[Music] it's funny when a girl tells her story only to be told back that it's unrealistic almost as if they're afraid to believe it's real [Music] for everyone who doesn't know my mom's a [ __ ] my dad shot himself my life sucks and my brother's on a watch list not in that order or maybe I don't know but last year that combination left me at the worst most predatory School imaginable at least I thought it was the worst school but then I like talk to other people and it turns out it wasn't that bad well no it wasn't that bad it was just really standard other girls saying their gym teacher wanted to bang them their counselor texting them at three in the morning I was the only one with a white nationalist photography teacher though so I guess that's something but here's the problem mom won't listen the principal doesn't care and I still have all of senior year to get through my life's just a game a sick hopeless game like I've never really been religious but if God is some introvert loser sitting in their computer chair I really hope they can help me through this [Music] oh this rope is filthy what are you doing with the climbing rope nothing just moving it unrelated do you know how to tie a noose why would I know how to do that you were in the Girl Scouts yeah we learned how to tie knots to go on boats and [ __ ] not hang ourselves well we're just assuming a whole lot today aren't we hey guys what's going on why is the rope in here she was just asking me how to tie a noose and like did you help her should I Nicole are you really trying to kill yourself again yeah no uh pick your favorite answer out of those why would you help her tie a noose I didn't oh my God I can't right now what's her problem what's your problem we're not even two weeks back yet and you're trying to hang yourself with the gym rope dude you have no idea what I had to witness this morning the Jeffrey kid was doing cartoon voices for Mr berliday and the guy just nodded telling him he had a future in Hollywood like he wasn't joking yeah so now he's just encouraged to go up to us talking like Elmo all day all right yeah I get it but could you hold up on killing yourself for two more weeks we're still Partners on the lab remember oh that's your motive for keeping me alive yeah sure no problem so will I see you in science today about that why don't we just go out and do something else regardless of whatever you say I'm not showing up to any class with Jeffrey for the rest of the week I exerted all that energy to keep you alive and you're still not gonna go you can come with me if you want uh I'm trying to get into college after I graduate fine go to science and let Jeffrey do Elmo voice at you oh God where are you even going why did we come here if we don't even know what we want to buy dude we're literally in the mall just figure it out even if I do want something it's just torture I have like no money who said we're buying anything just steal the [ __ ] oh okay you think they have MSI stuff here the band yeah they're all in my Shuffle and they might be in town this Saturday oh is there a problem no I'm just surprised you like MSI because you're so normal [ __ ] I could cut myself just as much as you do I just have better [ __ ] to do okay that's not how it okay so what are we getting I want a CD and a shirt if they have one it's one or the other why can't we steal both should we steal twice in the same trip the only people here is US and some Dad buying Sketchers who do you think the security guy is gonna have more fun gawking at he wouldn't look at us we're like children skipping school oh those children are so hot how many men do you need to see out at a sex offenders before you start seeing there's a trend you know what pick for me Nicole lead the way I always wonder if the big gaudy security tags are for show they don't even reorganize the CDs how am I supposed to find this here at FYE what the [ __ ] do you expect acknowledgment of the alphabet don't you have the songs on your eye touch what do you even want a CD for collection you put them on a shelf somewhere look at my CDs who's gonna want to look at your CD collection other than you guys who want me bad see they think they can manipulate me by pretending to care about my taste in music but I'm actually manipulating them into learning about my favorite artists going all along I have no intention of [ __ ] them in the first place that's genius why is Flaming Lips in the M section wait what is Flaming Lips shitty okay I'll give it a try can you hurry up I feel like we're 20 seconds away from a guy in a Spitfire shirt asking us what bands we like oh just found it so how do we sneak it out say that again but just as loud so everyone in the store can hear I don't do this all the time Nicole College stuff and major in shoplifting quick come on oh my God that was such a rush yeah spending monies for posers oh it'll sound so good on my dad's stereo too I don't think I've ever heard a single person say stereo without dad in front of it well yeah stereos are for old people without iPods do you think we'll ever end up old people with iPods hell I don't