the courage to be disliked written by Ichiro kishimi and fumitake Koga and read by Adrien [Music] Malini author's note Sigman Freud Carl Yung and Alfred Adler are all Giants in the world of psychology this book is a distill of Adler's philosophical and psychological ideas and teachings taking the form of a narrative dialogue between a philosopher and a young man Adian psychology enjoys a broad base of support in Europe and the USA and presents simple and straightforward answers to the philosophical question how can one be happy Adan psychology might hold the key listening to this book could change your life life now let us accompany the young man and Venture Beyond the Door the young man entered the study and sat slouched in a chair why was he so determined to reject the philosophers theories his reasons were abundantly clear he lacked self-confidence and ever since childhood this had been compounded by deep-seated feelings of inferiority with regard to his personal and academic backgrounds as well as his physical appearance perhaps as a result he tended to be excessively self-conscious when people looked at him mostly he seemed incapable of truly appreciating other people's happiness and was constantly pitying himself to him the Philosopher's claims were nothing more than the stuff of fantasy the unknown third Giant youth a moment ago you used the words another philosophy but I've heard that your speciality is in Greek philosophy philosopher yes Greek philosophy has been Central to my life ever since I was a teenager the great intellectual figures Socrates Plato Aristotle I am translating a work by Plato at the moment and I expect to spend the rest of my life studying classical Greek thought youth well then what is this other philosophy philosopher it is a completely new School of Psychology that was established by the Austrian psychiatrist Alfred Adler at the beginning of the 20th century in this country it is generally referred to as Adan psychology youth huh I never would have imagined that a specialist in Greek philosophy would be interested in psychology philosopher I'm not very familiar with paths taken by other schools of psychology however I think it is fair to say that Adian psychology is clearly in line with Greek philosophy and that it is a proper field of study youth I have a passing knowledge of the psychology of Freud and Yung a fascinating field philosopher yes Freud and Young are both renowned even here Adler was one of the original core members of the Vienna psychoanalytic society which was led by Freud his ideas were counter to Freud's and he split from the group and proposed an individual psychology based on his own original theories individual psychology another odd term so Adler was a disciple of freuds no he was not that misconception is common we must dispel it for one thing Adler and Freud were relatively close in age and the relationship they formed as researchers was founded upon equal footing in this respect Adler was very different from Yung who revered Freud as a father figure though psychology primarily tends to be associated with Freud and Yung Adler is recognized throughout the rest of the world along with with Freud and Yung as one of the three Giants in this field I see I should have studied it more I suppose it's only natural you haven't heard of Adler as he himself said there might come a time when one will not remember my name people might even have forgotten that our school ever existed then he went on to say that it didn't matter the implication being that if his school were forgotten it it would be because his ideas had outgrown the bounds of a single area of scholarship and become commonplace and a feeling shared by everyone for example Dale carnegi who wrote The International bestsellers How to Win Friends and Influence People and how to stop worrying and start living referred to Adler as a great psychologist who devoted his life to researching humans and their latent abilities the influence of Adas think thinking is clearly present throughout his writings and in Steven kovis The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People much of the content closely resembles Adler's ideas in other words rather than being a strict area of scholarship Adan psychology is accepted as a realization a culmination of truths and of human understanding yet Adler's ideas are said to have been a hundred years ahead of their time and even today we have not managed to fully comprehend them that is how truly groundbreaking they were youth so your theories are developed not from Greek philosophy initially but from the Viewpoint of Adan psychology philosopher yes that's right youth okay there's one more thing I'd like to ask about your basic stance are you a philosopher or are you a psych ologist philosopher I am a philosopher a person who lives philosophy and for me Adan psychology is a form of thought that is in line with Greek philosophy and that is philosophy youth all right then let's get started why people can change youth first let's plan the points of disc discussion you say people can change then you take it a step further saying that everyone can find happiness philosopher yes everyone without exception youth let's save the discussion about happiness for later and address change first everyone wishes they could change I know I do and I'm sure anyone you might stop and ask on the street would agree but why does everyone feel they want to change there's only one answer because they cannot change if it were easy for people to change they wouldn't spend so much time wishing they could no matter how much they wish it people cannot change and that's why there are always so many people getting taken in by new religions and dubious self-help seminars and any preaching on how everyone can change Am I Wrong philosopher well in response s ask why you are so adamant that people can't change here's why I have a friend a guy who has shut himself in his room for several years he wishes he could go out and even thinks he'd like to have a job if possible so he wants to change the way he is I say this as his friend but I assure you he is a very serious person who could be of great use to society except that he afraid to leave his room if he takes even a single step outside he suffers palpitations and his arms and leg shake it's a kind of neurosis or panic I suppose he wants to change but he can't what do you think the reason is that he can't go out I'm not really sure it could be because of his relationship with his parents or because he was bullied at school or work he might have experienced a kind of of Trauma from something like that but then it could be the opposite maybe he was too pampered as a child and can't face reality I just don't know and I can't pry into his past or his family situation philosopher so you were saying there were incidents in your friend's past that became the cause of trauma or something similar and as a result he can't go out anymore of course if for an effect there's a cause there is nothing mysterious about that then perhaps the cause of his not being able to go out anymore lies in the home environment during his childhood he was abused by his parents and reached adulthood without ever feeling love that's why he's afraid of interacting with people and why he can't go out it's feasible isn't it youth yes it's entirely feasible I'd imagine that would be really challenging philosopher and then you say before and effect there's a cause or in other words who I am now the effect is determined by occurrences in the past the causes do I understand correctly you do so if the Here and Now of everyone in the world is due to their past incidents according to you wouldn't things turn out very strangely don't you see everyone who has grown up abused by his or her parents would have to suffer the same effects as your friend and become a recluse or the whole idea just doesn't hold water that is if the past actually determines the present and the causes control the effects youth what exactly are you getting at philosopher if we focus only on past causes and try to explain things solely through cause and effect we end up with determinism because what this says is that our present and our future have already been decided by past occurrences and are unalterable am I wrong so you're saying that the past doesn't matter yes that is the standpoint of Adan psychology I see the points of conflict seem a bit clearer but look if we go by your version wouldn't that ultimately mean that there's no reason my friend can't go out anymore because you're saying that past incidents don't matter I'm sorry but that's completely out of the question there has to be some reason behind his seclusion there has to be or there'd be no explanation philosopher indeed there would be no explanation so in Adan psychology we do not think about past causes but rather about present goals present goals your friend is insecure so he can't go out think about it the other way around he doesn't want to go out so he's creating a state of anxiety huh think about it this way your friend had the goal of not going out beforehand and he's been manufacturing a state of anxiety and fear as a means to achieve that goal in aderian Psychology this is called teleology youth you're joking my friend has imagined his anxiety and fear so would you go so far as saying that my friend is just pretending to be sick philosopher he is not pretending to be sick the anxiety and fear here your friend is feeling a real on occasion he might also suffer from migraines and violent stomach cramps however these two are symptoms that he has created in order to achieve the goal of not going out that's not true no way that's too depressing philosopher no this is the difference between iology the study of causation andology the study of the per Pur of a given phenomenon rather than its cause everything you have been telling me is based on iology as long as we stay in iology we will not take a single step forward trauma does not exist youth if you're going to state things so forcibly I'd like a thorough explanation to begin with what is the difference you refer to between iology and teleology philosopher supposing you've got a cold with a high fever and you've gone to see the doctor then suppose the doctor says the reason for your sickness is that yesterday when you went out you weren't dressed well enough and that's why you've caught a cold now would you be satisfied with that youth of course I wouldn't it wouldn't matter to me what the reason was the way I was dressed or because it was raining or whatever it's the symptom the fact that I'm suffering with a high fever now that would matter to me if he's a doctor I'd need him to treat me by prescribing medicine giving shots or taking whatever specialized measures are necessary philosopher yet those who take an eological stance including most counselors and psychiatrists would argue that what you were suffering from stemmed from such and such cause in the past and would then end up just consoling You by saying so you see it's not your fault the argument concerning so-called traumas is typical of iology Youth wait a minute are you denying the existence of trauma altogether yes I am adamantly what aren't you I guess I should say Adler an authority on psychology in Adan psychology TR is definitively denied this was a very new and revolutionary Point certainly the Freudian view of trauma is fascinating Freud's idea is that a person's psychic wounds traumas cause his or her present unhappiness when you treat a person's life as a vast narrative there is an easily understandable causality and sense of dramatic development that creates strong impressions and is extremely attractive but Adler in denial of the trauma argument States the following no experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure we do not suffer from the shock of our experiences the so-called trauma but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes we are not determined by our experiences but the meaning we give them is self-determining youth so we make of them whatever suits our purposes exactly focus on the point Adler is making here when he refers to the self being determined not by our experiences themselves but by the meaning we give them he is not saying that the experience of a horrible Calamity or abuse during childhood or other such incidents have no influence on forming a personality their influences are strong but the important thing is that nothing is actually determined by those influences we determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences your life is not something that someone gives you but something you choose yourself and you are the one who decides how you live okay so you're saying that my friend has shut himself in his room because he actually chooses to live this way this is serious believe me it is not what he wants if anything it's something he was forced to choose because of circumstances he had no choice other than to become who he is now philosopher no even supposing that your friend actually thinks I can't fit into society because I was abused by my parents it's still because it is his goal to think that way what sort of goal is that the immediate thing would probably be the goal of not going out he is creating anxiety and fear as his reasons to stay inside but why doesn't he want to go out that's where the problem resides well think of it from the parents view you how would you feel if your child were shut up in a room I'd be worried of course I'd want to help him return to society I'd want him to be well and I'd wonder if I'd raised him improperly I'm sure I would be seriously concerned and try in every way imaginable to help him back to a normal existence that is where the problem is where if I stay in my room all all the time without ever going out my parents will worry I can get all of my parents attention focused on me they'll be extremely careful around me and always handle me with kid gloves on the other hand if I take even one step out of the house I'll just become part of a faceless Mass who no one pays attention to I'll be surrounded by people I don't know and just end up average or less than average and no one will take special care of me any longer such stories about reclusive people are not uncommon youth in that case following your line of reasoning my friend has accomplished his goal and is satisfied with his current situation philosopher I doubt he's satisfied and I'm sure he's not happy either but there is no doubt that he is also taking action in line with his goal this is not something that is unique to your friend every one of us is living in line with some goal that is what teleology tells us youth no way I reject that as completely unacceptable look my friend is listen this discussion won't go anywhere if we just keep talking about your friend friend it will turn into a trial In Absentia and that would be hopeless let's use another example youth well how about this one it's my own story about something I experienced only yesterday oh I'm all he is people fabricate anger youth yesterday afternoon I was reading a book in a cover coffee shop when a waiter passed by and spilled coffee on my jacket I just bought it and it's my nicest piece of clothing I couldn't help it I just blew my top I yelled at him at the top of my lungs I'm not normally the type of person who speaks loudly in public places but yesterday the shop was rigging with the sound of my shouting because I flew into a rage and forgot what I was doing so how about that is there any room for a goal to be involved here no matter how you look at it isn't this behavior that originates from a cause philosopher so you were stimulated by the emotion of anger and ended up shouting though you were normally mild mannered you couldn't resist being angry it was an unavoidable occurrence and you couldn't do anything about it is that what you're saying yes because it happened so suddenly the words just came out of my mouth before I had time to think then just suppose you happen to have had a knife on you yesterday and when you blew up you just got carried away and stabbed him would you still be able to justify that by saying it was an unavoidable occurrence and I couldn't do anything about it that come on that's an extreme argument it is not an extreme argument if we proceed with your reasoning any offense committed in anger can be blamed on anger and will no longer be the responsibility of the person because essentially you are saying that people cannot control their emotions youth well how do you explain my anger then philosopher that's easy you did not fly into a rage and then start shouting it is solely that you got angry so that you could shout in other words in order to fulfill the goal of shouting you created the emotion of anger what do you mean the goal of shouting came before anything else that is to say by shouting you wanted to make the way to submit to you and listen to what you had to say as a means to do that you fabricated the emotion of anger I fabricated it you've got to be joking then why did you raise your voice as I said before I blew my top I was deeply frustrated no you could have explained matters without raising your voice and the waiter would most likely have given you a sincere apology wiped your jacket with a clean cloth and taken other appropriate measures he might have even arranged for it to be dry cleaned and somewhere in your mind you were anticipating that he might do these things but even so you shouted the procedure of explaining things in normal words felt like too much trouble and you tried to get out of that and make this unresisting person submit to you the tool you used to do this was the emotion of anger youth no way you can't fool me I manufactured anger in order to make him submit to me I swear to you there wasn't even a second to think of such a thing I didn't think it over and then get angry anger is a more impulsive emotion philosopher that's right anger is an instantaneous emotion now listen I have a story one day a mother and daughter were quarreling loudly then suddenly the telephone rang hello the mother picked up the receiver hurriedly her voice still thick with anger the caller was her daughter's Home Room teacher as soon as the mother realized who was phoning the tone of her voice changed and she became very polite then for the next 5 minutes or so she carried on a conversation in her best telephone Voice once she hung up in a moment her expression changed again and she went straight back to yelling at her daughter well that's not a particularly unusual story don't you see in a word anger is a tool that can be taken out as needed it can be put away the moment the phone rings and pulled out again after one hangs up the mother isn't yelling in Anger she cannot control she's simply using the anger to overpower her daughter with a loud voice and thereby assert her opinions youth so anger is a means to achieve a goal philosopher that is what tell theology says youth ah I see now under that gentle looking mask you wear you're terribly nealis whether we're talking about anger or my reclusive friend all your insights are stuffed with feelings of distrust for human beings how to live without being controlled by the past philosopher how am I being nistic you think about it simply put you deny human emotion you say that emotions are nothing more than tools that they are just the means for achieving goals but listen If you deny emotion you're upholding a view that tries to deny our Humanity too because it's our emotions and the fact that we are swayed by all sorts of feelings that make us human if emotions are denied humans will be nothing more than poor excuses for machine me if that isn't realism then what is philosopher I am not denying that emotion exists everyone has emotions that goes without saying but if you're going to tell me that people are beings who can't resist emotion I'd argue against that Adan psychology is a form of thought a philosophy that is diametrically opposed to nealis we're not controlled by emotion in this sense while it shows that people are not controlled by emotion additionally it shows that we are not controlled by the past youth so people are not controlled either by emotion or the past philosopher okay for example Suppose there is someone whose parents had divorced at his past isn't this something objective the same as The Well w water that is always 18° but then does that divorce feel cold or does it feel warm so this is a now thing a subjective thing regardless of what may have happened in the past it is the meaning that is attributed to it that determines the way someone's present will be the question isn't what happened but how was it resolved exactly we can't go back to the p past in a time machine we can't turn back the hands of time if you end up staying in iology you will be bound by the past and never be able to find happiness that's right we can't change the past and that's precisely why life is so hard life isn't just hard if the past determined everything and couldn't be changed we who are living today would no longer be able to take effect effective steps forward in our lives what would happen as a result we would end up with the kind of nalism and pessimism that loses hope in the world and gives up on life the Freudian iology that is typified by the trauma argument is determinism in a different form and is the road to nalism are you going to accept values like that youth I don't want to accept them but the past is so powerful philosopher think of the possibilities if one assumes that people are beings who can change a set of values based on itology becomes untenable and one is compelled to take the position of teleology as a matter of course so you are saying that one should always take the people can change premise of course and please please understand it is Freudian iology that denies our Free Will and treats humans like machines the young man paused and glanced around the Philosopher's study Flor to sealing bookshelves filled the walls and on a small wooden desk lay a fountain pen and what appeared to be a partially written manuscript people are not driven by past causes but move toward goals that they themselves set that was the Philosopher's claim the teleology he espoused was an idea that overturned at the root the causality of respectable psychology and the young man found that impossible to accept so from which standpoint should he start to argue it the youth took a deep breath Socrates and Adler youth all right let me tell you about another friend of mine a man named why he's the kind of person who has always had a bright personality and talks easily to anyone he's like a sunflower everyone loves him and people smile whenever he's around in contrast I am someone who has never had an easy time socially and who's kind of warped in various ways now you are claiming that people can change through Adler's teleology philosopher yes you I and everyone can change youth then do you think I could become someone like why from the bottom of my heart I really wish I could be like him at this point I'd have to say that's totally out of the question aha now you're showing your true colors so are you going to retract your theory no I am not unfortunately you have almost no understanding of Adan psychology yet the first step to change is knowing so if I can understand just something about Adan psychology can I become a person like why why are you rushing for answers you should arrive at answers on your own and not rely upon what you get from someone else answers from others are nothing more than stop Gap measures they're of no value take Socrates who left not one book actually written by himself he spent his days having public debates with the citizens of Athens especially the young and it was his disciple Plato who put his philosophy into writing for future Generations Adler too showed little interest in literary activities preferring to engage in personal dialogue log at cafes in Vienna and hold small discussion groups he was definitely not an armchair intellectual so Socrates and Adler both conveyed their ideas by dialogue that's right all your doubts will be dispelled through this dialogue and you will begin to change not by my words but by your own doing I do not want to take away that valuable process of arriving at answers through dialogue youth so are we going to try and reenact the kind of dialogue that Socrates and Adler carried out in this little study isn't that good enough for you youth that's what I'm hoping to find out so let's take it as far as we can until either you retract your theory or I bow before you are you okay just as you are philosopher okay let's go back to your query so you'd like to be a more upbeat person like why youth but you just rejected that and said it was out of the question well I guess that's just how it is I was just saying that to give you a hard time I know myself well enough I could never be someone like that why not it's obvious because we have different personalities or I guess you could say dispositions you for instance live surrounded by all these books you read a new book and gain new knowledge basically you keep accumulating knowledge the more you read the more your knowledge increases you find new concepts of value and it seems to you that they change you look I hate to break it to you but no matter how much knowledge you gain your dispos position or personality isn't going to basically change if your base gets skewed all you've learned will be useless yes all the knowledge you've acquired will come crashing down around you and then the next thing you know you'll be back to where you started and the same goes for Adler's ideas no matter how many facts I may try to accumulate about him they're not going to have any effect on my personality knowledge just gets piled up as knowledge until sooner or later it's discarded philosopher then let me ask you this why do you think you want to be like why I guess you just want to be a different person whether it's why or someone else but what is the goal of that you're talking about goals again as I said earlier it's just that I admire him and I think I'd be happier if I were like him you think think you'd be happier if you were like him which means that you are not happy now right what right now you are unable to feel really happy this is because you have not learned to love yourself and to try to love yourself you are wishing to be reborn as a different person you're hoping to become like why and throw away who you are now correct yes I guess that's right let's face it I hate myself I the one who's doing this playing around with old-fashioned philosophical discourse and who just can't help doing this sort of thing yes I really hate myself that's all right if you were to ask around for people who say they like themselves you'd be hard pressed to find someone who'd puff up their chest with pride and say yes I like myself s how about you do you like yourself at the very least I do not think I would like to be a different person and I accept who I am you accept who you are look no matter how much you want to be why you cannot be reborn as him you are not why it's okay for you to be you however I am not saying it's fine to be just as you are if you are unable to really feel happy then it's clear that things aren't right just as they are you've got to put one foot in front of the other and not stop youth that's a harsh way of putting it but I get your point it's clear that I'm not right just the way I am I've got to move forward philosopher to quote Adler again the important thing is not what one is born with with but what use one makes of that equipment you want to be why or someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with instead you've got to focus on what you can make of your equipment unhappiness is something you choose for yourself youth no way that's unreasonable philosopher why is it unreasonable youth why some people are born into affluent circumstances with parents who are nice and others are born poor with bad parents because that's how the world is and I don't really want to get into this sort of subject but things aren't equal in the world and differences between race nationality and ethnicity remain as deep as ever it's only natural to focus on what you were born with all your talk is just academic Theory you're ignoring the real world world it is you who is ignoring reality does fixating on what you were born with change the reality we are not replaceable machines it is not replacement we need but renewal to me replacement and renewal are one and the same you're avoiding the main point look there is such a thing as unhappiness from birth please acknowledge that first of all I will not acknowledge that why for one thing right now you are unable to feel real happiness you find living hard and even wish you could be reborn as a different person but you are unhappy now because you yourself chose being unhappy not because you were born under an unlucky star I chose to be unhappy How can I possibly accept that there's nothing extraordinary about it it's been repeated ever since the classical Greek era have you heard the saying no one desires evil it's a proposition generally known as a Socratic Paradox youth there's no shortage of people who desire evil is there of course there are plenty of Thieves and murderers and don't forget all the politicians and officials with their Shady deals it's probably harder to find a truly good upright person who does not desire evil philosopher without question there is no shortage of behavior that is evil but no one not even the most hardened criminal becomes involved in crime purely out of a desire to engage in evil acts every criminal has an internal justification for getting involved in crime a dispute over money leads someone to engage in Murder for instance to the perpetrator it is something for which there is a justification and which can be restated as an accomplishment of good of course this is not good in a moral sense but good in the sense of being of benefit to oneself of benefit to oneself the Greek word for good agathon does not have a moral meaning it just means beneficial conversely the word for evil kacon means not beneficial our world is Rife with injustices and misdeeds of all kinds yet there is not one person who desires evil in the purest sense of the word that is to say something not beneficial youth what does this have to do with me philosopher at some stage in your life you chose being unhappy it is not because you were born into unhappy circumstances or ended up in an unhappy situation it's that you judged being unhappy to be good for you why what for how do you justify this why did you choose to be unhappy I have no way of knowing the specific answers or details perhaps it will become clearer as we debate this youth you are really trying to make a fool of me you think this passes for philosophy I do not accept this at all in spite of himself the young man got up and glared at the philosopher I chose an unhappy life because it was good for me what an absurd argument why is he going to such lengths to ridicule me what did I do wrong I'll dismantle his argument no matter what it takes I'll make him kneel before me the young man's face flushed with excitement people always choose not to change philosopher sit down as things stand it's only natural that our views Clash I will now give a simple explanation as to the manner in which humans are understood in Adan psychology youth okay but please be brief philosopher earlier you said that any person's disposition or personality cannot be changed in Adian psychology we describe personality and disposition with the word lifestyle lifestyle yes lifestyle is the Tendencies of thought and action in life Tendencies of thought and action how one sees the world and how one sees oneself think of Lifestyle as a concept bringing together these ways of finding meaning in a narrow sense lifestyle could be defined as someone's personality taken more broadly it is a word that encompasses the world view of that person and their outlook on life their view of the world say there's someone who worries about himself and says I am a pessimist one could rephrase that to instead say I have a pessimistic view of the world you could consider that the issue is not personality but rather the view of the world it seems that the word personality is nuanced and suggests being unchangeable but if we're talking about a view of the world well then that should be possible to alter H this is kind of confusing when you speak of a lifestyle do you mean a way of living yes you could put it that way to be a little more accurate it is the way one's life should be you probably think of disposition or personality as something with which you are endowed without any connection to your will in liian psychology however lifestyle is thought of as something that you choose for yourself that you choose for yourself yes exactly you choose your lifestyle so not only did I choose to be unhappy but I even went so far as to choose this warped personality too absolutely H now you're really pushing it when I became became aware I already had this personality I certainly don't have any recollection of having chosen it but it's the same for you isn't it being able to choose one's own personality at will now that sounds like you're talking about robots not people philosopher of course you did not consciously choose this kind of self your first choice was probably unconscious combined with external factors you have referred refer to that is race nationality culture and home environment these certainly had a significant influence on that choice nevertheless it is you who chose this kind of self I don't get what you're saying how on Earth could I have chosen it Adian psychology view is that it happens around the age of 10 well for argument sake and now I'm really going out on a limb say that when I was 10 I unconsciously made this choice of lifestyle or whatever would that even matter you can call it personality or disposition or lifestyle but regardless I had already become this kind of self the state of things doesn't change at all that is not true if your lifestyle is not something that you were naturally born with but something you chose yourself then it must be possible to choose it over again now you're saying I can choose it all over maybe you haven't been aware of your lifestyle until now and maybe you haven't been aware of the concept of Lifestyle either of course no one can choose his or her own birth being born in this country in this era and with these parents are things you did not choose and all these things things have a great deal of influence you'll probably face disappointment and start looking at other people and feeling I wish I'd been born in their circumstances but you can't let it end there the issue is not the past but here in the present and now you've learned about lifestyle but what you do with it from here on in is your responsibility whether you go on choosing the lifestyle you've had up till now or you choose a new lifestyle alt together it's entirely up to you then how do I choose again you're telling me you chose that lifestyle yourself so go ahead and select a new one instantly but there's no way I can just change on the spot yes you can people can change at any time regardless of the environments they are in you are only unable to change because you are making the decision not to what do you mean exactly people are constantly selecting their Lifestyles right now while we are having this tart Tate we are selecting ours you describe yourself as an unhappy person you say that you want to change right this minute you even claim that you want to be reborn as a different person after all that then why are you still unable to change it is because you are making the persistent decision not to change your lifestyle no don't you see that's completely illogical I do want to change that is my sincere wish so how could I be making the decision not to although there are some small inconveniences and limitations you probably think that the lifestyle you have now is the most practical one and that it's just easier to leave things as they are if you stay just like this experience enables you to respond properly to events as they occur while guessing the results of one's actions you could say it's like driving your old familiar car it might rattle a bit but one can take that into account and maneuver easily on the other hand if one chooses a new lifestyle no one can predict what might happen to the new self or have any idea how to deal with events as they arise it will be hard to see ahead to the future and life will be filled with anxiety a more painful and unhappy life might lie ahead simply put people have various complaints about things but it's easier and more secure to be just the way one is one wants to change but changing is scary when we try to change our lifestyles we put our great courage to the test there is the anxiety generated by changing and the disappointment attendant to not changing I am sure you have selected the latter youth wait just now you used the word courage philosopher yes Adan psychology is a psychology of Courage your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment it isn't that you lack competence you just lack courage one might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy your life is decided Here and Now Youth the courage to be happy huh philosopher do you need further explanation youth no hold on this is getting confusing first you tell me that the world is a simple place that it only seems complicated because of me and that my subjective view is making it that way and also that life just seems complicated because I make it complicated all of which is what makes it difficult for me to live happily then you say that one should take the stance of teleology as opposed to Freudian iology that one must not search for causes in one's past and should deny trauma you say that people act to achieve some goal or other instead of being creatures who are driven by causes in their past right yes furthermore as the major premise of teleology you say that people can change that people are always selecting their own Lifestyles that is correct so I am unable to change because I myself keep repeatedly making the decision not to change I don't have enough courage to choose a new lifestyle in other words I do not have enough courage to be happy and that's why I'm unhappy have I got anything wrong no you haven't okay in that case my question is what are the real measures I should take what do I need to do to change my life you haven't explained all that yet you are right what you should do now is make a decision to stop your current life style for instance earlier you said if only I could be someone like why I'd be happy as long as you live that way in the realm of the possibility of if only such and such were the case you will never be able to change because saying if only I could be like why is an excuse to yourself for not changing an excuse not to change yes I have a young friend who dreams of