Insights on Relationships and Marriage

Thank you so much for hiring me to work here, ma'am. You're welcome. But just so you know, the pay isn't great here. Plus, it's just all-round jobs. Sometimes you'll be driving, sometimes gardening, sometimes shopping at the market. Sometimes my husband will ask for a massage. That's fine, ma'am. As long as the pay is enough, it's okay. The most important thing is being honest in this job. When it's time to pray, you must pray. Also, about my youngest child. When they're playing, as long as it's not dangerous, don't tell them to stop. Okay, ma'am. I'll start cleaning over there now. Oh, one more thing. Yes? The same goes for Mr. Yusuf. When Mr. Yusuf is busy with his hobby, don't disturb him or tell him to stop. Understood, ma'am. His hobby is watering plants, right? Yes. Okay Thank you. Take care. Assalamualaikum. Waalaikumsalam. And with you. Why are you smiling? Who dropped you off? You're just smiling when I ask you. It's a secret. Can't Mr. Bogang bathe himself? I'm sorry. Why didn't scream or something? It's okay, sir. Actually,I haven't bathed yet today. Allaahu akbar. Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. Come eat with us here. Don't eat by yourself like that. Okay, sir. I'll sit here and enjoy the fresh air. Actually, Mr. Bogang wanted to eat here. But he's afraid of getting splashed with dishes. No typing while eating. Let me feed you. Looks like Mila has a boyfriend. We'll talk to her gently later. Heart to heart. If you want to win someone's heart, you have to use your heart. Win someone's heart is, use a spoon. Can I sleep here? Your dad snoring loudly past few days. (snooring) How can you snore if you're not sleeping? I'm not being nosy. Why is Dad's snoring unstable, Mom? The one who gave you a ride, is that your boyfriend? Yes, Mom. He's good, Mom. Smart. Friendly. Polite. And he's diligent in his worship too, Mom. I never knew dating when I was young. How did you and Dad get together? After we got married. So your father and I dated, after we got married. Because in Islam, dating isn't allowed, right? Dear? You know that too, right? You've read Surah Al-Isra, haven't you? Okay, let's just go to sleep. Hurry up. Mr. Bogang is waiting for you. Oh, sis, there was a package yesterday. Where is it? There. Yes, cool! Oh, a helmet. Cool, right? Do you know, sis? What's a helmet used for? To protect the head from impact in case of an accident. Correct. But there's an even better way to protect our heads besides wearing a helmet. A helmet is the best tool for motorcyclists to protect their heads. Don't ride a motorcycle. That's the best way to protect your head from impact. Hurry up and go. Peace be with you. And with you. Wait a second. Why are you wearing a helmet in the car? I'll be riding a motorcycle later when I go home. I've already told Mr. Bogang that he'll pick you up on the way home. Give me that. Looks like your daughter is really in love. It's okay. In Islam, falling in love isn't forbidden. What's forbidden is dating. Wait a moment, please. Yes, sir. That's Grandpa. Grandpa's coming. This is for you to buy rice. Thank you, dad. See you, Grandpa's leaving now. Okay, see you. See you. Who was that, sir? My daughter. My only daughter. I work for my daughter and grandchildren too. Mom... After I graduate, I want to get married right away. Just go to sleep. Sis... We're having a barbecue tonight. Invite Fikri. Okay, sure. Thank you very much, Mr. Bogang. You're welcome, Dawam. How old is your child, sir? 20 years old. Do you have two children, sir? Yes. My child got married at 17 years old. The first grandchild is 2 years old. And the younger one you saw being carried, is only 8 months old. And now, they're in a tough spot. What does header mean sir? It means she's pregnant again. Pregnant again? A third child, sir? Yes. What does her husband do for work? It's unclear. We're out of milk. And out of baby food too. Can't we just feed the baby banana for now? We need more than just for today. You should find a steady job. You talk too much. I'm waiting for a job opportunity. Stop nagging. You don't wait for a job, you go look for one. What do you mean? They're in the process of getting divorced. Oh. How can they handle three kids when the husband just sits around not working? Plus, their first child, has health issues. What kind of issues? Their growth and development, you know. It's usually called stunting. That's why, at home, they fight every day. The husband is physically abusive. So, I told them to get divorced. Don't forget to give some to your grandkids, Mr. Bogang. Yes, ma'am. Where do you live, Fikri? Near the stadium, sir. Are you in 12th grade too? Yes, I'm in the same class as Mila. After graduating high school, where do you plan to apply? It seems Mila doesn't want to go to college. After graduating high school, she wants to get married right away. You can study while married, right? Are you willing to do that, Fikri? You're awfully confident. Well? I'm not sure yet, sir. Sorry. Are you two in love? What do you think, Mila? Why do you want to get married so soon? Because we're not allowed to date. It's not me who forbids dating. It's our religion. Mom said, you date after you get married. So we should get married first then date, right? Back then, your mom and I were adults. We were stable and mature. That's why we were ready to face any marriage problems. Any kind of problem. Let me tell you something. In marriage, 30% is happiness, and 70% is