there's nothing wrong with being happy in an average relationship but there's also nothing wrong with wanting something extraordinary the choice is 100% yours hi ladies welcome or welcome back to the feminine Universe I am so happy to have you here we hear a lot about the importance of not settling in relationships but the concept of what it means to settle for someone or to be the person someone settles for is extremely misunderstood some people still believe that unless you look like a magazine cover or someone's exact fantasy you'll never be more than a placeholder but that's so far from the truth the reality of life is for all sorts of reasons some women are treated exceptionally well in relationships some are treated poorly and most fall somewhere in between and while some women are happy with that in between status others yearn to join the women who are treat treated extraordinarily well but they just don't know how to get there that's why today we are diving deep into the good enough girl dynamic because while many if not most relationships fall into the good enough category it is also the easiest category to elevate from if you choose to take that step now before we dive all the way in let me say one thing clearly there is nothing fundamentally wrong with having a good enough or average relationship just like there's nothing wrong with having an average job or an average body not everyone needs a caite position or a six-pack to be happy if your current relationship Dynamic satisfies you that's perfectly okay this content is for the women who find themselves in a good enough relationship and actively want more because that's okay too so if you want a change from this Dynamic let's get started firstly let's review what the good enough Dynamic looks like if we go back to the car example I used in the five categories of women video I said the women that men tend to place in the good enough girl category are basically viewed as a Honda it might be secondhand or just on the more affordable side but overall it's reliable it gets them from point A to B and it's within their budget there's nothing wrong with the Honda they're not ashamed of being seen in it but they aren't exactly showing it off either and this typically reflects the dynamic of women who tell me that the men they meet or their boyfriend or their husband isn't Rude mean or disrespectful in any way but they don't feel especially valued pursued or cherished either there are usually no surprises no extras no passion no fire it doesn't look like the downright mistreatment that the desperate girl gets it looks more like a sit situation where the man does what's necessary if the desperate girl is no maintenance the good enough girl is low maintenance she will get things on birthdays or on anniversaries but not so much those just because gestures there's a lot of same old same old not much thoughtfulness or creativity anything extra that you want you will have to explicitly ask for and after you ask for it usually several times he might end up doing it just before we get to the reasons and solutions for the good enough Dynamic let's clear up one common misconception many people believe that if you don't match someone's typical type or their high school sweetheart it means they're settling for you or you're just a placeholder but that isn't true plenty of people are in happy thriving relationships with Partners who aren't their usual type as we grow mature and go through certain experiences in life what we're attracted to and what we prioritize may change drastically for example you might get over a height preference and prioritize attentiveness or ambition with time so just because you don't resemble someone's past partners or their celebrity crushes doesn't mean you're automatically a second choice of course if a man's last few Partners look like carbon copies of each other that is a data Point worth noting I'm not saying to be blind or delusional but just remember priorities change and looks aren't the only thing that matters having a full package of qualities that the person values and the timing of the relationship are what truly matters in the end what you really want to pay attention to in the good enough Dynamic to determine how much potential there is is assess whether the person you're dealing with is facing inward or facing outward fa facing outward is always going to feel like you'll do until I can find something better facing outward is about being involved with you doing the bare minimum to get by but also seeming like they're constantly scanning for something better and that's when the placeholder conversation can really come into play now when someone is facing inward they may acknowledge that there are some things that they initially wanted that may be missing but he also realizes that you're probably compromising a bit for him as well he's also able to notice other traits that you have that are valuable and he can appreciate the Alternatives you provide overall they'll be interested in making the most of what you two have or at least be reasonably open to gradual suggestions that will make the relationship better and that's why I say not being someone's exact type isn't the problem the real issue arises when someone isn't willing to face inward at all and only does the barest of the bare minimum because they're still on the hunt for something else now as for what causes the good enough Dynamic there are several reasons women end up here some of the main ones are that for whatever reason the man doesn't have access to the kinds of women he actually wants maybe he's limited by his finances his looks his education etc etc