becoming a novelist but who never seems to be able to complete his work according to him his job keeps him too busy and he can never find enough time to write novels and that's why he can't complete work and enter it for writing Awards but is that the real reason no it's actually that he wants to leave the possibility of I can do it if I try open but not committing to anything he doesn't want to expose his work to criticism and he certainly doesn't want to face the reality that he might produce an inferior piece of writing and face rejection he wants to live inside that realm of possibilities where he can say that he could do it if he only had the time or that he could write if he just had the proper environment and that he really does have the talent for it in another five or 10 years he will probably start using other excuses like I'm not young anymore or I've got a family to think about now I can relate All Too Well to how he must feel he should just enter his writing for an award and if he gets rejected so be it if he did he might grow or discover that he should pursue something different either way he would be be able to move on that is what changing your current lifestyle is about he won't get anywhere by not submitting anything youth but maybe his dreams will be shattered philosopher well I wonder having simple tasks things that should be done while continually coming up with various reasons why one can't do them sounds like a hard way to live doesn't it so in the case of my friend who dreams of becoming a novelist it is clearly the eye or the self that is making life complicated and too difficult to live happily youth but that's harsh your philosophy is too tough philosopher indeed it is strong medicine strong medicine yes I agree but if you change your lifestyle the way of giving meaning to the world and yourself then both your way of interacting with the world and your behavior will have to change as well do not forget this point one will have to change you just as you are have to choose your lifestyle it might seem hard but it is really quite simple youth according to you there's no such thing as trauma an environment doesn't matter either it's all just baggage and my unhappiness is my own fault right I'm starting to feel I'm being criticized for everything I've ever been and done philosopher no you are not being criticized rather as Adler's teleology tells us no matter what has occurred in your life up to this point it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on that you living in the here and now are the one who determines your own own life youth my life is determined at this exact point philosopher yes because the past does not exist all right well I don't agree with your theories 100% there are many points I'm not convinced about and that I would argue against at the same time your theories are worth further consideration I'm definitely interested in learning more about Adan psychology I think I've had enough for tonight but I hope you won't mind if I come again next week if I don't take a break I think my head might burst I'm sure you need some time on your own to think things over I'm always here so you can visit whenever you like I enjoyed it thank you let's talk again great one last thing if I may our discussion today was long and got pretty intense and I guess I spoke rather rudely for that I'd like to apologize don't worry about it you should read Plato's dialogues the conduct and language of the Disciples of Socrates are surprisingly loose that's the way a dialogue is supposed to be the second night all problems are interpersonal relationship problems the young man was good to his word exactly one week later he returned to the Philosopher's study truth be told he' felt the urge to rush back there only two or 3 days after his first visit he had turned things over in his mind very carefully and his doubts had turned to certainty in short teleology the attributing of the purpose of a given phenomenon rather than its cause was a sophistry and the existence of trauma was beyond question people cannot simply forget the past and neither can they become free from it today the young man decided he had thoroughly dismantled this eccentric philosopher's theories and settle matters once and for all why you dislike yourself self youth so after last time I calmed myself down focused and thought things over and yet I've got to say I still can't agree with your theories philosopher oh what do you find questionable about them well for instance the other day I admitted that I dislike myself no matter what I do I can't find anything but shortcomings and I can see no reason why I start liking myself but of course I still want to you explain everything as having to do with goals but what kind of goal could I have here I mean what kind of Advantage could there be in my not liking myself I can't imagine there'd be a single thing to gain from it I see you feel that you don't have any strong points that you've got nothing but shortcomings whatever the facts might might be that's how you feel in other words your self-esteem is extremely low so the questions here then are why do you feel so wretched and why do you view yourself with such low esteem because that's a fact I really don't have any strong points you're wrong you notice only your shortcomings because you've resolved to not start liking yourself in order to not like yourself you don't see your strong points and focus only on your shortcomings first understand this point I have resolved to not start liking myself that's right to you not liking yourself is a virtue why what for perhaps this is something you should think about yourself what sort of shortcomings do you think you have I'm sure you have already noticed first of all there's my personality I don't have any self-confidence and I'm always pessimistic about everything and I guess I'm too self-conscious because I worry about what other people see and then I live with a constant distrust of other people I can never Act Naturally there's always something theatrical about what I say and do and it's not just my personality there's nothing to like about my face or my body either when you go about listing your shortcomings like that what kind of mood does it put you in well that's nasty an unpleasant mood naturally I'm sure that no one would want to get involved with a guy as walked as me if there were anyone this wretched and bothersome in my vicinity I'd keep my distance too I see well that settles it then what do you mean it might be hard to understand from your own example so I'll use another I use this study for simple counseling sessions it must have been quite a few years ago but there was a female student who came by she sat right where you were sitting now in the same chair well her concern was her fear of blushing she told me that she was always turning red whenever she was out in public and that she would do anything to rid herself of this so I asked her well if you can cure it what will you want to do then and she said that there was a man she wanted she secretly had feelings for him but wasn't ready to divulge them once her fear of blushing was cured she'd confess her desire to be with him youth huh all right it sounds like the typical thing a female student would seek C counseling for in order for her to confess her feelings for him first she had to cure her blushing problem but is that really the whole case I have a different opinion why did she get this fear of blushing and why hadn't it gotten better because she needed that symptom of blushing what are you saying exactly she was asking you to cure it wasn't she what do you think was the scariest thing to her the thing she wanted to avoid most of all it was that the man would reject her of course the fact that her unrequited love would negate everything for her the very existence and possibility of I this aspect is deeply present in adolescent unrequited love but as long as she has a fear of blushing she can go on thinking I can't be with him because I have this fear of blushing it could end without her ever working up the courage to confess her feelings to him and she could convince herself that he would reject her anyway and finally she can live in the possibility that if only my fear of blushing had gotten better I could have youth okay so she fabricated that fear of blushing as an excuse for her own inability to confess her feelings or maybe as a kind of insurance for when he rejected her yes you could put it that way okay that is an interesting interpretation but if that were really the case wouldn't it be impossible to do anything to help her since she simultaneously needs that fear of blushing and is suffering because of it there'd be no end to her troubles well this is what I told her fear of blush ing is easy to cure she asked really I went on but I will not cure it she pressed me why I explained look it's thanks to your fear of blushing that you can accept your dissatisfaction with yourself and the world around you and with a life that isn't going well it's thanks to your fear of blushing and it's caused by it she asked how could it be I went on if I did cure it and nothing in your situation changed at all what would you do you'd probably come here again and say give me back my fear of blushing and that would be beyond my abilities H her story certainly isn't unusual students preparing for their exams think if I pass life will be Rosy company workers think if I get transferred everything will go well but even when those wishes are fulfilled in many cases nothing about their situations changes at all indeed when a client shows up requesting a cure from fear of blushing the counselor must not cure the symptoms if they do recovery is likely to be even more difficult that is the Adan psychology way of thinking about this kind of thing so what specifically do you do then do you ask what they're worried about and then just leave it she didn't have confidence in herself she was very afraid that things being what they were he'd reject her even if she did confess to him and if that happened she'd lose even more confidence and get hurt that's why she created the symptom of the fear of blushing what I can do is to get the person first to accept myself now and then regardless of the outcome have the courage to step forward in Adan psychology this kind of approach is called encouragement encouragement yes I'll explain systematically what it consists of once our discussion has progressed a little farther we're not at that stage yet that works for me in the meantime I'll keep the word encouragement in mind so whatever happened to her apparently she had the chance to join a group of friends and spend time with the man and in the end it was he who confessed his desire to be with her of course she never dropped by this study again after that I don't know what became of her fear of blushing but she probably didn't need it any longer yes she clearly didn't have any use for it anymore that's right now keeping this student story in mind let's think about your problems you say that at present you notice only your shortcomings and it's unlikely that you'll ever come to like yourself and then you said I'm sure that no one would want to get involved with a guy as warped as me didn't you I'm sure you understand this ready why do you dislike yourself why do you focus only on your shortcomings and why have you decided to not start liking yourself it's because you are overly afraid of being disliked by other people and getting hurt in your interpersonal relationships what do you mean by that just like the young woman with the fear of blushing who is afraid of being rejected by the man you are afraid afraid of being negated by other people you're afraid of being treated disparagingly being refused and sustaining deep mental wounds you think that instead of getting entangled in such situations it would be better if you just didn't have relations with anyone in the first place in other words your goal is to not get hurt in your relationships with other people huh now how can that go will be realized the answer is easy just find your shortcomings start disliking yourself and become someone who doesn't enter into interpersonal relationships that way if you can shut yourself into your own shell you won't have to interact with anyone and you'll even have a justification ready whenever other people snub you that it's because of your shortcomings that you get snubbed and if things weren't this way you too could be loved haha well you've really put me in my place now don't be evasive being the way I am with all these shortcomings is for you a precious virtue in other words something that's to your benefit ouch that hurts what a sadist you're diabolical okay yes it's true I am afraid I don't want to get hurt in inter personal relationships I'm terrified of being snubbed for who I am it's hard to admit it but you're right admitting is a good attitude but don't forget it's basically impossible to not get hurt in your relations with other people when you enter into interpersonal relationships it is inevitable that to a greater or lesser extent you will get hurt and you will hurt someone too Adler says to get rid of one's problems all one can do is live in the universe all alone but one can't do such a thing all problems are interpersonal relationship problems youth wait a minute I'm supposed to just let that one slip by to get rid of one's problems all one can do is live in the universe all alone what do you mean by that if you lived all alone wouldn't you be horribly lonely philosopher oh but being alone isn't what makes you feel lonely loneliness is having other people and society and Community around you and having a deep sense of being excluded from them to feel lonely we need other people that is to say it is only in Social context that a person becomes an individual youth if you were really alone that is if you existed completely alone in the universe you wouldn't be an individual and you wouldn't feel lonely either philosopher I suppose the very concept of loneliness wouldn't even come up you wouldn't need language and there would be no use for logic or common sense either but such a thing is impossible even if you lived on an uninhabited Island you would think about someone far across the ocean even if you spend your nights alone you strain your ears to hear the sound of someone's breath as long as there is someone out there somewhere you will be haunted by loneliness youth but then you could just rephrase that as if one could live in the universe all alone one's problems would go away couldn't you philosopher in theory yes as Adler goes so far as to assert all problems are interpers personal relationship problems can you say that again we can repeat it as many times as you like all problems are interpersonal relationship problems this is a concept that runs to the very root of Adan psychology if all interpersonal relationships were gone from this world which is to say if one were alone in the universe and all other people were gone all manner of problems would disappear youth that's a lie it's nothing more than academic sophistry philosopher of course we cannot do without interpersonal relationships a human being's existence in its very essence assumes the existence of other human beings living completely separate from others is in principle impossible as you are indicating the premise if one could live alone in the universe is is unsound that's not the issue I'm talking about sure interpersonal relationships are probably a big problem that much I acknowledge but to say that everything comes down to interpersonal relationship problems now that's really an extreme position what about the worry of being cut off from interpersonal relationships the kind of problems that an individual agonizes over as an individual problems directed to oneself do you deny all that there is no such thing as worry that is completely defined by the individual so-called internal worry does not exist whatever the worry that may arise the shadows of other people are always present but still you're a philosopher human beings have loftier greater problems than things like interpersonal relationships what is happiness what is freedom and what is the meaning of life aren't these the themes that philosophers have been investigating ever since the ancient Greeks and you're saying so what interpersonal relationships are everything it seems kind of pedestrian to me it's hard to believe that a philosopher would say such things well then it seems there's a need to explain things a bit more concretely yes please do if you're going to tell me that you're a philosopher then you've got to really explain things or else this makes no sense you were so AF afraid of interpersonal relationships that you came to dislike yourself you've avoided interpersonal relationships by disliking yourself these assertions shook the youth to his very core the words had an undeniable truth that seemed to pierce his heart even so he had to find a clear rebuttal to the statement that all the problems that people experience are interpersonal relationship problems Adler was trivial realizing people's issues the problems I'm suffering from aren't so mundane feelings of inferiority are subjective assumptions philosopher well let's look at interpersonal relationships from a slightly different perspective are you familiar with the term feeling of inferiority youth what a silly question as you can surely tell from our discussion up to now I'm just a huge blob of feelings of inferiority what are those feelings specifically well for instance if I see something in a newspaper about a person around my age someone who's really successful I'm always overcome with these feelings of inferiority if someone else who's lived the same amount of time I have is so successful then what on Earth am I doing with myself or when I see a friend who seems happy before I even feel like celebrating with them I'm filled with envy and frustration of course this pimple covered face doesn't help matters and I've got strong feelings of inferiority when it comes to my education and occupation and then there's my income and social standing I guess I'm just completely riddled with feelings of inferiority I see incidentally Adler is thought to be the first to use the term feeling of inferiority in the kind of context in which it is spoken of today huh I didn't know that in Adler's native German the word is mindit which means a feeling Gul of having less minder worth vert so feeling of inferiority is a term that has to do with one's value judgment of oneself value judgment it's the feeling that one has no Worth or that one is only worth so much Ah that's a feeling I know well that's me in a nutshell not a day goes by without me tormenting myself that there's no point in being alive well then let's have a look at my own feelings of inferiority when you first met me what was your impression in terms of physical characteristics um well there's no need to hold back be direct all right I guess you were smaller than I'd imagined thank you I am 155 cm tall Adler was apparently around the same height there was a time until I was right around your age actually when I was concerned about my height I was sure that things would be different if I were of average height 20 or even just 10 cm taller as if a more enjoyable life were waiting for me I talked to a friend about it when I was having these feelings and he said it was a bunch of nonsense and simply dismissed it that's horrible some friend and then he said what would you do if you got taller you know you've got a gift for getting people to relax with a man who's big and strong wrong it's true it does seem he can end up intimidating people just because of his size with someone small like me on the other hand people let go of their weariness so it made me realize that having a small build was a desirable thing both to me and to those around me in other words there was a transformation of values I'm not worried about my height anymore okay but that's wait until I'm finished the important thing here is that my height of 155 CM wasn't inferior it wasn't inferior it was not in fact lacking in or lesser than something sure my 155 cm is less than the average height and an objectively measured number at first glance one might think it inferior but the issue is really what sort of meaning I attribute to that height what sort of value I give it what does that mean my feelings about my height were all subjective feelings of inferiority which arose entirely through my comparing myself to others that is to say in my interpersonal relationships because if there hadn't been anyone with whom to compare myself I wouldn't have had any occasion to think I was sure right now you too are suffering from various feelings of inferiority But please understand that what you are feeling is not an objective inferiority but a subjective feeling of inferiority even with an issue like height it's all reduced to its subjectivity in other words the feelings of inferiority we're suffering from are subjective interpretations rather than objective facts exactly seeing it from my friend's point of view that I could get people to relax or that I don't intimidate them such aspects can become strong points of course this is a subjective interpretation you could even say it's an arbitrary assumption however there is one good thing about subjectivity it allows you to make your own choice precisely because I am leaving it to subjectivity the choice to VI by height as either an advantage or disadvantage is left open to me youth the argument that you can choose a new lifestyle philosopher that's right we cannot alter objective facts but subjective interpretations can be altered as much as one likes and we are all inhabitants of a subjective world we talked about this at the very beginning right yes the wellwater that's 18° now remember the German word for a feeling of inferiority mindit as I mentioned a moment ago feeling of inferiority is a term that has to do with one's value judgment of oneself then what on Earth could this value be okay take diamonds for instance which are traded at a high value or currency we find particular values for these things and say that one carat is this much that prices are such and such but if you change your point of view a diamond is nothing but a little Stone youth well intellectually it is philosopher in other words value is something that's based on a social context the value given to a $1 bill is not an objectively attributed value though that might be a common sense approach if one considers its actual cost as printed material the value is nowhere near a dollar if I were the only person in this world and no one else existed I'd probably be putting those $1 bills in my fireplace in wintertime maybe I'd be using them to blow my nose following exactly the same logic there should have been no reason at all for me to worry about my height youth if you were the only person in this world and no one else existed philosopher yes the problem of value in the end brings us back to interpersonal relationships again youth so this connects to what you were saying about all problems being interpersonal relationship problems yes that's correct an inferiority complex is an excuse youth but can you say for sure that feelings of inferiority are really a problem of interpersonal relationships even the kind of person who is regarded socially as a success who doesn't need to debase himself in relationships with other people still has some feelings of inferiority even the businessman who amasses enormous wealth the Peerless Beauty who is the Envy of all and the Olympic gold medalist every one of them would be plagued by feelings of inferiority well that that's how it seems to me how should I think about this philosopher Adler recognizes that feelings of inferiority are something everyone has there's nothing bad about feelings of inferiority themselves youth so why do people have them in the first place philosopher it's probably necessary to understand this in a certain order first of all people enter this world as helpless beings and people have the universal desire to escape from that helpless State Adler called this the pursuit of superiority pursuit of superiority this is something you could think of as simply hoping to improve or pursuing an ideal state for instance a toddler learns to steady himself on both legs he has the universal desire to learn language and to improve and all the advant ments of science throughout human history are due to this pursuit of superiority too okay and then the counterpart of this is the feeling of inferiority everyone is in this condition of wanting to improve that is the pursuit of superiority one holds up various ideals or goals and heads toward them however on not being able to reach one's ideals one harbors a sense of being lesser for instance there are chefs who the more inspired and accomplished they become are forever beset with the sort of feeling of inferiority that makes them say to themselves I'm still not good enough or I've got to bring my cooking to the next level and that sort of thing that's true Adler is saying that the persuit of superiority and the feeling of inferiority are not diseases but still stimulants to normal healthy striving and growth if it is not used in the wrong way the feeling of inferiority too can promote striving and growth the feeling of inferiority is a kind of Launchpad that's right one tries to get rid of one's feeling of inferiority and keep moving forward one's never satisfied with one's present situation even if it's just a single step one wants to make progress one wants to be happier there is absolutely nothing wrong with the state of this kind of feeling of inferiority there are however people who lose the courage to take a single step forward and who cannot accept the fact that the situation can be changed by making realistic efforts people who before even doing anything simply give up and say things like I'm not good enough anyway or even if I tried I wouldn't stand a chance youth well that's true there's no doubt about it if the feeling of inferiority is strong most people will become negative and say I'm not good enough anyway because that's what a feeling of inferiority is philosopher no that's not a feeling of inferiority that's an inferiority complex a complex that's what the feeling of inferior ity is isn't it be careful the way the word complex is used today in our country it seems to have the same meaning as feeling of inferiority you hear people saying I've got a complex about my eyelids or he's got a complex about his education that sort of thing this is an utter misuse of the term at base complex refers to an abnormal mental state made up of a complicated group of emotions and ideas ideas and has nothing to do with the feeling of inferiority for instance there's Freud's edus complex which is used in the context of discussing the abnormal attraction of the child to the opposite sex parent youth yes the nuances of abnormality are especially strong when it comes to the mother complex and the father complex philosopher for the same reason then it's crucial to not mix up feeling of inferiority and inferiority complex and to think about them as clearly separate youth concretely how are they different philosopher there is nothing particularly wrong with the feeling of inferiority itself you understand this point now right as Adler says the feeling of inferiority can be a trigger for striving and growth for instance if one had a feeling of inferiority with regard to one's education and resolve to oneself I'm not well educated so I'll just have to try harder than anyone else that would be a desirable Direction the inferiority complex on the other hand refers to a condition of having begun to use one's feeling of inferiority as a kind of excuse so one thinks to oneself I'm not well educated so I can't succeed or I'm not good-look so I can't get married when someone is in insisting on the logic of a is the situation so B cannot be done in such a way in everyday life that is not something that fits in the feeling of inferiority category it is an inferiority complex youth no it's a legitimate causal relationship if you're not well educated it takes away your chances of getting work or making it in the world you're regarded as low on the social scale and you can't succeed that's not an excuse at all it's just a cold hard fact isn't it no you are wrong how where am I wrong what you are calling a causal relationship is something that Adler explains as apparent cause and effect that is to say you convince yourself that there is some serious causal relationship where there is none whatsoever the other day someone told me the reason I can't get married easily is that my my parents got divorced when I was a child from the Viewpoint of Freudian iology the attributing of causes the parents divorce was a great trauma which connects in a clear causal relationship with one's views on marriage Adler however with his stance of teleology the attributing of purpose rejects such arguments as apparent cause and effect Youth and even so the reality is that having a good education makes it easier to be successful in society I had thought you were wise to the ways of the world philosopher the real issue is how one confronts that reality if what you are thinking is I am not well educated so I can't succeed then instead of I can't succeed you should think I don't want to succeed youth I don't want to succeed what kind of reasoning is that philosopher it's simply that it's scary to take even one step forward also that you don't want to make realistic efforts you don't want to change so much that you'd be willing to sacrifice the pleasures you enjoy now for instance the time you spend playing and engaged in hobbies in other words you're not equipped with the courage to change your lifestyle it's easier with things just as they are now even if you have some complaints or limitations brags have feelings of inferiority youth maybe so but further you Harbor an inferiority complex about education and think I'm not well educated so I can't succeed put the other way around the reasoning can be if only I were well educated I could be successful H true this is the other aspect of the inferiority complex those who manifest their inferiority complexes in words or attitudes who say that a is the situation so B cannot be done are implying that if only it were not for a I'd be capable and have value youth if only it weren't for this I could do it too yes as Adler points out no one is capable of putting up with having feelings of inferiority for a long period of time feelings of inferiority are something that everyone has but staying in that condition is too heavy to endure forever huh this is getting pretty confusing okay let's go over things one at a time the condition of having a feeling of inferiority is a condition of feeling some sort of lack in oneself in the present situation so then the question is how do you fill in the part that's missing right exactly how to compensate for the part that is lacking the healthiest way is to try to compensate through striving and growth for instance it could be by applying oneself to one's studies engaging in constant training or being diligent in one's work however people who aren't equipped with that courage end up stepping into an inferiority complex again it's thinking I'm not well educated so I can't succeed and it's implying your capability by saying if only I were well educated I could be really successful that the real me which just happens to be obscured right now by the matter of education is superior youth no that doesn't make sense the second thing you're saying is beyond being a feeling of inferiority that's really more bravado than anything else isn't it indeed the inferiority complex can also develop into another special mental state and what is that I doubt you have heard much about it it's the superiority complex superiority complex one is suffering from strong feelings of inferiority and on top of that that one doesn't have the courage to compensate through healthy modes of striving and growth that being said one can't tolerate the inferiority complex of thinking a is the situation so B cannot be done one can't accept one's incapable self at that point the person thinks of trying to compensate in some other fashion and looks for an easier way out what way is that it's to act as if one is indeed Superior and to indulge in a fabricated feeling of superiority a fabricated feeling of superiority a familiar example would be giving Authority what does that mean one makes a show of being on good terms with a powerful person broadly speaking it could be anyone from the leader of your school class to a famous celebrity and by doing that one lets it be known that one is special behaviors like misrepresenting one's work experience or excessive allegiance to particular brands of clothing are forms of giving Authority and probably also have aspects of the superiority complex in each case it isn't that the eye is actually Superior or special it is only that one is making the eye look Superior by linking it to Authority in short it's a fabricated feeling of super superiority Youth and at the base of that there is an intense feeling of inferiority of course I don't know much about fashion but I think it's advisable to think of people who wear rings with rubies and emeralds on all their fingers as having issues with feelings of inferiority rather than issues of aesthetic sensibility in other words they have signs of a superiority complex right but those who make themselves look bigger on borrowed power are essentially living according to other people's value systems they are living other people's lives this is a point that must be emphasized youth so a superiority complex that's a very interesting psychology can you give me a different example there's the kind of person who likes to boast about his achievements someone who clings to his past glory and is always recounting memories of the time when his light Shone brightest maybe you know some people like this all such people can be said to have superiority complexes youth the kind of man who boasts about his achievements yes it is an arrogant attitude but he can boast because he actually is superior you can't call that a fabricated feeling of superiority ah but you are wrong those who go so far as to boast about things out loud actually have no confidence in themselves as Adler clearly indicates the one who boasts does so only out of a feeling of inferiority youth you're saying that boasting is an inverted feeling of inferiority that's right if one really has confidence in oneself one doesn't feel the need to boast it's because one's feeling of inferiority is strong that one boasts one feels the need to flaunt one's superiority all the more there's the fear that if one doesn't do that not a single person will accept one the way I am this is a full-blown superiority complex youth so though one would think from the sound of the words that inferiority complex and superiority complex but Polar Opposites in actuality they border on each other yes they are clearly connected now there is one last example I'd like to give a complex example that deals with boasting it's a pattern leading to a particular feeling of superiority that manifests due to the feeling of inferiority itself becoming intensified concretely speaking it's bragging about one's own Mis Fortune bragging about one's own Misfortune the person who assumes a boasting manner when talking about his upbringing and the like the various misfortunes that have rained down upon him if someone should try to comfort this person or suggest some change be made he'll refuse The Helping Hand by saying you don't understand how I feel well there are people like that but such people try to make themselves Special by way of their experience of Misfortune and with the single fact of their Misfortune try to place themselves above others take the fact that I am short for instance let's say that kind-hearted people come up to me and say it's nothing to worry about or such things have nothing to do with human values now if I were to reject them and say you think you know what short people go through her no one would say a thing to me anymore I'm sure that everyone around me would start treating me just as if I were a boil about to burst and would handle me very carefully or should I say circumspectly absolutely true by doing that my position becomes Superior to other people's and I can become special quite a few people try to be a special being by adopting this kind of attitude when when they are sick or injured or suffering the mental anguish of heartbreak youth so they reveal their feeling of inferiority and use it to their advantage yes they use their Misfortune to their advantage and try to control the other party with it by declaring how unfortunate they are and how much they have suffered they are trying to worry the people around them their family and friends for example and to restrict their speech and behavior and control them the people I was talking about at the very beginning who shut themselves up in their rooms frequently indulge in feelings of superiority that use Misfortune to their advantage so much so that Adler himself pointed out in our culture weakness can be quite strong and powerful youth so weakness is powerful Adler says in fact if we were to ask ourselves who is the strongest person in our culture The Logical answer would be the baby the baby rules and cannot be dominated the baby rules over the adults with his weakness and it is because of this weakness that no one can control him I've never encountered that Viewpoint of course the words of the person who has been hurt you don't understand how I feel are likely to contain a certain degree of Truth completely understanding the feelings of the person who is suffering is something that no one is capable of but as long as one continues to use one's Misfortune to one's advantage in order to be special one will always need that Misfortune the youth and philosopher had now covered a series of discussion topics the feeling of inferiority the inferiority complex and the superiority complex psychology keywords though they clearly were the truths they contained differed greatly from the youth's imagined meanings still something didn't feel right to him somehow what is it about all this that I'm having a hard time accepting well it must be the introductory part the premise that is giving me doubts the youth calmly opened his mouth to speak life is not aom comptition youth but I guess I still don't really get it philosopher okay ask me anything you like youth Adler recognizes that the pursuit of superiority one's trying to be a more Superior being is a universal desire doesn't he on the other hand he's striking a note of warning with regard to excessive feelings of inferiority and super superiority it would be easy to understand if he could renounce the pursuit of superiority then I could accept it what are we supposed to do philosopher think about it this way when we refer