Transcript for:
Signs of Time-Wasting Men

does it feel like majority of guys you meet nowadays are just here to waste your time do you wish you knew exactly how to spot the men who are time wasters before they even got a chance to do it well today is going to be lifechanging for you because on today's live show we're going to be discussing seven red flags men will waste your time that way you'll never again make the mistake of wasting valuable years of your life on a man who doesn't even want to build a relationship with you welcome to the Players Club if you're paying attention to me and everyone else in the live stream please say here a present so I know you're here present and actively participating okay how are you beautiful people doing we got uh Bas Beauty up in the YouTube chat we got Jazz up in the YouTube chat we got Missy America in the YouTube yoube chat holding it down for us as our moderator we got Ivy one of our most amazing OG channel members in the YouTube chat uh we got Cheryl as well I see we got Kayla here Tracy here Ashley is becoming an OG she's always here and she's always here on time always commenting we got Sharice of course holding down the Tik Tok chat we got sh here we got key here we got nah here Leila here excellent here Lily here oh Denise is here oh you beautiful souls are here on time and so early and you see I'm a little I'm I'm I'm kind of on time too you know what I mean we we all we all get in the hang of it we all we all here at the right time okay how you guys doing I'm glad see you guys I'm in a great mood today so you better be in a great mood today if you're not you're going to be in a great mood I don't care how you feel you're going to feel good now all right so let's get started here and of course we're going to discuss along the way so let's start off with no direction now no direction is something that I've talked to you guys before about you women okay [Music] and you we all need to have an understanding that no direction in all seriousness is actually really important and the men that you're meeting and the men that you're going on dates with you you need to have an understanding of if this man has direction or not I know in your heart that it's fun to be with the man who can spend till 4:00 a.m. on the phone with you every night and to fall asleep with you on FaceTime every night but the reality of it is the men that are capable of doing that with you all every all night every night all the time are The Men Who usually don't have a lot of Direction in their life which is why they're spending all of their time and energy on you okay so I need you to understand when you go into a relationship or a dating stage you you need to clearly identify if this man has direction or not because how he does life is how he'll do his relationships so if he does not have Direction in his life I can guarantee you 100% me I me Thompson I guarantee you that if he does not have Direction in his own life in his personal life he will not have Direction when it comes to your relationship so you they're one and the same so the best way to get an understanding of how a guy is going to go about you is to understand how he already goes about himself okay so um I'll give you an example of what I mean by no direction and then I'll give you a great way to spot if a guy has no Direction with a question okay so an example of a man who has no Direction uh for example would be a guy who uh doesn't know uh what he's pass about doesn't know what he wants to be doing in the next 5 to 10 years doesn't know where he wants to be uh usually I'll just give you a synopsis a guy who's probably working odd jobs with no sort of future goal or plan or a bigger Mission involved in that right there's nothing wrong with working an odd job to make money to do something else with the money right but there's something very different of working odd jobs just because you haven't found what you want to do yet this is the same reason why I tell you guys right for some of who are on the younger side and for some I hope you're not listening to me if you're under 20 years old cuz this is this this is like all rated stuff we talk about here but for those of you who are on the younger side that are dating men who are like under 20 it's part of the reason why I say I can't really help you too much with your questions because the men that you're dating when you're under 20 aren't even supposed to have their life together enough to know what they want and to have Direction anyways they're still figuring out so much about themselves their needs who they are how they fit into the world that they don't have any of those answers for themsel yet so there's no way they could possibly lead you anywhere except off a cliff okay right it's not to be mean but it's the process of people growing and maturing so if you're going to have someone lead you they have to first be able to lead themselves and majority of the time when a guy's under 20 years old there's no way he can lead himself me included okay I know you guys see me here I'm wearing salmon everything looks good and nice I look put together but in reality at years old I was still a work in progress I'm still work in progress now but even more so at 20 years old I had no idea what I wanted to do with my own life okay and so I just say that to say that's one of the things you need to be looking out for because a guy is definitely going to waste your time if he has no direction in his own life now as it relates to a great question that you can ask guys um to get an understanding of if he has no direction I know there's a lot of new people here some of you are OG's maybe you've heard me talk about this question it's a great question and uh for those of you who are new this will be great for you to get this uh understanding here so this really good question to get an understanding of the guys you're on dates with if they have no direction or not this is what I want you to ask them okay you can write this down you can screenshot screenshot this you can screen record this now if you want this direct quote that you'll never forget it and you can write it down in your notebook okay so the question goes if money wasn't an issue and you could do anything you you wanted with the rest of your life what would you be doing okay for those of you who are slow slow typers slow writers I'm going to say it one more time this is the question if money wasn't an issue and you could be doing anything you wanted for the rest of your life what would you be doing now the reason I tell you guys to ask this question and I see some people answering I would love for you guys to answer even yourself what you what your answer would be to this question I'd love to know uh uh how you guys feel about this okay I see some people answering and we'll we'll get to some of the answers in a second now the reason I tell you guys to ask this question is because it's a great way to gauge uh what matters to this guy outside of making money because that's usually going to consist of whatever he's passionate about whatever he cares about whatever um he wakes up in the morning like actually thinking about what what he wants to pursue and if he's already in the pursuit of that well then that should tell you very clearly that this man has Direction because in the in the life that he says he would like to live if money wasn't an issue this is the thing that he's already pursuing in his life so he's aligned you get what I'm saying now I'll be very very honest with you I'll be very honest with you majority of guys will not have the correct answer to this because they won't know where they're going why they're going in that direction or if they should even be going in that I'm just going to be honest with you okay we're not not trying to attract the average everyday mundane men to you we're trying to attract the do do dop upper echelon of men to you okay I'd be doing you a disservice I feel if I try to help you attract average men who couldn't do anything for you okay but the men who can actually do something for you will have the answer to this question okay and this is the thing that I want uh you guys to all understand uh um um mods if you could put that question in the in the chat for everyone just to just to pin it so they can see it again okay so the question is if money wasn't an is I want you guys listening up if money wasn't an issue and you could be doing anything your heart desires for the rest of your life what would you be doing okay and like I said there's a couple of common answers that a lot of people will give you a lot of guys will give you and even some of you gave it in the chat that I want you to be on the lookout for okay so one of the really really common answers that you're going to get with people when you ask them this question about the direction they want to take in Life or if what they want to be doing a lot of people are going to tell you they would love to travel that's what that's what a lot of people will tell you now this is a copout answer and even some of you gave this answer when you answer the question yourself this is a copout answer uh because this is very vague and it doesn't speak to any particular intention okay right and the reason it doesn't speak to any particular intention is because in traveling that doesn't necessarily tell me what you expect or want to extract from the experience of traveling so if a guy gives you that answer I would love to just travel then the next follow-up question you should ask him is okay what experience are you trying to extract from traveling okay it's not just enough to say I would love to travel because that's vague and it doesn't really mean anything that doesn't speak to any true desire that you have any true passion that you have or anything that you find interesting that's not attached to making money you understand what I'm saying and someone who is aligned will be able to tell you what experience they're trying to attract and why they want that experience or or why they want to do that thing uh regardless of them making money off of it because of how it fulfills them whatever it may be okay you understand what I'm saying and so uh that's very important and I'm telling you when you ask a question like this you're going to get some very very interesting answers now obviously you're going to get some really vague ones like traveling and you're also going to get some guys saying I don't know I'll be honest with you The Men Who say I don't know we probably tell you the same thing I don't know when you ask them where do you want to be in 5 years they'll say I don't know and I'll be super real with you when a guy is of the mindset I don't know where I want to be I don't know what matters to me aside for making money when he's of that mindset I can assure you that's a man with little to no direction in his life because anything he's doing is solely based on you know where he is at that moment uh what works for him at that moment what's convenient for him at that moment and see the problem with that is if that's how he goes about his job his career his own time what's going to happen is in his relationships when he's picking the woman that he wants to make the mother of his children rather than him having the critical thinking skills of being able to say to himself I want to be with this type of woman because I need this type of mother to my children because I know I'm this way because I know in relationship ship this is what uh helps me the most and this is how I want to go about my relationship right when a man is intentional and understands what his needs are he'll understand the type of person he's looking for so when he comes across you he'll know that you're the person he's looking for and he'll know the qualities and values and character traits and personality traits that you possess that are specific to you that he wants for a long-term relationship and it's very good for a guy it's that's what you want is that the man that you're with you want him to be sure about you and sure of why he's in this relationship with you specifically okay I know that sounds a little bit for some of you who are maybe on the younger side right haven't really have much experience in relationships you don't understand yet the importance of this but I can assure you it's monumentally important that when a man gets with you he understands why he's with you right and the reasons uh of of of why he's with you because if he doesn't understand that and he does isn't uh that's not something that uh is concrete in his mind when Temptation comes along Temptation in the form of other women who are also beautiful who also have huge dump trucks who also have volumptuous yies and nice smiles and are flirty and have lots of energy when that Temptation comes along and he doesn't have that understanding of why he's in this relationship specifically what's going to happen is your man's head is going to turn in each and every direction centered at whichever girl is giving him attention at that time because he's going to be like a dog chasing after his tail right just just with his tongue out wagging running around anything that moves with no understanding of hey why am I already in the relationship that I'm in right why am I with this girl already what value what um value is she bringing to me that I can't just go out and find in anyone right because that understanding of that value is what will keep him Saye and keep him not falling into temptation anytime a girl comes along and bats her eyelashes and shows off her dump truck you understand what I'm saying and and it prevents this is what uh stops men from being in the mentality of the shiny new toy where every new girl that comes along feels like the next best thing to him because she's shiny and new you understand what I'm saying and when you're on the more mature side there's nothing wrong with being younger you're learning this and you're actually you're at least um hearing this from me right but I'm sure for those of you who are on the more mature side that have even more experience in relationships you know exactly what I'm talking about when I refer to like that shiny new toy thing and how men can easily fall uh prey to the temptation of just another girl that's new that he's never seen before um that oh my God this is the next best new girl and then all of a sudden he forgets everything that he was building with you you don't want your man in that position and you don't want to be building a relationship with a man who has that mindset you want a man who understands that I'm with you for these specific particular reasons that are unique to you and that's the same reason why I'm with you instead of being with Sally across the street instead of being with Sarah from out of town instead of being with this girl or that girl you understand what I'm saying it's it's a very important foundation for him to uh set and have in his own mind that he carries around with him everywhere that he goes okay are we on the same page so far right does that make sense uh K kale says uh Kaye says how about uh we teach men integrity and uh uh impulse control uh I mean yeah in a perfect world that all men would have integrity and impulse