want to think about being old yeah I probably kill myself before that happens anyway if you do can you like leave a note on how you killed yourself in case I want to do it too dude yeah what are friends for yeah because my mom was telling me about the Zodiac Killer and I don't think anyone's gonna go out that cool again oh is he the guy with the symbol notes oh my God yeah it would be cool to go out like that think about it some Infamous shadowy figure kills you and then writes to the news and code about how hot it was when you died you probably say that about every girl he kills yeah I know that's true if he doesn't specifically say I'm his hottest victim then [ __ ] off he can kill someone else I get that do you think we're crazy for wanting that no we're just hot these are hot girl problems totally should we leave before we get caught or yeah let's go to the Chrome Diner looks like The Jig Is up girls stop cop over stealing a 1299 CD I hope it was worth it what band did you like so much huh he's not wearing a Spitfire shirt dude the CD was her she brought it from home to trade in with the price label and security tag still on it she collects right yeah they lose collector's value if you take those off you girls are gonna need a better story than that well do you want the truth of course see we saw you standing guard over there looking so strong we kind of wanted an excuse to get arrested right uh oh yeah we have a thing for handcuffs just being tossed around by an aggro man in uniform being back can have some good payoff sometimes uh is there something you girls would like me to know yeah actually we want you to know your wife doesn't need to totally your wife is probably such a [ __ ] when you come home but we're two hot girls with no expectations at all huh well my wife is a [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] who I'm killing first if I ever get fired and see that doesn't scare us off at all yeah you're dangerous we want you more now you want to just forget about the CD and hang out somewhere Topgolf just opened [ __ ] Top Golf let's go to the Super Eight you're so naughty how old are you girls anyway well we're a package deal so 34. 34 divided by two that's uh hold on you're a cop you don't need to know math so what if we're a little young no one needs to know yeah take us to Cancun where we're legal I got a place where I'd really like to take you Thailand downtown [ __ ] over [ __ ] MSI CD you miners thought you could pull a fast one on me huh though I will admit you both look very mature for 13. 13 and they let you have a gun we can't all be algebra experts what the hell is this again the school sex addict rehab program I need Lexapro just cause we flirted with that guy I know we get the one male cop who isn't a pedophile is that our Silver Lining maybe the mall cop snitching to the truancy officer is it's a little entertaining to see what kids we know here oh hey didn't know you guys had to go here too is this surprising no no it's not Hello Earth to Nicole oh my God make him go away Jeffrey how does a guy who sounds like a cartoon also have a sex addiction problem uh can those not be together do you get turned on by the paperclip guy in Microsoft Office sorry I'm a Mac User is that why you're here yeah Jack is that why you're here oh my God totally every time he pops up I just want to rub against him but rub against him that's so oh sorry last week we covered how to avoid sharing inappropriate thoughts with other girls no kidding a whole lesson yeah is that why you're here well if I shared why I'm here then I'd be relapsing come on we all need to relapse every now and then are you peer pressuring me more like Pierre helping you my value ran out a couple months ago but this morning I took so much of my mom's Valium I can't even feel my lungs when I breathe in I'm just Zen yeah and Zen's a good ass [ __ ] feeling Jeffrey oh okay fine I was in the after school gaming Club playing Jack and Daxter on the PS2 and uh what a setup for this yeah so I'm playing it and no one else was around and I just kind of felt like you know feeling around down there yeah well one thing led to another and before I knew it I was out in the open touching with one hand while the other was still playing Jack and Daxter you jacked off to Jack and Daxter what no I didn't do it to Jack and Daxter I did it while playing Jack and Daxter [Laughter] and you finished and everything don't ask that I wasn't trying to do that I just spaced out and eventually the club sponsor walked in on me so I had to go here or else they'd expel me he really put the jack in Jack and Daxter huh so you're doing it and what's Jack and Daxter doing he's just running around they were running around Jack and daxter's two separate characters Jacka so you just told two girls how you got off to a video game but you're more concerned if we know the characters in the video game uh yeah why would you do that to a game for little kids it's T for teen so was this a group thing did Dr Jack too uh I never played Jack 2 I wouldn't know we need to get the [ __ ] out of here what are you talking about he's