Lecture Notes

Unconventional Childhood

• Jewish avocado and citrus growers in Southern California
• Father: Surgeon, Mother: Ranch runner
• Rescued donkeys
• Privileged yet strange early life

Father's Cancer Journey

• Diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer when the user was 3
• Initial prognosis: 6 months
• Treatment: Amputation, Chemo, Radiation
• Defied odds: Lived 7 more years
• Cancer returned when the user was 11
• Family lived between cancer scans

Survival Skills and Lasting Legacy

• Father taught survival skills anticipating his death
  • Eyeball squishing for self-defense
  • Dewey Decimal System
  • Soil nitrogen
  • United Nations member nations
• Undertook projects to provide for the family posthumously
  • Beekeeping: Stored honey
  • Planting trees
  • Dove coup for symbolic release at user's wedding

Discovery of Terminal Prescription

• Found unmarked pill bottle (right-to-die medication) at 16
• Understood father's threshold for pain and suffering
• Did not confront him about the discovery

The Final Goodbye

• Argument over college applications at age 16
• Father took medication shortly after
• Regret over not saying a proper goodbye

Coping Through Achievement

• Pursuit of academic and athletic success
• Achievements as a means to counteract feelings of guilt and shame
• Realization in mid-30s of exhaustion and unfulfillment

Healing Process

• Researched grief with specialists and therapists
• Wilderness experience to confront emotions
• Volunteered at a grief support organization for kids
  • Helped see the misplaced self-blame in grief

Personal Growth and Acceptance

• Realization: Guilt and shame do not equate to wrongdoing
• Life's challenges and losses as a learning process
• Loss of family home to wildfire, yet father’s honey survived

Mother's Passing

• Mother's quick cancer and right-to-die decision
• Conducted a living memorial service
• Emphasis on the importance of saying goodbye

Life's Paradoxical Nature

• Joy cannot exist without pain
• Happiness intertwined with sadness
• Embracing life's dualities
• Imaginary cosmic release form accepting the risks of living

Conclusion

• Accepting the full spectrum of life’s experiences
• Encouragement to embrace both joy and sorrow