What is up beautiful people? It is so good to see you. My name is Tom LaHue and we're going to be talking about Enneagram Type 2s today. So, before we get started, just a reminder in the description below is a link to my website tomlahue.com where you can book Enneagram coaching appointments for yourself or for your relationship. I'm here to help in any way I can. Also, I've got a lot of different courses available. I have some on-demand classes on all kinds of things related to Enneagram, and I'm adding to that list all the time. And I do courses live on Zoom as well. So all of that information can be found on my website. Thanks to my patrons. I really appreciate your support as well. And this comes from, the information today comes from an Instagram post from a friend of mine, Tyler Zock over at the Gospel for Enneagram. And I'll put a link in the description below to his Instagram page. And make sure you check him out and like his page if you don't already. And like my page. Come on, people. Like my page. Instagram, Facebook. I'm working hard to try to make these better. I've focused most of my attention over the years on YouTube, but now I'm spreading out into social media. And so let's talk about the mental health of type 2s or some of the challenges, some of the struggles, you might say. for type twos. Now keep in mind I'm a seven wing six, social seven, married to a sexual two wing one. So my wife Tracy and I have been married for 32 years this October and we dated for four years before that in high school. And we are a seven and a two couple. So I don't understand everything about twos, but I have lived with a two for a long time. And I'm looking at the Instagram post in front of me. I'm just going to be making reference back and forth and talking about my experience with type twos and what I think I can do to help and encourage you in any way I can. So first of all, let me be the first one to say thank you. Thank you for your help. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your generosity and I'm sorry if the people in your life don't tell you thank you enough. They don't give you the appreciation that you deserve. Let me just be the first to say I appreciate you. Thank you for watching this video. Thank you for supporting this channel. And I hope that this video will help in some way, encourage you, and get you back into the game of life if you've gotten kind of knocked out for a while. and I want to see you doing what God created you to do, to bring love and affection and kindness and attention into this world. At your best, you really just are a conduit of the love of God into this world, showering that love and attention, helping people know they matter, helping people remember that they are valuable and that they have worth, and then in your unhealth, remember, you know, this is kind of you just um not feeling loved, not feeling cared for, not sure of your own worth and value. And so the thing that you kind of chase in life is what you actually bring to others when you're doing well. So let's start with number one on this list. And I'm just going to click through these and talk about them. Number one on this list is low self-esteem or low self-worth. Sometimes you as a type two, can struggle with low self-esteem or low self-worth. And so let's read the statement that Tyler's got here. He says, self-doubt and low self-esteem are challenges that I grapple with, needing constant reassurance of my worth. Okay, interesting. You know, remember you are on the worth and value side of the Enneagram, twos, threes, and fours, and all of you guys are kind of struggling with this sense of like, do I matter? Am I important? Do I have value? Do I matter to the people that I care about? Do they give me a message back to me that I am important to them, that I have value to them, that I'm a priority to them? And when you don't get that message back, that you're a priority to people in your life that you're making a priority, it can be very discouraging. And I'm sure that it can be very uncomfortable and can damage the relationship and certainly negatively affect the relationship and negatively affect your own sense of self-worth. And so, you know, I don't struggle with this as much as, you know, maybe I should. I don't struggle with this. issue of low self-worth or low self-value, but I'm sure that all of us at times kind of wonder, you know, do I matter? Am I important? Am I important to the people around me? And I got really thinking about this topic of low self-worth or low self-esteem or low self-value, and I started doing a little bit of thinking about it. And the first thought I had was, why is this a problem? Is this really a problem to not feel great about yourself? I mean, why is this really a problem? And then I started thinking about it and wrote down some notes about it and realized, yeah, you know, it kind of really is a problem because it can... definitely negatively affect your life. And remember, as a type 7, you know, I'm all about how can we live the happiest life, the most positive experience possible? And then I started to think about this, and I recognized this could very negatively affect your life. Like, let me think of some examples. You could develop a very strong fear of rejection. a fear