probably the worst one here everyone else should be cool forgive me Father for I have sinned please make these urges go away my cousin is not hot my cousin is not hot okay we need to get the [ __ ] out of here I wish we could walk out but the principal's watching the door so hard I think we're gonna need a distraction huh hey Kelly what's up Nicole Jeffrey was just telling me how he wants to shove his face in your boobs uh what hey I didn't say that oh my God Jeffrey Don't Lie the first step is admitting you have a problem if you are attractive I'd immediately let you but you're just another ugly stalker yeah keep it in your pants for once Jeffrey if I wasn't in a relationship with Jesus now I would hurt you so bad okay okay please don't but then he said that you were way cuter and less [ __ ] than Ari oh my God that's actually really sweet thank you Jeffrey I'd still never [ __ ] you in a million years same oh so you think you can just talked [ __ ] about me [ __ ] don't be jealous [ __ ] I don't get jealous of [ __ ] yeah Ari I'm gonna [ __ ] anymore okay I have a relationship with God and Jesus now is that who told you to sell your ass for an iPod Nano last week damn not even a video one uh I don't even know what you're talking about face it [ __ ] Jesus is a pimp and Born Again virgins like you are his army of hugs hey guys let's settle down and try to be at least halfway respectful here why don't you [ __ ] off often finish last version you had it coming Jeffrey oh now you have beef with Jeffrey I'm sorry didn't mean to insult your future customers do you actually want to run up right now from night to school don't even try me yeah right what are you gonna do with that stab you and watch the skeet pour out not if I choke you first he'll spin your face I'll spin in your mouth I'll like it oh it is happening will you spin mine back I'll bite your bottom lip and make you [ __ ] bleed promise to kiss me after no no it's not love it's just lust it's not love it's just lust what the [ __ ] okay girls break it up oh now you stop them one phone call and I can lock you both into a real rehab program let's go oh yeah I really thought I'd seen it all here I don't want to think about sex for the rest of the month no yeah for sure God imagine being those girls for a week it'd be kind of fun you want to be sexed up abusive lesbians [ __ ] no why not because you'd be doing all the abusing oh like what just weird [ __ ] you'd like put a cigarette on my neck and lick the burn mark so you want to try it no fine whatever you never told me that Ari girl was so ghetto or is that [ __ ] ghetto she's like the whitest girl I ever met she had a knife on her because she was a girl scout it's just a pocket knife they don't have pocket knives in the ghetto Nicole trust me she's kissed her brother on the lips white hello girls we're not talking about kissing are we uh no it's all right I'm your counselor you can trust me with anything no I was just telling her how white some girl is now now sounds like it might be name-calling you remember our bullying assembly last year correct why are you um here I was informed that you both attended the sexual addiction rehab meeting yesterday and just wanted to follow up with you oh no it wasn't that deep we just flirted with a cop how deep was it then you really got paid to [ __ ] work here don't you I'm certainly sensing a lot of hormonal tension from the two of you as always if you'd like to explore these urges my office is right around the corner what the [ __ ] is that supposed to mean teachers are broke right I think so why if he has a part-time job as a mall cop we could really use this to our advantage no way I'm ever doing that again what if he had a part-time job as security for an MSI concert I'd practice flirting in the mirror to get in for free are there no limits with you [ __ ] you have no limits you want to put a cigarette out on my neck oh whatever so are you going to class this time or what are you doing for this week's assignment let's really open the floor of creativity in the medium of newsprint and charcoal pencil we're gonna draw a few characters we're going to draw a newspaper it's like newspaper without the ink what the [ __ ] did my mom pay a 50 Supply fee for for drawing on newspaper yeah isn't that cheaper than printer paper it's not cheaper it's just specialized art classes are here to remind you you're special so our homeless people special when they eat out of the garbage your minds are special is he calling a special ed I guess we are if we took this class and with the medium of newsprint and charcoal pencils we'll be drawing characters any characters you'd like these characters could tell a story show how you feel portray its social cause anything you feel is worth the time to draw my characters murder [ __ ] that must be school appropriate can my characters be the gym teacher trying to molest us Nicole what it's in school I think you're all smart enough to know what pushes the envelope it's your first assignment just play it safe any other questions are we allowed to just draw people hanging out of course though it might