control but in in the reality in the reality that we do live in not every man has that okay and that's why we're not trying to attract every man to you we're trying to attract the right man that has those qualities okay there are men who have those qualities it's just not every man but you're not going to be in a relationship and you're not going to marry every man you're going to marry one man so you only need one man out of the 8 billion to possess this quality okay so uh no Direction was number one now number two is being impatient okay now this is a very Telltale sign of a guy who just trying to waste your time when he's super super duper impatient and specifically when he's impatient when it comes to uh having pineapples okay and getting access to your Squirtle that that's a tell sign that he's trying to waste your time even being impatient not just even in this but being impatient in general in the relationship trying to uh speed things along as fast as possible and he doesn't like when you make him wait for things he doesn't like when you make when you try to Pace things he doesn't like when things don't aren't don't all come very easy and very quickly okay the same type of guys like this will have a problem if you uh try to make him uh schedule out dates and things like that we'll talk about scheduling in a little bit right but overall he's very very impatient in the relationship very impatient doesn't like to wait for anything doesn't like to do anything hard doesn't like to Pace himself whatsoever he wants things to happen very quickly he specifically wants you guys to jump right into having uh you know pineapples very quickly because he's not here to do this whole long thing where you're building and you're learning and you're growing no no no no no no time for that and so what guys are going to do when they're impatient is they're going to try to make you feel like this relationship is growing so much faster and more intense than anything you've ever seen in your entire life we had a really funny story I I don't I think I believe it was Leila from yesterday's Discord I don't know if Ila's here today but ilila from yesterday's Discord uh was telling a story of how she uh met this guy she didn't really meet him actually he was kind of in a circle of other friends and in the process of him being in a circle of other friends she was feeling his energy and she literally said in her message that she felt like she knew him like exactly she knew so much about him just by being near him in his presence now this isn't to make fun of Ila but this is the type of things I know she was thinking that but these are the type of things that guys will try to convince you of when they're impatient and they want to hop right into uh having pineapples with you because they want you to start to believe in the idea that despite the fact that we haven't spoken despite the fact that we don't really know each other despite the fact that we're both actually strangers to each other if I can manufacture this concept that our connection is so much deeper and vast and and and crazy than any other connection we've ever experienced in our life and if I get you to believe in that concept and that idea then you'll begin to act on that idea right you'll begin to act on our Rel relationship based on the idea that we've built this vast deep connection that is unlike anything either of us have ever we knew each other in a past life right it feels like I've known you forever things like that they'll tell you things like that and this is maybe one day we'll talk about this because it's like the it's like the advanced advanced player stuff and I'm telling you this because I used to use stuff like this okay it's the advanced advanced player stuff where they make you feel like people understand that there's a lot of people that want that believe in the spiritual and so um in the process of them believing in the spiritual there's a advanced advanced players that will play into that play into the spiritual side of relationships and make you feel as if the spiritual connection that we're sharing is above time and space and it's unlike anything we could ever actually justify or or or look at or see in reality and because you already want to believe in the spiritual when they start telling you those type of things um it makes it that much easier for you to be convinced by it because that's in the realm of things you would already want to believe in it's like advanced advanced stuff maybe we'll talk about that another day but these are part of the things that guys will try to tell you and get you to believe in so that they when because they know they're impatient so they need they know that they need a tunnel or an Avenue uh to circumvent uh the process of building with you before they get access to your Squirtle they want to make this quick easy painless and efficient okay and if they're going to do that they need to convince you that this is the right thing to do so that you feel like it was genuinely your own feelings and your own uh mind that brought you to that conclusion okay I'm telling you this because it works and I'm telling you this because I've used it it's the same reason why I tell you all that the most powerful way to get people to get men to do what you want to do is to plant seeds in them it's the same thing they were doing with you by the way thank you so much I want to acknowledge two people who donated uh one earlier was let me go up let me scroll up let me scroll up uh Julie do donated $5 in the YouTube chat earlier thank you so much to Julie I really really appreciate you and thank you to the people who donated a little bit on Tik Tok as well uh she donated $5 in the YouTube chat thank you Julie and style and Beauty uh donates $10 in the YouTube chat she says what do I say to a guy who claims to like me a lot but flakes on dates I plan on telling him uh that I need to be a priority in uh a man's life and I'm therefore walking away I still want him though uh styl and Beauty I advise you to not tell him that I know it sounds strange but I always tell you guys the best way to get uh to get a guy to act right is to withdraw your energy in the process of you withdrawing your energy let him come to you and ask you hey I've noticed you've withdrawn your energy did I do something wrong what's the issue then you can communicate to him hey look um I my expectation of a guy is this you don't say I want you to do this you say my expectation of any guy who's goingon to have access to me is this or that or this or that and then you leave it there for him to say oh I apologize I'm going to begin doing this I'm going to adjust my behavior right you don't ask him can you adjust this Behavior you just withdraw yourself then when he comes to you you let him know your expectation of a guy of a man that's going to be your man is going to be this and this if that's not him it's fine but that's your expectation of that's the only type of person that's going to get your time and attention and that's how you go about it because then he gets to make a decision or he feels like he's making a decision that oh if I want to be with her then I make this adjustment to be more like what she said she wanted and that's how you get a guy in the in the uh uh and that's how you get a relationship in the dynamic where he's chasing after your approval instead of you begging for things you understand what I'm saying okay I hope that makes sense right so a guy that's impatient is number two impatient specifically to get access to that Squirtle and and we've talked about some of the different tactics he's going to try to use to get access to that Squirtle okay so no Direction number one being impatient number two number three is a man who can't schedule okay a man who can't schedule is going to be wasting your time because the reason he can't schedule is really and truly honestly because he doesn't want to schedule things with you why because that's too too much work takes too much effort takes too much consistency takes too much Forward Thinking to have to schedule with you that's a tell tell sign uh o'keef just said it right there that he's lazy and if a guy's that lazy that he can't even plan or schedule a date with you or schedule some time to see you in the future then I can promise you he's not here to do anything hard okay that just spotting the time wasters is really spotting the guys who aren't here to do anything hard because if he's going to be chasing you or for some of you that like it better when I say pursuing you right that's going to take effort that's going to take actual deep desire and so spotting this uh spotting the men who don't have deep desire to pursue you will be very easy when you start looking at it uh from these a from the aspect of these particular actions when he can't schedule anything with you I can assure you he is not interested in building anything with you which means in turn he is just here to waste your time okay I'll I'm going to tell you that very simple now now now this is where we're going to talk about something that makes me mad that we've talked about before pen pal because some of you are in a position where you think you're building a relationship with a guy but you're actually wasting your time because you have a pen pal everyone in the chat say no pen pals no pen pals the reason I say that is because a lot of you for those of you who are new here and and they're like what is he talking about what does he mean when when he says pen pal a pen pal is a man that you message consistently all the time and even for some of you you call and you FaceTime but there is never any intention of actually seeing each other in real life and even if you talk about it sometimes you never actually do it you never actually see each other in three-dimensional space you only ever talk on the phone and talk talk about the idea of meeting up one day in real life and a lot of you oh it's an epidemic it's an epidemic it's a virus that needs to be taken out of this world it is a virus and for some of you you're with a man who can't schedule because he doesn't want to but you've convinced yourself that your pen pal actually wants to build a relationship with you but you continue to waste your time waste your time okay because you're with a man who clearly doesn't want to put in the effort of actually scheduling anything with you right and putting in effort of actually planning for the future with you and you're continuing to talk to this man despite the fact he's making it clear he doesn't have the ability or the desire to schedule anything with you because being in a long-distance relationship for for a lot of you that think you're in a long-distance relationship being in a long-distance relationship takes twice the effort twice the desire twice the intention because it's not like oh I can just pull up on you when I'm free no I got to plan to be free for in the next month or in the next three months I got to plan exactly how long I'm going to be fore I'm going to plan exactly what the itinerary is going to be for when we hang out you have to be so much more intentional when you're doing long distance and for some of you you're not thinking of that or realizing that and so you're allowing men into your life who are literally just here to waste your time some of them they just want to pen pile too they just want to chat with you right they just want to chat with you to have company for some of them they like chatting with you so they can wank themselves off you don't realize that but they're chatting with you and all of a sudden every single chat and conversation turns into dirty talk you're FaceTiming him your dump truck right he's FaceTiming you with his leg spread open wanking himself off your legs are spread wide open on the camera right rubbing yourself out and you guys are talking and he's just using you as uh you know live pineapple videos and some dirty talk to wank himself off and bust a nut to not doing anything not planning to actually see you in person not planning to actually build anything with you in person okay and this is part of the huge problem this is part of the epidemic this is part of the virus okay and I'll even give you an example of what I mean to when a guy can't schedule even aside from a pen pal so if you notice that you're dating a guy sorry you think you're dating a guy or you think you're getting to know a guy and you notice every time you you're texting him and uh you guys are talking about uh this conversation and that conversation getting to know each other and then the idea of you guys meeting up gets brought up he says well I'm busy this day or I'm busy all of next week or I'll let you know if I can or yeah for sure we should do it and then a week goes by and nothing ever gets set in stone and then two weeks goes by and it's still just kind of casual conversation about one day doing it until eventually you become frustrated and you're thinking to yourself why why can't we schedule anything and then for some of you it's even where uh even if he can't uh even if he does see you instead of him being able to say okay well you're not free this week are you free next week on Wednesday okay I'm going put Wednesday in on my calendar and then we'll hang out on Wednesday right for some of you it's the guy can only see you when it's convenient for him when it's 5 minutes before or when it's 10 minutes before okay and for some of you you're in a position where you're dating or you're seeing a guy who only has time to spend with you when uh he can uh get you to hang out right then and there it's a right now or it's never I only call you at 2:30 a.m. after I finish at the club or I can't hang out be bothered to text you or message you or try to plan or schedule anything with you either it's let's your either your door Dash and you come to my door and 45 minutes or less when I order you or I can't be bothered to speak to you that's the position that some of you are in with a man who can't schedule not realizing that that's one of the telltale signs that a guy is just going to waste your time and waste a lot of your time a lot of it okay Anitra in the uh in the YouTube chat sends uh $5 she says uh hamburgers or hot dogs I would say hamburgers okay so uh that was actually her question uh so that does that make sense to you guys so far right uh someone says that's not a red flag that's a hazard light a man who can schedule should I listen I consider a man who can't schedule a red flag because if he can't schedule with you if he can't if if he can't do that if he doesn't comprehend the ability to be able to schedule and plan with you how are you ever supposed to see that man in real life in person so what what flag is that supposed that's supposed to be a yellow flag that what that that's that that should be the ultimate red flag cuz how are you going to build a relationship with someone who can't even properly plan to see you in person where's the relationship going to come from is just going to exist in your mind forever okay this is like a a foundational element to being able to uh grow a relationship okay like that's like the ultimate red flag that's like the ultimate whatever you want to call it right make sense