that other people don't like you or other people don't want you around or that they're going to naturally reject you. And remember, twos, fives, and eights are all in a group on the Enneagram called the rejection types. Eights, sort of like, I know people are going to reject me, so I'm going to come against them. Fives, I know people are going to reject me, so I'm going to move away from them. Twos, I know people are going to reject me, so I'm going to overwhelm them. I'm going to overwhelm them with my kindness, with my attention. I'm going to become this better version of myself that they won't reject. There's only two kinds of people out there. Those that love me and those that just don't know me well enough. If I could spend enough time with them, I would overcome the obstacles and I would attach that person and they would know I'm nice, I'm kind, I'm loving, I'm sweet, I'm thoughtful. and what if you don't get that response? I mean, what if you don't get that response from somebody? Well, notice this fear of rejection could lead to you just giving up, you kind of going dark and saying it's not worth it, I'm over it, and you could become very bitter, you could become very detached, you could become very alone and very lonely, and I know some twos that have ended up kind of lonely. You know, the person on the Enneagram that cares most about relationships kind of sometimes can struggle in relationships. And the person that wants most to have loving relationships can sometimes struggle the most to find loving relationships. It's like, you know, very friendly, but not a lot of friends. Very loving, but not really experiencing love. And that's a very sad thing. It's very sad. Difficulty in relationships may struggle to express your needs and your boundaries. That's going to come up more in this thing here on Instagram. Anxiety and depression, sadness, hopelessness, a fear of failure, a fear of criticism. In my experiences, type 1s are probably the most, like never criticize a 1. But type 2s are right next to that. And I think be very careful when criticizing a 2. Because, you know, you're going to take it personally. Or you tend to take it personally. You tend to get very hurt. And hurt's a good word for 2s. Not so much angry. Although you can get very angry. I get it. But I would say hurt. and the tendency to maybe settle for less than you deserve. I mean, think about it. Part of this is I think that you guys are helpers, and so you tend to be attracted to people that need a lot of help, to people that need a lot of help, the people that will appreciate your help. And sometimes this might cause you to end up in relationships that aren't really equal, and they aren't really necessarily good for you. And you may find at times that you've developed a lot of project relationships, like project friends, but they're not really peers and they're not really there for you. They're not really there to listen to you. They're not really there to take care of you. And they don't really care about your best interests at heart. They just need you like they need a counselor. They need you like they need a therapist. They need you like they need a nurse or like they need a mom. And you may find yourself not getting much back. except that feeling that you're making a difference in somebody else's life, which is an important thing, that you feel like you're making a difference, you're helping somebody else. But you also just need friends. You need real people that get you, that love you, that accept you, that affirm you, and that are equal to you and are there to pour into you, not just somebody that always has demands on you. and I know you get a sense of value of being valuable to other people, and it's important to have those project friends, but you also need some real friends that are there to just... love you and care about you and fill you up. And I hope, pause right there. I hope, do you have those friends in your life? Look, you're the friendliest person on the Enneagram. Do you have those kinds of friends in your life? And if you don't, you need to be honest about that. You need to start asking yourself, what do I need to do to really like... let down my guard. And twos can be very guarded people. Let down my guard and let people in and let people love me and let people know me and let people see my failures and see my flaws. And the people that still love me and care about me afterwards, those are my true friends. So what could we do to help with this? This is just the first one, self-esteem or self-worth. Well, So realize that you do have worth whether you recognize it or not or whether other people affirm it or not. It's so much better when other people... Think of yourself as a painting on a wall. So you're going through a museum, there's a painting on the wall and it's this beautiful painting and there's a price tag under it that says $1,200. Now, is that painting worth $1,200? Well, the creator of that painting decided that that painting is worth, or the owner of that painting has decided that this painting is worth $1,200. Now, the painting itself might look at itself and say, gosh, I'm only just, you know, blue and green and yellow, and I'm this picture of a duck floating in a pond, and man, I'm not worth very much. But