Transcript for:
Lecture: Unlocking Black Cat Energy for Relationship Success

have you wondered what it really means to have black cat energy how some women have it and some women don't and somehow you're going to attract a golden retriever man with this type of energy it's all very confusing but here's the thing it does work and I'm a man saying that so on today's show we're going to discuss exactly how you can have black cat energy and how the men respond to that in a way that will allow you to have them Wrapped Around Your Finger welcome to the Players Club if you're paying attention to me and everyone else in the live stream please say here a present so I know you're here present and actively participating Welcome All You Beautiful People okay good to see you we got our two moderators uh here uh right on time we got sh and shice here okay we also got Mia here welcome Mia um Welcome All You Beautiful People Got Missy America holding down the YouTube chat we got Enlighten a of course one of our uh chat OG's uh we also got uh Tosh here we got Ashley here um we got so many more here Lily's here Welcome All You Beautiful People it's good to see you we got Scotty in the Tik Tok chat I remember Scotty Scotty be participating okay um welcome to All of You Beautiful People let's get started and we'll discuss as time goes on okay so number one in order to have black canat energy you need to be elusive okay now I'm not just talking about being elusive by not texting him back we've talked about texting we've talked about why you need to stay off the phone and not be a texaholic okay when I'm also talking about being elusive is I this is going to sound strange it's going to sound weird if you haven't heard someone talk like this before I want you to stop being so eager to tell men everything that you're thinking and feeling and especially not be so eager to tell men exactly what you desire okay I know this sounds very strange because you're like well if I'm building a relationship with someone shouldn't I be telling them all about me shouldn't I be telling them everything I'm feeling shouldn't I be telling them uh and and making it clear to them everything I want and all that good stuff so he can be that here's the thing I want you to UND I'm going to explain black cat energy but I also want you to I want the idea of the black cat to stay with you I want the feeling that you get when you think of a black cat to stay with you because that will help to guide you when you're thinking about how and why you should be making particular decisions okay so when I say that what I mean is the analogy of the black cat I want you to think about its Elegance I want you to think about its shiny black coat I want you to think about the mystery involved I'm talking about like a Le like a panther like a large black cat not a small one a large the mystery involved in being such a uh um uh um An Elegant large mysterious figure that kind of lurks in the shadows and you feel like you saw it but it wasn't there but I see the eyes but is that it and it's gone just before I could even catch it and I never know when it's there and it's just it's just full of mystery and wonder um and I just want to know more about it okay the interesting black cat that only seems to show up and things happen and then the Black Cat's gone and I can't see it again and I spend time thinking about when it's going to come back again okay now when I say that and I give that analogy I want you to be thinking about that as I'm describing all of these different things because it'll help crystallize to you why this energy gets this specific type of golden retriever um response from the men and if you haven't noticed already you want your man to be like a golden retriever you want your man I said it in yesterday's show you want your man to be like a Pik Misha okay so everything I tell you not to be in terms of being a Pik Misha you want to be doing things that will um stimulate him to become the Pik Misha because when he's the Pik Misha then you get to get exactly what you want exactly how you want it uh for as long as you feel like getting it and you don't even have to lift a finger that's the amazing part about it but the even better part about it is when your man becomes the Pik Misha in the relationship or in this case it becomes the golden retriever he's seeking out your approval he's chasing after you but that's the natural Dynamic and flow of things and so when he's in that position he actually feels the deepest in his masculine and when you're in that position of receiving you're like the black cat you feel the deepest in your feminine because like I say to you guys you're doing what you're observing you're relaxing and you're listening okay like you're receiving okay so um when I talk about being elusive like I said I'm not just talking about not texting on the phone and not being available on the phone I'm also talking about being elusive in the sense that not giving away the secrets to you and what you're looking for why because it forces the men who are truly interested in you and really actually want to pursue you puts them in a position where if I truly am that interested in you I have to do things take action to try to figure out what gets the best response from you this is how you start turning the guys that you like in the golden retrievers because they start thinking to themselves how can I do more to impress you more do you like when I run around like this do you like when we play catch if I chase the ball and I do the right and he's thinking how he can do more to impress press you more and and all his thoughts and and brain power is going on trying to prove himself to you the problem is when you're not elusive in the sense that you just give away all your secrets you tell him everything you're thinking everything you're feeling everything you want from him everything you want from a man everything you want in a relationship he thinks to himself well cool I have those answers so I know if I want to trick her or if I want to impress her I just do those things and while that might feel good to you for him to do those things it doesn't require a lot of brain or thought power and you don't set up this dynamic in which he's constantly chasing after you and you're sitting back relaxing and allowing him to show you how many back flips he can do in a row and you clap and say oh that's a good job that's a good job what a good job good boy good boy right you want him to be chasing after that that that's what you want him that's what you want from him you want him to be chasing after your approval you and your approval are one and the same so you want to put set up a situation in which you're the Black Cat and your golden retriever man is chasing after you and your approval because then you get to set the stage for what how it is that you want him to act or what it is that you expect from him and when you are elusive it only forces people who are interested in you to take a step in it's the same idea as if I started whispering like I was real quiet like this right let's say me and you are in person right and we're talking talking and I go from talking at a normal level and I start whispering what's going to happen you're going to lean in you're going to lean in closer to trying and hear more you're going to lean in and try to try to understand the words that I'm speaking but if I'm speaking loud and if I'm projecting my voice you're not necessarily going to need to lean in you're not going to need to try to hang on to every word and focus on every word that I'm saying to understand what it is that I'm saying you can kind of tune me out if I'm talking at a regular level and you can still get the gist in the understanding of what's being said but the moment I start whispering now all of a sudden you've got to lean in but it's the same idea right when you're elusive it forces people who are interested in you to lean in and try to actually know more about you and try to better understand you and try to figure you out and so you begin that cycle where they are chasing after you and your approval trying to understand you trying to see what you need trying to see what your wants are trying to scope out what your desires are and it works out in your favor so you want to be Elusive and not be so eager to tell men hey you know I love when a man buys me flowers if you could get me flowers that would actually make me feel so amazing and you and if you did this for me and I just wish you know a man's never done this for me and a man's never done that for me if you could just do this for me I can't believe I've never had a man take me out to a fancy like let him show you that because his interest in you right motivates him and pushes him to say I want to do more in order to get more access to her okay and we'll talk about access and we'll talk about um specifically how you need to be deep within you so that the men can then in turn chase after you okay so being elusive is number one so I'll give you an example of what I mean by being elusive okay so let's say you're on a date with a guy and he's asking you what you're looking for in a guy when I'm talking about being elusive I'm also talking about being vague so that those guys can start chasing after those answers all right so when I talk about being a a black cat and I say be elusive if a guy asks you what you want out of a guy or what you're looking for in a guy I want you to be vague I know it makes no sense I know you feel like it's counterproductive I know that is counterintuitive but I want you to understand when you're vague and someone's interested in you it forces them to do work in order to get those answers okay if they want to know what you're looking for in a guy they start thinking to themselves well you're not really telling me anything you're looking for in a guy so I'm going to have to figure out what you're looking for in a guy by doing everything I think you would want in a guy by better understanding you by learning you and just that fast you've created a scenario in which he's thinking about you he's thinking about your needs he's thinking about your wants and desires and in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires his focus is on you and on you solely and his focus is on how to try to improve himself for you that you will be proud of him yay you're a good boy I like you now and that's where you want him to be okay uh CMS says yeah like you say something super vague I like funny guys I like nice guys I like gentlemen things that really could apply to anyone in any scenario okay and let him continue to figure out what it is that you're actually seeking and let his interest motivate him to actually seek that out right this is why you kind of you almost have to use you have to use men's approach and energy against them what I mean by that is you have to use the fact that if he's approaching you assuming you didn't go up to him assuming you didn't go up to him and assuming you didn't initiate conversation and assuming you didn't take the man's role assuming you're still in your feminine because he approached you and you allowed him to approach you you want to take that and use that to your advantage by allowing him to uh continue to pursue you by not giving him too much and keep and continuously giving him space that you can utilize the fact that he's interested in you and wants to get to know you more by allowing there to be more things that he has to actually get to know and understand about you the black cat is mysterious okay that's what that's also what we're talking about when we're talking about black cat energy the black cat doesn't just blurt out everything they think and feel and and then want and and you're just you're just a dumpster fire of emotions and Trauma dumping okay that's not what you are as a black cat you're elusive you're mysterious you're to yourself and because of that other people want to know and discover more about you it's a very powerful way to approach life and relationships okay I know some of you guys are like mystery that's playing games if you're trying to be purposely mysterious you're just playing games it just it doesn't make sense just be upfront and just tell people exactly what you think and feel here's the reality okay I'll give you I'll give you a little dose of reality before we hop in here to number two here's the reality the more upfront and honest with people you are I know that people will say even guys will tell you I would just like you to be just super blunt with me tell me exactly how you feel tell me exactly what you want tell me exactly what you're thinking lay it all out for me don't play games right guys will tell you that and they'll encourage you to do that and then eventually after you do that and try your hardest to be that you'll realize they're very uninterested in you and they end up chasing after the girls who are the most mysterious and barely seem to like them so yes people might say that's what they want yes that might be the healthy way to go about it but in reality you won't see many results that way or at the very least your results won't be as powerful as when you actually be strategic about being mysterious and Elusive and then the and then the men are hungry hungry hungry hungry hyenas for you okay so being elusive was number one now being yourself is number two now I know on the surface this sounds pretty straightforward Oh Be Yourself you should just be you everyone just be yourself okay what I mean by be yourself is there is a n natural inclination that you have as a woman to serve your man nothing wrong with that okay there's difference between serving your boyfriend or your husband and serving a random stranger that you just started dating okay the thing that I mean when I say Be Yourself I want you to be more cautious of trying to make so many adjustments in you and your personality to fit the mold of what a guy wants from you okay when we're talking about black cat energy a black cat is to itself and involved in itself it's not worried about other people and it's mysterious which is why other people are worried about the the black cat be yourself means that you need to be identifying and focused on what you are and not trying to change and adjust yourself to be someone who someone else wants you to be because similarly to the be be elusive where other people will tell you hey you should just come out and tell me exactly what you think or feel you should just come out and tell me all your feelings and all your desires and all your wants because that makes it easy