the five languages of apology is a book that I co-authored with Dr Jennifer Thomas Dr Thomas came to me and said I've been using your book the five love languages for years in my counseling but I also believe that people have different apology languages and I said what do you mean well she said I think that what one person considers to be an apology is not what another person considers to be an apology so people are really missing each other even though they're trying to apologize well immediately I identified with that idea because they've been in my office for years and she would say I would forgive him if he would just apologize and he would say I did apologize and she would say you did not apologize and he says I told you I'm sorry and she said that's not an apology so I realized that what Dr Thomas was saying was true but I said to her why don't we research it make sure it's true and maybe you and I can write a book together so for two years we researched the topic to find out how people typ Ally apologize to each other and we discovered that there were five basic apologies we were not looking for five we just discovered five and also that people have different apology languages and so if you don't express your apology in a language that the other person will understand or feel then they consider you have not apologized so in this book we spell out the five apology languages uh expressing regret I'm really sorry I feel badly about that accepting respons ibility I was wrong should not have done that making restitution what can I do to make this up to you expressing the desire to change repentance I don't want to do this again and requesting forgiveness and we help people discover what is the apology language of the other person so that when you realize you need to apologize you can do it in an effective manner this is not a book just for married couples it's a book for all human relationships we talk about how this works in the business world as well as how it works in family life