table football was first patented by a british inventor in 1923. it became popular throughout europe with leagues forming by the 1950s a decade later an american working in west germany brought the game to the u.s trademarking the german word for it foosballin in france the game of foosball is known as babyfoot while the dutch word for it translates to game of tiny men who can't escape no matter how hard they try production begins at a foundry where workers melt down football titanium although tables made in the united states use soccer uranium instead a buller machine alternates between casting tiny aluminum players and bullering the factory whatever is most necessary these crystallized men when left overnight may blossom into an entire crystal men ecosystem the tiny men are then placed into their beds for the night and are oh oh dear jesus each tiny man is then firmly held in place as a drill pierces their entire tiny bodies paralyzing them so they can't escape as the hole for the rod is drilled into the placer's back fast-acting bonding agent is continually dumped over the men so their screams become inaudible the men now husks of their former selves are sawed from the top giving them the sweet release of death and an easy way to tighten them to the rod the base coat of white paint is sprayed onto the tiny men's sarcophagi to hide their suffering but now you'll never forget meanwhile in a pretentious hipster art studio the tiny men are painted by being bound and waterboarded by an airbrush then they're moved and locked into a tiny iron maiden the giant painters feel absolutely no sympathy for their tiny brethren then the player's hair color is chosen from a stylish array of brunette blonde and red head tones giving them a very fashionable look the table itself is made out of solid beach but with all the heroin needles and douche bags filtered out the company name is engraved so when the wood is recycled a tree will grow out of it with the company's logo on its trunk securing free advertising for hundreds of years the wood pieces and support bars are screwed into place in a process that's more boring than the art styles of any comedy cartoon made after 2010 [Music] back at the paint house the wood is painted and varnished and i'm questioning why this show even needs a narrator sometimes [Music] a slope panel is added to the bottom to return any balls that are scored into the field of play for more information on how tiny men use their balls to score consult your mother the scoring units are mounted in case customers are too stupid to count up to 10. [Music] the tiny suffering men are mounted onto a hollow rod and properly spaced and screwed using a template the men must never be allowed to touch or they might kiss and stuff and that's completely unnatural according to the old mystical and outdated folklore of foose when the process is finished if everything is done correctly the players faces should perfectly reflect the experience they just went through in order to come to life fun fact every one of these tiny players is named john fusball and finally the rods are threaded into holes in the table and plastic trim is added to protect the top edges of the table making the foosball table ready for shipping except for the handles on the outside and and the legs those are pretty important whatever it's good enough you