[Laughter] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] I try not to well you need help sure [Music] would you like to tell us what the hell that was all about I don't like goodbyes kind of the point of a goodbye party Tom went to a certain amount of trouble you know could at least eight a few minutes huh eating some of the food we so feverishly prepared I apologize Harry why are you moving so quickly you only resigned a couple of days ago you got the history chair at Stanford I wish well taquitos chicken wings roasty Toasties and beer if we'd had more time we'd have done something a little more grandiose candlelight dinner at McDonald's strippers chiquitos are fine that Art's gonna be alarmed too he's uh talking to a student is George take it over for you George or Trimble is the dean made up his mind he hasn't called my God what what is this it looks like a van Gogh but I've never seen it before is that an original time no it's just a gift someone gave me still it's superb copy a contemporaneous I think may I take a closer look please yeah yeah it's the same stretchers Van Gogh used yeah there's a writing on the back it's in French oh to my friend Jacques Bourne I wonder who that was someone he knew I guess brilliant deduction Sherlock surely you'll have this looked at appraised well maybe sometime but I uh wouldn't really want money for it that does it put that stuff in the kitchen no I'm gonna put it in the bathroom John gas is off electricity's on it comes the way you can the furniture is going this afternoon it's been years since I sat on the floor I can't remember her name that's good for the back can we do yoga exercises tantric yoga weekend so you're leaving good old we teach you rather suddenly you must admit true time John is there a problem come on you know we want to help it's appreciated but really there's no problem well now I am curious where are you going giving up tenure a decade of professorship in line to chair the department and you don't know where you're going call it Cabin Fever after a while I get itchy feet I've done this before I don't know you're too young to have done this before and he hasn't aged a day in 10 years every woman on the faculty would give anything to have that secret is that what they're after eating oh stop Harry oh can you pull this [Music] here mostly around Big Bear bow and arrow those people can't bag a deal for right from the telescopic side [Music] oh good eating the best Wild game lives naturally eats naturally so I'm gonna get an A for awesome oh my gosh that's fun hey John you know Linda you had our last semester all right she's one of my victims now I'm taking her home she wanted to come by and say hello goodbye his artist tough is out here oh archeology is tough Dr Jenkins is a fine teacher oh it's very politic it's very true something for you to read on the road bro Shadows of the cave are parallels to Early Man Arthur M Jenkins publisher Parish I'd rather read than write another one thank you hi oh everybody this is uh Linda Linda this is everybody Linda hi so where are you going John like we give it down we've already covered that John's got itchy feet there are over-the-counter remedies for that John so there is a problem no I just like to move on now and then it's a personal thing well not to pry I'm sorry I don't have more to offer you got conversations some seats for your behinds and uh is he ducking out on us again I do have this oh Johnny Walker Green I didn't even know they made it in green what do they pay you nothing's too good for my friend I'm sorry we are down to plastic cups now it's a sacrilege I'll tolerate I will do the honors Oh Come to Papa who here cops cups here we go step on in here all right there you go birthday boy here we go excuse me art right now oh no I don't drink We're Not Gonna carve you darling all right here join the circle at least come on well the long life and good fortune to our esteemed friend and colleague John oleman may find undeserved Place wherever he goes you're here [Music] oh that's good John We're all sorry to see you go truly okay now we're done with that what do we do for the rest of the afternoon anyone got a good topic like this maybe what is that it's a bearing it's a parrot beak incline choose a point probably early Magdalene here may I see that sure yes indeed that's what it is what's uh burn a burn is a flint tool for Grooving wood and Bone antlers especially to make Spear and Harpoon points magdalenians weren't noted for Flint work so this is a very nice specimen okay what's a magdalenian a later Crow magnet without getting technical It's the final culture of the upper Paleolithic Stones could speak okay so where'd you get that done believe it or not from a thrift shop a quarter you lucky dog me I gotta go digging for this kind of stuff Maybe I'm glad you did this did what you mean come over maybe definitely gee thanks oh so are we so are we we couldn't let you just run off thanks John what is up up ah are you on America's Most Wanted we won't turn you in yeah come on out with it you're among friends Snoopy friends forget it you are creating a mystery here obviously you have something you'd like to say say it maybe I ten nine eight seven Harry stop there is something I'm tempted to tell you I think I've never done this before I wonder how it would pan out I wonder if I could ask you a silly question well John we're teachers we answer silly questions all the time hey what if a man from the upper Paleolithic survived until the present day what do you mean survived never die yes what would it be like well I know some guys you ever been to the Ozarks it's an interesting idea what are you working on a science fiction story say I am what would he be like pretty tired well seriously is is Art's book title suggests he might be like any of us damn a caveman well there's no anatomical difference between say a Coke magnet and us except that as a rule we've grown taller what's the selective advantage of height better to see predators and Tall Grass my dear that's a little tall and skinny yeah it radiates heat more effectively in warmer climates and as for neanderthals I mean we've all seen apish people I mean that's strange still with us but he'd be a caveman no he wouldn't John's hypothetical man would have lived through 140 centuries yeah roughly and changed if every one of them I mean assuming normal intelligence but we think men of the upper Paleolithic were as intelligent as we are they just didn't know as much but John's man would have learned as a race learned in fact if he had an inquiring mind his knowledge might be astonishing if you do write that let me have a look at it I'm sure you'll make some anthropological