so uh no Direction number one being impatient number two he can't schedule number three number four and this is going to hurt some of your feelings please prepare please buckle up your seat belt please get strapped in okay it's going to hurt a lot of your feelings number four in terms of identifying a man who's going to be a time waster he's going to want to be moving at break neck speed you're not going to like this one because this one goes against every single one of your favorite Disney Princess movies where they fall in love in 5 minutes in your favorite uh Disney princess movie right everything happens in 5 minutes and when and when each of the main characters lays their eyes on each other they fall in love and everything is so magical and they get whisted off to a land far far away so in your mind you're thinking when you meet a guy that everything should be moving at break next speed and everything should happen in the first 5 minutes the same way it did in your favorite Disney princess movie I'm here to tell you that that is only a sign of a guy who's only trying to waste your time why because he's trying to move at break neck speed because he don't have time to be spending with you and wasting on you when he knows he's only here for one thing and one thing only and it's between your legs and for some of you who are really good at this it's your mouth as well and for some of you Weir girls it's your feet okay but my point being is he's only here for that thing and if he's only here for that thing he wants to get to it as quickly as possible all this chitchat Small Talk pretending like he likes you it's painful to him I'm telling you the truth I this is I told you this is going to hurt I'm telling you when as a guy when you know that you're only here to smash Small Talk pretending like I like you pretending like you're interesting laughing at your jokes as if you're funny it's painful it burns calories okay like it actually Burns me too many calories that I I don't want to consistently do it for too long so if I can move this along faster if I can get you to believe in something that will get this sped up we can I can get what I want way faster and I can spend way less time having to be so fake with you okay painful painful to be that fake with you when I know I'm just here for the one thing not saying this to be mean to you but I really want I really want you to understand this okay so if I know that it's painful for me to have to fake it with you because I know I'm just here for the one thing well then I'm going to try to move this along at break next speed and I'm going to try to get you convinced that this should be moving along at break next speak so what am I going to be doing I'm going to be doing things like love bombing you okay I'm going to be doing things like selling you on this dream oh you know I just when I laid my eyes on you it was love at first sight I seen your hourglass figure and your dump truck and your silhouette was just glistening in the shadows and then when I came up to you it just felt like it felt so magical similar to how I talked about uh uh being impatient and the type of things they'll say to you right it just felt so magical being around you and it just feels it just feels like home when we're together and and I don't even feel like I need to know you because it feels like I've already known you for so long right and just they're just trying to speed it up get it get it get it get it going get it going and you start believing in this and so when he's like yo I want you to move in tomorrow oh I want you to move in next month oh I know we just started talking but can you be my girlfriend already like I just I just feel like I already know that I want to marry you what's your ring sides and he'll start he'll just start talking this he's not going to do anything okay but he'll start talking this as if let's move this along yeah let's get this going I I already know that I really want you and I want to build this with you and then you're going to start to adopt the mindset that oh my God he's moving at break neck speed because he knows how much he likes me and the only reason he knows how much he likes me is because of how interested and how desire how much desire he has for me and so you start to think in your mind if I don't mirror that same amount of Desire back towards you then I'm the the person in the wrong here then I have the wrong idea then I'm there's something wrong with me and so even if you feel uncomfortable moving at break neck speed you convince yourself that you should also be moving at break neck speed because if you don't like him as much as he likes you then and he likes you this much and this connection is as deep as he says it is then you should be feeling the exact same way as him you should be on the same timeline as him even if it doesn't make any sense okay it's it's uh uh Daisy said Master manipulation yes this is like this is like stop upper echelon manipulation right if I can get you to believe in the idea that we should be moving at break next speed and I think about it if I start talking to you about how we're going to get married in 6 months about how I want you to have my baby and I want you to have all three and four of my children and I'm so ready to build this life with you and I'm so ready for you to move in with me think about it I'm I'm pitching you this and this idea where this is up here so what do you think you're going to think about us sleeping together you're going to think that's not even that big of a deal we're already going to live together in a couple months we're already going to get married in the next year I'm already going to BU have a family with you so us sleeping together that's not that's not a big deal on commitment all the other things you you just told me about those are way more of a commitment so obviously I'd be okay with sleeping with you that'd be perfectly fine right and just that fast and that's literally how long it lasts that's that's as long as it lasts okay and you're you're staring up at the ceiling counting the ceiling towels thinking about your Disney princess movie thinking about how this is just like your favorite Disney princess movie and this is your magical moment and by the time you can even finish uh fantasizing about your fantasy it's already over he's already busted a n and he's he's fallen asleep already okay so uh break neck speed is not good break break neck speed is a sign of a Time waster even though you feel like well is it wasting time if he's moving at break neck speed yes because after he finishes moving at break neck speed and getting uh access to what he wants to I was going to say breaking your back but we all know 90% of guys aren't breaking your back after he finishes moving at break neck speed getting what he wants out of you then he will proceed to move on from you but it's a Time waster for you because you've just invested yourself emotionally spiritually physically in a guy who you're not even going to end up with you get what I'm saying so it still ends up being a Time waster for you even if this happens uh during a short period of time any time spent on someone that you don't actually end up with is to be honest is a Time waster for you because what's the point okay aside from the Learning lesson but what's the actual point when you waste a body when you waste that connection or you you waste that investment that you put into a guy that you don't even end up being with okay does that make sense Angie said rearranging my guts is what men say uh one told me that I mean that's what they say how many of them actually do that okay I'm sure a lot of men a lot of men talk like that but when it comes time to pull out the hammer or in some cases the pencil and they Jack RB at you for 90 seconds I'm not sure if a lot of them are actually doing that I'm just I'm just telling you what the word on the on the street is what I hear from the from other women okay so anyways uh no Direction being impatient uh can't schedule break next speed and number five is no escalation now this is actually direct opposite to break next speed and I know some of you are going to say wait so you're telling me moving at break next speed is a Time waster type of guy but also no escalation is a Time waster type of guy Thomason you're contradicting yourself Thomson you have no idea what you're talking about Thomson you're an actual idiot you just said two things that are complete opposite and it makes no sense what you're saying now everything you're saying must be a lie because you're a dummy hold on what I'm saying is that when you're finding someone who's not actually here to waste your time they will be moving at a realistic timeline there will be Pace to what he's doing but it will increase in terms of its intensity over time meaning excuse me it won't be moving at I always tell you guys balance is the is the most important thing I'm never going to teach you any sort of ideology uh that you should live your life in one extreme or the other okay everything about how you're supposed to be building relationships is going to be about the balance that you can find in a relationship now when I talk about no escalation you don't want a guy to be trying to move things at break neck speed that's going to be a sign that he's trying to get this over with quickly and efficiently right but you also don't want to be spending your time with a guy who has no escalation and ABC uh just said it in the chat or progression no progression would be an even better uh word for it right um because if there's no progression if there's no growth right then you're never going to uh be in a position where uh things are taking the next step and if things aren't taking the next step well what are you going to be you're just going to be in limbo you're just going to be stagnant there not understanding uh why things aren't moving forward right a great examp example of no escalation would be dating a guy um for 6 7 8 n months right you're going on a year now that you're dating a guy and you've never met any of his friends you've never met anybody in his family right and he seems to only want to hang out with you isolated from everyone else and keep you separated from anything else that's going on in his life that's a great great great example of no escalation and a lot of guys will do that to you because they only plan on using you for what they want to use you for and they have a subconscious understanding in their mind that you're you're you're a temporary thing not a permanent thing so there's no need for them to be introducing you to the mother and the father or the brothers or the sisters or or the even the best friends because they subconsciously understand I'm only here to waste my own time and her time for some men they're wasting their time by they just want access to your Squirtle why they while they figure things out and and find the girl that they're actually looking for I know it sounds horrible but that's what some men are doing and so they're not trying to escalate anything further along than it needs to go than just being your friends with benefits or being this casual thing where uh he can sleep with you okay guys don't mind confusion they they actually would love confusion because it'll keep you confused just waiting for something to happen guys don't mind confusion as long as it comes with you continuing to sleep with them okay guys don't care what what the title is guys don't care if you're confused guys don't care if you don't have answers as long as you continue sleep with him and he continues getting what he wants he'll try to keep you in that place for as long as possible without escalating things any further and every time you come to him and you say you know I just I feel like we've been we've been friends with benefits for like a year and a half now and I just you know I just feel like I I feel like you you don't really want to date me and I feel like I feel like if at this point you know it's it's been a year and a half I I feel like you should kind of know if you wanted me to be your girlfriend or not and and I just feel like since you haven't asked me to be your girlfriend and you always shut it down like I just feel like maybe maybe you you don't take this seriously and then what's he going to tell you when you say that he's going to say no what I take this so serious don't you see how serious this is to me I mean you come over to my house don't you I mean I let you cook me food don't don't I I mean I let you uh do my laundry at my place don't I I let you clean my house don't I I let you rub my feet don't I don't you see how serious this is our relationship is so serious you're basically like moved in here except for when you're not here and I have other girls over sleeping in the bed having pineapples with them instead but for the most part it's like super serious isn't it wouldn't you say that and that's the problem is that as soon when you hear that you just go back to being like oh well I guess I mean yeah I guess you're right right I guess you're right not realizing that he actually hasn't said anything or done anything to escalate the relationship but he's just kind of he's throwing you enough of a breadcrumb that your little sad little mouse mouth will eat it all up and you're you're you're at least good until the next time you complain okay it'll hold you until the next time you start starving again in which case he'll give you another story about how things are about to happen or maybe they're going to happen or isn't this that right he'll give you some hope that you can chew on until you get tired again okay that's why hope can be such a dangerous thing hope will literally have you waiting for a man who is never planning on building anything with you okay so like I said yes you don't want a guy who's trying to move things at break neck speed but you also don't want a man uh who is having no sort of escalation or no progression in the relationship where nothing is happening you're still friends with benefits 2 years into the Rel relationship and you're sitting here wondering why he hasn't put a title on it and I know that some of you are really going through this and I I know this from listening to the Discord by the way you guys know we're going to hop into the Discord in in a little bit so if you have a Discord question for me please make sure to go to the link in my bio and ask your Discord question or if you're on YouTube go into the uh Link in the description and ask the Discord question okay by the way if you guys have missed any of the points that we've done of the seven go over to my YouTube page which is right on the top of my head I just type in my name and then you can rewind it once you find my YouTube page cuz I'm Live on YouTube at the same time okay just make sure you guys know so uh no Direction was number one being impatient number two right you can't schedule number three number uh four is moving at break next speed number five no escalation number six is something that you probably is not going to make a lot of sense to you okay number six is pointless apologies now uh this is something that a lot of guys are going to do to you when they don't have a real intention