see, The problem is, is you need to agree with what the owner says about you. And God says you have immense value. Now, other people who walk through the museum, some people will recognize that value and they will say, wow, that's a $1,200 painting, totally worth it. Other people will walk through that gallery and they'll look at that painting and they'll say, $1,200? I'm pretty sure I could paint that myself. I'm pretty sure my kid could paint that. himself. And so, just because other people don't always affirm your worth and value doesn't mean that your worth is somehow diminished. You have worth and value whether other people recognize it or not. And I hope that other people in your life will recognize your worth and value, will remind and communicate that worth and value to you. But, you know, one of the things you can do is remember that God says I have this value, and I need to believe that I have this worth and value. I need to own that value, and I need to find it from within, you might say. Just as you are. And not just because of what you do for other people, but just because you're created in the image of God. Just because you're a person. You always go back to that nursery, that babies in the nursery. If you were to walk into a nursery and you see 10 babies in a nursery, which one of them is valuable and which one's not valuable? they all have immense value. Now, some of the parents may or may not treat that baby as though they have value, but when you look at all those babies in that room, whether they're crying or whether they're sleeping, whether they're smiling, whatever, they all have intrinsic value. And that doesn't change simply because you're 20 years old, 30 years old, because you're divorced, because you lost your job. None of that changes simply because of how life is treating you. you are a person of value and you matter. And I want you to own that. And I realize that, me telling you to own that doesn't make you own that. But set healthy boundaries, treat yourself as somebody who has value. And somebody who has value says, no, sorry, Tom, I can't help you today. Sorry, I wish I could, but I can't because I have to take care of myself too. And you're not being selfish if you take care of yourself. You're not being selfish if you do what's best for you sometimes. Think of yourself as a school bus, right? You want to go around and pick up all these kids and do all this great work and help them realize their dreams, but the school bus has to be maintained or the school bus is going to break down. And when the school bus breaks down, you're not able to bring into this world all that you're capable of. And so it's not selfish for you. to take care of yourself and you know even think of it like this on the enneagram At your best, you look like a four. Okay, your line of integration is the four. That means withdrawn. Think of it like this. Two is a compliant type. So most of your energy is complying to other people, taking care of other people's needs, complying to what needs to be done. And then you're kind of exhausted by that. And at your under stress, you become more assertive, like an eight. But think of it as your growth point is you become more introverted, more withdrawn, and more. moving in toward yourself, developing and growing within yourself, and taking time away from complying with everybody else in their agenda to spending some more time focused on who you are, what matters to you, what's important to you, and taking care of yourself. Personal development, okay? So, number one, low self-esteem. Okay, next. And I won't spend as much time, I think, on these other ones. I really wanted to talk about that one because I think it's such a challenging, difficult thing. Okay, dwelling on past hurts. All right, number two on this Instagram post is for type twos, for challenges, mental health is dwelling on past hurts. Now, let me read the statement. Dwelling on past hurts and negative experiences is a tendency that affects my emotional well-being. So, in other words, I think what's being said here sometimes is that too, you have the tendency to go back in time and focus on how other people's words, actions, comments, attitudes, behaviors negatively impacted you and made you feel uncomfortable, unpleasant, or diminished in some way, or hurt in some way. And I don't think you're trying to do this, but notice how I think it's just kind of automatic. Like you go back and you remember that painful thing somebody said, or you remember that time when they forgot you and left you out, or that time when somebody didn't treat you kindly or fairly, and you have a tendency to sort of put the tent pegs down and dwell on that and maybe rehearse that and then feel all these negative feelings. It becomes very predictable what's going to happen next. just think bitterness, frustration, resentment. These are going to be the natural feelings that would follow from focusing on these things. You say, yeah, but I can't help it. I can't help it. Remember, I can't help but bring it up. Okay, well, just remember, there's a Bible verse, right, where it talks about love. And you guys are the love people on the Enneagram. And one of the verses in 1 Corinthians 13 about love is, love keeps no records of wrong. that's a