partners to deal what would keep him alive what does the biologist say cigarettes and ice cream all right all right I'll play I'll play all right um in science fiction terms I would say perfect regeneration of the body's cells especially in the vital organs actually the human body appears designed to live about 190 years most of us just die as slow poisoning maybe he did something right something everybody else in history done wrong but like eat the food drink the water and breathe the air and prior to Modern Times those were pristine I have extended our lifespan in a world that's um not fit to live in you know what could happen yeah the pancreas turns oversells every 24 hours the stomach lining in three days the entire body in seven years but the process falters waste accumulates eventually proves fatal to function now if a quirk in his immune system led to perfect detox perfect renewal then yeah he could duck Decay that's a secret we'd all love to have what do you really want to do that Live 14 000 years well if I could stay healthy and I you know I didn't age I mean why not yeah yeah what a chance to learn is anyone hungry yeah you know the more I think about it yeah it's possible anything is possible right after all one Century's magic another Century science they thought Columbus was a nut job right Pasteur Copernicus Aaron starkas long before that I had a chance to sail with Columbus only I'm Not The Adventurous type what I was pretty sure the Earth was round but it at that point I still thought he might fall off an edge someplace look around John we just did I I suppose there's a joke in there somewhere but I don't get it there's nothing to get well what are we talking about we were just talking about a caveman who survives until the present time as you said what a chance to learn once I learned to learn did you start the whiskey before we got here pretend it's it's my inspection figure it out okay yeah very old crow Magnum living until the depressed what John just confided to that he's 14 000 years old oh John you don't look a day over 900. okay all right Spock I'll play your little game what do you want what's up punchline every 10 years or so when people start to notice I don't age I move on a quick John I want to read that story when you're done you want more oh yeah by all means this is great all right now [Music] so you think that you are a a Cro-Magnon well I didn't learn it in school it's my best guess based on archaeological data Maps anthropological research since Mesopotamia I've got the last four thousand years straight well you're ahead of most people so uh please go on well you know the background stuff so I'll make it brief and what I call my first lifetime I aged to about 35 what you see I ended up leading my group they saw me as magical I didn't even have to fight for it then fear came and chased me away and they thought that I was stealing their lives away to stay young the prehistoric origin of the vampire myth that is good for a thousand years I didn't know up from sideways how do you know the first Thousand Years an informed guess based on what I've learned in my memories most people can scarcely remember their childhood but you have memories of that time like yours selected you know the high points the low points traumas they stick in the mind forever put down a 3 or 35 you still feel a twitch I kept getting chased because I wouldn't die so I got to hang joining new groups I found I also got the idea of periodically moving on it was semi-nomadic of course following the weather in a game we Hunted first two thousand years were cold we learned it was warmer and lower elevations late glacial piercing what was the terrain line mountainous fast Plains to the West West that was something you learned in school towards the Setting Sun I suspect I saw the British Isles from what is now the French Coast huge mountains on the other side of an enormous deep valley that was shadowed by the Setting Sun this is before they were separated from the continent by Rising Seas as glaciers melted that happened as the end of the place to sin you know so far what he says fits I'll get it into any textbook and that's where I found it how can I have knowledgeable recall if I didn't have knowledge it's all retrospective all I can do is integrate my Recollections with modern findings caveman he's gonna hit me over the head with the club and drag me into the bedroom be more fun conscious oh yeah let me get this straight now we're not talking about uh reincarnation you're not saying that you remember whatever the hell would be 200 separate lifetime die and then being born again one last time some lifetime oh wow well maybe there is some to this reincarnation thing you're supposed to come back again and again learn and learn and somehow John you just managed to bypass all the other bodies well what's the point what about oceans didn't see them till much later so how would you know an ocean from a lake big waves something else I can only surmise in retrospect were you curious about where it all came from we would look up at the sky and wonder there's got to be some big guys up there anyone else made all this down here at first I thought there was something wrong with me maybe I was a bad guy for not dying then I began to wonder if I was cursed or perhaps blessed and I thought maybe I I had a mission you still think you do God works in mysterious ways I think that just happened wow hello what's wrong Sandy coming yeah do we have Ellie's midterm here yeah sorry I picked it up with the periodicals got it no you're worried about your parents don't don't worry you passed C plus take care of yourself good kid what is praying about the end with history John please come continue come on I thought we were done with that no let's go on with it it's interesting besides I think he's making a certain amount of sense right like hey go logic from absurd premises that van Gogh oh he gave it to me I was uh Jacques born at the time a pig farmer a pig farmer I like to work with my hands he would come out to the place paint and we talked about capturing nature and art Turner Suzanne Bizarro on the Northern Landscapes not a Mango's time oh he would have loved them though yes well I don't understand why you can't remember where you're from geography hasn't changed I learned that in professional Professor Henson Step at lectures but you're right where did you live when you were five years old Little Rock your mother she took you to the market what direction was it from your house I don't know how far um three blocks were there any references that stuck in your mind well there was a gas station and a big field I was told I could never go there alone if