of building something with you you have to understand when a guy is here to build something with you build a relationship with you right there's obviously going to be a process in which you guys disagree you don't see eye to eye both sides both parties are going to make mistakes one person's going to do things to hurt the other person and then there's a process of apologizing for that but also acknowledging why that happened and then figuring out how you can adjust the behavior so that that thing doesn't continue to happen you understand what I'm saying right and so in the process of that oh thank you so much I appreciate uh the uh gift Sammy uh in the uh Tik Tok chat that was a really generous gift of you thank you Sami is the number one gifter in the uh Tik Tok chat so thank you so much I appreciate that um so right and the thing about it is as guys are going to uh as you're building this relationship with a guy or you think you're building one with a guy what should be happening is in the process of him making mistakes he's going to apologize for those mistakes but the apology won't just be an apology the apology will also be followed by some sort of course of action to come to a resolution where that thing doesn't continue to be an issue why because if I'm trying to build a relationship with you right and I want this relationship to actually work out I don't want problems in our relationship to continue being problems forever so if there's something I do that you have an issue with but I don't actually focus on trying to solve that issue well then that issue is going to continue being an issue that never gets solved so then how are we supposed to build a relationship on an ongoing issue that lasts forever you can't right that's like saying that's like saying let's say for example a guy says oh I only cheated on you because I was drunk and out with my boys and I didn't know what I was doing and we went to an Afterparty and we had all these girls around and everything just kind of fell apart and I made a mistake and then they apologized for that but then literally the next week they're getting blackout trunk with their boys going out to an AP with a whole bunch of random girls around it's like well if you know that getting drunk is your problem and going out to the club with your boys is an issue then you need to be figuring out how you're going to solve those issues maybe you got to stop drinking if you know when you get drunk you can't make good decisions and you're a horrible decision Mak maker when you get drunk and you can't think straight then you're probably going to have to solve the issue of getting drunk or if you enjoy getting drunk you go out to events or in places where you're not in a position that you could even have the option to cheat or you avoid going to these After parties where you can actually have a bedroom to take a girl home with you or whatever right there has to be some sort of course of action it can't just be yeah I'm sorry about doing the thing and let's hope that I don't do the thing anymore there has to actually be a course of action where no I apologize for doing the thing but here's the course of action so that the thing isn't an ongoing thing I'll be the first to tell you there will be quite a few men who can't do this trust you me I just I just be honest with you there'll be quite a few men who can't do this and don't have the critical thinking skills to be able to do this okay some of them are just idiots and some of them don't have the desire to do it because they don't even want to build anything with you long term either way you don't want those men because either way those men are going to waste your time right cuz if they're only going to give you pointless apologies without any course of action or way to resolve the conflict for the future it will continue being an issue at one point right so which because it continues being an ongoing issue you'll continue to become increasingly frustrated because of that ongoing issue until eventually you will reach a Breaking Point in which you will then cut this off or just have some huge blow up and the relationship will end one way or another the relationship will end and so in turn it becomes a huge waste of your time because you've invested a whole bunch of time and energy into someone only for this relationship to not work out because they weren't willing to actually make the adjustment necessary to help this relationship for the future they just kept pointlessly apologizing without any course of action or any sort of changes right and you don't want a man who's going to give you pointless apologies it's the same and you'll be able trust me we're talking about this as you grow I know it sounds a little bit complicated but as you grow in your relationships and you hear my voice you'll start hearing my voice and seeing my face in your sleep when you're on the toilet when you're taking a shower when you're doing anything because as we continue talking about this and this is on the front of your mind you'll be easy you it'll make it easier for you to identify when a guy is not actually taking any courses of action to try to change things or adjust things and just chatting you up to make you feel like something's about to change but nothing ever changes and you'll get the sense of that very early on and you'll say to yourself yeah I'm I'm going to wipe my hands clean of this guy because it doesn't make sense for me to be sitting here and hearing you give me some cheap apology knowing that you're not actually going to change the way you go about this and nothing's actually going to change because you're just going to apologize and then do the same thing anyways so why do I care why do you care why does anybody care let's all stop right so you you you don't want that you don't want that okay so number one was uh no Direction Number Two was a man who's super impatient number three a man who can't schedule number four a man who's moving at break next speed number five uh no escalation right and then number six pointless apologies number seven it's going to be painful number seven empty promises okay see like I said earlier hope is a a very very dangerous thing because hope will have you believing in something that is never going to happen and what a lot of men will do when they want to take advantage of you is they'll feed you a whole bunch of empty promises that will get you excited on the possibilities notice I said possibilities notice I said possibilities of the relationship and of the future hoping that you will this is these all kind of serve the same purpose for the man because they'll get easier access to you but they're hoping that you will cash in on your hope ticket right your lottery ticket of Hope because of what you think things are about to be okay so what do I mean by that I'll give you a a little bit more of an analogy okay imagine uh me and you were friends and I told you hey uh I got a secret for you and you're like wait a secret yeah I'm like I I want to do something very special for you it's it's a little secret um don't tell anyone about this but this is going to change your life and you're like okay what's the secret and I'm like look I have a winning lottery ticket this lottery ticket is worth a million dollars so when you go cash this in you're going to win a million I'm going to give you this lottery ticket and I promise you in uh a month when you cash in this lottery ticket you're going to win a million dollar give me $500,000 and you can keep a $100,000 I promise you money's yours so what's going to happen if is in the next month when you have the belief if I'm your friend and you trust me and you believe that I've actually given you a winning lottery ticket what's going to happen is let's say you were struggling up until that point you are barely getting by pay living paycheck to paycheck and you really had to budget your money so so tightly in order to be able to just live on a on a everyday basis what's going to happen is for the next month rather than being tight with your budget and rather than being really meticulous with all your spending to make sure every penny is accounted for you're going to start living your life as if you've already cashed in that check why because you're expecting this money to come to you and because you're expecting this money to be yours and to come to you you're going to start going about your life as if you already have that money in your hand and so the money that you do have even though you're supposed to be budgeting it it won't be as important to you to budget that money because you're looking ahead to the future of when you have even more money and you're going to be looking ahead to how easy and amazing your life is going to be when you have all that extra money so you're going to spend your little money as if it's extra money the problem comes when you go into to uh hand in that lottery ticket and you realize your lottery ticket's not a winning ticket and then you look back and you think to yourself you're like oh my gosh I'm in a horrible place because I just spent all my money as if I was going to win $500,000 but I don't have $500,000 so what am I supposed to do now I'm broke I got to declare bankruptcy or something like that right and the reason I give that analogy in that example is because it's the same thing with the empty promises guys are going to waste a lot of your time promising you things that are about to come you begin living your life with the uh understanding that this thing is about to come and you'll begin acting on the idea that this thing is about to happen just now in a couple days in a couple weeks in a couple seconds right so they'll have you believing in things like oh we're going to get married oh my God you're going to be the mother of my children oh my God you're going to have my babies oh my God I can't wait to uh get into this relationship with you even though we just started dating yesterday I already know that you're going to be my girlfriend and I already know in a couple weeks I want you to move in with me right that's when he's handing you the lottery ticket telling you it's going to it's going to give you a million dollars so then when you start going about the relationship uh you know going to his place sleeping over making him dinner uh cleaning his laundry sweeping his house doing everything that you think a wife should be doing because he's telling you that you're about to be a wife in the next couple of weeks sleeping with him right you're about to be a wife in the next couple of weeks well then what happens you do all of those things thinking that that's coming to you and then in a month time it doesn't come in 2 months time it doesn't come in 3 4 5 6 7 a year time it never comes and you just spent a year of your life spending all of your budget or in this case giving him all of the wife treatment you thought you were going to receive sorry you thought of the title that you thought you were going to receive and you never ended up receiving that thing and this is the thing you'll start to notice when guys are giving you empty promises when he continuously talks about things that he's about to do with you in this relationship and you start to realize none of those things actually ever come to fruition right just meaning comes to end up being reality so for example a guy that tells you a guy that you're a penp pal with that's telling you oh I can't wait to meet you I can't wait to take you out on a date and take you to this fancy place and that fancy place and you're thinking in your mind okay yeah it's about to happen it's about to happen we're about to do the thing and then one week 2 weeks 3 weeks and it's nothing but excuses or for some of you in in a situation where every time you spend uh with a guy it's at his place and then you're like look we only spend time at your place and then instead of him actually planning a date with you he tells you no look I guarantee you in the next when I get paid next we'll go out on this date to this place and we'll do this and we'll do that or just in the next couple of months we'll do this or we'll do that or we'll do right and he sells you on that idea but that date that he's talking about never comes instead for the next one week two weeks 3 weeks four weeks you just continuously end up going over to his house for one excuse or the it's cold outside oh I got this to go on oh I don't have time oh there's no reservation oh there it's it's one issue or another and in the end you never end up going out on that date you get it you get what I'm saying okay uh Marana King uh donates $5 in YouTube chat thank you so much Mariana she says you're giving us pris this advice you're truly amazing no more time wasting I would hope I would hope all of you beautiful amazing people do not waste any time any more time was there someone that donated earlier in the YouTube chat I hope I didn't miss it let me just see here make sure I didn't miss any okay I don't think I missed it okay thank you so much for your donation I appreciate you okay so does that make sense to you guys or are you guys confused about anything do you guys have any questions about what we just discussed right uh ARA says how is all of this for free uh good things happen to good people okay uh so uh you just got to accept it good things happen to good people uh why are some guys kind of invasive after a breakup like they'll uh befriend us oops what did it say like they'll befriend us befriend your friends and all um that that that could be probably just to get into your head you understand what I'm saying that could be to get into your head okay uh let me see here thank you guys too I want to acknowledge you guys that donate you guys are so generous with the donation so I don't ever want you guys to think um that I'm not super appreciative of all the donations that you guys give you guys uh really help support the show here right uh someone says what about a guy uh who says it takes patience well yes this is why I say you you want your life to be um in in a balanced State you don't want to be on one extreme or the other so you don't want to be moving at break next speed in your relationships but you also there needs to be an element of escalation that goes on throughout the span of the relationship it can't all just be hey uh just wait for patience and you're still friends with benefits or just wait for patience and you're still just coming over to his house uh watching Netflix and then getting a jack rabbited for 90 seconds and getting sent on your way home that's not patience you understand what I'm saying and this is the thing you'll start to feel I promise you when you gain a better understanding of this stuff you'll start to feel and be able to identify uh the difference between someone who's like pacing themselves and actually intentional about you and someone who's just like you know saying that just to string you along there's a big difference and you'll notice the difference in the amount of intention he has with you and the amount of consistency and how he treats the relationship okay but there's a balance there it's not meant to be all of one thing or the other you understand what I'm saying someone says