powerful verse, right? I mean, I get it that you can't, it doesn't mean you forget what people did and said. It just means for your own benefit, sometimes you have to let it go. And I know this is one of those subjects that creates a lot of anxiety and even anger and frustration when you start talking about forgiving. But think of forgiving as like if you are upset with somebody and you're very hurt and you're very angry and you're very let down and this other person is in your life, just think of it like there's a prison cell around you. Okay. And you've kind of locked the other person up in this prison cell of your frustration, hurt, resentment and all that. But just notice, in order for there to be a prisoner in this jail. there also has to be a warden in this jail. In other words, there has to be a prison guard. And think of it like that. As long as you have prisoners to your frustration, anger, resentment, and hurt feelings, you are locked into that prison with them. For every prisoner, there has to be a prison guard. And so both of you end up kind of locked into this prison. and I have worked with a lot of twos in my coaching. I've worked with a lot of twos in their relationship struggles and people who are married to twos or in relationships with twos, and I've seen this so many times. I'll see the partner getting so frustrated because they think, can we just let this go? Can we just move beyond? I get it. I've hurt your feelings. I get it. I've let you down. I get it. I remember the time when I took the job and I didn't talk to you about it first. I remember the time when I... you know, X, Y, Z, fill in the blank. When I did this thing and I hurt your feelings. And those hurt feelings can keep you locked into a prison of, you know, not forgiving and not letting things go so that it sabotages your future. And now as a type seven, I'm very future oriented. Like, can we forgive and move on? And I get it. Sometimes your partner might diminish or minimize their wrongdoing. And just maybe think about it like this. What? What would your partner need to do in order to get out of this prison? Is it possible that they could get out of this prison? Or think of it like a maze. Think of it like a labyrinth. So your partner, the person that loves you, is trapped in a labyrinth. What breadcrumbs do you need to drop so that they could make their way out of the labyrinth and back into your good standing? What would they need to do? What words do they need to say? What do they need to own? Now, you might have to help your partner understand this and say, for example, Tom, I love you, but I need you to acknowledge what you did wrong, and I need you to own your mistake or own your bad judgment or own your nasty comment, and I need you to apologize for that. I need you to make it right. I need you to ask for forgiveness. I need you to admit your wrongdoing. I mean, try to think about what does this person need to do or say in order to come out of this prison? And if you say, well, there's nothing they could do. okay, that's a problem. If there's nothing they could do to make it right, it's never going to be right. And just ask yourself going forward, is this a good strategy? Is this a good strategy for my marriage going forward for the next 10 years or 20 years? What kind of relationship can we have if there's no way for the other person to get back into a close relationship with me? What do you, I mean, pause right here. What do you want? What do you want? Don't you want a loving relationship? Well, of course, Tom, of course I want a loving relationship. Okay. What do you need to do or say to help your relationship get back to a loving, caring place? What does your spouse or your partner need to do or say to get, and is it possible? Is it possible? Because if it's not possible, you know what's going to happen? Your partner is going to become so discouraged, they're going to give up trying. They're just not going to try anymore. They're going to say, you know what? I can't win with this person. They just can't let things go. I can't. They won't get over it. They won't let it go. I can't win with them. So I'm going to stop trying. And what will happen is there will be this independent track that you'll find yourself on. Your spouse will be doing their thing and you'll be doing your thing. And that love. And that affection and that warmth is just going to be lost in the relationship. And the relationship is going to wither up and dry up and die. That's what's going to happen. And you say, yeah, but it's not me. It's them. Okay. Okay. I understand. Ask yourself, what can I do to try to move this relationship closer together? I mean, what do I need to tell my partner? What do I need to tell them? How do they need to apologize? because they may be very unclear as to what you really need or what you really want. Okay, and as a 2, sometimes you remember you can have a hard time knowing what you need or want, too. 2s often struggle with knowing their own needs and feeling selfish for having needs. And as much as you are like a superhero, you're not a superhero. Okay? You can handle so much, and then you can't handle it anymore either. And there's only, there's a limit to how nice you can be in this world with people, because people are