Beverly there's often a need for us to confront clients and the work that we do what are some ways that we can approach confrontation respectfully that's a very good question um I noticed that uh some some staff who are very nice people avoid confrontation because they feel as though it's going to be an attack on somebody and they're not comfortable with attacking folks now I think that kind of kind of Confrontation is negative confrontation it's not going to be effective so I think about what I want confrontation to do here's what usually happens I see somebody doing something that's going to be that's nonproductive for example I see them not attending their activity I see them not solving a problem I see them not making a plan I see them not following through or I see something that's really hard I see or notice body odor or an appearance that's going to be a problem I see that as a problem I think it's going to stand in the way of they're being able to do what we want them to do and I need to bring it to their attention now I got to think about something confrontation is best done when there is a relationship if you got a good relationship for example with a long-term friend they can say lots of things to you that perfect strangers can't say so as I think about doing the confrontation I've got to think about is this relationship such that this person can hear this from me and do something about it because I don't want to just attack them I want to bring it to their attention so that they will change the behavior that I think is standing in the way so that means I got to think about the relationship that I've got with the person and will it allow will it allow me to confront them about this particular issue well but sometimes I've got to confront somebody when the relationship isn't that strong okay um sometimes we're in the position of that I you know I don't have I I see something that's standing in the way of this person being able to move forward uh the relationship isn't strong so I've got to confront it now I got to think about the words that I use uh certain words will send people off examples what you need to do is the problem with you is what's wrong with you is everything after you say after those words they did not hear they go click so if I know those words will cause people not to hear what I say then I change the words I say for example is it possible that perhaps maybe can we look at it this way because those words tend to keep people's ears open so they don't dismiss everything that I had planned to say uh after that so confrontation again is another tool in that box I confrontation requires that I've done some good listening before confrontation requires that I've asked some good questions it's not a skill I can use right off the bat it's a much tougher skill to do so I have to think very carefully about when I use it how I use it so that it does not become an attack on per people uh so that it's done in a respectful way but it brings something to their attention that I think is a problem and then thinking about how do I how do I introduce that to them in a way that would want to make them uh do something about it change it because that's what I'm really about really after is getting them to change their behavior uh not just tell them what's wrong