wanting an avoidant uh that's attached to get it together should I even bother uh you got to let guys make their own decision about uh if they really want to be with you or not that's why I always tell you uh don't be don't be trying to stimulate guys to like you and want you more do nothing and then see what he does see what he does uh someone says have you read what men don't want women to know by Smith and do no I haven't is it a good book did I talk about some of the things that that that is in that book okay um someone uh liba says what about the guy who said he wants me but he's in a committed relationship uh I'd never advise any of you to be trying to build a relationship with a guy who's in a committed relationship because uh you'll only end up hurting yourself you'll never be the priority to a guy who's already in a community relationship okay um okay by the way if you guys have personal situations that you want me to answer right you have a personal like actual special situation I'll never be able to give you a real proper answer um when you you only give me one sentence so we're going to hop into the Discord in a second and you need to go and send your question into the Discord where I can where you can send it it in in multiple characters and I'll answer your question live on the show so for someone like pound cake says my ex stopped dating me after we had a kid go send your question in on the Discord so that you can put in all of the detail and I can answer your question live on the show you understand what I'm saying and you can and it can I can give you a more detailed answer okay the Discord for those of you who are on Tik Tok is in my link in my bio and then for those of you who are on YouTube um it's in the link in my description there okay uh what is it uh Kelsey says uh my age simply won't uh men my age simply won't notice me or just end up stringing me along to pursue another girl they find attractive I've tried everything and I'm just disappointed and burnt out on all the Mayhem well here's the thing is first of all I'm a very a big believer and uh you are what you believe you are and your life is exactly what you believe it is so if you believe that men continuously Overlook you and you don't matter to them then that's what your life will be okay and uh you're not going to be able to unsee that if that's what your belief is um of yourself and so I think that the first step if that is what your true belief is then the first step to actually seeing something different is to gain confidence in yourself by investing some time in energy into you um it could be by going to the gym it could be by doing whatever makes you happy painting drawing it could be by taking care of yourself your skin your hair your nails whatever that will increase your confidence in you that will make you actually feel like you're the it girl because when you actually feel like you're the it girl you're you're you're going to start manifesting that in your actual life because that confidence that aura that you carry around with you I see a lot of people saying Aura nowadays I've been saying that but the aura that you carry around with you people will actually be able to receive that from you and when they receive that from you they will treat you as such and so you'll begin to see the confirmation of what you already believe in your mind so if you believe that you're overlooked and men don't really find you very interesting um then that's exactly what will happen but you need to fix your confidence in yourself if you actually want to see something different okay right uh let me see here bass Beauty says I'm attractive uh AF that have so many wealthy men with golden retriever energy wanting to show uh me they are the one that's exactly what you want to be believing okay I and I want you guys to believe that and I want you guys to continue investing in yourself so that you can truly believe that when you look in the mirror you actually like nah I I am it nah my dump truck actually is hitting nah I really do look like a model nah I really am that girl you know what I mean like and actually believe it cuz as you actually believe it you'll begin manifesting it into your real life you understand and and you'll begin seeing confirmations of it in your real life I 100 100% guarantee you you don't believe in the law of attract you don't even have to believe in the Law of Attraction okay for this to work because that's just the law of the universe okay but I can Pro assure you you will manifest whatever you believe in your mind okay right uh PR I says I agree I lost 97 pounds and my confidence is high I am the woman I am now I agree with you I lost 100 pounds as well so 100% I can age I can I can see the thing is this is the amazing part is that I don't talk to you guys out of my butt from a place of yeah you know um I'm just a guy who's never had to experience anything but like take my advice on what you should probably do to improve yourself no I'm actually someone who had to look myself in the mirror and make improvements of myself you know and increase my own confidence in myself so even when I say things like going to the gym to increase your confidence in yourself those are part of the things that I actually did to lose 100 lb and increase my confidence in myself I'm not just talking out of my butt you understand what I'm saying okay with that being said it's time it's time chat let everyone know what time it is for those who are confused and don't know what this is all about you'll have no idea what time it is but I'm here to tell you it's a very very very very special time it's that time of the day where we all get to say the things that we've been doing in our relationships and the things that have led us to our dismay it's a happy day it's a sad day and it's a day for learning all kinds of ways [Applause] Discord let's get it let's get it it's discore time let's do this let's do this let's do this for those of you who are new you probably don't know what Discord time is but you shall learn by the way Anna thank you so much for the $20 donation please everyone give Anna a round of applause and it just donated in uh the uh in in the YouTube chat there and I really appreciate the $20 donation she says just thank you thank you for the donation okay so for those of you who are unfamiliar this is where all the players club members get to ask me their personal questions about their relationships and their situationships and their everything thing ships and I will answer them and give my honest opinion live on the show you see we got lots of submissions here all of these that are highlighted are ones that I haven't answered so I have to scroll back to the bottom because this is cued in terms of date posted so that I can answer everyone on a first come first serve basis okay so my apologies that there's a lot of questions a lot of people have a lot of questions okay so Jade babe says stepping outside the house hey Thomasson so I'm officially dating app free thank the Lord I'm officially dating app free for about 3 months um and it's a lot more freeing I'm so glad I met uh very handsome men some very generous but they all turned out to be very clingy or crazy isn't that kind of good for you if they're clingy that's kind of good for you kind of right maybe not the crazy part basically it's another Craigslist version of meeting people wait what oh yeah on the dating app yeah I've realized I need to meet someone in the places they would actually be I registered to an an MMA gym recently okay okay you all right okay you you got it on okay little little box you got some hands on you um lots of masculine men there I'll agree with that one problem I don't find men approaching me which uh I know won't happen soon so so soon but my coach came up uh and asked me how old I was and I said 27 he looked at me like I had five heads because he thought I was 17 I I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing uh some men heard our convo and were in a shock as well so now I know why men might not want to approach me in the gym in gym clothes uh cuz the gym clothes make me look underage okay uh regular clothes I can a pull off 20 to 24 in my what type of gym clothes are you wearing that they make you look so underage though I'm I'm kind of confused a little bit okay uh how long do you think it would take for a man to approach uh in general when attending to a place like this they would expect me in class from time to time so I feel like waiting for the right opportunity might be a man strategy any tips suggestions I'm very serious uh but when me and my sparring partner a girl as well uh I'm I'm very Smiley and sweet caught a few eyes glancing at me okay so Jade Bab I actually think well I do still tell you I don't think that you should be doing something specifically just to meet more boys but you know what I'll say congratulations to you because at least you started stepping out of your house and doing something that I hope that you enjoy this thing and that's good because honestly that's the first that's the first step to something even happening even if you don't meet someone at the MMA gym maybe you meet someone on the way to the MMA gym or on the way back or in the parking lot or whatever you never know soon as you step outside of your house the possibilities are endless so I need to give you a round of applause and congratulate you on that because this is where your life starts this is where your real life starts okay and here's the thing I need you to understand this is the amazing T Jade babe this is the amazing uh thing about doing something especially what you're doing where you're doing it on a regular basis where you have scheduled classes ongoing because you begin to become a part of a community so what ends up happening is rather than a guy feeling the pressure of having to give you some weird uh pickup line because he sees you at a bar and it's just randomly seeing you at a bar you're part of a community of people where you build friendships and you all get to know each other right and in the process of getting to know each other obviously there will be guys that are attracted to you but not every guy is going to come off up to you right off the bat simply because you have to also understand those men are also not trying to come across as creeps and be too upfront and they also understand that you you have to I know that in your mind you're thinking I'm open for anyone to meet me but you have to also understand from their perspective they don't know that you're open to meeting people and dating new people right that's not something that they would just automatically know so there are uh going to be men that find you attractive or interesting that might uh just be like you said waiting for their the proper approach because they don't want to come across as pushy or too forward when you might not be there to meet new people to date do you want understand and they're not going to make the assumption that you're there to meet new people to date so they don't want to approach you the same way they approach someone that they saw at a bar when it's a little bit more obvious that those people are probably more single and open to meeting new people to date you understand what I'm saying so be patient because those men might still be interested in you but just developing their strategy or building even up the confidence and the courage to go up to you or say something to you that's kind of in the flow of what you guys are doing so they don't come across as like hey I like your but can you give me your number type of thing you understand what I'm saying and this is the most amazing part about attending a a class or being a part of a community where you're seeing people regularly because in the process of them seeing you regularly and you seeing them regularly right it B it builds that comfortability um that allows for both of you to be in a whole bunch of possible situations where you guys might start sparring with each other or you guys might have to use each other as partners or as a demonstration or whatever it may be that brings you and someone else together in the uh in the spawn of that class and then slowly but surely you can begin developing a relationship with someone that's in that class and you never know how that might develop but there's so many possibilities of it developing with someone because you're seeing them on that regular basis so honestly Jade bab I don't want you to be discouraged that it hasn't happened on the first day I can assure you when you when you put yourself when you go outside and especially when you start uh uh being a part of a community like this you're going to be building so many friendships this will come naturally without you even having to try um especially if you're an attractive woman you you will not have to try for this to happen I promise you even if let's let's let's be so for real even if guys thought you were 17 there's still going to be some guys that will approach you okay let's just let's just tell it for what it really is okay and don't you worry don't get your panties in a bunch and don't be all out of bent out of shape because it hasn't happened in the first 30 seconds of you walking into the gym understand that you're still in an MMA gym so guys aren't going to approach you as aggressively as they would if you were walking into a bar with a whole bunch of drunk men you understand what I'm saying but that's still a good thing you're going to have guys approach you the right way and more than likely they're going to try to approach you on some respectful stuff because they they don't assume that you're just one of these lowquality women here to mess around okay which is good you want that so just be patient is my is my complete answer for you uh next we have here make sure I'm in the right order uh next we have here let's see here so many uh we have a a says you're amazing quick question okay uh she says hi Thompson thank you for answering my question about my elderly husband right uh an affair I would like to know what your advice would be to to give your past self in terms of relationship and dating um I guess my advice to myself would just be to uh to accept the reality that that even in the people that you're dating and that you're in relationships with every listen it's a painful reality but everyone is looking out for how they can best serve themselves even the people that want to tell you that they're the most generous the most for the most uh giving people ever at the end of the day people are self- serving before they can ever be trying to serve you that's not a crime but you need to the the the realization that uh advice that I would give myself is understand in your relationships and even your friend ship understand how you can uh um find a place in your relationships where you both serve each other in the way that you need to be served right so figure out how you serve someone else and accept that as the reason that they're with you because of how you serve them and then figure out how they serve you as well and figure out if you can find an overlap where both of you are happy with the way you're serving each other because if you're only thinking