guys the audio for my special Lefty sun is out I've released it as an album it is available on audio everywhere iTunes Spotify you name it it's out there go check it out and support my special on YouTube thank you I'm very excited to announce that we have partnered with Spotify it changes absolutely nothing for you the added benefit though is that you now get video on Spotify you're going to get the Honeydew audio and video on Spotify we're very excited to partner with Spotify it changes absolutely nothing for you you're not having to pay for anything or anything nothing's behind a pay wall none of that you're just now able to get audio and video on Spotify so go subscribe to the Honeydew on Spotify today the Honeydew with ran [Music] sickler welcome back to the Honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan Studios I am Ryan sickler Ryan sickler dcom Ryan sickler on all your social media and I want to say thank you thank you to everybody that supports this show however you support this show if you're listening if you're watching uh whether you're new here or whether you've been here or whether you go back to the feast thank you for you supporting me I love my job and I probably just got demonetized for saying that right there but I love my job and I love it cuz you guys and look if you have to have more I'm telling you you have to check out the patreon it's called the Honeydew with y'all and it's this version with y'all and y'all have the wildest stories anyone's ever heard they don't stop hitting us they don't stop coming it's five bucks a month that's it there's no tears none of that stuff five bucks you get the entire Library not just a month everything thing hundreds of episodes for five bucks a month all right and if you're looking for a new podcast to listen to go listen to my old podcast to crab Feast that library that podcast has been dead almost five six years and it's going to do over a million downloads feaster nation is still strong it's an audio podcast from back in the day and it's got everyone you love in podcasting soora ker bitki Bill Burr everybody they're all there with different stories so go check it out and come see me on tour if I'm in your town when you're around come out check me out the live and Al live tour I'll be in La Hoya California October 20th through the 22nd I'll be in Salt Lake City the 27th and 28th of October bavia Illinois November 10th and 11th and then closing out the year December 8th and 9th in San Francisco California that's it that's the biz you guys know what we're doing over here I always say we highlight the low lights and I always say these are the stories behind the story tellers and I'm very excited to have this guest on today ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Jason Muse welcome to the Honeydew yay thank you you clapped yourself in bro yeah you you look good in lavender too man you do you're a dad you're looking good bro I look I told you I met you outside I saw you huge fan stoked that you're doing this uh but before we get into your story please plug promote everything and anything you would like um so we Kevin Smith and are doing h a uh a cruise which I'm I'm EXC I've never done a cruise before I've never been on a cruise that is me either um and I've been a little little I never gone because I've been a little worried about getting out there but but I think it'll be fun uh it's it's going to be February 23rd uh to the 26th I want to make sure I don't mess this up uh of next year uh and it will be from Miami uh to Nassau Bahamas so February 23rd to 26 um and there we're going to do our podcast the one we we don't do it anymore but Kevin and I used to do Jay and S Bob get old we're going to have podcast Hollywood Babylon fat man beyond Ed vacation there's going to be uh standup comedy tournaments um there's G to be live music Solo's going to be there Sol you know clerk soundtrack so there's GNA be live music uh some some uh poker tournaments with everyone on board uh stand up com I'm excited I think it'll be fun because I don't drink uh and I'm sober and stuff and I don't I can't imagine going on a cruise where everyone's partying and doing stuff I'm not saying there people won't be drinking a little bit but I feel like there's GNA be so many things going on I'll be able to keep busy and do fun things and are you worried about that have you been in an environment like that since I mean you're in a [ __ ] crack house on the water basically yeah yeah no you know what I'm saying like that's a drug B well the good news is though I feel like you know my main drug is is either you know let's say crack and heroin opiates um and I feel like people don't really share that it's not like they're on the boat smoking crack you know exactly it's mainly weed yeah exactly never again I remember I remember I used to be dope sick and I'm like I wish someone would share with me but I mean constantly people like you want to smoke some weed you want to drink but again and I like those but I I don't crave them and I don't like it's not hard to be like you know I can't get there because if I start that then I'm going to get to the other you now let me ask you this cuz if you're an addict I'm just curious how that crosses cuz we're going to get into this yeah but um gambling you said was going to be on the boat do you do you do you have cuz I'm not an addict when it comes to gambling I don't go onl but when I go to Vegas my ego is like we can win we can do it I'm like no we can't but I'll [ __ ] I'll I'll go way more than I should if I'm there I've been good if I'm there I've been you know I have this thing where it's like don't get me wrong there's been a few times where I feel like I'll keep buying in and or if I'm playing Blackjack I'll buy but I feel like 300's using my limit and I think that I've gotten the most I've lost is maybe a thousand and then I like hit it I was like that's it I can't lose more so and I and it bugs me enough that I can stop like again so I'm not worried about that and I don't you know and on the boat we're going to be doing more of a tournament I think we're going to be doing like prizes and stuff so I feel like tournaments are definitely more fun you can buy in a couple times um I'm also we're going to be try I'm trying to get see if it's possible and get together um a gaming tournament so I've been TW the one other thing I want to plug is my twitch twitch.tv juse so I've been streaming on Twitch for three years I play games I unbox things um and it's live and anyway twitch.tv juse but I'm hoping to like try to get a gaming tournament on the boat a bunch of people from my stream I don't have a whole lot but I have a couple hundred people each time I sign on that watch live and stuff and a bunch of them were coming on the cruise so I'm hoping to get that together um but I don't know it'll be fun so but yeah the cruise is February 23rd 26 and you could it'll be fun so come I I think it'll be great Jason Lee will be there Ethan SLE Dante brandle which is Brian oh' Haller and Jeff Anderson from clerks um and Clerks 2 and clerks 3 whatever um but yeah I it's going to be a blast hell yeah so it'll be fun well let's talk about your life a little and how you got here clean and sober and everything cuz it starts in Jersey I know you're a jersey guy you're are you 50 now too 49 49 you're about to be 50 you have an eight-year-old girl yep and you I I don't know why I thought it was a seven-year-old but you just said you have a seven-month-old we were talking yeah so so you're about to be 50 and you have a a kid that's under one a baby yeah a baby you know a baby yeah it's tough and again it's like and it's funny cuz I almost I feel like you know it'll be easy easier you know everyone says it'll be easier but I feel like there was such a gap and I got so into the you know it's like after the baby years and like follow him around making sure they're not putting stuff in their mouth and all the crazy scary things I'm not saying there any things I worry about with my 8-year-old as you know but I feel like there was a routine it's like I wake up get her ready for school she eats breakfast brush her teeth drop her off at school I know I have and then she