There's two ways to see the world. Some people see the thing that they want, and some people see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want. There's a great story of two lumberjacks, where every morning they start chopping wood at the same time, and every day they stop chopping wood at the same time.
And every day one of the lumberjacks disappears for about an hour in the middle of the day, and every day he chops more wood than the other guy. And this goes on for months. And eventually, the one who works all day, he says, I don't understand.
Every day we start at the same time. Every day we stop at the same time. Every day you disappear for about an hour in the middle of the day, and every day you chop more wood than me. Where do you go for that hour?
And the other lumberjack looks up and goes, oh, go home and sharpen my axe. You know, that if you take an infinite mindset, it's not about how much you can get done each day. It's how much you can get done over the course of a career or over the course of a lifetime.
You got to take vacations, which means you turn off your email, you turn off your phone, and you do not connect to the office. You know, go sharpen your act. I have five little rules that you can follow as you find your spark and bring your spark to life.
The first is to go after the things that you want. Let me tell you a story. So a friend of mine and I, we went for a run in Central Park.
The Roadrunners organization... On the weekends, they host races. And it's very common at the end of the race, they'll have a sponsor who will give away something. Apples or bagels or something. And on this particular day, when we got to the end of the run, there were some free bagels.
And they had picnic tables set up, and on one side was a group of volunteers, on the table were boxes of bagels, and on the other side was a long line of runners waiting to get their free bagel. So I said to my friend, let's get a bagel. And he looked at me and said, ah, that line's too long. And I said, free bagel. And he said, I don't wait.
And I was like, free bagel. And he says, nah, it's too long. And that's when I realized that there's two ways to see the world. Some people see the thing that they want, and some people see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want.
I could only see the bagels. He could only see the line. And so, I walked up to the line. I leaned in between two people, put my hand in the box, and pulled out two bagels.
And no one got mad at me. Because the rule is, you can go after whatever you want. You just cannot deny anyone else to go after whatever they want. So the point is, you don't have to wait in line. You don't have to do it the way everybody else has done it.
You can do it your way, you can break the rules, you just can't get in the way of somebody else getting what they want. Rule number two, take care of each other. The United States Navy SEALs are perhaps the most elite warriors in the world.
And one of the SEALs was asked, who makes it through the selection process? Who is able to become a SEAL? And his answer was, I can't tell you the kind of person that becomes a SEAL. I can't tell you the kind of person that makes it through BUDS.
But I can tell you the kind of people who don't become SEALs. He says the guys that show up with huge, bulging muscles, covered in tattoos, who want to prove to the world how tough they are, none of them make it through. He said the preening leaders who like to delegate all their responsibility and...
Never do anything themselves, none of them make it through. He said the star college athletes, who've never really been tested to the core of their being, none of them make it through. He says some of the guys that make it through are skinny and scrawny. He said some of the guys that make it through, you will see them shivering out of fear. He says, however, all the guys that make it through...
When they find themselves physically spent, emotionally spent, when they have nothing left to give physically or emotionally, somehow, someway, they are able to find the energy to dig down deep inside themselves to find the energy to help the guy next to them. They become SEALs, he said. You want to be an elite warrior.
It's not about how tough you are. It's not about how smart you are. It's not about how fast you are.
If you want to be an elite warrior, you better get really, really good at helping the person to the left of you and helping the person to the right of you. Because that's how people advance. ...in the world. The world is too dangerous and the world is too difficult for you to think that you can do these things alone. If you find your spark, I commend you.
Now, who are you going to ask for help and when are you going to accept help when it's offered? Learn that skill. Learn by practicing helping each other.
It'll be the single most valuable thing you ever learn in your entire life. To accept help when it's offered and to ask for it when you know that you can't do it. The amazing thing is when you learn to ask for help, you'll discover that there are people all around you who've always wanted to help you. They just didn't think you needed it because you kept pretending that you had everything under control.
And the minute you say, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm stuck. I'm scared. I don't think I can do this. You will find that lots of people who love you will rush in and take care of you.
But that'll only happen if you learn to take care of them first. Lesson three. Nelson Mandela is a particularly special case study in the leadership world because he is universally regarded as a great leader. You can take other personalities and depending on the nation you go to, we have different opinions about other personalities, but Nelson Mandela across the world is universally regarded as a great leader.
He was actually the son of a tribal chief and he was asked one day, How did you learn to be a great leader? And he responded that he would go with his father to tribal meetings. And he remembers two things when his father would meet with other elders.
One, they would always sit in a circle. And two, his father was always the last to speak. You will be told your whole life that you need to learn to listen.
I would say that you need to learn to be the last to speak. I see it in boardrooms every day of the week. Even people who consider themselves good leaders, who may actually be decent leaders, will walk into a room and say, here's the problem, here's what I think, but I'm interested in your opinion, let's go around the room.