he can't get his preference so he settles for his second third or fourth choice he's thinking this is not what I want but it'll do for now and this is where you'll see a lot of that facing outward Behavior another reason besides not having access to their preference is intentionally targeting low-maintenance women some men simply do not want to put much effort into their relationships similar to how some people want to do as little as possible at work they will take a job that pays a little less if it means they don't have to work as hard these men deliberately choose low-maintenance women even if they could be with someone they're more attracted to or more interested in simply because they don't want to put in the effort they'll gravitate towards women who seem accustomed to and accepting of minimal effort the women who won't demand much and the moment more effort is requested or required they will tend to push back or jump ship another reason this Dynamic happen happens is the woman fell off somehow some way you stopped being the person they fell for so many women share their disappointment when men who used to be Charming chivalrous ambitious and fit turn into inattentive lazy couch potatoes they mentioned being turned off and possibly not feeling the same way about that man when those changes happen while men experience this too and a drop from dream girl to good enough girl can happen when you used to take pride in your appearance and are now negligent or sloppy or when you used to be into your job or hobbies and maintain your own schedule and now your only interest is being up under him 24/7 to the point of Suffocation this can cause the way he views you or feels about you to change and lastly this can happen if you've explicitly discouraged good treatment this is more rare but I have seen it happen happen several times usually unknowingly the man does think you're worth the treatment he starts out buying the flowers or doing some kind gestures and the woman tells him this is too much I don't need all that he'll go to help her with her coat and she's like I got it you don't have to do that you may think you're being humble or proving that you're easygoing and that you're not one of those high maintenance girls but I promise you what's coming across to them is I don't like this treatment I don't want this treat treatment it makes me uncomfortable and ultimately I don't deserve this treatment and how many times can you tell someone you don't want or don't deserve something before they start to believe you and this is why in previous videos I've recommended accepting help and gestures even when you don't need them because if nothing else it allows the person to get used to doing things for you and lays the groundwork for you to comfortably make requests for things you actually want later on and that leads us into breaking down the solutions for how to avoid getting into and how to get out of good enough Solutions as with everything there are always different approaches but I will share five major Solutions with you solution number one is to improve the way you treat yourself this may sting a little too here but please know I say it out of love most women who are being treated like they're basic treat themselves like their basic sweetheart how can you want someone to do the most for you when you're not willing to do the most for yourself when I coach women on this in person women who tell me they want more of the extras they want the princess treatment from future Partners or in their current relationship the first thing I tell them is to forget about the men for a second and take a minute to focus on the women who get the type of treatment that you're saying you want how do those women treat themselves more often than than not these women carry themselves a certain way pamper themselves a certain way and they hold themselves and others to a certain standard to get the best treatment you have to become self-centered in the best way you can't just be sitting around hoping to be a priority to someone else you have to become a priority to yourself first so ask yourself do you treat yourself like a good enough girl does the way you treat yourself say I believe I'm valuable and I take pride in myself or do you treat yourself like yeah I'm all right I guess that is one of the first cues people will go off of when determining how to treat you if you want my full guide on how to become self-centered in a healthy guilt-free way just write self-centered in the comments and I will have so much fun putting that together for you solution number two is to elevate your appearance one of the best ways to improve the way you treat yourself is by taking care of your appearance specifically in a way that's flattering to you one of the strongest ways to exhibit that you see yourself as more than good enough without saying anything is through your appearance how you present yourself and the way you carry yourself to put it simply if you put above average effort into your looks you will start to get above average treatment from others romantically and otherwise I know some people don't love hearing this but as women we we also have more appreciation for men who put their best foot forward and take care of themselves so I don't think it should be that surprising that men respond the same way to women so if you don't currently put much care or the right kind of care into your appearance taking the time to elevate it is going to be the fastest way to change the treatment you get and this usually doesn't require anything drastic for most women it's just a matter of figuring out what's most flattering on you and then making