crazy, and people are idiots, and people are stupid, and people are nonsense, and they bring it into your world, and you can only be so nice for so long, and then you are going to have enough too. So you're not a selfish person. You're not a bad person if you sometimes just... are exhausted by people too, okay? And have to have needs like the need to get away or the need to hear an apology or the need to take care of yourself. Okay. All right. Sorry about that part about people being stupid, although sometimes people are stupid. I know I can be sometimes. Next, number three is this question that challenges too sometimes is, do I belong? And I would say more than that. It's like, do I matter? Am I important to you? You know, remember, let me just, ooh, this part's painful. But you remember your sin is pride, right? And when your sin is pride, often you're going to have the feeling like, do I matter to these people to the measure at which I think I should? I mean, after all I've done for them, after all the kindness and love and all the harsh things I haven't said that I should have said to them and all the attention and affection and all of the encouragement I've given them. Is this going to be reciprocated? Why isn't this being reciprocated? I don't feel like I'm being given the kind of attention and affection and appreciation that I believe I deserve in this person's life. That is the sin of pride. That's what pride is, is I don't feel like I'm being given the proper treatment or attention or respect or whatever that I believe I deserve after all I've done for them. Now, you can see that this could move you away from the very people that you love the most. And oh my goodness, this is so painful to me that twos often, look at me when I say this, okay? Twos often have the most problems in the relationships that they care the most about. the marriage, the children, the brothers and sisters, the people that matter to you the most are sometimes the most challenging for you to get along with. And this is part of it, is you might not get the feeling that other people that you matter to them. And let me read what he says. Discovering a sense of belonging and establishing my identity can be a continuous struggle. And let me give you an example of how this can happen, okay? If I get excited about something, remember, I'm a seven. so, squirrel, right? I get excited about something, and somebody says, hey, Tom, come outside and look at this new bike I got, okay? So, what do I do? I go, oh my goodness, I need to go see that, and as I'm walking out the door, you know, another person in my house, who's, let's say, a six or a five, says, hey, I want to come, and so, they come with me, and we go out, and we look at the bike, and the two might be thinking, well, I guess they didn't want me to come because they didn't ask me to come. And just realize, like, the rest of us, we may not catch that because we don't necessarily think that way. We just think, hey, I want to come too. I'm barging in and I'm going to push in. and I'm going to say out loud, this is what I want, and they just join us and go out there and take a look at it. But notice as a two, if you tend to be a little bit reactive, like, well, obviously I'm not wanted, or obviously I wasn't thought of, or obviously I wasn't included, and just notice how that, if that kind of thinking jumps into your thoughts. And of course, that's going to make you feel like, well, that's not a good feeling. People don't want me or people didn't ask me or people intentionally left me out. And I work really hard to remember their birthday. And I work really hard to acknowledge their special days or their special moments. and since they're not acknowledging mine, then obviously they're not interested in me, or they don't care about me, and they don't really love me, and whoa, look at how far you're going down the well here. Pause. Pause for a second. Ask yourself this question. If I did this to them, would they be upset? If I went outside and looked at my neighbor's bicycle and forgot to invite them to come look at this, would they have hurt feelings? And chances are they probably wouldn't. Well, if they wouldn't, then you know that they wouldn't necessarily think that you would. It's not natural to them to realize that, oh, this person is, and I know you don't want to think of this about yourself, but this person is a very sensitive person. that if we don't stop and ask them to go with this, they're going to get their feelings hurt, and then they're going to be upset. Like, I wouldn't naturally know to know that, and so... having that space and that grace to say, wait a minute, hold on a second. They're not trying to leave me out here. Maybe they're not trying to leave me out. Maybe I'm just a two feeling left out because twos want to be included. They want to be invited. They want to be wanted. They want to be needed. They not only want you to be happy, but twos want to be the reason you're happy. And when you can just walk out of the room and not think to ask me, okay. Wow, that's stuff that I wouldn't know if it wasn't for the Enneagram, if it wasn't for stuff like this helping me. Okay, so do I belong and fearing that you don't. Again, rejection type, right? Okay, next, I think this is number