to the pursuit of superiority there's a tendency to think of it as the desire to try to be superior to other people as the desire to climb higher even if it means kicking others down you know the image of a sending a Stairway and pushing people out of the way to get to the top Adler does not uphold such attitudes of course rather he's saying that on the same Level Playing Field there are people who are moving forward and there are people who are moving forward behind them keep that image in mind though the distance covered and the speed of walking differ everyone is walking equally in the same flat place the pursuit of superiority is the mindset of taking a single step forward on one's own feet not the mindset of competition of the sort that necessitates aiming to be greater than other people youth so life is not a competition that's right it's enough to just keep moving in a forward Direction without competing with anyone and of course there is no need to compare oneself with others youth know that impossible we'll always compare ourselves to other people no matter what that's exactly where our feeling of inferiority comes from isn't it philosopher a healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others but from one's comparison with one's ideal self but look all of us are different gender age knowledge experience appearance no two of us are exactly the same let's acknowledge in a positive manner the fact that other people are different from us and that we are not the same but we are equal we are not the same but we are equal that's right everyone is different don't mix up that difference with good and bad and Superior and inferior whatever differences we may have we are all equal youth no distinction of rank for people IDE realistically speaking I suppose so but aren't we trying to have an honest discussion about reality now would you really say for instance that I an adult and a child who is still struggling with his arithmetic are equal philosopher in terms of the amount of knowledge and experience and then the amount of responsibility that can be taken there are bound to be differences the child might not be able to tie his shoes properly or figure out complicated mathematical equations or be able to take the same degree of responsibility as an adult when problems arise however such things shouldn't have anything to do with human values my answer is the same human beings are all equal but not the same youth then are you saying that a child should be treated like a full-grown adult no instead of treating the child like an adult or like a child one must treat them like a human being one interacts with the child with sincerity as another human being just like oneself youth let's change the question all people are equal they're on the same level playing field but actually there's a disparity here isn't there those who move forward are superior and those who pursue them from behind are inferior so we end up at the problem of Superior and inferior don't we philosopher no we do not it does not matter if one is trying to walk in front of others or walk behind them it is as if we are moving through a flat space that has no vertical axis we do not walk in order to compete with someone it is in trying to progress past who one is now that there is value youth have you become free from all forms of competition of course I do not think about gaining status or honor and I live my life as an outsider philosopher without any connection whatsoever to worldly competition youth does that mean you dropped out of competition that you somehow accepted defeat no I withdrew from places that are preoccupied with winning and losing when one is trying to be oneself competition will inevitably get in the way no way that's aough tired out old man's argument Young Folks like me have to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps amid the tension of competition it's because I don't have a rival running alongside me that I can't outdo myself what's wrong with thinking of interpersonal relationships as competitive if that rival was someone you could call a comrade it's possible that it would lead to self-improvement but in many cases a competitor will not be your comrade meaning what exactly you are the only one worrying about your appearance philosopher let's tie up the loose ends at the outset you expressed dissatisfaction with Adler's definition that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems right that was the basis for our discussion on feelings of inferiority yes that's correct the subject of feelings of inferior priority was too intense and I was on the verge of forgetting that point why did you bring up the subject in the first place it is connected with the subject of competition please remember that if there is competition at the core of a person's interpersonal relationships he will not be able to escape interpersonal relationship problems or Escape Misfortune why not because at the end of a competition there are winners and losers it's perfectly fine to have winners and losers give some thought to it then if it were you specifically who had a consciousness of being in competition with the people around you in your relations with them you will have no choice but to be conscious of Victory or defeat Mr a got into this famous university Mr B found work at that big company and Mr C has hooked up with such a NIC looking woman and you'll compare yourself to them and think this is all I've got that's pretty specific when one is conscious of competition and victory and defeat it is inevitable that feelings of inferiority will arise because one is constantly comparing oneself to others and thinking I beat that person or I lost to that person the inferiority complex and the superiority complex are extensions of that now what kind of being do you think the other person is to you at that point I don't know a rival I guess no not a mere rival before you know it you start to see each and every person everyone in the whole world as your enemy my enemy you start to think that people are always looking down on you and treating you with scorn that they're all enemies who must never be underestimated who lie and wait for any opening an attack at the drop of a hat in short that the world is a terrifying Place enemies who must never be underestimated that's who I'm in competition with this is what is so terrifying about competition even if you're not a loser even if you're someone who keeps on winning if you are someone who has placed himself in competition you will never have A Moment's Peace you don't want to be a loser and you always have to keep on winning if you don't want to be a loser you can't trust other people the reason that so many people don't really feel happy while they're building up their success in the eyes of society is that they are living in competition because to them the world is a perilous place that is overflowing with enemies I suppose so but but to other people actually look at you so much are they really watching you around the clock and lying in wait for the perfect moment to attack seems rather unlikely a young friend of mine when he was a teenager used to spend a lot of time in front of the mirror arranging his hair and once when he was doing that his grandmother said you're the only one who's worried how you look he says that it got a bit easier for him to deal with life after that youth hey that's a dig at me isn't it sure maybe I do see the people around me as enemies I'm constantly in fear of being attacked of the arrows that could come flying at me at any moment I always think that I'm being watched by others that I'm being subjected to harsh judgment and that I'm going to be attacked and it's probably true that this is a self-conscious reaction just like the mirror obsessed teenager the people of the world aren't paying attention to me even if I were to go walking on my hands down the street they'd take no notice but I don't know are you saying after all that my feeling of inferiority is something that I chose that has some sort of goal that just doesn't make any sense to me and why is that I have a brother who is three years older than I am he fits the classic image of the big brother he always does what our parents say he excels in his studies and in sports and he's the very picture of diligence and from the time I was little I was always compared to him he is older and more advanced so of course I could never beat him at anything our parents did not care at all about such circumstances never gave me any sign of recognition whatever I did I got treated like a child and I was berated at every opportunity and told to be quiet I learned to keep my feelings to myself I've lived my life totally steeped in feelings of inferiority and I had no choice but to be conscious of being in competition with my brother I see sometimes I think of it like this I'm like a gourd That Grew without getting enough Sun so it is only natural that I am all twisted up with feelings of inferiority if there's anyone who could grow straight in such a situation well I'd love to meet them I understand I really do understand how you feel now let's look at competition while taking into consideration your relationship with your brother if you didn't think with a competition orientation with regard to your brother and your other interpersonal relationships how would people seem to you well my brother is my brother and I guess other people are another story no they should become more positive comrades comrades earlier didn't you say I can't celebrate other people's happiness with all my heart you think of interpersonal relationships as competition you perceive other people's happiness as my defeat and that is why you can't celebrate it however once one is released from the schema of competition the need to triumph over someone disappears one is also released from the fear that says maybe I will lose and one becomes able to celebrate other people's happiness with all one's heart one may become able to contribute actively to other people's happiness the person who always has the will to help another in times of need that is someone who may properly be called your comrade H now we come to the important part when you are able to truly feel that people are my comrades your way of looking at the world will change utterly no longer will you think of the world as a perilous place or be plagued by needless doubts the world will appear before you as a safe and pleasant place and your interpersonal relationship problems will decrease dramatically youth what a happy person you are but you know that's all like a sunflower it's the reasoning of a sunflower that is bathed in full Sunshine every day and nurtured with ample watering a gourd grown in the dim shade doesn't do so well you are returning to iology the attributing of causes again oh yes I sure am raised by strict parents the youth had been oppressed and compared to his elder brother ever since childhood none of his opinions were ever heard and he was subjected to the violent words that he was a poor excuse for a little brother unable to make friends even at school he spent all his break time alone in the library which became his sole place of Refuge this youth who had passed his early years in such a way was truly an inhabitant of iology if he had not been raised by those parents if that elder brother had never existed and if he had not attended that school he could have had a brighter life the youth had been trying to participate in the discussion as cool-headed as possible but now his many years of pent up feelings came bursting out from Power struggle to Revenge youth okay all this talk about teleology and such is pure sophistry and Trauma definitely does exist and people cannot break free from the past surely you realize that we cannot go back to the past in a time machine as long as the past exists as the past we live within context from the past if one were to treat the past as something that does not exist that would be the same as negating the entire life one has led are you suggesting I choose such an irresp responsible life philosopher it is true that one cannot use a time machine or turn back the hands of time but what kind of meaning does one attribute to past events this is the task that is given to you now all right so let's talk about now last time you said that people fabricate the emotion of anger right and that that is the standpoint of teleology I still cannot accept that statement for example how would you explain instances of anger toward Society or anger toward government would you say that these two are emotions fabricated in order to push one's opinions philosopher certainly there are times when I feel indignation with regard to social problems but I would say that rather than a sudden burst of emotion it is indignation based on logic there is a difference between personal anger personal Grudge and indignation with regard to society's contradictions and injustices righteous indignation personal anger soon cools righteous indignation on the other hand lasts for a long time anger as an expression of a personal Grudge is nothing but a tool for making others submit to You Youth you say that personal grudges and righteous indignation are different they are completely different because righteous indignation goes beyond one's own interests youth then I'll ask about personal grudges surely even you get angry sometimes for instance if someone hurls abuse at you for no particular reason don't you no I do not come on be honest if someone were to abuse me to my face I would think about the person's hidden goal even if you are not directly abusive when you feel genuinely angry due to another person's words or behavior please consider that the person is challenging you to a power struggle a power struggle for instance a child will tease an adult with various pranks and misbehaviors in many cases this is something done with the goal of getting attention and will cease just before the adult gets genuinely angry however if the child does not stop before the adult gets genuinely angry then his goal is actually to get in a fight why would he want to get in a fight he wants to win he wants to prove his power by winning I don't really get that could you give me some more concrete examples let's say you and a friend have been discussing the current political situation before long it turns into a heated argument and neither of you is willing to accept any differences of opinion until finally it reaches the point where he starts engaging in personal attacks that you're stupid and it's because of people like you that this country doesn't change that sort of thing but if someone said that to me I wouldn't be able to put up with it in this case what is the other person's goal is it only that he wants to discuss politics no it isn't it's that he finds you unbearable and he wants to criticize and provoke you and make you submit through a power struggle if you get angry at this point the moment he has been anticipating will arrive and the relationship will suddenly turn into a power Struggle No matter what the provocation you must not get taken in youth no there's no need to run away from it if someone wants to start a fight it's fine to accept it because it's the other guy who's at fault anyway you can bash his nose in the stupid fool with words that is philosopher now let's say you take control of the quarrel and then the other man who was seeking to defeat you withdrawals in a sportsmanlike manner the thing is the power struggle doesn't end there having lost the dispute he rushes onto the next stage next stage yes it's the Revenge stage though he has withdrawn for the time being he will be scheming some revenge in another place and another form and will reappear with an act of retaliation like what for instance the child oppressed by his parents will turn to delinquency he'll stop going to school he'll cut his wrists or engage in other acts of self harm in Freudian iology this is regarded as simple cause and effect the parents raised the child in this way and that is why the child grew up to be like this it's just just like pointing out that a plant wasn't watered so it withered it's an interpretation that is certainly easy to understand but Adan thology does not turn a blind eye to the goal that the child is hiding that is to say the goal of Revenge on the parents if he becomes a delinquent stops going to school cuts his wrists or things like that the parents will be upset they'll panic and worry themselves sick over him it is in the knowledge that this will happen that the child engages in problem Behavior so that the current goal revenge on the parents can be realized not because he is motivated by past causes home environment he engages in problem behavior in order to upset his parents that's right there are probably a lot of people who feel mystified by seeing a child who cuts his wrists and think why would he do such a thing thing but try to think how the people around the child the parents for instance will feel as a result of the behavior of RIS cutting if you do the goal behind the behavior should come into view of its own accord the goal being Revenge yes and once the interpersonal relationship reaches the Revenge stage it is almost impossible for either party to find a solution to prevent this from happening when one is challenged to a power struggle one must never allow oneself to be taken in admitting fault is not defeat youth all right then what should you do when you're subjected to personal attacks right to your face do you just grin and bear it no the idea that you are bearing it is proof that you are still stuck in the power struggle when you are challenged to a fight and you sense that it is a power struggle step down from the conflict as soon as possible do not answer his action with a reaction that is the only thing we can do youth but is it really that easy to not respond to provocation in the first place how would you say I should control my anger philosopher when you control your anger you're bearing it right instead let's learn a way to settle things without using the emotion of anger because after all anger is a tool a means for achieving a goal that's a tough one the first thing that I want you to understand here is the fact that anger is a form of communication and that communication is nevertheless possible without using anger we can convey our thoughts and intentions and be accepted without any need for anger if you learn to understand this experientially the anger emotion will stop appearing all on its own youth but what if they come at you with mistaken accusations or make insulting comments I shouldn't get angry even then you don't seem to understand yet it's not that you mustn't get angry but that there is no need to rely on the tool of anger erasable people do not have short tempers it is only that they do not know that there are effective communication tools other than anger that is why people end up saying things like I just snapped or he flew into a rage we end up relying on anger to communicate youth effective communication tools other than anger we have language we can communicate through language believe in the power of language and the language of logic certainly if I did not believe in that we wouldn't be having this dialogue one more thing about power struggles in every instance no matter how much you might think you are right try not to criticize the other party on that basis this is an interpersonal relationship trap that many people fall into why is that the moment one is convinced that I am right in an interpersonal relationship one has already stepped into a power struggle just because you think you're right no way that's just blowing things all out of proportion I am right that is to say the other party is wrong at that point the focus of the discussion shifts from the rightness of the assertions to the state of the interpersonal relationship in other words the conviction that I am right leads to the assumption that this person is wrong and finally it becomes a contest and you are thinking I have to win it's a power struggle through and through H in the first place the rightness of one's assertions has nothing to do with winning or losing if you think you're are right regardless of what other people's opinions might be the matter should be closed then and there however many people will rush into a power struggle and try to make others submit to them and that is why they think of admitting a mistake as admitting defeat yes there definitely is that aspect because of one's mindset of not wanting to lose one is unable to admit one's mistake the result being that one ends up choosing the wrong path admitting mistakes conveying words of apology and stepping down from Power struggles none of these things is defeat the pursuit of superiority is not something that is carried out through competition with other people so when you're hung up on winning and losing you lose the ability to make the right choices yes it clouds your judgment and all you can see is imminent Victory or defeat then you turn down the wrong path it's only when we take away the lenses of competition and winning and losing that we can begin to correct and change ourselves overcoming the tasks that face you in life youth okay but there's still a problem it's the statement all problems are interpersonal relationships problems I can see that the feeling of inferiority is an interpersonal relationship worry and that it has certain effects on us and I accept as logical the idea that life is not a competition I cannot see other people as comrades and somewhere inside me I think of them as enemies this is clearly the case but the thing I find puzzling is why does Adler place so much importance on interpersonal relationships why does he go so far as to say all of them philosopher the issue of interpersonal relationships is so important that no matter how broadly it is addressed it never seems to suffice last time I told you what you are lacking is the courage to be happy you remember that right I couldn't forget it if I tried so why do you see other people as enemies and why can't you think of them as your comrades it is because you have lost your courage and you running away from your life tasks my life tasks right this is a crucial point in Adan psychology clear objectives are laid out for human behavior and psychology what sort of objectives first there are two objectives for Behavior to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with Society then the objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviors are the Consciousness that I have the ability and the Consciousness that people are my comrades youth just a moment I'm writing this down there are the following two objectives for Behavior to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with society and there are the following two objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviors the Consciousness that I have the ability and the Consciousness that people are my comrades okay I can see that it is a crucial subject to be self-reliant as an individual while living in harmony with people and Society it seems to tie him with everything we've been discussing philosopher and these objectives can be achieved by facing what Adler calls life tasks then what are life tasks let's think of the word life as tracing back to Childhood during childhood we protected by our parents and can live without needing to work but eventually the time comes when one has to be self-reliant one cannot be dependent on one's parents forever and one has to be self-reliant mentally of course and self-reliant in a social sense as well and one has to engage in some form of work which is not limited to the narrow definition of working at a company furthermore in the process of growing up one begins to have all kinds of friend relationships of course one may form a love relationship with someone that may even lead to marriage if it does one will start a marital relationship and if one has children a parent child relationship will begin Adler made three categories of the interpersonal relationships that arise out of these processes he referred to them as as tasks of work tasks of friendship and tasks of love and ALT together as life tasks youth are these tasks the obligations one has as a member of society in other words things like labor and payment of taxes no please think of this solely in terms of interpersonal relationships that is the distance and depth in one's interpersonal relationships add sometimes use the expression three social ties to emphasize the Point Youth the distance and depth in one's interpersonal relationships philosopher the interpersonal relationships that a single individual has no choice but to confront when attempting to live as a social being these are the life tasks they are indeed tasked in the sense that one has no choice but to confront them would you be more specific first let's look at the tasks of work regardless of the kind of work there is no work that can be completed all by oneself for instance I'm usually here in my study writing manuscripts for a book writing is completely autonomous work that I cannot have someone else do for me but then there is the presence of the editor and many others without whose assistance the work would not be realized from the people who handle book design and printing to the distribution and bookstore staff work that can be completed without the cooperation of other people is in principle unfeasible broadly speaking I suppose so however considered from the Viewpoint of distance and depth interpersonal relationships of work may be said to have the lowest hurdles interpersonal relationships of work have the easy to understand common objective of obtaining good results so people can cooperate even if they don't always get along and to some extent they have no choice but to cooperate and as long as a relationship is formed solely on the basis of work it will go back to being a relationship with an outsider when working hours are over or one changes jobs yes so true and the ones who get tripped up in the interpersonal relationships at this stage are the people referred to as neats a young person not an education employ or training or shut-ins a person can find indoors huh wait a minute are you saying that they don't try to work simply because they want to avoid the interpersonal relationships that are associated with work not that they don't want to work or that they're refusing to do manual labor putting aside the question of whether or not they are conscious of it themselves interpersonal relationships are at the core for example a man sends out resumés to find work and gets interviews only to be rejected by one company after another it hurts his pride he starts to wonder what the purpose in working is if he has to go through such things or he makes a big mistake at work the company is going to lose a huge sum of money because of him feeling utterly hopeless as if he's plunged Into Darkness he can't bear the thought of coming into work the following day none of these examples of the work itself becoming disagreeable what is disagreeable is being criticized or rebuked by others through the work getting labeled as having no ability or being incompetent or unsuited to the work and hurting the Dignity of one's irreplacable self in other words everything is an interpersonal relationship issue red string and rigid chains youth well I'll save my objections for later next what about the task of friendship philosopher this is a friend relationship in a broader sense away from work as there is none of the compulsion of the workplace it is a relationship that is difficult to initiate or deepen youth ah you've got that right if there's a space like one's school or workplace one can still build a relationship but then it would be a superficial relationship that is limited to that space to even attempt to initiate a personal friend relationship or find a friend in a place outside the school or workplace would be extremely difficult do you have anyone who you would call a close friend I have a friend but I'm not sure I'd call him a close friend philosopher it used to be the same for me when I was in high school I did not even try to make friends and spent my days studying Greek and German quietly absorbed in Reading philosophy books my mother was worried about me and went to consult my home room teacher and my teacher told her there's no need to worry he's a person who doesn't need friends those words were very encouraging to my mother and to me as well youth a person who doesn't need friends so in high school you didn't have a single friend no I did have one friend he said there's nothing really worth learning at a university and in the end he actually did not enter University he went into seclusion up in the mountains for several years and these days I hear he's working in journalism in Southeast Asia I haven't seen him in decades but I have the feeling that if we got together again we'd be able to hang out just as we did back then a lot of people think that the more friends you have the better but I'm not so sure about that there's no value at all in the number of friends or acquaintances you have and this is a subject that connects with the task of love but what we should be thinking about is the distance and depth of the relationship youth will it be possible for me to make close friends of course it will if you change those around you will change too they will have no choice but to change Adan psychology is a psychology for changing oneself not a psychology for changing others instead of waiting for others to change or waiting for the situation to change you take the first step forward yourself H the fact is that you came like this to visit me in my room and in you I have found a young friend I am your friend yes yes because you are the dialogue going on here is not counseling and we do not have a work relationship to me you are an Irreplaceable friend don't you think so I'm your Irreplaceable friend no I won't think anything about that right now let's just keep going what about the last one the task of Love think of it as divided into two stages one what are known as love relationships and two relationships with family in particular parent child relationships we have discussed work and friendship but of the three tasks most likely it is the task of love that is the most difficult when a friend relationship has turned into love speech and conduct that was permitted between friends May no longer be permitted the moment they become lovers specifically that would mean not per permitting socializing with Friends of the opposite sex and in some cases just speaking on the telephone to someone of the opposite sex is enough to arouse jealousy the distance is that close and the relationship that deep yes I suppose it can't be helped but Adler does not accept restricting one's partner if the person seems to be happy one can frankly celebrate that condition that is love relationship in which people restrict each other eventually fall apart youth wait that's an argument that can only lead to affirming infidelity because if one's partner were happily having an affair you're saying that one should celebrate even that no I am not affirming someone having an affair think about it in this way the kind of relationship that feels somehow oppressive and strained when the two people are together cannot be called love even if there is Passion when one can think whenever I am with this person I can behave very freely one can really feel love one can be in a calm and quiet Natural State without having feelings of inferiority or being beset with the need to flaunt one's superiority that is what real love is like restriction on the other hand is a manifestation of the mindset of a attempting to control one's partner and also an idea founded on a sense of distrust being in the same space with someone who distrusts you isn't a natural situation that one can put up with is it as Adler says if two people want to live together on good terms they must treat each other as equal personalities okay however in love relationships and marital relationships there is the option of separating so even a husband and wife who have been together for many years can separate if continuing the relationship becomes distressful in a parent child relationship however in principle this cannot be done if romantic love is a relationship connected by red string then the relationship between parents and children is bound in rigid chains and a pair of small scissors is all you have this this is the difficulty of the parent child relationship so what can one do what I can say at this stage is you must not run away no matter how distressful the relationship you must not avoid or put off dealing with it even if in the end you're going to cut it with scissors first you have to face it the worst thing to do is to just stand still with the situation as it is it is fundamentally impossible for a person to live life completely alone and it is only in Social contexts that the person becomes an individual that is why in Adian psychology self-reliance as an individual and cooperation within Society are put forth as overarching objectives then how can one achieve these objectives on this point Adler speaks of surmounting the three tasks of work friendship sh and love the tasks of the interpersonal relationships that a living person has no choice but to confront the youth was still struggling to grasp their true meaning don't fall for the life lie youth ah it's getting confusing again you said that I see other people as enemies and can't think of them as comrades because I'm running away from my life tasks what was that supposed to mean anyway suppose for instance that there is a certain Mr a whom you don't like because he has some flaws that are hard to forgive aha if we're looking for people I don't like there's no shortage of candidates philosopher but it isn't that you dislike Mr a because you can't forgive his flaws you had the goal of taking a dislike to Mr a beforehand and then started looking for the floors to satisfy that goal youth that's ridiculous why would I do that philosopher so that you could avoid an interpersonal relationship with Mr a no way that's completely out of the question it's obvious that the order of things is backwards he did something I didn't like that's why if he hadn't I'd have no reason for taking a dislike to him no you are wrong it's easy to see if you think back on the example of separating from a person whom one has been in a love relationship with in relationships between lovers or married couples there are times when after a certain point one becomes exasperated with everything one's partner says or does for instance she doesn't care for the way he eats his slovenly appearance at home fills her with revulsion and even his snoring sets are off even though until a few months ago none of it had ever bothered her before yes that sounds familiar the person feels this way because at some stage she has resolved to herself I want to end this relationship and she has been looking around for the material with which to end it the other person hasn't changed at all it is her own goal that has changed look people are extremely selfish creatures who are capable of finding any number of flaws and shortcomings in others whenever the mood strikes them a man of perfect character could come along and one would have no difficulty in digging up some reason to dislike him that's exactly why the world can become a perilous place at any time and it's always possible to see everyone as one's enemies youth so I I am making up flaws in other people just so that I can avoid my life tasks and more so I can avoid interpersonal relationships and I am running away by thinking of other people as my enemies that's right Adler indicated the state of coming up with all manner of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks and called it the life lie okay philosopher yes it's a severe term one shifts one's responsibility for the situation one is currently in to someone else one is running away from one's life tasks by saying that everything is the faults of other people or the fault of one's environment it's exactly the same as with the story I mentioned earlier about the female student with the fear of blushing one lies to oneself and one lies to the people around round one too when you really think about it it's a pretty severe term youth but how can you conclude that I am lying you don't know anything about what kind of people I have around me or what kind of life I lead do you true I don't know anything about your past not about your parents or your elder brother either I know only one thing what's that the fact that you are the one who decided your lifestyle and no one else ah if your lifestyle were determined by other people or your environment it would certainly be possible to shift responsibility but we choose our lifestyles ourselves it's clear where the responsibility lies so you're out to condemn me but you're calling people liars and cowards and saying that everyone is my responsibility you must not use the power of anger to look away this is a very important Point Adler never discusses the life tasks or life lies in terms of Good and Evil it is not morals or good and evil that we should be discussing but the issue of courage courage again yes even if you are avoiding your life tasks and clinging to your life lies it isn't because you are steeped in evil it is not an issue to be condemned from a moralistic standpoint it is only an issue of Courage from the psychology of possession to the psychology of practice youth so in the end what you're talking about is courage that reminds me last time you said that Adian psychology is a psychology of courage I will add to that by saying that Adan psychology is not a psychology of possession but a psychology of use so it's that statement it's not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment that's right thank you for remembering it Freudian iology is a psychology of possession and eventually arrives at determinism Adan psychology on the other hand is a psychology of use and it is you who decides it Adian psychology is a psychology of courage and at the same time it is a psychology of use we humans are not so fragile as to simply be at the mercy of eological cause and effect dramas from the standpoint of teleology we choose our lives and our lifestyles ourselves we have the power to do that youth but honest honly I do not have the confidence to overcome my inferiority complex and you might say that that's a LIF lie but I probably won't ever be able to break free from the inferiority complex why don't you think so maybe what you're saying is right actually I'm sure it is and courage really is what I am lacking I can accept the life Li as well I am scared of interacting with people I don't want to get hurt in interpersonal relationships ships and I want to put off my life tasks that's why I have all these excuses ready yes it's exactly as you say but isn't what you are talking about a kind of spiritualism all you're really