has activities usually after so like I drop her off at like almost 9:00 in the morning and I know that I have till like 3 or 4 to do whatever it is but now it's like now I got to rush home hey B do you need help she like yeah I need to do this this and this so you're going to watch the baby now and you know I'm going to take up for a walk sometimes he's fussy he's teething and it's uh yeah it's been interesting and and uh I'm a little little worn out some days it's funny because I it's like the double EDG short I'm I also do sorry musing stories which is my standup uh so I've been touring uh with my standup comedy I just came back from Portland uh at The Helium Comedy Club but like I hate leaving the kids cuz I miss them but then at the same time like I swear I slept 12 hours each day man it's like goes with me that's what tell her I go on the road people like you like I'm like I just go get sleep yes I just sleep I know and I feel bad I I don't really no offense I don't I mean your city's cool but I don't really give a [ __ ] about your Museum right now I'm you got to eat this food you got to eat this and then I feel bad cuz there's always like people that I'm friends with from other town so they came to my show and I'm excited they're there and I say hi to them for 10 15 minutes they're like hey you want to go do something I'm like look I'm not being rude I really want to spend time with you and hang out but I got to go to sleep man I'm going to bed yeah especially because I've noticed to like I'll wake up and go out and do a couple things maybe get some lunch and then if I don't come home and nap for some reason like right before the show I feel like all a sudden 6:00 p.m. if my shows at 7:30 I'm like I'm so tired I so now I've learned and like even if I go do stuff I'm going back to nap I'm going to go lay down at 1 nap till 4: or 5 and it's like taking nap since so it's it's uh yeah it's interesting [ __ ] speaking to my heart that's me you get in late I sleep I'm like God it's 12 I take my time getting up go out get a little bite to eat try to take a nap or at least hit the gym if I can and then yes try to get the Zone yeah it's a lot it's yeah it's not the same as back in the day when I'm like yeah I'll meet you here and we'll stay out till 2: and then oh you want to go to this place and you know it's so can I ask you a personal question you do not have to answer this is is your new baby was it intentional or were you just was it an accident okay so you both this yeah thank goodness both of them were well not thank goodness but I feel like we were just a little more prepared both of them were planned uh when I hit 40 almost it was almost my 40th birthday or what have you um my wife was uh is 13 years younger than me um and she wasn't ready up till right around my 40th birthday I'm like listen I'm 40 now like if we're going to have a kid can we have a kid and stuff and she was like oh and then she's like all right I'm ready thank goodness uh we were like all right let's start trying I'm ovulating two months into a three months we were pregnant um and that was our first one and then you know seven years or whatever it is later she's like I'm hitting 35 which I didn't know until we started trying with the doing like yeah she's like I'm I'm going to be geriatric to have a baby I'm like wait what do you mean you're 35 like I learn this too here I'm like that's an ice cold 35 to call it geriatric pregnancy yeah cuz I we had one and I don't remember them saying maybe I just don't remember it but I don't remember them using that term I feel like we were um not an elderly or Advanced or something like that I feel like this I would have been like geriatric cuz my my daughter's mother was 41 when she was born 39 when she got pregnant I was 41 yeah and yeah we're well over into a geriatric pregnancy and and and it's not 35 was the number and I was like that's so interesting and but yeah she knew and she's like I think if we're going to do it we should do it now and I was like are you sure like I won't be getting 49 and stuff um and she was like yeah like I really want one and stuff I was like all right let's do it and you know this one was a little bit longer like she even got worried at one point was like 5 months in 6 months we still weren't there yet and then uh you know we started doing some funny little things she read on the internet like I hold her by her ankles upside down trying to shake change from her Pockets uh trying to let gravity take fact and stuff but yeah after about six months so yeah both both were planned and it's funny though she was just saying yesterday which she might get mad my wife's funny cuz she thinks I'm funny but not everything I do is funny but hope hopefully she don't get mad me saying this but like uh two nights ago we had we made love and you know she hasn't she's still breastfeeding but the doc said look man you're at the months where like it could have even though you haven't had your period menstrual cycle you can get pregnant and so we've been being careful about that but last night I wasn't or the night before I wasn't careful and she's like do you want to have a third baby and I was like I don't know I was like but don't stress about it I was like I don't think my swimmers are that strong you know right now so who knows they're strong enough just 50 and you're having a baby basically and you never know but I'm just saying like I can't I tell her I'm like I wouldn't I don't think I'd hate it again I love my kids and it's such a beautiful thing but it would be a lot but I'm like I'm try we're trying not to have a third but yeah she was like can you imagine having a third it I know it sometimes I'm on the plane man I'll see a husband and wife come on with like four or five kids and I'm just like how how do they you know and they're all like you know three five eight like they're all close um anyway but yeah it's yeah people actually loved each other and put some thought and time behind family so it is it's a great thing and again I'm a little tired but it it is again having a boy and a girl's it's been awesome so um well the childhood you're giving your kids is already way different than yours so let's talk about that you're from Jersey you never knew your biological father yeah no so I have I have a brother and sister um from him as well no so we all have different fathers okay and me and my sister never met our well sorry all three of us really never met our fathers but my brother he's the oldest he's eight years older than me my sister's four years older than me but my brother uh got to meet his dad once um yeah so my mom was a dope fiend she sold drugs she used drugs she wind up dying from AIDS how old was she she was 53 53 yeah so how old were you when that happened oh I forgot it was we were just I was just looking at something the other day it was she would have been 70 something so was like 20 years ago 20 something years ago I was in my 25 I think matter of fact I know it was right after J and Bob Strikes Back which was 2001 okay um cuz I remember we came back from shooting the movie um and I took care of her for a little bit and she passed away and then I went like on a spot I was sober so you did get yeah I did get to come home take care of her for a little bit and then she passed and then like I went on a real Bender then and that sort of when the first around the first time I got soberish for like four years and um so your mom has three children three different men yes and the only one that even gave a [ __ ] for one second was your oldest brother's Dad yeah um but did you ever in your life have you ever met your Bot do you even know I don't and I the bummer is is like you want to know I would I would well I don't necessarily would want to know him like spend time with him if but I'd love to see a picture of him that's what we my main thing is I'd love to see a picture because I'm so curious plus he has and again if my mom told me the truth because again I would ask questions every once in a while and I wasn't with her um I mean it's a real so like she would get high and then she would get sober and I'd spend some time with her then she'd relapse and I go live with my grandma she then