this is coach lee and in this video i'm going
to share with you five games that x's play when they want you back take a quick second click
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just because your ex is doing one of these things does not necessarily mean that they want
you back but especially if you combine it with other things that they do like other games that
i'm going to describe or if they are staying in contact with you or if you notice the same
thing being done several times then it gives you a good idea that there's a good chance that
they want you back or at least they aren't sure which usually means you're doing the right thing
which in this case should be the no contact rule so click that subscribe button and if at any point
you decide you like this video hit that thumbs up so the first game that you might notice
your ex playing if they want you back is one that's familiar to a lot of you and it's
mentioned in the comments quite a bit but your ex will pitch friendship and if this happens the
day of the breakup it's not necessarily a game when it's a game is when it happens a few weeks
after the breakup and a lot of times the reason that's happening is because your ex feels
that distance and they don't want the distance but because they don't trust that they want
you back already especially since most breakups take a long time to actually come to fruition
in other words your ex didn't just wake up and decide to break up with you but thought about
it for weeks months sometimes even years before finally making that decision and so your ex is
not going to be quick to trust themselves just because they think they might want to get back
together with you or just because they miss you it takes some time where they experience
that longing that missing you that doubt for a while before your ex is actually really
going to trust it some people it's quicker than others i mean some people cannot handle even
for a few days but a lot of times most of the time even it takes longer than that so a lot of
times what they'll do they will pitch friendship because they don't want you to get too far away
now who would not want you to get too far away it would be someone who's interested in being
with you they don't want you to get too far away and so friendship is like a great way in their
mind of keeping an eye on you keeping you close enough that they could get you back they wanted
you just making sure you don't get so far away that they can't get you back and you've probably
heard me talk about this in other videos where really the key point among the stages that an ex
will go through after they break up with you and i have a video about that called stages your ex goes
through during no contact and i'll link to that in the description below but basically the key
stage is when they start to experience loss that is they see that you can stay away from them and
they start to actually realize you could move on and that they could not just get you back
whenever they wanted which is something they assumed basically since they broke up with you
because since it was their decision to break up with you the basic assumption is that they could
get you back whenever they want it now they may not consciously think those words but that's kind
of the gut feeling that they have is that since they are the dumper since they broke up with you
they could get you back that you're the one that can be gotten back that their feelings their
feelings are in question not yours and so when there's a little bit of a crack in that is when
good things can happen if you want your ex back you would think of that as good things and
one of those is that they would play this game hey let's still be friends and they might even
make an effort let's go hang out as friends and in other videos and in my emergency breakup kit
i talk about how you can kind of use that against them because you don't want to accept friendship
but you also don't want to act like a jerk and say no i'm not going to accept friendship do not
contact me again unless you're ready to get back together in a relationship because what
that will do is it makes the hurdle so high that any little bit of doubt will prevent them
from reaching out because they will realize that you're going to think okay they're contacting
me again so they must be ready to get back in the relationship when sometimes they kind of
want to see if they are they want to see how you react to that that's human nature and for us
to expect anything different is a little bit silly so there are ways to use that against them without
just outright accepting friendship or at least not acting on it which is the biggest thing
and that is you don't act like a friend so you would still be flirty you would still
treat them someone that you're interested in without simply propping up their
ego in other words you wouldn't compliment them and tell them how miserable
you've been without them and those kinds of things but you would treat them as a confident person you
being the confident person who you're interested in and you feel like you could get if you wanted
and like i said i get into that a lot more my emergency breakup kit which i will link to in the
description below and i have some other videos where i do talk about that some as well but not in
as much detail as the kit the next game that your ex could play if they are interested in getting
back together with you is that they are mad at you because you haven't contacted them and a lot
of you have mentioned this in the comments it's interesting that they break up with you but
you're the jerk because you haven't reached out to them now this happens in a minority of cases
most people get it when they break up with you and you don't reach out to them they understand
that's actually a mature and natural response when someone has said that they don't want you
in their life anymore and you give them what they say they want that's actually a mature response
you simply aren't going where you're not welcome and it's actually a very attractive response the