saying is You've Lost Your courage you've got to pluck up your courage it's no different from the silly instructor who thinks he's giving you advice when he comes up and slaps you on the shoulder and says cheer up even though the reason I'm not doing well is because I can't just cheer up up so what you were saying is that you would like me to suggest some specific steps yes please I am a human being I'm not a machine I've been told that I'm all out of Courage but I can't just get a refill of Courage as if I were filling up my tank with fuel all right but we've gone quite late again tonight so let's continue this next time you aren't running away from it right of course not next time we will probably discuss Freedom not courage yes it will be a discussion of Freedom which is essential when talking about courage please give some thought to the matter of what freedom is what freedom is fine I'm looking forward to next time the third night discard other people's tasks two anguished Weeks Later the youth paid another visit to the Philosopher's study what is freedom why can't people be free why can't I be free what is the true nature of whatever it is that is constraining me the assignment he had been given was weighing heavily on him but it seemed seemed impossible to find a convincing answer the more he thought about it the more the youth began to notice his own lack of Freedom deny the desire for recognition youth so you said that today we would discuss Freedom philosopher yes did you have any time to think about what freedom is Yes actually I thought about it at Great length and did you arrive at any conclusions well I couldn't find any answers but I did find this it's not my own idea but something I came across at the library a line from a novel by DFI money is coined Freedom what do you think isn't coin Freedom a rather refreshing term but seriously I was fascinated to find this one line that drove right to the heart of this thing called money philosopher I see certainly if one were to speak in a very general sense of the true nature of that which is brought about by money one might say that is freedom it is an astute observation to be sure but you wouldn't go so far as to say freedom therefore is money would you youth it's exactly as you say there probably is freedom that can be gained by way of money and I'm sure that freedom is great than we imagine because in reality all the necessities of life are dealt with through financial transactions does it follow then that if one possesses great wealth one can be free I don't believe that is the case I would certainly like to believe that is not the case and that human values and human happiness cannot be bought with money philosopher well say for the moment that you have obtained Financial Freedom and and then though you have gained great wealth you have not found happiness at that time what problems and privations would remain For You Youth it would be the interpersonal relationships you have been mentioning I've thought deeply about this matter for instance you might be blessed with great wealth but not have anyone who loves you you have no comrades whom you could call friends and you are not liked by anyone this is a great Mis Fortune another thing I can't get out of my head is the word bonds every one of us is Tangled Up and writhing in these strings that we call bonds having to be attached to a person you don't even care for for example or to always watch out for your awful boss's mood swings imagine if you could be released from such Petty interpersonal relationships how easy things would be but no one can really do such a thing wherever we go we are surrounded by by other people and we are social individuals who exist in our relations to other people no matter what we do we cannot escape the strong rope of our interpersonal relationships I see now that Adler's statement all problems are interpersonal relationship problems is a great Insight philosopher it is a crucial Point Let's dig a Little Deeper what is it about our interpersonal relationships that is robbing us of our freedom you youth last time you spoke about whether one thinks of other people as enemies or as comrades you said that if one becomes able to see others as one's comrades one's way of looking at the world should change as well that certainly makes sense I felt quite convinced the other day when I left here but then what happened I gave the matter some careful thought and I noticed that there are aspects of interpersonal relationships that can't be completely explained like what what the most obvious one is the existence of parents I could never think of parents as enemies during my childhood especially they were my greatest Guardians who raised and protected me in that regard I am sincerely grateful still my parents were strict people I told you about this last time that they always compared me to my older brother and refused to recognize me and they have constantly made comments about my life saying I should study more not make friends friends with people like this or that get into this University at the very least get this kind of job and so on their demands put a lot of pressure on me and were certainly bonds then what did you end up doing youth it seems to me that until I started University I was never able to ignore my parents intentions I was anxious which was unpleasant but the fact of the matter is that my wishes always seem to end up overlapping with with my parents my place of work I chose myself however now that you mention it I haven't heard about that yet what kind of work do you do I'm now working as a librarian at a University Library my parents wanted me to take on my father's printing plant like my brother did because of this ever since I started my current job our relationship was been somewhat strained if they weren't my parents and instead were enemy likee presences in my my life I probably wouldn't have minded at all because no matter how much they might have tried to interfere I could always just ignore them but as I've said parents to me are not enemies whether or not they are comrades is another matter but at the very least they are not what I would call enemies it's a relationship that is much too close to be able to just ignore their intentions philosopher when you decided which university you would go to in life with your parents wishes what sort of emotion did you feel with regard to your parents youth it's complicated I did have feelings of resentment but on the other hand there was this sense of relief too you know that I could get them to recognize me if I went to that school you could get them to recognize you come on let's stop the roundabout leading questions I'm sure you know what I'm referring to it's the so-called desire for recognition it's interpersonal relationship problems in a nutshell we human beings live in constant need of recognition from others it is precisely because the other person is not an abor enemy that one wants recognition from him isn't it so yes that's right I want it to be recognized by my parents philosopher I see let's talk about one of the major premises of Adan psychology regard regarding this matter Adan psychology denies the need to seek recognition from others it denies the desire for recognition there is no need to be recognized by others actually one must not seek recognition this point cannot be overstated youth no way isn't desire for recognition a truly Universal desire that motivates all human beings do not live to satisfy the expectations of others philosopher being recognized by others is certainly something to be happy about but it would be wrong to say that being recognized is absolutely necessary for what does one seek recognition in the first place or to put it more succinctly why does one want to be praised by others youth it's simple it's through being recognize by others that each of us can truly feel we have value it is through recognition from others that one becomes able to wipe away one's feelings of inferiority one learns to have confidence in oneself yes it's an issue of value I think you mentioned it last time that the feeling of inferiority is an issue of value judgment it's because I could never get recognition from my parents that I have lived the life tainted by feelings of inferiority now let's consider a familiar setting for example let's say you've been picking up litter around your workplace the thing is no one seems to notice at all or if they do no one has given you any appreciation for what you've done or even said a single word of thanks well will you keep picking up litter from now on that's a difficult situation I suppose that if no one appreciates what I'm doing I might stop why picking up litter is for everyone if I'm rolling up my sleeves and getting it done but I don't get a word of thanks I guess I'd probably lose my motivation this is the danger of the desire for recognition why is it that people seek recognition from others in many cases it is due to the influence of reward and Punishment education reward and Punishment education if one takes appropriate action one receives praise if one takes inappropriate action one receives punishment Adler was very critical of Education by reward and Punishment it leads to mistaken lifestyles in which people think if no one is going to praise me I won't take appropriate action and if no one is going to punish me I'll engage in inappropriate actions too you already have the goal of wanting to be praised when you start picking up litter and if you aren't praised by anyone you'll either be indignant or decide that you'll never do such a thing again clearly there's something wrong with this situation no I wish you wouldn't trivialize things I'm not arguing about education wanting to be recognized by people you like to be accepted by people close to you is a normal desire you are badly mistaken look we are not living to satisfy other people's expectations what do you mean you are not living to satisfy other people's expectations and neither am I it is not necessary to satisfy other people's expectations that is such a self-serving argument are you saying one should think only about oneself and live self-righteously in the teachings of Judaism one finds a view that goes something like this if you are not living your life for yourself then who is going to live it for you you are living only your own life when it comes to who you are living it for of course it's you and then if you are not living your life for yourself who could there be to live it instead of you ultimately we live thinking about I there is no reason that we must not think that way youth so you are afflicted by the poison of neoism after all you say that ultimately we live thinking about I and that that's okay what a wretched way of thinking it is not nalism at all rather it's the opposite when one seeks recognition from others and concerns onself only with how one is judged by others in the end one is living other people's lives what does that mean wishing so hard to be recognized will lead to a life of following expectations held by other people who want you to be this kind of person in other words you throw away who you really are and live other people's lives and please remember this if you are not living to satisfy other people's expectations it follows that other people are not living to satisfy your expectations someone might not act the way you want him to but it doesn't do to get angry that's only natural youth no it is not that is an argument that overturns our society from its very Foundation look we have the desire for recognition but in order to receive recognition from others first we have to recognize others ourselves it is because one recognizes other people and other systems of values that one is recognized by others it is through this relationship of mutual recognition that our very Society is built your argument is an abor dangerous way of thinking which will drive human beings into isolation and lead to conflict it's a diabolical solicitation to needlessly stir up distrust and doubt you certainly have an interesting vocabulary there's no need to raise your voice let's think about this together one has to get recognition or one will suffer if one doesn't get recognition from others and from one's parents you won't have confidence can such a life be healthy so one could think God is watching so accumulate Good Deeds but that and the nealis view that says there is no God so all evil Deeds are permitted are two sides of the same coin even supposing that God did not exist and that we could not gain recognition from God we would still have to live this life indeed it is in order to overcome the nalism of a Godless world that it is necessary to deny recognition from other people youth I don't care for all this talk about God think more straightforwardly and more plainly about the mentality of real Everyday People what about the desire to be recognized socially for example why does a person want to climb the corporate ladder why does a person seek status and fame it's the wish to be recognized as somebody important by society as a whole it's the desire for recognition philosopher then if you get that recognition would you say that you've really found happiness do people who have established their social status truly feel happy no but that's when trying to be recognized by others almost all people treat satisfying other people's expectations as the means to that end and that is in accordance with the stream of thought of reward and Punishment education that says one will be praised if one takes appropriate action if for example the main point of your job turns out to be satisfying other people's expectations then that job is going to be very hard on you because you'll always be worried about other people looking at you and fear their judgment and you are repressing your iness it might come as a surprise to you but almost none of my clients who've come for counseling are selfish people rather they are suffering trying to meet the expectations of other people the expectations of their parents and teachers so in a good way they can't behave in a self-centered fashion so I should be selfish do not behave without regard for others to understand this it is necessary to know about the idea in Adian psychology known as separation of tasks separation of tasks that's a new term let's hear about it the youth's irritation had reached its peak deny the desire for recognition don't satisfy other people expectations live in a more self-centered way what on Earth was this philosopher saying isn't the desire for recognition itself people's greatest motivator for associating with each other and going about the formation of society the youth wondered what if this separation of tasks idea doesn't win me over I won't be able to accept this man or Adler for that matter for the rest of my life how to separate great tasks philosopher say there's a child who has a hard time studying he doesn't pay attention in class doesn't do his homework and even leaves his books at school now what would you do if you were his father youth well of course I would try everything I could think of to get him to apply himself I'd hire tutors and make him go to a study center even if I had to pull him by the ear to get him there I'd say that's a parents Duty and that's actually how I was raised myself I wasn't allowed to eat dinner until the day's homework was done philosopher then let me ask another question did you learn to enjoy studying as a result of being made to do it in such a heavy-handed manner youth unfortunately I did not I just took care of my studies for school and for exams in a routine way I see all right I will talk about this from the basic stance of Adian psychology when one is confronted with the task of studying for instance in Adan psychology we consider it from the perspective of whose task is this whose task whether the child studies or not whether he goes out and plays with his friends or not essentially this is the child's task not the parents task do you mean that it is something the child is supposed to do simply put yes there would be no point if the parents studied instead of the child would they well no there wouldn't studying is the child's task a parent's handling of that by commanding the child to study is in effect an act of intruding on another person's task one is unlikely to avert a collision in this way we need to think with the perspective of whose task is this and continually separate one's own tasks from other people's tasks how does one go about separating them one does not intrude on other people's tasks that's all that's all in general all interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people's tasks or having one's own tasks intruded on carrying out the separation of tasks is enough to change one's interpersonal relationships dramatically youth H I don't really get it in the first place how can you tell whose task it is from my point of view realistically speaking getting one's child to study is the duty of the parents because almost no child studies just out of enjoyment and after all is said and done the parent is the child's Guardian yeah is a simple way to tell whose task it is think who ultimately is going to receive the end result brought about by the choice that is made when the child has made the choice of not studying ultimately the end result of that decision not being able to keep up in class or to get into the preferred school for instance does not have to be received by the parents clearly it is the child who has to receive it in other words words studying is the child's task youth no no you're completely wrong the parent who is more experienced in life and also acts as a guardian has the responsibility to urge the child to study so such situations do not arise this is something done for the good of the child and is not an act of intruding while studying may be the child's task getting the child to study is the parents task it's true true that one often hears parents today using the phrase it's for your own good but they are clearly doing so in order to fulfill their own goals which could be their appearance in the eyes of society their need to put on hes or their desire for control for example in other words it is not for your own good but for the parents and it is because the child senses this deception that he Rebels so even if the child hasn't been studying at all you're saying that since it's his task I should just let him be one has to pay attention Adan psychology does not recommend the non-interference approach non-interference is the attitude of not knowing and not even being interested in knowing what the child is doing instead it is by knowing what the child is doing that one prets Texs him if it's studying that is the issue one tells the child that that is his task and one lets him know that one is ready to assist him whenever he has the urge to study but one must not intrude on the child's task when no requests are being made it does not do to meddle in things does this go beyond parent child relationships yes of course in Adan psychology counseling for instance we do not think of the clients changing or not changing as the task of the counselor what are you saying here as a result of having received counseling what kind of resolution does the client make to change his lifestyle or not this is the client's task and the counselor cannot intervene no way I can't accept such an irresponsible attitude naturally one gives all the assistance one possibly can but beyond that one doesn't intrude there's a saying that goes you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink please think of counseling and all other assistance provided to other people in Adan psychology as having that kind of stance forcing change while ignoring the person's intentions will only lead to an intense reaction you the counselor does not change the client's life you are the only one who can change yourself discard other people's tasks youth then what about with shut-ins for example I mean with someone like my friend even then would you say it's the separation of tasks don't intervene and it has no connection to the parents philosopher can he break out of the shuttin situation or not or in what way can he break out of it in principle this is a task that the person has to resolve himself it is not for the parents to intervene nevertheless as they are not complete strangers some form of assistance is probably needed at this point the most important thing is whether the child feels he can consult frankly with his parents when he is experiencing a dilemma and whether they have been building enough of a trust relationship on a regular basis youth then supposing your own child had shut himself in what would you do please answer this not as a philosopher but as a parent philosopher first I myself would think this is the child's task I would try not to intervene in his shuttin situation and I would refrain from focusing too much attention on it then I would send a message to him to the effect that I am ready to assist him whenever he is in need in that way the child having sensed a change in his parent will have no choice but to make it his own task to think about what he should do he'll probably come and ask for assistance and he'll probably try to work some things out on his own youth could you really manage to be so cut and dried if it were your own childhood become a shuttin philosopher a parent suffering over the relationship with his or her child will tend to think my child is my life in other words the parent is taking on the child's task as his or her own and is no longer able to think about anything but the child when at last the parent notices it the eye is already gone from his or her life however no matter how much of the burden of the child's task one carries the child is still an independent individual children do not become what their parents want them to become in their choices of university place of employment and partner in marriage and even in the everyday subtleties of speech and conduct they do not act according to their parents' wishes naturally the parents will worry about them and probably want to intervene at times but as I said earlier other people are not living to satisfy your expectations though the child is one's own he or she is not living to satisfy one's expectations as a parent youth so you have to draw the line even with family philosopher actually with families there is less distance so it's all the more necessary to consciously separate the tasks that doesn't make sense on the one hand you're talking about love and on the other you're denying it if you draw the line between yourself and other people that way you won't be able to believe in anyone anymore look the act of believing is also the separation of tasks you believe in your partner that is your task but how that person acts with regard to your expectations and trust is other people's tasks when you push your wishes without having drawn that line before you know it you're engaging in stalker-like intervention supposing your partner did not act as you had wished would you still be able to believe in that person would you still be able to love that person the task of Love That Adler speaks of is comprised of such questions that's difficult that's very difficult of course it is but think about it this way intervening in other people's tasks and taking on other people's tasks turns one's life into something heavy and full of hardship if you are leading a life of worry and suffering which stems from interpersonal relationships first learn the boundary of from here on that is not my task and discard other people's tasks that is the first step toward lightening the load and making life simpler how to rid yourself of interpersonal relationship problems youth I don't know it just doesn't sit right with me philosopher then let's Envision a scene in which your parents are vehemently opposing your choice of placement of employment they were in fact against it weren't they yes they were I wouldn't go so far as saying they were vehemently opposed but they did make various snide remarks well let's exaggerate it and say they were vehemently opposed your father was ranting and raving with emotion and your mother was protesting your decision With Tears In Her Eyes they absolutely do not approve of you becoming a librarian and if you will not take on the family business like your brother has they may very well disown you but how to come to terms with the emotion of not proving is your parents' task not yours it is not a problem for you to worry about now wait a minute are you saying that it doesn't matter how sad I make my parents feel that's right it doesn't matter you've got to be joking could there be such a thing as a philosophy that recommends unfilial behavior all you can do with regard to your own life is choose the best path that you believe in on the other hand what kind of judgment do other people pass on that choice that is the task of other people and is not a matter you can do anything about what another person thinks of you if they like you or dislike you that is that person's task not mine is that what you're saying that is what separating is you are worried about other people looking at you you are worried about being judged by other people that is why you are constantly craving recognition from others now why are you worried about other people looking at you anyway Adan psychology has an easy answer you haven't done the separation of tasks yet you assume that even things that should be other people's tasks are your own remember the words of the grandmother you're the only one who's worried how you look her remark drives right to the heart of the separation of tasks what other people think when they see your face that is the task of other people and is not something you have any control over as Theory I get it to my reasoning brain it does make sense but my emotions can't keep up with such a high-handed argument then let's try another tack say there's a man whose distress about the interpersonal relationships at the company where he works he has a completely irrational boss who yells at him at every opportunity no matter how hard he tries his boss doesn't acknowledge his efforts and never even really listens to what he says that sounds exactly like my boss but is being acknowledged by your boss work that you should think of as top priority it isn't your job to be liked by people at the place place you work your boss doesn't like you and his reasons for not liking you are clearly unreasonable but in that case there's no need for you to get cozy with him that sounds right but the person is my boss right I won't get any work done if I'm shunned by my direct Superior that is Adler's life lie again I can't do my work because I've been shunned by my boss it's the boss's fault that my work isn't going well the person who says such things is bringing up the existence of the boss as an excuse for the work that doesn't go well much like the female student with the fear of blushing it's actually that you need the existence of an awful boss because then you can say if only I didn't have this boss I could get more work done now you don't know my relationship with my boss I wish you would stop making arbitrary guesses this is a discussion that is concerned with the fundamentals of AD in Psychology if you are angry nothing will sink in you think I've got that boss so I can't work this is complete itology but it's really I don't want to work so I'll create an awful boss or I don't want to acknowledge my incapable self so I I'll create an awful boss that would be the teleological way of looking at it youth that's probably how it be framed in your stock teleology approach but in my case it's different then supposing you had done the separation of tasks how would things be in other words no matter how much your boss tries to vent his unreasonable anger at you that is not your task the unreasonable emotion are tasks for your boss to deal with himself there is no need to Cozy up to him or to yield to him to the point of bowing down you should think what I should do is face my own tasks in my own life without lying but that's we are all suffering in interpersonal relationships it might be the relationship with one's parents or one's elder brother and it might be the interpersonal relationships at one's workplace now last time you were saying that you wanted some specific steps this is what I propose first one should ask whose task is this then do the separation of tasks calmly delineate up to what point one's own tasks go and from what point they become another person's tasks and do not intervene in another people's tasks or allow even a single person to intervene in one's own tasks this is a specific and revolutionary Viewpoint that is unique to Adan psychology and contains the potential to utterly change one's interpersonal relationship problems aha I am starting to see what you meant when you said that the topic of today's discussion was Freedom that's right we are trying to talk about Freedom now cut the gordian knot youth I am sure that if one could understand the separation of tasks and put it into practice one's interpersonal relationships would all at once become free but I still can't accept it go on I'm listening I think that in theory the separation of tasks is entirely right what other people think of me or what sort of judgment they pass on me is the task of other the people and is not something I can do anything about and I should just do what I have to do in my life without lying I'd have no problem if you said this is a life truth that's how right I think it is but consider this from an ethical or moral point of view could it be said to be the right thing to do that is to say a way of living that draws boundaries between oneself and others because wouldn't you be brushing other people away and saying that's intervention whenever they were worried about you and asked how you were doing it seems to me that this is something that treads on the Goodwill of others have you heard of The Man known as Alexander the Great Alexander the Great yes I learned about him in world history he was a Macedonian King who lived in the fourth Century before Christ when he was advancing on the Persian Kingdom of lyia he learned of a chariot enshrined in the Acropolis The Chariot had been secured tightly to a pillar in the temple by gordas the former King and there was a local legend that said he who unravels this notot shall be master of Asia it was a tily wound not that many men of skill had been certain they could unbind but no one had succeeded now what do you think Alexander the Great did when he stood before this knot well did didn't he unravel the legendary knot with ease and go on to become the ruler of Asia no that's not how it happened as soon as Alexander the Great saw how tight the knot was he pulled out his sword and sliced it in half with one stroke wow then it is said that he declared Destiny is not something brought about by Legend but by clearing away with one's own sword he had no use for the power of Legend and would Forge his Destiny with his sword as you know he then proceeded to become the great conqueror of all the territories of what is now the Middle East and Western Asia this is the famous anecdote known as the gordian knot and so such intricate knots the bonds in our interpersonal relationships are not to be unraveled by conventional methods but must be severed by some completely new approach whenever I explain the separation of tasks I always remember the guardian not youth well I don't mean to contradict you but not everyone can become Alexander the Great isn't it precisely because there was no one else who could have cut the knot that the anecdote portraying it as a heroic deed is still conveyed to this day it's exactly the same with the separation of tasks even though one knows one can just cck through something with one's sword one might find it rather difficult because when one presses forward with the separation of tasks in the end one will have to cut ties with people one will drive people into isolation the separation of tasks you speak of completely ignores human emotion how could one possibly build good interpersonal relationships with that one can build them the separation of tasks is not the final objective Ive for interpersonal relationships rather it is the Gateway the Gateway for instance when reading a book if one brings one's face too close to it one cannot see anything in the same way forming good interpersonal relationships requires a certain degree of distance when the distance gets too small and people become stuck together it becomes impossible to even speak to each other but the the distance must not be too great either parents who scold their children too much become mentally very distant when this happens the child can no longer even consult the parents and the parents can no longer give the proper assistance one should be ready to lend a hand when needed but not encroach on the person's territory it is important to maintain this kind of moderate distance is distance necessary even in the kind of relationship the parents and children have of course earlier you said that the separation of tasks is something that treads on the other person's Good Will that is a notion that is tied to reward it's the idea that when another person does something for you you have to do something in return even if that person does not want anything rather than responding to the Good Will it is just being tied to reward reward no matter what sort of appeal the other person might make you are the only one who decides what you should do youth reward is at the root of what I am calling ties philosopher yes when reward is at the base of an interpersonal relationship there's a feeling that Wells up in one that says I gave this much so you should give me that much back this is a notion that is quite different from separation of tasks of course we must not seek reward and we must not be tied to it h however there are certain situations in which it would be easier to intervene in the tasks of another person without doing any separation of tasks for instance in a child raising situation when a child is having a hard time tying his shoes for the busy mother it is certainly faster to tie them than to wait for him to do it himself but that is an intervention and it is taking the child's task away from him and as a result of repeating that intervention the child will cease to learn anything and will lose the courage to face his life tasks as Adler says children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges but that is such a dry way of thinking when Alexander the great cut the gordian knot there were probably those who felt the same way that the unraveling of the knot by hand had meaning and that it was a mistake to cut it with a sword that Alexander had misunderstood the meaning of the oracle's words in Adan psychology there are aspects that are antithetical to normal social thinking it denies iology denies trauma and adopts teleology it treats people's problems as inter personal relationship problems and the not seeking of recognition and the separation of tasks too are probably antithetical to normal social thinking it's impossible I can't do it why the youth was devastated by the separation of tasks that the philosopher had begun describing when one thought of all one's problems as being in one's interpersonal relationships the separation of tasks was effective just by having this View point the world would become quite simple but there was no flesh and blood in it it gave off no sense of one's warmth as a person could anyone accept such a philosophy the youth Rose from his chair and pleaded loudly desire for recognition makes you unfree youth look I have been dissatisfied for ages the adults of the world tell young people do something you like to do and they do it with smiles on their faces as if they might actually be understanding people as if they were on the side of the young but it's all lip service that only comes out because those young people are complete strangers to them and the relationship is one that is completely without any kind of responsibility then parents and teachers tell us get into that school or look for a stable occupation and this concrete and uninteresting instruction is not merely an intervention it's actually that they are trying to fulfill their responsibilities it's precisely because we are closely connected to them and they are seriously concerned about our future that they can't say irresponsible things like do something you like I'm sure you'd put on that understanding face too and say to me please do something you like but I won't believe such a comment from another person it's an an extremely irresponsible comment as if one were just brushing a caterpillar off one's shoulder and if the world crushed that caterpillar you would say it's not my task and walk away nonchalant what separation of tasks you monster philosopher oh goodness you're getting all bent out of shape so what you are saying in other words is that you want someone to inter to some extent that you want another person to decide your path youth sure maybe I do it's like this it's not so difficult to judge what others expect of one or what kind of role is being demanded of one living as one likes on the other hand is extremely difficult what does one want what does one want to become and what kind of life does one want to lead one doesn't always always get such a concrete idea of things it would be a grave mistake to think that everyone has clear-cut dreams and objectives don't you know that maybe it is easier to live in such a way as to satisfy other people's expectations because one is entrusting one's own life to them for example one runs along the tracks that one's parents have laid out even if there are a lot of things one might object to one will not lose one's way as long as one stays on those rails but if one is deciding one's path oneself it's only natural that one will get lost at times one comes up against the wall of how one should live youth that is what I'm looking for recognition from others for you were talking about God earlier and if we were still living in an era when God was something people believed in I suppose that God is watching might serve as a Criterion for self-discipline if one were recognized by God maybe one didn't need recognition from others but that era ended a long time ago and in that case one has no choice but to discipline oneself on the basis that other people are watching to Aspire to be recognized by others and live an honest life other people's eyes are my guide philosopher does one choose recognition from others or does one choose a path of freedom without recognition it's an important question let's think about it together to live one's life trying to gauge other people's feelings and being worried about how they look at you to live in such a way that others wishes are granted there may indeed be signposts to guide you this way but it is a very unfree way to live now why are you choosing such an unfree