for me in reality it just makes it uh less painful for me to have to discover that or chase you around that's what the guys want and it's the same thing when we talk about be yourself um you know when you're yourself and you're just you and you don't try to fit the mold and be what someone else What specifically what another guy wants you to be people will try to convince you that that's being difficult people will try to convince you that you're uh you know you're playing too hard to get you're playing a game because you don't just want to capitulate and do exactly what he wants you to do or make the exact adjustment that he wants you to make but in reality when you're being more of yourself you actually um let out the secure energy that people become attracted to you let out confidence that people become attracted specifically men become attracted to because as you try to change and adjust and change and adjust and change and adjust to be more likable to the guy that you're dating he only ends end up liking you less that's not black cat energy actually you're the golden retriever in that in that sense because you're the golden retriever because you're thinking about how can I seek out your approval how can I do more so that you'll like me how can I do more so that you'll want me more okay news flash to you in every in majority of relationships there is one black cat and there is one golden retriever really and truly a man could be either one and a woman could be either one and some of you are golden retrievers and what we're trying to do in the Players Club is we're trying to turn you into black cats cuz you can't have two black cats in a relationship and you can't have two Golden Retrievers in a relationship one one person's got to be it and the other person's got to be the other okay so if you're to yourself if you're being yourself then you're not seeking out someone else's approval because you don't need someone else's approval to be you you don't need someone else's approval to be more of yourself you're already that because that's what you want and that's what you need okay and the more you are that the more your confidence will be oozing through your pores because you have Security in who you are what you stand for and other people see that security and they say oh I'm attracted to that security I'm attracted to that confidence because you don't have confidence if you don't have value or sorry you have confidence if you have value but you don't have confidence if you don't have value I said that that's what I said okay right does that make sense so you never try to adjust parts of your personality or change to be more likable or accepted by the guy instead you be more of yourself not worry about what other people want or what they find likable or acceptable right and in the process of that people will be attracted to who you are this is why it's so important and we'll talk about this in a second this is why it's so important to detach yourself from the idea that it has to be one specific person because it makes it a lot easier to just be you and allow who's attracted to you to be attracted to you okay so right uh because in the process of you being more of what other people want you to be they'll eventually get disinterested in you anyways and they'll look to the people who aren't interested in trying to mold or shape their personality to be more of what other people want they'll be attracted to the people specifically the guys will be more attracted to the women who are trying to be more of themselves and they're going to say I like you I want to join you on your train wherever it's going okay so being elusive is number one being yourself is number two number three let's discuss letting go now I talked about this just a little bit earlier when I talked about you you specifically need to let go of your desire to control people this is going to sound strange to some of you here's the thing when you get into a relationship with a guy or a talking stage naturally when you become attached to the idea that you want this relationship to work out you're going to want to control him by turning him more into the guy that you're looking for because you want the guy that you're looking for to be him rather than identifying what you're already looking for and seeing if that person is him see part of letting go is developing your black cat energy where you don't need people to be anything for you however you still know what it is you're looking for and when you find that that is where you will spend your time and your energy if you do not find that or in the process of you learning and growing in a relationship you realize that this is not that you then retract your energy okay see the most valuable thing that you have as a woman especially when you're trying to embody this black cat energy is your ability to give people more or take away more of your energy that is your power see in that you don't have to lift a finger in that you don't have to yell in that you don't even have to try to control people and force them to be something that they're not or that they don't even intend to be see because when people are interested in you when people are fascinated by you when people are chasing and pursuing you and chasing and pursuing your approval the moment you withdraw yourself from people that becomes everything that you need it to be to motivate someone specifically a golden retriever in this case to motivate a man to say oh you're you're retreating from me you're withdrawing from me I need to know what I must do to fix that so that I can continue getting access to you and so that you don't continue to withdraw from me and see when it's like that when you're in that scenario when you have that type of approach and that type of dynamic you don't have to say anything you don't have to do anything except withdraw this is why I say one of the most beautiful things about how to make a man fall in love is you really just do nothing and the more of nothing you do the more you literally just have to withdraw yourself as they do something that you don't like or you don't approve and you give yourself uh your energy to the people who are embodying what it is that you're looking for and what it is that you want okay so you have to let go of your in um instinctual desire to control people and mold them and turn them into what it is that you're looking for or to try to turn them turn this relationship that you have with them into the relationship that you actually want instead you do nothing likewe just said you do nothing and you allow men and they're interest in you to motivate them to be who they sorry to be who you need them to be literally do nothing you need you always need to be holding on to your leverage as much as you possibly can and the fact that if you're doing this right that means you started off the relationship with him approaching you him being interested in you now obviously there's going to be guys that you find fascinating there's going to be guys that you think are cute and things like that but assuming you start off the relationship with him taking the initiative right that's him saying hey I like you I want to get to know you more hold that hold that hold on to that for dear life don't let go of that see the problem is this the anxiety uh that you a lot of you guys are struggling with where you feel like oh I just need to do more so that you'll like me more oh I feel like I'm losing out on you oh I need this relationship to work so bad because no guy will ever love me ever again if you don't love me right now in the second right that anxiety that's just rolling through you and steamrolling you is hurting all of your relationships because you can't let go and allow someone to be who they intend to be with you and you put yourself in a very painful situation where you end up as the golden retriever because your desire to to turn them into what you're looking for right starts putting you in a position where you're like oh but you don't do this and oh but you don't do that and and why don't you treat me well and and why don't you like me and why don't you love me and why don't you see me and why don't you appreciate and you're just you're you're you're a ball of anxiety everywhere you go you're up and down all the time right but when you let go and specifically you let go of your desire to control and you let go of the idea that it has to be them you also allow yourself to let go of the of the roller coaster of emotions that you'll feel when things are going super well and things are going not so well okay because your your life right you as in an emotional state there's nothing wrong with being emotional but you shouldn't be on a roller coaster where you're super up one day and then you're down in the dumps another day there has to be a happy medium that you can exist in that allows people to be drawn to you I I'll be the first to tell you men are not drawn to PE to women who are on emotional roller coasters like this up one day and they're down the next day yeah cool that might be a a toxic cycle but you can't be you can't exude confidence when the smallest trigger will set you off you didn't text me for an hour you don't love me anymore do you do you like be so for real do you think guys are going to be attracted be so for real how are guys supposed to be attracted to that you said you were going to call me at 9:00 p.m. you you you haven't called me it's 9:03 what are you doing are you cheating on me how are guys supposed to be attracted to that okay what does that show him you're not a black hatat you're not elusive in fact you're very needy in fact you're a lot like a golden retriever that will sleep in my bed and lick my face in the morning and stare at me until it's time to go to the park your entire day and life consist of looking for what it is that I want to do with you next as soon as I leave the house your life is literally boring until I enter the house again like a dog okay you don't want to be that right right think of this idea as well have you ever noticed that maybe some of you have some weird cats but have you noticed that most of you that have cats when you walk into the room the the cat usually goes somewhere else or the cat goes and does something a cat is disinterested in what the humans have going on but the dog will be waiting at the door with the tongue on at the door right ready ready for you to walk into the door it's like it's like his life has literally been on pause and on hold until you walk back in the door and like his life can't start until you get back into the door and get back into the house because that's when things become interesting but the cat's like yo I was I was doing my own thing like actually now that you're here it's kind of bothering me cuz I was really happy just doing my own thing if you could if you could please not be in the same room as me okay right that's how some some cats maybe might be like dogs but for most cats for most cats I know at least uh they're very much disinterested in humans okay right so and the reason I give you that example is because I want you to start thinking about that when you're thinking about how you want to start caring yourself allow other people to be interested and fascinated with you while your interest and your fascination is within yourself I know it sounds oh what that sounds toxic that doesn't sound like it's very healthy that doesn't sound like you're really going to be building relationships with people do you want the men to chase you or not do you want the men to pursue you or not are you tired of being a Pik Misha or [Music] not which one CU if you're tired of all that and you want to make a change you're going to have to change your approach okay so being elusive number one being yourself number two Letting Go number three number four I want you to begin [Music] observing listen to me okay as you let go and you allow people to show you who you are you actually need to do a good job of observing people see part of your security within yourself as the black cat is knowing what it is that you want and being patient enough to observe people in their uh truest form and see if they're in line with what you're looking for you don't adjust what you're looking for for anyone however you don't freak out if someone that you meet is not what you're looking for let me give you an example let's say you're in a relationship with a guy and you know hey I'm really looking for a gentleman who will buy me flowers and and and talk to me nice and take me out on fancy dinners okay that's what you really want like a really sweet gentleman uh uh to you you're really seeking that someone that really is a traditional man and all that good stuff cool and in the process of that you're this guy uh that you're on a date with he goes uh you know I just think you know Bills should be paid 50/50 if anything you know if you're making more money or if I want to do something you know you should be paying even more bills and d d and you should be taking become part of the household and you should go to work but you should still come back home and cook and clean and all that good stuff instead of freaking out on people and being you're so wrong I can't believe you would do that I can't believe you would say that you're this is not how you treat a woman why are you trying to treat me like this this is such a disrespect no no no no no no no no no you sit back you relax You observe and you let people show you who they are in the process of them showing you who you who they are you don't get overly emotional about about it you don't get super down about it you just allow it to be and you just allow it to exist because you're a black cat who is fine with your life either way and if he's in your life your life is good if he's not in your life the life is still good and so it doesn't really matter what he thinks or what he feels if it's not in line with what you're looking for but the process of figuring out that he's not what you're looking for doesn't upset you doesn't uh uh uh let you down it doesn't get you emotional or get you uh you know uh outside of yourself it just is and you allow it to be because you're here for what you're here for and you're not here for anything else okay I'll be honest with you men find that fact fascinating because they're used to being able to trigger women just just like that if I say one thing I can trigger you if I say this or if I do this thing I can trigger you and you know why it's so powerful to be able to know how easy it is to trigger a woman I'll tell you the