she get better so on and so so when I was younger I would start asking questions and I remember she would a um tell me like for a minute I thought his last name was stanka but I don't think it was because we researched and did all the stuff I don't believe so but anyway she had told me he um the reason they didn't stay together is because he was married and had three kids so I'm if she's telling the truth I have three sisters out there as well so he's cheating supposedly cheating on his wife with your mom finds out she's that's the case then you've got five total siblings three from this and then the brother and the sister yeah that you share your mom with yeah so that's that's another reason I would it would be awesome to be able to find him a just to find see if I see what he looks like but it would also be cool to find out if he really do well sorry if I really have half sisters do you have you done a 23 in me or anything yeah we've I've done 23 no so I've done the TW 23 and mean I haven't found anything found some cousins but always from my mom in that side but someone was telling me recently that like you have to try there's another one I guess it's a little bit older um it's like the 23 of me it's another company but my B my buddy my one of my best friends growing up he said he's the other day I we T call each other every year on our birthday we''ve known each other since we were five so even though he lives in Texas I don't see him we call each other every year and he has a family and we you know you lose touch but we call each other every year and last year when he I called him on his birthday he goes yeah I go what are you doing for your birthday he goes I'm going out with my sister I'm like you have two brothers what do you mean your sister he's like oh my God I must not have told you I found a sister my dad had when my dad and what mom got divorced he had a one he was with another woman and had a kid and it's a girl and I have a sister so anyway and then he was telling me this he found her on this site um and he was just saying it's a little it's something like what's it I forgot ancestrial doc oh yeah ancestry.com and he said that one's a little bit more use because it was around longer and he's and he told me I should sign up for that because more people use that and I have a because I'm already on 23 and me maybe I could find it but anyway yeah so it it would be interesting you should also try to figure it out just honest to God I say this all the time to all these people even if you don't ever want to speak to him do you know if he's even alive I don't you have no idea Health genetics yeah cuz that [ __ ] you're passing on to your kids too and you know what I mean like it's a lot of that [ __ ] like any kind of diseases he might have had or any of that stuff if you can find out it's just a leg up on heart disease diabetes cancer any of it you know I agree especially colon cancer testicular cancer prostate all that [ __ ] well it's funny cuz I I remember when I start growing long hair I was like man I hope I don't lose my hair and that was one of the reasons I'm like I wish I could see a picture see if my dad still has his hair you know but so what is it like being you're you're a child with no dad and your mom's a junkie and I'm sure she's out there hustling to do what she's got to do to get her fixed and to oh yeah raise you so what's that like like what are some of her hustles so I'm it's so weird cuz I forget many things growing up but one one thing I remember I swear is at clear's day we lived uh in in Highlands and I remember one one night waking up in the middle of the night coming out in the living room and my mom had like three people in the living room and there was all these tube TVs around our living room and I'm like well what's going on she said go back to bed go back to bed and then I like of course went in my room but I was listening they went to hotels and signed up in different names and it was way back with the tube not even flat screens that are exactly so they would sign in in different names and rip the TVs off the wall to sell them for real even steal the TVs from hotels and sell them yeah it's crazy and again CU it was a good and it's still that that age where it was like you know first it was like the big box TVs on the floor like that look like wooden cabinets so again there was still like you get a nice TV tube TV with the VHS V VCR inside you know you could probably get a couple bucks so there was that she also used to make me drive around pull up to mailboxes you're Drive are you old enough to drive no no I'm a kid I'm probably 11 12 years old no my mom's driving so my mom's driving she's making me you're the lean in take people's mail what do you what like credit cards and [ __ ] like that she's fishing she was the big one that birthday cars with cash in it tell me 11year old I didn't even think of that I didn't think of that back then yeah yeah there's no digital [ __ ] email cards or no yeah there was none of that Apple what was your best day do you remember a day you know I I know she she would even get here's the horrible thing she would even get people's like license plates you know imagine you're waiting for new license PL but we would go to the duck pond there's a duck pond in our neighborhood and we' go and she would sit there and go through the mail and just throw like you know plates in the duck pond or like throw there's a big garbage P she would burn the paper in the mail but I feel like her for her was credit cards some cash I remember one time getting like 100 bucks she' get a 100 bucks from it and if it was in like throw me a couple bucks I remember she bought my one Christmas present it was a Christmas present that I really wanted a bike I didn't have a bicycle all my buddies had bikes um I really wanted this Sigma I remember Claire's there and it had like the covered Wheels like the that you couldn't see the spokes cuz there was discs yeah and for Christmas my mom got a credit card and like used the credit card to buy me this bike and the only reason why I know CU I remember hearing my grandma talk to my aunt cuz when I wasn't living with my mom I Liv with my grandma for a while then my mom got better and I lived with her and then so on so so that and then another thing that I'll never forget is my M used to bring me and my sister to the grocery store and she would steal cartons of cigarettes from the carton thing that me that's back before they locked them up yeah yeah and so she would come out she would like go in the back and have me and my sister we on big um big fluffy jackets and she'd be like stick this meat down your pants take this Carton and she make my sister put like carton cigarettes you know in front of her pants and stuff it weird [ __ ] like that but those are the three main hustles that she like would involve us that I remember um yeah it was you know and again it's one of those things when I was younger it's like we I hated doing it but at the same time it was this weird thing where it's like I I you know it's like I didn't want to disappoint my mom cuz I didn't see her as much and wanted to spend time with her I never wanted her to leave you know um but that's all you have yeah I mean really you have no dad that's it and again and I love my grandma and she took care of me a bunch but I really didn't want my mom to leave so I'd do it but the only time that ever annoyed me was because I like but I want to go play with my friends I'm supposed to go you know to the park with so and so so and one of the what happened eventually what finally I had my mom like go away before she came home and was sick um I was 12 I remember riding my about to ride my bike to my buddy's house she goes come here she goes take this envelope it's a card a gift card for my friend and I knew the guy I don't want to say his name but I it was my brother's friend so I knew him she goes so and so want is down at the park um give this to him and his and he always money so just get the money he owes me but this is a car how old are you doing this 12 years old so you bike riding down there whatever I'm going to my buddies I want to go we're going somewhere and stuff he's waiting on me