way to live you are using the term desire for recognition but what you are really saying is that you don't want to be disliked by anyone who does there's no one anywhere who'd go so far as to actually want to be disliked exactly it is true that there is no person who wishes to be disliked but look at it this way what should one do to not be disliked by anyone there is only one answer it is to constantly gauge other people's feelings while swearing loyalty to all of them if there are 10 people one must swear loyalty to all 10 when one does that for the time being one will have succeeded in not being disliked by anyone but at this point there is a great contradiction looming one swears loyalty to all 10 people out of the single minded desire to not be disliked this is like a politician who has fallen into populism and begun to make impossible promises and accept responsibilities that are Beyond him naturally his lies will come to light before long he will lose people's trust and turn his own life into one of Greater suffering and of course the stress of continual lying has all kinds of consequences please grasp this point if one is living in such a way as to satisfy other people's expectations and one is entrusting one's own life to others that is a way of living in which one is lying to oneself and continuing that lying to include the people around one youth so one should be egocentric and live however one pleases philosopher separating one's tasks is not an entric thing intervening in other people's tasks is essentially an egocentric way of thinking however parents force their children to study they meddle in their life and marriage choices that is nothing other than an egocentric way of thinking so the child can just ignore his parents intentions and live however he pleases there is no reason of any sort that one should not live one's life as one pleases haha not only are you a neist you're an anarchist and a henst deot I'm past being astonished and now I'm going to start laughing any moment philosopher an adult who has chosen an unfree way to live on seeing a young person living freely here and now in this moment criticizes the youth as being hedonistic of course this is a life lie that comes out so that the adult can accept his own unfree life an adult who has chosen real Freedom himself will not make such comments and will instead cheer on the will to be free youth all right so what you are maintaining is that freedom is the issue let's get to the main point you've been using the word Freedom a lot but what does freedom mean to you anyway how can we be free what real freedom is philosopher earlier you acknowledged that you do not want to be disliked by anyone and said there's no one anywhere who'd go so far as to actually want to be disliked youth right philosopher well I'm the same way I have no desire to be disliked by other people I would say that no one would go so far as to actually want to be disliked is a sharp Insight it's a Universal desire even so regardless of our efforts there are people who dislike me and people who dislike you this too is a fact when you are disliked or feel that you are being disliked by someone what state of mind does it put you in very distressed to put it simply I wonder why I've come to be disliked and what I did or said that might have been offensive I think think I should have interacted with the person in a different way and I just brood and brood over it and am ridden with guilt not wanting to be disliked by other people to human beings this is an entirely natural desire and an Impulse Kant the giant of modern philosophy called this desire inclination inclination yes it is one's instinctive desires one's impulsive desires now if one were to say that living like a stone tumbling downhill and allowing such inclinations or desires or impulses to take one wherever they will is freedom one would be incorrect to live in such a way is only to be a slave to one's desires and impulses real freedom is an attitude akin to pushing up one one's tumbling self From Below youth pushing oneself Up From Below philosopher a stone is powerless once it has begun to roll downhill it will continue to roll until released from the natural laws of gravity and inertia but we are not Stones we are beings who are capable of resisting inclination we can stop our tumbling C and climb uphill the desire for recognition is probably a natural desire so are you going to keep rolling downhill in order to receive recognition from others are you going to wear yourself down like a rolling stone until everything is smoothed away when all that is left is a little round ball would that be the real eye it cannot be are you saying that resisting one's instincts and impulses is freedom as I have stated repeatedly in Adan psychology we think that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems in other words we seek release from interpersonal relationships we seek to be free from interpersonal relationships however it is absolutely impossible to live all alone in the universe in light of what we have discussed until now the conclusion we reach regarding what is freedom should be clear what is it in short that freedom is being disliked by other people huh what was that it's that you are disliked by someone it is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in Freedom and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles but but it is certainly distressful to be disliked if possible one would like to live without being disliked by anyone one wants to satisfy one's desire for recognition but conducting oneself in such a way as to not be disliked by anyone is an extremely unfree way of living and is also impossible there is a cost incurred when one wants to exercise one's freedom and the cost of freedom in interpersonal relationships is that one is disliked by other people no that's totally wrong there is no way that could be called Freedom that's a diabolical way of thinking to coax one into evildoing philosopher you've probably been thinking of Freedom as release from organizations that breaking away from your home or school your company or your nation is freedom however if you were to break away from your organization for instance you would not be able to gain real Freedom unless one is unconcerned by other people's judgments has no fear of being disliked by other people and pays the cost that one might never be recognized one will never be able to follow through in one's own way of living that is to say one will not be able to be free youth be disliked by other people is that what you're saying philosopher what I am saying is don't be afraid of being disliked but that's I am not telling you to go so far as to live in such a way that you will be disliked and I am not saying engage in wrongdoing please do not misunderstand that youth no then let's change the question can people actually endure the weight of Freedom are people that strong to not care even if one is disliked by one's own parents can one become so self-righteously defiant philosopher one neither prepares to be self-righteous nor becomes defiant one just separates tasks there may be a person who does not think well of you but that is not your task and again thinking things like he should like me or I've done all this so it's strange that he doesn't like me is the reward oriented way of thinking of having intervened in another person's tasks one moves forward without fearing the possibility of being disliked one does not live as if one were Rong rolling downhill but instead climbs the slope that lies ahead that is freedom for a human being suppose that I had two choices in front of me a life in which all people like me and a life in which there are people who dislike me and I was told to choose one I would choose the latter without a second thought before being concerned with what others think of me I want to follow through with my own being that is to say I want to live in Freedom youth are you free now philosopher yes I am free youth you do not want to be disliked but you don't mind if you are yes that's right not wanting to be disliked is probably my task but whether or not so so dislikes me is the other person's task even if there is a person who doesn't think well of me I cannot intervene in that to borrow from the proverb I mentioned earlier naturally one would make the effort to lead a horse to water but whether he drinks or not is that person's task youth that's some conclusion philosopher the courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked when you have gained that courage Your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness you hold the cards to interpersonal relationships youth well I never would have imagined I'd visit a philosopher's place to hear about being disliked philosopher I am well aware that this is not an easy thing to swallow it will probably take some time to chew over and digest if we go any farther with this today I think you won't be able to keep it in your head so I would like to talk to you about one more thing a personal matter that relates to the separation of tasks and then finish up for today all right this one too is about relationships with parents my relationship with my father had always been a rocky one even when I was a child my mother died when I was in my 20s without us ever engaging in anything like real conversation together and after that my relationship with my father became increasingly strained that is until I encountered Adan psychology and grasped Adler's ideas youth why did you have a bad relationship with your father philosopher what I have in my memory is an image from a time when he hit me I have no recollection of what I might have done to bring it on I only remember hiding under a desk in an attempt to escape him when he dragged me out and hit me hard and not just once but many times youth that fear became a trauma philosopher I think that until I encountered Adan psychology I understood it in that kind of way because my father was a moody taciturn person but to think to myself he hit me that time and that is why our relationship went bad is a Freudian eological way of thinking the Adian tileology position completely reverses the cause and effect interpretation that is to say I brought out the memory of being hit because I don't want my relationship with my father to get better youth so first you had the goal of not wanting your relationship with your father to get better and not wanting to repair things between you philosopher that's right for me it was more convenient to not repair my relationship with my father mother I could use having a father like that as an excuse for why my own life wasn't going well that for me was a virtue and there was also the aspect of taking revenge on a feudal father youth that is exactly what I wanted to ask about even if the cause and effect were reversed that is to say in your case you are able to analyze yourself and say it isn't because he hit me that I have a bad Rel relationship with my father but that I brought out the memory of being hit because I don't want my relationship with my father to get better even then how does it actually change things it doesn't change the fact that you were hit in childhood right philosopher one can think from the Viewpoint that it is an interpersonal relationship card as long as I use iology to think it is because he hit me that I have a bad relationship with my father it would be a matter that was impossible for me to do anything about but if I can think I brought out the memory of being hit because I don't want my relationship with my father to get better then I will be holding the card to repair relations because if I can just change the goal that fixes everything does that really fix things of course I wonder if you really feel so from the bottom of your heart I can understand it in theory but the feeling just doesn't sit right with me philosopher then it's the separation of tasks it's true that my father and I had a complicated relationship he was a stubborn person and I could never imagine his feelings being able to change easily moreover there was a strong possibility that he had even forgotten ever raising his hands against me however at the time of making my resolution to repair relations it did not matter to me what sort of Lifestyle my father had or what he thought of me or the kind of attitude he might adopt in response to my Approach such things didn't matter at all even if there were no intention to repair relations on his side I would not mind in the least the issue was whether or not I would resolve to do it and I was always holding the interpersonal relationship cards youth you are always holding the interpersonal relationship cards philosopher yes many people think that the interpersonal relationship cards are held by the other person that is why they wonder how does that person feel about me and end up living in such a way as to satisfy the wishes of other people but if they can grasp the separation of tasks they will notice that they are holding all the cards this is a new way of thinking youth so due to your changing did your father change too philosopher I did not change in order to change my father that is an erroneous notion of trying to manipulate another person even if I change it is only I who changes I do not know what will happen to the other person as a result and that is not an aspect I can take part in this too is the separation of tasks of course there are times when in tandem with my change not due to my change the other person changes too in many cases that person will have no choice but to change but that is not the goal and it is certainly possible that the other person will not change in any case changing one's own speech and conduct as a way of manipulating other people is clearly a mistaken way of thinking youth one must not manipulate other people and manipulating cannot be done philosopher when we speak of interpersonal relationships it always seems to be two person relationships and one's relationship to a large group that come to mind but first it is oneself when when one is tied to the desire for recognition the interpersonal relationship cards will always stay in the hands of other people does one entrust the cards of life to another person or hold on to them oneself please take your time and sort through these ideas again in your own home about the separation of tasks and about freedom I will be waiting for you here next time youth all right I'll give it some thought on my my own well then please there is just one more thing I want to ask you what is it in the end were you able to repair your relationship with your father yes of course I think so my father fell ill and in the last few years of his life it was necessary for me and my family to take care of him then one day when I was taking care of him as usual my father said thank you I had not known my father possessed such a word in his vocabulary and I was astonished and felt grateful for all the days that had passed through the long years of my caregiving life I had tried to do whatever I could that is to say I had done my best to lead my father to water and in the end he drank I think he did youth well thank you very much I will come again at the same time philosopher I had a good time thank you too the fourth night where the center of the world is that was close I almost fell for it the following week the young man called on the philosopher again and with an indignant expression knocked on the door the idea of separating tasks is certainly a useful one you had me completely convinced last time but it seems like such a lonely way to live separating the tasks and lightening the load of one's interpersonal relations is just the same as cutting one's connection to other people and to top it off you're telling me to be disliked by other people if that's what you call Freedom then I'll choose not to be free individual psychology and holism philosopher well you're looking rather gloomy today youth you see since we last met I've been thinking calmly and carefully about the separation of tasks and about freedom I waited until my emotions had settled and then applied my reasoning mind but the separation ation of tasks just doesn't seem realistic H okay please go on separating tasks is basically an idea that boils down to defining a boundary and saying I am I and you are you sure there are probably fewer interpersonal relationship problems that way but would you really say that such a way of life is right to me it just seems like an extremely self-centered misguided individualism on my first visit here you told me that Adan psychology is formerly referred to as individual psychology that term had been bothering me for quite a while but I finally figured out why what you're calling Adian psychology or individual psychology is essentially the study of an individualism that leads people into isolation philosopher it is true that the term individual psychology which add coined has certain aspects that may invite misunderstanding I will explain what I mean now first of all ethologically speaking the word individual has the meaning indivisible youth indivisible yes in other words it is the smallest possible unit and therefore cannot be broken down any further now what is it exactly that cannot be divided Adler was opposed to any kind of dualistic value system that treated the mind as separate from the body reason as separate from emotion or the conscious mind as separate from the unconscious mind what's the point of that for example do you remember the story about the female student who came to me for counseling on account of her fear of blushing why did she develop that fear of blushing in Adian psychology physical symptoms are not regarded separately from the Mind psyche the mind and body are viewed as one as a whole that cannot be divided into Parts tension in the mind can make one's arms and legs shake or cause one's cheeks to turn red and fear can make one's face turn white and so on youth well sure there are parts of the mind and body that are connected philosopher the same holds true for reason and emotion and the conscious mind and the unconscious mind as well a normally cool-headed person doesn't expect to have a fit of violent emotion and start shouting at someone we are not struck by emotions that somehow exist independently from us each of us is a unified whole youth no that is not true it is precisely because we have the ability to view mind and body reason and emotion and the conscious and unconscious mind as clearly separate from each other that we can gain a correct understanding of people isn't that a given philosopher certainly it is true that the mind and the body are separate things that reason and emotion are different and that both the conscious mind and the unconscious mind exist that said however when one flies into a rage and shouts at another person it is I as a whole who is choosing to shout one would never think of emotions that somehow exist independently unrelated to one's intentions as it were as having produced that shouting voice when one separates the eye from emotion and thinks it was the emotion that made me do it or the emotion got the best of me and I couldn't help it such thinking quickly becomes a LIF lie youth you're referring to the time I yelled at that waiter aren't you philosopher yes this view of the human being as I as a whole as an indivisible being that cannot be broken down into Parts is referred to as holism youth well that's fine but I wasn't asking you for an academic Theory to provide a definition of individual look if you take Adan psychology to its logical conclusion it's basically saying I am I and you are you and leading people toward isolation it's saying I won't interfere with you so don't interfere with me either and we'll both go on living however we please please tell me straightforwardly what your awareness is of that point philosopher all right all problems are interpersonal relationship problems you have an understanding of this basic tenant of adarian psychology correct youth yes I do the idea of non-interference in interpersonal relations that is to say the separation of tasks probably came about as a way to resolve these problems philosopher this is something I believe I went over last time that forming good interpersonal relationships requires a certain degree of distance while people who get too close end up not even being able to speak to each other it is not good to get too far apart either please do not think of the separation of tasks as something that is meant to keep other people away instead see it as a way of thinking with which to unravel the threads of the complex entanglement of one's interpersonal relations to unravel the threads exactly right now your threads and other people's threads are all tangled up in a confused mess and you are looking at the world while in that condition red blue brown and green all the colors mixing together you think of it as connection but it is not youth so then what do you think connection is philosopher last time I spoke of the separation of tasks as a prescription for resolving interpersonal relationship problems but interpersonal relationships are not something that end just because one has separated the tasks the separating of tasks is actually the Point of Departure for personal relations today let's take the discussion deeper so as to address how interpersonal relations as a whole are viewed in Adian psychology and can consider the kind of relationships we should form with others the goal of interpersonal relationships is a feeling of community youth okay I have a question please give me a simple answer that gets straight to the heart of the matter you said that the separating of tasks is the point of departure for interpersonal relations well what is the goal of interpersonal relations philosopher to get straight to the heart of the matter it is community feeling Community feeling yes this is a key Concept in Adan psychology and views on its application have been the subject of much debate in fact Adler's proposal of the concept of community feeling drove many people to part ways with him youth well it sounds fascinating to me what is this concept philosopher it was the time before last I believe that I brought up the matter of how one sees others that is as enemies or as comrades now take that a step deeper if other people are our comrades and we live surrounded by them we should be able to find in that life our own place of Refuge moreover in doing so we should begin to have the desire to share with our comrades to contribute to the community this sense of others as comrades this awareness of having one's own Refuge is called Community feeling youth but what part of this is open to debate it seems like a completely irrefutable Point philosopher the issue is community what does it consist of when you hear the word Community what images come to mind you youth there are such Frameworks as one's household school or workplace or local Society philosopher when Adler refers to community he goes beyond the household School workplace and local society and treats it as allinclusive covering not only Nations and all of humanity but the entire axis of time from the past to the Future and he includes plants and animals and even inanimate objects H in other words he is espousing that Community is not nearly one of the pre-existing Frameworks that the word might bring to mind but is also inclusive of literally everything the entire universe from the past to the Future No way now you've lost me the universe past and future what on Earth are you talking about the majority of those who hear this have similar doubts this is not something one can comprehend immediately Adler himself acknowledged that the community he was espousing was an unattainable ideal haha well that's perplexing isn't it how about the other way around then do you really comprehend and accept this community feeling or whatever it is that includes the entire universe I try to because I feel that one cannot truly comprehend Adan psychology without comprehending this point okay then as I have been saying all along ad Lan psychology has the view that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems interpersonal relations are the source of unhappiness and the opposite can be said too interpersonal relations are the source of Happiness youth indeed philosopher furthermore Community feeling is the most important index for considering a state of interpersonal relations that is happy all right I'd like to hear all about it Community feeling is also referred to as social interest that is to say interest in society so now I have a question for you do you know what society's smallest unit is from the point of view of Sociology youth society's smallest unit huh I'd say the family philosopher no it is you and I when there are two people Society emerges in their presence and Community emerges there too to gain an understanding of the community feeling that Adler speaks of it is advisable to use you and I as the starting point Youth and what do you do with that as the starting point philosopher you make the switch from attachment to self self-interest to concern for others social interest youth attachment to self concern for others what's all that about why am I only interested in myself philosopher well let's consider this concretely for purposes of clarity in place of attachment to self I will use the word self-centered in your view someone who is self-centered is what sort of person youth hm I guess the first thing that comes to mind is the kind of person who's like a tyrant someone who's domineering has no quals about being a nuisance to others and only thinks about things that are to his own Advantage he thinks that the world revolves around him and he behaves like a dictator who rules by absolute Authority and force he's the kind of person who creates an enormous amount of trouble for everyone around him someone who's just like Shakespeare's King Lear a typical Tyrant philosopher I see youth on the other hand he wouldn't necessarily be a tyrant one might speak of the sort of person who disturbs the harmony of a group is self-centered too he's someone who can't operate in a group and prefers to act alone he never stops to reflect on his actions even when he's late for appointments or fails to keep his promises in a word he's an egotist philosopher to be sure that is the kind of image that generally comes to mind when thinking of self-centered people but there is another type that must be taken into account people who are incapable of carrying out the separation of tasks and who are obsessed with the desire for recognition are also extremely self-centered why is that consider the reality of the desire for recognition how much do others pay attention to you and what is their judgment of you that is to say how much do they satisfy your desire people who are obsessed with such a desire for recognition will seem to be looking at other people while they are actually only looking at themselves they lack concern for others and are concerned solely with the ey why simply put they are self-centered youth so would you say that people like me who fear being judged by others are self-centered too even though I try so hard to be mindful of others and adjust myself to them philosopher yes in the sense that you are concerned solely with the eye you are self-centered you want to be thought well of by others and that is why you worry about the way they look at you that is not concern for others it is nothing but attachment to self but this is something I spoke of last time the fact that there are people who do not think well of you is proof that you are living in Freedom you might have a sense of something about this that seems self-centered but I think you have understood this from today's discussion a way of living in which one is constantly troubled by how one is seen by others is a self-centered lifestyle in which one's sole concern is with the eye well now that is an astounding statement not just you but all people who are attached to the eye are self-centered and that is precisely why it is necessary to make the switch from attachment to self to concern for others youth okay so yes it is true that I am always looking only at myself that I acknowledge I'm constantly worried about how other people see me but not about how I see them if you are saying I am self-centered there is nothing that I can say to refute that but think about it like this if my life were a featurelength movie the protagonist would certainly be this ey wouldn't it is pointing the camera at the protagonist really such a reprehensible thing you are not the center of the world philosopher let's go over things in order first of all each of us is a member of a community and that is where we belong feeling that one has one's own place of Refuge within the community feeling that it's okay to be here and having a sense of belonging these are basic human desires whether it's one's studies work or friendships or one's love or marriage all these things are connected to one's search for places and relationships in which one can feel it's okay to be here wouldn't you agree uh yes I do that's it exactly and the protagonist in one's life is the eye there is nothing wrong with the train of thought up to this point but the eye does not rule the center of the world while the eye is life's protagonist it is never more than a member of the community and a part of the whole a part of the whole people who have concern only for themselves think that they are at the center of the world to such people others are merely people who will do something for me they half genuinely believe that everyone else exists to serve them and should give precedence to their feelings youth just like a prince or a princess philosopher yes exactly they make a leap from being life's protagonist to becoming the world's protagonist for this reason whenever they come into contact with another person all they can think is what will this person give me however and this is something that does not hold true for princes and princesses this expectation is not going to be satisfied on every occasion because other people are not living to satisfy your expectations youth indeed philosopher then when those expectations are not satisfied they become become deeply disillusioned and feel as if they have been horribly insulted and they become resentful and think that person didn't do anything for me that person let me down that person isn't my comrade anymore he's my enemy people who hold the belief that they are the center of the world always end up losing their comrades before long youth that's strange didn't you say say that we are living in a subjective world as long as the world is a subjective space I am the only one who can be at its Center I won't let anyone else be there philosopher I think that when you speak of the world what you have in mind is something like a map of the world a map of the world what are you talking about for example on the map of the world used in France the Americas are located on the left side and Asia on the right Europe and France are depicted at the center of the map of course the map of the world used in China on the other hand shows the Americas on the right side and Europe on the left French people who see the Chinese map of the world will most likely experience a difficult to describe sense of in congruity as if they have been driven unjustly to the fringes or cut out of the world arbitrarily yes I see your point but what happens when a globe is used to represent the world because with a globe you can look at the world with France at the center or China or Brazil for that matter every place is Central and no places at the same time the globe may be dotted with an infinite number of centers in accordance with the viewer's location and angle of view that is the nature of a globe hm that is true think of what I said earlier that you are not the center of the world as being the same thing you are a part of a community not its Center I am not the center of the world our world is a globe not a map that has been cut out on a plane well I can understand that in theory anyway but why do I have to be aware of the fact that I am not the center of the world now we will go back to where we started all of us are searching for the sense of belonging that it's okay to be here in Adian psychology however a sense of belonging is something that one can attain only by making an active commitment to the community of one's own accord and not simply by being here youth by making an active commitment what does one do exactly philosopher one faces one's life tasks in other words one takes steps forward on one's own without avoiding the tasks of the interpersonal relations of work friendship and love if you are the center of the world you will have no thoughts whatsoever regarding commitment to the community because everyone else is someone who will do something for me and there is no need for you to do things yourself but you are not the center of the world and neither am I one has to stand on one's own two feet and take one's own steps forward with the tasks of interpersonal relations one needs to think not what will this person give me but rather what can I give to this person that is commitment to the community youth it is because one gives something that one can find one's Refuge philosopher that's right a sense of belonging is something that one acquires through one's own efforts it is not something one is endowed with at Birth Community feeling is the much debated key concept of Adan psychology it was certainly a concept that the young man found difficult to accept at first and naturally it upset him to be told he was self centered but what he found harder to accept than anything else was the incredible extent of that Community which included the universe and inanimate objects what were Adler and this philosopher talking about anyway with a bewildered expression the young man slowly opened his mouth to speak listen to the voice of a larger Community youth I must admit you're starting to lose me let me try to straighten things out a bit first at the Gateway of interpersonal relations we've got the separation of tasks and as the goal there's a community feeling and you're saying that Community feeling is having a sense of others as comrades and an awareness of having one's own Refuge within the community up to this point it is something I can understand and accept but the details still seem a bit far-fetched for one thing what do you mean by expanding this thing you call Community to include the entire universe and then even the past and the future and everything from living things to inanimate objects philosopher it certainly does make things more difficult to understand if one takes Adler's concept of community verbatim and tries to actually imagine it including the universe and inanimate objects for the time being suffice it to say that the scope of community is infinite infinite take for example a man who on reaching retirement age and stopping work quickly loses his vitality and becomes depressed abruptly cut off from the company that was his community and bereft of title or profession he becomes an ordinary nobody as he is unable to accept the fact that that he is now normal he becomes old practically overnight but all that really happened to the man is that he was cut off from the small community that is his company each person belongs to a separate community and when it comes down to it all of us belong to the community of the earth and the community of the universe that's pure sophistry to suddenly come out with you belong to the universe as as if that could give someone a sense of belonging it's true there's no way one can just imagine the entire universe all of a sudden even so I would like you to gain the awareness that you belong to a separate larger community that is beyond the one you see in your immediate vicinity for example the country or local society in which you live and that you are contributing in some way within that Community then what about in a situation like this say there's a guy who's unmarried has lost his job and his friends and who avoids the company of other people and just lives off the money his parents left him so he's basically running away from all the tasks of work and tasks of friendship and tasks of love would you say that even a guy like that belongs to some sort of community of course say he goes out to buy a loaf of bread he pays for it with a coin that coin does not simply go back to the Bakers of the bread it goes to the producers of flour and butter to the people who deliver those ingredients to the purveyors of the gasoline used by the delivery vehicles to people in the oil producing countries where that fuel comes from and so on so it's all connected people are never truly alone or separate from community and cannot be youth so you're saying I should fantasize more when I buy bread it is not fantasy it is fact the community Adler speaks of goes beyond things we can see like our households and societies to include those connections that we cannot see excuse me for saying so but you're escaping into abstract Theory the issue we should be addressing here is in the sense of belonging that it's okay to be here and then with regard to the meaning of this sense of belonging it is the community we can see that is stronger you will agree with that won't you for example if we compare the company Community with the Earth Community the sense of belonging to someone who says I am a member of this company would be stronger to borrow your terminology the distance and depth of the interpersonal relations are completely different it's only natural that when we search for a sense of belonging we will be attracted to the smaller community that is a perceptive observation so let's start thinking about why we should be aware of multiple and larger communities as I stated earlier all of us belong to multiple communities we belong to our households our schools our workplaces and the local societies and the countries in which we live this far you agree with yes yes I do well suppose that you as a student regarded the community that is school as absolute in other words school is everything to you your eye exists because of school and no other eye is possible without it but naturally there will be occasions within that Community when you run into adversity it could be getting bullied or not being able to make friends or keep up with your schoolwork or not adapting to the system of the school in the first place that is to say it's possible that with regard to the community that is your school you won't have that it's okay to be here sense of belonging youth yes absolutely that's quite possible philosopher when that happens if you are thinking of school as being everything to you you will end up without a sense of belonging to anything and then you will escape within a smaller Community such as your home you will shut yourself in and maybe even turn to violence against members of your own family and by doing such things you will be attempting to gain a