problems. Now, how do we change that to 70% happiness and 30% problems? The only way to do that is when the couple is truly mature. But being mature isn't just about age, right? For marriage, age is part of maturity. Because you'll become a mother someday, right? Mila, you want to have children, don't you? Of course. And you want your children to be a quality generation, right? Obviously. To give birth to quality children, your reproductive system needs to be healthy, right? It has to be healthy. It has to be ready. It has to be strong. According to doctors, the ideal age to become a mother is at least 19 years old. Over 20 is even better. I'm not trying to scare you. There are many examples now, right? Young marriages that are prone to problems. Here comes Grandpa. This is to buy rice. Grandpa's leaving now. Okay, see you. They're getting divorced. They fight every day. The husband is physically abusive. Did he tell you too? Mr. Bogang's grandchild, the oldest one isn't growing normally. Yeah. It's called stunting. Because the fetus wasn't cared for properly. Probably because the womb wasn't ready for pregnancy. So, do we agree now? Yes. We agree, sir. That's a lot, ma'am. It's fine, so the grandkids are happy. Go deliver it to them now. Okay, thank you so much. You're welcome. Marriage is like taking care of a mango. Marrying young is like caring for an unripe mango. An unripe mango, if cared for, can ripen. But it will never be sweet. If there's a mistake, it might even rot. Will a ripe mango always be sweet if cared for? No. Not all of them will be sweet. But at least, the chance of it being sweet is much higher. But with an unripe mango, it's impossible for it to be sweet. Which do you choose? Back to the original question. Why do you want to get married so soon? I don't know. Are you afraid of losing each other? Afraid of losing? I'm not forbidding you from loving each other. I'm not telling you to break up either. But dating isn't allowed. That's why, you should date after you're married. And get married when you're truly mature. It's hard. Don't make it hard on yourself. What if Fikri falls for another girl? Then he won't marry me. That's not fair. Let me flip the question. What if you, Mila, turned to another guy? That's impossible, sir. No. Don't say it's impossible. The world is full of possibilities. Isn't that right, Fikri? That's why you shouldn't be too lovesick. Just take it easy. Think of yourselves as just friends. If you're meant to be, you'll meet again. The key is not to be too obsessed. Hello, Assalamualikum. Yeah, I'm heading home after this. Waalaikumsalam. Sorry, it's a call from headquarters, sir. It's okay, send my regards to your parents. Will do, sir. Please say goodbye to mom for me. Alright, I'll be heading out now, sir. Goodbye, sir. Okay. See you. Take care. I'm sorry, dear. I might have upset you when you're in love. It's okay, bro. Anyway, words of the day: A mango that ripens naturally on the tree tastes better than one that's artificially ripened. You sound like a fruit seller. ♪ The Sunday I've been waiting for ♪ ♪ You invited me to Grojogan Sewu ♪ Why are you working on your day off, bro? You'd be better off staying at home. Playing with your grandchild. I can do that after this afternoon, mom. How nice. So refreshing. Just like being at Grojogan Sewu. Mr. Yusuf. Are you there? Oh my, I'm so sorry, sir. It's alright. I haven't taken a bath yet anyway. Words of th day? Revenge are crueler. Give me a towel I thought you went to mosque since shubuh ago. I was slept on the garden last night. Get a towel, I'm take a bath now. ♪ Solo city, home of authentic art ♪ ♪ Beautiful dances with pure rhythm accompanying ♪ ♪ Many attractions from ancient times till now ♪ Words of the day? Sad. Why sad? For me, I'd rather be sad now and happy tomorrow. Than be happy now but, sad tomorrow. I'm confused. Why are you confused? Everything your dad said is 100% true. Our priority now is to study first. Go to college then work. When you and I are ready, we'll meet at the altar. Are we really breaking up? Of course we are. Words of the day... The moon and stars never embrace. But they share their light with the universe. Until we can be together, let's be like the moon and stars for now. Even though they're apart, they still share their light. What's our light then? Many things. It could be, it could be knowledge. It could also be motivation. It could be prayers too. Basically, our light is all positive things. But, we'll still get married, right? God willing. What's wrong? Why are you against "God willing"? Because you said it jokingly. "God willing" should be said seriously. I am serious. Okay. God willing, we will get married. Okay. ♪ Better to break up than continue ♪ ♪ This is enough ♪ ♪ Walking hand in hand but not on the same path ♪ ♪ No need to continue ♪ ♪ Your goal is to leave ♪ ♪ But you invite me north, that's the course of fate ♪ ♪ We really don't have to be together ♪

Thank you so much for hiring me to work here, ma'am. You're welcome. But just so you know, the pay isn't great here. Plus, it's just all-round jobs. Sometimes you'll be driving, sometimes gardening, sometimes shopping at the market. Sometimes my husband will ask for a massage. That's fine, ma'am. As long as the pay is enough, it's okay. The most important thing is being honest in this job. When it's time to pray, you must pray. Also, about my youngest child. When they're playing, as long as it's not dangerous,
don't tell them to stop. Okay, ma'am.