no no go do this so I'm like all right so I ride my bike down give it to him he gives me he's like oh this is my cousin you know Johnny whatever this my cousin Johnny I was like hey what's up man and I was like here it is my mom says you money and he gives me money so I ride the bike back give her the money two months later my brother picks me up up from my buddy's my buddy's house again um says we got to take a ride and we take a ride and she says listen do you remember going to the park uh the beach and meeting so and so I was like yeah I remember that she goes that envelope was filled with Heroin and you sold drugs to him and an undercover crop the cousin Johnny was an undercover cop so you like they want to press charges for you selling drugs I was like no way I was like I didn't know and stuff so I remember they my mom like found out disappeared we didn't hear from her for about 6 months and then finally she calls the check in they say we're like my grandma's like look they're going to charge him with this 12 years old if you don't turn yourself back they really were going to try they said they were GNA they put it in the newspaper and everything damn which was a real bum but they can't put your name in there though cuz you're a minor right no no yes but but everyone's it's small town who hell you along but the guy you initially gave it to not the cousin was he also a cop or was he working with the cop he was working with to cops cuz he got busted and he was even a really good friend of my older brother oh really so like my mom knew him I knew him um again another thing I never mentioned was my brother was never so me and my sister were sort of dragged all over my grandma my aunt my mom when she'd get better but my brother's the oldest my mom was like 17 when she had him and she went to jail right after she had him like a month later so my aunt took him in and took care of him from a month old to 6 months old and then my mom got out she knew she couldn't take care of him so my aunt adopted him so my brother was always around cuz he was with a family member but he was raised by the same woman his whole life um so your mom's been addicted for a long time since her high school days or before then if she's already using at 7 she's getting arrested at 17 yeah she was getting in trouble so yeah and um what's your relationship like with her I mean when when do you ever get a a time where you're like all right here's 2 years I got to live with her or was it always six months spurts or three you know what I mean you know did you ever have any consistency with her well I did only after she got excuse me after she got out of jail that's a good question you know when I was younger I don't I don't know how long the stints were cuz I was like a yeah you're a kid it's blinks thought yeah I never think I never thought of that like I'm trying it definitely would maybe be but you don't remember time like 10 grade to 12th grade mom was clean and we were good nothing like that it was always chaotic yeah cuz I remember like third grade I remember we we moved to this uh town and and we were going to this different school so I was with there for about a year I would say at the most it was a year and a half two years and then back with grandma that's what I wanted to ask you I was wondering if even though you're moving around this area it's a smaller area you're always maintaining the same school with the same friends or you having to meet new people a lot no a same school for the most part except for one year in third grade we did I went to a different School uh in this town called Kingsburg so I went there for one year but for the most part it was all Highlands so your only consistency really was your educational system and those people you went to school with yeah yeah yeah my friends and my grandma because again I I guess I was spent most of my time with my grandma or my aunt and then even at one point this family that lived in in Highlands as well so um but yeah so that was that was it growing up then I moved out at 17 and then my M got sick and got out of jail what was she in jail for that time so so that was for when she turned herself in when I was 12 okay so she finally did it so she came in sorry I never finished that so she came back turned herself in um went to jail for for selling and for what five years so it wind up being no because I I if it happened let's say she I was 13 so about five I think it was like six years okay so I think she got six years for that damn um I think it was supposed to prison yeah oh yeah prison and do you go visit her while she's in there you do it was horrible yeah what's that like sorry it was horrible because I used have to take a bus for like an hour and a half they'd pick me up at this what you had to do to see your mom yeah it was like I think it was once a month I think that I remember but I know we'd have to go and wait in this parking lot a bus would come I'd ride like an hour and a half to see her hour and 15 minutes or whatever it was um and yeah and spend time with her the only that is funny cuz I I had a picture and I don't have it anymore but um I remember one year I got to see her for Christmas and it was literally a bunch of women and like there's one woman dressed as Santa Claus and like you see little Jason Jason M like sitting in between like this bunch of women and women prisoners yeah yeah yeah oh my God it was I wish you could find that picture dude that's classic it's such a it's so sad it would be awesome I know I wish I had it I would love to post that right guys we got the dates for 2023 locked maybe a couple more added La Hoya I'll be back October 20th through the 22nd Salt Lake City finally coming back October 27th and the 28th hoping to see yall out there but Tavia Illinois my first time going there very excited coming on November 10th and November 11th and San Francisco to close out the year at cobs cannot wait to get back to one of my favorite cities in the country December 8th and 9th all tickets are available on my website at ryanr but the bummer is is out so in 2001 when my mom got sick and I lived with her from you said she died of AIDS yeah from Needles and stuff yeah from sharing yeah um and she got sick quick she got out of jail I again it's all blur right now because I don't talk about it that much honestly but when she got out I went and moved it her she was getting sick and then like at four years me and my sister lived with her wife she was like you know getting sicker and sicker um and the Bummer is is then when she passed my I winded up going the to um Cal to California here because we were supposed to do the JM Bob um press junket um and I was a mess Kevin said when he pulled up to the house to pick me up to go to the airport so on J and Bob if you notice I'm like a little fluffier in the face and St because I was drinking because when I first got sober around that 99 I got sober for the movie to shoot the movie Jam Bob um I was like oh I can drink you know as long as I'm not using drugs I can drink and smoke weed weed and St but eventually I wind up using but I got fluffier cuz I was doing so much drinking I was all booze weight all water weight I weighed like 200 pounds um and then when my mom so so Kevin dropped me off my house and whatever it was like two months later so my mom passes away like a month later then I go on this Bender for like a month or two months and I lose in like two months like 40 pounds from smoking crack doing oxies like heroin all this stuff so Kevin picks me up to go to the Press Drinker and he literally I come outside and he's like yo can you tell Jason I'm here to pick him up he didn't even recognize me he wasn't even joking no cuz he said I was like I was so bad looking he thought I was just a friend that was like a cracky friend like coming out to say Jason will be coming out in a minute that's how bad I looked he said like he didn't even recognize me till I got up to the car door and I'm like what are you talking about man then then he realized and he started crying he started crying so then he we go to La we go to California and we I try to do the Press drunk it but I'm a mess because I'm like sick at first then I wind up getting