sense of belonging somehow what I would like you to focus on here though is that there is a more separate community and moreover that there is is a larger Community what does that mean that there is a larger world that extends far beyond the confines of the school and every one of us is a member of that world if there is no place of Refuge in your school you should find a different Refuge outside the walls of the school you can change schools and it's fine to withdraw from school too a community that you can break relations with by simply submitting a withdrawal notice is one that you can have only so much connection to in any case once you know how big the world is you will see that all the hardship you went through in school was a storm in a teacup the moment you leave the teacup that raging storm will be gone and a gentle breeze will greet you in its place are you saying that as long as you keep yourself shut up inside the teacup you'll never stand a chance outside it secluding yourself in your room is akin to staying in the teacup as if you are hunkering down in a small shelter you might be able to wait out the rain for a short while but the storm will continue unabated youth well maybe in theory anyway but it's hard to break out the decision to withdraw from school itself isn't something to be taken long lightly I am sure you are right it would not be easy therefore there is a principle of action that I would like you to commit to memory when we run into difficulties in our interpersonal relations or when we can no longer see a way out what we should consider first and foremost is the principle that says listen to the voice of the larger Community the voice of the larger community if it is a school one does not judge things with the common sense of the community that is the school but instead follows the common sense of a larger Community now let's say it's your school and your teacher has been behaving in an authoritarian manner but the power or authority your teacher wields is nothing more than an aspect of the common sense that operates only with within the small community that is the school from the standpoint of the community that is Human Society both you and your teacher are equal humans if unreasonable demands are being thrust on you it is fine to object them directly youth but it will be very difficult to object when the teacher is right in front of me philosopher not at all though this might be termed a you and I relationship if it is one that can break down just because you raise an objection then it is not the sort of relationship you need to get into in the first place it is fine to just let go of it living in fear of one's relationships falling apart is an unfree way to live in which one is living for other people you're saying to choose Freedom at the same time that I have Community feeling yes of course do not cling to the small community right in front of you there will always be more you and I and more everyone and larger communities that exist do not rebuke or praise youth well all right but don't you see you haven't touched on the essential point that is the course of progression from the separation of tasks to community feeling so first I separate the tasks I think of my tasks as being up to this point and everything beyond that is other people's tasks I don't intervene in other people's tasks and I draw a line so that other people won't intervene in mine but how can one build interpersonal relations with this separation of tasks and arrive in the end at the community feeling that it's okay to be here how does Adan psychology advise us to overcome the life tasks of work friendship and love it seems like you're just trying to confuse me with abstract words without going into any concrete explanation philosopher yes you've hit on the important Point how does carrying out the separating of tasks connect with good relations that is to say how does it connect with building the kind of relations in which we cooperate and act in harmony harmony with each other which brings us to the concept of horizontal relationship youth horizontal relationship let's start with an easily understood example that of the parent child relationship whether the circumstances are those of child rearing or of training junior staff in the workplace for example generally speaking there are two approaches that are considered one is the method of raising by rebuke and the other is the method of raising by Praise ah that is a hotly debated issue which one do you think is the better choice to rebuke or to praise it's better to raise by praising of course why take animal training for example when teaching animals to do tricks you can make them obey with a whip this is the typical raising by rebuke way on the other hand and it's also possible to get animals to learn tricks by holding up rewards of food or saying kind words this is Raising by Praise both ways can lead to the same results they learn new tricks but the motivation for moving toward the objective is completely different if the animal is doing it because it will be rebuked or doing it because it wants to be praised in the latter instance it will come with a feeling of Joy rebuke only makes the animal wither but raising with praise naturally allows it to grow strong and healthy this seems like an obvious conclusion philosopher animal training is an interesting example now let's look at this from the standpoint of Adian psychology in Adian psychology we take the stance that in child rearing and in all other forms of communication with other people one must not praise one must not praise physical punishment is out of the question of course and rebuking is not accepted either one must not praise and one must not rebuke that is the standpoint of Adan psychology but how is that even possible consider the reality of the act of praise for example suppose I praised the statement you made by saying good job wouldn't hearing those words seem strange somehow youth yes I guess it would put me in an unpleasant mood philosopher can you explain why it would feel unpleasant youth what's unpleasant is the feeling that from the words good job one is being talked down to exactly in the act of Praise there is the aspect of it being the passing of judgment by a person of ability on a person of no ability a mother Praises her child who has helped her prepare dinner say saying you're such a good helper but when her husband does the same things you can be sure she won't be telling him you're such a good helper haha you are right about that in other words the mother who praises the child by saying things like you're such a good helper or good job or well aren't you something is unconsciously creating a hierarchical relationship and seeing the child as beneath her the example of animal training that you just gave is also emblematic of the hierarchical relationship the vertical relationship that is behind the praising when one person Praises another the goal is to manipulate someone who has less ability than you it is not done out of gratitude or respect youth so you're saying that one Praises in order to manipulate philosopher that's right where whether we praise or rebuke others the only difference is one of the carrot or the stick and the background goal is manipulation the reason that Adan psychology is highly critical of reward and Punishment education is that its intention is to manipulate children youth no way you're wrong there because think of it from the standpoint of the child for children isn't being praised by their parents the greatest joy of all it's because they want praise that they do their studies it's because they want praise that they learn to behave properly that's how it was for me when I was a child how I craved praise from my parents and even after becoming an adult it's been the same way when your boss Praises you it feels good that's how it is for everyone this has nothing to do with reason it's just instinctual emotion philosopher one wishes to be praised by someone or conversely one decides to give praise to someone this is proof that one is seeing all interpersonal relations as vertical relationships this holds true for you too it is because you are living in vertical relationships that you want to be praised Adan psychology refutes all manner of vertical relationships and proposes that all interpersonal relationships be horizontal relationships in a sense this point may be regarded as the fundamental principle of of Adan psychology youth is this something that is conveyed by the words equal but not the same philosopher yes equal that is to say horizontal for example there are men who verbally abuse their wives who do all the housework with such remarks as you're not bringing any money so I don't want to hear it or it's thanks to me that there's food on the table and I'm sure you've heard this once before you have everything you need so what are you complaining about it's perfectly shameful such statements of economic superiority or the like have no connection whatsoever to human worth a Company employee and a full-time housewife simply have different workplaces and roles and are truly equal but not the same I agree entirely they are probably afraid that women will grow wise to their situation and start earning more than men do and that women will start asserting themselves they see all interpersonal relations as vertical relationships and they are afraid of being seen by women as beneath them that is to say they have intense hidden feelings of inferiority youth so in a sense they are getting into a superiority complex in which they are trying to make a show of their abilities philosopher so it seems in the first place the feeling of inferiority is an awareness that arises within vertical relationships if one can build horizontal relationships that are equal but not the same for all people there will no longer be any room for inferiority complexes to emerge youth hm maybe I do have an awareness of manipulation somewhere in my psyche when I go about raising other people laying on the flattery to get in good favor with my boss that's definitely manipulation isn't it and it's the other way around too I've been manipulated by being praised by others funny I guess that's just the sort of person I am philosopher yes in the sense that you have not been able to break out of vertical relationships it would seem so this is getting interesting please go on the encouragement approach philosopher as you may recall from our discussion on the separation of tasks I brought up the subject of intervention this is the act of intruding on other people's tasks so why does a person intervene here too in the background vertical relationships are at play it is precisely because one perceives interp personal relations as vertical and sees the other party as beneath one that one intervenes through intervention one tries to lead the other party in the desired Direction one has convinced oneself that one is right and that the other party is wrong of course the intervention here is manipulation pure and simple parents commanding a child to study is a typical example of this they might be acting out of the best intentions from their points of view but when it comes down to it the parents are intruding and attempting to manipulate the child to go in their desired Direction youth if one can build horizontal relationships will that intervention disappear philosopher yes it will youth well it's one thing if you're just talking about a child's studies but when someone's suffering right there in front of you you can't just leave them be can you would you still say that lending a helping hand is intervention and then do nothing philosopher one must not let it go unnoticed it is necessary to offer assistance that does not turn into intervention youth what is the difference between intervention and assistance philosopher think back to our discussion of the separation a of tasks to the subject of a child's schoolwork as I stated then this is a task that the child has to resolve himself not something that parents or teachers can do for him so intervention is this kind of intruding on other people's tasks and directing them by saying things like you have to study or get into that University whereas assistance on the other hand presupposes the separation of tasks and also horizontal relationships having understood that studying is the child's task one considers what can one do for him concretely speaking instead of commanding from above that the child must study one acts on him in such a way that he can gain the confidence to take care of his own studies and face his tasks on his own Youth and that action isn't forced no it's not without forcing and with the tasks always kept separate one assists the child to resolve them by his own efforts it's the approach of you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink he is the one who has to face his tasks and he is the one who makes the resolution youth so you neither praise nor rebuke that's right one neither Praises nor rebukes this kind of assistance which is based on horizontal relationships is referred to in Adan psychology as encouragement encouragement huh right that's the term you mentioned some time ago you said you'd explain at a later date philosopher when one is not following through with one's tasks it is not because one is without ability at liyan psychology tells us that the issue here is not one of ability but simply that one has lost the courage to face one's tasks and if that is the case the thing to do before anything else is to recover that lost courage youth but but we're just going around in circles that's basically the same as giving praise when one is praised by another person one becomes truly aware of one's ability and regains one's courage please do not be stubborn about this point just acknowledge the necessity of giving praise philosopher no I will not acknowledge that why not the reason is clear being praised is what leads people to form the belief that they have no ability what did you say shall I repeat myself the more one is praised by another person the more one forms the belief that one has no ability please do your best to remember this youth do such foolish people even exist it's got to be the other way around it is as a result of being praised that one becomes truly aware of one's ability isn't that obvious philosopher you are wrong even if you do derive Joy from being praised it is the same as being dependent on vertical relationships and acknowledging that you have no ability because giving praise is a judgment that is passed by a person of ability onto a person without ability youth I just cannot agree with that philosopher when receiving praise becomes one's goal one is choosing a way of living that is in line with another person's system of values looking at your life until now aren't you tired of trying to live up to your parents expectations um well I guess so first do the separation of tasks then while accepting each other's differences build equal horizontal relationships encouragement is the approach that comes next how to feel you have value youth So concretely speaking how does one go about this one cannot praise and one cannot rebuke what other words and choices are there philosopher think about a time when you've had help in your work not from a child but from a partner who is your equal and you will probably see the answer right away when a Friend helps you clean your home what do you say to him youth I say thank you philosopher right you convey words of gratitude saying thank you to this partner who has helped you with your work you might Express straightforward Delight I am glad or you could convey your thanks by saying that was a big help this is an approach to encouragement that is based on horizontal relationships that's all yes the most important thing is not to judge other people judgment is a word that comes out of virt itical relationships if one is building horizontal relationships there will be words of more straightforward gratitude and respect and joy youth H your point that judgment is created by vertical relationships certainly seems to be true but what about this could the words thank you actually have such a great power as to be able to bring back courage after all I think I'd prefer to be praised even if the words I hear are ones that come from vertical relationships philosopher being praised essentially means that one is receiving judgment from another person as good and the measure of what is good or bad about that act is that person's yard stick if receiving praise is what one is after one will have no choice but to adapt to that person's yard stick and put the brakes on one's own freedom thank you on the other hand rather than being judgment is a clear expression of gratitude when one hears words of gratitude one knows that one has made a contribution to another person youth so even if you're judged as good by another person you don't feel that you've made a contribution philosopher that's right this is a point that will connect to our subsequent discussion as well in Adan psychology a great deal of emphasis is given to contribution why is that well what does a person have to do to get courage in Adler's view it is only when a person is able to feel that he has worth that he can possess courage youth when a person is able to feel that he has worth philosopher do you recall when we were discussing the feeling of inferior prority how I spoke of this as being an issue of subjective worth is one able to feel one has Worth or does one feel one is a worthless being if one is able to feel one has worth then one can accept oneself just as one is and have the courage to face one's life tasks so the issue that arises at this point is how on Earth can one become able to feel one has worth youth yes that's it exactly I need you to explain that very clearly please philosopher it's quite simple it is when one is able to feel I am beneficial to the community that one can have a true sense of one's worth this is the answer that would be offered in Adan psychology that I am beneficial to the community that one can act on the community that is to say on other people and that one can feel I am of use to someone instead of feeling judged by another person as good being able to feel by way of One's Own subjective Viewpoint that I can make contributions to other people it is at that point that at last we can have a true sense of our own worth everything we have been discussing about Community feeling and encouragement connects here H I don't know it's starting to get a bit confusing philosopher we are getting to the heart of the discussion now please stick with me a while longer it is about having concern for others building horizontal relationships and taking the approach of encouragement all these things connect to the Deep life awareness of I am of use to someone and in turn to your courage to live youth to be of use to someone that is what my life is worth living for philosopher let's take a little break would you like some coffee yes please the discussion of community feeling had become more confusing than ever one must not praise and one must not rebuke either all words that are used to judge other people are words that come out of vertical relationships and we need to build horizontal relationships and it is only when one is able to feel that one is of Ed to someone that one can have a true awareness of one's worth there was a major flaw in this logic somewhere the young man felt it instinctively as he sipped the hot coffee thoughts of his grandfather crossed his mind exist in the present philosopher well have you worked things out youth gradually but yes it's getting clearer you don't seem to be aware of it but just now you said something really over the top it's a dangerous rather extreme opinion that just negates everything in the world philosopher oh really what is it youth it's the idea that being of use to someone is what gives one a true awareness of one's worth if you put it the other way around a person who isn't of any use to others has no worth at all that's what you are saying isn't it if one takes that to its logical conclusion then the lives of newborn babies and of invalids and old people who are bedridden aren't worth living either how could this be let's talk about my grandfather he spends his days bedridden at an old people's home since he has dementia he doesn't recognize any of his children or grandchildren and his condition is such that he would not be able to go on living without constant care one simply couldn't think of him as being of use to someone don't you see your opinion is basically the same thing as saying to my grandfather people like you aren't qualified to live philosopher I reject that definitively youth how do you reject that there are parents who refute my explanation of the concept of encouragement by saying our child does bad things from morning to night and there is never an occasion to tell him thank you or you helped a lot the context is probably the same as what you are talking about isn't it yes it is so tell me please how you justify that at this point you are looking at another person on the level of his acts in other words that that person did something so from that point of view it might seem that bedridden old people are only a nuisance and are of no use to anyone so let's look at other people not on the level of Acts but on the level of being without judging whether or not other people did something one rejoices in their being there in their very existence and one calls out to them with words of gratitude youth you call out to them their existence what on Earth are you talking about philosopher if you consider things at the level of being we are of use to others and have worth just by being here this is an indisputable fact no way enough joking around being of use to someone just by being here that's got to be straight out of some new religion well for example suppose your mother has a car accident her condition is serious and her life may be in danger at a time like that you would not be wondering if your mother did something or anything of the sort more than likely you will just be thinking you'll be glad if she makes it and you're glad she is holding on right now of course I would that's what it means to be grateful on the level of being your mother might not be able to do anything in her critical condition that would be considered an act but just by being alive she would be supporting the psychological state of you and your family and would therefore be of use the same could be said for you too if your life were in danger and you were hanging on by a thread the people around you would probably feel very gladdened just by the very fact of your existing they would simply feel thankful that you are safe in the here and now and would not be wanting you to perform some direct act at the very least there is no reason they would have to think that way so instead of thinking of oneself on the level of Acts first of all one accepts oneself on the level of being youth that's an extreme example everyday life is different philosopher no it is the same youth what is the same about it try and give me a more everyday example please if you can't I won't be able to agree with this philosopher all right when we look at other people we are prone to construct our own ideal images of ourselves which we then detract from and judge imagine for example a child who never talks back to his parents excels in both schoolwork and sports attends a good University and joins a large company there are parents who will compare their child to such an image of an ideal child which is an impossible fiction and then be filled with complaints and dissatisfaction they treat the idealized image as 100 points and they gradually subtract from that this is truly a judgment way of thinking instead the parents could refrain from comparing their child to anyone else see him for who he actually is and be glad and grateful for his being there instead of taking away points from some idealized image they could start from zero and if they do that they should be able to call out to his existence itself youth okay but I'd say that's just an idealistic approach so are you saying that even with the kind of child who never goes to school or gets a job but just shuts himself in and stays home one should still communicate one's gratitude and say thank you philosopher of course suppose your shuttin child helped you wash the dishes after a meal if you were to say then enough of that already just go to school you would be using the words of such parents who detract from an image of an ideal child if you were to take such an approach the child would probably end up even more discouraged however if you can say a straightforward thank you the child just might feel his own worth and take a new step forward youth that's just utterly hypocritical it's nothing more than the nonsensical talk of a hypocrite it sounds like the neighborly love that Christians talk about the community feeling the horizontal relationships the gratitude for existence and so on who on Earth could actually do such things philosopher with regard to this issue of community feeling there was a person who asked Adler a similar question Adler's reply was the following someone has to start other people might not be cooperative but that is not connected to you my advice is this you should start with no regard to whether others are Cooperative or not my advice is exactly the same people cannot make proper use of self youth I should start philosopher that's right without regard to whether other people are Cooperative or not youth all right I'll ask you again people can be of use to someone else simply by being alive and have a true sense of their worth just by being alive is that what you are saying yes well I don't know I am alive right here and now I who is no one else but me am alive right here but even so I don't really feel that I have worth can you describe in words why you do not feel that you have worth youth I suppose it's what you've been referring to as interpersonal relations from childhood up to the present I've always been belittled by people around me especially my parents as a poor excuse for a little brother they have never really tried to recognize me for who I am you say that worth is something one gives to oneself but that's just an impractical theory for example at the library where I work for the most part my job is just sorting The Returned books and putting them back on the shelves it's routine work that anyone could do once they've been taught if I stopped going to work my boss would have no trouble finding someone to replace me I am needed only for the unskilled labor I provide and it doesn't actually matter at all if it is I who is working there or someone else or a machine for that matter no one is requiring this me in particular in such circumstances would you have confidence in yourself would you be able to have a true sense of worth philosopher from an Adian psychology point of view the answer is simple first first of all build a horizontal relationship between yourself and another person one is enough let's start from there youth please don't treat me like a fool look I have friends and I am building solid horizontal relationships with them philosopher even so I suspect that with your parents and your boss and with your Junior colleagues and other people as well the relationships you building are vertical ones youth of course I have different kinds of relationships that's how it is for everyone this is a very important Point does one build vertical relationships or does one build horizontal relationships this is an issue of lifestyle and human beings are not so clever as to be able to have different Lifestyles available whenever the need arises in other words deciding that one is equal to this person or in a hierarchical relationship with that person does not work youth do you mean that one has to choose one or the other vertical relationships or horizontal relationships absolutely yes if you are building even one vertical relationship with someone before you even notice what is happening you will be treating all your interpersonal relations as vertical so I am treating even my relationships with my friends as vertical that is correct even if you are not treating them in a boss or subordinate kind of way it is as if you are saying a is above me and B is below me for example or I'll follow A's advice but ignore what B says or I don't mind breaking my promise to see h on the other hand if one one has managed to build a horizontal relationship with at least one person if one has been able to build a relationship of equals in the true sense of the term that is a major lifestyle transformation with that breakthrough all one's interpersonal relations will gradually become horizontal what nonsense there are so many ways I could refute that think of a company setting for example it wouldn't really be feasible for the director and his new recruits to form relationships as equals would it hierarchical relationships are part of the system of our society and to ignore that is to ignore the social order look if you heard that a new recruit at your company who's only 20 or so had suddenly started buddying up to the 60-some director don't you think it would sound pretty far-fetched philosopher it is certainly important to respect one's Elders in a company structure it is only natural for there to be different levels of responsibility I am not telling you to make friends with everyone or behave as if you are close friends rather what is important is to be equal in Consciousness and to assert that which needs to be asserted youth I am not someone who can mouth off to my seniors and I would never think of trying my social Common Sense would be called into question if I did what is senior what is this mouthing off if one is gauging the atmosphere of a situation and being dependent on vertical relationships one is engaging in irresponsible acts one is trying to avoid one's responsibilities what is irresponsible about it suppose that as a result of following your boss's instructions your work ends in Failure whose responsibility is it then youth well that would be my boss's responsibility because I was just following orders and he was the one who decided on them none of the responsibility is yours no it isn't it's the responsibility of the boss who gave the orders this is what's known as organizational accountability you are wrong that is a LIF lie there is space for you to refuse and there should also be space to propose a better way of doing things you are just thinking there is no space to refuse so that you can avoid the conflict of The Associated interpersonal relations and avoid responsibility and you are being dependent on vertical relationships youth are you saying I should disobey my boss sure in theory I should theoretically it's exactly as you say but I can't do that there's no way I could build a relationship like that really you are building a hor horizontal relationship with me right now you are asserting yourself very well instead of thinking about this or that difficulty you can just start here I can start here yes in this small study as I told you earlier to me you are an Irreplaceable friend am I wrong I appreciate it I really do but I'm afraid I'm afraid of AC accepting your proposal what are you afraid of exactly the tasks of friendship naturally I have never befriended an older man like you I have no idea if a friend relationship with such a difference in age is even possible or if I had better think of it as a student teacher relationship age does not matter in love and friendship it is certainly true that the tasks of friendship require a steady courage with regard to your relation relationship with me it will be fine to reduce the distance little by little to a degree of distance in which we are not in very close contact but can still reach out and touch each other's faces with our outstretched arms so to speak youth please give me some time just once more I would like some time to try to figure things out on my own our discussion today has given me much to think about I would like to take it all home and ruminate on it calmly on my own philosopher it takes time to gain a true understanding of community feeling it would be quite impossible to understand everything about it right here and now please return to your home and give it some careful thought while checking it against everything else we have discussed youth I will in any case it was quite a blow to be told that I never really look at others and I only have concern for myself you're really a dreadful fellow you say it in such a happy way yes I enjoy it immensely it hurts of course it's like a sharp pain that shoots through me as if I were swallowing needles but still I enjoy it immensely it's habit forming having these discussions with you I realized a little while ago that maybe I don't just want to take apart your argument I want you to take apart mine too I see that's an interesting analysis youth but don't forget I told you that I am going to take apart your argument and bring you to your knees and I haven't given up philosopher thank you I've had a good time too come by whenever you're ready to pick this back up the fifth night to live in Earnest in the here and now the young man thought to himself Adan psychology is engaged in a thorough inquiry into interpersonal relationships and the final goal of these interpersonal relationships is community feeling but is this really enough isn't there something else that I was brought into this world to achieve what is the meaning of life where am I headed and what sort of Life am I trying to lead the more the young man thought the more it seemed to him that his own existence had been tiny and insignificant excessive self-consciousness stifles the self philosopher it's been a while hasn't it youth yes I last came about a month ago I've been thinking about the meaning of community feeling since then so how do you feel about it now well Community feeling is definitely an attractive idea the sense of belonging that it's okay to be here for example which we possess as a fundamental desire I think it is a brilliant insight into our existence as social to creatures it's a brilliant Insight except funny you caught on right away that's right I still have some issues with it I'll say it straight out I have no idea what you're going on about with your references to the universe and all that and it ends up wreaking of religion from beginning to end there's this kind of cultish quality to it all that I just can't shake philosopher when Adler first proposed the concept of community feeling there was a great deal of opposition in a similar vein people said that psychology is supposed to be a science and here was Adler discussing the issue of worth that sort of thing isn't science they said youth so in my own way I tried to figure out why I couldn't understand what you were talking about and I'm thinking that the order of things might be the problem you're starting off with the universe and inanimate objects and the past and the future and so on so I lose track of things instead one should get a firm grasp of the eye next one should contemplate one-on-one relationships that is to say the interpersonal relationships of you and I and once one has done that the larger Community should come into view philosopher I see that is a good order youth now the first thing I want to ask about is attachment to self you are saying that one has to stop being attached to the eye and make the switch to concern for others I am sure it is exactly as you say concern for others is important I agree but no matter what we worry about ourselves we look at ourselves all the time philosopher have you thought about why we worry about ourselves I have if I were a narcissist for example if I were in love with myself and constantly fascinated with myself maybe that would simplify things because your instruction have more concern for others is a perfectly sound one but I'm not a self-loving narcissist I am a self-loathing realist I hate who I am and that's exactly why I look at myself all the time I don't have confidence in myself and that's why I am excessively self-conscious philosopher at what times do you feel that you are excessively self-conscious youth well at meetings for example I have a hard time raising my hand and making myself heard I think needless things like if I ask this question they'll probably laugh at me or if the point I want to make is irrelevant I'll get ridiculed and so on and I just clam up truthfully I falter even when it comes to telling silly jokes in front of people every time my self-consciousness kicks in and puts the brakes on and it's as if I've been straight jacked did my self-consciousness won't allow me to behave in an innocent way but I don't even have to ask for your answer I'm sure it'll be the same as always have courage but you know such words are of no use to me because this isn't just a matter of Courage philosopher I see last time I gave an overview of community feeling today we will dig deeper Youth and where will that take us we will probably arrive at the question what is happiness oh so happiness lies Beyond Community feeling there is no need to rush the answers what we need is dialogue all right then so let's get started not self-affirmation self acceptance philosopher first of all let's look at what we were just saying about your self-consciousness putting the brakes on and not letting you behave in an innocent way there are probably many people who experience this trouble so let's go back to the source again and think about your goal what could you be trying to gain by putting the brakes on your own innocent Behavior youth it's the genuine desire to not be laughed at to not be thought of as a fool philosopher so in other words you do not have confidence in your innocent self in yourself just as you are right and you stay away from the kind of interpersonal relationship in which you would just be yourself but I'll bet that when you're home alone you sing out loud and dance to music and speak in a lively voice ha it's almost like you've set up a surveillance camera in my room but yes it's true I can behave freely when I'm alone philosopher anyone can behave like a king when they're alone so this is an issue that should be considered in the context of interpersonal relations because it isn't that you don't have an innocent self it is only that you can't do such things in front of others youth well what should I do then philosopher it's about Community feeling after all concretely speaking it's making the switch from attachment to self self-interest to concern for others social interest and gaining a sense of community feeling three things are needed at this point self-acceptance confidence in others and contribution to others interesting new keywords I see what do they refer to philosopher let's start with self acceptance on our first night I brought up that statement of adlers the important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment do you