not be the strongest test of your creativity think why are they hanging out what purpose brought them all together to hang out [ __ ] and [ __ ] if there are no further questions I'll hand you your papers and we can begin this is gonna suck ass yeah I'm sensing some negativity over here girls it's negative to think your class is a waste of time that's not negative it's just accurate yeah like you're gonna fail us if we're bad at drawing I'll fail you if you're bad at giving effort so there's no tangible achievement in this class that's [ __ ] stupid watch the language watch the office the office the TV show yeah it's for people who aren't funny you'll love it hey I like the office so yeah why do we have to draw in paint it's our last year of high school you're never too old for creativity we don't know what we're doing we're just finger painting with brushes well if you put the effort in maybe you'll learn what you're doing or maybe I'll have to fail you for the year no I'll do it it's just dumb as [ __ ] terrorist attack better be an art school yes and Nicole can I trust you'll participate can I trust the housing market your friend's doing it why not join her because she wants to go to college and [ __ ] I just want to hang out and get [ __ ] up respectable so you won't be participating nope then maybe you could serve as my teaching assistant for the year and what's that entail cleaning brushes organizing supplies and posting to our Myspace Pages why would you put any of this on MySpace online networking is the future what if one of you kids went viral and spun a career out of it have you heard of owl town you mean Owl City either way in the Arts we embrace the future and Myspace is that future welcome aboard Nicole oh my God is that excitement I hear fine I'll do a little baby drawing okay to the best of your ability oh yeah you'll see your hands covered in that weird charcoal stuff yeah I wash my hands for like two minutes it doesn't come off I'm so glad I'm not in it do you like drawing or whatever no I was just randomly placed in it the kids who actually wanted to be there are so annoying too I like taking art class Mr Laurie's the best see no I see see what I gotta work on my lab I'll see you later Nicole what about me God I drew for an hour and then in two days I'll have to draw for another hour what's so bad about drawing Jeffrey just do the lab well no what's wrong with it or do you not like Mr Laurie uh both I wish more people understood him he's been through a lot this year in his home life how would you know he's a teacher they don't tell us anything I have lunch in his classroom because no one sits with me in the cafeteria we talk about a bunch of stuff like his house foreclosing and his wife cheating on him and wait wait cheated on him with who it was um I think this might have been private I don't know if I should tell you no come on I can't come on Jeffrey don't you want to make me happy oh yeah so you go ahead and tell me okay it was the UPS man holy [ __ ] what from teacher to mailman he's so bad of a husband that she's [ __ ] down you're not gonna tell anyone are you Jeffrey don't you trust me oh okay I trust you thank you she's [ __ ] down yeah he's pathetic right what if she's just really ugly when you're ugly all you can do is [ __ ] down yeah but she still cheated it takes a lot for an ugly woman to cheat oh totally Mr Laurie had to have been into some terrible [ __ ] but what though sup [ __ ] who invited you me [ __ ] you guys want to go to the fair with me this weekend the fair yeah with like games and [ __ ] is it 1920 why would I go to the fair yeah we have internet and Xanax [ __ ] the fair what's so bad about old stuff 1920 the cool year you would like a year where rape was legal rape was not legal in 1920. in practice it was God shut up there's cool [ __ ] to do there they don't even card you honestly it's your loss hey whoa what's going on show with the yelling leave me alone bro don't be a [ __ ] don't make me fight you dude what don't be lame right now why are you still here me no both of you I was just trying to like he was kind of going at you we're not gonna [ __ ] either of you oh whatever then yeah I know um I literally do that every week speaking of every week are you still watching Real Housewives Atlanta no I got tired of it is it bad now no just every commercial on Bravo is like guess which celebrities gay we got them this time it's annoying for the gay channel it's kind of homophobic yeah I only watch at midnight when they're selling Girls Gone Wild in enzy do you think they pay well who Bravo no girl's gone wild there's my artist hello girls oh god let's keep the conversations to inside the classroom oh I won't be long I just wanted to compliment your effort today Nicole good first apprehensive but then sinking your teeth into the assignment more than anyone good showing thanks Mr Laurie I look forward to the final product beautiful girls make beautiful pictures right girls but it's a mirror photo I'll see you on Thursday Nicole what a [ __ ] weirdo what's his problem I think he's a tiny bit into you cool another child