you went back there today would it be the same no sure it's all different and built up that's the saying you can't go home again because it isn't there anymore pictured on my scale I migrated through an endless flat Space full of endless new things forests mountains Tundra Canyons my memory sees what I saw then my eye sees freeways urban sprawl Big Macs under the Eiffel Tower early on the world got bigger and bigger and then think what I've had to unlearn learn and now you're moving on as you've said this talk of mine not aging when that happens I move on well it might make sense to set up your next identity your next 10 years and then just drop into it I've done that a few times even past is my own son oh you're an engineer too you're Ben's son he was a good man saves trouble with credentials and references on the other hand I've been busted a few times spent a year in jail Belgium 1862. I won't forget that for faking a government application when did you come to America 1890 right after Van Gogh's death with some French immigrants moving on an answer for every question except one John why are you doing this om maybe not such a good idea I wanted to say goodbye to you as me not what you thought I was well since this isn't funny we think you might have a problem a very serious problem I've got boxes to move I'll give you a hand would you have some Relic an artifact reminded of your early life like this maybe Thrift Shop really if you lived a hundred A Thousand Years what do you still have this what would cause you to keep it there's a Memento to your Beginnings even if you didn't have the concept at the beginning it would be gone lost no I don't have artifacts keep that interesting you could have lied about that don't talk about me while I'm gone thank you is he serious if he is I'm sorry to say he's oh how could you he doesn't appear to be dangerous what are you doing checking for a hidden mic Candid Camera he's fabricating these stories I've never seen him acting like this oh it's crazy all right all right well as soon as you can then ah I love you you know I know since my first week at the office and I care very much about you but now you know what you're beginning into do you really think you're a caveman do you could you love me don't you believe in that anymore I've gotten over too many times fond of you certainly attracted to you that's it I can work with that what I'm saying is true you and any children will age I won't and one day I'll leave about your May December romances the simple fact is I can't give you forever how long's forever whoever really has it my parents split up before I was born and then my mom's next marriage that lasted what a whole three years then there's death illness acts of God [Music] no one knows how long they have or how little [Music] I love you take whatever you can give like 10 years oh why did you do that I want to see how fast you were check your reflexes I don't have eyes in the back of my head I can't hear a flea walking I am not in any way Superman yeah well I'm a second degree black belt give it another Thousand Years yeah I got it I got it Jesus move demonstration Harry sit on it Dan I still have questions yeah I do too John I mean are are we done with prehistory yet or remember any of your original language a little one thing hasn't changed much did you ever do any cave art you know the rock art delays is he it was the work of a man named be wrong he did a pretty good job he would draw the animals that we hope to find to eat one day after a fruit was hunt our chief stormed his teeth out because his magic had failed him after that someone had to chew his food for him finally he got I suspect infected jaw he was abandoned awful you have to know what to kill is this why all your students say your knowledge of history is so amazing no that's mostly based on study remember one man one place at a time my solitary viewpoint of a world I knew almost nothing about let's talk about what you say you do know about historical times don't encourage him next few thousand years he got warmer a few thousand years see now I I know you're guessing can't get there from here or well then pray continue we hunted reindeer mammoths bison Horses The Gamer treated northward is the climate change you got the idea of growing food rather than Gathering it raising animals rather than hunting them and am I getting warm here I bet I am Lakeside living becomes commonplace fishing finally come on John this is out of any textbook even yours you got most of it right eventually I headed to the east I grown curious about the world I had gotten the hang of going it alone learning how to fit in when I wanted to ease towards the Rising Sun yes I thought it might be warmer there that's what I saw an emotion Mediterranean probably it was around the beginning of the Bronze Age so I followed the trade routes from the East copperton learning languages as I went everywhere creation myths New Gods so many so different I finally realized that it was probably all hogwash so I was Sumerian for 2 000 years then finally Babylonian under Hammurabi great man and I sound as a Phoenician for a Time see moving on had been easier as a hunter-gatherer difficult when Villages emerged tougher still in city-states where Authority was centralized strangers were suspect seemed as though I was always moving on I learned some new tricks even faked my death a couple of times I continued East to India luckily at the time of the Buddha luckily most extraordinary man I've ever known he taught me things I'd never thought about before you studied with the Buddha until he died he knew there was something different about me I never told him this is fascinating I almost wish it were true yeah if it was true why are you telling us I mean we might leave here today we'll go out there tell everybody they would vanish in disbelief story that goes around the room no credibility even if I could make you believe me in a month you wouldn't some of you would call me a psychopath others would be angry at a pointless joke well John some of us are angry now this this was a bad idea uh I love you all and I do not want to put you through anything then why are you doing it because I wanted to say goodbye as yourself well I think you've done that whoever that self is easy it is but just creating his homework I see what's going on here playing the good cop damn that's fine just enjoy it right I think this whole thing is just a crock I should leave but I'm gonna stay you know why because I want to see what the hell this is all about yeah so do I what is this all about well let's ask Dr Freud who's just arrived hey Will well all right Sean I'm glad I caught you someone mentioned