how do you get whatever you want take a minute to think about a recent situation in which you wanted something from another person maybe you wanted your partner to clean the dishes or maybe you wanted a promotion from your boss or maybe you wanted a person at a party to go on a date with you well how did you get it in an ideal world we could all just ask for things that we want from people and then they would comply but the world is not perfect and we can't get everything that we want on the first try so how do we get what we want well there are a lot of honest ethical answers to this question but there are also unethical answers if you attempt to get what you want through deception lies or indirect tactics you are using a form of manipulation and in this video I'm gonna be going over the 11 tactics of manipulation I'm not giving you these tools so that you can go out and manipulate others think of this video as a warning video people are trying to manipulate you all day long and if you can spot the signs of manipulation you can see through them and have more control over your own decisions and your relationship with others so let's get started with the 11 tactics of manipulation number one charm we all know someone who uses a wink and a compliment to get what they want people want to feel attractive and wanted manipulators play into these feelings by being charming they believe that when a person starts to get a little flirty they'll start to be attracted to the manipulator it'll be more likely to submit to the manipulators demands number two is coercion this tactic isn't all fun and flirty when someone is coercing another to do something they may use fear of harm or threats they might say if you don't help me rob this bank I'll kick your dog the person being coerced may feel as though the consequences of not doing the action are worse than doing the consequences of the action number three is silent treatment silence is a surprisingly effective manipulation and negotiation tool silence makes us all anxious if someone is silent or they refuse to speak we may feel the urge to give in to their desires or give them something they want just to break the silence number four is reason not all manipulation tactics are unethical but they may be used unethically reason is a great example of this type of manipulation tactic people use reason or logical arguments to get what they want they may tell a person or maybe even themselves something like if you helped me rob this bank you'll be able to feed your family there's nothing really inaccurate about that though right when it's hard to argue against someone who uses reason as a manipulation tactic you may be more likely to break down and give them in a B later what they actually want number five is regression when two people reason with each other like adults it can be easy for both parties to hold their ground but when one person reverts to acting like a child things might go haywire this is a regression tactic a person may whine cry or pout to get their way people may give in simply because they want the childish behavior to stop number six is self abasement not all manipulation tactics involve insulting or forcing the other person to do something if a manipulator uses self abasement to get what they want they will humble themselves self abasement may be used when a manipulator wants someone to forgive them believe them or maybe make efforts to strengthen a relationship self abasement if you don't already know is basically whenever you humiliate yourself people do this all the time with something called self-deprecating jokes however it is a form of manipulation number seven is responsibility invocation let's say you're considering getting your nails done it's easy to just decide no I'm not gonna get my nails done however if you've already booked an appointment it's not so easy to just skip out and not get your nails done responsibility invocation uses these types of obligations to convince someone to follow through with plans that they've made a manipulator might say things like but you've promised or I've already booked the reservations that way they can make saying no a lot harder number eight is called hardball hardball tactics take coercion to the next level while someone may use coercion to install the fear of harm hardball tactics actually cause harm or bodily injury if there's someone like this in your life get away as soon as possible number nine is pleasure induction from any pleasure induction is a harmless manipulation tactic when someone invokes the pleasure induction tactic they're simply telling the person that they action that they were trying to get them to do will be fun and that the person will enjoy it come on it'll be fun what's the harm however it's still a form of manipulation number ten is social comparison the social comparison theory describes how we compare ourselves to others many people measure their success their attractiveness and the presence of personality traits through the comparison of others manipulators know this tendency really well they will use social comparison to convince you to take action your friend at work does this for her partner the celebrity in this magazine is on this diet and you should be too but he wears glasses and he's really attractive number eleven is monetary reward manipulators play into a person's greed by offering the money to a commit acts that they normally wouldn't commit if you were offered a million dollars would you commit a crime so now that we've gone through the 11 tactics of manipulation who are master manipulators so let's break down some stereotypes here women are often framed as master manipulators well this just isn't true there are no sex differences in the tactics of manipulation research shows that men and women equally perform these tactics you can just watch any pickup artists work his magic on YouTube in the myths of women being manipulators will disappear before your eyes something else I want to talk about in this video is how do the tactics of manipulation show up in the big five traits manipulation tactics show up pretty frequently in the book The Prince Machiavelli is one of the world's most famous manipulators he's so infamous at one of the dark triad personality traits is actually named after him people who are more Machiavellian are more likely to use and also justify their use of manipulation tactics they believe that they are above ethics and they deserve to get what they want even if it's through manipulation the connection is rather obvious but there are also some connections between the tactics of manipulation and the other Big Five personality traits so let's take a look at them extraversion people who score high in extraversion are more likely to use coercion and responsibility invocation this is most likely because you are comfortable being around other people what about agreeableness people who score high and agreeableness are more likely to use pleasure induction and reason to get what they want these two manipulation tactics are some of the most ethical they convince people that they will get something positive out of taking certain actions and conversely people who are disagreeable are more likely to seek revenge on people through coercion in the silent treatment now let's move on to conscientiousness similar to agreeable nasur high on conscientiousness are more likely to choose reason over other manipulation tactics and I think this is because OCD people are more likely to follow rules and think logically and because of this reason is very attractive to them now on the other hand people who score low and conscientiousness are more likely to pick tactics that are potentially criminal like coercion or unlawful types of monetary reward in fact the opposite of conscientiousness is sometimes called impulsiveness number four is openness people who score high for openness are more likely to use reason and sometimes pleasure and duck and responsibility invocation successful reasoning often requires a higher understanding of logic or even a higher intelligence and usually high openness and high intellect are commonly linked conversely people who scored low and openness are more likely to use social comparison so as you evaluate relationships in your life keep an eye out for master manipulators and the signs of the following manipulation tactics the more you know about manipulation the easier it will be to see these tactics at work and gain more control over the decisions you make and if you want to maybe you can manipulate someone into doing something good for example watching the rest of the videos on this personality series I hope you guys enjoy this video and if you want to know what your Big Five personality traits are actually have a free quiz that you can take in the description below thank you so much for watching this video and I hope you learned something