predator you've literally said that about every guy teacher here well it's literally true you still have a dad so they don't go for you as much really yeah sexual Father Figure is like top five male fantasies right after murder oh and if they hook up with you there's no Angry Dad to kick their ass over it exactly so you could be prettier but I'm way more desirable I've had my fair share of guy teachers flirt with me I just don't jump to all of them wanting sex well no not all of them just like 90 that high yeah I'm pretty sure like 90 of men have the urge to sexually murder teenage girls anyone who opposes that is probably like some ugly white guy who gets mad at video games is that a thing I wonder if Jamie Lynn had that baby yet excuse me Nicole first week of school and your friends are already pregnant and no Mom Jamie Lynn Spears I don't care who her parents are I don't want you hanging around girls who make bad decisions a little late for that this is a new year and I want you to start it off right as if I did last year wrong oh let me count the ways far too many for a number yeah right it name one incident the time you dated your gym teacher I needed money that doesn't count then how about when you cost a boy to get locked in the psych ward it's not my fault I'm beautiful mom I didn't know it was common for beautiful girls to ask for a gallon of their partner's blood if they're beautiful and hot absolutely okay then explain the time you said a powmia flag on fire in the cafeteria it was funny honestly answer that for all of them it's excuse after excuse you're driving me crazy with your [ __ ] Nicole I just got the [ __ ] home can we do this later another excuse get your [ __ ] together and we won't have have this problem what [ __ ] I'm fine stop lying quit shoplifting don't talk back to your teachers and fix your [ __ ] drug problem what drug problem what are you talking about stay out of my medicine cabinet Nicole mom you are so so [ __ ] paranoid right now am I you wouldn't mind if I looked in your backpack would you I wouldn't mind but you wouldn't find [ __ ] anyway cause you did it all at school right what is it the Salem hoe trials you have two options Nicole live by the rules of society or live on the goddamn Street right now your schoolwork is the only thing keeping you here you wouldn't kick me out I can do whatever I want except find a good husband right shut your [ __ ] mouth the MILF Windows closing mom I want to hit you so bad right now where's my Valium top shelf on the left why do I say we when they talk about football teams hold on what are you drawing can I see no no not yet surprise I didn't know what you're drawing for this class but it better be really good if you care this much we're graded on effort I wonder if art studios higher based on effort oh I just finished my drawing what'd you draw [ __ ] getting killed women dying is cool you should move when you graduate unfortunately the deadline for your character drawings has come I will now walk around to provide feedback and collect your artwork Jacka oh here I care to explain the piece to me it's me and Ryan Sheckler at The Warp Tour Ryan Sheckler yep [ __ ] he's sexy that's an unblockable character in Tony Hawk he's not even real you are really [ __ ] stupid watch the language Nicole [ __ ] sorry I mean [ __ ] sorry I mean whatever and now I'm very interested to see yours are you sure you worked hard on it let's share it with the class if you say so this is what is this oh it's a picture of you killing yourself while your wife blows the UPS man where did you get this information oh my God I'm so sorry was it FedEx this isn't funny Nicole I think it's pretty funny insubordination and appropriate imagery and sexual harassment of Faculty Isles LED principal Lynn handle you I'm sorry sexual harassment that's precisely what this is there's nothing sexy about you it's just regular harassment this [ __ ] better have some volume left guess not I told you you I said what what you what the [ __ ] what the thing about you eared for expulsion without giving me a phone call the [ __ ] you mean expelled I got suspended thank you suspend suspended indefinitely yeah and definitely meaning not definite like not for sure meaning until they know what to do with you that's how much trouble you're in [ __ ] whatever it's not a big deal mom they always threaten this and what if they follow through I don't know it's not even your problem just [ __ ] off so I take it you're not my problem either definitely not fine as of tonight you no longer live here what you heard me pack your [ __ ] get out of my house go drink some wine you're such a [ __ ] When You're Sober get the [ __ ] out of my come on should I call the police you know what do it God damn it hurry up I texted like five minutes ago okay what the hell is going on do you still have that futon in your basement yeah it's covered in dried Mr PIV but yeah I guess that's fine can I sleep here tonight no [ __ ] tomorrow are you really getting expelled over that drawing that's [ __ ] just tell your mom that I'm done telling my mom anything she can rot in a