that you were leaving Claudia told you that I've lost it glad you're here things are going in unexpected directions yes so uh here hi are you hungry ah thank you now whiskey Johnny Walker Green Oh yes you look very familiar my dear Linda Murphy I'm in your Tuesday Cyclone class Dr Gruber ah well there's less than maybe something I could not have imagined I regret being so obvious about this John but these people are all very concerned for you yes I'm cutting out paper dinosaurs I really wish I'd been here from the beginning me too and let me just say something right now I mean there's absolutely no way in the whole world for John to prove his story to us it's just like there's no way for us to disprove it no matter how outrageous we think it is no matter how highly trained some of us think we are there's absolutely no way to disprove it our friend is either a caveman liar or not so while we're thinking about that why don't we just go with it I mean hell who knows he might jolt us into believing him but we might jolt him back to reality believing who's reality so you're a caveman yes uh I was the cro-magnet I think you don't know if you're a caveman or not well no I'm sure about that a cro-magnet then when did you first realize this when the cro-magnet was first identified when anthropology gave them a name I had mine well please continue I'm sure you must have more to say would you like for me to lie on the couch doctor as you wish as a physician I'm curious in this enormous lifetime you described have you ever been ill sure as much as anyone seriously ill sometime of what do you know in prehistory I can't tell you maybe pneumonia once or twice last few hundred years I've gotten over typhoid yellow fever smallpox I survived at the black plague bubonic well that's terrible where Southern history describes and smallpox but you're not scarred I don't scar no John that is not possible please let's take John's story at face value and explore it from that perspective if he doesn't scar it's no stranger than the rest of it John would you please stop by my lab before you take off suffer a few tests from your uh your friendly neighborhood biologist I'm learning of labs afraid I might go in and stay for a thousand years while cigarette smoking men try to figure me out you don't think that I would betray you in any way yeah walls have ears medical tests might be a way of proving what you say I don't want to prove it so you're telling us this the yarn of the century and you don't care if we believe it or not I guess I shouldn't have expected you to you're not as crazy as you think I am amen I've always liked you well thank you dear well that's changing oh surely you don't believe this nonsense I think we should remain courteous to someone who we've known and trusted Edith here you said you can't break his story all you can do is thumb your nose at it is that what you're doing John are you laughing at us inside I wish you didn't feel that way well what you're saying it offends common sense so does relativity quantum mechanics that's the way nature works what's your your story doesn't fit into nature as we know it but we know so little Dan we know solar I mean how many of you know five Geniuses in your field that you disagree with one you would like to strangle strangle them all right and it's bad enough we have to listen to Harry's idiotic jokes thank you very much Edith maybe when I'm 110 I'll be as smart as you are if you lived as long as John did you still wouldn't grow up oh come on guys take it easy how often do we get to meet s Edith all right a guy with your mind you would have studied a great deal I have 10 degrees including all of yours except yours will that makes me feel a trifle little pushery let's start with a span of 170 years I got my biology degree at Oxford in 1840. so I'm a little behind the times the same in other answers I can't keep up with the new stuff that comes along no one can not even in their specialty so much for the myth of the Super Wise all-knowing Immortal did I see your points on no matter how long a man lives he can't be in advance of his times he can't know more than the best of the race knows if that I mean when the world under it was around you learned it it took some time news traveled slowly before Communications were fancy they were social obstacles preconceptions screams from the church 10 doctors that's impressive John did you teach them some you might have all done the same living 14 000 years didn't make me a genius I just had time you can't see it you can't hear it you can't wait we can't measure it in a laboratory it is those detective sense of becoming what we are instead of what we were a nanosecond ago becoming what we will be in another nanosecond the whole BC times landscape existing before and behind us and we move we move through it slice by slice clocks measure time well they measure themselves the objective reference of a clock is another clock and very interesting what has it got to do with John he he might be a man who lives outside of time as we know it yes uh well people do go around armed these days if I shot you John you're Immortal would you survive this I never said I was Immortal just old I might die and you could wander the rest of your incarcerated life what you shot oh may I preferable to a gun well that was a bit much books doctorates yes you have grown and changed but there is always innate nature wouldn't you be more comfortable squatting in the backyard sometimes I do well look up at the stars wonder and what did primitive man make of them a great mystery there were Gods up there again shamans who knew about them told us they still do have you ever wished it would end no 14 000 years injuries illness disasters you've survived them all you're a very lucky man come in Sean Holden yes charity no we're here to pick up the furniture it's all yours and here take this chair I'm gonna go drink in the corner you're donating it everything I'll get more you always traveled as life it's the only way to move oh you've talked to a good deal about your extraordinary amount of living what do you think of dying John do you fear death I wouldn't how did primitive man regard death we had the Practical concept he stopped fell down didn't get up started smell bad come apart injuries we we could understand if someone's insides are all over the ground infections they were mysterious aging biggest mystery of all you realize you were different uh longer to realize how I was different to find a way to synthesize my experience into a view of myself at first I thought everybody had something wrong with them they got old and they died animals too but not me oh forgive me my dear you live simply I've