thanks for joining us America Tory is with us in Cleveland Ohio hi Tory how are you hi Dave how are you doing better than I deserve what's up in your world well I'm preparing for separation and I'm not quite sure what to do with my debt specifically my student loan debt okay a separation from your husband or you John I'm sorry but yes for my husband okay and so you're preparing for a separation how long have y'all been married about 22 years oh my goodness it must be bad it's just that we are just not on the same page anymore and with other things but with money as well and it's just it's just something I just I just don't want to go on with have you guys been seeing a marriage counselor that's something he's not willing to do have you gone no okay please do that for you even if he won't go okay I think it will give you good emotional information 22 years is a long time and you need to have somebody walk with you who's not in the fog if you go through this and or give you some maybe maybe give you some information to give him a little bit of a wake-up call as well but back to your original question I have a friend of mine that teaches divorce recovery recovery after a divorce and I remember many years ago hearing her say divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction and so it comes it's real quickly the emotions are carved off and set over to one side and the actual technical legal financial details are on the other side and it becomes a very transactional kind of thing at that point does that make sense yes and so here's a couple of things to look at your student loans are your student loans they're going to go with you unless you know you may or may not get alimony child support or something else but your student loans are going to go with you and you're going to have to pay them so what is your personal income fifty thousand okay all right and so what you start doing is if this is a direction that you know after seeing a counselor and doing everything you can to save a 22-year investment and with all the help you can get you start preparing for living on your own for fifty thousand bucks a year and you look at your student loans how much don't loaned out have you got are you going to kill me hundred sixty thousand oh my lord okay well how would let them know that this is going on hardship deferral until you get past what else whatever else is going on here okay now do you all own a home yeah what's it worth two hundred thousand what's owed on it one hundred and seventy thousand okay so no equity there don't mount anything all right is your car paid for yeah is his car paid for no okay is your name on that loan no good okay are there any credit cards that have both of your names on them there is one but I refuse to let him use it I'm sorry oh you refuse to let him use it no better than that glue closed that account today just completely closed the credit card if he has the number he can use it if he's one of the users on the car here yeah and if things go sideways emotionally inside your house I have run into situations and thirty years of doing this where somebody takes a Mexico trip and puts it on the card and you don't want to pay for a $5,000 cruise for somebody else you know and it'll end up on this card so close the account today just completely shut it down it's a zero balance yes good close it okay does your checking account have both names on it no okay so your money is separated by March is there any other debt or debt instrument that's open that as both of your names on it no no okay I don't accept your mortgage probably as both your names on it okay so here's what happens you can't afford to keep this house you can't stay there you know so the house that needs to either be refinanced to get your name off of the mortgage or sold you cannot stay on the mortgage and give him the house that would be dumb and people often do that in a divorce they often do that but just you know the negotiation is the car is in his name he keeps his car your car is in your name you keep your car your checking accounts are already separated there's no other debt you get your student loan debt it does he have any big savings or investments or to you and 401ks not big know how much I have I have 10,000 or 1k and I'm not sure what he has but I'm thinking it's about five or six thousand not much at all okay what is his income it's around ninety thousand okay in most states your attorney would have to advise you but in most states you would be do some alimony after 22 years and that will going with your fifty thousand is how you will reset your life and stay out of debt and start working your way through these student loans that are outrageous and they're going to take you some time to work through but you're going to be working extra job you're going to be doing everything else taking any money you can squeeze out of your budget and you are not going to Mexico you've got a mess on your hands okay so unless it's to escape no just kidding but the you know you're gonna be on beans and rice rice and beans you're gonna get the cheapest apartment you can get you're going to stay debt-free and address these student loans as soon as you can get stabilized after the separation which will lead to a divorce unless it leads to you all getting back together okay but you prepare for separation in the same way financially you would prepare for a divorce and that puts you in a position of strength to negotiate in the divorce financially and that's something that you'll have to do and your attorney and you get representation and you'll be ready to pay them pile up money for deposits and for paying them don't pay extra on the student loans until you get the other side of this and I just put them on hardship referral and pay nothing right now but let's get the other side of this but my hope is is that you guys you can see a counselor who can give you some words to say some tools to give Bubba a wake up call maybe the two of you sit down with a coach a counselor and walk you through turning the corner on all of this before you get so far around the corner we can't get you back and maybe you can save this thing that would be best for everybody involved assuming the issues that you have that are causing you such concern or addressed and I'm sure that sounds like it's a pretty long list but is it I don't address them see a counselor for your sake call your pastor say who can I sit down with it can walk me through the right questions to ask myself the right questions to ask him because he may think you're kidding he may think you're bluffing and when you actually move out it may it may wake him up and he may be willing to work on that list at that point I don't know but those kinds of things are best guided by a really good marriage counselor that's really experienced and wise and godly counsel will help you in that situation and I sure hope you guys can turn that around that would be my hope for you it'd be better for all of you financially as well as everything else so good question thank you for joining us hey guys thanks for watching if you enjoyed this video click the subscribe button to get the latest content and check out these other great clips from the show [Music] [Applause] [Music]