tanning bed for all I care well you're gonna rot in the street if you don't work it out with her dude you have a house just let me stay with you if it was my house you could stay all you want but it's my parents house I'm gonna get pissed that'll probably hit on you it'll be weird okay so you and your dad against her that's perfect let me stay no Nicole like I wish I could help but I don't know well can you at least give me all the Fruit Roll-Ups in your kitchen I'll be right back wonder which mall has the softest benches those are the worst benches ever it's looking at what homeless customers damn Nicole you're here early yeah you too what for just buying something buying what are you a cop [ __ ] do I look like a cop yeah just waiting for Kyler he's supposed to tell me he's oxy he's got a lot right totally these dumbass white guys break their legs and turn into pharmacies I'd buy more from him but then I'd have to give him my phone number no you don't Myspace make a ghost account a ghost account or they call it a burner or a puppet basically an account separate from you where you do illegal [ __ ] oh I think I already have one of those what do you use it for stalking people who blocked me kind of a waste you have the right people you can buy anything on there drugs guns ass whatever trucks guns and ass and the cops aren't tracking that no they're old ass cops they can't figure that [ __ ] out cool yeah this is good to hear because my mom kicked me out yesterday I should buy something to forget about this [ __ ] are you Couchsurfing or straight up homeless homeless straight up I slept on a bench last night damn boo go make some money on MySpace but I don't have any drugs or guns to sell you know what I meant uh I don't know if I'm ready to be a MySpace escort have you never thought about it before no I think about it every week I just never thought I'd have this Crossroad in high school [ __ ] happens dude I wouldn't think any less of you yeah but what I think less of myself yo what's up I got the [ __ ] where the [ __ ] were you places I got [ __ ] to do I'm not some drug addict like you they're not for me they're for my boyfriend you have a boyfriend I don't want to sell this to you anymore are you kidding me I got 100 for the bottle right here 110. you said 100 on MySpace [ __ ] yeah but you didn't say you had a boyfriend [ __ ] me okay 110 here thanks and let me know when you're single let me know when you're not what have fun Nicole I'll try gotta get home before mind of Mencia comes on Tyler can I have a pill I don't have a boyfriend panhandling pills what are you homeless uh no oh good yeah you could have one because I [ __ ] hate the homeless okay seriously like a lot of politicians just say that but I actually want homeless people exterminated off the planet yeah that's an opinion like the only way they could contribute to our society is by jumping into meat grinder so we have something to feed farm animals give me the [ __ ] fine are you like an addict you could say that sweet yeah drug addict girls are hot because they're really easy to control Jesus Christ what oh uh I think mine of Mencia is starting soon oh you're right I gotta go okay I gotta figure something out okay so welcome to Fye I thought it was Phi uh no FYE it's an abbreviation I'm Kelly I'll be your manager yeah we go to school together do we I don't think we've properly met are you [ __ ] with me okay Nicole that language is okay amongst co-workers but not in front of the customers so first training question what does FYE stand for for your excitement try again for your ejaculation no that's our adult video Branch For Your Entertainment good but not only are the products for the customers entertainment it's also the store experience are you saying we got a flirt with the customers if you want to sell that Rewards program is that optional sell it once a month or else you're fired oh and after hours am I allowed to sleep in the break room I mean I don't care but the regional manager might I can close every night even the days I'm not working I'll just show up to close dang really yeah do whatever you want then go get her and do you drug test no it's an FYE not a hospital this is gonna be sick glad to hear let's go out on the floor so I can show you how it's done okay we're just opening so some customers are going to show soon remember the four steps to the register greet compliment help entertain oh my God good memory I try because I have to now oh customer watch this hey welcome to Fye I'm Kelly oh yeah hey nice shirt by the way thanks uh yeah most people were kind of down on those guns and roses really I thought it was even better than the first movie movie so you're looking for anything in particular uh some DVD box sets for a road trip oh yeah collections are right over here but you gotta pick the right one or you're in for a miserable Drive yeah really my ex-boyfriend picked the most boring movies that's why I'm single now oh man sorry to hear what a mistake and the difference between this and whoring myself out on MySpace is I wonder if this place has anime Nicole hi welcome to Fye I didn't