truth because if I know how easy it is to trigger you then I also know how easy it is to manipulate you I also know that you're weak not talking about physically I weak mentally because the more emot I can get you the more I can trigger you the more I can manipulate you to do what it is that I want you to do because then it all becomes about manipulating those emotions in the way that I want to manipulate them at the times that I want to manipulate them to see the response and the result that I want to see which is actually ironic because that's what I'm teaching you all to do is to stay observant stay relaxed stay centered and I'm also giving you advice on things on how to keep yourself centered that in the process of meeting these people in the process of dating these guys you can continue to stay grounded and not be swayed by all these tricks and games and confusion and back and forth and you can stay focused on what it is you're here for and stay focused on if this is not what you're here for then you walk away okay does that make sense to you guys right I want to make sure we're still on the P same page someone said you're muted am I muted you all you all should still be able to hear me okay so you want to be observing let's say for example um you can hear okay okay uh let's say for example you have a boyfriend who all of a sudden actually I kind of gave guys the example I was going to give you guys the example but I already gave it um the example of the guy uh who all of a sudden is wanting to not pay bills and you know go 50/50 and now you're all bent out of shape because you're like you should be like this and it should be like this and you're fighting him and you're fighting this relationship and you're trying to no no no no no no no no let people show you who they are observe who they are and don't be moved or shaken by it because you're only here for what you're here for and as soon as people show you that that this is not what you're here for you allow that to be and you move forward see this is why it's so powerful this is why it's so powerful to not be giving away Squirtle for free okay very powerful because you you you help to keep yourself in a state of control and uh being centered and grounded when you're not anxious that oh my God I just I might I may have just wasted a body okay that's like the number one thing holding a lot of you back because when you give that pineapples away of course course obviously it's decreasing his motivation to continue growing and building the relationship with you but on top of that it's increasing your own anxiety within yourself that you're like oh my God okay now that I've given this away I got to hold on to you because if I don't hold on to you I've literally wasted a whole body I've connected with you on the deepest level I can't let you go now right and as soon as you begin thinking like that and feeling like that it's done for you it's over for you because any slight withdrawal that he makes will now ffect you insanely you'll be like shaking you're like oh my God you're withdrawing now it seems like you're uninterested now I already gave myself to you and I gave you pineapples and you have you had access to my Squirtle but now it looks like you don't like me anymore what can I do more so that you'll like me again can I fix this can I can I crawl on glass for you can I scrub the floor squeaky clean can I cook 10 dishes at once and maybe you'll like me again maybe you'll give me some validation again maybe you'll want to be with me right and it's horrible right it just that snowball it just snowballs and downhill downhill down Hill very fast and you're spiraling and nothing good happens after that okay so that's why you need to stay centered you you need to keep yourself and allow yourself to be centered by doing certain things or not doing certain things to stay centered okay so uh be elusive number one be yourself number two Letting Go number three okay uh number four was observing and number five you need to do a deep dive within yourself did you hear what I just said you do a deep dive deep we going deep today get your mind out of the gutter a deep dive within yourself to figure out what it is that you're about you enjoy what your life is outside of the boy okay you you will never be able to embody black cat energy if your entire life is about that boy what I mean by that is if your entire life becomes his approval and whether or not your relationship is going well and whether or not he likes you today you will be so out of whack on a daily basis it's unreal see because when your whole life becomes the relationship or your whole life becomes the guy anything small that makes you feel like this relationship isn't going exactly how you want it to go will will just throw you for a loop and you'll start spiraling and the men subsequently become less and less and less attracted to you when you start embodying that where anything small can throw you for a loot anything small can get you uh super emotional and get you upset and get you oh my God our relationship's not working out oh my God our relationship doesn't look like I want oh my God you don't love me I'm taking a deep breath because that's how exhausting it is to be with someone like that and it's not the natural state that guys want to be in when they're in a relationship because then they quickly feel like the black cat they quickly feel like the one sitting back observing listening receiving not the one who cares and wants and values you so much that his interest in you is motivating him to continue chasing after you okay remember the analogy of of the black cat that I gave before right it's elusive it's it's it's it's mysterious it's like here and it's there and I can't quite get a grasp on it I don't quite understand it who are you what are you what it what is this right and the feeling that you get that you get or you think of when you think of a black cat a mysterious cat and what makes it intriguing this is why I always tell you guys to be focused on your perception because your perception will drast will drastically control how people approach you and how or if people value you okay Ashley says uh yes my man uh is exhausting to be around at this point right does he do that is he like that do you love me today do you love me yesterday Do You Love Me 3 seconds ago do you love me more than you did 30 seconds ago more than you did 10 seconds ago back up please take a step back please you're smothering me please don't smother me okay you don't want to be like that with people I know some of you have some anxious attachment Styles but I want you to understand you can work on that it's not something that's set in stone you can work on your anxious attachment style and be more like a black cat that men are actually having the space to be interested in you I know some people listen other people are going to tell you that that's toxic to be mysterious on purpose or it's toxic to try to be elusive on purpose or it's toxic to be vague and and and give people anxiety because they want to Chase and pro after you other people will tell you that's toxic but at the end of the day no matter how toxic it is you'll have those guys Wrapped Around Your Finger and those girls thinking that they're too big and above to do that those girls will be searching for answers desperately trying to figure out why the men that they like are looking at you and trying to be with you okay it's funny how this all works because at the beginning a lot of women will say oh I'm not doing this this is toxic oh I'm not doing this this manipulation oh I'm better than that this is not what love or relationship should be about but then the women like you who actually do this and actually embody this right will be getting chased after by all of the men that they like and then they'll come to you and ask you what's your secret you tell them your secret me your secret to the Players Club and all the knowledge that you gain and you understand cuz at the end of the day when you you accept the fact that people are going to treat you the way that they receive you and if you can control people the way people receive you that means you're controlling their perception of you and the more you control that the better off you'll be because you'll get people to approach you the exact way you want them to approach you and you won't have to lift the finger listen to me as a black cat you don't need to scream you don't need to yell you don't need to nag you don't need to complain about behavior all you're doing is your withdrawing your energy from that man and the process of him wanting you being interested in you liking you wanting to build with you want you know caring about you will put him in a position where he becomes compelled to try to figure out what your needs are in order to stop you from withdrawing from you from him this also applies to a relationship like a long-term relationship okay not even just a growing stage where you're growing uh uh and starting to date someone right because as you withdraw from guys and they're interested in you or they're dating you what's going to happen happen is the fact that they care about you and are invested in you they're going to say okay what must I do to fix this what must I adjust in order for you to not be withdrawn from me again and see when they're in that position I think I talked about this yesterday when you have guys in a position where they're on their hands and knees and they're begging for forgiveness or they're begging to gain an understanding of what your needs are or how they can fix this well now you have him in a position in a mind frame where he's ready to receive whatever it is that you want or you're asking for and a lot of you make the mistake of not being the black cat where you put yourself in a position where you're nagging or complaining or trying to force him to be something or complaining about how he's not something trying to uh uh hope that that will fix it or turn the situation around when no matter how much you complain no matter how much you nag you're never going to get him in a position where he's in a mind state to receive that and actually make a change or adjustment people and Men specifically only make changes or adjustments when they've come to the realization that they want to make a change or adjustment to see a different result so when he comes to the realization that I want to be with you so badly and I want to be with you so much because I love you so much that I want to make a change or adjustment so that you're no longer withdrawn from me then you can say anything and all he's thinking about is okay that's exactly what I'm going to do okay does that make sense right uh someone asked why don't you do short Tik toks anymore the reason I don't do short Tik toks I mean I still post Tik toks but they're longer the reason I don't do short 60-second Tik toks anymore is because as deep as we dive into relationships and psychology and the mind state of the man it would be impossible for me to give you any information that's really going to change your life in 60 seconds and so for those of you who want information in 60 seconds or less I advise you to go spend some time with some other creator that will tell you uh something in 30 seconds and hopefully that will change your life forever okay but I feel that the only way I can actually Serve All of You beautiful amazing Souls is by us having deep long conversation in detail where we share ideas and concepts with each other so that you can actually soak it in okay right uh does that make sense to you guys uh uh in in in this right I know I went a little bit quick but I wanted to make sure that I hit all of the points right uh uh Lucy asked a good question how do you do this when you live with them so kind of like I just mentioned before this is something that you can do as you're in a relationship as well now I want you to understand and be aware that if you're living with someone and you've built a specific dynamic in this relationship when you're making a quick adjustment or like a one 180 shift like that if you've been the golden retriever and all of a sudden you're in a relationship and you're trying to become the black cat that's going to be a bit strange to the guy that you're dating okay so he might start to question things he might start to be uncomfortable because the dynamic is quickly shifting and a in a complete opposite direction but I will assure you it all works the same if you're living with a guy you can still do these things like picking up a hobby picking up going and doing some passions okay you're going to have to proba spend less time just waiting on him like a dog right waiting for him to come home from work with your tongue hanging out and then when he comes home from work you use your hands and your mouth and your Squirtle and you're all excited and then your life is only interesting or amazing when he's around okay you're probably going to have to spend some time doing some things that you care about even if he's free to hang out with you you're probably going to have to spend some time and energy taking care of yourself even if what he wants to be around you more and spend more time with you that's going to be a slightly painful adjustment for you and him cuz especially if you're someone who's used to doing the chasing and finally you get someone chasing you your natural instinct is going to be oh finally you're chasing me so I'm going to chase you even more and then he'll pull back again you it's it's it's it's very difficult when you're accustomed to being the golden retriever to actually pull back and then when you start seeing results to just stay calm and continue doing what you've been doing cuz I know for some of you that have even been listening to me for long enough some of the results you've actually been seeing results but the problem is when you see results and the guys start chasing after you especially the guys that you really liked start chasing after you vigorously you want to be like it's working now you actually like me oh my God I'm going to text you a million times oh my God love you so much haven't I told you how much I want to be with you I'm so glad that you finally like me now I'm so glad that we can finally be together now this is so amazing it's like a Disney princess movie right and as soon as you do that he goes oh okay now we're back to normal okay I'm going to pull back now I'm to withdraw again okay it's very difficult so if you're in a relationship like that you can do that you can make that change it's going