hey I'm expecting to date someone that's never thinking about themselves or never thinking about how they'll they'll to how this situation will serve themselves well then you're lying to yourself and you'll be really confused when people do things that are in the best interest of themselves and not in the best interest of you I used to be really hurt when I would see people or feel like people were doing things in the best interest of themselves that might not necessarily have taken me into account but then I realized that actually has nothing to do with me and it only has to do with the fact that they're going to try to serve themselves before they're going to try to serve me and that's not a crime that's not even a bad thing you have to figure out how to take care of yourself be whole and then see what extra you can bring to a relationship and that's when you'll bring the best version of yourself to a relationship that's my advice to me and that would be my advice to the rest of you as well okay so um next we have here let's see uh Noella no no NOA Nua NOA nuia NOA I think it'sa okay I like that name though I like it uh how to carry yourself as a high value woman what to do and what to avoid uh okay so I'll answer this one first just seems like three small questions so um now here's the thing I always want to be weary of telling you guys what you should be doing or not doing as a woman because I'm not a woman so I can't tell you what the best version of a woman is when I'm not a woman however if you want to be putting yourself in the best light right you my whole thing is you should always be at all points if you want to be seen as high value to the men you should always be focused on two things as woman respect and fear I know those don't sound magical and I don't I know and I know those don't sound Fantastical but respect and fear will get you exactly what most of you are looking for in a relationship which is a guy to treat you the right way which is a guy to uh uh be respectful towards you which is a guy to give you princess treatment and which is a guy to not cheat on you and not go behind your back and not try to manipulate you or use you those don't really come from adoration and love and appreciation those truthfully and honestly come from a place of respect and fear because when they respect you and they respect your boundaries and they respect your opinions right they'll treat you as an individual and they'll actually be thinking about what you want and what you need and what you desire and how they can adjust and fit for that when they fear you they'll be in fear that if they don't do the right thing or they don't treat you the right way then they'll lose access to you and then some other guy will come along and he'll treat you way better than he has and he'll never get access to you again so he'll stand up straight and he'll actually try to be the man that you need him to be okay so respect and fear are the two things that I think if you want to be a quote unquote high value woman that you should be after because respect and fear will get you to be treated the way that I know most of you want to be treated in a relationship does that make sense right uh number two you said is it okay to say hi first when you see him for the first time I would advise you if you're making the most you should ever be doing is making eye contact with the guy and through your eye contact we talked about that in a in a previous live stream how to flirt with men um and making eye contact to give him the signal that hey I'm actually interested in you and I would allow you to approach me anything outside of that I don't recommend you to do simply because the moment you go up to a guy or approach him you've already set the groundwork that hey I'm pursuing you so then he gets to sit back and say okay let's see what you got it's not good for you it's not a good position for you to be in as a woman uh what to where for the first time you meet him to capture his attention and leave a good impression this is pretty particular to each individual man so I wouldn't be able to just give you a blanket statement um um not understanding what your specific situation is it's also particular to your own individual Aesthetics you could be uh a girl with super volumptuous you know yitties and maybe you want to show off those and way that you dress you could be someone with a nice hourglass figure you want to show off that you could be someone who likes dressing like a tomboy and maybe that's just how you want to appro or maybe he likes tomboys I don't know okay but that's really a preference thing my advice to you in terms of capturing if you want to capture attention initially here's the thing I don't want you to I get I get where you're coming from but my larger piece of advice if you're meeting a stranger would be to just be true to yourself and wear what you feel the most confident in there's nothing wrong with wearing what your boyfriend finds the the most attractive on you when you're that's your boyfriend but for these strangers that you don't know it's better to just wear what you feel the most confident in simply because that will give you the most confidence and then you'll outwardly exude the confidence on that date which is what's more important because like I said what you wear is going to be kind of a function of that will impress him or captures intention will be a function of what he finds the most interesting and that's a preference thing so it's better to have the confidence in yourself when you go out on a date with the stranger with with a new person that you can use that confidence to actually you know have him be more interested in you and be more desirable now if it's a if it's a guy that you're dating for a while like this is your boyfriend then you can just ask him that's your boyfriend and then he'll tell you what he likes the best on you okay uh so I hope that that was that that was that was good advice for you next we have here let's see let's see let's see let's see let's see let's see uh longdistance relationship uh situationship keep cooking or un cooking by the way thank you guys so much and advice to those of you who are trying to type in your question right now please keep it under the character count like I know some of you may have to go into a part two but try as much to keep it under the initial character count and fit it in the I think it's 2,000 words cuz over that sometimes some some of you just end up rambling and you know you want to keep it uh focused on the point uh hi Thomson I took all your prior advice and let my long distance relationship cook unlike the Disney Princess timelines as you mentioned uh you're 36 and the man is 41 to refresh your memory I've been dating SL chatting with him since February March we met online I know uh this is not your ideal of no it's not but let's see how this goes our first date happened on April 2nd uh may he flew us both for a weekend getaway in another state okay so he balling balling third date he flew me out to his home City to spend his bday with him uh fourth date wow wow we met halfway and we stationed at an Airbnb okay he's not playing around uh each and every time he's paid for everything he not playing around about you with a minor exception of one BN brunch I paid for and me cooking breakfast for him on his bday nothing wrong with that uh with groceries he bought for us nothing wrong with that uh we've already gotten intimate on our second G date away not ideal okay but clearly even after the second day he was still putting an effort but still not ideal which I know from listening to your content I should have asked uh way more questions and alluded to Commitment prior to ever giving up squirtle yes yes yes however I am okay with being a fun hookup wait what uh I do not like this I'm okay being a fun hookup if it just ends up being that okay um we're going to pause here I don't like this and I don't like when any of you say this because you end up playing yourself whenever you guys do this you end up playing yourself there's nothing wrong with wanting to have fun there's nothing wrong with wanting a guy who can who's got thick uh a thick longness that can just penetrate you deeply and rearrange your guts and it feels good and you want to enjoy yourself I'm not telling you that that's a crime to want to enjoy yourself I just know from experience that in the process of you enjoying yourself this is what happens see if you're really enjoying yourself to the point where you want to continue coming back to that man spending time with him you want to continue getting him to penetrate you what's going to happen is you're going to become attached to that man why because you're enjoying yourself with that man you're enjoying your life with that man you're enjoying the connection you have with that man even if you say you're just having fun you're enjoying having fun with that man so you're going to want to continue doing that so what's going to happen is after a while you're going to want it to go from not just being only fun to actually escalating into maybe being something more here's the problem though when you treat it like a fun hookup and you try to tell him hey I I'm okay with just this being a fun hookup he's going to say oh my God so you don't want commitment you don't want me to try hard you don't need me to do anything I can just sleep with you without putting in any of this effort you're like yeah no I'm just down to have fun he's going to say perfect I'm so glad you said that let me take back my uh $1,000 let me take back the Airbnb let me take back this and that let me take back the gifts I was going to get you let me take back all the stuff I was going to plan on doing for you to try to prove to you that I wanted to build this relationship I'm just going to take all of that back because there's no need for that because uh you already said you're okay with us just having fun so it'll be fun if uh I can see you whenever it's convenient for me and I'll just sleep with you and then you'll be on your way after that that's pretty fun for me I save a lot of money that way right and then what's going to happen is you're going to start feeling like you want more but you've already allowed him to get you with less and so now you're going to become frustrated because when you start asking for more he's going to say whoa whoa whoa the deal was I give you basically nothing and we just both have fun now you've contradicted yourself and you've put yourself in a really horrible situation where you've given a guy everything that he really wanted okay for nothing and then now you're trying to up the price on the thing that you are already giving away for free who's going to want to pay for that you already giving it away for free okay so it's not good as um as at the time I wasn't looking for anything serious it's one of the same reasons why I tell you everything should be serious okay don't ever just spend time wasting time because just having fun and hooking up up is wasting your time because if you're not actually planning on this being serious you're wasting your time and you're wasting energy that could be back being invested in yourself instead okay and I don't think that you should be doing that all right uh for anything serious that I promised myself I wanted to be single for at least a year until giving any type of commitment so then be actually single don't be in a situationship or be basically dating a guy in the process cuz now you're just looking for company you're telling me you're not ready for commitment but you're doing things with a guy who is seems like he's trying to build a committed relationship with you so that's unfair to you and the guy uh to any guy trying to date uh differently as I've been divorced and uh remarried again and needed a year to just breathe so why don't you just take a year to just breathe and not do anything with any guys have fun and not be tied to a serious anything until my full year is up this August so why don't you actually do that instead of going on stations with a guy he messages me every night and uh every day at night works anywhere from 70 to 100 hour weeks running his own business he's been consistent since the day we started talking but having said all this uh has yet to ask for a commitment BC unless I'm mistaken did you not just finish saying that you were okay with it just being a fun hookup so then why are you then commenting on the fact that he has yet to ask for commitment before I get angry let's continue which is fine as I'm still being open to dating others beside him and he's and beside him seeing he's not my boyfriendhusband nor do I feel obligated to message him or reply to him daily even if he messages me daily let's see I like your advice on if this long-distance relationship uh Squirtle in your opinion could still lead to a committed relationship what do you want BC what do you want and I'm being so serious because when you tell me things like you want fun hookup and you're okay with it just being a fun hookup I'm going to go ahead and assume like in so many words or in so many actions you've also committed sorry um con uh communicated that to the guy that you're seeing so what do you actually want because you're over here saying that earlier and then you're asking me if this could lead to a committed relationship do you want a committed relationship or not I just I'm genuinely confused if you're okay with the fun hookup then be okay with the fun hookup if you're not okay with the fun hookup don't lie to yourself and don't lie to me okay cuz clearly if really the fun hookup was all you were interested in and you didn't care about anything else you wouldn't even be asking asking me this question cuz it would be irrelevant to you whether he wants to lead this to a committed relationship also this is part of the problem if you've been setting the precedent that you're okay with a fun hookup what is he supposed to do when you turn around and say now all of a sudden you want commitment he's going to say that listen I don't want to cast any aspersions on you but that's essentially like a bait and switch because if you're telling him hey I'm cool with this being a fun hookup because I had to get remarried and I need some space to just relax and chill and not have anything serious if you're going to tell him that and then he's going to be like okay if that's the page that we're on then this is what we're doing and he does that and he agrees to that then all of a sudden you come out one day and say well now I've changed my mind I want this to only be a committed relationship or I'm not giving you any ask to me that's a bait and switch because he was down with what the situation he thought was supposed to be a fun hookup time and now that you're telling him that it's not that well he might react differently and say well that's not what was here for and honestly I don't think that he's a bad person if you change your mind and now you expect what you are giving away for free to come with commitment you I always tell you all that as the women you hold the cards you're in control of telling men what the standards and expectations are if they're going to access you so if you make this if