no contact rule works very well does it work every single time no and sometimes people will get upset
and say it didn't work for me so it doesn't work well it does work but it doesn't work every time
i wish that it did but sometimes a breakup can be a blessing in disguise and i have a video
about that as well which i will link to in the description below but i hope that you're able
to get your ex back and if they want you back it's very possible that they will reach out and
say that they're upset at you or hurt because you haven't reached out to them and your response
when they do is actually key what you want to do is play this as casually as you can no big deal
you're not going to return anger for anger you're simply going to say oh i've been so busy i didn't
mean to hurt your feelings just lot's been going on something like that just be casual a little
bit flippant that it's not that big of a deal to you because it really shouldn't be you should
not apologize and just fall all over yourself as though you've done something wrong because you
haven't at the same time explaining to them that that's what happens when two people break up
is tempting but i would suggest you don't do it because it will actually make you look a little
bit more in that role of being the person who still wants to get back together as though you're
punishing them for the breakup even though you're not but it can look that way and so i suggest that
what you do is just play it off casually i've been busy i hate that i hurt your feelings or i didn't
mean to hurt your feelings and then just say something like i hope you're doing well and let
the conversation fade don't try to carry it don't ask questions about how they're doing don't ask
about what's going on with work or with their pet or anything like that just let the conversation
end unless they keep going in which case you can respond casually politely i go over this
in other videos that you should not ignore them and i won't repeat that too much except to say
that if you ignore them a lot of times people will just give up thinking they've blown it with
you and won't reach out again and if you want them back that's not what you're going for at the same
time you want to be casual you don't want to tell them how much you missed them and all that but
don't ignore them it's okay also to simply say great talking to you let's catch up later i need
to get going and to end the conversation that way but when they reach out and tell you they're
mad that you haven't been contacting them just be casual show them they can't affect you and that
means taking you off show them they can't do that because you are your own person and at the moment
they are not a part of your life and so they don't get to the third game that your ex might
play if he or she is interested in getting back together with you is what i call the jealousy bait
and they want you to see them with somebody else a romantic partner potential and they want you
to see that and get upset and reach out to them maybe they post pictures online they're out to
dinner with the opposite sex they are in a group of people and maybe they've got their hand on
someone's shoulder just things like that that they are hoping you'll see and that it will make
you reach out beg for them back try to see how they're feeling try to get together with them and
what they're really doing is using you for an ego boost now they still could want you back but they
also want that ego boost because really x's a lot of times after they've broken up with you will
kind of go through these selfish phases where they want you to validate them and make
them feel sexy because when they break up with you they feel attractive and sexy because
they're above you since they broke up with you and if you don't act like that's the case in
other words if you use the no contact rule and you're not chasing and begging and trying to get
them back then it kind of throws a wrench into their assumptions and they think wait i thought
i was more attractive because i broke up with her or because i broke up with him but maybe i'm
not more attractive because he's not acting like it she's not acting like it and so they want you
to start acting like it so they feel sexy again and it's a way that they can use you to build up
their ego and a lot of times when they're wanting you back they want you to build up their ego a
little bit so they have courage enough maybe to pursue you or so that they simply have an easier
breakup because they think they could get you back whenever they want you because you're just
so darn attracted to them and it's important to just let them hear their own echo when it comes
to this stuff don't comment when they post social media pictures of them with other people don't
respond to their friends or mention it to their friends and if their friends mention it to you
your ex can have all kinds of flying monkeys spies whatever you want to call them who are going
to tell them every little tidbit that you say and trust me on this one even if you think that
these are mutual friends and you can trust them uh if i had a dime for every time i told someone
just don't talk to these people about the breakup or the relationship don't tell them you want the
person back don't tell them you're struggling and for some reason people just want to convince
me that no this person even though they're mutual friends with the two of us i can trust
them they're not going to say anything they almost always do and they tell me i wish
i had listened because they went to my ex they told him they told her that i was really
struggling with it that i had cried that i was just staying home depressed all those things
and sometimes the person who tells them has great intentions because people tend to overestimate
their ability to help you get your ex back because they think if they just go
have a good talking to with your ex that that'll fix it you thought that probably too
that if you could just talk to your ex you could fix this and get them back but i have a video
about that where i talk about how just having a good talk trying to talk your ex back into it will