to be uncomfortable for both of you and you're also going to have to like actually realize it's going to work and like hold your water when it starts working literally just breathe when it starts working because to have a guy that you've been chasing around trying to convince to like you for months and months finally chase you around and be obsessed with you is very strange and you're naturally going to want to like lose your mind but I need you to stay relaxed okay and uh stay centered and stay grounded that when he begins Chasing You vigorously you don't get all out of pocket and then you know just switch the dynamic right back to where it's been before okay right does that make sense uh Vina says I experience this uh it's it happens it happens and I know that it happens because I get a lot of your messages and I see you guys saying like you know even in the Discord you guys saying this advice really works for me and it actually works really really well I'm actually shocked how well this works but the thing about it is I know as it's working some of you are starting to say to yourself this works well so now I'm going to pour myself out to him back again and then he'll pull back again right got to hold your water and stay stay strong Anisha just said it you got to stay strong right and you can do this and and the thing about it is don't let other people convince you that it's toxic because uh you're you're actively understanding how men think and feel and respond and react to things and you're trying to do more or sorry you're doing less so that you can receive more the only people that will tell you that that's manipulation are people who uh aren't getting what they want from the guys cuz the guys sorry the the the women who are getting exactly what they want from the guys realize why this works and how it can work so well that you know everyone's happy cuz like I said before when guys can be the golden retriever uh chasing after you uh to um chasing after you they're actually happy because they get to be in their masculine and they get to uh work for your approval and feel like they're actually earning something okay you want guys to feel like they're actually earning you and working for you is it is it glitching for you guys still on on uh Tik Tok that's very strange says my says my network is fine here here okay am I freezing still uh so that's that's that that is that so um do you guys have any other questions about what we discussed I know I went a little bit fast but I wanted to we have a lot of Discord questions to get to and I want to get to them today by the way if you have a a Discord question for me please feel free to go into the Tik Tok chat or sorry the Tik Tok chat the my Tik Tok bio or go into uh the Discord I pinned it right at the top and also it's down in the description below if you want it as well okay uh so I'll give you guys the Five Points that we discussed today so be elusive be yourself let go observe and a deep dive if you want to you know actually listen to them all of them again just go over to my YouTube my YouTube is right on top of my uh face at the top right there just type in my name on YouTube I'm live on Tik Tok and YouTube simultaneously so you can go and find it there and even when I finish this live stream it will be available for you to watch in its entirety there so don't fret if you missed some points or you came late you can still find this entire live stream there on my YouTube and you can rewatch it and get all the information okay um everyone else has been here which you should have been and uh they have gotten that information MP says what about long distance this can theoretically work in Long Distance the only reason I say theoretically is because I know for a fact that majority of you talking about long distance are in a penp pal relationship and it actually makes me sick and I'm tired of all of you being in penp pal relationships where you're just in a relationship with a guy that you text and talk to on the phone casually with no real intention of ever seeing each other in real life there's no plan there's no schedule to actually meet up in real life it's just chitchat over the Internet okay and that's why I say when some of you be like oh but what about my longdistance relationship you're not in a long-distance relationship you have a pen pal there's a difference okay all the things that I talk about can still apply in a actual long-distance relationship which you actually have a real life connection don't make me mad some of you don't have a real life connection with the person you're talking about a longdistance relationship with okay user said what's considered long distance though that's that's my thing you see okay I would consider anything long distance where you physically cannot see each other more than at least once a week that that is what I would consider long distance so if for whatever reason it's feasible for you to see each other more than once a week like it actually feasible just means like it's actually realistic and possible that I don't consider that long distance so just because they live an hour away that's not long distance because you can still see someone at least once a week multiple times a week even if uh they live an hour away all right Anisha says let's be so for real it's it it bothers me cuz some of you guys I know you guys want help and advice but some of you guys are in pen pal situations not a longdistance relationship okay so with that being said [Applause] [Music] Discord let's go let's go let's do this I'm hyped up man I'm hyped up man let's do this like like like a rush man I needed this man I needed this today let's get into the Discord let's see what these people have to say man I love you guys so much I love being in the Discord so much I love the Discord so much let's get right to it man I got to do this oh it's my favorite time of the day okay let's do it okay uh so first we have m m says how do I get out of this part two all right let's let's see how you get out of this okay uh m says he he is 20 he ignored me you're 23 in class the first day of school again University okay uh I sent him the following text before I will send you the ring oh this is ring girl that bought a ring for a guy she doesn't even really like very weird but you have to go back on that to see that message anyways she said I will send you the ring but I didn't uh send it to him but instead I returned the ring back to the seller so now I still have the earring he gave me should I return them or uh to him or keep them sorry let me just uh fix this here on my okay sorry uh so you said should I return the earring or keep them in school he Now talks to me again normally but distant which doesn't bother me uh but why does it bother me if a girl flirts with him could it be because of low self-esteem how do I get uh people to respect me in general in class I did message him since the ring incident and haven't reached out since I want to work on my body language too so main question is how do I change myself so that people respect me okay uh great answer M I actually talked about this in I think it was two live streams ago how to kind of uh carry yourself in order to like get respect from men here's the thing everything that you do to get respect from men has to be focused inward on you see the more you try to be a Pik Misha the more you try to be likable to men the less likable you actually become like all of your energy needs to be so focused on you that you're not worried about what anyone else thinks of you and um honestly uh I know some of the other people in the chat might not know the continuation of the story cuz this is a part two but um basically her you you buying this guy a ring uh that's Pik Misha energy I don't understand he's never going to respect you or the fact that you have value when you're purchasing him a ring and you're not even dating this guy you're not even anything with this guy you haven't even done like it just it's ridiculous and it doesn't speak well to your own self-esteem when you act like that let him show you how much he wants you unless you plan on proposing okay that's not where you want to be so you need to be focused on you and not don't listen you don't have to do anything for men in order for them to like you or be interested in you ironically the less you do for men the more interested they are in you so if you want to gain respect from men do less for them it sounds crazy it sounds weird but the girls that are trying to do the most get the least respect it's crazy do less for men and they will respect you more don't budge your boundaries or adjust yourself for men they will actually respect you more it's actually insane how that works I don't know how that works I didn't make the rules but that's how that works okay uh so uh that that's my advice to you and thank you for the followup all right next we have here uh let's see oh there was one that um it was there was one where she sent the message and for some reason I didn't get a chance to answer it um and I want to make sure I answer it because even the title I was like how did I how did I miss this one uh where did it go it was titled it was titled uh something narcissist something and I know that I missed it because I was like I have not this one I did not answer this one I don't believe I don't believe I did so I'm going to answer Camila's here oh by the way thank you so much uh Lola Lola donated uh 20 what is CHF what what currency is that anyways 20 of whatever currency that is thank you so much I really appreciate that okay thank you so much I don't know what CHF is though uh so this is camilas camilas is titled narcissist perv who wants to see me Furious I want it yeah I don't think I read this one I cuz I would I feel like I would remember this so uh this is Camila's message here very interesting uh so Camila says he was my colleague he was honest at the beginning he told me that he was no longer in a relationship but still lived with her okay we've already started off pretty pretty pretty drastic here uh living with the girl he's no longer in a relationship with how does that work like a stupid girl I believe him because he had deleted all of their couple photos yeah that does it and I was in love how long were you knowing this guy okay we had pineapple contact in bed four times okay wait uh sorry in bed for your bed or his bed cuz if you're at his bed then you know she's there how does that work or maybe she wasn't or you did in the bed that they sleep in I don't know every time I see him I tried to end it did you really I told him that I've uh never had this kind of relationship ah first time uh it's not for me because I've uh been too much in love from the start I stopped everything suddenly because I learned that he got back together with his girlfriend shocker I'm I'm shocked it was one year ago now he told me uh he wanted to continue even though I refused but if you were refused why does it matter okay I stayed in contact with him anyways because I was very attached and had to wean myself off slowly that's not how you do that actually that's called stringing yourself along not weaning yourself off slowly that's that's what that's called stringing yourself along the energy shifted he chased me for one year with his girlfriend by his side sleeping in his bed interesting uh to make me uh give in to pineapples with all the blackmail you can imagine I lost 10 lbs and now had psoriasis okay for the first time in my life someone remind me what is psoriasis again like I've heard the name but I just can't remember what it does uh he doesn't know uh the harm he has done to me I ended our relationship when he got back together with his girlfriend he's been chasing me for one year to have pineapples with me one last time even though he's back with his girlfriend I'm I'm I'm a bit confused Camila why you have not blocked him at this point I mean I get what you're saying and I get why It's upsetting and I'm I'm I'm agreeing with you that he's a bad person but I'm I'm a bit confused why you're still even answering his messages or even allowing him to contact you people said it's a skin condition flaky skin like being not like being ashy but like um almost like eczema but more uh extreme I guess okay a scaly rash interesting uh he informed me days ago that he's married I didn't re oh God he informed me a few days ago that he's married I didn't react he called me 2 days later to tell me the same thing again that he wants us to see each other just one last time does that sound like a good idea to anybody I I just Camila I know we're not done here but I'm trying to understand like I know that you're attach the guy so I'm not saying that you're a bad person for being a little bit irrational but I like I just I failed to see what it was you were even expecting out of the situation at this point like even if let's say you were holding on to hope what hope were you holding on to at that point he's married with the girl that he's been living with for how many years okay I refused and you know what he got married one week later and blocked me you can't make you can't you can't make this up you you literally you literally you literally cannot make this up it's so funny I'm not laughing at you Camila but I just think guys are so funny because they're so obvious and so clear with their intentions it's so funny how you Pro you spent all this time and I'm not making fun of you but you spent all this time going back and forth with him right uh allowing him to go in and out of your life and to entertain another girl be in a relationship with another girl and in this process you wanted to wean yourself off him slowly so really what that means is you kept being involved with him and subsequently what that means is you didn't allow yourself to ever build a relationship with anyone else for real why because you were still attached to this other guy and so you actually did yourself a disservice because I'm sure if this was a span of years right which it was I'm pretty sure this is like one year here and then there's another here year so the span of years you probably came across some really cool or interesting guys that probably were really interested in you and maybe some of them might have actually been able to build something with you but because you've been so attached to this guy in the span of that time going back and forth with him you basically turned down those people or didn't allow those relationships to build and grow on themselves and the craziest part about it is because you wouldn't just stand your ground and