I'll start cleaning over there now. Oh, one more thing. Yes? The same goes for Mr. Yusuf. When Mr. Yusuf is busy with his hobby, don't disturb him or tell him to stop. Understood, ma'am. His hobby is watering plants, right? Yes. Okay Thank you. Take care. Assalamualaikum. Waalaikumsalam. And with you. Why are you smiling? Who dropped you off? You're just smiling when I ask you. It's a secret. Can't Mr. Bogang bathe himself? I'm sorry. Why didn't scream or something? It's okay, sir. Actually,I haven't bathed yet today. Allaahu akbar. Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. Come eat with us here. Don't eat by yourself like that. Okay, sir.
I'll sit here and enjoy the fresh air. Actually, Mr. Bogang wanted to eat here. But he's afraid of getting splashed with dishes. No typing while eating. Let me feed you. Looks like Mila has a boyfriend. We'll talk to her gently later. Heart to heart. If you want to win someone's heart, you have to use your heart. Win someone's heart is, use a spoon. Can I sleep here? Your dad snoring loudly past few days. (snooring) How can you snore if you're not sleeping? I'm not being nosy. Why is Dad's snoring unstable, Mom? The one who gave you a ride, is that your boyfriend? Yes, Mom. He's good, Mom. Smart. Friendly. Polite. And he's diligent in his worship too, Mom. I never knew dating when I was young. How did you and Dad get together? After we got married. So your father and I dated, after we got married. Because in Islam, dating isn't allowed, right? Dear? You know that too, right? You've read Surah Al-Isra, haven't you? Okay, let's just go to sleep. Hurry up. Mr. Bogang is waiting for you. Oh, sis, there was a package yesterday. Where is it? There. Yes, cool! Oh, a helmet. Cool, right? Do you know, sis? What's a helmet used for? To protect the head from impact in case of an accident. Correct. But there's an even better way to protect our heads besides wearing a helmet. A helmet is the best tool for
motorcyclists to protect their heads. Don't ride a motorcycle. That's the best way to protect your head from impact. Hurry up and go. Peace be with you. And with you. Wait a second. Why are you wearing a helmet in the car? I'll be riding a motorcycle later when I go home. I've already told Mr. Bogang
that he'll pick you up on the way home. Give me that. Looks like your daughter is really in love. It's okay. In Islam, falling in love isn't forbidden. What's forbidden is dating. Wait a moment, please. Yes, sir. That's Grandpa. Grandpa's coming. This is for you to buy rice. Thank you, dad. See you, Grandpa's leaving now. Okay, see you. See you. Who was that, sir? My daughter. My only daughter. I work for my daughter and grandchildren too. Mom... After I graduate, I want to get married right away. Just go to sleep. Sis... We're having a barbecue tonight. Invite Fikri. Okay, sure. Thank you very much, Mr. Bogang. You're welcome, Dawam. How old is your child, sir? 20 years old. Do you have two children, sir? Yes. My child got married at 17 years old. The first grandchild is 2 years old. And the younger one you saw being carried, is only 8 months old. And now, they're in a tough spot. What does header mean sir? It means she's pregnant again. Pregnant again? A third child, sir? Yes. What does her husband do for work? It's unclear. We're out of milk. And out of baby food too. Can't we just feed the baby banana for now? We need more than just for today. You should find a steady job. You talk too much.