not work because they're not in the right place in terms of how they feel and think and that takes
time but your friend doesn't know this and so they will go to your ex on your behalf
even if you swear them by blood oath not to they think that you will be perfectly fine with
it because it'll get your ex back and now this friend is your hero that can happen or this friend
could really not be that good of a friend to be making fun of you to your ex there's just really
too much risk involved talk to a counselor or a family member or maybe a friend who does not
know your ex or isn't a friend with your ex but don't talk to the mutual friends and if they
say that your ex oh yeah she went out with this guy this weekend or he went out with this girl
this weekend or whatever if they tell you that sometimes they're doing it to see what your
response is because they've been asked to by your ex and your ex is wanting to know they could
get you back whenever they want you they want to see if that stings when you hear it they want to
know that all they have to do is say the word and they could get you back and it makes them feel so
sexy knowing that and so they want to see because goodness they want to feel that so that they
can look in the mirror and be impressed with themselves and so what you want to do is not give
them any of that so if i were you i would either change the subject or respond casually like oh
that's great and then go on to another topic but don't give them anything with that and try to get
away from that person because that's really going to be something you should be suspicious of if a
mutual friend is telling you that your ex went out with somebody else the weekend before because
why would they do that to you unless there's ulterior motives and a lot of times your ex is
behind it game number four that your ex can play if they want you back is the are you okay message
and a lot of times when they don't hear from you they will reach out with that and you think well
that's really nice of them they're checking on me maybe but very likely what they're doing is they
are wanting you to as i said earlier start doing what you're supposed to do you're supposed to
make them feel really good about themselves you're supposed to make them feel really sexy
and you should be begging and pleading and trying to get them back and trying to win over this
person trying to get back in their good graces and you're not doing that and so it's almost
like prodding an animal when they're in a cage trying to get them to move they want you to
move they want you to show them you're still interested and so it's again important to be
really casual don't say that you're just doing so awesome that it's the best you've ever felt
in your life because that will seem fake just say i'm doing good i've had a good week hope you're
doing well again casual and polite and simple do not carry the conversation if they
do you may respond but there's no need to carry it you want to just let it fade away
because it's not under the right circumstances and because it shows you're not chasing and
so you're not behaving like you should be you're not demonstrating that you still want them
back and you're still attracted to them and that can make them demand that you do it more and it
can even cause anger and so they might reach out ask if you're okay as though since they haven't
heard from you they can only assume something's wrong which is ridiculous after breaking up with
someone but it is a game because they're trying to get you to start the conversation back and really
participate and show them how attractive they are and that you're still interested don't do it just
stay casual and do like i've suggested and you'll be just fine you'll stay in no contact basically
and they will still feel and have to realize the true breakup and the fifth game that your
ex can play they want to come back together is over the status of their stuff they will tell
you they want to come get their stuff or that they want you to come get your stuff but then
maybe it doesn't happen or they cancel and they mention it again a few weeks later and they're not
getting their stuff and sometimes the reason for that can be that your ex wants to kind of have a
trojan horse with you they want to have an excuse later to come get their stuff or they simply
can't bring themselves to get their stuff or to send your stuff back because they feel like that
that would be losing kind of the final straw the final piece of the relationship and they're kind
of wanting to hold on a little bit that's usually a good sign if you want your ex back and i suggest
that just like with other things you don't make a big deal about this you don't say why are you not
coming and getting your stuff and you don't get upset maybe if they cancel and say hey don't come
get your stuff because i've got to do this and that just don't make a big deal about it and if
they do keep up their end of it in other words if they say i'm coming to get my stuff just be casual
hey good to see you here's your stuff hope you're doing well i've got to get going i've got to get
ready for something something casual like that now if they start trying to have a conversation
don't demand that they leave but as far as your end just like with the texting just kind of let
it fade be polite be casual no big deal remember you're showing them that you're just fine that
they are not affecting you and that you're living your life and you could just move on at some point
and maybe you already have that's what we want to be going through the mind of your ex and that's
what you demonstrate to them the biggest thing that you can do for yourself is to be casual
and show that your ex cannot manipulate you or affect you it's very important because that
is when you show strength which is very important to getting your ex back so take a look at my
emergency breakup kit you can get information on that with the link that i will leave in the
description below if you like this video give it a thumbs up subscribe to this channel this has been
coach lee and as always thank you for watching. you