put your foot down and block him yourself so that you can move forward and find the relationship for you you allowed yourself to continue be I told you you allowed yourself to be continuously strung along up until the point he made the decision that he's in a happy relationship and he no longer wants you to contact him or have access to him or tempt him in any way shape or form and he blocked you can you believe it you put off years of your life going back and forth with hope that maybe this would work out and not just cutting it off thinking that you were doing yourself a favor by weaning yourself off him slowly only to come to the realization that when he got serious about his relationship he stomped you out like a dim cigarette he don't have time for you no more he don't have time to talk to you message you consider you hear you out none of that ain't that ain't that tragic ain't that tragic okay uh he got married uh a week later and blocked me so I couldn't see his Instagram stories I tried to control myself so not to get angry because this is the reaction he's been waiting for ever since I love him today now I'm tempted to see it again and I'm itching help uh do not do not don't do it don't do it listen to me and read the chat because the chat will be telling you this do not do it don't reach out to him don't message him definitely don't pull up to if you're thinking about pulling up to his house slap yourself in the face right now slap yourself in the face right now if you're thinking about pulling up to his house don't do that don't message him don't call him don't access his Netflix pass don't do anything anything with him throw away every single clothing item that exists in your house that he wore has worn or belongs to him throw it away delete every picture or video on your phone and computer and laptop that has him in it or reminds you of him delete them all delete every Snapchat memory and video delete it all don't keep any momentos or gifts that he's given you in his house throw them in the trash bin I didn't say put them in a trash bag and keep them in your closet throw them in a public trash bin that you will not have access to you need to get yourself off of a married man there is nothing to be tempted about Camila he's married there's nothing to love here he he's married there's nothing to itch about he's married which means any form or shape of you knowing him or spending time with him or building a relationship with him will be trying to build a relationship with a married man you will be wasting your life away your precious valuable time and energy and beautiful life will be wasted even if if you were building a relationship with this guy because he's married eventually he's going to have a family he will never make you a priority in his life you owe it to yourself to be with someone that will make you a priority in their life do you hear me don't do it don't do it if you do it you're in for a world of misery unless you want to be miserable for the rest of your life block him too block him on everything everything and never speak to him again he has literally unived in your mind he does not exist okay Camila I knew I didn't answer that one when I seen the when I seen the title okay next we have here uh baby bliss so baby bliss says I really need your help okay so baby bliss says hi Thomasson uh I'm 25 this guy's 33 little backstory between us we have known each other since 2022 initially like you mentioned in your videos he was very interested in me and drove two hours to take me out on a date see that's good you have him right where you want him you got to just keep him there uh we were always on and we were always off and on and I would only see him at advents in the summertimes not going to lie I was a little desperate and fell for his love bombing this is going to go downhill and agreed to to keep things casual and gave him the Squirtle and gave the Squirtle away summer of last year so I'm assuming because you said love bombing that this happened fairly quickly okay that you feel like that was too fast we would always text cuz you didn't say a specific timeline we would always text but never see him in person so how did you give away Squirtle how many times did you actually see each other in person cuz a 2-hour Drive is a bit distant so this is making me feel like you only saw him for real for real in like a handful of times in person earlier in late March and early April of this year we were texting pineapple stuff okay and then we got into an ARG during the pineapple texting because he said he was busy and I hated that I always last before his work oh that I always you meant to say that I always come last before his work family and friends I thought you were trying to say you finish you don't finish in time or something like that anyways I know after watching your videos that my mistake was texting him too much and gave away the Squirtle also being really needy and desperate for his attention that doesn't come across uh very good doesn't translate well we only had pineapples two times okay uh anyways uh we had an argument because he said something misogynistic okay basically saying that his mentor told him that females are only a financial and mental loss and he should just spend 10 minutes with a woman by himself like the okay the clearly this guy listens to a lot of um I won't even say who but clearly he listens to a lot of that uh this not good I called him out uh and he blocked me on Whatsapp and IG snap anyways uh I was desperate so I what did you why did you even call him out in the first place if you know you don't like how he thinks or you you don't like how he goes this is okay I know we're not all the way through here but this is part of the problem guys see when you don't like how someone is acting or behaving or you don't think that it's uh congruent with what you expect out of a relationship then just walk away or withdraw yourself from that person see in this case and I understand that you were a baby bliss that you felt emotional about situation and you wanted to call him out and things like that this is one of those cases where what what what was the purpose are you trying to turn him into not believing those things that he can believe what you want him to believe what's the purpose solely because you want him to be be more like the guy that you're looking for well then why not just look for the guy that you're looking for that doesn't view things that way why are you trying to convince someone who clearly feels this way to not feel this way what's the actual this is why you guys always have to be thinking about what purpose is it actually serving me to nag him or try to change him or control him and control his actions because clearly he doesn't intend to treat you in any way that you want to be treated so why are you focusing your time and energy trying to convince someone to treat you how you want to be treated that has no intention of treating you how you want to be treated you're fighting a losing battle and then you're apologizing for it which only makes you look weaker and tells him that whenever you have something that you stand on or you or you want to stand up for you'll fold like a cheap launcher as soon as he withdraws himself from you and you're like the golden retriever actually you're more like I don't know A A A desperate golden retriever even worse and wished him you apologized that you went on to wish him a happy birthday and the last time I texted him was on his birthday in April my birthday in April uh I started to watch her videos and realize where I went wrong I know I cannot undo giving away the Squirtle anyways I decided to join a female football okay cool and I knew he would be one of the coaches there so you didn't actually do it because you wanted to do it you did it just to see him some more this is this is the problem okay this is this is part of the problem when I tell you guys to do things you're passionate about I specifically say don't do it for boys also don't do it simply to meet boys do it because you actually enjoy it and find uh fulfillment and get fulfillment out of it like it is ridiculous for you to be doing things for the sole purpose of seeing a boy or to just meet more boys because you'll be very frustrated if you don't meet a thousand boys that night or if you don't see the guy there or if it doesn't work like okay let's go on I honestly just joined uh to make more girlfriends yeah yeah yeah chat does does anyone believe that listen baby bliss I'm not trying to make fun of you I just want you to like let's be for real okay I can't BS you like nobody believes that that you came there to make more girlfriends you could have joined any football league that he wasn't the coach of then if you really love football that much okay let's be so for real let's not mess around here uh from the same ethnicity last Friday he unblocked me on Whatsapp and messaged me saying I have to say this uh isn't the Forum I thought I'd see you next uh laughing emoji like he was surprised to see you there I have not spoken to him since April I also did not tell him that I joined uh football he saw my name on one of the uh coach's forums and messaged me I didn't respond for two days and today was my uh Clinic date side note I have not seen him in person for almost a year now during the clinic I actively tried to uh ignore him like you mentioned in your video I pretended like he didn't exist and focused all my time and energy on making new girlfriends laughing and giggling with the new girlfriends let's see how long that lasts uh when first time to approach me but I would just turn around or walk away so when he you might say when he tried to approach me uh then I guess he thought I was I wasn't interested in him so he stopped approaching me that's good actually honestly you don't need to be with this guy he would still be so near me and watching my group I saw him stare at me so many times from a distance when practice was over I walked to my car and he walked right after me this is getting a little scary now I thought maybe he would come and talk to me but I guess I never gave him enough eye contact so he drove off I knew he was really interested in talking to me especially because he wasn't expecting me to join football right after practice I replied to his WhatsApp saying why is that wh why though I don't why what's the reason I don't get it what do you want from this guy I feel like I really made made it seem like I don't like him anymore so I sent him a vague text uh I was wondering where do I take this from here how do I switch the dynamic because he was so used to uh me texting him all the time I want uh I want him to ask me on quality dates in person and not think about pineapples that's that's what you want okay you are living in a dream world let's go on uh I know you mentioned it's hard turning uh around the dynamic once you gave away Squirtle away but I know he has a lot of interest in me I love you baby bliss but I need to be honest with you if a guy truly has a lot of interest in you he will be compelled to pursue you you won't have to text him you won't have to call him you won't have to do anything I was so worried after practice because I thought I would never see or talk to him again oh oh oh oh really oh really oh really I thought I thought I thought unless I'm reading hieroglyphics I do I do believe that you mentioned you were just there uh to meet your new girlfriends right you were just there to make your new girlfriend I'm focused I'm focused on meeting my new girlfriends and laughing and giggling not on silly boys I don't care about him oh I don't have time for him this not about boys it's about me and my enjoyment what ha what what what happened happened to that what happened to that okay what happened to that cuz now you're so worried after practice because you thought you'd never see her talk to him again why does it matter I thought you were there to meet your girlfriends anyways uh that got me really anxious and I was worried that I really made it seem like I don't like him oh isn't this so funny you guys do exactly what I say you all do and it's prevalent in the Discord I literally I tell you guys that's one of the main issues that you guys suffer with when you get anxiety that a guy becomes disinterested in you what do you do instead now you begin chasing hoping that you'll gain his interest back by chasing him all that actually does is make him less interested in you and if you would just hold your water and not be so anxious that a guy will be disinterested in you because you're doing nothing you would realize that the process of doing nothing is what's making him interested in you he has also o playing games back and talking uh and taking a very long time to respond to his text why because now you're chasing him I'm worried see I feel like he's playing the same games back to me he is because you're chasing him um should I reply to his future text or what text can I send him to get him to plan dates uh he is very good he's a very good date planner but very busy because he's a criminal defense lawyer and also the uh pineapple tension between us is crazy how do I keep my composure on dates and not fold like you need to get a grip here more screenshots below uh did I do a good job of vaguely texting him any tips to change I want to end the convo and get him to ask me out in person it's been over 48 hours and still no reply I didn't uh sorry and he didn't look at the text either I'm thinking I should just leave him on red when he does reply because he's playing games with me and I took two uh days to respond earlier I don't think he's actually this busy as a lawyer no he's not I know he was expecting to see me during the summer events and that's why I said I won't be there to encourage him to ask me out don't just let him not see you and then ask you uh also if he does not ask me out on a date how do I tell him that I will not sleep with him anymore on these dates you don't you just don't do it I okay baby bliss the answer to a lot of your questions is stop trying to talk about it and discuss it and just do it you need to stop messaging him back unless he's going to approach you with I want to take you out on a date when can I see you again cuz it seems like you're having all of this pointless conversation I don't even really need to read this cuz I already know what this is going to be I have to say this uh form okay why is that yeah yeah yeah okay not that I don't care about this but I I I get the gist I already know how he's thinking here right and see here's the thing