drugs and um he's like you got to go to rehab so I tell the story because then I go to rehab for six month or three months at this point and I'm sending my well really Kevin's sending my sister money to pay for the storage she moves out and puts all my stuff in storage my sister's a crack head uh dope fiend as well she's using with her boyfriend and she spends all the money doesn't pay for my storage so like I said so everything I had all my pictures everything I owned like all these pictures growing up things I got from my mom is a bummer like got put in storage got sold off like on you know Storage Wars some out there got your [ __ ] they do they got your old sh they got that picture of you so let's rewind a little bit when and why do you start using after watching your mom go through all this you said you were pretty you know militant about not using it when do you flip and what happened it's so weird yeah because it's it's I was so I remember being so I remember even probably 14 years old 15 years old one of my bud like a kid from school is like yo man I got some coke that St I was like no way man I'm never doing that [ __ ] so yes I was super against it um I wouldn't even smoke I cigarettes my sister used to smoke I was like I hate cigarettes I hate drugs um your father was an addict as well I don't I know he was a biker well again if my mom's telling the truth he was a biker that could have just had an affair and wasn't necessarily using yeah it things cuz I again it was like I was at the age where I was curious but never was curious enough to be like hey no I like want to know details like what's his last name where's he from like what I didn't even know what state he was from or whatever someone at one point they were like oh I think he lives in Florida and the Bummer is even like no one of my mom's friend we live in this small town and my grandma didn't know my aunt they never saw him they said my grandma said she thinks she saw him once and she wasn't even sure if it was him when I was born and came home from the hospital some man came out of the house and then my mom said oh that that's Jay's dad but she said she wasn't sure of my M was just you know saying whatever um so I didn't like drugs so 21 so I meet this girl such a weird story sort of but I meet this girl um that so my this kid I started hanging out with uh was 17 putting roofs on house I'm a roofer um and I'm hanging out with this kid he roots with me excuse me and he meets this girl they start dating and we would go hang out but you know like when I don't know when you're younger you meet a you start hanging out with a kid and like it's almost like when you first start dating a girl like your friends like why aren't you hanging out you know like staying all the time with the girl this kid I hung out with him every day I mean I had other friends but me and him did everything together we worked together after work we'd go to do this do that so he started hanging out with this girl so I would always tag along with them and then they're like hey we're going to the arcade in Long Branch we're going to go see my friend so we go to the thing we're playing video games it's awesome and his girlfriend brings out this girl and I'm not kidding she was like a 10 I'm like Blown Away how beautiful I feel this girl is to me and I'm like oh my God and we hang out the four of us and for like a half hour at the arcade she's on lunch break she worked there um and I'm like this girl's amazing like I'm like got a big crush on her so then my buddy's like hey couple weeks later we're going to go hang out and go this I hang out with them again and you know I'm trying to feel it out I'm like maybe I can hook up with her point is I never thought I had a shot with her couple months later her and I start fooling around then it come then I find out maybe it wasn't months but I find out they're using drugs I'm 21 21st birthday and so sorry I found that before they were using drugs I stopped hanging out with them for about a month I'm like I don't want to be around that you're using heroin and all like we're only snorted though you know it's an only it's only a weekend thing I'm like I don't care I don't want to be around that and I was like you know why my to my buddy and he's like I know I know and so I didn't talk to them but I realized like I sort of isolated myself from all my other buddies my other buddy had a girlfriend I didn't hang out with him much my this so I'm like getting bored and I see the dude at work all the time anyway so he's like come on just come out with us I wind up hanging out with him again then sorry then I hook up with the girl um and then I they're using only on the weekends they're telling me so we start hanging out all four of us all the time doing stuff going to movies doing this every once in a while I see them like nodding and doing stuff but I wasn't sure yet MH cut to 21st birthday I'm like yo man I'm 21 let's go to a bar we're going to go do this I could finally go into this place and we can have fun and like man we're really not you know we all working all day we're going to go to um her house my buddy's girlfriend's house to go watch a movie just come watch a movie you know the four of us I was like all right we'll get a couple beers so I get like we get like a 12-pack we go there and then all a sudden they're like they go in the bathroom they disappear and they come out and they're all like and I'm like dude this isn't fun like I like I'm drinking like three beers they start getting a little buzzed I'm like you guys like I thought we were going to do something have fun um long story short um so then the girl they're like you don't understand you don't know what it's like I'm like I don't understand I see you guys nodding out burn dropping cigarettes on the ground burning the rug and stuff like you don't know how it feels you don't get it and more of just like I'm going to prove it like I'm you're full of crap I don't give a crap I was like give me some I was like I'm going to do a little bit I'll and then after I hate it I'm going to tell you that you're fools because what that doesn't look fun to me um and then I did it that's how it started yeah oh cuz a girl but it's that powerful huh yeah and then so I did it me and that girl laid together dude and again I'm not I'm not um glorifying it it's horrible but I'm saying for that one moment like I did I felt like I didn't care about anything me and this girl we were we were like in our own little bubble laying there watching a movie cuddling and remember I don't I was so focused on her and I got sick even though I got sick I still love that like because I was I felt great but then it's this weird throw up where it's not like when you're buzzing you're like I'm GNA it's like you're like all a sudden you're like hold on you know and then you're like all right I'm good now anyway um and but yeah it was great and then I was like oh I was like all right I understand I get where you're coming from guys but I was like you know I don't want to do it again but then of course couple weekends later they're going out I do it again and then next weekend I do it again it's only the weekends for months so I didn't have a like I didn't physically get hooked on it um but no time at all it became two days Saturday and Sunday Friday Saturday Sunday to you know every day all right but I'm never heroin it's just heroin yeah I don't remember at that point maybe I tried a little Coke with it or what have you um but I remember at one point I was like all right but I'm never going to use needles I'm only going to snort it never ever and it was probably a couple years before I did the needle but that scared a [ __ ] out of it is it is but and I still didn't think I'd do it but I remember when you're sick you're so desperate you really are like the physical the physical feeling and mental like you're it's it is like the worst I feel I'm sure but anyway so I just remember we only had enough money me and this so now it's years later I'm with a different girl and me and this girl had like literally 20 bucks we had enough for each to have our own bag because it's $10 for a it but I needed two just to feel normal it wasn't even going