I'm waiting for a job opportunity. Stop nagging. You don't wait for a job, you go look for one. What do you mean? They're in the process of getting divorced. Oh. How can they handle three kids when the husband just sits around not working? Plus, their first child, has health issues. What kind of issues? Their growth and development, you know. It's usually called stunting. That's why, at home, they fight every day. The husband is physically abusive. So, I told them to get divorced. Don't forget to give some to your grandkids, Mr. Bogang. Yes, ma'am. Where do you live, Fikri? Near the stadium, sir. Are you in 12th grade too? Yes, I'm in the same class as Mila. After graduating high school, where do you plan to apply? It seems Mila doesn't want to go to college. After graduating high school, she wants to get married right away. You can study while married, right? Are you willing to do that, Fikri? You're awfully confident. Well? I'm not sure yet, sir. Sorry. Are you two in love? What do you think, Mila? Why do you want to get married so soon? Because we're not allowed to date. It's not me who forbids dating. It's our religion. Mom said, you date after you get married. So we should get married first then date, right? Back then, your mom and I were adults. We were stable and mature. That's why we were ready
to face any marriage problems. Any kind of problem. Let me tell you something. In marriage, 30% is happiness, and 70% is problems. Now, how do we change that to 70% happiness and 30% problems? The only way to do that is when the couple is truly mature. But being mature isn't just about age, right? For marriage,
age is part of maturity. Because you'll become a mother someday, right? Mila, you want to have children, don't you? Of course. And you want your children
to be a quality generation, right? Obviously. To give birth to quality children, your reproductive system needs to be healthy, right? It has to be healthy. It has to be ready. It has to be strong. According to doctors, the ideal age to become a mother is at least 19 years old. Over 20 is even better. I'm not trying to scare you. There are many examples now, right? Young marriages that are prone to problems. Here comes Grandpa. This is to buy rice. Grandpa's leaving now. Okay, see you. They're getting divorced. They fight every day. The husband is physically abusive. Did he tell you too? Mr. Bogang's grandchild, the oldest one isn't growing normally. Yeah. It's called stunting. Because the fetus wasn't cared for properly. Probably because the womb wasn't ready for pregnancy. So, do we agree now? Yes. We agree, sir. That's a lot, ma'am. It's fine, so the grandkids are happy. Go deliver it to them now. Okay, thank you so much. You're welcome. Marriage is like taking care of a mango. Marrying young is like caring for an unripe mango. An unripe mango, if cared for, can ripen. But it will never be sweet. If there's a mistake, it might even rot. Will a ripe mango always be sweet if cared for? No. Not all of them will be sweet. But at least, the chance of it being sweet is much higher. But with an unripe mango, it's impossible for it to be sweet. Which do you choose? Back to the original question. Why do you want to get married so soon? I don't know. Are you afraid of losing each other? Afraid of losing? I'm not forbidding you from loving each other. I'm not telling you to break up either. But dating isn't allowed. That's why, you should date after you're married. And get married when you're truly mature. It's hard. Don't make it hard on yourself. What if Fikri falls for another girl? Then he won't marry me. That's not fair. Let me flip the question. What if you, Mila, turned to another guy? That's impossible, sir. No. Don't say it's impossible. The world is full of possibilities. Isn't that right, Fikri? That's why you shouldn't be too lovesick. Just take it easy. Think of yourselves as just friends. If you're meant to be, you'll meet again. The key is not to be too obsessed. Hello, Assalamualikum. Yeah, I'm heading home after this. Waalaikumsalam. Sorry, it's a call from headquarters, sir. It's okay, send my regards to your parents. Will do, sir. Please say goodbye to mom for me. Alright, I'll be heading out now, sir. Goodbye, sir. Okay. See you. Take care. I'm sorry, dear. I might have upset you
when you're in love. It's okay, bro. Anyway, words of the day: A mango that ripens naturally on the tree tastes better than one that's artificially ripened. You sound like a fruit seller. ♪ The Sunday I've been waiting for ♪ ♪ You invited me to Grojogan Sewu ♪ Why are you working on your day off, bro? You'd be better off staying at home. Playing with your grandchild. I can do that after this afternoon, mom. How nice. So refreshing. Just like being at Grojogan Sewu. Mr. Yusuf. Are you there? Oh my, I'm so sorry, sir. It's alright. I haven't taken a bath yet anyway. Words of th day? Revenge are crueler. Give me a towel I thought you went to mosque since shubuh ago. I was slept on the garden last night. Get a towel, I'm take a bath now. ♪ Solo city, home of authentic art ♪ ♪ Beautiful dances with pure rhythm accompanying ♪ ♪ Many attractions from ancient times till now ♪ Words of the day? Sad. Why sad? For me, I'd rather be sad now and happy tomorrow. Than be happy now but, sad tomorrow. I'm confused. Why are you confused? Everything your dad said is 100% true. Our priority now is to study first. Go to college then work. When you and I are ready, we'll meet at the altar. Are we really breaking up? Of course we are. Words of the day... The moon and stars never embrace. But they share their light with the universe. Until we can be together, let's be like the moon and stars for now. Even though they're apart, they still share their light. What's our light then? Many things. It could be, it could be knowledge. It could also be motivation. It could be prayers too. Basically, our light is all positive things. But, we'll still get married, right? God willing. What's wrong? Why are you against "God willing"? Because you said it jokingly. "God willing" should be said seriously. I am serious. Okay. God willing, we will get married. Okay. ♪ Better to break up than continue ♪ ♪ This is enough ♪ ♪ Walking hand in hand but not on the same path ♪ ♪ No need to continue ♪ ♪ Your goal is to leave ♪ ♪ But you invite me north, that's the course of fate ♪ ♪ We really don't have to be together ♪

Transcript for:Insights on Relationships and Marriage

Transcript for:
Insights on Relationships and Marriage