four, prioritizing the needs of others over my own. Well, that sounds like a good thing for the rest of us. Prioritizing the needs of others over my own. Well, how could this negatively impact you? Well, of course it can. Listen to what he says here. Overloading my schedule with responsibilities and constantly prioritizing the needs of others can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and a lack of self-care. And I would say also great frustration. when you make everybody else the priority and realize when you're doing that, people are going to applaud that. They're going to say, yes, I like this. Make me the priority. Yes, take care of my needs. Yes, nurture me. Nurture me. And you probably have a whole bunch of people in your life that are like, nurture me. But who's nurturing you? Probably not very many people. And this is going to lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. And resentment is a big killer in marriages. It just is. those feelings of resentment and frustration and not feeling cared about and not feeling like you're, like you matter, like you're a priority. Okay, I got some dogs barking, so if you hear that. All right, prioritizing the needs of others over my own. Okay, first of all, let's just say this. It's okay for you to have needs. You're a human being. You have needs. Let me go through a list of some of these needs that you might have in a relationship. You have the need for affection. You need people in your life, especially your primary person, to be positively affected by you. You have the need for affection. You have the need for people to leave nice notes for you, to pat you on the back, to rub their fingers through your hair, if you have any, and to say kind things to you. to touch your hand or to put their hand on your knee or whatever it is. You have a need for affection. You have a need for conversational companionship. You have a need for somebody to talk with you and to listen to you and to show up in a way that connects with you in conversation. You have a need for financial stability in your life. You have a need for somebody to be involved with your family and to love your kids and to love your parents and to relate well with your family. You have a need for recreational companionship, to go out and do fun things together. You have a need for appreciation or admiration or validation, whatever you want to call it. But you have a need for people in your life to affirm you and to admire you and to be a cheerleader for you. Now, I want you to see that there's nothing wrong with having these needs. All of us have these needs. And sometimes your sin of pride can keep you from acknowledging and accepting, you know what, I'm a normal person and I have needs like everybody else and it's okay for me to need things from other people. I'm not being selfish just because I have needs. Now, I don't know what message you got as a little kid. but it may have been that if you are asking for stuff for yourself, then you're being selfish. You're focused on yourself and you need to focus on others. And if you're bored, it's because you're being selfish. You need to focus on how you can help other people. And if you'll make a friend with somebody who has needs, then you'll have a friend for life. And you probably really absorbed that kind of message in life and may not be in touch with the fact that it's okay to have needs. It's okay to be a regular person. I know, you look like a superhero a lot of the time, so we start expecting you to be a superhero. All right, next, resentment and isolation. Oh, there it is right there, resentment and isolation. The fear of being seen as needy or burdensome can make it challenging for me to ask for help and express my own needs, which can result in feelings of resentment and isolation. You know, just think of it like this. You have this superpower of knowing other people need something, and then you tend to have, you know, the impulse to, I ought to be the one to take care of them. Okay, now over time, that might become very cold and calloused, and you might become kind of bitter and say, you know what, I don't care anymore. Okay, but notice this resentment and isolation is you may be surprised to realize that the rest of us don't necessarily have that radar system to pick up on what other people need. In other words, I know what people need, and I try to meet those needs, and then when I have needs and communicate them. and you tend to communicate them kind of passively, and it's because it's hard for you to admit your needs, when other people don't pick up on what you need, well, then obviously they don't care about me. Obviously, they don't really care about me. They're not really tuned into me because I know what they need. How can they not see that I need help? How can they not see that I need some kind of encouragement or some kind of assistance? If they don't see that need, then obviously they don't care about me. okay, and I just want you to see for the rest of us, that's not necessarily obvious. We aren't twos. Let's just say it that way. I'm not a two. You know, the nine is not a two. The one is not a two. The rest of us are not two. So we're not wired the same way. Okay. We're wired differently. Each of us is wired a little differently