We should talk. I want to talk about... We need to talk about consent.
Which may seem hard. It's not really everybody's favorite subject. It's not really a sexy word. I don't feel like they use it a lot.
Like we're getting something notarized. It sounds very formal. Sign here, here, and here. Something you hear on the news.
But we should. Be talking about it. Because this...
...and initial three times here... ...is the wrong way to think about it. Consent is more than just a legal term.
It's not a box to check or something to get out of the way. It's about respect and listening. It's communicating openly. And it's how to have good sex. I'd like to talk about that.
Really good sex. I vote we talk about that. And we will, but first let's get some things clear. Consent means you have ownership over your own body. You have agency.
All the time. And nothing can ever change that. Not what you wear, not what you've been drinking, not where you are or what time it is.
Nothing. Consent is something you own and share. And you always have the right to choose what you share.
Just because you give consent to one thing doesn't mean that somebody has full reign of your body. And you can always change your mind. If you don't like what's happening anymore, it's perfectly fine to stop.
Peace out. Gotta go. You don't owe anyone anything. And it's okay to say no to some things and yes to others.
Communicating ensures that everybody is safe and feels respected. It's also the key to great sex. Because sex should be good.
And good sex is great. Like real. You feel good about it the next day.
Clouds opening up. And the day after that. Completely in tune with the other person. I'll do that again.
I'll do that again right now. So, how do we do that? How do you know you have consent?
You gotta pay attention. Sometimes it's verbal. Yes.
No. Those are pretty clear-cut. Sometimes it's physical. You're really vibing with someone.
Returning loving touches. Guiding each other. Reciprocating.
Communicate with your partner. Or partners. Right. Communicate with them about what you like or don't like. How are you feeling?
How are they feeling? Do they seem conflicted, uncomfortable, or tense? Or even scared? Check in. And if you're not sure, ask.
Is this okay? Can I do this? If not, they'll be glad you asked. Because that's kind of sexy, actually.
Help your partner by being clear about your consent. No, I don't want that. Why don't we try something else? Let's stop.
You don't have to feel shy or worried about what they'll think. No one wants to have bad sex. So guide them, let them know what you like.
And if you don't know, you could find out together. Being open and building trust can help you try new things. And new things can be very fun. Ask him. Ask her.
Ask them. And listen. If you take care of them, they can take care of you. It's pretty nice to be taken care of. Consent is mutual communication.
If it's not mutual or if your partner cannot communicate actively. Because they're asleep or passed out. If they're intoxicated or high. And that's not consent. End of story.
Your standards for sex can and should be higher than just not a felony. Find out what consent means to you and your partner. Know what you need to feel comfortable and to enjoy sex. Make sure your partner respects that. And that you respect your partner.
Consent is not just a question of legality. That's just who has permission to do what. It's the basis for a healthy and happy sex life. Whether you're having sex or not. And it's okay if you are.
And it's okay if you're not. Everybody's okay. The only thing that's not okay is someone else making that choice for you. If you have any questions. If you feel like you're in a gray area.
Or to learn how NYU defines consent. You can go to nyu.edu slash sexual dash respect. Or check out the Center for Sexual Misconduct Support Services. Let's talk about consent.
Because we have to. Because we need to. And because we want to.