I don't remember how old I was when I was groped for the first time. But I remember my mother's friend telling me that her husband didn't mean to do it. He accidentally grabbed my chest and I shouldn't worry my mother by telling her about it. I was a mere kid when I saw a woman defend a predator.
As a child, I'd often have lunch at my neighbour's house. Every time it's at the table, she'd serve freshly roasted chapatis to her son first, followed by a taunt to her own daughter over her incapability to make round rotis. The lunch would usually end with my aunt eating leftovers from her husband's used plate. I was hardly a teenager when a woman served as patriarchy. In 10th grade, my teacher's son spread a rumor that I allow boys to touch me wherever they want for some extra pocket money.
When I complained about it to the teacher, she insulted me in front of the entire class and blamed it on my short uniform. I was 15. when a woman showed me what male privilege is. My maid tells me her mother-in-law burnt all her books one month into the marriage.
A female colleague was slushed by another for getting an early promotion. And then the woman working at the chemist refused to sell me sanitary pads without a black polythene. A friend's grandmother told me to lose weight if I wanted a good groom and my sister asked me to shave my legs before wearing a short dress. Somewhere, a woman is still getting silenced by another.
A woman is still getting judged by another. A woman is still being taught hatred. It took me a long time to realize that it was mostly a woman who'd asked me to behave like one.
For all these years, misogyny disguised itself and slyly creeped into the heads of the victims, making them responsible for the injustice they themselves experience. At 24, I'm relearning the basics. I'm trying to hold ship, fighting against the hurricanes of internalized patriarchy.
I'm making myself throw lifeboats at all the brave women around me who are trying their best to survive. Sometimes, I wish I could dive in the ocean of my past and try to keep my right, my dignity afloat. I wish I could drown all the misogyny I was taught to follow. And I know I'm too close to the shore to swim back now. But all I can do here is hope that I reach a land that is for time with mutual love.
admiration and respect An era where a woman is not taught how to de-gate another And a place where a poem like this does not need to be written