greetings and salutations desire proverbial boy jeffy here in paris france a little quick weekend trip no big deal i'm actually speaking at the rsd euro summit here next week i'm going to be in dallas texas i'm doing a free event there as well and at this event i'm going to be revealing some of the fundamental ideas for my upcoming program charisma mastery yes it's finally happening so this is going to be a free event so if you ever wanted to meet me ask me a question or perhaps touch me whatever it's going to be your chance so check out the link in the description below and hopefully i will see you there so to me today's video is a very very important one and the topic is social intelligence and myself julian tyler max believe it or not this is all something that we struggled with a great deal when we first started out so as such i have a lot to say about the topic and in this video i'd like to specifically discuss social vibing and insecurity and it's going to be a very focused but very important piece of the overall puzzle so there are many sub-communications that are being telegraphed at all times in any interaction and these are both verbal and non-verbal social interactions have features and customs that i suppose are designed to make them more pleasant as social animals humans we got the unique attribute of actually enjoying socializing just for the sake of socializing in other words we socially vibe and people who actually break this vibe are considered to be socially unintelligent people and despite being perhaps very good and worthwhile people in in their daily lives they're going to come across poorly in interactions now look most people once you get to know them are are probably pretty worthwhile i've rarely met someone who when i was put in a position where i was by circumstance forced to get to know them over time i rarely met someone in that situation that i didn't come to like eventually so what's the difference between somebody who's cool and somebody who is uncool well basically it comes down to the way that they come across in interactions right their level of social intelligence their ability to convey it their ability to telegraph their ability to sub-communicate understanding how to socially vibe this telegraphs that you're secure with yourself failing to understand that socially vibe telegraphs insecurity so in this video we're going to assume that the the early stages of meeting someone right the initial approach is passed and you're in the comfort building stage so first let's look at laughing as vibing now laughter it's not only a stress relief mechanism it's actually a social mechanism laughter basically shows that your social group's vibing well you know lower primates monkeys they can't talk like we can but they still laugh when they're in rapport with each other so think back to a time when you were telling a joke and the group vibe was just very very tight right people probably started to laugh even before you delivered the punch line maybe you even said look guys i haven't even told the joke yet and you're laughing and they can't figure out why and they just laugh even more and more as you say this and if you think about the the movie goodfellas you know the scorsese film in the scene where the joe pesci character he's telling jokes at the restaurant table and everyone's just laughing harder and harder and harder right you know that scene hopefully if you haven't seen it check it out classic film um but the ray liotta character he just cannot stop laughing and it's not even necessarily the the humor of the joe pesci characters jokes it's the it's the overarching vibe people who aren't socially intelligent will laugh at their own jokes right they'll laugh prior to the group starting to even laugh so try to notice that next time somebody laughs at their own joke first like maybe you were just about to laugh but then you didn't after they left first why because they were attempting to fill in the so-called rapport gap when the boss of the office tells the joke everybody laughs when the punk of the company tells the joke he worries that nobody's gonna laugh and so he laughs at his own joke first to fill in the so-called rapport gap so concentrate on vibing and don't actually try to artificially push rapport much much better is to wait until the group laughs and then laugh along with them now this gap is also seen when people say right or you know after all their sentences right they're trying to fill in the right that the other person should have said if they had been socially vibing properly all right so that's just one one element next let's discuss uh rhetorical sequencing when you think about it when we're talking people sometimes often use kind of weird rhetorical sequencing so here's an example let's say you got a guy and he's excited that he got he got a cheap deal on a coat right so in an example of good vibing the guy would be like hey man check out this new coat i got you'll never guess how much i paid for this and the friend's like sure i don't know man 200 bucks it's like no man 45 dollars it's like wow awesome dude right so that's an example of good vibing now conversely let's look at an example of bad money first guy goes up he's like hey man check out this coat you'll never guess how much i got it for it's like oh uh you got a deal um i don't know like 20 bucks the friend's like no 45. oh well i guess it's not that bad so notice what happened there is the friend telegraphed sub-communications of insecurity his internal thought process is probably something along the lines of you know i'll show that i'm smart i'm clever enough to pick up on the fact that that he said you know you'll never guess what i paid that he got a deal so by you know lowballing it'll show him that i i'm smart and i passed his little test so breaking it down a little further his insecurity caused him to miss out on that social binding and the social vibe was intended to build excitement and just a good again a good vibe in the interaction and it wasn't in fact a test at all so the first guy the secure guy although realizing that the coat was probably really cheap he'd still get something lower end but still high enough that if the guy's deal wasn't as great as he thought he'd still feel good about it you know after all he already bought it so why worry about that unless of course you seriously could hook up a massively cheaper deal and return the coat and that would be something that the socially intelligent guy would be able to ascertain before he even suggested it in which case the happiness derived from that would outweigh actually telling the guy that he didn't get the best deal the person who's not vibing right doesn't get something and what he doesn't get is this the purpose of the initial comment is not to actually debate right it's just socially vibe the content was not the real communication it was a surface for sub communication which intended to say hey look let's just have a nice time have rapport with each other enjoy each other's company and relax understand in most cases the vibe is paramount not the content it's not the content that attracts people it's the vibe the insecure the socially unintelligent person is taking the sentences of the first person and fielding them as opportunities to qualify himself so next let's talk about hierarchies and their role in social interactions you know in a