It's too late. The skill to hold your opinions to yourself until everyone has spoken does two things. One, it gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard. It gives everyone else the ability to feel that they have contributed.
And two, You get the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to think before you render your opinion. The skill is really to keep your opinions to yourself. If you agree with somebody, don't nod yes.
If you disagree with somebody, don't nod no. Simply sit there, take it all in, and the only thing you're allowed to do is ask questions so that you can understand what they mean and why they have the opinion that they have. You must understand from where they are speaking.
Why they have the opinion they have, not just what they are saying. And at the end, you will get your turn. It sounds easy. It's not.
Practice being the last to speak. That's what Nelson Mandela did. Lesson 4. In the 18th century, there was something that spread across Europe and eventually made its way to America called puerple fever. also known as the Black Death of Childbed.
Basically what was happening is women were giving birth and they would die within 48 hours after giving birth. This Black Death of Childbirth was the ravage of Europe and it got worse and worse and worse over the course of over a century. In some hospitals, It was as high as 70% of women who gave birth who would die as a result of giving birth.
But this was the Renaissance. This was the time of empirical data and science. And we had thrown away things like tradition and mysticism. These were men of science.
These were doctors. And these doctors and men of science wanted to study and try and find the reason for this black death of childbirth. And so they got to work studying. And they would study the corpses of the women who had died.
And in the morning they would conduct autopsies, and then in the afternoon they would go and deliver babies and finish their rounds. And it wasn't until somewhere in the mid-1800s that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes realized that all of these doctors who were conducting autopsies in the morning weren't washing their hands before they delivered babies in the afternoon. And he pointed it out and said, guys, you're the problem.
And they ignored him and called him crazy for 30 years. Until finally somebody realized that if they simply washed their hands... It would go away.
And that's exactly what happened. When they started sterilizing their instruments and washing their hands, the black death of childbed disappeared. The lesson here is, sometimes you're the problem.
And my point is, is take accountability for your actions. You can take all the credit in the world for the things that you do right, as long as you also take responsibility for the things you do wrong. It must be a balanced equation. equation. You don't get it one way and not the other.
You get to take credit when you also take accountability. I'll tell you a true story. A few months ago, I stayed at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas.
It is a wonderful hotel. And the reason it's a wonderful hotel is not because of the fancy beds. Any hotel can go and buy a fancy bed. The reason it's a wonderful hotel is because of the people who work there.
If you walk past somebody at the Four Seasons and they say hello to you, you get the feeling that they actually wanted to say hello to you. It's not that somebody told them that you have to say hello to all the customers, say hello to all the guests, right? You actually feel that they care. Now, in their lobby, they have a coffee stand. And one afternoon, I went to buy a cup of coffee, and there was a barista by the name of Noah who was serving me.
Noah was fantastic. He was friendly and fun. And he was engaging with me, and I had so much fun buying a cup of coffee, I actually think I gave a 100% tip, right? He was wonderful. So as is my nature, I asked Noah, do you like your job?
And without skipping a beat, Noah says, I love my job. And so I followed up, I said, what is it that the Four Seasons is doing that would make you say to me, I love my job? And without skipping a beat, Noah said... throughout the day, managers will walk past me and ask me how I'm doing, if there's anything that I need to do my job better. He said, not just my manager, any manager.
And then he said something magical. He says, I also work at Caesar's Palace. And at Caesar's Palace, the managers are trying to make sure we're doing everything right. They catch us when we do things wrong.
He says, when I go to work there, I like to keep my head under the radar and just get through the day so I can get my paycheck. He says, here at the Four Seasons, I feel I can be myself. So we in leadership are always criticizing the people.
We're always saying, we've got to get the right people on the bus. I've got to fill my team. I've got to get the right people. But the reality is, it's not the people. It's the leadership.
If we create the right environment, we will get people like Noah at the Four Seasons. If we create the wrong environment, we will get people like Noah at Caesar's Palace. Number five. My favorite one of all, true story. There was a former Undersecretary of Defense who was invited to give a speech at a large conference, about a thousand people.
And he was standing on the stage with his cup of coffee and a styrofoam cup. And he took a sip of his coffee and he smiled and he looked down at the coffee. And then he went off script. And he said, you know, last year I spoke at this exact same conference.
Last year I was still the undersecretary. And when I spoke here last year, they flew me here business class. And when I arrived at the airport, there was somebody waiting for me to take me to my hotel. And they took me to my hotel and they had already checked me in and they just took me up to my room. And the next morning I came downstairs and there was someone waiting in the lobby to greet me and they drove me to this here same venue and handed me a cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup.
He says, I'm no longer the undersecretary. I flew here coach. I took a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself in. When I came down the lobby this morning, I took another taxi to this venue. I came in the front door and found my way backstage, and when I asked someone, do you have any coffee, he pointed to the coffee machine in the corner, and I poured myself a cup of coffee into this here styrofoam cup.