owned castles but if I leave a lot if you're always leaving I have money once you get into a T and T at 50 cents John as one grows older the days weeks months go buy more quickly what is the day or a year or Century mean to you the birth death cycle turbulence I meet someone want a name say a word they're gone others come like waves rise fall ripples in a wheat field blown by the wind you ever get tired of it all I get bored now and then they keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over hey then you see yourself as separate from the rest of humanity I didn't mean it that way but of course I am are you comfortable knowing that you have lived while everyone you knew everyone you knew John has died I've regretted losing people often have you ever felt guilt about that something akin to survivor's guilt in the strict psychological sense I suppose I have yeah what can I do about it indeed I'm sorry man gentlemen I I'm Gonna Keep the couch thanks ladies will oh you've got a heart condition don't Grump about hey how about changing the subject well enough with the uh with the diet but this is the flip side of his coin Harry I'm very curious to know his feelings would you prefer I asked him about his father I thought you only started with tell me about your mother yes but pre-history was strongly patriarchalant surely you remember your father I seem to remember a figure perhaps an older brother a social father maybe well no matter I could scarcely remember my do you feel a vacancy in your life about that John something you wish could be filled by a face a voice an image not at this late day there must be someone probably many that you valued intensely loved you saw them age and die a friend a colleague a wife certainly you've had wives and children I'd move on I had to move on making him history is the biggest biggest have you ever in your life thought it should have been me maybe your artist told me that some of your early fellows feared you were stealing their lives have you thought that perhaps you were perhaps you are there have always been Legends of such a thing a creature not quite human taking not the blood but the life force itself my God will unconsciously perhaps by some biological or psychic mechanism that we can only guess at I'm not saying you would do such a thing deliberately I'm not saying that you would even know how to would you but would such a thing be fair so you believe me then I'm only exploring what you have said whether I believe it or not is of no importance we will die you will live will you come to my funeral John great well you've gone too far John didn't ask to be what he is and we did not ask to hear about it but if it were true is there one Among Us who would not feel Envy even perhaps a touch of hatred you told us of yourself John can you imagine how we feel I never thought of that since you may not die while me most assuredly will there must be a reason for that no perhaps you are an expert um that's it Mr Oldman have a good one thank you you too but are you a vampire John even an unknowing one do you stand alive and tall in a graveyard that you helped to fill that's going too far the board perhaps lonely because your heart cannot keep its Treasures is that what you're doing have you led a wrongful life well and perhaps it is time to die I know oh look I don't know what John is doing but I sure as hell don't like what you're doing now you give me that gun or I'm gonna break your goddamn arm some like our football coach Dan what do you think John a shot to the arm perhaps he could watch it heal a bullet in the head what exactly will happen I have papers to correct as much as I disliked that job it will be preferable to this I leave you with it Jesus Christ what the hell was that all about where'd he get a gun we had a you on the ropes John you're really so damn smart it's not like will Mary passed away yesterday who his wife she had uh pancreatic cancer well I didn't know about Mary I'm sorry I could see how this might have hit you please permit me to be infantiled by myself well please [Music] what the hell are you thinking art oh come how come something had to be done I have to say I agree and he's our friend whatever else on Earth is going on he's our friend are you sure about that why the hell are you being so hard on him one of my favorite people has disappeared can can you get Alzheimer's at 35 maybe I'm trying to wake him up maybe I'm too sad to cry what I said about myself hurt him he struck back expertly that's stuff about stealing life forces I've always wondered about the reasons well 11 afternoon to kill right charades no John I have a charade and it's just for you all right uh Sandy come here now come on come on come on come on okay this one's for you all right ready foreign my first wedding there you go there you go very good and I bet at least one of us is your direct descendant and I'd even send a Christmas card Christmas card what about a birthday card and don't even get me started on the candles with the blowing for years with the blowing all right I tried the love call me underdeveloped but I'd like to hear more me too more you double damn swear this isn't some Cocker made me science fiction story or you're pulling arms next question you you realize this is an invitation to men in white suits with happy pills okay well think about it a mechanism allowing survival for thousands of years run out of room even faster well they would have to go to Mars as a colony as we expand it as we'd have to I'd like that on a planet of another star envy you they were a little bit before my time at least something is no doubt you could give us a thousand details John corroborating your story from the Madeleine to the Buddha to now ten thousand and you could say out of the books it's getting chilly here come over here joining oh that uh raises an interesting question John could there be others like you who escaped the aging process that you have representing something terrific we don't even know about biology learning all the time yeah but how do you know he doesn't wear an armband an ID badge saying yeah there was a man in the 1600s that I met where were you in 1292 A.D where were you a year ago on this date anyway it's the 1600s I met a man and I had a hunch that he was like me so I told her ah see you you said this was a first I forgot a crack in your story time A Touch of senility anyway he said yes but from another time another place we talked for two days it was all pretty convincing that we couldn't be sure we each confirmed what the others said but how do we know if the confirmation was genuine or an echo I knew I was kosher but I thought maybe he's playing a game on me you know a