you guys can read this if you really want to read this okay you're doing the job for him this is what I talked about actually when I talked about the way to make a man fall in love is by doing nothing and I told you guys do not be planning dates for a guy also don't jump ahead of things and try to make it easier for him to plan a date and answer questions that he never even asked in the first place so baby bliss what I mean by that is you're trying to do the job of the man for him by being like Oh well I knew you would be expecting to see me on these summer events and since you're not going to see me at these summer events I just thought I'd tell you ahead of time that I'm not going to be at these summer events that way you can schedule your schedule and plan your plan out so that you'll know that you can take me out on a date on exactly Tuesday and Wednesday because those are the days that I'm the most free so you know if you ever want to take me out on a date then those are the probably the best days that you could stop doing that if he really wanted to be with you allow him to come to the realization that hey I'm not seeing you at these summer events hey I haven't seen you in a while where you been you're not texting me back I would love to take you then when he asks you where have you been you can say yo I'm not going to be at these summer events period full stop and then let him continue to be the man and say oh if you're not going to be at these summer events when can I see you again in person then you can tell him what did you have in mind what what were you thinking then you can start saying when you're free and things like that when he asks you out on the date don't be trying to get ahead of stuff and and let him know oh so I'm not going to be here at this time and I'm going to be taking a break he doesn't care and until he comes to the realization that he really wants to see you don't be trying to help make it easier for him to plan the date or stimulate an environment for him to plan the date if he wants to plan the date he will the less you do the easier you will make it for for for him to come to his own realization that he wants to take you out on a date I know it's painful because you really like this guy and you're really invested in being with this guy specifically which is the problem but in reality you will never be able to do more things like I always say to stimulate a guy liking you more or being more interested in you if he already has interest in you you do nothing and that interest will continue growing did you notice that the only period in time which you weren't speaking to him he was literally doing things like following you to your car I walked to practice over I walked to my car and he walked right after me notice that only happened when you weren't speaking to him and if you just kept on this path of not speaking to him maybe his interest would have grown so much that he said I need to see you like on a date but you got anxious that maybe he was becoming disinterested when he stopped doing things like following you to your car and then you started reaching out and started chasing him instead okay so baby bliss do nothing and reside yourself to the understanding that in the process of you doing nothing he might not reach out to you ever again in the process of you doing nothing he might also reach out to you and ask you out on a date either way your life is still good don't go to football practice just because you want to see him okay I would actually advise you to withdraw yourself from that football team and find a new one that he doesn't coach so that you can actually know that you're doing it for your fulfillment not to see him more and would if you it's listen if you don't plan on talking to him at the football practice anyways what's the point of trying to be at the same football practice as him or that that he'll see you because you're just making it easier for him to find you in a place where he can have access to you without taking you out on a date you should squeeze the life out of all the access he has of you that's not taking you out on a date why because then if he really wants to see you and speak to you he'll have to take you out on a date don't try to be seen more or be heard from more thinking that's going to stimulate him to ask you out on a date that's going to make it easier for him to not ask you out on a date okay so baby bliss very simple do nothing I hate when I say that to you guys but honestly that's the answer to your question is to do nothing right um mabali mabali says or is it mbali mbali or mabali mabali sounds like the American version I feel like it's mbali I have low self-esteem confused and scared okay let's read I'm in a relationship and scared that I might ruin it due to my low self-esteem I'm a 28 uh who feel pre uh who was previously married to an abusive ex uh and we broke up now now I met a 46-year-old man who has become everything I've ever wanted so good so far he he possesses the qualities I need in a partner and most importantly he cares deeply about my mental health and is always there for me okay so good so far uh let's see here what the heck sorry uh okay let's go on uh when I moved from my new apartment he bought all the furniture okay so he's he's getting a little money here uh for my birthday last week on June 10th he gave me a Porsche I uh I apologize for disrespecting his uh his uh his bread here so yeah I said he has a little bread he's got a lot of bread he bought you a Porsche okay I he a big one not the small one not the little one okay I apologize to that man okay I got to respect him put some respect on his name we've been together I've been together for 6 months and never experienced this level of generosity and care for a man before this is actually more than the other girl got uh I think it was Fitness scess she got 60k in 2 months you got a Porsche which on average we're talking around 195 180 200k so he spent 200k on you in 6 months probably more than just a car too plus your furniture he love you you must you must you must got that thing on you um and I've never experienced this level of generosity and Care from a man before I've also met his family he introduced me to his on his uh to them on his mother's birthday he buys me flowers every week is this a flex or a concern are you flexing or which one is it and when I'm having a tough time he comes to my apartment and just uh holds me to cook for me without any expectations of pineapples I'm actually struggling to see how you're how you're you're screwing this up here uh he makes me feel valued and loved despite all of this I am scared I am not enough for him he is quiet and calm and not toxic like my ex and he has healed so many parts of me however I worried uh I worry because he is financially very financially I'm I'm I'm confused here I worry because he's very financially stable and since I earn less I fear I might not be enough for him I need another perspective do you think he is serious about our relationship how can I overcome my fears of insecurities to ensure I don't sabotage this relationship thank you for your guidance okay malali uh you're in a you're in per there's no advice for me to give you you're you're in a perfect situation you actually are getting way more than any other girl that's ever been in this chat so I'm sure they're probably jealous of you and the life that you're living you've got everything you want you've got a man who treats you well you've got a man who values you and respects you and on top of that he's stinking rich and will buy you whatever you want what am I supposed to say to that like I just don't understand how you can't see or realize how amazing that is and um the only thing that I think is happening with you is um I think you're in a situation where yes your ex mistreated you but I also think that you became accustomed to the emotional roller coaster that your ex would take you on on a daily basis on probably an hourly basis and because you became accustomed to that roller coaster coaster of emotions that you would go through you you found something that you could focus all of your time and energy on because it required that much of your time and energy cuz one day it's up here another day it's down here there's this situation you got to chase after this girl you got to fix this thing there's so many burning Fires for you to put out you have nothing but time and energy and focus to put on this relationship so you don't have to worry about building yourself up you don't have to worry about doing things for yourself you don't have to worry about growing or improving all you have to worry about is focusing your energy on putting out all these all these fires and all these situations that are going on with your ex right and so you became accustomed to that cycle and that amount of energy required just to be in the relationship so what happens now is when you're in a healthy relationship with a guy who has money who will give it to you you don't have a lot of worries you don't have a lot of concerns what actually is happening is you're not anxious about him treating you wrong or not being enough what you're actually anxious of is the fact that the in order to to stay in this relationship and maintain this relationship it requires a lot less of your time and energy and this has become concerning to you because you've become accustomed to having to be drained in order to maintain a relationship the problem with this is that if you don't begin investing into yourself and making your own life interesting out outside of the relationship you'll find yourself in a position where no matter how much he does for you you're bored because you're uninterested in the relationship and you're uninterested in the relationship because you don't know how to make your life fulfilling unless you're going through a roller coaster of emotions and because you don't have outside fulfillment outside of a relationship now you struggle to find joy in life when you don't have something to focus so much of your time and energy on because you don't have to go through his phone when he's not toxic you don't have to uh Chase around this girl or that girl to figure out who he was talking to last week because he actually just tells you where he's been you don't have to worry about what he's doing on the weekends or worry about what what he's doing when you're not there because he's actually where he says he's going to be and he's actually working and he's actually making some money you don't have to worry about him stealing from you or manipulating you to get money out of you because he's stinking rich and he can pay for any anything he wants and you want so it requires a lot less struggle a lot less brain power and a lot less energy to be in this relationship but when you're used to that that can also be painful and boring and some people find themselves in situations where they're so bored that they actually go out into their life and they seek out people that will make their life more exciting again not because their partner isn't good enough and not because their partner has quality or doesn't have the qualities that they want but simply because they want to put some excitement back in their life and the mistake is you'll lose out on the amazing man that any woman would want to be with because you're bored when instead of trying to fill your excitement with a new guy you should or a fresh guy or a guy that will make you feel stimulated you should be trying to make your fulfillment and excitement in life come from within you about something that you do that you're passionate about that you enjoy that gives you that fulfillment so throughout the course of this relationship you need to be focused on figuring out what you want and care about outside of the relationship that brings you joy and happiness when you find that you'll actually find it a lot easier to be happy in the relationship I know it sounds strange because right now you're struggling to uh to just be okay with being happy in the relationship because you've been accustomed to not being happy and that to be your your regular state but once you find fulfillment in other things you'll realize it's okay for you to be happy in the relationship because you have fulfillment in other aspects of your life and the relationship and so the because you have fulfillment and stress and things to focus your time and energy on in other parts of your life you won't need your relationship to take up so much of your mental space okay because you're living a great life right now uh Britney says I don't know if I take a Porche uh 6 months in I won't lie to you 6 months in for him to get you a Porsche he must really like you okay even I don't care how rich he is he must really like you there's Millionaires and billionaires that don't do that for someone in 6 months okay so he must really like you and he bought your furniture we're 6 months in so you you got that thing on you you doing well there's clearly a lot that he likes about you and a lot that he appreciates of you don't ruin it don't ruin it don't ruin it listen to me and listen to all the other girls in the chat that are saying they would love to swap play hey hey hey hey hey hey hey maali maali you'll realize ooh ooh ooh it's a painful realization if you get bored and start venturing out the relationship trying to get some excitement oh it's a painful realization when you realize how many girls would gladly take your spot in a heartbeat don't be fooled that he treats you well thinking that there won't be a plethora of girls that will be hungry and ready to take your spot if you're not appreciative of the relationship and the man that you have don't don't don't don't don't lose the plot here okay not to say that you're not the prize or anything like that but I just want you to understand if you can't figure out a way to appreciate him and feel fulfilled in this relationship trust you me there will be a girl at the doorstep ready to take your spot because you're getting a lot more than anyone could ever ask for okay not to diss you or or you know make you feel bad but I just I want I want to like you said give you some perspective so that you can take a deep breath in and realize where you actually are at sometimes it's hard to realize where you're actually at because you're in it and not realizing how good that you have it if you read some of these other Discord questions you'll real iiz you're in an amazing situation so there's really nothing for you to be upset about I won't say nothing we all go through things