remember this yes of course we cannot discard the receptacle that is the eye and neither can we replace it the important thing however is what use one makes of that equipment one changes one's way of looking at the eye that is to say one changes how one uses it youth does that mean be more positive and have a stronger sense of self-affirmation think about everything more positively philosopher there is no need to go out of one's way to be positive and affirm oneself it's not self-affirmation that we are concerned with but self-acceptance not self-affirmation but self-acceptance that's right there is a clear difference self-affirmation is making suggestions to oneself such as I can do it or I am strong even when something is simply Beyond one's ability it is a notion that can bring about a superiority complex and may even be termed a way of living in which one lies to oneself with self-acceptance on the other hand if one cannot do something one is simply accepting one's incapable self as is and moving forward so that one can do whatever one can it is not a way of lying to oneself to put it more simply say you've got a score of 60% but you tell yourself I just happen to get unlucky this time around and the real me is 100% that is self affirmation by contrast if one accepts oneself as one is as 60% and thinks to oneself how should I go about getting closer to 100% that is self-acceptance youth so even if you're only 60% there's no need to be pessimistic of course not no one is perfect do you recall what I said when I was explaining the pursuit of superiority that all people are in this condition of wanting to improve but the other way around there is no such thing as a 100% person this is something we should actively acknowledge youth hm what you're saying sounds positive in various respects but has a negative ring to it as well philosopher here I use the term affirmative resignation affirmative resignation this is also the case with the separation of tasks one ascertains the things one can change and the things one cannot change one cannot change what one is born with but one can under one's own power go about changing what use one makes of that equipment so in that case one simply has to focus on what one can change rather than on what one cannot this is what I call self-acceptance what one can change and what one cannot that's right accept what is irreplaceable accept this me just as it is and have the courage to change what one can change that is self-acceptance H that reminds me of a line that the writer Kurt vut quoted in one of his books God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom always to tell the difference it's in the novel slaughter house 5 philosopher yes I know it it is the Serenity Prayer these words are well known and have been transmitted for many years in Christian societies youth he even used the word courage I read the book so intently I should know it by heart but I have never noticed this point until now philosopher it's true we do not lack ability we just lack lack courage it all comes down to Courage the difference between trust and confidence youth there is something about this affirmative resignation that sounds pessimistic it's just too Bleak if the upshot of all this lengthy discussion is resignation philosopher is that so resignation has the connotation of seeing clearly with fortitude and acceptance having a firm grasp on the truth of things that is resignation there is nothing pessimistic about it youth a firm grasp on the truth philosopher of course just because one has arrived at affirmative resignation as one's self-acceptance it does not automatically follow that one finds Community feeling that is the reality when one is switching from attachment to self to concern for others the second key concept confidence in others becomes absolutely essential youth confidence in others in other words believing in others here I will consider the words believing in others in the context of distinguishing trust from confidence first when we speak of trust we are referring to something that comes with set conditions in English it is referred to as credit for example when one wants to borrow money from a bank one has to have some kind of security the bank calculates the amount of the loan based on the value of that security and says we will lend you this much the attitude of we will lend it to you on the condition that you will pay it back or we will lend you as much as you are able to pay back is not one of having confidence in someone it is trust youth well that's how Bank financing works I guess philosopher by contrast from the standpoint of Adan psychology the basis of interpersonal relations Is Not founded on trust but on confidence Youth and confidence in this case is it is doing without any set conditions whatsoever when believing in others even if one does not have sufficient objective grounds for trusting someone One Believes One Believes unconditionally without concerning oneself with such things as security that is confidence youth believing unconditionally so it's back to your pet notion of neighborly love of course if one believes in others without setting any conditions whatsoever there will will be times when one gets taken advantage of just like the guarantor of a debt there are times when one may suffer damages the attitude of continuing to believe in someone even in such instances is what we call confidence youth only a naive dimwit would do such a thing I guess you hold with the doctrine of innate human goodness while I hold with the doctrine of innate human evilness believe UNC conditionally in complete strangers and you'll just get used and abused philosopher and there are also times when someone deceives you and you get used that way but look at it from the standpoint of someone who has been taken advantage of there are people who will continue to believe in you unconditionally even if you are the one who has taken advantage of them people who will have confidence in you no matter how they are treated would you be able to betray such a person again and again um no well it would be I am sure it would be quite difficult for you to do such a thing youth after all that are you saying one has to appeal to the emotions to keep on holding the faith like a saint and act on the conscience of the other person you're telling me that morals don't matter to Adler but isn't that exactly what we're talking about here no it is not what would you say is the opposite of confidence youth an antonym of confidence um philosopher it is doubt suppose you have placed doubt at the foundation of your interpersonal relations that you live your life doubting other people doubting your friends and even your family and those you love what sort of relationship could possibly arise from that the other person will Det detect the doubt in your eyes in an instant he or she will have an instinctive understanding that this person does not have confidence in me do you think one would be able to build some kind of positive relationship from that point it is precisely because we lay a foundation of unconditional confidence that it is possible for us to build a deep relationship okay I guess the way need to understand Adian psychology is simple right now you are thinking if I were to have confidence in someone unconditionally I would just get taken advantage of however you are not the one who decides whether or not to take advantage that is the other person's task all you need to do is think what should I do if you are telling yourself I'll give it to him if he isn't going to take advantage of me it is just a relationship of trust that is based on security or conditions youth so one separates tasks there too philosopher yes as I have stated repeatedly carrying out the separation of tasks returns life to an astonishingly simple form but while the principle of the separation of tasks is easy to grasp putting it into practice is difficult I recognize that you then you're telling me to keep on having confidence in everyone to Keep On Believing in all other people even when they deceive me and just go on being a naive fool that's not philosophy or psychology or anything of the sort it's just the preaching of a zealot I reject that definitively Adan psychology is not saying have confidence in others unconditionally on the basis of a moralistic system of values unconditional confidence is a means for making your interpersonal relationship with a person better and for building a horizontal relationship if you do not have the desire to make your relationship with that person better then go ahead and sever it because carrying out the severing is your task youth then what if I've placed unconditional confidence in a friend in order to make our relationship better I've jumped through all sorts of Hoops for this friend gladly satisfying any requests from and been unstinting with my time and efforts in this regard but even in such cases there are times when one is taken advantage of for example if one were horribly taken advantage of by a person one has believed in completely wouldn't that experience lead one to a lifestyle with an other people are enemies Outlook philosopher it seems that you have not yet gained an understanding of the goal of confidence suppose for example that you are in a love Rel relationship but you are having doubts about your partner and you think to yourself I'll bet she's cheating on me and you start making desperate efforts in search of evidence to prove that what do you think would happen as a result youth well I guess that would depend on the situation philosopher no in every instance you will find an abundance of evidence that she has been cheating on you wait why is that your partner's casual remarks her tone when talking to someone on the phone the times when you can't reach her as long as you are looking with doubt in your eyes everything around you will appear to be evidence that she is cheating on you even if she is not youth H philosopher right now you are only concerned about the times you were taken advantage of and nothing else you focus only on the pain from the wounds you sustained on such occasions but if you are afraid to have confidence in others in the long run you will not be able to build deep relationships with anyone youth well I see what you're getting at the main objective which is to build deep relationships but still being taken advantage of is scary and that's the reality isn't it philosopher if it is a shallow relationship when it falls apart the pain will be slight and the joy that relationship brings day will also be slight it is precisely because one can gain the courage to enter into deeper Relationships by having confidence in others that the joy of one's interpersonal relations can grow and one's joy in life can grow too youth no that's not what I was talking about you're changing the subject again the courage to overcome the fear of being taken advantage of where does it come from philosopher it comes from self-acceptance if one can simply accept oneself as one is and ascertain what one can do and what one cannot one becomes able to understand that taking advantage is the other person's task and getting to the core of confidence in others becomes less difficult youth you're saying that taking advantage of someone is the other person's task and one can't do anything about it that I should be resigned in an affirmative way your arguments always ignore our emotions what does one do about all the anger and sadness one feels when one is taken advantage of philosopher when one is sad one should be sad to one's heart's content it is precisely when one tries to escape the pain and sadness that one gets stuck and ceases to be able to build deep relationships with anyone think about it this way we can believe and we can doubt but we are aspiring to see others as our comrades to believe or to doubt the choice should be clear the essence of work is a contribution to the common good youth all right well suppose I've managed to attain self-acceptance and that I have attained confidence in others too what kind of changes would there be in me then philosopher first one accepts one's Irreplaceable this me just as it is that is self-acceptance then one places unconditional confidence in other people that is confidence in others you can accept yourself and you can have confidence in others so what are other people to you now my comrades exactly in effect placing confidence in others is connected to seeing others as comrades it is because they are one's comrades that one can have confidence in them if they were not one's comrades one would not be able to reach the level of confidence and then having other people as one's comrades connects to finding refuge in the community One belongs to so one can gain the sense of belonging that it's okay to be here youth in other words you're saying that to feel it's okay to be here one has to see others as comrades and that to see others as comrades one needs both self-acceptance and confidence in others philosopher that's right you are grasping this more quickly now to take it a step further one may say that people who think of others as enemies have not attained self acceptance and do not have enough confidence in others youth all right it is true that people seek the sense of belonging that it's okay to be here and to get that they need self-acceptance and confidence in others I have no objection to that but I don't know can one really gain a sense of belonging just by seeing others as comrades and having confidence in them philosopher of course Community feeling is not something that is attainable with just self-acceptance and confidence in others it is at this point point that the third key concept contribution to others becomes necessary contribution to others philosopher is to act in some way on one's comrades to attempt to contribute that is contribution to others youth So when you say contribute you mean to show a spirit of self-sacrifice and to be of service to those around you philosopher contribution to other other does not connote self-sacrifice Adler goes so far as to warn that those who sacrifice their own lives for others are people who have conformed to society too much and please do not forget we are truly aware of our own worth only when we feel that our existence and behavior are beneficial to the community that is to say when one feels I am of use to someone do you remember this in other words words contribution to others rather than being about getting rid of the ey and being of service to someone is actually something one does in order to be truly aware of the worth of the eye youth contributing to others is for oneself philosopher yes there is no need to sacrifice the self uh-oh your argument is starting to crumble here isn't it you've done a wonderful job of digging your own grave in order to satisfy the eye one makes oneself of service to others isn't that the very definition of hypocrisy I said it before your entire argument is hypocritical it's a slippery argument look I would rather believe in the villain who is honest about his desires than the good guy who tells a pack of Lies philosopher those are a lot of hasty conclusions you do not understand Community feeling yet youth then I wish you would provide concrete examples of what you consider to be contribution to others philosopher the most easily understood contribution to others is probably work to be in society and join the workforce or to do the work of taking care of one's household labor is not a means of earning money it is through Labor that one makes contributions to others and commits to one's community and that one truly feels I I am of use to someone and even comes to accept one's existential worth youth you are saying that the essence of work is contribution to others philosopher making money is a major factor too of course it is something akin to that dostoevski quote you happened upon money is coined freedom but there are people who have so much money that they could never use it all and many of these people are continually busy with their work why do they work are they driven by boundless greed no they work so they are able to contribute to others and also to confirm their sense of belonging their feeling that it's okay to be here wealthy people who on having amassed a great Fortune Focus their energies on charitable activities are doing so in order to attain a sense of their own worth and confirm for themselves elves that it's okay to be here youth H I suppose that is one truth but but what self-acceptance accepting one's Irreplaceable this me just as it is confidence in others to place unconditional confidence at the base of one's interpersonal relations rather than seeding doubt the young man found these two concepts sufficient ently convincing contribution to others however was something he could not quite grasp if that contribution is supposed to be for other people then it would have to be one of bitter self-sacrifice on the other hand if that contribution is actually for oneself then it's the height of hypocrisy this point has to be made utterly clear in a Resolute tone of voice the young man continued young people walk ahead of adults youth I will acknowledge that work has aspects of contribution to others but the logic that says that officially one is contributing to others when in actuality one is doing it for oneself is nothing other than hypocrisy how do you explain that philosopher imagine the following kind of scene it's after dinner at home and there are still dishes left on the table the children have gone off to their rooms and the husband is sitting on the sofa watching television it's been left to the wife me to do the dishes and clear everything up to make matters worse the family takes that for granted and they don't make the slightest effort to help in such a situation normally one would think why won't they give me a hand or why do I have to do all the work even if I do not hear the words thank you from my family while I'm cleaning up I want them to think that I am of use to the family instead of thinking about what others can do for me I want to think about and put into practice what I can do for other people just by having that feeling of contribution the reality right in front of me will take on a completely different Hue in fact if I'm grumbling to myself as I wash the dishes I am probably not much fun to be around so everyone just wants to to keep their distance on the other hand if I'm humming away to myself and washing the dishes in good spirits the children might come and give me a hand at the very least I'd be creating an atmosphere in which it is easier for them to offer their help youth well that might be the case in that setting anyway philosopher now how come I have a feeling of contribution in that setting I have it because I am able to think of the members of my family as comrades if I cannot do that that inevitably there will be thoughts running through my head like why am I the only one doing this and why Won't Anyone give me a hand contribution that is carried out while one is seeing other people as enemies May indeed lead to hypocrisy but if other people are one's comrades that should never happen regardless of the contributions one makes you have been fixating on the word hypocrisy because you do not understand Community feeling yet okay for the sake of convenience up to this point I have discussed self-acceptance confidence in others and contribution to others in that order however these three are linked as an indispensable whole in a sort of circular structure it is because one accepts oneself just as one is one self- accepts that one can have confidence in others without the fear of being taken advantage of and it is because one can place unconditional confidence in others and feel that people are one's comrades that one can engage in contribution to others further it is because one contributes to others that one can have the Deep awareness that I am of use to someone and accept oneself just as one is one can self- accept the notes you took down the other day do you have them with you youth Oh you mean that note on the objectives put forward by Adian psychology I've kept it on me ever since that day of course here it is the two objectives for Behavior to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with Society the two objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviors the Consciousness that I have the ability and the Consciousness that people are my comrades philosopher if you overlap the content of this note with what we have just been discussing you should be able to gain a deeper understanding in other words to be self-reliant and the Consciousness that I have the ability corresponds to our discussion of self-acceptance and then to live in harmony with society and the Consciousness that people are my comrades connects to confidence in others and then to contribution to others youth I see so the objective of life is community feeling I think it will be some time before I can get this clear in my head though philosopher yes it probably will as Adler himself said understanding a human being is no easy matter of all the forms of psychology individual psychology is probably the most difficult to learn and put into practice youth that's exactly right even if the theories are convincing it's hard to put them into practice philosopher it is even said that to truly understand Adan psychology and apply it to actually changing one's way of living one needs half the number of years one has lived in other words if you were to start studying at the age of 40 it would take another 20 years until you turn 60 if you were to start studying at the age of 20 it would take 10 years until you turn 30 you are still young starting at such an early stage in life means that you might be able to change more quickly in the sense that you can change quickly you are walking ahead of the adults of the world to go about changing yourself and making a new world in a way you are ahead of me too it is okay to lose your way or lose focus do not be dependent on vertical relationships or be afraid of being disliked and just make your way forward freely if all the adults could see that young people were walking ahead of them I'm sure the world would change dramatically youth I am walking ahead of you philosopher you certainly are we walk on the same ground and you're moving on ahead of me you're the first person I've ever met who would say such a thing to someone young enough to be his son I would like more and more young people to learn about Adler's thought and I would like more adults to learn about it too because people can change regardless of their ages workaholism is a LIF lie youth all right I readily admit that I do not have the courage to take steps towards self-acceptance or confidence in others but is this really only the fault of the ey isn't it also actually a problem brought about by other people who accuse me unreasonably and attack me philosopher to be sure not everyone in the world is a good and virt ous person one goes through any number of unpleasant experiences in one's interpersonal relations but there is something one must not get wrong at this juncture the fact that in every instance it is that person who attacks you who has the problem and it is certainly not the case that everyone is bad people with neurotic Lifestyles tend to sprinkle their speech with such words as everyone and always and everything everyone hates me they will say or it's always me who takes a loss or everything is wrong if you think you might be in the habit of using such generalizing statements you should be careful youth well that does sound rather familiar in Adan psychology we think of this as a way of living that is lacking in harmony of life it is a way of living in which one sees only a part of things but judges the whole Harmony of life in the teachings of Judaism one finds the following anecdote if there are 10 people one will be someone who criticizes you no matter what you do this person will come to dislike you and you will not learn to like him either then there will be two others who accept everything about you and whom you accept to and you will become close friends with them the remaining seven people will be neither of these types now do you focus on the one person who dislikes you do you pay more attention to the two who love you or would you focus on the crowd the other seven a person who is lacking in harmony of life will see only the one person he dislikes and will make a judgment of the world from that intriguing some time ago I participated in a workshop for stammer sufferers and their families do you know anyone who has a stammer youth yes there was a student at the school I went to who stuttered that must be hard to deal with both for the person who has it and for his family too philosopher why is stammering hard to deal with the view in Adan psychology is the people who suffer from stammering are concerned only about their own way of speaking and they have feelings of infu priority and see their lives as unbearably hard and they become too self-conscious as a result and start tripping over their words more and more youth they are concerned only about their own way of speaking that's right there are not many people who will laugh at or make fun of someone when he trips over his words now and then to use the example I just mentioned it would probably be no more than one person in 10 at most most in any case with the sort of foolish person who would take such an attitude it is best to Simply sever the relationship but if one is lacking in harmony of life one will focus only on that person and end up thinking everyone is laughing at me youth well that's just human nature philosopher I have a reading group that meets on a regular basis and one of the participants has a stammer it comes out sometimes when it's his turn to read but not a single person there is the sort who would laugh at him for that everyone just sits quietly and waits in a quite natural way for the next words to come out I am sure this is not a phenomenon that is isolated to my reading group when one's interpersonal relations do not go well it cannot be blamed on a stammer or a fear of blushing or anything of the sort even though the problem is really that one has not attained self-acceptance or confidence in others or contribution to others for that matter one is focusing on only one tiny part of things that simply should not matter and from that trying to form judgments with regard to the entire world this is a misguided lifestyle that is lacking in harmony of Life youth did you actually convey such a harsh idea to people who suffer from stammering philosopher of course at first there were some adverse reactions but by the end of the 3-day Workshop everyone was in deep agreement with it youth it certainly is a fascinating argument but focusing on people who suffer from stammering seems like a rather special example could you give me others philosopher well another would be the workaholic this too is an example of a person who is clearly lacking in harmony of Life a workaholic is why is that people who suffer from stammering are looking at only a part of things but judging the whole with Workaholics the focus is solely on one specific aspect of life they probably tried to justify that by saying it's busy at work so I don't have enough time to think about my family family but this is a LIF lie they are simply trying to avoid their other responsibilities by using work as an excuse one ought to concern oneself with everything from household chores and child rearing to one's friendships and hobbies and so on Adler does not recognize ways of living in which certain aspects are unusually dominant youth Ah that's exactly the sort of person my father was it was just be a workaholic bury yourself in your work and produce results and then rule over the family on the grounds that you were the bread winner he was a very feudalistic person philosopher in a sense that is a way of living of refusing to acknowledge one's life tasks work does not mean having a job and a company work in the home child rearing contributing to the local Society Hobbies in all manner of other things are work companies and such are just one small part of that a way of living that ack knowledge's only company work is one that is lacking in harmony of Life youth it's exactly as you say and it's not as if the family he's supporting has any say in the matter either you can't argue with your father when he growls with a violent tone of voice it's thanks to me that there's food on the table philosopher such a father has probably been able to recognize his own worth only on the level of Acts he works all those hours brings in enough money to support a family and is recognized by society and on that basis he views himself as having greater worth than the other members of his family for each and every one of us however there comes a time when one can no longer serve as the provider when one gets older and reaches retirement age for example one may have no choice but to live off one's pension or support from one's children even when one is Young injury or poor health can lead to not being able to work any longer on such occasions those who can accept themselves only on the level of AXS are severely damaged youth you mean those people whose lifestyle is all about work yes people whose lives lack Harmony youth in that case I think I'm starting to get what you mean by the level of being which you brought up last time and I certainly haven't given much thought to the fact that someday I won't be able to work any longer or do anything on the level of Acts philosopher does one accept oneself on the level of Acts or on the level of being this is truly a question that relates to the courage to be happy you can be happy now youth the courage to be happy well let's hear what kind of Courage that should be philosopher yes that is an important Point Youth you say that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems and then you turn that around and say that our happiness is to be found in our interpersonal relations too but I still find these aspects hard to accept is what human beings call happiness merely something within our good interpersonal relations that is to say do our lives exist for such minuscule Repose and joy philosopher I have a good idea of the issues you are grappling with the first time I attended a lecture on adarian psychology the lecturer Oscar Christensen who was a disciple of one of Adler's disciples made the following statement those who hear my talk today can be happy right now this very instant but those who do not will never be able to be happy youth wow that's straight from the mouth of a con man you're not telling me you fell for that are you what is happiness to human beings this is a subject that has been one of the consistent threads of philosophy since ancient times I had always regarded psychology as nothing more than a field of philosophy and as such had very little interest in psychology as a whole so it was as a student of philosophy that I had concerned myself in my own way with the question what is happiness I would be remiss if I did not admit to having felt some reluctance on hearing christenson's words however at the same time that I experienced that reluctance I realized something I had given much deep thought to the true character of happiness I had searched for answers but I had not always given deep thought to the question how can one be happy it occurred to me then that even though I was a student of philosophy maybe I wasn't happy I see so your first encounter with Adan psychology began with a feeling of in congruity that's right then please tell me did you eventually become happy of course how can you be so sure for a human being the greatest unhappiness is not being able to like oneself Adler came up with an extremely simple answer to address this reality namely that the feeling of I am benefiting to the community or I am of use to someone is the only thing that can give one a true awareness that one has worth do you mean the contribution to others you mentioned earlier yes and this is an important point when we speak of contribution to others it doesn't matter if the contribution is not a visible one youth it doesn't matter if the contribution is not a visible one philosophy ER you are not the one who decides if your contributions are of use that is the task of other people and is not an issue in which you can intervene in principle there is not even any way you can know whether you have really made a contribution that is to say when we are engaging in this contribution to others the contribution does not have to be a visible one all we need is the subjective sense that I am of use to someone or in other words a feeling of contribution wait a minute if that's the case then what you are calling happiness is do you see it now in a word happiness is the feeling of contribution that is the definition of happiness but but that's is something wrong there's no way I can accept such a simplistic definition look I'm not forgetting what you told me before you said though on the level of Acts one might not be of use to anyone on the level of being every person is of use but if that's the case according to your logic all human beings will be happy all human beings can be happy but it must be understood this does not mean all human beings are happy whether it is on the level of acte or on the level of being one needs to feel that one is of use to someone that is to say one needs a feeling of contribution youth so you are saying that the reason I am not happy is that I don't have a feeling of contribution that is correct then how can I get a feeling of contribution by working through volunteer activities earlier we were talking about desire for recognition in response to my statement that one must not seek recognition you said that desire for recognition is a universal desire yes I did but honestly I'm still not entirely certain about this point philosopher but I am sure that the reason people seek recognition is clear to you now people want to like themselves they want to feel that they have worth in order to feel that they want a feeling of contribution that tells them I am of use to someone and they seek recognition from others as an easy means for gaining that feeling of contribution youth you are saying that desire for recognition is a means for gaining a feeling of contribution isn't it so youth no way that contradicts everything you've been saying until now because isn't it receiving recognition from others supposed to be a means for gaining a feeling of contribution and then then you say happiness is the feeling of contribution if it is then fulfilling one's desire for recognition is directly linked with happiness isn't it at last you've acknowledged the necessity of the desire for recognition you are forgetting an important issue if one's means for gaining a feeling of contribution turns out to be being recognized by others in the long run one will have no choice but to walk through life and in accordance with other people's wishes there is no freedom in a feeling of contribution that is gained through the desire for recognition we are beings who choose Freedom while aspiring to happiness so one can have happiness only if one has Freedom yes Freedom as an institution May differ depending on the country the times or the culture but freedom in our interpersonal relations is universal there's no way that you will acknowledge the desire for recognition if one really has a feeling of contribution one will no longer have any need for recognition from others because one will already have the real awareness that I am of use to someone without needing to go out of one's way to be acknowledged by others in other words a person who is obsessed with the desire for recognition does not have any Community feeling yet and has not managed to engage in self-acceptance confidence in others or contribution to others youth so if one just has Community feeling the desire for recognition will disappear yes it will disappear there is no need for recognition from others the Philosopher's points could be summed up as follows people can only be truly aware of their worth when they are able to feel I am of use to someone however it doesn't matter if the contribution one makes at such a time is without any visible form it is enough to have the subjective sense of being of use to someone that is to say a feeling of contribution and then the philosopher arrives at the following conclusion happiness is the feeling of contribution there certainly seem to be aspects of the truth there but is that really all that happiness is not if it's the happiness I'm searching for two paths traveled by those wanting to be special beings youth you still have not answered my question maybe I could actually learn to like myself through contribution to others maybe I could come to feel that I have worth that I am not a worthless being but is that all a person needs to be happy having come into this world I think that unless I am able to accomplish the sort of grand undertaking that future Generations will remember me for unless I can prove myself as I whom am I no one else but me I will never find true happiness you are trying to frame everything within interpersonal relations without saying a thing about self-realizing happiness if you ask me that's nothing but evasion philosopher I'm not really sure what you mean by self-realizing happiness what exactly are you referring to youth it's something that is different for each person I suppose there are those who want to succeed in society and those who have more personal objectives a researcher endeavoring to develop a wonder drug for instance or an artist who strives to create a satisfying body of work what is it for you I still don't really know what I'm looking for or what I want to do in the future but I know that I've got to do something there's no way I'm going to spend the rest of my days working in a University Library when I find a dream that I can devote my life to and I attain self-realization that's when I'll experience true happiness my father was someone who buried himself in his work from day to night and I have no idea if that was happiness to him or not to my eyes at least he seemed forever busy and never happy that is not the kind of life I want to lead philosopher all right if you think about this point using children who engage in problem Behavior as an example it might be easier to grasp problem Behavior that's right first of all we human beings have a universal desire that is referred to as pursuit of superiority do you recall our discussion of this yes simply put it's a term that indicates hoping to improve and pursuing an ideal State philosopher there are many children who in their early stages try to be especially good in particular they obey their parents comport themselves in a socially acceptable Manner and apply themselves assiduously to their studies and in sports and Excel in extracurricular activities as well in this way they try to get their parents to acknowledge