scholar of all we spoke about he said he was inclined at the same reservation oh that's interesting just as we can never be sure even if we wanted to I mean if we were sure you couldn't be sure of that we parted agreeing to keep in touch of course we didn't and 200 years later I thought I saw him at a train station in Brussels lost him in the Crowd Oh what a shame I mean if it were true okay here's one for you what do you do in your spare time oh every 50 years or so when I want to get away from the rush I go down to A Primitive tribe in New Guinea where I'm worshiped as an immortal God they have a huge statue off me it's a big party I got a lot of pictures of it but I've already packed them up I'm sorry I won't make the obvious nasty crack about more unwashed cavemen actually bathing was the style into the Middle Ages and the church told us it was sinful to wash away God's dirt so people were sewn into their underwear in October and they popped out in April you said you just happened story's true why did God allow you to happen that makes an interesting point are you religious John I don't follow a known religion no ever a long time ago I did like most people some just never get over it you believe in God as LaPlace said I have no need of that hypothesis you may be around though he's everywhere people just can't see him this was the best I could do I'd be hiding too and creation it's here I'm not so sure it was created what then maybe it's just accumulated Fields affecting Fields what about the source of the field energies wouldn't that imply a prime mover I'd wonder about the source of the prime mover infinite regress but that doesn't imply anything to me back to the mystery it's a very old question but there's no answer except in religious terms if you have faith it's answered did you ever meet any person from our religious history a Biblical figure in a way oh we should skip this one no no no skip but come on next question no come on come on spit it out good Lord you were one of them this is going in a direction I that I I I didn't expect I hope it wouldn't we call it a night come on you were someone in religious history yes in the Bible yes someone we know how could we not know someone in the Bible I mean somebody important you may think you know him but it's mostly myth the entire Bible is is mostly myth and allegory with maybe some basis in historical events but you were part of that history Moses Moses was based on mises a Syrian myth and their earlier versions are all found floating on water staff that changed to a snake Waters that were parted so followers could be led to freedom and even receive laws on Stone and wooden tablets one of the Apostles they weren't really Apostles they didn't do any real teaching Peter the fisherman learned a little more about fishing how do you know that the mythical overlay is so enormous and not good the truth is so so simple the New Testament 100 words or less you ready I don't think I want to hear this Harry will you take me home no not right now I do want to hear this sit down eat it yeah like you believe him it's not going to be sacrileged she hasn't said anything yet the new New Testament test there's been a dozen new New Testaments from Hebrew to Greek to Latin to Tyndale all the way to King James I'll be visionist and all called revealed truth I mean a new New Testament in a hundred words I can give you the Ten Commandments in ten words don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't the Commandments are just modern updates of more ancient laws Hammurabi's code that's right and they weren't the first right Edith I was raised on the Torah my wife in the Quran my oldest son is an atheist my youngest is a Scientologist my daughter is studying Hinduism I imagine but there is room there for a holy war in my living room but we practice Live and Let Live what is your preferred version of the Bible the King James of course it's the most modern the work of great Scholars modern is good all right John hit us with the short form liked what he heard thought about it for a while it's like 500 years while he returned to the Mediterranean became an Etruscan leaked into the Roman Empire he didn't like what they became giant killing machine he went to the nearest thinking why not pass the Buddha's teachings on in a modern form so he tried one dissident against Rome one the rest is history sort of on a fairy tales mixed in I knew it he's saying he was Christ oh no that's the medal they pinned on Jesus to fulfill prophecy the crucifixion he blocked the pain as he learned to do in tibetan India he also learned to slow his body processes down to the point where they were undetectable they thought he was dead so his father was pulled him from the cross placed him in a cave his body normalized as he had trained it to he attempted to go away and detect it but some devotees were standing watch tried to explain they were ecstatic thus I was resurrected and I ascended to Central Europe to get away as far as possible you don't mean oh God why are you doing this let me see your wrists I don't scar besides they tied me but nails and blood make better religious art all the speculations about Jesus he was black he was Asian he was a blue-eyed Aryan with a golden beard and hair straight out of it Alice assumes he was a benevolent alien he never existed at all now he's caveman Christ figure goes all the way back to Krishna Hercules of course Hercules born of a virgin alchemony a God for a father Zeus the only begotten savior the Greek soter the Good Shepherd the Prince of Peace bringing gentle persuasion and divine wisdom he died joined his father on Olympus a thousand years before Gethsemane how you compare Pagan mythology to the true word damn closely I'd say the early Christian leaders they threw away Hebrew manuscripts and borrowed from Pagan sources all over the place do you realize how inconsiderately you're treating my feelings yeah about as inconsiderately as we're treating jobs because he doesn't believe what he's saying do you believe literally everything in the Bible Edith yes before you say it I know it's undergone a lot of changes but God has spoken through man to make his word clearer he couldn't get it right the first time we're imperfect he had to to work to make us understand he couldn't get us right the first time Edith taken along the philosophical teachings of Jesus are Buddhism with a Hebrew accent kindness tolerance Brotherhood love a ruthless realism acknowledging that life is as it is here on Earth Here and Now the kingdom of God meaning goodness is is right here or it should be I am what I am becoming that's where the Buddha brought it and that's what I taught but a talking snake