but your problems are very different problems than most of the other girls problems okay so be appreciative of what you have next year we have uh let's see uh okay smooth Brown says uh need help ASAP okay I'm going to give you help ASAP let's see let's see let's see what you have to say here uh let me see here okay uh need help ASAP smooth Brown says hi I'm 24 met a guy who's 30 at a college dinner 2 months I left a bit earlier than everyone I was waiting for the Uber and I saw him walking towards me and he asked for my socials we started talking and he immediately wanted to take me out uh I was a bit hesitant but it was so fast so we talked for a few more days and I decided to go on a date with him okay he gave me three options for the date uh that he had well planned so good so far um I decided to go to the fancy restaurant the outfit I wore uh to the date was a bit pineapple um and I had on this high he on these high heeled boots after a while my feet started hurting bad and I was also on my cycle so I had very bad period cramps I SU suggested that I wanted to go home because of the pain and he wanted to initially buy me some comfort snacks but because of my heels I told him I just wanted to go home right away that's nice of him though uh once we got home it started getting hot and heavy and we started kissing we had never made out at at that point because I was on my cycle okay I'm a still have my VC card sorry I'm just I'm just I'm soaking everything in uh I led a very I live a very busy life and I didn't want to uh put him as a priority at all we would talk he would always say I'm famous because I was so busy with my own life and friends that's good he also uh leads A busy life so we met at his house for our second meeting I dressed up very innocently with a long white summer dress be like a sundress because I was expecting him to take me out somewhere but we ended up being hot and heavy and I gave him a I just don't so you were going to go somewhere and then you guys just said f the spot and then you gave him head I just I like why why why would you do that though I don't understand like things were going so well he was treating you so like why would you do that why would you do that why not just go out to the place you were already planning like I understand like yeah you got carried away and yeah you were in the mood but like why would you do that you're also you you're also still have your v card why would you do that I don't I don't I'm glitching here cuz if you have your vCard you do realize like like majority of guys will respect if you have your VC card still that like okay you're just not want you don't haven't given it to anyone so they're not going to feel pressured to be like I got to sleep with her right away because other guys have probably done that like why would you do that the third meeting that we had I lost my bag and I basically lost my keys in the bag so I had nowhere to go at night oh God this is this is not going to end well so I stayed over crying because U my bag because of my bag and he only wanted to have pineapples shocker I told him no since I'm uh clearly upset about the situation of my bag uh he respected and left to sleep on the couch that's actually pretty respectful uh we talked the next day and we decided to meet up and to give each other stuff back and he told me he wants to stop the situation because he wants to give me some respect in that moment I revealed to him I was a vard oh so he didn't know okay sorry I apologize cuz I said that's he knowing that he'll chill and he told me he can't be with someone with no experience okay uh what's your question here I guess you just say you need help on the situation um this is kind of a preference thing so if that's his preference to be with someone with experience that's perfectly fine what I really think he means though in being a guy if I'm going to give you manspeak what I really think he means though is he's not prepared mentally to be in a relationship in which he's going to wait until marriage to sleep with you because that's kind of how it probably feels for him when he's thinking of the fact that you still have your VC card and how long it it would probably take him um in terms of commitment before he would probably see the possibility of sleeping with you and it it probably is a bit confusing to him because of this whole situation because I feel like you should have had this talk before this situation and I feel like you would have both been able to come to a much better understanding if that was the order okay I'm not trying to make fun of you uh so smooth Brown uh but I want you to understand like you have to do things in a specific order so if you know that this is um a very important topic or a very important quality about you this is something that you discuss early on before you do anything like this that way you can ensure that you're both on the same page and you're not building a relationship with someone who's not prepared for that because why would you only come to this why would this realization only happen after you do that thing when this should have been what were you talking about on the dates what were you talking about what were you discussing how much you like each other this is why I always tell you guys you you want to be getting in deep into the mental state and the mind frame of the guy that you're in a relationship with or you're trying to build with get in deep quickly so you can know what he really wants and what his real intentions are and not only be discovering that after you've already slept with him or in this case giving him some head because if this was the case then this was always the case so this is something you should have been asking about or getting an understanding of at the very beginning at the the top of this okay on the first couple of dates so that when you by the time you get to this point you're very aware that he's in it for the long haul and he understands what he's getting himself into I understand people don't want to just go around talking about their body count and things like that but like you're you you're you're a virgin like it's it's not embarrassing or shameful to be a virgin you're a woman it's fine if a guy has a problem with that because he wants to sleep with a woman very quickly cool move forward with your life you shouldn't be ashamed of that or ashamed to tell a guy that because you're scared that he won't like you anymore that that is not that that's not that's not it don't change yourself to be more of what other people want you to be that's who you are stick to that and allow the guys who are going to accept you for that to accept you for that if they're not then let them move on with their life cuz I'll be the first one to to truthfully I'll I'll just be so straight with you I'll be the first one to tell you you being uh having your v card still at 24 actually makes you more desirable okay I just be so for real with you okay because if a guy's thinking about making you his wife and you haven't been with anyone before let's just let's just be all the way for real that is more desirable if I want to make you my wife I would love for the girl that I'm with to have never been with anybody before I can teach her a whole bunch of stuff I like teaching me me like teaching and for most guys they would love if their girl was like that too I don't think that that's unnatural or a bad thing so don't be don't get yourself all discombobulated because this guy reacted like this I promise you a lot of guys will appreciate that so do less of this and keep more of this Cas move Brown that's my advice to you uh next let's go to n ask question questions too Le let's go to uh brandy brandy with two e not one the do not the one the do uh Brandy with two e okay so boom you're from New York Met this guy okay so boom met this guy on Tick Tock you're no I'm saying he lived in Atlanta and at the time uh lived in Louisiana uh he was finishing school and I was working we planned on seeing each other but I lost my job so sad we continued FaceTiming and he asked if I was talking to other guys oh you met on Tik Tok okay uh I said yes he didn't like that and he said he thought we were trying to date so we had a conversation and decided okay so we are going to get to know each other and plan to meet okay uh well he finished school and I ended up losing my job and move back to Texas we in Texas uh 5 months go by and we're still talking we haven't met yet 5 months you haven't met yet wow but things are going great looking your penp pal how great can things be going looking back he was future faking and I would express my intentions uh was to date to Mary nothing more nothing less he agreed of course uh long story short uh and after a couple of disagreements about communication it started to slow down and when either of us would comment about it we agreed we would do better for a while we did until the facetimes turned into calls mind you were both looking for a job so at the he's still looking for a job I don't think he's okay I'll hold I'll hold my thought so at this point it seems uh we're just keeping each other company you are but I thought once we both get on our feet we would meet that's what she thought right well I started to feel that he was entertaining other parties and I was right it's been 5 months he's a man do you think he's just going to call you on the phone for 5 months and never want to whack himself off inside someone else our last time speaking was when we went a whole day without calling or responding then said I've been in and out of sleep so I called no answer so I took that as oh he's playing games and showing me he's not interested because he didn't call me back until later the next day sure people are busy but for us it wasn't the norm so I ended communication good you're you've been at pen pal for 5 months this is a waste of your time uh the third day of no communication he texted me understood I didn't respond so weeks go by I notice with this uh he's with the same girl I had suspicions about and I was correct they were seeing each other shocker he reached out two weeks ago saying this I wanted to thank you sorry I'm not laughing at you um Brandy sorry I'm just the situation is funny I just know these type of Vibes I wanted to thank you for sticking with me during this journey we supported each other I know you ended communication and I respect your decision but I will be watching you from a distance I blocked him on everything thoughts okay so my thoughts is he plays you like fiddle you wasted your own time by being a pen pal with a guy who had no intention of seeing you I understand like when you were seeing him he had no job and he was looking for one so then your mindset should be okay when you have a job uh contact me because then you'll be actually ready to come see me this is the this is the problem see the focus is in the wrong place first of all your focus should not be on building a relationship your focus should be on getting your own job to support yourself and vice versa for him his focus should not be on building a relationship it should be to support himself and get a job so he can get on his feet and you know you know do what he's supposed to be doing as a man see this is the thing I always tell you guys some of you are thinking you're in a longdistance relationship when you're just a pen pal with a guy and it's a big big big big waste of your time because if there's no intention to actually see each other in real life what's the point what is the point you guys really need to start taking your time and your energy very seriously and and where you're spending it very seriously and you need to start saying to yourself my time and energy is an investment into my future so if I'm putting my time and energy into something and investing it into something that's not going to pay me back in the future I should not be doing that thing I need you guys to get a hold of this thought process like your time and energy is valuable and should be invested in things that pay you back if you're randomly calling and FaceTiming and texting a guy who has made it that not talked about coming to see you in person stop wasting your time and when I talk about talking to come see you in person I really mean like he's like okay next month I'm A Book Like if he's really serious it doesn't take more than a month of planning to say I'm free in the next month I'm free in the next two months I'm free at this time and then I can come see you for for a week or whatever if he's really that serious but the guys who are just chatting with you just so they'll have a little bit of company like this guy they'll just chat talk on the phone no intention of actually meeting and 5 months will go by like uh uh Brandy and you'll just be still chatting with the same guy over text and DM and phone call it's a big waste big waste and like I you played yourself cuz look all 5 months you invested your time and energy into a guy only to have him get into a relationship that he was actually happy in and just like uh someone previous that sent a message in he came and he thanked you for your time and he said yeah good knowing you but I'm done with you and he literally discarded of you he wasn't even interested enough in you to keep you as a side piece cuz there was no peace he was just keeping you around his company until he could build the relationship he actually wanted to build so while you were investing in him he was investing in his future and when he got the future that he wanted he discarded a view this is why I tell you guys if this guy's not being intentional about you and he's not being serious about seeing you end it don't waste your time because these guys are building relationships with other women okay don't waste a whole bunch of time okay let's do uh one more here uh let's see uh okay electric fi asks uh will he actually commit before Pineapples uh electric field says Papa Smurf uh wearing pink today uh Thomasson this is what you have taught me you've taught me don't give up pineapples until he asks for a committed relationship okay yes treat a guy half disinterested letting him cook on almost everything 100% direct all questions back to him being vague about who we actually are and let him schedule dates 5 days away because I'm busy 100% you got it down packed that being said I'd like to get your expert advice on my following thoughts okay how can uh a man ask us for a committed relationship if he doesn't really know us because being vague and just asking him stuff he has no idea how the pineapples is with us okay