you set the bar super low right and guys are like cool you're willing to set the bar super low that's perfectly fine with me and then all of a sudden you're like no no no actually I want to set the bar super high they're going to go whoo whoa whoa whoa whoa that that was not in the carts I was only here cuz you were setting the bar super low you want to set it high now I'm Outi and you should have set the bar high from the very beginning okay I'm still in the courtship stages of getting to know him as there's already been some things in question I'd have to consider but being in a long-distance relationship I know uh if I should I want to know if I should start pulling back if this ends up just being a long-distance Squirtle situationship in his mind once again again I'm confused on what you want you're going to pull back if this is just a fun oh God oh God chat is this making sense to you or is it just mean that I'm that I'm only confused and for the rest of you it makes sense because I just can't wrap my head around how you're saying this and you're saying you're going to pull back if it's a longdistance squirtle relationship in his mind but you literally said earlier or is it you said earlier that you are okay with this just being a fun hookup if it ends up just being that I'm not trying to shame you or anything BC but like it just doesn't make any sense I I just don't understand why would you pull back if he's viewing it the same way that you're okay with viewing it as if that's the case I'll continue to date others with intent intentions and do things completely different with the next guy I end up dating I just I don't I I I don't I'm confused I'm I'm really confused I I I I don't I don't I feel like I've missed something here I really think I really I might have to reread this one over this might be one of the ones where I miss something really pivotal to the thing um but it see I thought you said at the beginning that you were not in a head space to to be anything serious with I just I I don't understand uh PS I've been following uh you for a while it's great to see the growth of your channel uh at the Players Club keep it up the value you bring has helped so many of us side note for uh for got the promises he showered me with lots of gifts um and small gestures within the uh this time and currently live 3 hours away from each other in the same time zone what one-sided annoying fact he likes texting even though I've stated I hate texting long paragraphs and rather have a quick phone call instead he's yet to uh he's yet to call me and yet so I started ignoring his messages texting is a waste of time if he isn't making plans uh to meet up for our dates usually last 36 hours learned from you okay uh BC I I think the the really the only thing you need to focus on here is what do you want like what do you truly want and this cuz honestly it sounds to me like you truly want a long Ser long-term serious relationship that's fine that's not a crime if you want a long-term serious committed relationship then just like let's just all let's just all accept that and let's all go about it like that so when if you're going to withdraw your energy because he's not giving you or being in line with the longterm serious relationship then just like communicate that and make that clear like I feel like you might also be confusing him with your actions of saying you're looking for something fun and then he's going about it as if this is just supposed to be something fun so I actually think if you want a long-term serious relationship you need to reverse course and make it clear that I'm actually only looking for something really really serious and if that's you great if that's not you also great but I'm not looking for anything in between you're actually you're actually putting yourself in limbo here and I'm shocked that you're like he's actually being fairly intentional with you despite you having this limbo in your own mind cuz to me what you put on this page doesn't make any sense to me in terms of I'm not sure do you want fun hookups or do you want a real relationship if you want a real relationship make that crystal clear and make sure any guy that steps into your life is aware that he's not going to have access to you unless it's a serious relationship if that's not what you're looking for then and make it crystal clear that you're only here for a fun hookup I want to read the chat because I I just feel like I've missed something in there uh Ashley says she thinks her only mistake was not asking more questions or alluding to commitment but then that then my question becomes why did are this is this is why I say this is a problem because when you when you when you say at the beginning of a relationship I'm just here for fun and the hookup when the fun hookup actually becomes really fun and enjoyable you want to do more than just hookup which is the same reason why I tell all of you never just be in a situation where you're having fun hooking up because you're only going to end up wanting more than the hookup down the road when you've actually been enjoying yourself so there's no point doing that either the relationship is going to end right or the fun hookup is going to end or you're going to enjoy it so much that you want more at which point you'll be conf flicted because you you have been offering this you for free to a guy that you're now telling you want commitment from and it's going to make no sense and you're going to look like a fool okay right does that does that make sense does that make sense so I think you need to you need to decide on what you what you want out of the situation BC I try to read the chat more because sometimes I be missing stuff and maybe the chat you guys might pick up on on stuff uh uh that I don't pick up on okay right right so next we have here let's see uh let's see CL okay CL says phony people okay let's see what CL says uh CL says Dear Thompson I've always had the wound of not being able to maintain friendships and build connections with people who are genuine I'm 21 we all grow out of friendships in life but the pattern I find myself in over and over again makes me feel like there's something on my end I am doing wrong I grew exhausted from texting so many people and juggling friendships uh only to be unnoticed when I don't reach out yeah I've been there uh i' I had I had decided to stop reaching out to people first and found out that none of those friendships stood a chance once I would do myself um this is a it's a painful realization that we all have to go through especially when you're in your early 20s see this is a funny thing about being in your early 20s you you're just finishing while some of you might still be in college or University and then for those of you even that aren't in college or university you're still a little bit fresh out of high school so when you're 21 years old 20 years old you you still are connected to the people that you were going to high school with and obviously high schools a really social setting so it's still feels like you have a lot of friendships when in reality see this is what happens when you go into your deep adulting stages and you're in your later 20s you realize that most of the people that you were friends with in like the high school years was more because of the convenience that you were continuously seeing each other every day and not so much because you're actually aligned in each other's thinking and uh shared interest right and you realize that when it comes down to just actually being about the shared interest or the alignment in the way that you think or go about life you have a lot less friends than you even realized and there's a transition period that pretty much all of us go through in our early 20s where we real where our friendships and our relationships we'll call it just our friendships and relation ship they transition from just being people that it was convenient to be around to being the people that we actually align with so you're going to start meeting people at work you're going to start meeting people at you know wherever you spend time with the classes that you take the gym things like that that are more aligned with you and your friends with them because of aligned interest rather than just going to the same school or the same University and things like that so your friendships are going to drastically change and yes part of that realization is that most of your friendships aren't real friendships they're more centered around the convenience of the Friendship because you live close or you go to the same school or whatever it may be right uh stood a chance once I withdrew myself or or for some people like me I used to be a club promoter because I was a club promoter okay uh however I had four best friends I knew I could trust well call them Rachel uh Kyle uh Dante and Alvin so you had three Guy best friends okay uh okay uh it's not not a good sign but I I but let's go on Maybe I'm Wrong Kyle and Alvin are twins so when I reach out to them I reach out to both of them I treat them and love them both the same we all grew up together friends since the age of seven we all separated in terms of schooling around the age of 1314 but all my friendships with them were still strong except for me and Dante's let's see what happened to Dante uh when Dante switched schools we didn't talk for a few years but later reconnected temporarily even though no one outside of them uh ever showed me attention or considered me for my birthdays I still would make the decision to plan for myself and invite the people closest to me Rachel and Dante wouldn't show up uh the way Kyle and Alvin would okay uh but it wasn't enough two years ago me and Rachel stayed friends and began talking more and more establishing a security between our friendship after not talking for a few years me and Rachel uh became as close uh as we were as children again but I later learned her and Dante newly reconnected what do you mean by reconnected what do you mean by that what do you mean by that even though he hadn't initiated a reconnect with me it also would later be revealed that they were closer to each other than I was to them what do you mean by that because they would always hang out together first invite other people who aren't even in our group then invite me last I called her out on it she ghosted me and has has been and has been kept her friendship with Dante since even hung out with him knowingly on my birthday once C and Alvin invited me to their prom in high school we hosted a send off and had a great night but K and his brother went to prom with another friend of theirs but it only ended up uh but only ended up posting the pictures from prom not ours this that same year 2022 I met a dude in June named jaw we dated for a year I invited K and Alvin to hang out with me for my birthday for the last time for the last time usually after we meet or spend time together me and Cal and Alvin and I would uh encourage seeing them more to keep our friendship afloat I chose to stop planning things for my birthday to see who would show up uh same two people Cal and Alvin have have an annual birthday party at their house in November and they invite me every year the girl that they are friends with uh uh that they went to middle school with Victoria me and Victoria would hang out at parties and communicate here and there last summer I was having health issues and was constantly sick and stressed with stressed while with jaw he gave me herp clamydia and other things let's see where this goes when I confronted him about my diagnosis he took my phone and went through it without asking that's an insane response automatically I suspected he was betraying me so I went through his phone back I have a feeling where this is about to go and this this is not good I found multiple other girls in his phone let's see who some of these girls were along with Victoria I thought so I thought this is where this was going he gave me the silent treatment so I took it as my opportunity to leave I told Victoria what he gave me and that she should go see a doctor she was nice about it uh we left it after uh we left it at that me and her still had fun and talked at Kyle and Alvin's birthday celebration later on November you still stayed friends with a girl who knowingly slept with your boyfriend uh okay after I left jaw alone this uh year round I made sure to make it clear to both Kyle and Alvin that I like to see them more since the conver since the same conversation every year about not seeing each other a lot see you're you're doing a lot here uh you're really coming across as the girl who really wants to be liked very badly even in your friendships this is why I tell you a lot of the stuff that I tell you applies to friendships and relationships when people sense the desperation on you that you want to be liked by them so badly that every single year please come to my birthday party please I'm dying for you to want to be friends with me it it's it's uh it's repulsive to people not to be mean I just have to tell you the truth and invited them to dinner January 6 to uh January 6 to 7 months ago I texted K to see if he was still interested he didn't open my message see now you're getting into like you're getting into very desperate territory where people clearly just they're not interested in I'm not saying you're a bad person but they're they're making it clear to you how they feel I playfully confronted KY and he apologized and explained that he doesn't get my notifications no he just doesn't care I guarantee you if it was a girl he really wanted to penetrate his notifications would be on so loud you can't unhear it now just a couple of days ago Alvin sent me an invite to a bonfire they're having and that's when C would open my message I confronted them both about why they never respond when initiate anything Alvin's response was I don't know you I didn't know you wanted that type of friendship but if you want to communicate more we can uh this basically means I don't care about what you're saying that's what that translates to in gue okay uh even though I literally explained to them multiple times kind of sounds like you have a little bit of feelings for like multiple guys in this friend group because the attachment that you seem to have to them and this friendship is not the same level of attachment that they seem to have towards you just saying I said okay and uh that I let them know if I could come to their bonfire over the weekend they are posting that they are on vacation with Victoria for her birthday what's the problem with that is that supposed to be your vacation my issue is they are not treating their friends they're treating uh their friends better than me uh that me and Victoria shared the same man wait what my issue is that is not that they're treating their friends better than me or that uh me and Victoria shared the same man is that's the least of my worries I just feel like I'm being treated according to my convenience I mean yeah yeah you are you like the ugly stepchild they they they probably laugh at you when they're spending time together like they're making it obvious to you that they don't really care that much about you not to be mean I'm just