made a lady eat an apple so we're screwed Heaven and Hell were peddled so priests could rule through seduction and Terror sail our souls that we never lost in the first place I threw a clean pass they ran it out of the ballpark been said that Buddha and Jesus would laugh or cry if they known what was done in their name and if there is a Creator you'd probably feel the same way I see ceremony ritual processions genuflecting moaning and toning venerating cookies and wine and I think it's not what I had in mind that's Vatican clap doodle it doesn't have a thing to do with God as you said John everywhere religions from exalting life to purging joy as a sin Rome does it as grand opera simple path to goodness needs a supernatural vote Supernatural a stupid word I mean anything that happens happens within nature whether we believe it or not like a 14 000 year old caveman I I drove for a while and then I sat for a while I'm so ashamed and I'm freezing we'll come inside I still don't believe you of course you need help everybody needs help yes well some more than others foreign [Music] from the Buddha to the cross I have always imagined both his entirely Mythic yeah but I would like to hear more may I lie on the couch for a moment I'm not as young as I used to be oh so you were Jesus well perhaps somebody had to be For Better or For Worse the jury is still out when did you begin to believe you were Jesus when did you begin to believe you were a psychiatrist since I graduated Harvard Medical School and finished my residency I've had that feeling well I sometimes dream about it have you acted upon this belief I had a private practice for a while and then I taught nothing unusual until one day I met a caveman who thought he was Jesus do you find that unusual very I would stake my reputation he is as sane as I am so why does he persist in such a story there must be a reason though unless I imagined it all is that possible I think you're ashamed as he is oh God I no did you ever find it prudent to worship yourself rather than be thought a heretic that would be something other times Christianity was considered heresy I had to pretend other faiths and what does Jesus have to say to those present to find it difficult to believe in him believe in what he tried to teach without rigmarole piety is not what the lessons bring to people it's the mistake they're bring to the lessons well it's getting to be night I still have stuff to carry a long drive I'll help John do you have a destination in mind never mind I'm on us thank you anyone mentally ill can imagine a fantastic background even an entire life and sincerely believe it the man who thinks he is Napoleon does believe it his true identity has taken a back seat to his delusion and the need for it if that's the case with John there is a grave disorder organized brilliantly you've got an answer for everything it might involve rejection of his father of his entire early past replaced by this fantasy he says he can't remember his father yeah precisely why you said he was sane did I do you think that perhaps our caveman has a monkey on his back drugs no no no no I've done a lot of Consulting work with the Narcotics Division I've seen people tripping strung out whatever's up with John it isn't that I've looked for signs none cavemen really talk well we think that language came into existence 60 000 years ago the structure of Stone Age culture is evidence of the ability to communicate verbally oh maybe it'd be easier if I were crazy no [Music] foreign [Music] attempt to teach Buddhism in the West no wonder he failed we're not ready for it we're talking as if you believed it well it is possible I mean anything is possible look we have two simple choices we can get all bent out of shape and electrolyze and go bench pressing logic or we can simply relax and enjoy it I can listen critically but I don't have to make up my mind about anything what do you think you do well unfortunately there's no authorities on prehistory so we couldn't stop him there there are experts on the Bible Dream On yeah that's the Lost Years of Jesus and he didn't exist until John put on a hat I don't believe in angels and the Nativity and the star in these but there are stories about the childhood of Jesus history hates a vacuum improvisation some of it very sincere fills the gaps it would have been easy to falsify a past back then a few words credulity time would do the rest no you're talking as if you believed him well look at the popular myths surrounding the Kennedy assassination in a few short years he had a conspiracy Mafia CIA that's a Mystique that'll never go away and it's always been a small step from a Fallen leader to a god I don't think anybody will DFI Kennedy were more sophisticated than that we are we are well you're finally fulfilling one prophecy about the Millennium John what's that here we are again you like the fire John everyone I've lived I've had a fireplace childhood fixation I guess helps me feel secure there are predators out there one thing I didn't pack I thought I might need it [Music] wouldn't Sakurai do pretor be more appropriate what you got four men of science completely baffled my friend but we don't know what to make of you did you know Voltaire was the first to suggest that the Universe was created by a gigantic explosion not that Paul would agree and then go to was the first to suggest that spiral nebulae were swirling masses of stars We Now call them galaxies kind of funny how often new concepts of science find their first tentative forms of expression in the Arts so did Beethoven do physics on the side he spent most of his time lying on the floor in front of his legless piano surrounded by orange peels and apple cores now we were on the floor listening to Beethoven full circle did you have um any religious beliefs or did you give it much thought you can't get that with thought you have faith and a lot of things do you have faith in the future of the race I've seen species come and go depends on their balance with the environment we've made a mess of it there's still time we use it well Christianity has been a worldwide belief for two thousand years how long did the Egyptians worship Isis and the Sumerians Ishtar in India sacred cows wandered freely as reincarnated souls in a thousand years they'll be barbecued their souls will be in squirrels you weren't Jesus oh yes it rains it won't how do you know that they don't smell it were you I guess so medicine man I was ashamed a few times I revealed some truths to eat a little better you think that's all religion is about selling hope and survival the Old Testament sells fear and guilt the New Testament is a good code of ethics put into my mouth by