of all International diplomacy State can establish diplomatic relations and use diplomacy for preventing or resolving conflicts for defending and promoting their interest but we could also apply the concept of diplomacy to our everyday life and of course there are many differences between International diplomacy and everyday diplomacy International diplomacy is about diplomacy between nations and everyday diplomacy is about diplomacy among individuals and small groups such as families and peer groups but at the same time there are a lot of commonalities between International diplomacy and everyday diplomacy I knew many very outstanding diplomats dignitaries politicians who were not just very good in international diplomacy but very effective in everyday diplomacy in everyday communication they were very polite very nice and that quality very much helped in performing international diplomacy let me tell you a little story how I met President Clinton in fact I met him twice first time I was introduced to him during a big diplomatic reception I when I was introduced you see this picture to him he offered me a very warm greeting he said well how are you Mr Fel Ambassador Fel how things in usbekistan to be honest I was a little surprised I didn't expect such a great warm greeting and we spent a few seconds greeting each other talking to each other and after some time A friend of mine said well do you know him did you know him I said no I didn't know and in few years I met him once again it was another big diplomatic Gathering I was standing in a corridor and suddenly President Clinton appeared somewhere next to me and he made a couple of steps and great me uh with handshake I was very much surprised and of course Very Much pleased and I also made a few steps and uh we greeted each other with handshake and I thought well that's a kind of I don't believe that he uh and he remembers me there were so many diplomats so many ambassadors head of states and many other very very prominent people it's just impossible to remember someone after a few years and uh sometime ago I told this story to a person who worked for President Clinton several years and he said to me well you know he has a incredible memory he remembers everybody who meet even few years ago and I don't know to be honest is that true or not but such a qu quality it's a great quality to be both Diplomat at everyday level and at International level to be a good everyday Diplomat and good International Diplomat so we live in a social world and social world is a world of difference we have so many differences around different people different groups and we may have many many differences in our interests our positions our attitudes our beliefs our behavior and many many differences and it is very important to cope with these differences to live with peace peacefully with these differences and we may have a lot of discussions debates disagreements confrontation and conflicts that's a part of our life of social life but it is again so important to cope with all these differences different opinions different colors different religions different people and to cope with these differences we need to have three very important things number one a mindset it's a spirit of everyday diplomacy number two it's a strategy a way of interacting with others and certain skills which help us to be a diplomat to implement this strategy in our everyday life let's start from mindset this mindset is peace of mind our inner peace it's a spirit of peace peacefulness that that's very important that's our inner Foundation of everyday diplomacy that gives us some stability that's very important and our peace of mind is based on our ability to be tolerant to have patience and to recognize differences there are many differences that's all right to have so many differences not just to recognize but appreciate these differences when we have this tolerance patience and recognition of differences that provides us some basis to be to have peace of mind everyday strategy this this strategy is a strategy of balance we may have a lot of our own interests of course and values and rights that's great to have all these and defend them but it's also important to recognize and to see that others also have interests values and rights it's very important to have some balance between these war is act of extreme and balance but diplomacy is constructing a balance a balanced relationship our inner balance which provides us some inner integrity and balance with others and there is a very nice symbol of balance which is symbol of taii which is ancient Chinese T is symbol of in and yang in comprises some Yang and yang comprises some in these are opposites but they also complement each other they need each other they balance each other that's very important for them to exist and to fulfill and uh the strategy of balance the balance strategy has three pillars one is rooting which is rooting in some values in some principles in peacefulness of our mind in love we need to have some rooting to be stable to have balanced relationship with others resilience which is so important in our turbulent world when we have so many challenges so many changes and moderateness which is very very important to have balanced relationship with others and with ourselves we need some skills to implement this strategy in our life there are two very important sets of skills number one is social interaction skills interaction with others number two self-regulation skills this is interaction skills let's start from social interaction skills there are few very important things which helps us to have these social interaction skills first understanding it's just impossible to deal to cope with others diplomatically to be a diplomate and understand and cope with others without understanding tactfulness which is very important characteristic of diplomacy is very important and negotiation is very important all these things are very important understanding is based in on our mindfulness our ability to see to feel to be here and now to pay attention to details we need to be receptive to differences not to reject but to to rece to to be receptive and listening listening is active both emotional and cognitive process tactfulness is one of very key characteristics of being Diplomat diploma y it's based on our sensitivity to sense even some tinese things body language meaning some details civility which shows us as a part of civil civilization we need to be part of civilization and respect which preserve which preserves the Dignity of others when we respect others we may expect some respect from others this is also very important and negotiation of course negotiation is very very crucial it's a central for any diplomacy both International diplomacy and everyday diplomacy every day Diplomat is a man of negotiation he or she negotiate with neighbors with relatives with bosses with subordinates with everyone negotiation is not just a skill it's a value it's a social good because it provides us opportunity to agree to get some agreement to have some balanced relationship it's all right to have discussions I may have some my own opinion you may have your own opinion let's discuss that's a way of negotiation it's important to find something common common ground that's a way of negotiation and coming to an agreement which is a way of negotiation and way of diplomacy as far as uh our self-regulation skill the central here is our ability to be calm that's very important even in discussion in the disagreements in tough situation with difficult people but it's not just an idea we need to have some skills to regulate ourselves for example to relax our muscles to breathe naturally to be not on Resistance when we resist to some differences we increase our tension we become more unbalanced and culture is very important because e every culture has its own codes cultural codes some traditions some norms for example in our culture in usbekistan we have So-Cal oop M here we expect it's expected that we show respect elderly people if you are in public transp transportation it's expected that you offer your seat to the elderly people and something which is very diplomatic in one culture could be not so diplomatic in other culture so it's important to feel to use it to understand cultural codes and Inner Strength is very important because diplomacy practicing diplomacy is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength you need to in strengths which provides you honesty which your ability to be honest when you lie you lose your your credibility so you need to practice truthfulness with inner strength and with tact there are so many opportunities to practice everyday diplomacy in restaurant in Social gathering in nature in class among friends these are wonderful opportunities to develop ourselves to develop our peace of mind we have a very special gift which is smile that's very important that brings us a lot of good feeling peace an everyday Diplomat practice smile allow me to offer you a small exercise or practice of everyday diplomacy please turn to your neighbor from left side or from right side can you find a partner from left side or right side please look at your partner carefully attentively with mind mindfulness and see some difference see the beauty of his or her differences and say something nice to this person and appreciate this difference this person is different differs from everything the rest of the world and say thank you that's a way of practicing of everyday diplomacy and finally please raise your hand who feel yourself as an everyday Diplomat many more thank you very much thank [Music] you