Overview
Stephanie Yates, a licensed marriage and family therapist, discusses Virginia Satir’s five communication stances, highlighting how each impacts personal relationships and emotional growth. The video aims to help viewers identify their own communication style and provides guidance on achieving healthier, more effective communication.
Introduction to Communication Stances
- The five communication stances come from Virginia Satir’s human growth model.
- Only one stance is considered healthy for effective communication; the other four hinder emotional processing and relationship growth.
Dysfunctional Communication Stances
- Blamer: Focuses on blaming others for problems, avoids personal accountability, and creates a defensive environment.
- Irrelevant: Distracts with unrelated topics or humor to avoid addressing emotional issues, leading to emotional invalidation.
- Super Reasonable: Relies solely on logic and intellect, dismissing emotional needs and reducing intimacy.
- Placater: Prioritizes pleasing others and is overly apologetic, ignoring personal needs and often feeling lost or indecisive.
Reasons for Dysfunctional Styles
- These styles are often used to avoid feelings of rejection or abandonment and to create a false sense of safety during vulnerable moments.
- Relying on these patterns ultimately leads to isolation and prevents genuine connection.
Healthy Communication: Congruence
- Congruence involves self-understanding and expressing both thoughts and feelings honestly.
- Effective congruent communication recognizes one’s emotions and communicates them clearly to others.
Techniques for Achieving Congruence
- Engage in physical connection (e.g., holding hands) during vulnerable conversations to foster equality and honesty.
- Ask yourself key reflective questions: What do I hear and see? What meaning am I making? What feelings do I have? How do I feel about my feelings? What defenses do I use?
- Practice expressing your feelings directly instead of defaulting to a dysfunctional style, leading to more meaningful conversations.
Recommendations / Advice
- Regularly reflect on which communication stance you use most often.
- Use self-reflection questions to guide emotional expression and avoid dysfunctional patterns.
- Create an environment of honest and vulnerable communication with loved ones for healthier relationships.