and we all have our superpowers and we don't have the same superpower a two has. So, that means you have to advocate for yourself and become a little more assertive. You have to say out loud, hey, I need help with this. Can you guys put that down and give me a hand for a second? You're not being a bad person or a selfish person if you do that, okay? And then if people reject it, well, then, yeah, be mad at them, be upset with them. But that resentment and isolation, like I'm in this all by myself and they don't really care, this is going to make you a very dark, closed, guarded, bitter person. And then what? Nobody's going to want to be around that. nobody's going to want to interact with that. And it's just going to get worse and worse and worse for you. Let's not let that happen. Okay, next, seeking validation. Seeking validation or seeking worth, seeking admiration, seeking appreciation. Just think of validation, appreciation, admiration. They're all in the same family there. The cycle of seeking external validation and deriving self-worth from helping others can contribute to feelings of emptiness and lack of fulfillment. Well, yeah, of course, because what do you want? I mean, you've got to ask yourself, like, what do I want in life? Think about that three-wing that you have, okay? You're a two. You care a lot about people. You find a sense of worth and value in ministering to other people and taking care of them and being important to them. But think of that three-wing for a second that's like, yeah, but it's okay for me to have goals. It's okay for me to have an agenda. It's okay for me to focus on tasks. It's okay for me to do awesome things, not just be an awesome person. Think twos, I'm an awesome person, you should love me. Threes, I do awesome stuff, you should love me. It's okay to lean into that three a little bit and that four that you integrate to of what do I care about? What do I love? What's important to me? Seeking validation from others. it's kind of like sonar. You send a sonar message out and then you need it reflected back from other people. Like, you're a great person. We love you. We care about you. Oh, dad. Oh, mom. Thank you so much. I couldn't have done it without you. And that gives you a great feeling of value. But if you were to look inside, if you were to get away from all those people that matter to you, if you could get away from all those people, what would you do with your time? If you didn't have to take care of anybody. what would you do that would be meaningful to you? What would you do that would be important to you? That's an interesting question, isn't it? Okay, next, we're getting down to the last three here. Absorbing others'emotions. Absorbing others'emotions. And feeling responsible for their happiness. I'm here to take care of you. I'm telling you what, you're going to find a lot of people, and some of them not very good, you're going to find a lot of people that will say, great, take care of me. I like that, okay? But you might rack up a whole bunch of people that really just want you to take care of them. And anybody would be frustrated with that and be resentful. Why wouldn't you be frustrated and resentful with that, right? And this could lead to emotional overwhelm and difficulty in setting emotional healthy boundaries. Boundaries. Why? Because you become, I mean, it's like the classic thought of like an enabler or a codependency. like you are attracted sometimes to people that, like think patients in a hospital. I'm a nurse. I'm a nurse. So who are you going to be attracted to? Sick people in a hospital. Because you get a sense of value in taking care and making their lives better. But what if the patients don't get better? What if they just stay in this relationship? Well, you can see this could become a kind of a codependent sort of relationship here is. I'm not able to take care of myself. I need you to take care of me. that's going to get old at some point. You may be able to do that as a job, but when you come home, you need people around you that are there for you too and are there to give you what you need in life. Absorbing other people's emotions. I remember my wife, Atu, saying that when she was a little girl, that if she didn't play with all of her baby dolls, that she would silently feel like maybe their feelings were hurt. so she if she left a doll you know too long she said even going to the store and looking at the baby dolls could sometimes be and be create anxiety because if i choose this doll i don't want the other dolls feelings to be hurt now that is so sweet and that is that just shows you the heart of a two i get chills just thinking about that because i never felt like my gi joes or my army men were going to get their feelings hurt if i didn't play with them That just shows you the heart that you have as a two. It almost brings tears to my eyes to think that love. You came into the world with such a capacity to love others. You came into the world with such an ability and such a warmth and such a joy and such a... Are you living in that now? I hope so. I pray so. I hope that you are living in that love and showing that love to everybody you meet. Think of it as the dish you bring into the room. All of us, the nine types, we're all there with