a sister says how to deal with a careless unromantic husband without being sinful this needs a counseling session unfortunately see a lot of the sisters neglect that the nature of men is different than the nature of women these are from Mars and these are from Venus as they say though they have two arms two legs a head usually a head hopefully but they're different in nature the guys when they sit together they speak about everything except their emotions they speak about cars real estate their work how much they earned what they bought what they sold but never talked about their inner feelings while women talk about nothing except such relationships so-and-so divorced his wife so-and-so got married to a second wife so-and-so betrayed her husband so-and-so did this and that my husband forgot my birthday our anniversary my husband did not know when my first child was born etc all of these things this is how they think women are emotional by nature and this causes a lot of conflict between the spouses when they when they fail to understand the nature of the other party the happiest of husband is that person who always remembers and anticipates and always has the upper hand so he always sent texts his wife I miss you I love you he always remembers that her sister's wedding is next week and he takes the necessary preparations and biases necessary gifts and remembers such important events and the best of wives is that wife that overlooks when her husband forgets that they've been married for so long so many wives give a placement test a quiz on the spot which you were we married in I don't know it's it's feels like a couple of centuries if you ask me but why are you answering in such a fashion it is I've been married to her for more like two hundred and thirty three hundred years she she's so old that when she was born rainbows were in black and white are you not allowed to say such things yeah well it's funny it's funny for you it's funny for the guys it's not funny for her so we have a problem in communication once each party knows how to communicate and how to over look and this is an important issue in Islam known as a telephone meaning to look the other way not every single word that comes out of your wife's mouth you have to interrogate and know the intent behind it move on shrug your shoulders and move on likewise you don't have to question every gesture your husband had done and what did he mean when he said so on showing in front of your father or your mother and why didn't he do this and why did it did he do that life desert does not go on like this marriage cannot continue healthy in such an environment so if your husband is careless if he's not romantic do what you have to do to change him positively you have two courses of action one lecturing reprimanding blaming pointing the finger you did this why didn't you do that and you keep on nagging him until he either divorces you or chooses a second wife because this is not healthy the second course of action can be that you deal with him in a positive way if he's not romantic be romantic without waiting for a response so if he comes on a special night it's nice to have candlelight dinner and he would notice maybe he would not comment now or in the fifth time or on the tenth time but he notices and enjoys what he sees if you buy him a gift if you put a rose on his pillow if you cook him good meals and always be presentable in how you look flying body lotions perfumes wearing your hair in a nice and tidy way putting a nice dress on he'll notice this and after a while he'll enjoy he would be enjoying it and after a while he would be forced to reciprocate whether you tell him or not but it would always be shameful for him not to brush his teeth not to come his hair not to take a shower before kind of intimacy not to wear new clothes not to be romantic and BA and soon inshallah you'll find that he's texting you that he's buying you gifts because you initiated the process but when we start the blaming game you did not do this to me when I did that to you and you have a record book on the fifths of January I bought you a bottle of perfume on the 12th of February I did this and that before Valentine's Day because we don't celebrate Valentine on March on an April and you have a list of everything you had done you didn't do anything how would you build up what kind of a marriage is this such interrogation such nagging is not healthy and living in depression is not healthy either when you start to regret why did I marry this guy he's so careless he's unromantic he is rude he doesn't know how to use diplomacy and use beautiful words his jokes always hurt me and insult me and you live in side of your own shell depressed this is not healthy not for you not for the marriage not for the children so you have to come out of your shell and you have to look at the bigger picture you have to try and work on yourself and your lowest self-esteem you have to think positive of yourself and overlook so many of these trivial issues and do whatever you do for the sake of Allah seeking the pleasure of Allah and you will see the difference insha Allah as the ocean