know you worked here well now you do by the way nice um damn nice what compliment uh you don't look like a regular rapist thanks so are you looking for anything well actually I wandered in here under the assumption there would be anime DVDs cool um do you have any no we don't carry anime so sorry you're gonna have to leave leave but why you're just gross you look like you were breastfed you were eight you're just saying that because of my breast milk fetish oh now you really have to leave but what but Nicole Welcome to Fye I'm Kelly hello I like your shirt dude really funny oh thanks my mom got it for me at Target that's really hot what brings you here today anime so we only have a few anime DVDs but you can look at them on that back shelf oh okay I could browse for a moment and I'll be with you in just a sec Nicole could I have a word with you in the break room okay I gotta redo that was a psycho customer sure he was a little off but you can't just insult the customers like that you saw how I handled him yeah but you didn't see the other weird [ __ ] about his breast milk fetish Nicole we're in the business of sales if the customer says he has a breast milk fetish you tell that [ __ ] to drink up that's insane that's customer service he won't remember what he bought but he will remember telling the pretty girl working at FYE about breast milk and her being totally cool with it I don't get it is this Hooters basically but instead of wings we sell DVDs and instead of a boob job you get a lip ring why the hell did I get a job this is just as degrading as selling my body on MySpace you can do that hell yeah Emily told me it's on the internet so the cops don't track it I've been having sex for free this whole time you're telling me I could have got paid for it yeah you want to try it with me [ __ ] this place let's quit and the manager remember so you get a lanyard big deal this lanyard means I make 9.25 an hour Plus discounts Plus benefits yeah you're kind of set for life here how long do we have to work before they give us the lip ring we don't give you one you just get it yourself oh will I quit then okay it was nice working with you yeah good luck God my space sucks on the phone how do I make a new account oh [ __ ] what's up hey what's good I didn't know you drank coffee do you need to be somewhere I don't need to be anywhere it just tastes good are you still homeless basically I'm trying to use the Starbucks Wi-Fi right now did you try what I told you about no I'm making the account for it now though what should my name be I mean something that just lets people know you're down honestly gotcha how about dirty little rental little [ __ ] all right what about pierced princess I like the innuendo super cute but really emo I got [ __ ] to be Emo about don't I yeah true but that's probably already taken so put x's in the name okay XX pierced princess XX it's available there you go damn you went from like hesitant to making awesome screen names what happened over the week like I just came to grips with the fact that when you're pretty retail and escorting make you feel equally disgusting yeah either way you deal with hideous people against your will so who do I add how do I even know they're around here there's one guy who's pretty much connected with everybody in the area you add one then the others start hitting you up what's his name uh cream pie Casanova 420. yeah I see him here added so when he accepts just PM him and he'll shut you out cool but how does it work I don't have a car when you're selling favors they usually come to you and if you let them pay you in drugs you get way more for your time yeah have you done this before I'm on there but I never sold favors my friends in Laurel have though damn there's some white trash in Laurel too would they get paid in drugs yeah but only because they had people to sell to anyway I gotta go good luck with the Wi-Fi God this is sketchy I guess I thought of them kills me it'll make my mom mad you know for two weeks of being homeless you don't really look that Homeless what do you think everybody homeless wears a barrel with suspenders no but you're still so like clean and put together the homeless dudes on the bus are covered in dried spit and Burlington Coat Factory a lot of the guys let me crash use their shower everything guys that you're meeting on on MySpace yeah I never thought I'd ask this not as an insult but How's being a [ __ ] going escort or that whatever means money for sex on MySpace we don't call it sex we call it favors so what are the guys like are they really weird well they're buying favors so obviously but the actual doing it isn't even the worst part it's after what is it awkward uh so after they finish depending on the guy you get this wide range of emotions from wanting to save you to wanting to kill you what's in the middle wanting you to get out before their wife comes home they're married you pregnant Nicole there's upper favors and lower favors I don't do lower favors those are for ugly girls [ __ ] what do they pay if you're not giving it all up there's not really a number because I usually