This is Top End. Okay. How do you get someone to like you? Do you do something nice for them?
Cook them dinner? Buy them gifts? Always pay for the bill?
How often have you gone out of your way to put in the extra mile for someone who just totally failed you? It's called the... Benjamin Franklin fact.
The more time, effort, or work you put towards someone, the more you're personally invested in them, and the more you like them and want it to work out. But when you don't let them lift a finger, you're actually eliminating opportunities for them to do the same. to invest in the relationship.
How can you care about something you don't have a stake in? Today we're going to show you how it works and prove it. First, we brought in a selection of couples and had each person take a 30 question test which told us exactly how attracted they were towards each other.
All right, we're finished? Yeah. Okay, now I'm gonna need a volunteer.
I'll volunteer. Great. I volunteer with you.
I volunteer Barbara. I volunteer. Yeah.
Great. We asked for one person to act as our volunteer, and then we kicked them out of the building. OK, you have been volunteered to go outside. Sorry, you're going to have to go wait outside. Oh, no.
Go wait outside. All right, cool. And you can't leave. This way, they had no clue what we were up to.
We gave the person who stayed a large blank picket sign and asked them. to write a message to the other person that expressed how they felt about them. Then we had them go outside and stand by the door for a minute so the other person could read it.
Me too. And time. Come on back inside.
I love you. Right. That was that.
Afterwards, we had that person come back in and write down five things that they liked about the other person. Then we gave our volunteer a bullhorn and told them to go outside and read off their list. Finally, we had them run back out and fetch them something to drink.
Can you hear me? Barbara. Barbara, I'd like to tell you that...
you're... funny. Your sense of humor, which matches mine exactly.
Your giggle. Your laugh and your smile. How you write your random nonsense songs.
How you write your random nonsense songs. Your creative flair. Your can-do attitude. Your can-do attitude. You're adventurous.
How you handle life's curveballs. You're goal-oriented. You're compassionate for others, especially your willingness to go out of your way to help your friends. You're a great mother, and you're fun to be with. And you're level-headedness in a town full of insane people.
Ask her if she'd like something to drink. Would you like something to drink? Okay.
We've got water, some soda, some coffee. Water's great. Okay, coming up. Would you like something to drink? Water would be great.
Can I really get a coffee? Enjoy. Should we put something in it? Maybe. You'll find out.
Yay! You get to stay. I don't think so. You're welcome. When they finished their marathon of niceness, we retested how attracted they were to each other.
Those who went out of their way to be super nice to their partner became as much as 5% more attracted to them. We're not saying that you shouldn't do brave, beautiful acts of kindness towards someone you like, but just make sure you allow room in the relationship for the other person to also give it back and invest in you. So maybe don't insist on paying the bill every time and driving to their place every time. Give them a shot to invest and put just as much into it as you do. Whether you're trying to get into a relationship, Or deep into a long-term one.
Give your partner a chance to contribute to it. I'm Julian, and this has been... The Science of Love! SoulPancake, Subscribe!