uh with dates always being days apart uh this Slow Burn seems like it could take 5 months per man okay I love this question because I know a lot of you have similar questions just like this I want you to know okay people never never remember what you say they only remember how you make them feel I know when we have these discussions together and we sit down together you feel like if I'm only asking him questions then he won't really know anything about me and he'll be disinterested in me and you'll think that that's what he's thinking in his mind in reality he's not thinking about how little you talk he's thinking about how good it feels to get off his chest everything he's thinking and feeling and not be judged for it it's crazy but the guys aren't thinking to themselves you don't talk about yourself enough enough so I'm not interested in you actually what they think to themselves is I get an opportunity to talk about myself which is very interesting and stimulating for me so I like you because of how good I feel to be around you okay and the less you share about yourself the more mysterious you become and the more mysterious you continue to be the more interesting and intriguing you continue to be see the guys I always try to tell you guys your value is not based on your actual value it's based on the perception of your value okay meaning I can make something seem valuable by making it seem like everyone wants it and that it's in high demand and it's very scarce that doesn't mean I actually have to put time into making the quality very high all I have to do is make the perception of quality be very high by showing you that everyone else wants it and making and making it look like it's very scarce there was um there was a an example of exactly what I'm discussing in a uh and a skit that someone did I believe it's on YouTube all you have to do is type in a fake designer store and there was like a company or whatever they just wanted to see the social experiment of what would happen if they created a fake designer store and forced people to pay high price uh for Payless Shoes um and I believe in that store they actually called the name of the store palasse so they made it sound like it was French or foreign they called it pal and in the store they were literally selling Payless shoes but they convinced people that it was this new designer French store called palasse and they convinced people to pay thousands of dollars for Payless shoes and people were lined around the block for the Payless shoes all because they presented it in a way where this is high quality everyone wants it and they hyped it up they put some marketing behind it they made it seem as if it was really valuable and so what happened everyone treated it like it had value it was the same Payless shoes that all of those people would have walked by if the store said Payless and it was $10 but because of the perception of that value based on the scarcity and the demand everyone wanted to pay thousands of dollars for the same Payless shoes that were cheap made in the same Payless Factory and so that's my point when I when I talk to you guys about perceive value and perception when you guys get worried about but he doesn't know enough about me but I'm not talking enough about myself how is he going to know that he wants to be with me it's not about him knowing that he wants to be with you based on how much you share about yourself it's about his Intrigue in you and his desire to continue knowing you because you're scarce and unavailable to him that he wants to make you less scarce and less unavailable to him and continue to build with you and this part about it being a slow burn that that's okay that's perfectly fine you don't need to make things happen in one week in fact it's actually better if things don't happen in one week because the slower things burn the more you can observe him in his actions and know that if you're actually going to give yourself to this guy you're giving yourself to the right guy not a mystery man or a guy who's just putting on a prince charming suit so actually it works in your favor the slower it burns because the longer you get to see him in a bunch of whole different situations and circumstances that you know you're actually meeting and being with the real person not with uh you know his representative okay uh next here you say it would feel scary to commit to a man before I knew uh what his uh pineapple ality is like and uh what his body is like and how our pineapple SCH chemistry is or what if he has a micro thing these are things now I'm not saying you don't have conversations about is these are part of the things that you figure out in the process of asking him questions you can actually figure out a lot about someone's uh K ks's what they're into what they enjoy uh what their Vibe is by asking them questions you don't have to necessarily always just go out and experience it in order to get a better understanding of it now obviously you're not going to know exactly what the pineapple chemistry will be like if you don't do it but at the same time in the process of you guys doing other things that's not having pineapples you'll grow a sense of how connected your bodies are and how in sync you guys are even with things like kissing I promise you if you guys don't have chemistry kissing there's a 99.9% chance you won't have a lot of chemistry when you're uh um having intimacy in in in andout Squirtle and uh penetrate being penetrated okay I can assure you that so these are the kind of things you should be looking for to get those answers to that question uh if he has a micro thingy that's that's also something you'll discover in the process of asking him enough question I trust me it's very hard to hide a micro thingy if you're talking about your past uh pineapple experiences okay you'll start to get a sense and even when you're making out you can if you're really scared or worried make out with him and start feeling down below if you can't feel anything then you should be worried but if you can feel something and it seems like a decent size whatever decent size is to you um then you're good okay so don't be such in fear of a situation that is like that that's like almost never going to happen we're talking about like less than like a very minority um portion of the population okay uh most of them have average okay not micro average maybe small but not micro your advice uh is bar none yet I always see the vision of of the guy in it for a slowburn when he keeps pulling the wait what you like you want to see the vision of a guy in it for the Slow Burn I mean that's good that means he's being intentional about it uh you mean when you keep pulling yourself away I mean if you're pulling yourself away and he's intentional about it then I mean he's going to continue pursuing you I have a different perspective with just seeing one man at a time okay and electric field donated 20 uh $20 on uh YouTube while we were reading out the questions he said your IG skits and music so good thank you so much I really appreciate that electric electric feel is probably like the number one donator in Tik Tok and YouTube so I appreciate you so much Electric Feel while I'm reading out your question thank you isn't it a waste of time if you uh put all of your intention in into just one person if they end up being a disappointment then you got to start from scratch with someone and no Foundation I don't truly see a man who a man is until 6 months of knowing him um I mean yeah it's technically a waste of your time if you build build this with that person and it ends up being a disappointment but if you don't give away Squirtle in that time period um at least you get to walk away scot-free without having wasted a body and giving yourself to that guy and so don't be worried that oh my God I should make this happen as soon as possible because if it takes a long time then uh you know that's a long time wasted why would you want to jump into things early and then figure out you're wasting your time early and then be like well I shouldn't have even I should have been more patient okay like and the thing about it is in the process of getting to know people like it will become pretty obvious to you uh when you're on the right track or when you're not on the right track uh you also say I am 49 never married and I want to find my person be a wife someday uh so I would talk with others so I can stack my odds not giving up pineapples and keeping a dating rotation if a man hasn't claimed me to be exclusive why would I invest my time just into him um I don't necessarily advise you guys to be trying to keep a roster I know I give some toxic information but I don't advise you guys to keep a roster simply because at that point you sp you spread yourself so thin in terms of your time and energy in all these different places it becomes very difficult to have any time and energy left for yourself cuz it's you know even if you're just saying I'm just dating these guys and I don't care about them you're still putting your time and energy and investment into those guys that you're dating and so yes it feels good to not have to care about any one particular man but you also don't have a lot time left for yourself the illusion is uh that if we uh have time in life to accomplish all of our goals but in uh M life it's more like prioritizing goals and recognizing that you might not fulfill everything on the list uh I agree with this um you have to understand what it here's the thing I think that you should always understand what it is you want and you're looking for and what it is that's important to you that you must have that way you know what are things you can work with do you understand making your list of everything that you want want is also understanding uh what you can work with because you're going to meet people of all different walks of life and personalities and Dynamics and things like that some qualities about them might not necessarily be your favorite thing but it might be something you can work with and some qualities about people might be something you absolutely cannot work with but that's on you to understand the difference and which one is which because only with that information can you make a decision on okay um I can build with this I can work with this yeah you make mistakes but you're accountable to your mistakes I can work with that as opposed to uh n you're someone who doesn't take accountability for everything and anytime I try to get you to apologize about anything you just blow it off as it's not your fault I can't work with that right lastly what is the language uh to use with a man in order to convey well I want to find my life partner so I'm not feeling like giving pineapples until I'm in a committed relationship s is actually a a great question here my advice to you would be to not say that just do it because a lot of H honestly truthfully honestly a lot of girls say this a lot of girls say oh I'm just waiting until commitment oh I'm not going to give myself away until commitment guys hear that all the time you know how you're you're sick of hearing guys tell you oh I'm looking for something serious guys are sick of hearing girls say I'm not going to give away any Squirtle uh or pineapples until I I have commitment guys hear that 24/7 and you know what happens right after the girls say that they get a little whine in them they have a little fun with them have a little chitchat and lo and behold they're giving away Squirtle so it's meaningless to say it actually you're better off not saying it because showing him that is way more powerful than saying that when you say that you honestly just sound like every other girl when you do it though when you're actually about it it's a very different feeling to see it happening so honestly I'd advise you to not say it just do it just do it okay uh thank you so much electric f for all your amazing questions I see that you put in so much work into your questions and you donate while asking great questions while participating into the chat I appreciate you so so much electric Feld for everything you do for me and this community you're so so amazing okay so that's the show for today if you had a question for me that uh didn't get answered don't fret I will answer your question on another show we have lots of shows to discuss and uh if you want to ask your question CU you didn't get a chance to and you're on Tik Tok go into the link in my bio where you can ask your question there or if you're on YouTube it's right at the top in the link in the description where you can ask your question or you can go right sorry um at the top it's pinned at the message at the top or it's in the link in the description at the very bottom if you want to ask your question in the relationship advice section there while answer it live on the show okay um if you love me so much and you want to see everything like electric fuel is referring to she loves my Ig skits and my music I used to make IG skits uh when I was younger so I left that I've been up until this point so that's all available on my uh Instagram you can follow me there on Instagram and see everything I'm about on Instagram uh and uh get to know me a little bit better on there uh see me going to the gym and things like that okay uh and if you are on Tik Tok and you love the show so much you want to be a part of the show you want to see everything that the show has been up until this point you can just head over right on the top uh of my head on the right side uh type in my name on the YouTube on the YouTube on YouTube and uh you'll be able to find my channel where you'll see all of the live streams that I've done in the past as well as this one and you'll be able to also see the Tik Tok and YouTube live chat embedded in the video so if you are on the Tik Tok live chat today when you watch today's video you'll be able to see your name and your little profile picture there in the video as well you're a part of the show you're a part of the show so uh yes I'm on every weekday Monday to Friday at 400 p.m. Eastern Standard Time so you got to figure out what time that is in your time zone if you want to make sure you join me right on time for another live show where I'll be back again tomorrow at 4m. Eastern time okay uh until then AR Ren of AA L Vista I love you so much I appreciate you so much I love spending time with you and I love this time that we get to be with each other on until we see each other again at 400 p.m. eastern time sharp I love you okay and I'll be back on time I was on time today I was on time today