He says the lesson is, the ceramic cup was never meant for me. It was meant for the position I held. I deserve a styrofoam cup. Remember this.
As you gain fame, As you gain fortune, as you gain position and seniority, people will treat you better. They will hold doors open for you. They will get you a cup of tea and coffee without you even asking. They will call you sir and ma'am and they will give you stuff. None of that stuff is meant for you.
That stuff is meant for the position you hold. It is meant for the level that you have achieved of leader or success or whatever you want to call it. But you will always... deserve a styrofoam cup. Remember that.
Remember that lesson of humility and gratitude. You can accept all the free stuff. You can accept all the perks. Absolutely, you can enjoy them, but just be grateful for them and know that they're not for you.
We're asking our youngest generation to work and succeed and find themselves and build their confidence and overcome their Addiction to technology and build strong relationships at work. We're asking to do this. And these are the environments we've created.
We keep saying to them, you're the future leaders. We're the leaders now. We're in control.
What are we doing? This is what empathy means. It means if there's an entire generation struggling, maybe it's not them.
It's like, you know, the only thing that the common factor in all my failed relationships. Me. Same thing. Oh, we just can't get the right performance out of our people.
Maybe it's you. Right? It's not a generation.
It's not them. They're not difficult or hard to understand. They're human beings like the rest of us, trying to find their way, trying to work in a place where they feel that someone cares about them as a human being.
By the way, that's what we all want. In other words, it's not even generational. It's all of us.
This is the practice of empathy. That if we're struggling to communicate to someone, if we're struggling to help someone be at their natural best, I'm tired of people saying to me, how do I get the best out of my people? Really?
That's what you want? They're like a towel. You just wring them. How can I get the most out of them?
No. How do I help my people be at their natural best? Right?
We're not asking these questions. We are not practicing empathy. We have to start by practicing empathy and relate to what they may be going through.
And it will profoundly change the decisions we make. It will profoundly change the way we see the world. We're growing up in a Facebook, Instagram world.
In other words, we're good at putting filters on things. We're good at showing people that life is amazing even though I'm depressed. Right? And so everybody sounds tough and everybody sounds like they got it all figured out and the reality is there's very little toughness and most people don't have it figured out.
And so when the more senior people say, well what should we do? They sound like this is what you gotta do. And they have no clue.
So you have an entire generation growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations, right? We know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine. That's why when you get a text, it feels good.
Right? It's why we count the likes, it's why we go back ten times to see if, and if it's going, if my Instagram is going slower, did I do something wrong, do they not like me anymore, right? The trauma for young kids to be unfriended, right? Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke, when we drink. and when we gamble.
In other words, it's highly, highly addictive. That's basically what happened. You have an entire generation that has access to an addictive, numbing chemical called dopamine through social media and cell phones as they're going through the high stress of adolescence. Why is this important?
What's happening is because we're allowing unfettered access to these dopamine-producing devices and media, basically it's becoming hardwired, and what we're seeing is as they grow older... Too many kids don't know how to form deep meaningful relationships. Their words, not mine. They will admit that many of their friendships are superficial.
They will admit that their friends, that they don't count on their friends, they don't rely on their friends, they have fun with their friends, but they also know that their friends will cancel on them if something better comes along. Deep meaningful relationships are not there because they never practiced the skill set and worse, they don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. So when significant stress starts to show up in their lives, They're not turning to a person, they're turning to a device, they're turning to social media, they're turning to these things which offer temporary relief.
I believe loving your work is a right and not a privilege. I despise the fact, I lament the fact, I curse the fact that so few people get to say, I love my job, as if they'd won some lottery. You know, you go out with your friends and somebody says, I love my job, and everybody goes, oh my God, you're so lucky, right?
That to me is madness. Everybody, the vast majority, should get to wake up and say, I love my job. my job. It is a right. It is a God-given right that we should love where we work.
And we should demand it. We should demand that our leaders provide an environment in which we want to come, where we want to care about each other, where we feel safe to express our vulnerabilities and our fears and our concerns, that we're open to correction and discipline and feedback, that we're not defensive because we know that it's being given to help us improve and grow. And we want to improve and grow. And in turn, we will help others improve and grow.
Because when we feel safe, When we feel that our leaders care more about us than a number, they care more about our lives and our confidence and our joy and our skill set more than some short-term gain, that they care more about our priorities than the priorities of some disinterested external constituency, then we will respond in kind and we will offer our blood and our sweat and our tears and we will make sacrifices of all kinds. to see that our leaders vision is advanced and that this company continues to thrive. Not for them, for ourselves. It becomes deeply personal.
It becomes something we love contributing to. I talk about it all the time. Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.