next one is my housemate and i are generally fairly comfortable approaching girls in bars and at parties etc although some of your charisma tips have certainly helped but in cases where the female group size is bigger than ours for example two of us and four of them and we want to strike up conversation with only two of them it feels awkward what are your tips for both striking up conversation with groups of say four girls when you are a pair of guys and how to keep the conversation rolling we aren't crippled with approach anxiety so we'll definitely try out any suggestions yeah i mean the easiest thing is don't try to approach just two of them like at least in the us everybody's different if you do this in brazil people will think that you're hitting on whoever you're speaking with at least that's my experience but in the u.s if i'm one person and i want to go talk to a group of three people because one of them is attractive i start by talking to all three and just ping around and try to be fun and make the whole group laugh and like me and then that way when you do inevitably say like hey i'm going to go to the bar like do you want to come with me to the one that you're most interested in the other two friends are like yeah do it this guy's great we're rooting for you so i would actually say that the thing that's hurting you the most is this mindset that you have to go and immediately extract the two people you're attracted to from their friends i think instead just have the whole group like you and then the friends will be rooting for you they'll try to set you up yep it's been a long time since i've been out at a bar not just because of coronavirus because of my advanced age [Laughter] i also have to admit as soon as you said group of females i heard the rest of the question in the voice of david attenborough and was just completely a group of females here you can see walking in the corner so recollecting as best i can one of the things that i do remember was important is as ben said speak to the group have a conversation that is high energy fun and is references the group as a unit like instead of like you can ask of course their individual names but what are you guys up to you know that how do you guys know each other instead of walking right up and like hey you're really pretty what's your name what do you do and acting like the friends don't exist yes oh yeah how do y'all know each other yes the group is a y'all at the beginning which makes sense after a period of time where people feel comfortable what we also found is that could feel strange as if there's two dudes over here and then four sounds like five five girls over here what you want to do is integrate the group to the best of as you can so that you're not just two guys standing here asking questions answer question answer and so one of the guys the people listening on spotify because you can't see what he's saying just picture like civil war armies in a line that's often what happens one group on one side one group on one side facing each other yes unmingled and once and you can even say be like this is strange we i feel like this is a you know sixth grade sixth grade dance we got the boys on one side the girls on the other and then just have somebody walk to the other side okay much better i feel like an adult now or whatever you can you don't need to use them about the words the point is to integrate the group in such a way that it that it becomes genuinely a more organic group and this way it's not your group asking their group questions now this can subdivide into separate conversations where one friend talks to two or three and the other friend asks two or three questions it just feels more organic yes yes um and at that point then then you can start to have individual conversations or again you can subdivide you can be a pizza that goes into slices as opposed to haves that need to address the other one but the friends are your are your friends and allies they're not your enemies to be uh cut away from the group i think that mindset ship will help a lot cool hope that you guys enjoyed that clip if you want to see more like this and have us do more podcasts we are 100 funded by our generous patrons and if you'd like to contribute there's a link in the description and we'll have them pop up in the screen right here so that we can do more podcasts where we have fun conversations and hopefully some deep ones like this either way hope that you enjoyed the video and i will see you in the next one