telling you the truth and maybe while this was happening all this time my info and vulnerability has been shared uh with their other friends yeah they probably they probably laugh at you not to bully you I'm just telling you that they probably laugh at you cuz you're continuing to ask them for their approval and their validation when they're making it clear to you they don't care about you I'm not I just I have to be real with you uh when I explained this to c why are you continuing to confront people about what they've already made clear to you okay he said that he would call me to talk to me more and work things out later that night they don't care he has been ignoring me since I just told you he does not care okay the bonfire is in a week and I'm debating going to going because my therapist says that if they didn't want me there uh if if they didn't want me there they wouldn't have invited me no okay I'm not going to say that your therapist is wrong but what I will say is they honestly could just be inviting you out of pity because you beg so much for their approval and to be their friend they invite you just because they feel bad that if they don't invite you and they post about it that you'll complain again I'm just going to be going to be honest with you but I also don't want my presents to be taken for granted either I'll be 22 in September are you sure are you sure and it's hard to look forward to my birthday knowing no one is going to even blink at me after all of this one by one each of these people have shown themselves to be the same person someone who is not my friend why is that why do people not want to be your friend okay uh I'm going to give you a little bit of reality here okay I need you to understand that um not everyone is going to like you you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea that's okay part of growing up and mat in is realizing that your your energy is best served being in the places where you're wanted not trying to put your energy in places with people who don't actually care about you this is the mistake that a lot of people made trust me I made the mistake too in thinking that your relationships that have uh been happening since you were young or sorry since I highlighted the wrong thing that were happening since you were young are the relationships that you have to have for the rest of your adult life there is a painful reality that you will fa you're facing now that we face in understanding that the people that we necessarily went to high school with aren't the people that were are going to be our friends for the rest of our lives and in a lot of cases and in some cases and in a lot of cases you meet some of your best friends in adulthood because those friends are friends of yours because of your shared interests and your alignment in your mentality and who you both are right not just because you went to the same middle school and you've been friends since you were young the reality that sets in is that the friends that you were friends with since are young they all grow up to be different people with different interests different ways of thinking and so some of those friends continue to align with each other and have an ongoing friendship but some of those friends uh don't align with each other anymore and they grow apart it seems like this group of friends are of the same kind right they align with each other and for some one reason or another you don't align with the type of friendship that they have that's not a crime but I need you to understand if you're not welcome there and they're making it very obvious and clear to you that they're not very interested in being your friend don't continue wasting your energy on those people trying to force them to be your friend it's the same thing as when you're trying to beg someone to be in a relationship with you or to uh uh want to desire you or want to be with you right in a romantic sense you're doing this in a non-romantic sense and all they can think to themselves is this is so repulsive uh how much you're begging for our attention we don't care about you and they're making it pretty obvious to you without telling you hey we don't want to be your friend when someone's ignoring your messages and you have to confront them consistently about ignoring your messages they don't want to talk to you okay so don't be worried about the why worry about how you can transition and take your energy away from being so focused on them and putting your energy back into yourself figuring out what you enjoy and start doing those things by yourself at the at the start right and in the process of you doing the things that you enjoy by yourself stepping outside of your house you'll start meeting people who enjoy those same things and at least you'll start creating some friendships with some people with shared interest in uh with you and that actually you don't have to beg to be around you you understand what I'm saying or beg to come to your birthday party very sad don't do that to yourself okay next we have here uh let's see let's see let's see uh miria miria that's a that's a cool name could you clarify a smart part of your response to me dear Thompson thank you for your response on Friday night this probably a while ago I would like to explain uh that I made the mistake of being too available for the guy after losing my job I haven't found your show I sorry I hadn't found your show yet unfortunately could you explain two things one how could I fake not being more available after suddenly losing a job that occupied 50 hours uh weekly they fired me unexpectedly due to an abrupt change in the direction of the company I found it hard to not respond to his text faking un availability even if I was occupied looking for a new job obviously my schedule has cleared up significantly well see here's the thing you can still be doing things with your life even though you're not necessarily working 40 hours a week okay I know obviously in a more uh tangible uh logistical sense yes if you if you lose a job and you're not working a job that took up four 50 hours plus of your week yes you have more free time right in general but that doesn't mean that all of that time that that has been freed up for you because you don't no longer have a job means that that's not time that can still be allocated towards you so you can replace that time that was spent at your job obviously looking for a new job but also picking up and starting to do more things for yourself that was previously energy getting put into your job okay and there could be a plethora see this is the this is the uh this is the thing that a lot of you struggle with is the ability to start doing things for yourself and investing your energy into yourself see the moment that you don't have a job or something else that you can put your energy towards you start becoming fearful that oh my god well I got to put my energy towards something and it's like the last thing you want to put your energy into is yourself you're always looking for where can I project my energy onto someone else or something else that's not me and you literally should be you should be craving the ability to take back energy from other things and put it into yourself you should be craving that opportunity so your 50 hours throughout the I'm I Promise You by the time you start doing things like going to the gym by the time you start doing things like uh uh uh uh you know taking maybe taking care of your hair building a building a a skin care routine that's better for you maybe taking care of your hair better uh maybe cooking some meals that you find healthier because you want to live a healthier lifestyle if you're working 50 hours a week you probably don't get a chance to cook some real good meals picking up some hobbies that you never got a chance to explore uh since you were working 50 hours a week right or even exploring the opportunity of maybe uh building your own business or your own passion or doing something for yourself right you'll be surprised once you spend a couple hours thinking about some things you can do for yourself and you build a routine out of that you'll be surprised how much time uh is spent uh investing back in you that will fill up your schedule and that doesn't require you to just sit around like what you're basically saying now is because I lost my job I'm just going to instead sit around for the 50 hours a week that I have free now waiting for paint to dry while uh I hope that he texts me back you will never build a relationship with someone that desires you when you're in that mind State because nobody will be attracted to you in that mind State you'll be so needy and so desperate and so available no guy will be interested in you so it's not about faking the availability it's actually about taking back that energy and investing it into yourself not looking to invest it into other people you understand what I'm saying you say I made the mistake by telling him I wanted a committed relationship and security no I I I believe what I said is you made the mistake by uh asking him to do that for you if he's not showing you commitment and security you withdraw yourself until he comes to you asking why you withdrew yourself then you make it clear that the only type of guy that will have access to you is a guy who is committed and consistent with you that's what you do right so there's a difference between asking him to do that for you and then there's a difference between that and withdrawing yourself having him come to you and explaining why you withdrew yourself okay uh what I told him is that I wanted not necess uh wanted it not necessarily from him so I wanted to date man as I was noticing our relationship was not leading to that uh he asked for exclusivity at the start of seeing each other and we had agreed that we were seeing each other in to determine if we could build a connection and relationship okay that's fine uh please could you explain what should I have done in instead uh and why was that a mistake so I just explained it you withdraw excuse me you withdraw first you allow his withdrawing to then have him come to you then when he comes to you then you explain uh what you want from any man that's going to have access to you um so next we have here you said I'm not in love with him but I really believe he is a good man and wanted a serious relationship with me if I hadn't screwed it up by being too available due to my unexpected job loss your unexpected job loss is not a a particular reason to to be so desperate and needy for him okay obviously you have more time but that time can still be taken out back and invested into yourself okay so my initial question do you think he can still come back could he could be rephrased as do I have a chance to re attract him if he comes back even if he does it uh for building pineapples not a relationship is there any card I can still play no do nothing you have to allow him to come to his own realization of him wanting to be with you so if the things that you did in the past have made him uninterested in you or made you undesirable to him you just have to chalk it up to charge it to the game because you make the mistake but learn from the mistake right because once you kind of get into that territory where you make yourself very undesirable to a guy it's hard for him to build back his desire for you unless you pull all the way back and in the process of you pulling all the way back he now finds you interesting once again you understand what I'm saying so it's it can be very difficult to do that when you've already established that that's that's you right and you've already established how he feels about you so uh my honest advice as horrible as it sounds and as painful as it sounds do nothing and if he doesn't come to you after that or he doesn't reach out to you after that then you know how he feels and if he does then you can start you know uh strategizing on how you're not going to be as available again you're not going to be as in his face or needy or desperate and you're going to allow him to continue to come to you and pursue you okay uh I hope that answered your question all right that's the show for today by the way thank you so much to Electric F in the YouTube chat she's always donating she's like our overall she's our top donator on YouTube we got Sammy who's the top Tik Tok donator and we got electric fuel who's the top YouTube donator so thank you so much of course to Electric fe uh F who she uh sends a message she says validation is for parking I love that that's a good one I'm going to start using that I'm going steal that phrase okay validation is for parking so thank you so much for the donation of $20 electric Fu all right guys guys so if uh you didn't get a chance to if I didn't answer your question don't fret we have plenty more shows where I will answer your questions on ongoing uh and you will get your question answered rest assured so don't you worry okay if you didn't get a chance to send yours in just hop over into the uh uh Tik Tok uh Link in BIO where you can ask your question there I had like a brain fart where you can ask your question there or if you're on YouTube just go down into the YouTube description and you can ask your question there in in the YouTube descript in the Discord in the relationship advice section and try your best to keep it under the 2000 character count okay uh if you have uh if you want to follow me on Instagram because you want to see me and in all my glory and existence since I've been here since I've been in front of you you want to know more about me and everything I do on a regular basis you can follow me on Instagram it's right above my head on the top left of the screen there you can follow me on Instagram and it's right at the bottom right of the screen there where you can follow me on Instagram if you're on YouTube Okay um um for those of you who are on Tik Tok and you want to get access to the show you maybe you miss parts of it um and you want to rewatch the parts of it that you missed it's okay don't fret this won't be gone forever it's available on my YouTube I'm Live on YouTube and Tik Tok at the exact same time so just go ahead type in my name on YouTube you can subscribe to the YouTube go over into the live section and you'll be able to see this show along with every other live show that I've ever done and it the most amazing part it'll have the YouTube and the Tik Tok live chat embedded on the screen so you'll be able to follow along with all the conversation that's happening during the live show so for those of you who are on Tik Tok you'll see your name and your picture your profile picture in the live chat while I'm discussing so you'll know that it's you and you'll be able to follow along with everything it's awesome it's a great experience so uh that being said I'm here every weekday Monday to Friday at 4 p.m. eastern time so for those of you who want to catch me on time make sure you're here 400 p.m. Eastern stand time okay um and we will get this uh we'll get this thing going tomorrow okay until then AA Vista ARA uh goodbye and uh I will see you tomorrow 4 P p.m. eastern time where again we'll talk about love life and relationships I love you so much we'll be together