them however when being especially good does not work out their studies or Sports don't go well for example they do an about face and try to be especially bad why do they do that whether they are trying to be especially good or trying to be especially bad the goal is the same to attract the attention of other people get out of the normal condition and become a special being that is their only goal youth H all right please go on philosopher in any case whether it is one studies or one's participation in sports either way one needs to make a constant effort if one is to produce any kind of significant results but the children who try to be especially bad that is to say the ones who engage in problem Behavior are endeavoring to attract the attention of other people even as they continue to avoid any such healthy effort in Adian psychology this is referred to as the pursuit of easy superiority take for example the problem child who disrupts lessons by throwing erasers or speaking in a loud voice he is certain to get the attention of his friends and teachers even if it is something that is limited to that place he will probably succeed in becoming a special being but that is a pursuit of easy superiority and is an unhealthy attitude youth so children who commit delinquent acts are engaging in the pursuit of easy superiority too yes they are all types of problem behavior from refusing to attend school to wrist cutting to underage drinking and smoking and so on are forms of the pursuit of easy superiority and your shuttin friend who you told me about at the beginning is is engaging in it too when a child engages in problem Behavior his parents and other adults rebuke him being rebuked more than anything else puts stress on the child but even if it is in the form of rebuke the child wants his parents attention he wants to be a special being and the form that attention takes doesn't matter so in a sense it is only natural that he does not stop engaging in problem Behavior no matter how harshly he is rebuked youth it's because of their rebuking that he doesn't stop the problem Behavior exactly because the parents and other adults are giving him attention through the act of rebuking but previously you spoke of the goal of problem Behavior as being revenge on the parents right does that connect with this in some way yes revenge and pursuit of easy superiority are easily linked one makes trouble for another person while trying at the same time to be special the courage to be normal youth but how it would be impossible for all human beings to be especially good or anything like that wouldn't it no matter what people have their strengths and weaknesses and there will always be differences there's only a handful of Genius is in the world not everyone is cut out to be an honor student so for all the losers there's nothing for it besides being especially bad philosopher yes it's that Socratic Paradox that no one desires evil because to children who engage in problem Behavior even violent acts and theft are accomplishments of good but that's horrible that's a line of reasoning with no way out but Adan Psych ology emphasizes at this juncture other words the courage to be normal the courage to be normal why is it necessary to be special probably because one cannot accept one's normal self and it is precisely for this reason that when being especially good becomes a lost cause one makes the huge leap to being especially bad the opposite extreme but is being normal being ordinary really such a bad thing is it something inferior or in truth isn't everybody normal it is necessary to think this through to its logical conclusion so are you saying that I should be normal self acceptance is the vital first step if you are able to possess the courage to be normal your way of looking at the world will change dramatically but you are probably rejecting normality because you equate being normal with being incapable being normal is not being incapable one does not need to flaunt one's superiority fine I acknowledge the danger of aiming to be special but does one really need to make the deliberate choice to be normal if I pass my time in this world in an utterly humdrum way if I lead a pointless life without leaving any record or memory of my existence whatsoever am I to just be satisfied IED with my lot because that's the sort of human being I am you've got to be joking I'd abandon such a life in a second you want to be special no matter what no look accepting what you call normal would lead to me having to affirm my idol self it would just be saying this is all I am capable of and that's fine I refuse to accept such an idle way of life do you think that Napoleon or Alexander the Great or Einstein or Martin Luther King accepted normal and how about Socrates and Plato not a chance more than likely they all live their lives while carrying the torch of a great ideal or objective another Napoleon could never emerge with your line of reasoning you're trying to rid the world of geniuses so what you are saying is that one needs lofty goals in life but that's obvious the courage to be normal what truly Dreadful words are Adler and his philosopher really telling me to choose such a path to go about my life as just another Soul among the utterly ordinary faceless masses I'm no Genius of course maybe normal is the only choice I have maybe I will just have to accept my mediocre self and surrender to Leading a mediocre everyday existence but I will fight it whatever happens I will oppose this man to the bit end we seemed to be approaching the heart of our discussion the young man's pulse was racing and despite the wintry chill in the air his clenched fists Shone with sweat life is a series of moments philosopher all right when you speak of lofty goals I am guessing that you have an image of something like a mountain climber aiming for the top yes that's right people myself includ included aim for the top of the mountain but if life were climbing a mountain in order to reach the top then the greater part of life would end up being on route that is to say one's real life would begin with one's trekk on the mountain side and the distance one has traveled up until that point would be a tentative life led by a tentative me youth I guess that's one way of putting it the way I am now I am definitely an on root person philosopher now supposing you didn't make it to the Mountaintop what would that mean for your life with accidents and diseases and the like people don't always make it all the way and mountain climbing itself is fraught with pitfalls and often ends in Failure so one's life would be interrupted on roote with just this tentative me leading a tentative life what kind of of life would that be youth that's well that would be a case of getting one's Just Desserts so I didn't have the ability or I didn't have the physical strength to climb a mountain or I wasn't lucky or I lacked the skill that's all yes that is a reality I'm prepared to accept philosopher Adan psychology has a different standpoint people who think of life as being like climbing a mountain are treating their own existences as lines as if there is a line that started the instant one came into this world and that continues in all manner of Curves of varying sizes until it arrives at the summit and then at long last reaches its Terminus which is death this conception which treats Life as a kind of story is an idea that links with Freudian iology the attributing of causes and is a way of thinking that makes the greater part of life into something that is on root well what is your image of Life do not treat it as a line think of Life as a series of dots if you look through a magnifying glass at a solid line drawn with chalk you will discover that what you thought was a line is actually a series of small dots seemingly linear existence is actually a series of dots in other words life is a series of moments a series of moments yes it is a series of moments called now we can live only in the here and now our lives exist only in moments adults who do not know this attempt to impose linear lives onto young people their thinking is that staying on the conventional tracks good University big company stable household is a happy life but life is not made up of lines or anything like that so there's no need for Life planning or career planning if life were a line then life planning would be possible but our lives are only a series of dots a well-planned life is not something to be treated as necessary or unnecessary as it is impossible oh nonsense what an absurd idea live like you're dancing well phos opher what is wrong with it youth your argument not only denies the making of plans in life it goes as far as to deny even making efforts take for example the life of someone who has dreamed of being a violinist ever since childhood and who after years of strict training has at long last become an active member in a celebrated Orchestra or Another Life One of intensive studies that successfully leads to the passing of the bar examination and to becoming a lawyer neither of these lives would be possible without objectives and plans philosopher so in other words like mountain climbers aiming to reach the Mountaintop they have persevered on their Paths of course but is that really the case isn't it that these people have lived each and every instant of their lives here and now that is to say rather than living lives that are on Route they are always living here and now for example the person who had dreams of becoming a violinist was always looking at pieces of music and concentrating on each piece and on each and every measure and note youth would they attain their objectives that way philosopher think of it this way life is a series of moments which one lives as if one were dancing right now around and around each passing instant and when one happens to survey one's surroundings one realizes I guess I've made it this far among those who have danced the dance of the violin there are people who stay the course and become professional musicians among those who have danced the dance of the bar examination there are people who become lawyers there are people who have danced the dance of writing and become authors of course it also happens that people end up in entirely different places but none of these lives came to an end on Route it is enough if one finds fulfillment in the here and now one is dancing youth it's enough if one can dance in the now yes with dance it is the dancing itself that is the goal and no one is concerned with arriving somewhere by doing it naturally it may happen that one arrives somewhere as a result of having dance since one is dancing one does not stay in the same place but there is no destination youth a life without a destination who ever heard of such a thing who would acknowledge such an unsteady life that bends whichever way the wind blows the kind of life that you speak of which tries to reach a destination may be termed a kinetic Dynamic Life by contrast the kind of dancing life I am talking about could be called an eneral actual active State life youth kinetic eneral philosopher let's refer to Aristotle's explanation ordinary motion which is referred to as Kinesis has a starting point and an end point the movement from the starting point to the end point is optimal if it is carried out as efficiently and as quickly as possible if one can take an Express train there is no need to ride the local one that makes every stop youth in other words if one's destination is to become a lawyer it's best to get there as quickly and efficiently as one can yes and the road one takes to get to that destination is in the sense that one's goal has not yet been reached incomplete this is kinetic life because it's halfway that's right energia on the other hand is a kind of movement in which what is now forming is what has been formed youth what is now forming is what has been formed one might also think of it as movement in which the process itself is treated as the outcome dance is like that and so is a journey ah I'm getting confused what is this about a journey what kind of goal is the act of going on a journey suppose you going on a journey to Egypt would you try to arrive at the Great Pyramid of Giza as efficiently and quickly as possible and then head straight back home by the shortest route one would not call that a journey you should be on a journey the moment you step outside your home and all the moments on the way to your destination should be a journey of course there might be so circumstances that prevent you from making it to the pyramid but that does not mean you didn't go on a journey this is eneral life youth I guess I'm just not getting this weren't you refuting the kind of value system of aiming for the Mountaintop what happens if you liken eneral life to mountain climbing if the goal of climbing a mountain were to get to the top that would be a kinetic act to take it to the extreme it wouldn't matter if you went to the Mountaintop in a helicopter stayed there for 5 minutes or so and then headed back in the helicopter again of course if you didn't make it to the Mountaintop that would mean the mountain climbing expedition was a failure however if the goal is mountain climbing itself and not just getting to the top one could say it is eneral in this case in the end it doesn't matter whether one makes it to the Mountaintop or not youth that sort of argument is just ridiculous you've fallen into a completely self-defeating contradiction before you lose face before the whole wide world I'll cut through your Shameless nonsense once and for all oh I'd be much obliged shine a lights on the Here and Now Youth look in your reputation of iology you rejected focusing on the past you said that the past does not exist and that it has no meaning I acknowledge those points it is true that one cannot change the past if there is something that can be changed it is the future but now by advocating this energia way of living you are refuting planning that is to say you are rejecting even changing one's future of One's Own valtion so while you reject looking back you are rejecting looking forward too it's like you're telling me to just walk blindfolded along a pathless path philosopher you can see neither behind you nor in front of you that's right I can't see isn't that only natural where is the problem here what what are you talking about imagine that you are standing on a theater stage if the house lights are on you'll probably be able to see all the way to the back of the hall but if you're under a bright spot Spotlight you won't be able to make out even the front row that's exactly how it is with our lives it's because we cast a dim light on our entire lives that we are able to see the past and the future or at least we imagine we can but if one is shining a bright Spotlight on here and now one cannot see the past or the future anymore youth a bright Spotlight yes we should live more earnestly only here and now the fact that you think you can see the past or predict the future is proof that rather than living earnestly here and now you are living in a dim Twilight life is a series of moments and neither the past nor the future exist you are trying to give yourself a way out by focusing on the past and the future what happened in the past has nothing whatsoever to do with your Here and Now now and what the future may hold is not a matter to think about here and now if you are living earnestly here and now you will not be concerned with such things but when one adopts the point of view of Freudian ethology one sees Life as a kind of great big story based on cause and effect so then it's all about where and when I was born what my childhood was like the school I attended and the company where I got a job and that decides who I am now and who I will become to be sure likening one's life to a story is probably an entertaining job the problem is one can see the dimness that lies ahead at the end of the story moreover one will try to lead a life that is in line with that story and then one says my life is such and such so I have no choice but to live this way and it's not because of me it's my past it's the environment and so on but bringing up the past here is nothing but a way out a LIF lie however life is a series of dots a series of moments if you can grasp that you will not need a story any longer youth if you put it that way the lifestyle that Adler is advocating is a kind of story too lifestyle is about here and now and is something that one can change of One's Own valtion the life of the past that looks like a straight line only appears that way to you as a result of your making ceaseless resolutions to not change the life that lies ahead of you is a completely blank page and there are no tracks that have been laid for you to follow there is no story there youth but that's just living for the moment or worse of vicious Hedonism no to shine a spotlight on here and now is to go about doing what one can do now earnestly and conscientiously the greatest life lie youth to live earnestly and conscientiously philosopher for example one wants to get into a university but one makes no attempt to study this an attitude of not living earnestly here and now of course maybe the entrance examination is still far off maybe one is not sure what needs to be studied or how thoroughly and one finds it Troublesome however it is enough to do do it little by little every day one can work out some mathematical formulas one can memorize some words in short one can dance the dance by doing so one is sure to have a sense of this is what I did today this is what today this single day was for clearly today is not for an entrance examination in the distant future and the same thing would hold true for your father too he was likely dancing earnestly the dance of his everyday work he lived earnestly here and now without having a grand objective or the need to achieve that objective and if that was the case it would seem that your father's life was a happy one are you telling me to affirm that way of living that I should accept my father's constantly work burdened existence there is no need to make yourself airm it only instead of seeing his life as a line that he reached start seeing how he lived it see the moments of his life the moments and the same may be said with regard to your own life you set objectives for the distant future and think of now as your Preparatory period you think I really want to do this and I'll do it when the time comes this is a way of living that postpones life as long as we postpone life we can never go anywhere and will only pass our days one after the next in dull monotony because we think of here and now as just a preparatory period it's a time for patience but a here and now in which one is studying for an entrance examination in the distant future for example is the real thing youth okay okay I'll accept that I can certainly accept living earnestly here and now and not setting up some fabricated line but I don't have any dreams or objectives in my life I don't know what dance to do my Here and Now is nothing but utterly useless moments philosopher not having objectives or the like is fine living earnestly Here and Now is itself a dance one must not get too serious please do not confuse Being Earnest with being too serious be Earnest but not too serious that's right life is always simple not something that one needs to get too serious about if one is living each moment earnestly there is no need to get too serious and there is another thing I would like you to keep in mind when one has adopted an eneral Viewpoint life is always complete it's complete if your life or mine for that matter were to come to an end here and now it would not do to refer to either of them as unhappy the life that ends at the age of 20 and the life that ends at 90 are both complete lives and lives of Happiness youth so if I have lived earnestly here and now those moments will always be complete philosopher exactly now I have used the word LIF lie again and again throughout our discussion I would like to conclude by talking about the greatest lifely of all please do the greatest lifely of all is to not live here and now it is to look at the past and the future casted dim light on one's entire life and believe that one has been able to see something until now you have turned away from the here and now and only Shone a light on inventing pasts and Futures you have told a great lie to your life to these Irreplaceable moments oh okay so Cast Away the life fly and fearlessly shine a bright Spotlight on here and now that is something you can do youth that is something I can do do you think I have in me the courage to live out these moments earnestly without resorting to the lifeline philosopher since neither the past nor the future exist let's talk about now it's not yesterday or tomorrow that decides it it's here and now give meaning to seemingly meaningless life you youth what are you saying philosopher I think this discussion has now reached the Waters Edge whether you drink the water or not is entirely up to you youth ah maybe Adan psychology and your philosophy are actually changing Me Maybe I am trying to let go of my resolve not to change and choose a new way of living a new lifestyle but wait there is one last thing I'd like to ask and what would that be when life is taken as a series of moments as existing only Here and Now what meaning could it possibly have for what was I born and for what am I enduring this life of hardship until I reach my last gasp the point of it all is beyond me philosopher what is the meaning of life what are people living for when when someone posed these questions to Adler this was his answer life in general has no meaning life is meaningless the world in which we live is constantly beset by all manner of horrendous events and we exist with the ravages of war and natural disasters all around us when confronted by the fact of children dying in the turmoil of War there is no way one can go on about the meaning of life in other words there is no meaning in using generalizations to talk about life but being confronted by such incomprehensible tragedies without taking any action is tantamount to affirming them regardless of the circumstances we must take some form of action we must stand up to K's inclination youth yes philosopher now suppose one experiences a major natural disaster and one's response is to look back at the past in an eological Manner and say what could have caused such a thing to happen how meaningful would that be an experience of hardship should be an opportunity to look ahead and think what can I do from now on I agree entirely and Adler having stated that life in general has no meaning then continues whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individual assigned to it by the individual what does that mean during the war my grandfather was firebombed and his face was severely burned in every way it was a horrendous and inhumane event it would certainly have been within the realm of possibility for him to choose a lifestyle with the perspective of the world is a horrible place or people are my enemies however when my grandfather rode the the Train on visits to the hospital there were always other passengers who would give up their seats for him this is something I heard about through my mother so I do not know how he actually felt but this is what I believe my grandfather chose a lifestyle with the perspective of people are my comrades and the world is a wonderful place that is exactly what Adler is pointing to when he says whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individ idual so life in general has no meaning whatsoever but you can assign meaning to that life and you are the only one who can assign meaning to your life then please tell me how can I assign proper meaning to a meaningless life I do not have the confidence yet you are lost in your life why are you lost you are lost because you are trying to choose Freedom that is to say a path on which you are not afraid of being disliked by others and you are not living others lives a path that is yours alone that's right I want to choose happiness and choose Freedom when one attempts to choose Freedom it is only natural that one may lose one's way at this juncture Adan psychology holds up a guiding Star as a grand compass pointing to a life of Freedom a guiding star just like the Trav who relies on the North Star in our lives we need a guiding star that is the Adan psychology way of thinking it is an expansive ideal that says as long as we do not lose sight of this compass and keep on moving in this direction there is happiness where is that star it is contribution to others huh contribution to others no matter what moments you are living or or if there are people who dislike you as long as you do not lose sight of The Guiding star of I contribute to others you will not lose your way and you can do whatever you like whether you're disliked or not you pay it no mind and live free youth if I have the star of contribution to others high in the sky above me I will always have happiness and comrades by my side then let's dance in Earnest the moments of the here and now and live in Earnest do not look at the past and do not look at the future one lives each complete Moment Like A Dance there is no need to compete with anyone and one has no use for destinations as long as you are dancing you will get somewhere youth a somewhere that no one else knows philosopher that is the nature of eneral life if if I look back on my own life up to now no matter how I try I will never arrive at a satisfactory explanation as to why I am here and now though at one time the study of Greek philosophy was my focus before long I took up the study of Adian psychology in tandem with it and here I am today deep in conversation with you my Irreplaceable friend it is the result of having danced the moments that is the only way to explain it when you have danced here and now in Earnest and to the full that is when the meaning of your life will become clear to you it will I I believe you yes please believe through my many years living with Adler's thought there is something I have noticed and that is it is that the power of one person is great or rather father my power is immeasurably great what do you mean well in other words if I change the world will change this means that the world can be changed only by me and no one else will change it for me the world that has appeared to me since learning of Adan psychology is not the world I once knew youth if I Chang the world will change no one else will change the world for me philosopher it is similar to the shock experienced by someone who after many years of being nearsighted puts on glasses for the first time previously indistinct outlines of the world become well defined and even the colors are more Vivid furthermore it is not only a part of one's visual field that becomes clear but the entire visible world world I can only imagine how happy you will be if you have a similar experience youth ah if only I'd known I wish I'd known this 10 years ago or even just 5 years ago if only I had known 5 years ago before I got a job no that is not the case you say you wish you had known this 10 years ago it is because Adler's thought resonates with you now that you are thinking this no one knows how you would have felt about it 10 years ago this discussion was something that you needed to hear now yes I certainly did one more time I give you the words of Adler someone has to start other people might not be cooperative but that is not connected to you my advice is this you should start with with no regard to whether others are Cooperative or not youth I cannot tell yet if it is I who have changed or if it is the world that I can see from that vantage point that has changed but there is one thing I can say with conviction Here and Now is shining brightly yes it is so bright that I can see almost nothing of Tomorrow philosopher I believe that you have drunk the water so young friend who walks ahead shall we walk together youth I believe you too yes let's walk together and thank you for all your time thank you too youth I hope you will not mind if at some point I visit you here again yes as an Irreplaceable friend and I won't be saying anything anything more about taking apart your arguments philosopher at last you have shown me a Young Person's smile well it's quite late already let's pass our own nights and greet the new morning the young man slowly tied his shoelaces and left the Philosopher's house on opening the door a snowy scene spread out before him the full moon its floating form obscured Illuminating the shimmering whiteness at his feet what clear air what dazzling light I am going to tread on this fresh snow and take my first step the young man drew a deep breath rubbed the slight stubble on his face and murmured emphatically the world is simple and life is too afterwards in life there are Encounters in which a book one happens to pick up one day ends up completely altering one's landscape the following morning it was the winter of 1999 and I was a youth in my 20s when I had the great Fortune of encountering such a book at a Bookshop in ibukuro this was Ichiro kishimi Adora Shinu Nong introduction to Adan psychology here was a form of thought profound in every way yet conveyed in simple language that seemed to overturn our accepted wisdoms at their very Roots a cernic revolution that denied trauma and converted itology into teleology having always felt something unconvincing in the discourses of the freudians and jungians I was affected very deeply who was this Alfred Adler how had I never known of his existence before I purchased every single book by or about Adler that I could get my hands on and became completely engrossed and read them over and over again but I was struck then by a certain fact what I was interested in was not solely Adan psychology but rather something that had emerged through the filter of the philosopher Ichiro kishimi it was kishimi Adler studies that I was seeking grounded in the thought of Socrates and Plato and other ancient Greek philosophers the Adian psychology that kashimi conveys to us reveals Adler as a thinker a philosopher whose work went far beyond the confines of Clinical Psychology for instance the statement it is only in Social contexts that a person becomes an individual is positively hegelian in his laying emphasis on subjective interpretation over objective truth he Echoes Nature's worldview and ideas recalling the phenomenology of Hur and haa are in abundance Adan psychology which draws inspiration from these philosophical insights to Proclaim all problems are interpersonal relationship problems people can change and be happy From This Moment onward and the problem is not one of ability but of courage was to utterly change the world viw of this rather confused youth nevertheless there was almost no one around me who had heard of Adan psychology eventually it occurred to me that I would like to make a book someday with kishimi that would be a definitive edition of Adian psychology kashimi Adler studies and I contacted one editor after another and waited impatiently for the opportunity to arise it was in March 2010 that I was at last able to meet with kishimi who lives in Kyoto more than 10 years had passed since my first reading of introduction to Adan psychology when kashimi said to me then Socrates thought was conveyed by Plato I would like to be a Plato for Adler without a second thought I answered then I will be a Plato for you Mr kashimi and that is how this book was conceived one one aspect of Adler's simple and Universal ideas is that there are times when he may seem to be stating the obvious while at others he is likely to be regarded as espousing utterly unrealizable idealistic theories accordingly in this book in hopes of focusing on any doubts that might be harbored by the reader I have adopted the format of a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man as is implied in this narrative it is not a simple thing to make the ideas of Adler one's own and put them into practice there are points that make one want to rebel statements that are difficult to accept and proposals that one may struggle to grasp but the ideas of Adler have the power to completely change a person's life just like they did for me over a decade ago then it is only a question of Having the courage to take a step forward in closing I'd like to express my deep gratitude to Ichiro kishimi who never treated me as a disciple even though I was much younger than he but met me forthrightly as a friend to the editor yoshifumi kakiuchi for his steadfast unstinting supported every step of the way and last but not least to all the readers of This Book thank you very much fumitake Koga more than half a century has passed since the death of Adler and the times still cannot catch up with the freshness of his ideas though compared to Freud or Yung the name Adler is little known in Japan today Adler's teachings are said to be a communal Quarry that anyone can excavate something from and though his name often goes unmentioned the influence of his teachings has spread far and wide I had been studying philosophy ever since my late teens and it it was around the time my child was born when I was in my early 30s that I first encountered Adian psychology new demonic Theory which investigates the question what is happiness is one of the central themes of Western philosophy I had spent many years pondering this question when I attended the lecture where I first learned of Adan psychology on hearing the lecture a declare from his Podium those who have listened to my talk today will be able to change and be happy From This Moment onward I felt repulsed but at the same time it dawned on me that I had never thought deeply about how I myself can find happiness and with the notion that finding happiness itself was perhaps easier than I'd imagined I took an interest in Adian psychology in this way I came to study Adan psychology side by side with philosophy I soon realized however that I could not study them separately as two distinct fields for instance the idea of teleology far from being something that appeared suddenly in Adler's time is present in the philosophy of Plato and Aristotle it became clear to me that Adan Psychology was a way of thinking that lay in the same vein as Greek philosophy moreover I noticed that the dialogues that Socrates engaged in with youths which Plato recording in writing for posterity could be said to correspond very closely to the counseling practice today though many people think of philosophy as something difficult to understand Plato's dialogues do not contain any specialized language it is strange that philosophy should be something that is discussed using words understood only by Specialists because in its original meaning philosophy refers not to wisdom itself but to love of wisdom and it is the very process of learning what one does not know and arriving at wisdom that is important whether or not one attains wisdom in the end is not an issue a person reading Plato's dialogues today may be surprised to find that the dialogue concerning courage for instance ends without arriving at any conclusion the youths engaged in dialogues with Socrates never agree with what he says at the outset they refute his statements thoroughly this book is continuing in the tradition of philosophy philosophy since Socrates and that is why it follows the format of a dialogue between a philosopher and a youth upon learning of Adan psychology which is another philosophy I became dissatisfied with the way of living of the researcher who only reads and interprets the writings of his predecessors I wanted to engage in dialogues in the way that Socrates did and eventually I began to practice counseling at Psychiatry clinics and other venues in doing so though I met many youths all of these youths wanted to live sincerely but many of them were people who had been told by worldly jaded Elders to be more realistic and on the verge of giving up on their dreams people who had been through arduous experiences of being entangled in interpersonal relationships that were complicated precisely because they were pure wanting to live sincerely is an important thing but it is not enough on its own Adler tells us that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems but if one does not know how to build good interpersonal relationships one may end up trying to satisfy other people's expectations and unable to communicate out of fear of hurting other people even when one has something to assert one may end up abandoning what one really wants to do while people may certainly be popular among those those they know and not many people will dislike them perhaps they will end up being incapable of living their own lives to a young person like the youth in this book who has many problems and has already had a harsh Awakening to reality the views put forward by this philosopher that this world is a simple place and that anyone can be happy from this day onward may come as a surprise my psychology is for all people says Adler and dispensing with specialized language much as Plato did he shows us specific steps for improving our interpersonal relationships if Adler's way of thinking is hard to exempt it is because it is a compilation of antitheses to normal social thinking and because to understand it one must put it into practice in everyday life though his words are not difficult there may be a sense of difficulty like that of Imagining the blade aming heat of summer in the dead of winter but I hope that the reader will be able to grasp Keys here to solving their interpersonal relationship problems the day fake Koga my collaborator and writer for this book first visited my study he said I will be a Plato for you Mr kashimi today the reason we can learn about the philosophy of Socrates who left no known writings is that Plato took down his dialogues in written form but Plato did not simply record what Socrates said it is thanks to Plato's correct understanding of his words that Socrates teachings are still conveyed today it is thanks to the exceptional powers of understanding of Koga who persisted in carrying out repeated dialogues with me over a period of several years that this book has seen the light of day both Koga and I often made visits to our teachers in our University days and the youth in this book could be either one of us but more than anyone he is you who picked up this book it is my sincere hope that while our doubts may linger I will be able to support your resolution in all manner of life situations through this dialogue with a philosopher Ichiro kishimi Belinda audio hopes you enjoyed the reading of the courage to be disliked written by Ichiro Kimi and fumitake Koga and read by Adrian M our audio books are becoming increasingly popular among Travelers families and people who are on the go if you really enjoyed this audio book please introduce your friends and family to the experience 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