to get high I just walk around normal and I'm like I'm not going to be normal like we're going to do this it's going to be a waste and my buddy's like yeah but remember if you shoot it you it doesn't goes through your body it dissol it goes straight to the vein and you need a lot less than what you do if you snort it and I'm like no way I can't do it like listen and then of course the girl that that neighbor came over and she I didn't know this but she used she's like I'm a nurse she started using I'm a nurse I look I have a Brand New Bag it never opened clean with clean needles so that it's in a sealed bag and then the needles are in the little covered too and everything's covered three times over they're definitely safe and clean I was like all right but I was like I can't do it myself and she's like well I'm a nurse I can do it and then she did it and then you don't want to ever go back the other way you know it's like a whole another feeling whole another thing and that was it man I just went like it just I went on a ter yeah then I just got worse and worse and I was remember hiding it trying to hide it from Kevin and everybody you know and and uh yeah man it's was did I see a story or something about he did he see track marks on you or something like that or something happened where he got really upset yeah I mean yeah he stole from him stole from him yeah I stole I stole how' you do that so he I stole money he had his wallet on the counter and he had a couple like couple 20s and I remember taking 20 bucks from him um did he catch you no he didn't catch me in the moment but he just knew he knew I had taken it like he knew how much he had I was sitting by his wallet later on he didn't have that much money he because he didn't have like hundreds he had like 32s and I took one so then all a su he's like I know I had $60 now 40 um and he's like because I told him because I feel like what Happ I I feel like he might have known before that before I stole from him see I don't know about because I know his big thing is I told him I said I'm not I as long I think because I was talking about um how like I would never steal like as long as as long as I never steal and never uh do anything you know Shady then I'm not that bad of a Dr drug addict you know what I mean um but the not I'm trying to remember when he first realized I mean there was tons there's been a few situations uh with Kevin where when I relapsed he found out one time because he picked me up we went to um to go to Vegas to go he had a meeting and he left me and I was like I don't want to go out to dinner but I had been clean for a little bit and can I stand if I stand up it'll mess up the thing huh so he he he I'm like I don't want to go to dinner and stuff but I stay I stayed in and used and I got so messed up he said when he came in and I don't remember this but he said when he came in that I was standing up in the middle of the the hotel room living room going like this sleeping standing up I see this all the time that's crazy how you stay up yeah but then he said all of a sudden I got up to and I was like Shadow yeah and he said he was like Jay Jay Jay what are you doing and he said he threw a pillow at me and it startled me but he's like he knew right then he's like you're using again like um so that was the and again so that was after I read ups but yeah it's been it's been crazy I mean the good thing is like he's been you know again I really do feel like I owe a big part of me getting sober and staying on the right track was because of him because it's like he was always there like to you know the first time we we went was uh he threw me in rehab um I don't remember where it was but and it might have been it it might have been it's so weird I can't remember right now when the first time he realized I was using because I but but the first time it was definitely before that time he walked out of the house and he said hey can you tell Jason I'm here to get him yeah no no no yeah cuz again that I had gotten sober it was cuz the the Dogma cuz it wasn't Dogma Chasing Amy yeah cuz I start M rats I wasn't using it was after M rats M rats is 95 so real quick I want to ask you this did your mom ever get to see one of your movies did my mom get to see one of my movies yeah rat see saw m rats so she got to see M rats she got to see clerks um and I feel like Chasing Amy as well um but yeah she she knew what I was doing and stuff she she was she was proud of me she was excited and and what she was really excited about you know one of the sweetest things someone did one time is is when I didn't live out there I still lived in New Jersey out here I mean I lived in New Jersey when IID come out to do things I wind up meeting Paulie Shore my mom's a huge fan of Paulie and I tell him and he winds up calling her and saying hello to her and it made her day and then even after that when I was like hey man thanks that was so nice and sweet I get back home he winds up calling me and goes give me your address and he winds up sending my mom a bunch of stuff like sign stuff had on the show great oh it was so sweet like it was again because at this point she's like she's like really sick and like anything you know it was so it just was really it really made her day it was such a for me it was such a like sweet thing for him to take time and do that like you know he didn't have to so but yeah so she got to see some movies and stuff and um at your lowest describe a day what is a day like for you where are you living what are you doing for hustle money like what is at your lowest what is it like so so I feel like one and one of our my lowest points when I re when I went to get sober the first time so it's a weird thing I had four years sober and almost five because again I've had months sober here and there over the years from when I started but I'm but I'll tell the story so I I'm using I get I get better and then I start using and relapsing and I wind up meeting this girl and we start using real bad and we're living she has an apartment at this point she has an apartment she's doing okay um she has a job and stuff and I move out to Huntington Beach and I'm living with her in an apartment but we start using a bunch um and she's using more and more cuz she had used when I met her she was and she even had the dealer um but she didn't have the money and didn't really have the drive to do it every day day um she was doing it a lot like every weekend almost um but her thing was speed too she really liked speed more than anything so then I started doing speed which was crazy but anyway she going from down to up yeah yeah so now I'm doing like speed then we do dope to come down and then all this stuff but we're living there months go by we're getting worse and worse I'm out of money she's out of money and our lights get a power gets shut off at the apartment we're getting uh evicted all that stuff and it's Christmas time so we you know we're there in the dark at night time we get up uh we this is so sad there we get up enough money to get a little bit of drugs we go down to our dealer and I remember we're gonna like all right we're gonna have enough dope drugs to get feel better and maybe get a little bit High maybe but we're going to feel good for Christmas but all of a sudden I remember the the dealer was like you know what it's Christmas and he winds up giving us like double what he what we paid for he gives us double and he's like merry Christmas and I remember we're like oh my God this is the best Christmas present ever we were so excited which is so sad um and we get home we're in the apartment we're us it we're shooting up and stuff um and we have no lights we have candles on the edge of the couch and the bathroom's upstairs and I'm just too lazy to grab one of the candles and try to hold it up the stairs and put it some so like we would hang out and like knot out and stuff on the couch and then I would go in the kitchen and pee in a bucket no I swear so I'm peeing in the bucket also at this point we're like just a mess so we like use a syringe and throw it on the ground so like the living room has like syringes on the ground there's a bucket of pee two candles burning me and her and all a