Poets and philosophers that are much smarter than I am the message is never practiced fairy tales built churches what about the name Jesus did you pull that out of a hat I called myself John I almost always do there's Tales of Resurrection spread the name was confused with the Hebrew Johanna meaning God is gracious my stay on Earth was seen as Divine proof of immortality that led to God is salvation or Hebrew Yeshua which in Translation became a proper name changing to late Greek esus been to late Latin Jesus finally medieval Latin Jesus and it was a Wonder to watch it all happen and you didn't claim to be the Son of God it began as a Schoolhouse and ended as a temple I said I had a master that was greater than myself I never said he was my father I wanted to teach what I learned I never claimed to be king of the Jews I never Walked on Water I never raised the Dead I never spoke a Divine except in the sense of human goodness on Earth foreign medicine I'd learned [Music] that's it [Music] three wise men began as a myth about the birth of the Buddha John I should be home kissing my wife foreign trapped by your story hoping for uh resolution I don't know are there any uh more Revelations for us [Music] it's just like old times you weren't Jesus [Music] quote The Sermon on the Mount which one Darby King James new American Standard do you know them all no one knows the one not even me I did some teaching on a hill one day not that many people stayed but biblical Jesus said who do you think I am he gave them a choice I'm giving you one who are you if I said no could you ever be sure [Music] turn that off please this has gone far enough it's gone much too far these people are very upset I don't believe you're mad but what you're saying is not true that leaves only one explanation the time has come when you must admit this is a hoax a lie isn't that true John if you don't drop this now if you can I'll be convinced that you need a great deal of attention I can have you committed for observation you know that I ask you now I demand it that you tell these people the truth give them closure it's time John please end of the line everybody off story it was all a story oh good God all of it but why what in the name Evan John you had us wondering whether you were sane or not and it's just a story where'd you come up with such a half-baked asinine idea at least you relieved I met a nut I'd prefer you were you gave me the idea all of you come again he just saw my fake fan go you could have just told me he commented that I never age you gave me the book on early man Dan you spotted the bird and you said if Stones could speak I knew it I got the notion I ran it past you to check your reactions and I I took it too far too far check my reaction you asked if I was a figure from religious history if there were others like me if I had created future identities we were chasing our tails around the maypole enjoying the mystery the analytical stretch you were playing my game I was playing yours oh man you know you had us going right oh you look good man you know those Chinese boxes one inside the other inside the other inside the other I feel like I'm in a I'm in the last box you son of a how could you do this to us I was worried about you I know I was tempted to cop out many times but I couldn't resist seeing whether or not you could refute what I was saying I had the perfect audience Anthropologist archaeologist Christian literalist a psychologist okay I've had enough of this I'm not here you want to come let's go so John you're going to write the story if I do I'll send you copies don't bother with mine okay you are absolutely certifiable I don't know you it was nice seeing you again Dr Oldman your name's a pun isn't it old man did that help you with your story Linda well it was half right which well at least I don't have to throw away half of what I know about biology what'd you have a beautiful idea so rich perhaps you should write a paper on a doctor maybe I will I'll interview you in the rubber room for further details you may still need help my friend my ass I thought it sounded pretty good uh they believe you because they have to but the one thing that I know about you is that you would never use people or abuse their Goodwill and intelligence like they think you've just done to them psych 101 no it's woman one-on-one so you're a pretty fast liar Mr Ugg but I want to know what's your real name believe it or not sound was always John why'd you cave to Gruber what happened was enough just just needed to stop I I shouldn't have expected it to work 14 000 years old I bet that's a lot of women are we counting Maybe well I'm taking Edith Home City I'm gonna stay are you sorry for some of those things you said I'm sorry I said them well a good Christian Life oh Sean you did a terrible thing but we're all so thankful you're all right even art he just hates things I can't understand you're a sadist John did I admit I got a kick out of chasing my tail around your maple even if that is all I caught good luck to you wish you the best thank you ready later on okay good night I don't know man something about this what about Utah the more I think about it the more I'm no longer in that Chinese box I sense space got a latitude of what we happily call reality in which as everybody keeps saying anything's possible yes no no no no no no no no no no more words I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna watch Star Trek for a dose of sanity good luck to you man whoever this may lead to you dropped me alive sometime let me know how you make it I will so John Oldman what other pun names have you used Lots John Paley for John Paleolithic John Savage got really crazy about 60 years ago when I was teaching at Harvard I was John Thomas party John T party Boston Tea Party I get it yeah I know wait wait wait Boston 60 years ago John partee [Music] you did not teach chemistry I I do not believe you your mother's name was Nova no yeah no yeah yes Nola bye I reject this bye my my dog's name we had it before I was born she remarried she said you abandoned us sorry I had to move on you know that I left enough uh Coke Chilly Willy always cold never could stand in the cold you you had a beer well oh God 9-1-1 now come on will come on buddy [Music] foreign [Music] child die no [Music] thank you [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] thank you [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] only friend [Music] nothing lasts forever [Music] is the way I feel for you forever [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] nothing lasts forever [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] the way I feel for you [Music] [Music] foreign