our dish. And yours is love and attention and appreciation and affection. And look, when you're not doing well, you're just upset that other people aren't giving that to you. When you're doing well, you become a source of all of those things for the world. Back to your childlike self. It's a beautiful thing. Okay, next, unnoticed and unappreciated. I'm just unnoticed and unappreciated. When my efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated, it can trigger feelings of, guess what? Disappointment, hurt feelings, frustration, self-doubt, depression. I'm sorry. I hope the people in your life, you know what? You might have to just tell them, I need you guys to say thank you. I need you guys to acknowledge what I'm doing. I need more appreciation. One of the ways you can help me feel loved and help me feel cared for is just recognizing what I did for you and saying thank you. That's all I need from you. Just a pat on the back every once in a while. Just acknowledge that you love me and you care about me. Look, you guys aren't wired the same way I am. I know it's silly, but every morning I just You just need to be reminded that you care about me and that we're close. And if I don't get that, I start getting a little bit wonky. I start getting a little bit anxious. And you can really help me by just reminding me that you love me. When my family, my dad was a five, my mom was a six, my brother's a one, I'm a seven, my other brother's a six. We all loved each other, but we never said that. We just never said, I love you. We just didn't say it. We knew it, but you just never heard it. We never thought anything about it until I started dating my wife. And when my wife came to my house and met my family, she changed everything. And all of a sudden now, every time we interacted and every time we hung up the phone and every time we'd go to bed at night, we all established a new pattern of saying we love each other. That's what you guys do as twos. You bring that into the world. You know what you do when you're not doing well? You suck the love right out of the room. You suck the love right out of the relationship. You make the rest of us feel unlovable, uncared for, and unappreciated. you can turn it on and you can turn it off. And you may not even know you do this. We all do this in our own way, sevens. We bring the joy or we suck the joy out of the room. No, I don't even care. It doesn't even matter. I don't, and we'll, we bring it. Eights, they empower other people. When they're not doing well, they disempower everyone. Okay. Unnoticed and unappreciated. Okay. The last one on here is codependency. We just talked about that, didn't we? Codependency. Struggling with codependency and feeling of compulsion to regulate others'emotions. I need them to be happy. Well, that's a lot of pressure on you, isn't it? Again, I would love to have people in my life. I love being married to it too. I love having people in my life that want me to be happy. but it's not really your responsibility to make everybody else happy. They have to own their mood and they have to own their feelings. They have to own their wants and desires. And so what happens when they're not happy? Did you fail? Because you can do everything in the world for somebody and they say, not enough, not enough. We want more. You know what I'm talking about. So regulating other people's emotions can result in anxiety, of course, and neglect of your own emotional well-being because you can't take time for yourself because you're here for everybody else. Okay, so let's review these again. Low self-esteem. Dwelling on past hurts. questioning do I belong, do I matter, do they want me, prioritizing the needs of others over my own, resentment and isolation. And sometimes twos pushed so unhealthy can go past the eight to an unhealthy four and look like an unhealthy four. Moody, withdrawn, serving other people outside the family and rejecting their own, seeking validation, absorbing the other's emotions. feeling unnoticed and unappreciated, and then becoming and locked into codependent relationships, which are very limited in what they can give you. All right. Well, thank you, guys. Twos, let me just say we love you. Thank you. We appreciate you. I'm sorry that other people in your life may not get this. Help them learn about the Enneagram. Help them learn about your needs. One of the best things you can do is introduce your friends to the Enneagram so that they they can start to figure out, oh, okay, we're different. And because we're different, maybe if I interacted with you in a little bit nuanced way, it could really help you and some of the struggles that you have. And that's true for all the types. And I'll say it like I say in every other video, be present to life. Life can be challenging. Life can be difficult. Relationships can be challenging and difficult. I'm here to help in any way I can. Reach out to me. I'd love to help your people in your world understand this or help you build some resilience or whatever I can do. don't miss the beauty and the awesomeness of life because you have this tremendous gift to bring into the world and you will if you're doing well and i want to see you do well and i want to see you present to life take care guys i'll see you next time