sudden we're like wake up my she winds up waking me she goes get up get up and I look and I can feel the heat on my face and the couch is on fire holy [ __ ] the candle had burnt down to the bottom and set the couch on fire and I'm like oh why we haven't I mean is it just cuz we're on drugs that we're putting candles on the edge of the couch in the first [ __ ] place when you said that and there was no like nice like we didn't even SM enough to put it on like a plate or something we got to be able to see what we're doing and stuff and I'm like panicking I'm like I got to put it out so I run over and grab the bucket of piss and throw a bucket of P dude you put a fire [ __ ] it's so nasty and I just remember like after we like go outside cuz it's smoking and we're like the fire men are going to come the cops probably were like panicking we're going to get arrested you in an apartment complex yeah we're an apartment complex onen Beach and I'm like I don't know what to do so we wind up just getting a bunch of our stuff and we wind up getting out and our Buddy says we can stay at his house so and I my other buddy winds up coming up I had this other friend who he was a real good BT but he was trying to get back home to to where he lived he was in California to try to see his daughter and get his his uh self you know he was trying to he wasn't a drug addict but he just was like living in in a different state he went to Cali got a job was trying to get an apartment and get his life together so his wife would let his sorry not wife but girlfriend would let him see his daughter he was a mess too though he kept losing jobs and stuff but he had a car he was better off than me um he had a little money saved and and he goes look man I'm going to go back home he's like if you want you can drive with me and then I had a warrant out for my arrest because that sorry one point in 99 we I got pulled over driving home from norc New Jersey to go home uh with Heroin we get pulled over because we get into an accident and we still go get drugs come back home and right be like literally five blocks from our house the airbag went off but we pushed the airbag back in so Kevin right ends up writing that and Clerk's too there's a part where the guys come up and they're like yo man where you been and we're like yo we just did six months in reab we got pulled over for a deployed airbag like Kevin winds up writing in his um because Jay and and clerks too is sober Jay and Bob are and so but anyway so we get pulled over for real cuz the front car is like halfway falling off the bag like like blew up but like we pushed it back in so it was hanging out and we're driving in we get pulled over and I'm like oh my God I should eat my drugs I should eat my drugs I'm like not going to search us but they wind up searching us we get arrested and I get arrested for a possession and they've released me Ro and then I go to jail I mean I go to court get probation but then I wind up moving to California and so I have a warrant out for skipping yeah for probation uh or and skipping the state leaving State and stuff um sorry so at this point I wind up going to California and I get off I'm even worse shape and and that fire happens and my buddy's like look I have to go back home and he lives in uh Rhode Island and he's like I will drive to Rhode Island and then from there we'll see if we can get home so you could turn yourself in because at that point I was at so I feel like my bot I'm like you said that I'm like I need to turn myself in because either they're going to put me in rehab or they're going to put me in jail which I didn't want but I was like what are you facing what are the charges you're facing right now a year a year one year in in jail yeah for possession of yeah hero yes but then for possession but more for I guess that this was that a hit and run as well no no cuz we actually stopped and talk but um sorry so the the year was so I had four years four years for the drugs but then they gave me a uh four years probation but they were going to give me a year in jail for for messing up my probation I believe something like that yeah so I knew that it was going to be about a year if I go to jail or I'm hoping I'll get put in rehab um and so we we wind up my buddy winds up letting me jump in the car and we drive to his to Rhode Island um and things just got worse we stopped in Tennessee um we meet some girls we stay with them I me start shooting speed with this whole crew and I'm like hanging out this speed house which was so crazy man it was such a weird thing like windows are blacked out with Sprite paint and people are DJing in separate rooms cuz they're staying up all night doing speed and people are cleaning in the kitchen it was really weird it was really weird um it was it was but opposite of the yeah um but anyway so I wind up turning myself in and I get six months and uh rehab luckily I do six months um and then I got out Kevin stuck around the whole time he'd come visit me he gave me at one point uh in three after three months if you're doing good you can get a job and he had uh our the vew skew which was our comic book store and then you know we had our merch J Bob merch and stuff um and so he I had a job at our store shipping stuff which really wasn't I'd just go hang but I didn't help out and stuff um but it gave me something to do and and uh I got through the six months and then I got had almost four years at that point um but I got kidney stones I stopped going to meetings right so after about three years I stopped going to meetings I'm good I and I do I feel good I me I was working out and I was all feeling good and stuff and I'm like I don't need meetings really um but then I I get kidney stones and I have to they're like look you're not going to pass the stone unless we give you a shot of demoral and some painkillers to because otherwise you're tense and it won't pass and I'm like I can't use painkillers I'm an addict and stuff and they're like look you have if you want it to pass you got to get this shot and I was like all right I'll be fine shot a demoral man I got that feeling again like I got when I was 21 with that girl I was like oh my goodness and I'm like all right I'm fine now you know I just got to take my prescription as prescribed which lasted about four days and then I'll sudden them counting by four day four I'm like take it was take one that one every 3 to six hours right so I'm like it's almost three hours it's almost three hours you know by week two I'm like oh it's 2 and a half hours it's only 30 minutes shy I'm not really relapsing and then I took my whole bottle and then but I had a buddy who was like hey man how you doing I'm like I'm good but I'm out of pain medicine and uh my doctor won't give me more and he's like oh I have a buddy who has you know some extra um n uh well the forget the name of them it's been that long which is great it's not vikin it's another one but perets not the perets there's there's Oxy Cotton no not that good cuz vikin has is 750 yeah so there was another one in between and I don't know how I'm blanking on it and it don't matter but it was I think it was like 10 milligrams um of the the Codine that's in it or whatever and only like 500 or 350 of the Tylenol so it just anyway I think I have that a sopin I've got that one it's it's hydrocodone with Tylenol in it yes I got that but but the this is suppos to be better and yes because if you take like five vicin and you're taking a whole lot of aetam metapan okay these other ones they're the same really but they're just a different name and I can't believe I'm blanking on them but anyway so I he he winds up giving me some of them then I he winds up giving me some and I think it's prescription but he's like well you know he actually sells them he can get more so I wind up getting more more and next thing you know it's a year later but a year later I'm no lie just to feel normal because in my head I'm like as long as I don't do heroin I didn't really relapse and I'm not that bad right as I was before because I had almost four years um is I was taking like 20 of these just to get up this is what I hear from everybody does the shows like your body really builds a