trade for drugs guys into this or like pharmacies that better be some awesome [ __ ] if you're not getting paid oh it is I probably did a thousand dollars in free pills this week they're not free if you're doing favors for them let's not get that deep but you're only doing this because you're homeless for real what I'm saying is being a regular hoe for actual cash would be better than where you are right now then you could get your own place maybe no [ __ ] I ask for drugs because I can't do this sober I can't beg sober I can't starve sober and I definitely can't [ __ ] a stranger sober yeah but why not go to a women's shelter or something you can't have drugs in a women's shelter which is the last place you want to be sober in I guess it's just a month ago I couldn't imagine you doing this I could never do this it's so gross well a month ago I wasn't homeless but when your mom kicks you out and your friend won't let you stay with her but kind of forces you to do [ __ ] you wouldn't normally do are you trying to kill me right now I don't need to try I gave you Fruit Roll-Ups what do you want from me this is so much easier than a phone Myspace let's see I can only pay in cash if that's okay [ __ ] I guess I have enough on me to get me through it also please keep this to yourself I have a high profile career and don't want this getting around high profile means rich and Rich means blackmail money but I can't hold up a camera phone in his face for the proof Nicole you're not allowed to use MySpace on the library computers Karen right do you know how to set up a timed photo on the sidekick the phone don't change the subject I'm the librarian assistant you're gonna get me in trouble why can't we use MySpace it's not an educational website I learned how to break into a car on MySpace how is that not educational rules are rules Nicole you need to log off now walk off I gotta reply to this dude can you just act like a hot [ __ ] for once but I'm not a hot [ __ ] no I you're um your glasses are cute just cute though did I say cute I meant hot like sex for free hot I don't know I feel kind of nerdy wearing them but contacts hurt my eyes nerdy no they're like really distinctive in a hot way you could like be in Playboy with a quadratic formula [ __ ] stamp [ __ ] stamp like the back tattoo yeah dudes could study it while hitting you doggy and [ __ ] I'm allergic to dogs Christ whatever Karen do you see what I'm saying you're a hot [ __ ] act like one what are hot [ __ ] supposed to act like hot [ __ ] aren't worried about losing their depressing unpaid internship at the local library well I guess you can use the computer for five more minutes but then you really gotta log off close enough so how do I do a timed photo uh okay so you go to the camera section do new capture then go over to flash and exposure settings okay that camera angle should be good where is this guy and I wonder how rich he's gonna be he could be like a basketball player or Steve Jobs or the guy who invented Adderall oh I think that's him it's so dark you probably can't even recognize me hey you weren't looking for favors were you guilty is charged pierced princess what the [ __ ] you're not rich you're Mr Laurie oh God you're working at school and you're on that part of my space and Nicole please stop oh no that's why your wife left you you kept paying for us on the internet Emily come out here damn I was hoping you were the guy from Transformers what was this we thought you were gonna be a celebrity so Nicole had me hide with her camera phone no two witnesses why not just use the self-timer I couldn't figure it out how long have you been doing this girls please I'm just very anxious I popped three zans and I'm still freaking out how do you think I feel no come on let's work something out here like what no [ __ ] that this dude got me expelled he ruined my life I'm sorry Nicole just please don't tell anyone about this you better pay up then starting at a thousand each but on a teacher's salary and my house payment your house was foreclosed what do you gotta worry about [ __ ] take a loan out yeah ask your wife for that UPS money all right fine fine uh I'll go to the ATM if you promise to just not tell anyone oh for sure yeah trust me we won't tell a soul you know damn well we told after we got the money I told Jacka Jacka showed the photo to miss Lynn miss Lynn informed the school board and the school board deemed his accusation of me unreliable because he pays for sex my mom got a call from the principal saying I'm back in school so I'm not homeless anymore either everything just kind of worked out aside from all the trauma I got from selling my body but whatever Jacka was worried he'd get revenge on me because I snitched you know Cardinal Street rule but honestly Street rules don't really exist when you're actually living on the street everyone's gonna have an opinion on what I did to survive but let's see you homeless with no one to crash with those upper favors are gonna start sounding real convenient then again you're probably not as pretty as me so you'd only get paid for lower favors bend over [ __ ]