the effort to maintain that while dressing better and better grooming will help this is also about your posture your ability to make eye contact mastering that confident walk it's about elevating everything someone takes in when you're right in front of them from your looks to your mannerisms to your Energy Solution number three is to be at least medium maintenance or in other words have some standards and requirements after we've tackled the first two solutions that start with you it's time to analyze what you accept from other people the requirements and standards you have for yourself and the treatment you're willing to accept communicate a lot about what you think you deserve and it has a huge impact on what others will think you deserve as well my loves being low maintenance is not an achievement being low maintenance is not a flex since being high maintenance can have negative connotations I comfortably advised to be at least medium maintenance it's infinitely better for you and your partner having standards and requirements actually allow someone to like you more it's a fact that's been proven over and over again that we are more attached have more positive feelings about and place more value on things and people that we invest in there are several parts to having requirements but the big five to to me would probably be what kind of behavior do you accept or let slide can you comfortably accept good treatment can you make requests can you speak up for yourself and can you take space and give space solution number four is to be gradual and be pleasant about your changes I know I owe you content on how to get your man to show up in a masculine way but here is a tip that will overlap with that subject and that is to make changes gradually and pleasantly a mistake a lot of women make is to try to change everything at once as we know humans are generally resistant to change so in order to get the best results you don't want to just switch up overnight or have a million new requirements in one day this is not about being demanding or entitled it's about blossoming into your best self allowing them to witness and experience that change and meet you at your new level if they're willing and able to do so so don't go from 0 to 100 take an honest look at your current situation start where you are and take a step up from there like if you guys don't currently have a recurring date night don't demand to start going out every night you can say something like babe I've been thinking that a monthly date night would be good for us what do you think about starting that if you never give him any space don't disappear for two weeks like you're angry and pouting choose one day a week to do something with your girls or to encourage him to hang out with his friends and gradually add some healthy space into your relationship in a positive way lastly solution number five is to tap into their deepest needs what are their secrets their vulnerabilities the things they've never shared with anyone not even their family their closest friends or their past partners what are their deepest desires and Fantasies what are their insecurities and areas where they need the most support and reassurance as women I think we Overlook the fact that we often have numerous outlets for our vulnerability whether it's with our mothers sisters cousins or best friends we have so many places to share laugh cry and obsess over details without judgment but for many men these spaces are either very very limited or non-existent being the person they can confide in the person who notices their unspoken needs and shows up for them in meaningful ways is invaluable women learning to face inward in their relationships as well instead of solely waiting to be focused on is crucial and not used nearly enough but I've saved this solution for last for a reason because if used correctly understanding and respon to their needs can make someone feel so deeply connected to you that they never want to let go but if you use this incorrectly it can quickly take you from good enough girl right on down to desperate girl you see tapping into their needs only works if you're someone they're genuinely attracted to and someone who has their own life interests and is confident not someone who caters to them out of insecurity many women fall into one of two traps either they focus entirely on being supportive and meeting his needs but neglecting their own appearance and interests to the point where they're not someone he admires or they'll get so consumed with looking flawless because they think that's all it takes and they forget to actually learn about and connect with the person in front of them for a bond that goes beneath the surface remember being a dream girl is a Formula it is is and always has been a combination of qualities not just one so if you feel like you've been treated like a good enough girl in relationships or life in general I encourage you to improve the way you treat yourself elevate your appearance be at least media maintenance have some requirements be gradual and pleasant as you make your changes and be present and attentive enough to see and affirm others and I promise you will have the most enchanting cocktail for anyone who is open to drinking it but the most beautiful thing about this specific journey and these specific Solutions is the push to learn grow and Elevate into the best version of yourself because that version of you will never be attracted to someone who treats you like your ordinary if you want an extraordinary relationship you deserve that and you can have that until next time ladies stay feminine stay focused and have fun