tolerance cuz I feel like 20 Advil for me I would throw up yeah but over time yeah 20 there some people tell me 30 I'm like a day yeah yeah one every hour almost yeah well I would do 20 at once in the morning no I swear by the end I would take take five no I would take five drink five drink I swear just over the course of the day oh no no I was taking like on a good day if I had the money enough money and the guy had enough I was taking probably about 50 50 a day I swear is that eaten through your stomach alone yeah sometimes I would taste it through my liver like it was weird it was crazy but yeah it was a mess [ __ ] it was bad it was really bad and and so that was that time and then it got really bad and and then I winded up going into uh then I detoxed again and then I winded up and now so I forget that little period I forget how long it was so I think it was a couple weeks got out um started doing the podcast Jam Bob get old and three after I had three months sober and then we started counting you know podcast Kevin I was like Kevin started letting me hang around he was really disappointed me at this point he's like I'm not gonna like I'm not gonna like start hanging out and doing things till like I could see that you're going to like why do you think you relapse and I explained to them I felt like because I stopped going to meetings I stopped being accountable to people I stopped talking to people and sharing what like you know but when I got the painkillers of I was like man I'm really liking this and I don't know what to do I'm like scared but I didn't I just started dating the wife I have now um we had been together a couple well at that point probably about a year and a half two years and that's timing's all messed up for me but anyway but I I you know like I said we got a new apartment me and her were out uh pad Del re so all my friends were in there Hollywood would so I didn't really no one wanted to come visit every once in a while so my point is it was me and her every day just hanging out she would go do her thing come home me and her so I didn't really and I told him that I was like I feel like I should have shared I should have talked to her about it even but I was scared to tell her um and I didn't share with anyone like hey I finished my prescription I'm loving the way I feel I want more um or anything so he's like well if we do a podcast I want you to share like I want you to be a account he's like if you share tell everyone how you're feeling every day tell some stories tell this then you know you can be accountable yeah and it was great because you know it got to a point where I was like hey I have a year sober and we'd have you know uh 800 people at a live show and and they'd be like yeah and all I would I would literally like we'd like we have a show in tomorrow too and I'd go to sleep that night like have a dream that I relapsed and I'd have to get on stage and like sorry everyone I have one day sober you know and it frightened me though it helped it like helped sharing with everybody everything um and then being accountable like after time if people start listening to podcast online and stuff I'd be in Starbucks and so like yo I love the podcast how many days sober you have you know that's great um and right now uh speaking of that so today September so wait it's July August September to September right now yes so September 2nd was 13 years and two months congrats thank you thank you so yeah it's it's been you know we stopped the podcast a while ago but it was a big help but really was um again the podcasting you podcast is awesome and we do it so you were saying I want to ask you something sorry you were saying earlier you do the show too do you do just Standalone standup when you do your live shows or do you do like a no I do standup when I do live shows yeah you come see me on tour it's stand up but I started asking people because something happened to me at the beginning of the year where I went for surgery and then they let me lay so long I clotted and almost died and they were like look you should make calls it's touch and go for you so I started asking people if anybody in the audience my first stop um Fort Wayne Indiana has anybody in here ever been given that you know notification and right away some lady's like I actually died and I was like you died and came back and it's like yep and then boom every city I've been to every city I was just in [ __ ] Tulsa there were three people that died in Tulsa two of them in Springfield there were two in Tampa there was one here in Burbank like it's wild to know how many people been officially declared dead called and then been brought back and they every at least one person in every weekend so far so it's turned into a bit of a five minute talking to the crowd if they got it but it's just stand up yeah yeah yeah yeah that's crazy every city dude listen yeah every city and I want to say like what a hell of a story you have I've been a fan for a long time bro he you're college for me and everything else and I want to thank you so much for for coming on here thank you and sharing your story I'm proud of you 13 years hell yeah I mean a new dad you got a baby bro good luck to your knees good luck to those knees and you're back um last thing I want to ask you I always ask everyone's first time here especially after what we've talked about um advice you would give to 16-year-old Jason oh um you know I I would say I would say because I always think at first I would say don't do drugs but again I feel like there is so much it's part of what at this point so many things have happened and stuff but honestly I would say and it might be a not a great answer but smoking smoking for me was so hard to stop even more than drugs or anything really smoking smok cigarettes was harder than heroin because that's what you always hear like it's harder than heroin really and I I don't want to stay harder in the harder in the sense because believe me I want didn't say I would feel the same way of how I would feel if I was sick but I'm saying if I quit heroin and quit cigarettes I'm sorry the cigarettes were so hard because I you can do it in public you can do it so accessible and the habit of it all like you know what I'm saying like and I and again it might be a c up but I feel like I struggle with it because it's it's caused fights with my wife and all that again I haven't been smoking now for months but it took so long even after my when I had my daughter I was like I'm I have a kid now not going to smoke and you know I I didn't smoke for like a day and a half and then I snuck a cigarette and you know it just took so much and again I don't know I just feel like it's I feel like it's aged me a little bit more than it would if normally my my teeth like you know it it's it's probably one of my biggest things I'm sure there's another answer if I had more time to think of if I someone sat me down and say let's think about this but I do feel like it's a big thing that really sticks to me is the smok and and over time how much how hard it is it's for me how hard it was so well thank you so much for coming on again one more time promote the Cru everything please Cruise uh is uh 2024 February 23rd to the 26 we're going from Miami to Nassau Bahamas uh it's the Jan Sal Bob uh Cruz es skew uh we're going to have a bunch of people on there doing podcast live music uh some tournaments for poker and some other things Jason Le will be there Ethan me Kevin Smith um AJ Wilkerson uh for standup comedy a bunch of stand-up comedians uh a bunch of activities to do come check that out twitch.tv juse I stream every day sometimes it's only an hour because I got the kids sometimes it's three hours I unbox things I play video games uh and stuff like that but I also do my St up J Muse and his amusing stories I don't have any dates set right now but check it out J Muse and is amusing stories uh and I have my own website too J Muse and all my socials J Muse J ay not Jason J yme Wes is my Instagram and Twitter and website and all that good stuff so check it out well thank you brother and as always Ryan sikler docomo media come see me on tour get your tickets at ryanr we'll talk to y'all next [Music] week [Music]