big group setting we all get our moment in the sun at some point and you'll notice that when you're holding court you know it's your turn to talk sometimes people in the group are going to be insecure with that so the secure guy he will recognize when it's someone else's turn to hold court and he won't actually fight that so a person who's secure will actually talk to add emphasis to a point he's not going to dispute a point while someone else is holding court he knows he's going to have his chance to talk later and that right now it's it's the other guy's turn right right now someone else is trying to get a point across so people who are insecure you'll notice they'll constantly dispute points whenever they see the opening they view it as an opportunity to demonstrate their value and they simply cannot resist the temptation they just can't resist it right so just as an example think of uh let's say an internet forum right something title get posted and insecure posters will nitpick the semantics of the post right like well this is important but it's maybe an 8 out of 10 level importance not 10 like you said the secure poster if he finds the level of emphasis on like say a level where it's honestly misinformative he might respond yeah look you know xyz that you said are really good i might consider a little less emphasis on it though because abc is important as well but but it's a good post man i like xyz okay another thing that you'll see in kind of the same vein is throwing little insults or trying to come off as authoritative when it's not your place so for example you'll see people that are trying to get rapport with other people that they don't really know on that level by throwing little insults at them so you know if you have two old friends and they see each other and the one friend sees his buddies like hey steve you old bastard come here give me a hug bruh right that that's warranted because they know each other now with bad vibe you got like a new acquaintance you see steve and he's like hey steve loser come over here help me so the second is bad vibing why because he's trying to force rapport with some communication with a sub communication that's only appropriate of old friends in a similar fashion you'll see guys who try to come across as authoritative you'll see it on the internet you know a guy will post something quality and somebody who doesn't like him will post oh wow that's very quality material good to see you post some something of quality it's like he's trying to come off as authoritative he realizes that he's ripped the guy on the forum before and he feels insecure that the guy he insulted actually produced something worthwhile so he's got to come in and try to be all authoritative like hey i can show everyone that i recognize good content when i see it i'm i'm being real magnamineous here right uh examples irl real life guy i'll see somebody who they publicly disliked starting to improve themselves and they'll say things like hey man good thing that you're improving keep it up so by this they're trying to control what's happening they're trying to say improve because i the authority approved of you so you know a little more on this if you've ever ran a very good presentation say at school or at work and you see an un like an insecure person come up to you and criticize they don't realize it's your turn to hold court their turn is later so what do they do you know they throw little insults at you like they always gotta offer advice and how you could have improved it they can't they just can't be like hey good job man they gotta like nitpick little subtleties they just can't say hey that was awesome they gotta go like first give their two cents on where you messed it up but but it was good right but it was good but you could have improved now finally and perhaps most importantly let's look at the idea that a good social interaction will have vibing as the presupposition right it's not discussing an issue and this is a one that i notice a lot of people simply do not get when socializing a good vibe will be set when the reason for being there is simply to enjoy each other's company but sometimes a bad vibe can be said when the presupposition is that you're there for some specific purpose and look of course there's nothing wrong with purpose okay it has a place and more of my daily interactions have a purpose than those that are simply to socially buy right like at work or you're interacting with a cashier et cetera et cetera however having an understanding that putting a set purpose to an interaction will often stop a nice vibe from occurring this can help in a situation where you're trying to get intimate with somebody who you just met so insecure people will often latch onto a purpose for the conversation as a way of maintaining it and they'll leave on a high note once that purpose is exhausted once that conversational threat is exhausted and this is a huge major cause of flaking right you maintained a conversation with someone but the presupposition was that you were simply discussing an issue right you left on the high note but you didn't realize that you were actually reinforcing to them that you're not socially compatible so when you go to meet up again she'll think well you know we really don't have much in common we really don't have much more to talk about though so i don't want to have nothing to talk about because that would make me feel uncomfortable clinging too strenuously to a particular topic can actually come across the insecure so when you say to a friend hey let's go get a beard the subtext is we're going to go out and we're going to socially vibe you're not going to discuss a specific issue now you have a friendship so look like i said coming to these realizations was something that really took my game to the next level back in the day and that's why i feel it's important to share this video so beyond that i got some big news coming up surrounding the upcoming charisma mastery program i know you've been hearing me talk about this for a while and within the next couple of weeks i'm actually going to be dropping the trailer for this program that gives you the first look at what's contained therein now i know charisma in in the past it's usually been thought of as something that you either have or you don't but with this program i want to change that perception and one of the biggest issues that i see in my life coaching is that people can know all the techniques in the world but there's something blocking them from executing and taking action right something inside them is blocking their energy and if we define charisma quote unquote as energy flow then we can exercise the energies and we can increase the flow but we've got to make sure we got to make sure that nothing's impeding the flow in the first place remove the interference and the charisma will increase and once we do that we isolate the elements that contribute to the flow and exercise them separately before recombining them right remove the obstacles isolate the skills exercise them separately then put them back together in a more completely realized hole and as i said the trailer's dropping soon so be on the lookout for that i'm very excited to bring you the stuff i think it's my best work to date so this has been jeffy from paris france surrounded by bugs here so i'm gonna get off this bridge and i'll see you next time